back to indexBFM Retreat 2017 - Session 1
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You guys actually asked me back again, so that's cool. 00:00:23.840 |
But yeah, myself and just Pastor Peter, just over the years, 00:00:26.720 |
we've just been able to grow a relationship and partnership and ministry over the years. 00:00:31.640 |
And just to watch this man's faithfulness, along with his wife and 00:00:35.440 |
their children, and just his commitment to you guys as a pastor and a shepherd, 00:00:40.520 |
has been a wonderful example for me as a pastor and a shepherd. 00:00:44.400 |
To see somebody that really loves their flock, and they love you guys. 00:00:50.560 |
And I'm sure you guys know that far beyond what even I could even understand. 00:00:55.160 |
You just walked with him and his family for years. 00:00:58.720 |
So for me to be able to come up here and exhort this body, 00:01:02.720 |
for him to entrust me with you guys just means a lot. 00:01:09.960 |
As well as just myself, so many personal connections for me over the years. 00:01:13.480 |
It's been years, decades, some of you guys have been over a decade now at this point. 00:01:22.080 |
When Pastor Peter asked me to come and speak on marriage, I just thought, man, 00:01:31.040 |
And one of the reasons why is because you guys are so well taught. 00:01:35.520 |
And it is always intimidating for me because I'm just thinking, man, 00:01:38.880 |
I don't know what else I can really say that probably your leadership hasn't 00:01:43.640 |
So I'm just bringing you some crumbs, that's all. 00:01:46.520 |
And I'm just praying that God take those live loaves and two fish and 00:01:50.440 |
just feed you guys in a way that I, in my own strength and power, just couldn't. 00:01:59.600 |
And I've felt that, I've experienced that in very tangible and 00:02:06.360 |
This has been a real hard time and a hard season of life and 00:02:13.440 |
Our church is going through a whole church move, and 00:02:17.720 |
Along with some major transitions, namely, I know this is going to college in the fall, 00:02:22.840 |
This is my baby girl, and she's not my baby girl anymore. 00:02:25.800 |
She's a woman now, and I'm like, man, that doesn't make sense. 00:02:28.800 |
And I'm gonna be up at the campus checking all these fellas out. 00:02:44.160 |
So, man, so anyway, yeah, I just really appreciate all you guys. 00:02:50.720 |
And thank you for just the warm welcome, for taking care of me. 00:02:53.600 |
All of the snacks that you guys got me, and James and Valerie, 00:03:00.880 |
And I sent you guys probably like, we had like 20 emails, 00:03:05.800 |
And you guys just did such a wonderful job, Jen, and the way you guys packed the room, 00:03:10.320 |
the way you took care of all the slots, everything that I needed, 00:03:13.240 |
all the help, there's probably background individuals that were involved that I just 00:03:17.160 |
I just want you guys to know that I feel cared for and loved, and 00:03:26.920 |
I had you guys do a survey, and I'm just gonna try to sum up some of the surveys. 00:03:34.920 |
And after being married now for almost, actually, it's 19 years, 00:03:39.120 |
I think it's gonna be 19 in August, I think at this point. 00:03:43.760 |
And just really trying to ask myself, why did I get married then? 00:03:48.120 |
And trying to see what you guys would say as a result. 00:03:53.440 |
I got to have his babies, and that was a good one. 00:04:21.280 |
I couldn't imagine my life without her or without him. 00:04:26.120 |
I have, this one person said, I have strong passions and I couldn't survive. 00:04:41.560 |
One person said, double income, just kidding. 00:04:51.720 |
very, very good, raising up the next generation. 00:05:11.640 |
He just brought us together for security, comfort. 00:05:28.200 |
Others said it was just the natural thing to do. 00:05:31.640 |
One said, I wanted him to be mine all the time. 00:05:36.640 |
Some great, great responses, and I enjoyed reading all of those. 00:05:43.120 |
It kind of reminds me of Tom Cruise in a movie where, 00:05:49.160 |
I forgot, whatever that movie was, where he was an agent. 00:05:55.440 |
And he says this toward the end, and this is the climactic, romantic, right? 00:05:59.320 |
All the music starts playing or whatever, and he says, 00:06:10.600 |
And you crash and he says, I love you, cuz you complete me. 00:06:16.120 |
And then he starts to talk again and she says, no, no, no, no, no, 00:06:19.560 |
You, can you, what did she say, something like you had me at, hello. 00:06:24.000 |
Right, right, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see you. 00:06:29.040 |
Now as I had you guys do that survey, even as we look at that example from 00:06:37.280 |
providence, to be sanctified, to serve God better. 00:06:40.280 |
I couldn't live without him, to avoid the commute. 00:06:43.360 |
These are all things, and a lot of these things are good things. 00:06:47.080 |
But in some ways, many of them are very man-centered in their perspectives. 00:06:53.200 |
They look in some ways to the individual, if you will, for 00:07:00.720 |
Whether that be relational intimacy or some level of wholeness. 00:07:04.840 |
And we as believers can fall into this concept or 00:07:09.160 |
perspective when it comes to our spouses and when it comes to marriage. 00:07:15.920 |
But the question becomes is, we do these things, but 00:07:20.000 |
what happens when discontent begins to arise in these areas? 00:07:26.200 |
What happens when all of a sudden he's not earning his keep or 00:07:30.880 |
his leadership and his protection or his guidance isn't what you want it to be? 00:07:35.360 |
Before you got me, she was just such a wonderful individual, and 00:07:39.440 |
now she just nags all the time, and she gets on my nerves. 00:07:43.880 |
What if actually you actually want to commute instead of avoiding the commute? 00:08:02.000 |
When the companion lying next to you feels like an enemy, 00:08:06.520 |
what happens when the honeyed list begins to infringe upon your convenience? 00:08:11.480 |
I don't know how that is, man, you got anybody got honeyed list up here? 00:08:20.400 |
what happens when you feel like instead of this person completing you, 00:08:24.320 |
you begin to see how incomplete they really are, and 00:08:27.880 |
you want to start to ask yourself sometimes, what have I done? 00:08:33.560 |
at times I've asked myself, what have I done to my wife more than me, clearly? 00:08:39.680 |
I thought it was very poignant about marriage. 00:08:41.680 |
He says, it is an indescribable joy coupled with blood, sweat, 00:08:47.480 |
and tears, humbling defeats, and exhausting victories. 00:08:52.640 |
When I first got married, my wife had a list, and 00:08:58.720 |
she took this list and said, when I find a man that can complete this list, I'll marry you. 00:09:04.720 |
And I was that man, every single one of those things on that list. 00:09:08.760 |
And then, after a couple years, she just started checking stuff off that list, 00:09:20.040 |
where we said, man, what now is going to sustain us? 00:09:25.440 |
And not only sustain us, but allow us to flourish in a lot of these new realities. 00:09:38.040 |
And if not, there will be a season, I guarantee, where you will have challenges 00:09:43.560 |
and troubles that will cause for you to experience question marks, 00:09:54.040 |
You see, the reason I had you do that survey is because the why you got married, 00:10:06.080 |
And if it's based on things that can be here today and gone tomorrow, 00:10:11.320 |
if your why is based on things that can shift, then ultimately, 00:10:16.320 |
you will find yourself in situations within your marriage that ultimately 00:10:22.440 |
are based on things that will cause you also to shift. 00:10:27.840 |
So if it's anchored in something beyond what is man-centered, 00:10:33.840 |
whether that be avoiding the commute, strong passions, his sanctification, 00:10:39.680 |
her submission, his leadership, whatever those things may be, 00:10:43.800 |
then you will ultimately be able to go the extra mile and flourish 00:10:55.560 |
What will enable you to go the extra mile, marriage in light of eternity, 00:11:03.520 |
I'm going to give you a why today that ultimately will anchor you. 00:11:12.760 |
And it's a passage that most of you are Christians, you've been in the church, 00:11:18.440 |
But sometimes familiarity can cause us to not see and gain what God wants us 00:11:24.160 |
So as we go to this, don't allow for the familiar to distract you 00:11:30.360 |
Because I want you to anchor this in your why. 00:11:33.200 |
This has to be your new why according to God's standard. 00:11:38.960 |
So I'm going to just kind of give a little overview here. 00:11:42.080 |
The first two sessions, I'm going to be giving a vertical perspective, 00:11:48.160 |
Meaning one where you're looking up into heaven and gaining a vision from God. 00:11:53.840 |
And then the last two sessions are going to be a horizontal perspective. 00:11:57.720 |
Now, there's going to be intermingled with vertical and horizontal, 00:12:02.520 |
What does it look like between the two of you within marriage? 00:12:06.240 |
So if you will, please turn with me to Ephesians chapter 5. 00:12:10.080 |
Ephesians chapter 5, the classic passage on marriage. 00:12:14.200 |
Ephesians chapter 5, starting at verse 22, and let's go through the Lord in prayer. 00:12:33.400 |
The why matters more profoundly, God, than we even know. 00:12:38.160 |
And so God, Holy Spirit, I just pray right now that you would communicate 00:12:42.960 |
what truly matters most to you in our marriages. 00:12:48.400 |
And that God, as and when we see it, that it would anchor us. 00:12:53.200 |
That it would anchor us in a way, God, that will allow for us to go the extra mile, 00:12:58.560 |
to go, Lord God, long-term, and to do it, Lord God, with indescribable joy. 00:13:05.800 |
So God, Holy Spirit, will you please come and be with us now? 00:13:09.840 |
Help us to see and comprehend and be transformed by the wonder. 00:13:14.760 |
And help me, Lord God, as your voice, to be faithful to your voice. 00:13:30.680 |
Now, let me give you a preview for my message, and I have a lot to say. 00:13:34.720 |
I'm really going to try to keep this down, but you guys are bringing it. 00:13:39.000 |
And so because I know y'all, you guys have been exercised and you have that 00:13:44.240 |
And so I'm going to try my best to keep this as manageable as possible, 00:13:52.760 |
So as John Parker would say, "Gird up your loins." 00:13:58.200 |
First, we're going to talk about the nature of your roles, the nature of a wife's role, 00:14:03.400 |
according to God, and the nature of a husband's role, according to God. 00:14:06.720 |
Then, secondarily, we're going to look at the nature of the marital relationship 00:14:11.560 |
What is the nature of it, according to God, when it comes to your 00:14:16.160 |
And then we're going to see how the roles and the relationship come into view in 00:14:23.480 |
And then, finally, we're going to see what is the outcome of us living out our roles 00:14:42.160 |
Wives, "Submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. 00:14:46.320 |
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, 00:14:54.880 |
Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything 00:15:18.480 |
Now, what was very profound for me as I looked at this passage is the way that it 00:15:30.080 |
And it's called, what's called a kayasm, a kayasmic, if you will, structure. 00:15:36.280 |
And it emphasizes some things as we're going to take a look at it. 00:15:40.400 |
"Wives, submit to your own husbands," verse 22, "as to the Lord." 00:15:48.680 |
And then, "For the husband is the head," okay? 00:15:53.200 |
"As to the Lord" is the B. And then the C is, "For the husband is the head, 00:15:57.160 |
even as the wife," and then C, "Christ is the head of the church," B, 00:16:01.000 |
"Now is the church submits to Christ," and then A. So we'll see that all up at once. 00:16:07.120 |
And so if you could imagine it and see it, Paul structures this in a particular way 00:16:14.800 |
He starts out by saying, "Wives, submit to your own husbands." 00:16:22.280 |
That's what he wants to land and communicate. 00:16:25.120 |
And then he brings it in and he describes what that looks like, 00:16:28.680 |
"As to the Lord," and there's your B. And then he goes in even further to describe 00:16:35.320 |
the connection, "As to the Lord, for you as husband is the head of the wife." 00:16:41.040 |
So then he connects it to Christ, and then he does another Christ connection 00:16:45.640 |
right after, "Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior." 00:16:51.560 |
So he brings a Christ parallel, and then he jumps back out slightly 00:16:56.400 |
to parallel it now with, "Now as," because it was a description of how you're 00:17:01.520 |
supposed to submit, "Now as the church submits to Christ," and then he lands it 00:17:06.400 |
at the very end with, "Wives should submit in everything to their husbands." 00:17:10.600 |
And he ends it with the very thing that he started it off from the beginning. 00:17:16.880 |
Now, this exhortation, the reason why I show you this structure is 00:17:20.360 |
because this exhortation is clearly very important to Paul. 00:17:31.760 |
A, you see it in A, and then you see it at the very end in A, 00:17:36.120 |
starting in verse 22, and he ends it in verse 24. 00:17:41.560 |
And then he summarizes the passage from verse 22 all the way down to verse 33 00:17:49.640 |
with the same idea as you'll see in verse 33. 00:17:53.640 |
He then says, "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, 00:17:59.680 |
and let the wife see that she was never a dear." 00:18:05.520 |
Respects, so he redefines it again as he ends the whole passage. 00:18:18.360 |
The reason he structured it that way, the reason he ends with it, 00:18:21.960 |
is because your role as a wife in submission is waiting, 00:18:29.800 |
Notice the stress that Paul didn't choose the word "obey." 00:18:34.200 |
You know, you wives are like, "I remember the husbands are like, 00:18:36.200 |
'Man, I wish she would have put obey in there because she don't obey me. 00:18:43.200 |
The Bible does say obey your leaders though, so amen. 00:18:51.360 |
Submission here, it means to choose to yield to another's will. 00:18:58.560 |
And when he has submit in verse 22 and in verse 24, 00:19:07.400 |
And what it basically means is it's implying a voluntary choice. 00:19:13.360 |
So it's not an obligatory duty-bound kind of responsibility. 00:19:19.160 |
It's one where you voluntarily as a woman, because you're first, 00:19:24.000 |
submitting yourself to God because God said it. 00:19:27.640 |
As a result, then you're going to submit yourself to your husband 00:19:51.480 |
So submission basically elicits from you guys as wives a recognition that your 00:20:01.600 |
And where you, verse 24, where you, it says, "Now as the church submits to Christ, 00:20:08.800 |
so also wives should submit," one of those two words, "in everything." 00:20:18.440 |
So it's voluntary, middle voice, and "in everything" is indicating that this 00:20:24.720 |
should be the normal disposition of a wife toward her husband. 00:20:29.880 |
Where you're not holding back certain areas, where you're trying to maintain 00:20:37.720 |
And then Paul redefines it and gives a little more clarity by saying that 00:20:43.600 |
submission at the bottom is an attitude and a demeanor of respect. 00:21:01.840 |
So you guys over here, you're going to be R-E-S-P-E-C-T. 00:21:07.480 |
You're going to sing, "Find out what it means to me." 00:21:14.240 |
And then, you all are going to do "succotilly." 00:21:18.920 |
And then you all are going to do "respectively." 00:22:08.920 |
So, if you're not already taking notes, I want you to take notes. 00:22:12.920 |
Because this weekend, women, I need you to ask yourself this question. 00:22:20.920 |
In what ways, in your relationship presently, and even when you guys get into small groups, 00:22:26.920 |
you ask to discuss this, this can be some of your discussion questions. 00:22:30.920 |
In what ways are you lacking in submissive respect? 00:22:35.920 |
Is there a particular situation right now that you can identify in your relationship 00:22:40.920 |
where you know in your heart or in your actions where there's not a demeanor of submissive 00:22:47.920 |
Maybe you're in a season presently where you're just really struggling with submitting and 00:22:52.920 |
respecting your husband in his leadership or in some area. 00:22:56.920 |
Maybe God is calling you right now to an area where you know he's been saying, you got to 00:23:04.920 |
I want you to begin to think about and identify that. 00:23:07.920 |
Maybe to make it even more clear, ask yourselves this wise. 00:23:11.920 |
Are you providing encouragement, support, and input to your husband's initiatives to 00:23:19.920 |
Are you resisting the temptation to take control? 00:23:24.920 |
Maybe there's an area where you just, ah, because I want to control this. 00:23:28.920 |
I really don't want to submit in this area or respect in this area. 00:23:33.920 |
Is there an area maybe where you're just undermining his leadership by complaining, 00:23:43.920 |
Or maybe there's an area maybe where you're not aligning yourself around some of the values. 00:23:52.920 |
My wife sometimes I wonder, honey, what's that that you're spending money on? 00:24:04.920 |
You see, I just want you to ask yourself, Lord, where do I need to be more submissive and 00:24:11.920 |
And the reason why I'm saying this is because when I get to the end of this message, I'll 00:24:17.920 |
How critical it is that you as wives fight to play this role for your husbands. 00:24:28.920 |
Submissive respect expresses to your husband that you trust him. 00:24:33.920 |
Now, this may be an area where some of you may be struggling. 00:24:37.920 |
Maybe there's an area, wives, where you need to address your husband to say, you know what? 00:24:42.920 |
The reason why I'm having a hard time submitting here or respecting you here is because there's 00:24:48.920 |
I remember early on in our marriage, that was an area for us, is that I had fallen into 00:24:53.920 |
some areas that had caused my wife to say, I just can't trust you. 00:25:02.920 |
And so, men, that may be a thing that you need to do as far as hearing your wives and 00:25:10.920 |
Here's something else that respect does for a man. 00:25:12.920 |
It reduces his fear of failure and of being inadequate. 00:25:16.920 |
The number one thing that we as men do not want to be is a failure. 00:25:35.920 |
Respect is demonstrated by you as wives when it comes to your husband when you are his 00:25:39.920 |
greatest cheerleader, when you are his greatest cheerleader. 00:25:45.920 |
When, you know, you can look at Valerie, but you can look at your boy and say, James, give 00:26:15.920 |
For us to know, ladies, that our wives are cheering us on, saying, I got your back. 00:26:24.920 |
There's nothing more profound and encouraging for us. 00:26:29.920 |
And there's something else that that does for us. 00:26:33.920 |
It allows for us to move into-- or it moves us away from passivity as men. 00:26:43.920 |
When you cheerlead us-- I began coming to this retreat. 00:26:47.920 |
As I said, I had a whole lot I'm trying to prepare, all this time. 00:26:54.920 |
And I was just so overwhelmed with all this stuff I had to prepare and getting ready for 00:26:59.920 |
And I came into the house, and my wife just-- she looked at me and said, you know what? 00:27:08.920 |
I'm about to tear up right now, because it's just like-- that just infused life into me. 00:27:14.920 |
OK, I got three more sermons to go in two days, but we got this. 00:27:24.920 |
Respect acknowledges the leadership, and it discourages passivity. 00:27:29.920 |
I was talking to somebody at church last week, and I heard my wife talking to one of our 00:27:38.920 |
And she just-- she told one of our members, you know, I just really appreciate my husband, 00:27:45.920 |
because he's been taking time with my third daughter, Trinity, and just really kind of 00:27:49.920 |
speaking some life into her and doing some mentoring with her and what have you. 00:27:54.920 |
And just that respect of the little bit of leadership that I was demonstrating there 00:27:59.920 |
caused me to say, hey, I'm going to do this more. 00:28:04.920 |
I'm going to be more proactive in my leadership, because of that submissive attitude and respect 00:28:12.920 |
So again, I want you to ask your-- and here's another question for you ladies. 00:28:16.920 |
I want you to ask your husband this this weekend. 00:28:28.920 |
In what way can I submit and respect you more? 00:28:39.920 |
Don't, when he says it, be like, well, you know, I've lost your woman before. 00:28:50.920 |
We do be like, I don't know if I want to go under your hand. 00:29:01.920 |
OK, this is a major why with respect to women, why you should be married. 00:29:08.920 |
All the things that you women wrote were wonderful and great, and they weren't wrong. 00:29:13.920 |
But what I just identified to you in Scripture should be the very foundation and the anchor of why you're married. 00:29:35.920 |
And basically, Paul talks about men from verse 25 all the way to the very end of verse 33. 00:29:42.920 |
So that already tells you that y'all got to wait. 00:29:47.920 |
All right, he took four, three verses, 22, 23, 24, on the women. 00:29:56.920 |
What is the nature, then, of the husband's role? 00:30:03.920 |
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself. 00:30:16.920 |
First, what he tells us as men is that our role is to the extent that we seek Christ's love for the church, we are then to give up ourselves the way he did. 00:30:30.920 |
The love in verse 25 is in the present imperative, which indicates that this should be a regular, constant disposition of love, constantly loving on your wife. 00:30:43.920 |
And then in verse 26 and 27, he gives what's called a Christological aside. 00:30:49.920 |
Before when I read this passage, there was an insight for me. 00:30:53.920 |
These are the things that we aren't necessarily called to do as men. 00:30:58.920 |
Paul in this passage really using marriage to do something a lot bigger. 00:31:02.920 |
And he's really pointing and drawing us to Christ. 00:31:05.920 |
So verse 26, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself as splendid without spire wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy without blemish. 00:31:23.920 |
OK, that's something that's set aside for Christ himself. 00:31:27.920 |
And so what he's using that is a parallel to marriage to say, go in depth as to the value and the beauty and the magnificence of just how much Christ has given himself up for his church and how much he bleeds all of the beauty of his power and might and holiness and love into the church. 00:31:53.920 |
And after the Christological aside, he then goes back to me as he parallels Christ. 00:32:00.920 |
It says, first, 28 in the same way, husbands should love their wives. 00:32:28.920 |
My son years ago, he's 16 now, 17 next month. 00:32:34.920 |
But when he was probably nine, eight or nine, he asked me to drive to church and we were talking about love. 00:32:43.920 |
And he said, Dad, is it possible for me to love myself like, oh, I just love me. 00:32:51.920 |
But as I kind of contemplated, I said, well, that's actually kind of theologically sound. 00:33:01.920 |
Because, yes, there is a way you can do that. 00:33:04.920 |
And the way you do that is 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church. 00:33:16.920 |
So what does it look like, men, for you to love yourself? 00:33:20.920 |
The way you love yourself is by loving your wife, by nourishing and cherishing her. 00:33:29.920 |
This first go with nourish the Paul challenge has been here to nourish their wives. 00:33:34.920 |
He uses a very unique word and is only found in one other place in the entire New Testament. 00:33:43.920 |
It's the next chapter, chapter six, where it talks about fathers don't exasperate your son's children, but bring them up. 00:33:52.920 |
It's the same Greek word nourish and bring them up in the abomination of the Lord. 00:34:03.920 |
They were reminded that failure to provide the physical needs of their families made them worse than pagans. 00:34:14.920 |
They would ask if you work diligently to satisfy their material and physical needs in this life and take no regard for their souls, which will live for. 00:34:27.920 |
He said, I will not be able to satisfy their needs. 00:34:34.920 |
And what I do know is that the Lord is not going to take you out of your house. 00:34:38.920 |
He's not going to take you out of your house. 00:43:06.920 |
and every single day by the crib we're going to pray 00:43:30.920 |
Get it done in 15 minutes. Get it done in 30 minutes. 00:43:48.920 |
Verse 29, "For no one ever hated his own flesh, 00:44:48.920 |
I outlined to you as far as what we try to do 00:44:58.920 |
weeks, three weeks. Wife is looking at me like 00:45:04.920 |
So I need to make sure that y'all don't think 00:45:10.920 |
that I'm making is this, and this is what my wife said to me 00:45:16.920 |
when we are off, that you're trying to come back to me." 00:45:20.920 |
but we jumping back on, okay? So I need you guys 00:45:26.920 |
be looking at him like "Pastor Craig, we're doing 00:45:58.920 |
dating, we loved, enjoyed watching movies together. 00:46:02.920 |
it didn't seem like, I don't know why it didn't seem 00:46:04.920 |
like we spent time together whenever we got to 00:46:06.920 |
the movies and it was good. When we got married, 00:46:08.920 |
and we started spending time together watching 00:46:22.920 |
The reason why was because when I'm sitting there, 00:46:28.920 |
she'll click pause, and then start talking to me 00:47:16.920 |
and I'm restlessly like, "I didn't conquer the movie." 00:47:40.920 |
doing alright. I just said, "I'm just gonna get 00:47:42.920 |
this and just put it right here. You can just put it right here. 00:47:48.920 |
The other way that you cherish a wife is openness. 00:48:20.920 |
That's all I'm doing. That's what I did today. 00:48:56.920 |
Again, I've gone through this trap all the time. 00:49:12.920 |
She was like, "Honey, I just want you to listen to me. 00:49:14.920 |
I just want you to listen to me. I identify with my pain 00:49:16.920 |
right now." I'm like, "Okay. Let me just listen. 00:49:56.920 |
going to say something? Was it going to be a week, 00:50:14.920 |
this the hard way. We were playing a family game 00:50:38.920 |
This is how we're going to talk about it. Let's plan 00:50:48.920 |
of those types of games where it's kind of impromptu. 00:50:50.920 |
You just have to come up with stuff. So I'm like, 00:50:54.920 |
All of her family was like, "Come on, man. Let's do it." 00:50:58.920 |
I'm like, "Yeah. Let's do it, y'all. Let's do it." 00:51:02.920 |
I'm like, "Honey, come on, man. We can win this. 00:51:44.920 |
So, fellas, this is what I want you to ask yourselves 00:51:52.920 |
And the reason I'm saying this weekend is because 00:52:14.920 |
from this room. I was waiting for you to say that. 00:52:32.920 |
You guys hanging in there? I told you it was a lot. 00:53:19.440 |
"To his wife and the two shall become one flesh." 00:53:24.440 |
The nature of your relationship according to God, 00:53:29.780 |
your marital relationship, is oneness and permanent. 00:53:34.780 |
The nature, the make of, what it consists of ultimately 00:53:39.780 |
at its bottom, the essence, is oneness and permanence. 00:53:45.900 |
Turn with me real quick to Genesis chapter two. 00:54:16.600 |
But for Adam, there was not found a helper fit for him. 00:54:21.600 |
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man 00:54:34.420 |
Now, God took one of his ribs, it says, to make Eve. 00:54:40.400 |
Now when we hear rib, we may think of kind of 00:54:54.160 |
indicates really the entire area of the ribs. 00:55:06.220 |
So when it says that God took a rib out of its side, 00:55:12.580 |
it literally means that God divided Adam in half, 00:55:25.700 |
in the rib, verse 22, that the Lord had taken 00:55:55.420 |
This is why Paul said in verse 28 of Ephesians, 00:55:58.980 |
chapter five, to love your wife is to love yourself. 00:56:48.540 |
My wife, one time she was at a pastor's wives 00:57:05.220 |
dog, I just couldn't, and she kind of perked up. 00:57:08.060 |
My wife is white, for those of you who don't know. 00:57:13.700 |
and my wife was like, whoa, where'd that come from? 00:57:25.740 |
She hangs out with me and I always say, what's up, dog? 00:57:36.100 |
to where we are even saying the same language. 00:58:00.140 |
I never forget, as we were just journeying through 00:58:04.380 |
our marriage, Ruth was saying things like this to me. 00:58:33.460 |
It's hard to build yourself into someone else. 00:58:41.100 |
My wife is analytical, an analytical theater. 00:58:55.220 |
But praise God that my wife is an analytical individual. 00:58:59.060 |
Because one time we were signing up for medical insurance 00:59:02.540 |
and I was looking at this and I was being my decisive self. 00:59:25.740 |
Man, I'm so glad in that moment that I built you into me. 00:59:38.380 |
you know what, I think, or while she was pregnant 00:59:41.020 |
with the fourth, she's like, man, I think I'm gonna 00:59:48.340 |
All right, well, we'll see what the Lord has. 00:59:51.060 |
So she goes to the laborer, she's on the bed, 00:59:54.020 |
and she's pushing, right, all the pain and everything, 00:59:57.540 |
And I was like, I was just kind of hitting the honey, 01:00:01.180 |
Don't talk to me right now, I'm trying to do my business, 01:00:05.140 |
And then, she pushed that, she pushed the baby out, 01:00:08.460 |
she's kind of still a pain in the ass saying, 01:00:10.140 |
you know, I think we should probably, she's like, 01:00:14.700 |
'Cause she did no epidurals, my wife was a soldier, 01:00:17.060 |
all four of them, she just pushed them out, right? 01:00:19.780 |
And so she's like, no, I don't wanna do this, 01:00:28.620 |
And tear it up right now, we gonna be decisive. 01:00:34.380 |
And my wife said, I'm glad you made that decision. 01:00:41.780 |
Respect versus mercy, I'm a respect guy, that's why I am. 01:00:45.020 |
When I come to the room, if it's time to roll, 01:00:46.780 |
it's time to roll, that's just how it is with my kids, 01:00:55.020 |
cut the TV off, I'll be in the middle of a dog-gone sentence, 01:01:00.380 |
My wife, this is what she asks when we walk in the room, 01:01:04.860 |
she asks the kids, how much longer do you guys have left? 01:01:23.540 |
she feels bad that they're in the middle of a sentence. 01:01:31.100 |
So I'm learning to build that mercy side into me 01:01:49.580 |
with her gangbanger boyfriend, and what does she do? 01:02:02.500 |
What you do is, you close the door, clap, clap, bop, 01:02:11.100 |
No, she goes out there with gangbanger boyfriend 01:02:16.420 |
and girlfriend, and ended up developing a relationship 01:02:23.980 |
That's what's on her mercy side, that built into me, 01:02:30.900 |
This girl's in the kingdom, just because of the way 01:02:48.660 |
she's a justice person, so when I say something, 01:02:50.900 |
she's saying, okay, you guys can say, may I say something. 01:02:55.140 |
May I say, instead of saying yes, dad, may I say something. 01:02:58.620 |
I'm like, you don't need to say nothing but yes, dad. 01:03:11.940 |
That's rough, because you're building someone else into you. 01:03:16.380 |
And so that's why a lot of times you got swollen feet, 01:03:20.780 |
But as the years go by, you learn the rhythm. 01:03:24.140 |
You get it over time, as you build yourselves 01:03:34.180 |
I am becoming the me that I was designed to be 01:03:39.220 |
I am becoming the me that I was designed to be 01:03:46.700 |
The moment you get married, you are not the person yet 01:04:10.540 |
And that is what can also cause for sometimes, 01:04:16.180 |
you know what, I'm tired of you stepping on my feet. 01:04:24.060 |
Because sometimes the kids don't need to say something, 01:04:33.220 |
you stepping on my feet, I'm stepping on your feet, 01:04:37.260 |
They're swollen, and so I'm ready to hit the door 01:04:48.500 |
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, 01:04:59.420 |
You see, oneness cannot be without permanence. 01:05:13.060 |
regardless of future feelings or circumstance. 01:05:27.700 |
No matter how many times you step on my feet, 01:05:32.260 |
No matter how swollen, how sore, how discontent I am 01:05:42.940 |
If it takes us a lifetime to get this dance right, 01:05:50.180 |
Believe that word hold fast, the Greek is glu. 01:05:58.020 |
I'm gonna be glued to you in all the seasons of life, 01:06:01.700 |
when I'm happy with you and when I can't stand your guts. 01:06:09.340 |
Studies show this, two thirds of unhappy marriages 01:06:25.660 |
So the nature of marriage is oneness and permanence. 01:06:41.460 |
The nature of the relationship that God designed in marriage, 01:07:00.700 |
What is marriage ultimately in light of eternity? 01:07:09.140 |
I had you guys in the survey, you gave me all kind of whys. 01:07:20.060 |
the kind of anchor that God wants you to have 01:07:34.740 |
For the first time in all of recorded history, 01:07:48.820 |
Genesis chapter two, when God first instituted marriage, 01:07:58.380 |
through the thousands of years that led up to Jesus. 01:08:02.580 |
Now we finally see what marriage is all about. 01:08:27.740 |
The primary and eternal reality about your marriage 01:08:59.580 |
Princess Bride, I'm gonna look at you smiling. 01:09:38.620 |
We're gonna have to work all at this every day. 01:09:48.500 |
It's not gonna be you and me every day forever. 01:10:12.180 |
that Jesus Christ will have with you forever. 01:10:16.900 |
Marriage exists to display the gospel in living color. 01:10:32.220 |
The reason for commitment and dedication to your roles. 01:10:40.460 |
The nature of your relationship as oneness and permanence 01:10:49.980 |
Wives, here's your role in light of eternity. 01:10:58.060 |
This is why Paul put, A, wives submit to your husbands, 01:11:06.460 |
That's why in verse 33, he concludes it to say, 01:11:13.300 |
Why is he belaboring your role as a wife to submit? 01:11:21.820 |
both women and men get to play the Jesus role in marriage. 01:11:27.500 |
Ladies, Jesus in his sacrificial submission to the Father. 01:11:42.500 |
One writer wrote, as a woman, I already have a Jesus role. 01:11:46.820 |
The sacrificial gifting of my submission to my husband. 01:11:59.580 |
If Jesus being equal with God did not grasp for his equality 01:12:06.740 |
and the Father, should I as my husband's equal 01:12:46.700 |
Being a feministic, you know, I can do what you can do. 01:12:51.220 |
I'm not any, look, so submission, no, no, no, no, no, no. 01:13:24.580 |
And that he is seated at the right hand of the Father, 01:13:27.140 |
far above all rule, authority, power, and dominion. 01:13:34.700 |
And submission puts that glorious picture on display, 01:13:40.700 |
we don't get to see the glory of the name Christ Jesus. 01:14:07.780 |
If you don't do that, then we lose that picture. 01:14:10.580 |
Therefore, we lose a measure of the glory of God 01:14:24.140 |
"As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." 01:14:29.140 |
Verse 29, "For no one ever hateth his own flesh, 01:14:40.740 |
The world needs to be governed by the church. 01:14:51.700 |
The world needs to be gospel, fellas, in your love. 01:15:00.460 |
in living color, for Jesus to love the church 01:15:11.060 |
'Cause he nourished the church with his own blood. 01:15:17.060 |
"You gotta deny yourself, take up your cross, 01:15:21.620 |
He cherished her so much that he died for her, 01:15:24.300 |
taking nine of his nails in his hands to bleed for her. 01:15:27.660 |
He took 40 lashes minus one, and he grieved for her. 01:15:31.940 |
The world needs to see that picture of sacrificial love. 01:15:39.620 |
then we lose a picture of the glory of the gospel. 01:15:42.620 |
What about the nature of marriage in light of eternity? 01:16:22.620 |
Listen, the whole idea of the Trinity, three in one, 01:16:50.420 |
to see it, has been given in the privilege of marriage. 01:16:59.660 |
as distinct individuals, and yet still display 01:17:06.340 |
our understanding of the Trinity is enhanced. 01:17:25.060 |
What is holding fast and permanence in my returning? 01:17:27.660 |
Horizontal cleaving between a man and a woman. 01:17:42.740 |
as you say, I'm committing, that we all together, 01:17:51.820 |
Even though you fall short of God's expectations 01:17:55.100 |
every single day, even though you commit adultery 01:18:03.540 |
I know that the scripture says you can't get a divorce 01:18:07.060 |
in light of adultery, but what would it look like 01:18:09.660 |
if you still stayed even in the midst of adultery? 01:18:19.500 |
And he did it when he didn't even feel like it. 01:18:35.500 |
in the garden of Gethsemane, as he was saying, 01:18:46.580 |
And he expressed the depth of his whole fast love toward us. 01:18:54.540 |
he walked out of that garden and he bore our griefs 01:19:22.660 |
That's what permanence was designed to display. 01:19:37.060 |
That's why sacrificial, nourishing, cherishing love matters. 01:19:50.720 |
to a dying world for them to behold it in and through you. 01:19:59.820 |
That's why at the bottom, you should be married. 01:20:09.100 |
strong passions, hint, hint, that's all good. 01:20:28.780 |
is because the glory of God is at stake in our marriage, 01:20:48.260 |
Your marriage is infinitely bigger than you can imagine. 01:20:55.340 |
Your marriage is infinitely bigger than you can imagine. 01:22:01.620 |
my wife pointed this out, and it just, it got me. 01:22:27.700 |
Natural question, how many of y'all want Spirit 01:22:50.740 |
how do you get more of that in your marriage? 01:22:53.940 |
How do you get more of that in your marriage? 01:23:01.900 |
I didn't realize that this is a means passage. 01:23:23.340 |
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 01:23:25.580 |
The Spirit of God will lead you into all truth. 01:23:47.980 |
First, means, verse 19, addressing one another. 01:23:58.380 |
by addressing one another with songs, hymns, verses, songs. 01:24:01.620 |
Verse 20, giving thanks always for everything to God. 01:24:05.340 |
That's another means by which the Spirit fills you, okay? 01:24:15.220 |
The third way that you get filled with the Holy Spirit, 01:24:26.020 |
And then, verse five to verse 22, wives submit. 01:24:41.420 |
So verse 18 derives the rest of the entire chapter. 01:24:46.420 |
You wanna be filled with the Holy Spirit, do verse 19. 01:24:50.980 |
You wanna be filled with the Holy Spirit, do verse 20. 01:24:53.620 |
You wanna be filled with the Holy Spirit, do verse 21, 01:24:56.980 |
all the way down to verse 32, and you will gain spirit. 01:25:08.420 |
as you live out the nature of what the relationship is 01:25:12.020 |
according to God, that's how you get spirit in your marriage. 01:25:19.620 |
Man, I need some spirit today, start submitting. 01:25:28.220 |
As you engage in your role and in the nature, 01:25:39.860 |
The outcome of living out the role, the nature, 01:25:44.060 |
not only does it give us an anchor for our why, 01:26:03.620 |
And God, I pray that you would allow for it to transform us. 01:26:12.020 |
discussing, talking, fill us, God, with your Holy Spirit. 01:26:17.020 |
Enable and empower us, God, to do these things. 01:26:25.860 |
would effect profound transformation and change, 01:26:29.180 |
profound revelation and a depth within these marriages 01:26:36.900 |
And God, I pray that they never lose sight of the why