Why Parents Spank
00:00:00.000 | We're joined this week on the podcast by parenting expert Ted Tripp and Dr. Tripp,
00:00:09.000 | the topic of physical punishment and raising children is in the news here in Minnesota
00:00:12.840 | right now with the recent issues surrounding Vikings running back Adrian Peterson and the
00:00:17.760 | accusations that he left his four-year-old son with dozens of wounds on his legs, clearly
00:00:23.040 | crossing a line of what is reasonable for physical discipline.
00:00:26.360 | But most people seem to see a difference between discipline and abuse, but situations like
00:00:31.660 | Peterson expose a lot of folks in culture who simply want to do away with spanking altogether.
00:00:37.140 | If there's a chance it can be done wrong, let's not do it at all.
00:00:40.760 | So speak to this biblically.
00:00:43.240 | What's the purpose of reasonable physical discipline in raising children, the rod, as
00:00:47.960 | the Bible calls it, and maybe share with us your own story as a young parent and how you
00:00:52.000 | came to embrace this practice rather reluctantly.
00:00:55.080 | Well, I think spanking is a very, very unpopular topic.
00:00:59.960 | I often laugh about this.
00:01:02.360 | I've been teaching on this.
00:01:03.760 | First time I ever taught a series and talked about spanking was in 1976.
00:01:09.840 | I've talked about it more times than I can remember.
00:01:12.960 | I'm losing the battle because fewer and fewer Christian people are willing to embrace it.
00:01:18.400 | It's a hard thing for us in our culture, but I know my personal story is I came of
00:01:28.120 | age in the late 60s.
00:01:32.560 | I got married in 1968.
00:01:34.120 | I had a son in 1969.
00:01:35.680 | I had very much imbibed while I was a Christian, I had still very much imbibed the thoughts
00:01:43.760 | of the age, "Be a free spirit," and all that kind of stuff.
00:01:48.880 | So I wasn't going to do anything to curb my young son, who was born in 1969.
00:01:55.960 | By the early 70s, we were in trouble.
00:01:58.320 | This kid was wild and unruly.
00:02:01.200 | We heard teaching from the Word of God that talked about spanking and took us through
00:02:06.680 | the passages in Proverbs, and we were very compelled by those passages.
00:02:13.040 | I remember wrestling with this, Tony, wrestling with the fact that I did not want to spank
00:02:18.880 | my children.
00:02:19.880 | I didn't want anything within me.
00:02:21.600 | My whole political and social philosophy of life was completely contrary to what I could
00:02:28.760 | see God was calling me to do.
00:02:31.320 | I was brought, I don't want to say kicking and screaming, but I was brought reluctantly
00:02:37.080 | to embrace what God had called me to do and try to sort out, "How do I do this?
00:02:42.720 | In ways that are gracious and appropriate and not destructive?"
00:02:47.440 | That son is now 45 years old.
00:02:49.200 | I cannot imagine what his life would be or our lives with our other two children would
00:02:56.160 | have been if we had never gotten a hold of this biblical truth.
00:03:01.240 | So I think one of the reasons why I'm an advocate of spanking is I'm persuaded it's what God
00:03:06.720 | calls us to do, and it's a matter of faith and obedience for me.
00:03:11.280 | But I think, what's the purpose of it?
00:03:14.240 | I think spanking, especially with little children, and I think that spanking is most effective
00:03:20.200 | with younger children, spanking gets their attention.
00:03:25.480 | It gives weight to your words.
00:03:28.920 | It humbles them.
00:03:30.720 | They want to avoid it, and it becomes a very effective way, particularly with little children
00:03:37.400 | where you can't really reason with them and they're not capable of complex reasoning.
00:03:43.520 | It's a very effective way of helping them to understand the importance of obeying mommy
00:03:50.040 | and daddy.
00:03:51.040 | So I think that it's indispensable in those early years, particularly.
00:03:59.240 | Now as kids get older, they get more stoic about it, and what it would take to make the
00:04:05.600 | same impression, say, on a 12-year-old that you make on a 2-year-old with a couple of
00:04:10.560 | swats on the fatty part of his bottom, you would have to be doing something very excessive
00:04:16.040 | with a 12-year-old.
00:04:17.800 | So I think, obviously, as kids get older, we're going to turn to other things.
00:04:22.520 | But I think in those early years, there is no substitute for it.
00:04:27.040 | And the nice thing, too, with spanking is that when a child is spanked, it's over.
00:04:32.880 | He is disciplined.
00:04:34.240 | I talk about steps to take in the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart," but he's disciplined.
00:04:40.120 | And then you take him up on your lap, you tell him how much you love him, you assure
00:04:44.240 | him.
00:04:45.240 | I used to say to my kids, "Daddy hates to spank you.
00:04:47.720 | I hope I never have to spank you again."
00:04:50.520 | I told them that hundreds of times.
00:04:54.000 | And by and by, the day came when they didn't require that kind of discipline.
00:04:59.800 | And I think the nice thing with spanking is that when you're done, you restore the child,
00:05:06.080 | you hug him, you pray with him, it's over.
00:05:09.080 | He's not in the doghouse.
00:05:10.080 | You don't have to ask yourself if you do something fun later in the day.
00:05:14.080 | Should we bring him along?
00:05:15.080 | After all, he was bad this morning.
00:05:16.600 | No, that was done.
00:05:18.280 | It's been carried forth behind us.
00:05:20.760 | We're moving on.
00:05:22.200 | I think it is just such a much more freeing way to interact with kids and be able to put
00:05:32.760 | the discipline behind you and move on than other methods of discipline like time out
00:05:37.880 | that requires time or sitting on the chair, and no one can talk to you when you're on
00:05:43.160 | the chair and that kind of stuff.
00:05:44.480 | I think that in my mind is much more destructive than a gracious, timely, appropriate use of
00:05:54.520 | physical discipline with little kids.
00:05:57.920 | I was blessed to have been raised in a home where I did get disciplined as a kid for defiant
00:06:02.000 | behavior at least a few times.
00:06:04.360 | And my kids love hearing stories of when dad got spanked as a kid.
00:06:08.600 | And I find that whenever there's a lack of attention in family worship, I know I can
00:06:12.520 | just weave in one of those spanking stories into whatever we're talking about.
00:06:16.640 | Even if I've told the story 10,000 times, I know it will arrest their attention.
00:06:20.120 | Well, you know, it's interesting.
00:06:21.240 | Our kids, all three of our kids, well, we're the only children that have children, but
00:06:26.840 | all three of our kids were spanked.
00:06:28.840 | And I have nine grandchildren.
00:06:30.840 | They've all been spanked.
00:06:32.600 | And they are happy children.
00:06:35.200 | My children are not abusive parents.
00:06:38.400 | So it does really bear good fruit for kids.
00:06:42.640 | Amen.
00:06:43.640 | Thank you, Dr. Tripp.
00:06:44.640 | And for more on physical discipline, see Chapter 11 of Ted Tripp's bestselling book, Shepherding
00:06:48.920 | a Child's Heart.
00:06:49.920 | There he addresses those key biblical passages in Proverbs, like Chapter 13, verse 24, and
00:06:55.000 | 19, 18, and 22, 15, and 23, 13 to 14, and of course, Proverbs 29, 17, which says, "Discipline
00:07:03.480 | your son, and he will give you rest.
00:07:05.920 | He will give delight to your heart."
00:07:08.800 | That is a sweet word.
00:07:10.520 | But speaking of discipline, what are the greatest hurdles for parents who refuse to use physical
00:07:15.000 | discipline?
00:07:16.000 | We'll talk about that tomorrow.
00:07:17.000 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.
00:07:18.000 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.
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