back to indexWhy Save Sex for Marriage?
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A podcast listener writes in to ask this, "Pastor John, my girlfriend who is no longer a virgin continues to desire sex and thinks it is natural despite the fact that it's premarital. 00:00:15.000 |
She wants me to have sex with her. However, I'm a virgin who wants to remain pure until marriage. 00:00:20.000 |
My question is, if sex is so natural and normal, then why do we resist our humanity and restrain sex until marriage?" 00:00:27.000 |
What would you say to this podcast listener, Pastor John? 00:00:30.000 |
If she does not think it is a sin to have sex outside marriage, then you have a very ignorant and very foolish girl on your hands. 00:00:47.000 |
This is really basic to Christianity, and if she thinks sex outside marriage is holy, then she's not a worthy candidate for marriage. 00:01:01.000 |
And the relationship you are in, it seems, is certainly more than casual if she's wanting sex, so my counsel is move out of this relationship quickly. 00:01:17.000 |
Point her to the Bible, suggest that she study it and be in a good mentoring relationship with a godly woman, and see if she matures in the truth. 00:01:32.000 |
If she does think that it is sin, then you have a very selfish and even cruel girl on your hands because she not only is willing to sin herself and put her own soul at risk, 00:01:51.000 |
but is trying to get you not only into bed, but into hell with her, and so put your soul at risk. 00:02:01.000 |
And in either of these two cases, whether she's foolish and ignorant on the one hand, or selfish and cruel on the other hand, 00:02:11.000 |
she may well be motivated by the thought that getting you to have sex with her may be her way of holding on to you. 00:02:20.000 |
Since from her perspective, as long as you have not had sex, you're not bound to her. 00:02:27.000 |
But saying all that is not what you asked. That's just what I felt when I read your question. 00:02:34.000 |
It's not what you asked, even though I think it is what you should ask and what you need to hear. 00:02:40.000 |
You asked, "If sex is so natural and normal, why do we resist our humanity and restrain it till marriage?" 00:02:53.000 |
Now, I hope that question does not show a weakening of your conviction and courage. 00:03:00.000 |
And if you feel yourself weakening, please read Proverbs 7, which describes your situation exactly. 00:03:10.000 |
It says, Proverbs 7, 21, "With much seductive speech, she persuades him. 00:03:17.000 |
With her smooth talk, she compels him. All at once he follows her. 00:03:24.000 |
As an ox goes to the slaughter, as a stag is caught fast and an arrow pierces its liver, as a bird rushes into a snare, 00:03:36.000 |
he knows not that it will cost him his life." 00:03:42.000 |
If you don't think it's that serious, go back and read the words of Jesus and ask, 00:03:48.000 |
"Why did he talk this way?" in Matthew 5, 29. 00:03:53.000 |
If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out, throw it away. 00:03:58.000 |
For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 00:04:04.000 |
Why does Jesus talk about hell in relation to sexual temptation? 00:04:08.000 |
Because giving in to the seductive woman or man is like an ox going to the slaughter and a bird flying into a trap. 00:04:18.000 |
It will cost him his life. Don't play with fire. Flee fire. 00:04:24.000 |
Don't put your hand in it. Don't go to bed in fire. 00:04:34.000 |
We save sex for marriage precisely because it is natural and normal and beautiful, 00:04:45.000 |
so that we can keep it that way, so that it does not become common and sordid and manipulative and diseased and cheap, 00:04:55.000 |
but precious and personal and clean and sacred. 00:04:59.000 |
You don't put fences around weeds. You put fences around gardens. 00:05:07.000 |
We don't put our dirty socks under lock and key in the hotel room. 00:05:17.000 |
Holding sex until marriage doesn't make it unnatural. It makes it priceless. 00:05:25.000 |
Another reason we save sex till marriage is that marriage is a picture of the covenant between Christ and His church, 00:05:34.000 |
and sex in that picture is the most exquisite pointer in the covenant relationship 00:05:42.000 |
to the indescribable pleasures that await our full fellowship with Christ in the age to come in covenant with Jesus. 00:05:51.000 |
Sex outside marriage is a lie about Jesus and about His relationship to the church. 00:05:58.000 |
It's a lie about where ultimate joy is to be found. 00:06:02.000 |
And finally, Paul commands 1 Corinthians 6.18, "Flee from fornication." 00:06:13.000 |
"Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person, the fornicator, sins against his own body." 00:06:26.000 |
Now, I don't know all that that means, but it means at least there is a uniquely deep nature to this sin of fornication. 00:06:41.000 |
And I think any woman who thinks this experience of sexual union can be offered indiscriminately 00:06:50.000 |
is kidding herself about the depth of injury she is doing to her own soul. 00:06:59.000 |
That's why it's protected. Keep your virginity, and don't put your neck in the noose of this seduction. 00:07:12.000 |
And for more on just how dangerous sexual sin is, see our recent episodes #431 and #426 in the Ask Pastor John Podcast Archive. 00:07:20.000 |
You can find those episodes and over 450 others in our free app available in your app store. 00:07:26.000 |
Well, I don't know about you, but my prayer life can always use a fresh motivation, 00:07:29.000 |
and tomorrow we'll look at four very good reasons to pray. 00:07:33.000 |
I'm your host Tony Reinke. We'll see you tomorrow.