On Permanent Birth Control
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | - We are in our 10th year of the podcast now,
00:00:06.760 | coming up on 1800 episodes in the archive.
00:00:09.640 | It's amazing.
00:00:10.480 | And over the course of that decade,
00:00:11.480 | we've covered a lot of different topics.
00:00:13.840 | And that includes the topic of birth control,
00:00:16.360 | or better put conception control.
00:00:19.240 | And it's arisen three times in the podcast
00:00:20.880 | and three episodes, APJs 230, 552, and 1347.
00:00:25.880 | The most recent being three years ago.
00:00:27.880 | But today we have a follow up question
00:00:29.280 | built off something you said on the podcast
00:00:31.040 | seven years ago, Pastor John.
00:00:32.480 | Here it is from an anonymous woman,
00:00:34.560 | a Christian, a wife and a mother.
00:00:36.680 | Hello, Pastor John, thank you for taking my question.
00:00:38.800 | Here's the context.
00:00:40.280 | My husband and I have two wonderful boys.
00:00:42.080 | I believe our family is complete.
00:00:44.200 | He does too.
00:00:45.440 | We have each independently decided
00:00:47.360 | that two children is enough.
00:00:48.880 | I've asked my husband to consider a vasectomy.
00:00:51.800 | He's interested and feels that he is done
00:00:53.920 | having children himself.
00:00:54.960 | So the potential for children in a remarriage,
00:00:57.880 | if death were to end our present marriage,
00:00:59.560 | seems to not necessarily factor in here,
00:01:01.920 | a very important argument you made
00:01:03.400 | in point number three of APJ 552.
00:01:07.320 | But ultimately my husband is undecided
00:01:09.080 | because he's not sure if God permits such an action.
00:01:12.200 | In your view of the Bible,
00:01:13.360 | is it okay for a monogamous husband and father of two
00:01:16.160 | who is done having children with me
00:01:18.080 | or any future wife to get a vasectomy?
00:01:23.880 | The older I get, the more skeptical I become
00:01:28.320 | of the freedom I think I have
00:01:32.520 | from being formed by my own culture.
00:01:37.720 | Or to put it, let me put it another way.
00:01:40.320 | That may not have been clear.
00:01:41.280 | Let me put it in another way.
00:01:42.800 | The older I get, the more suspicious I become
00:01:47.560 | that I am more a child of my historical
00:01:52.560 | and cultural circumstances than I once thought I was.
00:01:56.560 | Now, one of the reasons I say this
00:02:00.880 | is to help people like this couple not take offense
00:02:05.520 | when I wave a yellow flag, not a red flag,
00:02:08.600 | but a yellow flag, a big yellow flag,
00:02:11.560 | warning us all, warning us all,
00:02:14.160 | that when it comes to children and sex and family
00:02:21.720 | and personal freedom and comforts,
00:02:25.320 | we are almost certainly deeply infected
00:02:30.320 | by a contemporary culture that for decades,
00:02:35.200 | through television, movies, videos, advertising,
00:02:39.040 | books, articles, podcasts,
00:02:41.800 | has shaped our mindset about marriage and children
00:02:46.000 | and sex and freedom of the unencumbered self.
00:02:51.000 | None of us comes to the Bible with a blank slate.
00:02:54.480 | In these matters, we are profoundly shaped
00:02:59.000 | by the cultural air we breathe.
00:03:02.000 | And that culture, and it's been this way for a long time,
00:03:06.040 | that culture does not rejoice at the blessing of children.
00:03:12.240 | It does not gladly embrace the enormous cost
00:03:17.000 | and effort of raising children in the nurture
00:03:20.120 | and admonition of the Lord.
00:03:21.640 | It does not see marriage as forming a beautiful,
00:03:26.160 | meaningful, lifelong, faith-building,
00:03:28.680 | character-forming matrix for growing the next generation.
00:03:32.860 | It doesn't put any value on the pain
00:03:38.440 | that inevitably comes with deep covenant commitments
00:03:41.780 | to spouses and children,
00:03:44.040 | but instead justifies every possible means
00:03:47.400 | of minimizing our own personal frustration and pleasure
00:03:51.320 | and maximizing personal freedom,
00:03:54.400 | whether through postponing marriage or not having children
00:03:57.960 | or avoiding any kind of commitment
00:04:00.520 | or divorcing in order to get out of an uncomfortable marriage
00:04:03.960 | or neglect of children,
00:04:07.440 | sticking them in some kind of institution
00:04:09.400 | while we go about our careers.
00:04:11.180 | Our culture has virtually stripped the pleasures of sex
00:04:18.040 | from the place God appointed for them,
00:04:21.560 | namely woven into the covenant commitments
00:04:24.680 | of lifelong marriage.
00:04:26.240 | These and dozens of other ways we are all infected
00:04:30.880 | by the spirit of our times.
00:04:34.020 | All of that to say, I speak with the kind of trembling
00:04:39.020 | that I may be more a child of my times than I wish.
00:04:45.080 | I try to be under the scriptures.
00:04:48.080 | I want to be shaped by the scripture.
00:04:51.720 | I want to be counter-cultural in a biblical way.
00:04:54.640 | I want to be radical for Jesus,
00:04:57.680 | but I know how inevitable it is
00:05:00.400 | that I speak from a particular cultural time, place,
00:05:04.540 | not to mention my own sinfulness and intellectual limits.
00:05:10.720 | So with that confession,
00:05:14.440 | let me just rehearse briefly
00:05:17.000 | what I have said more extensively elsewhere.
00:05:20.660 | I believe marriage is normative for Christians.
00:05:24.540 | Normative, it's normative to be married
00:05:28.080 | because Genesis 2.18 says,
00:05:30.960 | "It's not good for man to be alone."
00:05:32.760 | And because we are so wonderfully designed,
00:05:37.840 | I think physically and psychologically by God
00:05:41.120 | to form covenant commitments consummated in sexual union
00:05:45.560 | with the glorious wonder of making and raising babies.
00:05:50.180 | Nevertheless, though I believe that's normative,
00:05:56.180 | I can see in the life of Jesus
00:06:00.240 | and in the life of the apostle Paul and their teachings
00:06:04.360 | that marriage is not an absolute requirement of Christians,
00:06:08.500 | but that for kingdom purposes,
00:06:11.580 | for God-centered, Christ-exalting,
00:06:14.440 | mission-advancing, church-building,
00:06:17.600 | soul-saving, sanctifying purposes,
00:06:21.640 | one might choose a life of singleness.
00:06:25.580 | Now by analogy,
00:06:28.800 | I believe having children in marriage is normative.
00:06:33.520 | Children are a great blessing.
00:06:35.760 | They are one of the purposes and miracles of sexual union.
00:06:39.720 | To turn away from procreation in marriage
00:06:44.760 | for the sake of some worldly gain,
00:06:47.640 | rather than being motivated by God-centered,
00:06:51.180 | Christ-exalting kingdom advancement is a sin.
00:06:55.880 | Nevertheless, on the analogy of marriage,
00:07:00.400 | just as for kingdom reasons, singleness may be chosen,
00:07:05.400 | it is possible for Christ's sake and for holy purposes
00:07:11.120 | that limiting the number of children would be chosen also.
00:07:16.080 | The principle in both cases,
00:07:19.400 | getting married and having children,
00:07:21.980 | is one of self-denying, Christ-exalting,
00:07:26.400 | mission-advancing motivation.
00:07:29.160 | What's your motivation?
00:07:31.080 | Rather than simply following the course of the age
00:07:34.560 | in order to maximize worldly freedoms and worldly comforts.
00:07:38.560 | Now, that puts a huge burden on all of us
00:07:44.800 | to honestly know our own hearts, doesn't it?
00:07:49.320 | Search me, oh God, and know my thoughts,
00:07:52.260 | and see if there be any wicked way in me
00:07:54.960 | governing these choices.
00:07:57.880 | This must be our cry,
00:07:59.960 | because we are all so prone to come up with a theology
00:08:04.400 | and an ethics that justify our desires.
00:08:07.080 | So, I think you can see in these observations
00:08:12.180 | that I don't regard all birth control,
00:08:17.160 | or better, conception control, as sinful.
00:08:21.340 | Using abortifacients that kill a conceived child
00:08:28.280 | would be sin, but choosing not to conceive
00:08:33.280 | may not be a sin, which means, it seems to me,
00:08:39.040 | that the methods and the timing of such choices
00:08:44.040 | will become a matter of biblically
00:08:47.960 | and medically informed wisdom.
00:08:51.080 | So, what would my advice be that might contribute
00:08:55.940 | to the wisdom of this couple,
00:08:58.600 | besides what I've tried to say?
00:09:00.820 | Let me pick one sentence from what they wrote,
00:09:05.680 | or she wrote, I think the wife is writing for them together.
00:09:10.520 | She says, quote, "I've asked my husband
00:09:14.000 | "to consider a vasectomy.
00:09:15.660 | "He's interested and feels that he is done having children,
00:09:21.760 | "so the potential for children in a remarriage,
00:09:24.900 | "if death were to end our present marriage,
00:09:27.340 | "seems not necessarily to factor in here," end of quote.
00:09:32.040 | Three questions about that sentence.
00:09:34.240 | First, the word feels.
00:09:36.400 | He feels that he is done having children.
00:09:41.040 | Feelings are notoriously temporary,
00:09:43.900 | and even if she had said he thinks that he is done,
00:09:48.440 | I would say the same thing.
00:09:50.240 | We just don't know in such circumstances
00:09:55.240 | what may happen in our lives
00:09:58.740 | that would make an irreversible sterilization tragic.
00:10:03.740 | Second question, the word seems.
00:10:08.020 | She says, "The potential for children in a remarriage,
00:10:11.200 | "if death were to end our present marriage,
00:10:12.980 | "seems not to necessarily factor in here."
00:10:17.740 | Seems is a pretty weak word.
00:10:19.560 | Death is a real possibility in a marriage,
00:10:24.340 | and in that case, remarriage would both be likely
00:10:29.560 | and, I think, good.
00:10:31.720 | How does he know what his heart would say
00:10:37.400 | in that new marriage?
00:10:38.880 | How does he know?
00:10:40.400 | It seems that it may not be a factor.
00:10:43.160 | Well, that's pretty flimsy.
00:10:46.280 | Third, nothing is said about the wife
00:10:51.140 | in that possible new marriage.
00:10:54.920 | Seems like you are only taking into account
00:10:58.180 | your own preferences about whether you would want children
00:11:02.520 | in that new marriage.
00:11:04.000 | What about hers?
00:11:05.140 | And be careful about assuming that you're too old
00:11:09.940 | to become a parent.
00:11:11.180 | Noelle and I adopted when I was 50.
00:11:14.700 | What if a 50-year-old man marries a 35-year-old single woman
00:11:19.700 | who deeply longs, has always dreamed of giving birth
00:11:24.700 | to her own child?
00:11:28.500 | So my fallible contribution to your effort
00:11:32.300 | to act biblically, and I admire you for it,
00:11:35.040 | and to act wisely is to simply say,
00:11:39.780 | one, search your hearts so that your decision
00:11:43.740 | to have no more children is a Christ honoring decision,
00:11:47.060 | a mission advancing decision.
00:11:48.880 | Second, be very slow to implement that decision
00:11:55.060 | with a kind of sterilization that would cut off
00:11:57.420 | godly future possibilities, which you cannot presently see.
00:12:02.060 | And maybe just one other word of counsel.
00:12:05.960 | Sit down together and open your Bible
00:12:08.780 | and read the first 12 verses of Psalm 25.
00:12:13.780 | I say that because I don't know any other passage
00:12:17.900 | of scripture that is better for putting into words
00:12:22.900 | our cry for guidance and wisdom from God.
00:12:28.380 | - Thank you for that caution, Pastor John,
00:12:30.140 | and thank you for listening to this episode.
00:12:32.300 | This episode is a follow-up question
00:12:33.660 | built off a previous episode, a 2015 one of ours,
00:12:36.620 | titled, "Is Permanent Birth Control a Sin?"
00:12:39.660 | That was APJ 552.
00:12:42.260 | I would commend that episode to you,
00:12:43.700 | along with episodes 230 and 1347.
00:12:46.580 | You can find all three, APJs 230, 552, and 1347
00:12:50.860 | at our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.
00:12:55.860 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke,
00:12:57.180 | and we will see you back here on Monday.
00:12:59.540 | Have a great weekend.
00:13:00.580 | (upbeat music)
00:13:03.160 | (upbeat music)
00:13:05.740 | [BLANK_AUDIO]