Should a Gay Couple, Once Converted, Stay ‘Married’?

00:00:00.000 | Today's question is one faced by a lot of pastors.

00:00:07.280 | I know this because I see it frequently pop up in the inbox.

00:00:10.900 | As people find Christ and are converted and are called to live differently than their

00:00:15.800 | pre-conversion passions, this raises endless questions about living arrangements.

00:00:22.080 | The question originates as a follow-up from a listener named Cameron.

00:00:25.280 | "Hi Pastor John, in episode 920, Divorce, Remarriage, and Honoring God, you argued that

00:00:30.560 | people should stay in a second marriage even though it was entered wrongly.

00:00:34.440 | You said, 'A prohibited relationship can become a consecrated and holy one.'"

00:00:43.280 | My question is along this line.

00:00:45.400 | Does this principle also hold to people in same-sex marriage relationships or in polygamous

00:00:50.280 | marriages?

00:00:51.560 | After conversion, would you advise them to stay in similar relationships and somehow

00:00:55.680 | consecrate them?

00:00:57.760 | What makes those two scenarios different in your mind than divorce?

00:01:02.520 | No, I would not recommend that two men or two women living together, practicing homosexuality,

00:01:12.640 | remain in that relationship.

00:01:15.640 | The reasons are several.

00:01:19.360 | The situations are different between a man and a woman entering a marriage they should

00:01:26.760 | not enter, and a man and a man entering a relationship they should not enter.

00:01:34.160 | Let me try to explain some of those differences, which would result in my decision not to recommend

00:01:42.800 | that they stay there.

00:01:43.880 | Number one, the reason I took the position that a man and a woman in a marriage which

00:01:52.760 | they should not have entered should stay in that marriage and seek to consecrate it to

00:02:00.200 | the Lord is because the Bible, while not condoning the entrance into the marriage, nevertheless

00:02:09.840 | calls it a marriage.

00:02:11.400 | Here's what it says in Luke 16, 18, "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another

00:02:18.680 | commits adultery."

00:02:21.160 | So don't do it, in other words.

00:02:23.120 | And he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

00:02:29.960 | But he does use the word "marry," not just sleep with.

00:02:35.340 | He calls it a marriage.

00:02:37.320 | And Jesus says to the woman who had been married five times in John 4, 17 to 18, "You are

00:02:44.640 | right," he says to her, "you are right in saying, 'I have no husband.'

00:02:51.020 | For you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband."

00:03:00.140 | So Jesus differentiates the five from the one, even though she's living with the one.

00:03:07.900 | And he says, "No, he's not your husband.

00:03:11.500 | The others were, and he's not."

00:03:14.500 | So I conclude that while it was an adulterous act to marry under the conditions that Jesus

00:03:22.420 | disapproves of in Luke 16, nevertheless it's called a marriage.

00:03:28.740 | And a marriage is a matter of covenant faithfulness between a man and a woman.

00:03:34.780 | And therefore I would encourage that couple to repent of what they did wrong and to ask

00:03:41.140 | for forgiveness and to consecrate their union, which, though it should not have happened,

00:03:49.500 | may nevertheless be holy before the Lord.

00:03:54.980 | But two men or two women entering a relationship of sexual union with promises is not a marriage.

00:04:06.380 | It's not a marriage.

00:04:07.820 | You can't consecrate a marriage that should not have taken place if it is not a marriage

00:04:15.460 | at all.

00:04:16.620 | And the union of two men and two women is not "gay marriage."

00:04:24.460 | It's no marriage.

00:04:26.020 | I don't like the idea that so many people are willing to use the term "gay marriage"

00:04:30.860 | instead of calling it "so-called gay marriage," because there is no such thing in the universe

00:04:37.100 | as so-called gay marriage.

00:04:40.060 | Marriage, which is defined by God in this world according to His Word, is not a man

00:04:49.540 | in union with a man.

00:04:51.580 | That's our imagination.

00:04:53.980 | His definition goes like this.

00:04:56.660 | He quotes Genesis 2:24, "A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to

00:05:03.500 | his woman, his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

00:05:08.900 | That's where Jesus went in Matthew 19, Mark 10, and it's where Paul went in Ephesians

00:05:14.540 | 5 when they were seeking to give the most essential definition of marriage.

00:05:20.540 | So that's the main reason one relationship can be consecrated as a holy marriage and

00:05:26.660 | the other one can't, because one is a marriage and the other is not a marriage, no matter

00:05:34.220 | how many thousands of times legislators and laws and judges and news commentators say

00:05:41.240 | that it is.

00:05:42.240 | It isn't.

00:05:43.240 | That's the first difference.

00:05:44.240 | Here's the second reason I would recommend that a man and a man or a woman and a woman

00:05:49.980 | in such a relationship not try to consecrate it but move out of it.

00:05:55.140 | The second reason why I treat a man and a woman entering the marriage they shouldn't

00:06:03.640 | differently than a man and a man entering a relationship they shouldn't is that you

00:06:10.020 | can't make honorable what God has said by nature is dishonorable.

00:06:17.980 | In other words, homosexual behavior is not wrong just because it's commanded that we

00:06:26.500 | don't do it.

00:06:27.940 | It's wrong because by nature it is dishonorable and shameful.

00:06:33.820 | In other words, sexual relations between a man and a woman are not by nature dishonorable

00:06:39.540 | and shameful, but sexual relations between two men or two women are by nature dishonorable

00:06:47.260 | and shameful according to Romans 126 that goes like this.

00:06:52.140 | For this reason, God gave them up to dishonorable passions.

00:06:57.720 | For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature and

00:07:04.380 | the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion

00:07:10.620 | for one another, men committing shameless.

00:07:13.900 | So he's called them shameless and dishonorable.

00:07:18.740 | Shameless or shameful acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty of their error.

00:07:25.860 | No amount of repenting, no amount of faith, no amount of consecration can turn that which

00:07:34.940 | is by nature dishonorable and shameful into an act that is holy or pure or honorable.

00:07:43.020 | That's why I would encourage two men or two women involved in such acts to renounce sin,

00:07:50.060 | repent, ask for forgiveness in the name of Jesus, and no longer make any provision for

00:07:56.940 | the flesh as Paul says in Romans 13, 14.

00:08:01.260 | We did an APJ on polygamy about three months ago.

00:08:05.220 | I think it's episode 1304, and maybe I can just refer Cameron back to that one for some

00:08:13.420 | thoughts on that issue.

00:08:14.940 | It's not exactly the same issue when he raises it alongside homosexuality.

00:08:20.060 | It's not the same issue because it doesn't involve sexual acts which by nature are dishonorable

00:08:26.740 | and shameful, but it is not in accord with God's original will for marriage according

00:08:32.500 | to Genesis 2, 24, and so it can't be consecrated in the same way that the marriage of one man

00:08:40.180 | and one woman can be.

00:08:42.100 | So the aim would be to help those who realize this to find the most just and gracious way

00:08:51.480 | to bring a polygamous relationship to an end.

00:08:56.820 | That won't be easy, and great wisdom will be needed, especially in missionary context.

00:09:03.660 | Thank you, Pastor John.

00:09:06.020 | Well, we continue to get a lot of pastoral questions here about living arrangements for

00:09:10.100 | those who are recently converted.

00:09:12.120 | Please keep sending those questions in to us.

00:09:13.860 | You can do so through our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

00:09:20.500 | Well speaking of missionary context, next time we're going to close the week with a

00:09:24.020 | question about mission, specifically can an elect person die without ever having heard

00:09:29.160 | the gospel, or is that impossible?

00:09:31.780 | It's a good question with many practical implications flowing out of it.

00:09:37.020 | We'll see you back here on Friday.

00:09:39.300 | Thanks for listening.

00:09:40.020 | [END]

00:09:42.020 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

Should a Gay Couple, Once Converted, Stay ‘Married’?

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