back to index2021-03-14 Priscilla Chen Baptism
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Hi, my name is Priscilla Chen and I'm a freshman in the college ministry and today I'll be 00:00:19.680 |
Before attending Berean, starting in high school, I grew up in another church that was 00:00:25.040 |
I knew all the other kids and their families. 00:00:27.280 |
My parents were both leaders in the church and my siblings and I were very involved in 00:00:32.320 |
I was convinced that my Christian-like deeds and shallow knowledge of God and the Bible 00:00:37.360 |
were enough to prove that I was a Christian and in 2017 I got baptized. 00:00:42.680 |
A month after I was baptized, our youth pastor passed away unexpectedly at a young age and 00:00:47.680 |
it shook the youth ministry and church as a whole. 00:00:50.800 |
What a fragile illusion of faith I had was completely shattered as I turned in anger 00:00:54.920 |
towards God, questioning why he had cut short the life of a man so dedicated to the church 00:01:03.400 |
I soon began to doubt the existence of God altogether, refusing to believe that this 00:01:07.960 |
could be part of the plan of a God who truly loved his people. 00:01:12.440 |
As I dwelt on past memories, I was consumed by overwhelming guilt about the reflection 00:01:17.060 |
of Christ's love my pastor had shown to me all those years that I had taken for granted 00:01:24.080 |
Guilt coupled with my growing unbelief quickly drove me away from the church and Christianity 00:01:28.920 |
as I tried to run as far away from God as I could. 00:01:32.160 |
I got a job and began to hang out with bad friends who introduced me to all the evil 00:01:38.760 |
For every empty void that I felt in my life, I found a sin to indulge in, to find temporary 00:01:49.480 |
I had the means to buy and do the things I wanted and friends to reassure me that this 00:01:57.400 |
During the summer after my sophomore year of high school, my sister sat down to talk 00:02:01.040 |
with me about the concerns my parents had voiced about my rebellious behavior and refusal 00:02:07.760 |
She invited me to visit Berean with her and when I joined the youth group, I saw believers 00:02:11.720 |
who were my age or even younger who had genuine faith and lived a life that truly reflected 00:02:17.880 |
Instead of being encouraged at the time, I felt ashamed that all the years I'd spent 00:02:21.800 |
growing up in the church had led me to this point of living a double life, feeling guilty 00:02:26.520 |
and turning on my Christian act every Friday and Sunday, yet returning to my self-serving, 00:02:34.360 |
My pride and unwillingness to accept the challenge of rebuilding my faith led to a long period 00:02:38.640 |
of struggle between wanting to hold on to this newfound worldly freedom and the salvation 00:02:46.160 |
During a youth retreat in February of 2020, Pastor Nate spoke on cultivating a hunger 00:02:52.600 |
He said, "A hunger and thirst for the word can't be artificially generated. 00:02:59.200 |
And if you say, 'I need God,' and don't immediately turn to the Bible, you don't believe you truly 00:03:04.480 |
I remember him reading John 11, 25 to 26, in which Jesus says, "I am the resurrection 00:03:11.720 |
He who believes in me will live, even if he dies. 00:03:14.880 |
And everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. 00:03:19.760 |
For the first time, I felt truly confronted with the question, "Are you a believer?" 00:03:24.760 |
Up until then, I had never even considered that I might not be saved, since I had done 00:03:29.640 |
I went to church since I was young, memorized Bible verses, served, and even got baptized. 00:03:36.120 |
But as I considered the lifestyle of an unbeliever reflective of complacency and unrepentant sin, 00:03:41.160 |
there was a moment of realization when I finally accepted that despite all the years of playing 00:03:46.000 |
the part of being a Christian, there was no gray area. 00:03:49.360 |
I had no relationship of God and nothing of Christ in me. 00:03:52.880 |
The weight of this realization and recognition of the consequences of my status as a transgressor 00:03:58.000 |
against the holy God had set in, and I understood for the first time why the good news truly 00:04:06.800 |
Looking back now, it was truly only possible by God's mercy and grace that my hardened 00:04:10.960 |
heart of unbelief was softened, and my eyes were opened to see the utter sin and depravity 00:04:16.880 |
I was convicted of countless sins as I began taking baby steps as an infant believer and 00:04:22.600 |
reading the Bible, praying, and making my relationship with God personal for myself. 00:04:27.780 |
As a result, my life began to change as I let go of the worldly things I had held onto 00:04:31.700 |
so tightly in light of this newfound treasure that had been revealed to me. 00:04:36.640 |
Since then, I've still fallen into sin and no doubt will continue to until the day I 00:04:40.440 |
die, but I trust that I am being sanctified through each and every trial and triumph in 00:04:45.240 |
life all for the glory of God as I strive to live out the calling of all Christians 00:04:50.200 |
having received and being a steward of God's grace.