Eight Counsels for Those Thinking of Quitting
00:00:00.000 | We get emails every day from listeners who are on the brink of quitting.
00:00:09.680 | Quitting jobs, quitting ministry, quitting the pastorate.
00:00:14.460 | Quitting the pastorate is our focus today, but with implications for all types of quitting,
00:00:18.480 | we've addressed a question similar to the one we addressed today back in APJ 1405 in
00:00:22.920 | an episode titled "I'm Not Good at My Job.
00:00:25.960 | Is the Lord Telling Me to Quit?"
00:00:27.940 | But today's question is specifically about ministry from an anonymous pastor who writes
00:00:33.240 | this.
00:00:34.240 | Pastor John, "Hello, I'm an elder in a church in northern Minnesota and struggling with
00:00:38.760 | negative and passive-aggressive congregation members.
00:00:42.640 | In your pastorate, how did you continue to find joy in serving people that routinely
00:00:46.840 | tell you all the bad things you're doing, but rarely ever tell you the good that you're
00:00:51.280 | doing?
00:00:52.280 | That's the season I'm in right now, and at what point does this struggle signify that
00:00:56.540 | I should step down from the pastorate?"
00:00:59.680 | Well, there are, I think, two very important questions in this cry for help, and I sure
00:01:08.680 | sympathize with the feelings of hearing mainly criticism from people you hope would say more.
00:01:18.760 | One of those questions, and I'll come to it at the end, is how do you continue to find
00:01:24.320 | joy in serving people that are critical rather than encouraging?
00:01:27.920 | That's one question.
00:01:29.080 | The other one is how do you discern when you should step down from the pastorate?
00:01:36.880 | Both of those are huge and painful considerations, so let's start with the second one, and then
00:01:43.720 | I'll try to get to the first one in just a minute.
00:01:47.520 | I suppose you could say that what I'm suggesting here is a kind of triage for an embattled
00:01:56.120 | pastor.
00:01:57.120 | In other words, what are the questions that we should ask when there is short-term or
00:02:02.400 | long-term criticism of our ministry?
00:02:06.120 | It really could apply to others as well, besides pastors who are in various kinds of callings
00:02:10.540 | and feel themselves barraged with critical responses to their efforts.
00:02:17.040 | What are the questions that will help us know how to respond and whether the criticisms
00:02:23.400 | are an indication that we should not be serving in this place or in this way anymore?
00:02:29.560 | So first, are the criticisms true, or what parts of them are true and what parts are
00:02:37.160 | untrue or exaggerated?
00:02:39.760 | And here we're going to need not only biblically informed self-knowledge, humble self-knowledge,
00:02:47.120 | which is really important in the ministry, but the wisdom of those who know us best,
00:02:53.640 | which would include our spouse, hopefully, wise colleagues that we trust who can help
00:02:59.480 | us sort through what is true and untrue about the criticisms.
00:03:04.240 | Second, is the criticism serious?
00:03:09.480 | There are all kinds of tastes and opinions that are different from ours that can come
00:03:14.800 | at us as criticisms but have very little serious significance about the way we do our work.
00:03:21.280 | Somebody might not like the shirt you wear or the tone of your voice when you answer
00:03:25.720 | the phone or where your wife sits in the worship service.
00:03:30.200 | Oh my goodness, there are endless non-serious criticisms that we may or may not respond
00:03:38.160 | to.
00:03:39.360 | For these, Charles Spurgeon, bless his heart, counseled a good blind eye and a deaf ear.
00:03:45.720 | I love that.
00:03:46.720 | That's a great message he gave in lectures to my students, a blind eye and a deaf ear.
00:03:51.200 | So valuable for pastors.
00:03:52.720 | I recommend it.
00:03:54.040 | Third, is the criticism longstanding?
00:03:58.720 | Was it a one-off disapproval or has it been going on for months or years?
00:04:04.120 | Now that may indicate a need for change or it may indicate a need for confronting a person
00:04:11.160 | who is divisive or unhelpfully negative.
00:04:16.200 | Fourth, is it a criticism coming from only one disgruntled person or from a number of
00:04:25.000 | reputable church members?
00:04:28.440 | It is possible that a lot of people can see things in a wrong way.
00:04:33.840 | Therefore numbers is not the only factor to take into consideration, but it is far less
00:04:40.560 | likely that the number of Christians are mistaken if there's more than one.
00:04:47.240 | I mean, if it's just one person, that's one thing.
00:04:50.080 | If it's many and continued, that's more serious.
00:04:54.280 | So it's important to take seriously the same criticism coming from numerous sources.
00:05:00.640 | Fifth, is it a moral issue involving right and wrong or is it an ability issue, a skill
00:05:08.600 | issue?
00:05:10.160 | Now both can be serious.
00:05:12.520 | If it's a moral issue, that would bring reproach on the gospel or the church.
00:05:17.720 | It needs to be dealt with and quickly.
00:05:21.120 | If the criticism is that you don't have the ability to do what the church is rightly expecting
00:05:28.480 | you to do, that too can be damaging to the church and needs to be reckoned with seriously.
00:05:35.120 | I'll get to that in just a minute.
00:05:38.560 | Sixth, is what is being criticized changeable by repentance or by refocusing or refueling
00:05:49.120 | or retraining or is it rooted in a fixed but non-sinful personality trait, a deeply rooted
00:06:01.280 | native ability or inability?
00:06:05.360 | Now I'm sure there are a lot more questions that we could ask that would be helpful, but
00:06:10.680 | it seems to me these ones are significant.
00:06:14.680 | And I hinted in the questions themselves at the kinds of responses that you could give
00:06:22.360 | to the questions, but let me turn to more general responses to these kinds of questions.
00:06:29.800 | First, if the criticisms are simply not true as confirmed by your own conscience and by
00:06:37.520 | the wisest counselors around you, then seek reconciliation with the one who's criticizing
00:06:43.520 | you.
00:06:44.520 | It goes like this in 1 Corinthians 4.12, "When reviled, we bless.
00:06:49.280 | When persecuted, we endure.
00:06:52.240 | When slandered, we entreat."
00:06:54.840 | Now sometimes that entreaty produces reconciliation and sometimes it doesn't, which is why Paul
00:07:05.800 | said in Romans 12.18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with
00:07:14.720 | all."
00:07:15.720 | Second, if the criticism is true but not serious, then admit it, develop strategies to improve
00:07:25.800 | and change.
00:07:27.640 | You want to do your best to put no stumbling blocks in the way of the gospel, not even
00:07:35.000 | innocent stumbling blocks.
00:07:38.080 | Third, if the criticism is true and serious, whether moral or regarding abilities, the
00:07:47.040 | issue should be addressed with the help of other trusted church leaders.
00:07:53.920 | Repentance or even possibly dismissal might follow a moral failing.
00:08:01.440 | Or if it's something less public, less egregious, then repentance and forgiveness may enable
00:08:08.040 | the pastor to keep going.
00:08:10.640 | But what if the serious criticism regards the pastor's abilities and fitness for his
00:08:19.480 | calling or his particular ministry?
00:08:23.800 | One of the things that makes this so difficult is that we are almost always dealing with
00:08:31.280 | a matter of degrees here in fitness and abilities, not something as black or white or crystal
00:08:37.200 | clear.
00:08:38.200 | It's very difficult to quantify the gifts of leadership required for a church as it
00:08:48.400 | moves from one season to the next.
00:08:50.920 | It's very difficult to define whether a man's ability to communicate what the Scripture
00:08:55.920 | says is more helpful than unhelpful.
00:09:00.720 | Some people get great help, others don't get help.
00:09:03.480 | It's extremely difficult.
00:09:05.840 | There's so many factors that go into making a man a fruitful shepherd of God's people.
00:09:12.480 | So these decisions are never simple or easy.
00:09:15.700 | So I would simply say, seek trusted counsel from spiritually wise people who know you
00:09:24.000 | well.
00:09:25.200 | Take serious stock of yourself and assess your gifts and your abilities, especially
00:09:32.280 | with the help of other spiritually wise people.
00:09:36.240 | Pray for a fresh vision for your life, either in this place and this ministry or something
00:09:44.960 | reconfigured here or something beyond where you are now.
00:09:51.580 | Never lose heart.
00:09:54.500 | Never forget that you were created and shaped the way you are by a wise and loving Father
00:10:04.000 | who does not intend for you to waste your life.
00:10:07.920 | Even if it should prove that you're a square peg in a round hole, that does not mean that
00:10:14.800 | God made a mistake in making you a square peg.
00:10:20.280 | Our time is almost gone and I haven't even gotten to the other question, namely, how
00:10:24.920 | do you continue to fight for joy in the midst of such criticisms while you're processing
00:10:30.160 | all this, doing all this triage?
00:10:32.560 | So let me just give quick bullet points from my experience and from the Word of how do
00:10:38.840 | you keep on fighting for joy in that kind of process.
00:10:42.760 | Number one, confirm that the bottom of your joy is not ministry, but that your names are
00:10:49.200 | written in heaven.
00:10:50.880 | That's Luke 10.
00:10:53.080 | Number two, reset the love of Christ as the deeply precious, satisfying treasure of your
00:11:01.280 | life.
00:11:02.280 | As Paul said in Galatians 2.20, "He loved me.
00:11:05.880 | He loved me and gave himself for me."
00:11:09.400 | Number three, preach the promises of God to yourself.
00:11:12.960 | They are all yes in Christ Jesus, 2 Corinthians 2.20.
00:11:18.600 | I'll never leave you.
00:11:19.680 | I'll never forsake you.
00:11:21.680 | Preach that to yourself every day.
00:11:24.140 | Number four, pray for sustaining grace every day.
00:11:28.080 | Plead the promises of God's faithfulness, 1 Thessalonians 5.24, "He will do it."
00:11:35.920 | That is, he'll sustain you to the end.
00:11:38.440 | Number five, reach for rich old books of consolation.
00:11:44.600 | Richard Sibbes, The Bruise Read, Jeremiah Burroughs, The Secret of Contentment, John
00:11:50.120 | Owen, The Glories of Christ.
00:11:52.960 | Number six, receive regular exhortation from faithful brothers, Hebrews 3.13.
00:11:59.520 | Oh, how we need encouragement from those who know our needs.
00:12:05.240 | Seven, get the physical rest and exercise in natural beauty, in nature that you need.
00:12:13.160 | And then eight, finally, memorize Psalm 25.
00:12:19.320 | That's just about the best passage on guidance in the Bible.
00:12:24.360 | "The Lord instructs sinners in the way.
00:12:27.600 | He leads the humble in what is right and teaches the humble his way."
00:12:33.680 | So brother, he will guide you, whether you stay, whether you go.
00:12:39.280 | He loves you.
00:12:40.280 | He's your father.
00:12:41.840 | He made you the way you are.
00:12:43.760 | He will give you the guidance you need.
00:12:46.360 | So good.
00:12:47.360 | Thank you, Pastor John.
00:12:48.360 | And speaking of indecisions in life, your little mention of Psalm 25 in this episode
00:12:52.680 | reminds me of APJ 973, which is titled, "I'm Paralyzed by Indecision.
00:12:57.960 | What Should I Do?"
00:12:58.960 | That's APJ 973, "I'm Following God's Will."
00:13:02.720 | And it's a great little episode on Psalm 25, one of those amazing texts on following God's
00:13:08.720 | will.
00:13:09.720 | It's worth a listen if you find yourself in a decision dilemma, APJ 973.
00:13:12.720 | Thank you for joining us today.
00:13:15.680 | Ask a question of your own.
00:13:16.760 | Find APJ 973 or subscribe to the podcast all at AskPastorJohn.com.
00:13:23.760 | Well we fight for spiritual delight by planning, and so we plan our 2023.
00:13:28.640 | And we're going to talk about daily disciplines and planning next time.
00:13:32.000 | I'm your host Tony Reinke.
00:13:33.000 | We'll see you back here on Wednesday.
00:13:35.000 | Thanks for listening.
00:13:36.280 | [Music]
00:13:37.280 | [End of Audio]
00:13:38.280 | Page 1 of 10
00:13:38.280 | Page 2 of 10
00:13:39.280 | Page 3 of 10
00:13:39.280 | Page 4 of 10
00:13:40.280 | Page 5 of 10
00:13:40.280 | Page 6 of 10