Why Being 'Too Nice' Can Be HARMFUL
00:00:00.000 | You're so worried about not offending someone or not hurting someone's feelings that you
00:00:04.620 | fail to tell them something they'd be better off knowing in the long run.
00:00:07.860 | And that is what I call ruinous empathy.
00:00:10.660 | And if there's one big reason why I wrote Radical Candor, it's to help us all be less
00:00:15.140 | ruinously empathetic, because it's not a good thing.
00:00:17.940 | It feels nice, but it's actually mean in the long run.
00:00:20.900 | Nice usually isn't so nice in the long run.
00:00:24.780 | But kind is what we're, what we're really shooting for.
00:00:27.460 | And I want people to be kind, but kind is radically candid.
00:00:30.740 | I grew up in the South, and there's this anecdote about someone went to finishing school, and
00:00:38.260 | they were taught to say, "How nice," instead of "F you."
00:00:44.740 | And that's really, you know, what's, what's going on often when people are being too nice.
00:00:49.460 | Not intentionally, but sort of unintentionally, you hurt people with that kind of ruinous