Should Christians Visit Cemeteries?

00:00:00.000 | [Music]

00:00:04.000 | Well, cemeteries are unique places.

00:00:07.000 | They're somber, normally very quiet acres,

00:00:11.000 | quarantined from the bustle of a city.

00:00:14.000 | For many, these are awkwardly uncomfortable places.

00:00:18.000 | But others are drawn to make regular pilgrimages to cemeteries.

00:00:22.000 | And for those who do visit cemeteries,

00:00:24.000 | it raises the question over what we're seeking to accomplish

00:00:27.000 | in a grave visit.

00:00:30.000 | The question is from Dave.

00:00:32.000 | "Dear Pastor John, thank you for this podcast," he writes.

00:00:34.000 | "I appreciate your thoughtful answers to hard questions.

00:00:37.000 | I'm wondering what Christians should do and feel and think at a cemetery.

00:00:41.000 | I see some Christians decorating their loved ones' graves with flowers.

00:00:45.000 | Some visit often, even weekly.

00:00:47.000 | Some remember fondly.

00:00:49.000 | Some weep every time they visit over a period of many years.

00:00:52.000 | Is there bad theology behind some of these practices?

00:00:55.000 | At what point do we become overly maudlin?

00:00:58.000 | When does it become ancestor worship?

00:01:01.000 | When does it become a wasting of time?

00:01:04.000 | The Bible observes extended periods of mourning and death.

00:01:07.000 | Also, some graves were clearly marked and remembered for generations.

00:01:11.000 | And Solomon said that it's better to go to the house of mourning

00:01:14.000 | than to go to the house of feasting.

00:01:16.000 | What should Christians accomplish and take away from cemetery visits?"

00:01:22.000 | There are moments in life that signify in an unusual way

00:01:29.000 | a division between the past and the future.

00:01:33.000 | Graduation from high school or college, marriage, a new job.

00:01:40.000 | That season is over.

00:01:42.000 | A new season is beginning.

00:01:45.000 | But it seems to me that apart from our own conversion,

00:01:52.000 | probably the event that divides our past and future most decisively

00:01:59.000 | is the death of someone we love.

00:02:02.000 | That season is over in a way that is more absolute

00:02:08.000 | than all the other season endings.

00:02:11.000 | And you might say a cemetery or a memorial stone or a brass marker

00:02:18.000 | with a precious name on it is like a large, unavoidable signpost

00:02:25.000 | pointing in two directions--your past life with your loved one

00:02:31.000 | and your future life without your loved one.

00:02:35.000 | So what is a biblical disposition or a biblical attitude

00:02:41.000 | as you stand there beside that glaring signpost dividing your life?

00:02:49.000 | Or the way Dave asked the question, "Are there unbiblical, unhealthy things

00:02:55.000 | that you could do at this signpost, this gravestone?

00:03:01.000 | And are there biblical and healthy things that you could do in a cemetery?"

00:03:08.000 | So let me start with mentioning a few unbiblical, unhealthy things

00:03:16.000 | you could feel and do in the cemetery and then end

00:03:20.000 | with some biblical, healthy suggestions.

00:03:25.000 | What would make our visit to the graveside of a loved one unbiblical

00:03:31.000 | and unhealthy would be a kind of ongoing need for the deceased person

00:03:40.000 | that is not being met by faith in Jesus and is being expressed

00:03:48.000 | in unhealthy and Christ-dishonoring ways.

00:03:54.000 | Now, the Bible does clearly say that there is a sense in which

00:04:00.000 | members of the body of Christ--and that would include Christian family members--

00:04:05.000 | need each other. That's no dishonor to Christ when we realize

00:04:11.000 | that other people are gifts from Christ and are intended to represent Christ to us.

00:04:19.000 | So in 1 Corinthians 12:21, Paul says, "The eye cannot say to the hand,

00:04:27.000 | 'I have no need of you.'" Yes, you do. It's not right for you to say

00:04:33.000 | you don't need other people that God has designed and put in your life.

00:04:39.000 | But when God, in his providence, which is always wise and just and good

00:04:47.000 | and toward his people always loving, takes away a member of the body of Christ,

00:04:54.000 | a member of the family, he is saying, God is saying,

00:04:59.000 | "You don't need this person anymore. Not the way you did before.

00:05:05.000 | I will be your supply. I will meet every need of yours in Christ Jesus."

00:05:12.000 | So if our visit to the cemetery is an ongoing expression of,

00:05:17.000 | "I need you. I can't live without you," that's an expression of distrust

00:05:25.000 | in the promises of Christ. Some examples of what that distrust might look like

00:05:32.000 | would be, for example, coming to the cemetery to express anger at God,

00:05:38.000 | feeling angry at the all-wise, all-good God is a sinful response to loss.

00:05:48.000 | Or you might come to the cemetery to say, "I need you so urgently

00:05:55.000 | that I'm going to try to communicate with the dead."

00:05:58.000 | Now God said to Israel in Deuteronomy 18.10, "There shall not be found among you

00:06:05.000 | anyone who is a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead.

00:06:12.000 | For whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord."

00:06:17.000 | It's a sin to try to set up a communication with the dead.

00:06:22.000 | Or another form that this unfaithful response might take would be

00:06:29.000 | coming to the cemetery to do penance for all the ways you can remember

00:06:35.000 | that you failed the person who has died. You feel guilty, and you think that

00:06:42.000 | perhaps if you show enough sorrow at the graveside, it will make up for the wrongs

00:06:47.000 | that you did. And the problem with that is that Christ does not teach us

00:06:53.000 | to deal with our failures and our sins that way. He understands our failures

00:06:59.000 | and our guilt feelings. And believe me, every one of us at the graveside

00:07:08.000 | of someone we loved are going to feel this. We're going to feel a sense of failure.

00:07:14.000 | We're going to remember all the ways we could have loved so much better.

00:07:19.000 | Yes, we will. But the solution to that painful problem of guilt is not more

00:07:27.000 | hours of penance in the cemetery in the rain, but more trust in the all-sufficiency

00:07:35.000 | of the blood of Christ. So those are a few of the ways that coming to the cemetery

00:07:43.000 | might be unbiblical and unhealthy. What about healthy, healthy ways?

00:07:50.000 | And I'll just mention seven bullet points. Number one, come to the cemetery to weep.

00:07:58.000 | There is no question but that losing someone you love is worse than an amputation,

00:08:04.000 | and amputations hurt and bidden or unbidden, the tears flow. It is right that they do so,

00:08:12.000 | and the graveside is a most fitting place for those tears. Number two, come to the cemetery

00:08:19.000 | to be sobered by your own mortality, your own inevitable death. As the psalmist says,

00:08:27.000 | we should get a heart of wisdom by numbering our days. Few things blow the fog of worldliness

00:08:35.000 | away like the loss of a loved one. So come to the cemetery and let your loss teach you

00:08:43.000 | wisdom for the brief life that remains. Three, come to the cemetery to rekindle

00:08:51.000 | the fires of resurrection hope and the hope of being with Christ in the meantime.

00:08:57.000 | As you stand beside the grave of the body that will decay, the body that you held perhaps,

00:09:06.000 | lift up your eyes to heaven and believe the promise that what is sown in dishonor

00:09:11.000 | will be raised in glory. Four, come to the cemetery to think, to ponder, to meditate.

00:09:21.000 | What can I learn from this loss? What would I have done differently?

00:09:28.000 | What are the implications of this void in my life for my future? What can I learn about God in Christ

00:09:36.000 | and about salvation and the meaning and purpose of life from this painful vantage point?

00:09:45.000 | It is a rare and precious moment and there is so much to learn.

00:09:52.000 | Five, come to the cemetery to express respect and honor. Was it not a high privilege to have

00:10:01.000 | been their friend or spouse or the admirer from a distance of this deceased person?

00:10:08.000 | I want to pay tribute to their value in my life. I owe them so much. By my presence here,

00:10:17.000 | I am saying I honor them. I respect them. I pay tribute to them and to the God who gave me

00:10:26.000 | the privilege of knowing them. Number six, come to the cemetery to give thanks.

00:10:31.000 | It is virtually inevitable that we will feel thankfulness welling up in our hearts

00:10:38.000 | to those we loved and lost. We would like them to know this, but we know that trying to

00:10:47.000 | communicate directly with the dead is a sin. And so all of our thanks is offered up to God

00:10:55.000 | and he would not begrudge us the prayerful suggestion that he inform our redeemed loved one

00:11:05.000 | how we feel. But mainly, we are overflowing with thankfulness to God for their life

00:11:13.000 | and what it meant for us and still means to us and what a great place to say it and feel it.

00:11:24.000 | Finally, number seven, come to the cemetery to be inspired and made hopeful by the promises

00:11:32.000 | of God that he will be with you from this day on. He will help us. He will strengthen us.

00:11:39.000 | He will uphold us with the right hand of his righteousness. He will sanctify to us

00:11:45.000 | all our sorrow. He will make us useful in the days to come for the good of others

00:11:52.000 | and for his glory and for our own joy.

00:11:57.000 | Yeah, there's a recalibration of our lives after spending time among the dead.

00:12:02.000 | Thank you, Pastor John. Thank you for the question, Dave, and everyone listening.

00:12:05.000 | Thanks for joining us today. You can ask a question of your own.

00:12:08.000 | You can search our growing archive or subscribe to the podcast all at

00:12:12.000 | DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

00:12:16.000 | And I'm not sure what's up next, but I am your host, Tony Reinke,

00:12:20.000 | and we will see you back here on Monday. Have a great weekend.

00:12:23.000 | [end]

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Should Christians Visit Cemeteries?

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