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Bogleheads® Chapter Series –Jill Steinberg- Finding Purpose in Retirement: From retiring to rewiring


Whisper Transcript | Transcript Only Page

00:00:00.000 | Welcome to the Bogleheads Chapter Series.
00:00:05.840 | This episode was jointly hosted by the Pre and Early Retirement and Retired Life Stages
00:00:10.400 | Chapters and recorded January 10th, 2024.
00:00:14.680 | It features Jill Steinberg, PhD, presenting the topic, Finding Purpose in Retirement from
00:00:20.440 | Retiring to Rewiring.
00:00:23.120 | Bogleheads are investors who follow John Bogle's philosophy for attaining financial independence.
00:00:27.760 | This recording is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as personalized
00:00:31.640 | investment advice.
00:00:33.120 | So, Jill, why don't you tell us what you've been up to before you start your presentation?
00:00:39.760 | Okay.
00:00:40.760 | So, it's kind of a funny question.
00:00:44.440 | What have I been up to?
00:00:45.440 | At my age, there's the sad loss list and there's the everything else list.
00:00:51.440 | So I think in the interest of my mood and this presentation, I'll go to the everything
00:00:56.200 | else list.
00:00:57.200 | So I'll tell you a few things.
00:00:58.520 | I can't exactly remember when I did the last Bogleheads.
00:01:02.640 | So did you know that my research got published as a chapter in a book?
00:01:09.320 | Was that completed yet?
00:01:11.240 | Congratulations.
00:01:12.240 | Thanks.
00:01:13.240 | Yeah, I feel really good about it because I was working with the University of Michigan,
00:01:18.120 | the Ross Business School, and the faculty there, two of them put out this book and Rutledge
00:01:24.800 | published it.
00:01:25.800 | And I'm the only chapter, it's called The Aging Consumer Perspectives from Psychology
00:01:30.640 | and Economics.
00:01:31.640 | I'm the only chapter that doesn't deal with finances.
00:01:34.800 | You know, it's geared for business schools and minds, quality of life.
00:01:38.560 | So that felt, that feels really good.
00:01:41.520 | And then I'm working with Boston University, I was working on and off with their Alumni
00:01:46.160 | Association the last 10 years.
00:01:50.080 | And we started a new initiative to engage their alumni that are my age and my stage
00:01:57.720 | of life.
00:01:58.720 | So you know how alumni associations you should go with early retire, mid career?
00:02:03.280 | Well, we're vital, we're alive, we're alumni, we're the ones with time, we want purpose.
00:02:09.720 | So we started a whole initiative to engage people our age and stage.
00:02:14.360 | And the first project I'm doing after there was a presentation I gave, is I'm starting
00:02:19.260 | a mentoring program of retirees to retirees.
00:02:23.280 | So that's really exciting for me.
00:02:25.920 | And then I'll tell you something totally different than I didn't even know existed or could exist
00:02:30.640 | in my life.
00:02:32.060 | So I have a dog, and I couldn't get a dog I felt till I retired.
00:02:36.920 | And I have this really loving dog.
00:02:39.400 | And he just gives so much love that I got him to be a pet assisted therapist dog.
00:02:46.400 | So we go into institutions, and he gives love for how people need it, including he helps
00:02:52.900 | kids that are afraid to read out loud, they'll read to him.
00:02:56.780 | So it's just as an example, something I didn't even know existed.
00:03:01.640 | And I didn't start it to the last year.
00:03:03.740 | So at 72.
00:03:05.180 | So it's it's pretty cool what you can do in retirement.
00:03:08.500 | Is that a good enough beginning for yeah, and again, congrats on the chapter being published.
00:03:14.740 | Thank you.
00:03:15.740 | Thanks.
00:03:16.740 | So yeah, that's plenty of talking because you're in for a lot of talking.
00:03:21.760 | I've got a presentation tonight, I'll take about 3537 minutes, and then I have time for
00:03:28.400 | questions.
00:03:30.180 | And I'll just start by saying I'm an emeritus professor and clinical psychologist, I'm 73.
00:03:37.240 | And I retired 16 years ago.
00:03:40.940 | Since retiring, my research publications, teaching and consulting had primarily dealt
00:03:47.580 | with successful retirement.
00:03:49.180 | Okay, so I already messed up, I was going to go to the next slide.
00:03:54.020 | And Jim, it's not going.
00:03:57.060 | Maybe I have to click again.
00:03:58.580 | Ah, okay.
00:03:59.580 | There we go.
00:04:00.580 | So bear with me audience, Jim, and I just worked out something for me to be in charge
00:04:06.380 | of my own slides.
00:04:07.740 | And it's pretty temperamental.
00:04:10.100 | So I might have to give the control back to Jim, we'll see how it goes.
00:04:14.540 | Anyway, I think I told you that my research and consulting is dealt with successful retirement.
00:04:21.120 | And so those who plan for retirement, plan for their financial situation, and they tend
00:04:28.500 | to think about their life, kind of like a long weekend, like a garden, yay, I'll have
00:04:35.940 | time to read, visit people, maybe bike ride, travel.
00:04:41.380 | And the research finds that retirement can start with a great honeymoon phase.
00:04:46.100 | People are really glad to have time, but then typically retirement proceeds with a steep
00:04:52.160 | decline in happiness, as people wake up to, okay, I did that, I did that, now what?
00:04:58.900 | And they find something is really missing.
00:05:02.580 | And then that retirement usually stabilizes with as much happiness as people had while
00:05:08.500 | they were working.
00:05:10.640 | Depending on the survey, so let's see, yeah, it's not going, oh, there we go, okay.
00:05:18.380 | Depending on the survey, at best 75% of people who are privileged enough to retire even enjoy
00:05:26.580 | it.
00:05:27.580 | Up to 25% have difficulty adjusting, 10% are not at all satisfied, and retirement satisfaction
00:05:36.740 | tends to decrease as people age, hold on.
00:05:43.660 | And this is true regardless of the age the person retires.
00:05:47.780 | Having purpose, this is tricky, it's not doing its thing, Jim, okay.
00:05:55.620 | Having purpose is a major component in terms of successful retirement, and actually a significant
00:06:01.940 | component throughout life at any stage of life.
00:06:06.100 | And while developing the purpose in life is an ongoing process, the studies show that
00:06:12.060 | purpose in life tends to drop with older age.
00:06:16.440 | So what I'm going to do tonight is give you, let's see, there's that one, okay, a multifaceted
00:06:24.700 | evidence-based presentation.
00:06:28.580 | The first part is why purpose, what's so important about purpose, and then the bulk of it will
00:06:34.580 | be how do you find purpose.
00:06:36.700 | So I'd like you in your heads to be thinking about your life, how do you view your life?
00:06:43.260 | Does your life feel meaningful with close relationships, purpose, and physical activities,
00:06:50.120 | or are you feeling a bit adrift?
00:06:53.340 | Do you perceive yourself as stuck, or do you proactively think about, reflect on what you'd
00:06:57.980 | like to do to make things better, and even know what you find purposeful and care about?
00:07:05.020 | Okay, why find purpose?
00:07:09.860 | There's an abundance of research on the importance of having a purpose for physical and mental
00:07:15.980 | health and well-being across the lifespan.
00:07:18.700 | However, the research suggests the reward of retiring may be the punishment of not mattering,
00:07:26.060 | and purpose is powerful.
00:07:28.660 | People who have a higher sense of purpose, which is defined as the extent to which they
00:07:35.180 | feel like they have, hmm, okay, there we go, meaningful goals and directions, okay, anyway,
00:07:45.980 | people that have purpose, that feel like they have meaningful goals and direction, tend
00:07:50.620 | to live longer, healthier, and happier lives.
00:07:54.460 | If you look at the long-term studies, longitudinal, where they use large samples of the same people
00:08:00.420 | over and over, they find that older people with a higher sense of purpose, for example,
00:08:07.100 | less at risk for neurocognitive impairment, such as Alzheimer's disease, cardiovascular
00:08:13.900 | disease, and stroke.
00:08:16.220 | Lack of purpose contributes at least as much to disease and death as do lifestyle factors
00:08:22.020 | such as tobacco use, poor diet, inactivity, and stress.
00:08:27.320 | In the last hundred years, our longevity has increased about 30 years.
00:08:33.660 | That's even with the recent dip during COVID, but our society's institutions, like our families,
00:08:39.900 | our educational systems, our health places, our workplace, housing, even our neighborhoods
00:08:45.620 | haven't been updated to serve the needs of our aging population, which can impede our
00:08:51.660 | ability to find purpose.
00:08:55.160 | So I'll give you an example with employment.
00:08:59.100 | Employment can give you an avenue for social connection and identity, and when people retire,
00:09:06.260 | it changes the structure such that it can lead to many losses, your sense of identity,
00:09:12.500 | your roles, your social connections, your purpose, your daily structure, and the research
00:09:18.820 | says there is a negative correlation between retirement and purpose in life, but your sense
00:09:25.180 | of purpose is malleable later in life, and that's why you're here.
00:09:29.220 | We're not doing the decline, so hopefully you learn stuff and leave tonight with things
00:09:34.780 | you're going to do right away.
00:09:36.760 | So even though there's an abundance of research on the importance of purpose, there's an abundance
00:09:42.300 | of it, there's not so much research on how to find purpose, which is why I put this presentation
00:09:49.740 | together for you.
00:09:50.940 | I'm going to tell you what exists in the literature of how to find purpose.
00:09:57.100 | So let's see.
00:10:02.740 | Now it stopped again.
00:10:04.780 | Let's see.
00:10:06.020 | Okay.
00:10:07.020 | What is purpose in life?
00:10:08.020 | Sorry, audience.
00:10:09.020 | It's definitely quirky, and it throws me off from my presentation, so thanks for bearing
00:10:14.980 | with me.
00:10:15.980 | So what is purpose?
00:10:17.980 | Purpose in life includes three characteristics.
00:10:22.020 | Having a stable desirable goal, achieving something meaningful beyond yourself, and
00:10:30.940 | making progress towards accomplishing the goal.
00:10:36.720 | Purpose in life can determine your goals and therefore influence decisions you make during
00:10:42.780 | the day.
00:10:43.780 | It's efficiency in action for your mind and your behaviors.
00:10:49.200 | To give you an idea of how research assess purpose, here's some items from a widely used
00:10:55.620 | scale.
00:10:56.620 | So I have a sense of direction and purpose in my life.
00:11:01.420 | My daily activities often seem trivial and unimportant to me.
00:11:06.740 | I enjoy making plans for the future and working to make them a reality.
00:11:11.820 | Okay, so let's go to how do you find purpose.
00:11:15.380 | Let me check in with the people that can respond to me.
00:11:19.280 | Can you hear me okay, and is my pace okay?
00:11:24.500 | Both are perfect.
00:11:25.500 | Okay, good.
00:11:26.500 | I'm still, I'm an East Coast transplant, and I go East Coast speed.
00:11:29.900 | Okay, how do you find purpose?
00:11:32.340 | So this might be the first time you really have had the opportunity, the time and the
00:11:37.060 | resources to figure out and do what you want, what has meaning for you.
00:11:42.340 | It's actually a paradoxical situation.
00:11:45.060 | For years, people yearn for more autonomy and time to shape their lives.
00:11:51.020 | And after retirement with plenty of time, individuals can feel lost, adrift, they experienced
00:11:57.600 | choice overload, and they have demands from their family and others that they never anticipated.
00:12:05.320 | But I assume you go ahead are already have a good framework for how to approach finding
00:12:11.100 | purpose, because you've been thinking about planning and implementing ways to save for
00:12:15.980 | your retirement.
00:12:17.420 | And you proactively chose to come to this presentation.
00:12:20.580 | So in terms of purpose, one way to start finding your purposes by thinking about what have
00:12:27.620 | you been successful at accomplishing?
00:12:31.340 | Perhaps it's your financial planning or your career, your relationships, maybe it's how
00:12:38.020 | you do your physical activities, or maybe it's you've been able to continue learning.
00:12:43.420 | Consider what you feel successful at, and what has worked for you in that process, and
00:12:49.500 | what hasn't worked for you.
00:12:51.480 | So the essence of the purpose literature is finding out and see if I can get there.
00:12:58.260 | This is probably the best slide I can get to it.
00:13:02.500 | Okay, nope, we lost it.
00:13:07.220 | Here it is.
00:13:09.300 | The essence of the literature is how to apply your best self to things that matter most
00:13:14.900 | to you, things that you deeply value, that are bigger than yourself.
00:13:20.100 | If you want one takeaway from the whole lecture, if you're going to take a picture of a slide,
00:13:24.740 | this is your slide, you're going to it's, it's easier said than done, you're going to
00:13:29.260 | apply your best self to things that matter most to you that you really value that are
00:13:35.420 | bigger than yourself.
00:13:38.440 | It's a process, it involves how you find purpose, therefore, you start with a purpose, not the
00:13:46.020 | purpose.
00:13:47.020 | So maybe tonight you'll leave and you think you know what, from what she said, people
00:13:52.100 | in my life really matter.
00:13:54.220 | And you'll start devoting more of your time and energy, bringing your best self to people
00:13:59.660 | in your life.
00:14:00.900 | Or maybe you'll say, you know what, social justice really matters, I've been working
00:14:04.820 | so hard, I've never had the time, I didn't make the time to focus on social justice,
00:14:10.940 | maybe you'll leave tonight and bring your best self to help the LGBTQ community.
00:14:17.140 | The research gives multiple routes to find purpose.
00:14:22.340 | And you might find the direct route, what I'm going to go over tonight with you life
00:14:26.700 | crafting as the one that's best for you to find your purpose.
00:14:31.460 | Or perhaps you want to work on other parts of your life such that are known to increase
00:14:36.100 | purpose such as your social connections, or maybe you'll do a combination.
00:14:41.740 | Taking charge of retirement starts with three, I would say really big challenges.
00:14:47.700 | And the first one is you have to reshape your life because it's been governed so long by
00:14:53.100 | organizational requirements and external structures, you know, your daily routines, when are you
00:14:58.980 | going to go to work?
00:14:59.980 | When do you get to come home?
00:15:02.180 | What's work time, non work time, who are you going to connect with?
00:15:05.980 | And this doesn't just affect you, it affects the others in their life, all of a sudden
00:15:11.660 | you're free range person.
00:15:14.700 | And people can expect a lot of you, especially if you're women, it's domestic or children,
00:15:19.580 | stuff like that.
00:15:21.060 | The second one, so organizational requirements, you leave behind a goal context.
00:15:28.300 | And at this stage, you have a more limited future time perspective.
00:15:33.620 | The research suggests three main pathways that can lead to purpose in life.
00:15:39.020 | So the first pathway is called proactive, because you the person seeks out various opportunities
00:15:47.900 | to learn about your purpose, as you're doing here tonight.
00:15:51.980 | And life crafting that I'm going to teach you is in this first proactive category.
00:15:58.220 | The second one is social learning.
00:16:00.820 | You know, you've heard of mentoring programs are why I'm going to start BU so you can learn
00:16:05.140 | from other people as you do in your bogal head community.
00:16:09.700 | And the third one is reactive development.
00:16:12.780 | And all that means is, you can develop a sense of purpose, following a natural occurrence
00:16:19.220 | of event, where you noticed you were feeling purpose.
00:16:22.820 | So all you have to do is pay attention and reflect, but get this.
00:16:28.060 | The research finds that individuals who report high levels of trying to explore and find
00:16:33.500 | their purpose in life tend to report greater negative affect and anxiety, needless to say,
00:16:40.660 | it's not my goal to make you feel anxious.
00:16:43.940 | So that's why we're going to focus on concrete, specific ways of how you can find your purpose.
00:16:50.740 | So you can leave tonight with a concrete what next.
00:16:54.900 | Now what I'm going to do, I'm going to give you the framework, the foundation, all the
00:16:58.980 | tools that currently exist in the literature of how to find your purpose, but you have
00:17:04.740 | to go home and do the homework.
00:17:07.660 | If I was doing a class, I'd probably make it a full semester class.
00:17:12.120 | I would give you weekly homework so I could gradually introduce the concepts and build
00:17:18.060 | on them.
00:17:19.060 | You'd have an individualized homework, you'd come back in a week, and you'd have a group
00:17:24.500 | of other peers that you could talk to, to figure out what's working, what's not working,
00:17:31.300 | what changes do I need, because when you're accountable to others, you're more likely
00:17:37.100 | to do it.
00:17:38.100 | We're not doing a class, so this might be a bit daunting.
00:17:42.220 | However, you can re-watch this video, you can talk to others, other Bogleheads about
00:17:48.220 | a specific section, or bring me back for a specific section, but you're going to get
00:17:54.300 | tonight Finding Purpose 101 that covers a whole semester.
00:17:59.460 | Okay?
00:18:00.460 | So I'm going to start with some skills.
00:18:03.060 | Now the skills, the six skills I'm going to start with, are evidence-based, but not specifically
00:18:09.620 | for purpose.
00:18:10.620 | I tell you them because I've been doing clinical work, research, teaching, about finding success
00:18:18.500 | for over 30 years, and these are the skills that people have needed, and when you do life
00:18:23.540 | crafting, that you'll need.
00:18:26.080 | So first of all, you've got to be proactive.
00:18:30.020 | You see something you don't like, you try and fix it, hold on.
00:18:37.500 | You're proactive about looking for opportunities to be engaged in and contribute to society.
00:18:44.060 | Proactive.
00:18:45.060 | The next skill is being assertive.
00:18:48.180 | You go for what you want, what's important to you.
00:18:52.260 | Now remember, I'm telling you they're skills, that means that you can learn them, you can
00:18:58.620 | improve them, you can find out from others, from books, from classes.
00:19:03.820 | How do I learn to be proactive?
00:19:06.180 | How do I learn to be assertive?
00:19:08.100 | How do I learn to be analytic and reflective?
00:19:11.340 | How do I think about my life and my experiences to figure out what's working, what's not working?
00:19:17.580 | What do I want to change?
00:19:19.100 | Okay, the next skill is called grit.
00:19:22.660 | Grit is an extreme trait of self-discipline and perseverance.
00:19:28.700 | Grit out predicts IQ for academic success and controlling for education.
00:19:37.100 | Older people have more grit than younger people.
00:19:40.700 | Those over 65 have more than any other age group, and I tell you this because we have
00:19:49.240 | grit to change.
00:19:50.780 | You might think, "Yeah, my memory is not as great.
00:19:53.540 | My energy is not as great."
00:19:56.020 | That's probably true for this my age.
00:20:00.020 | However, we have the grit.
00:20:02.380 | If you want to learn computer skills or the piano or how to play pickleball or new social
00:20:09.260 | skills, we have the grit to do it and the research to prove it.
00:20:13.900 | Okay, so let's go to life crafting.
00:20:16.860 | I'm going to tell you what it is and how you do it.
00:20:21.700 | Life crafting is a process of conscious efforts that you, the individual, make to create meaning
00:20:30.300 | in your life.
00:20:32.140 | The three areas are cognitive crafting.
00:20:37.460 | You're going to start thinking about your life and how you can view it with more meaning.
00:20:43.900 | You're going to look at your social support systems and use them more to manage your life
00:20:50.300 | challenges and to enhance your life.
00:20:54.020 | You're going to seek challenges in terms of facilitating purpose growth, personal growth.
00:21:03.340 | When individuals feel that their lives are connected with something larger than themselves
00:21:09.340 | and you're going to hear me keep repeating that, it's larger than yourself, so it's not
00:21:14.860 | just you learning computer skills.
00:21:19.140 | Purpose involves contributing to others something larger than yourself that has meaning.
00:21:26.100 | When individuals feel that their lives are connected with something larger than themselves
00:21:31.740 | and they're making a significant contribution to society, they tend to appraise their lives
00:21:37.260 | as full of purpose and meaning.
00:21:41.100 | This model of life crafting is the other really good slide I'm presenting, so it gives you
00:21:58.020 | the overview and the concepts and individual items that illustrate it.
00:22:02.940 | If you're going to take a picture, this is your other slide to remember or come back
00:22:07.140 | into the presentation.
00:22:09.740 | We start with cognitive crafting, and that's a person making the effort to redefine or
00:22:16.060 | reframe their life in such a way that it provides meaning.
00:22:22.580 | The two cognitive crafting strategies are positive thinking.
00:22:27.940 | What I mean by that is you're going through something difficult, and you're looking for
00:22:33.980 | how can I get through this the best way I can?
00:22:37.740 | How can I contribute to the other people in my life that are going through this hell?
00:22:41.660 | How can I help them?
00:22:43.700 | That's being positive, but not Pollyannish.
00:22:47.900 | It's thinking we've got to get through this the best we can.
00:22:52.780 | How can I make it better?
00:22:55.820 | It's transcending your personal goals and thinking about how your life contributes to
00:23:01.060 | society.
00:23:02.060 | I tell you, I'm very much not a Pollyannish person.
00:23:07.420 | If you find I'm looking, "Jill, I can't think of anything positive in my life or how I'm
00:23:13.420 | contributing to others," I ask my partner, I ask my friends, "I don't even remember.
00:23:19.780 | I'm not doing it."
00:23:20.780 | Okay, if that's really true, then it's probably time you look at your life and see, can I
00:23:26.380 | make changes so I can have a more positive life?
00:23:34.540 | The next category is, oops, there's cognitive crafting.
00:23:38.780 | The next one's relational crafting.
00:23:42.260 | That's seeking social support to further your purpose in life, or your goals, or enhance
00:23:49.420 | it.
00:23:50.420 | Relationships, if they're mutually beneficial, are the ones that have the most meaning.
00:23:57.420 | In fact, good relationships with others may be the single most important source of life
00:24:03.820 | satisfaction and emotional well-being.
00:24:05.900 | There it is.
00:24:06.900 | Oops.
00:24:07.900 | That's the answer.
00:24:08.900 | Uh-oh, somebody's talking.
00:24:09.900 | Good relationships with other people.
00:24:10.900 | Kim?
00:24:11.900 | Kim, you're not muted.
00:24:12.900 | Do you want the question?
00:24:13.900 | It's when you're in retirement.
00:24:14.900 | Single most.
00:24:15.900 | Can someone help Kim be muted?
00:24:17.500 | Don't tell me any of that, but that's what they...
00:24:22.500 | Dory, can you help me?
00:24:24.580 | Yeah, I'm looking for...
00:24:26.460 | Okay, there we go.
00:24:28.540 | Kim is now muted.
00:24:30.420 | I'm muted, Emily.
00:24:31.940 | Thank you.
00:24:32.940 | Was that Miriam?
00:24:33.940 | Yes.
00:24:34.940 | Whoever did it, thank you very much.
00:24:35.940 | Okay.
00:24:36.940 | Kim might not appreciate it, but I do.
00:24:39.020 | Thanks.
00:24:40.020 | Okay.
00:24:41.260 | So I think I was on relationship crafting.
00:24:44.260 | Let's see.
00:24:45.260 | Oops, not challenge.
00:24:46.260 | We were on relationship crafting.
00:24:47.260 | Something happened here.
00:24:48.260 | I'll try and go back.
00:24:49.260 | Okay.
00:24:50.260 | Yes, we're there.
00:24:51.260 | Okay.
00:24:52.260 | What I was trying to say was good relationships with others may be the single most important
00:24:53.260 | source of life satisfaction and emotional well-being and emotional well-being.
00:24:54.260 | And I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:24:55.260 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:24:56.260 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:24:57.260 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:24:58.260 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:24:59.260 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:00.260 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:01.260 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:02.260 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:03.260 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:33.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:34.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:35.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:36.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:37.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:38.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:39.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:40.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:41.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:42.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:43.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:44.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:45.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:46.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:47.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:48.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:25:49.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:13.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:19.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:20.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:21.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:22.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:23.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:24.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:25.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:26.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:27.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:28.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:29.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:30.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:31.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:32.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:33.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:34.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:26:58.220 | I'm not sure if that's the right word.
00:27:07.220 | By retirement,
00:27:13.220 | males typically don't have the social skills or structure necessary to have
00:27:16.220 | close friends.
00:27:17.220 | So I know I'm making a broad generalization.
00:27:19.220 | And it's in the literature.
00:27:20.220 | It supports.
00:27:21.220 | Unfortunately that that's true.
00:27:22.220 | Males have not figured out.
00:27:25.220 | How to have close relationships and by this age,
00:27:28.220 | don't even have this structure.
00:27:30.220 | And if they're in a heterosexual relationship,
00:27:32.220 | they tend to rely on their partner.
00:27:35.220 | And research that can be problematic.
00:27:40.220 | So the three relational crafting strategies.
00:27:44.220 | Are creating new relationships.
00:27:46.220 | Improving your current ones.
00:27:49.220 | And you using.
00:27:53.220 | The social resource.
00:27:58.220 | Your social resources better. I see.
00:28:03.220 | I'm not on this one and I don't think I touched anything.
00:28:05.220 | So we're still on relation.
00:28:06.220 | Look, see, it's going goofy on me.
00:28:07.220 | Oh dear.
00:28:08.220 | We're still on relational.
00:28:10.220 | Crafting.
00:28:17.220 | So actually, you know,
00:28:18.220 | when I was doing a class for Boston university on successful retirement,
00:28:21.220 | I had a group of people.
00:28:28.220 | And they wanted to see the problems that were arising as they
00:28:32.220 | consider retirement. And that was a group.
00:28:34.220 | Of only one person who've retired. Everyone was still employed.
00:28:37.220 | And it went even to age 20. And they were saying, please, we,
00:28:40.220 | we want a whole section on it.
00:28:41.220 | Social support is so important. Maybe you've seen this new trend.
00:28:44.220 | They're called happy to chat benches.
00:28:47.220 | It started in the UK and it's moving to other countries.
00:28:50.220 | And it's a.
00:28:51.220 | It's a new trend.
00:28:58.220 | Benches. This is funny. They're now lines on my screen.
00:29:01.220 | I don't know what's happening here.
00:29:02.220 | And they're marked.
00:29:08.220 | To get people to engage with one another,
00:29:11.220 | whether it's a light chit chat or something deeper.
00:29:14.220 | Anything to help reduce the sense of isolation and loneliness.
00:29:17.220 | Okay. So now we really are going to go on to.
00:29:19.220 | The next slide.
00:29:26.220 | How do people grow and develop themselves?
00:29:29.220 | And that's at the core of most meeting baking strategies.
00:29:32.220 | People want to personal growth.
00:29:34.220 | Achievement and accomplishment.
00:29:35.220 | Especially including at this age.
00:29:40.220 | We don't want to be the national resource that's left behind.
00:29:47.220 | We want to be the resource that's left behind.
00:29:50.220 | And we want to be the resource that's left behind.
00:29:52.220 | We want to be the resource that's left behind.
00:29:54.220 | So what I'm going to share with you now.
00:29:56.220 | Are the seven areas that get addressed and you'll see why.
00:30:00.220 | It would be so good if we were in a class.
00:30:06.220 | And we could thoroughly go over each one of these.
00:30:09.220 | However, you'll have the information and.
00:30:12.220 | Either contact each other or maybe me.
00:30:14.220 | And say, I mean, we'll help. How can we do this? Okay.
00:30:16.220 | Let's talk about values and passions.
00:30:18.220 | What do you like to do?
00:30:23.220 | What kind of relationships would you like to have?
00:30:25.220 | How do you want to engage your mind?
00:30:30.220 | Now, in terms of values and passions,
00:30:32.220 | if you look at the literature on transitions.
00:30:34.220 | When people go through big transitions.
00:30:36.220 | They find out they have.
00:30:40.220 | They find out they graduated from college.
00:30:47.220 | Or they had a child when people go through transitions.
00:30:50.220 | They tend to reevaluate and change.
00:30:52.220 | Their.
00:30:54.220 | Values sometimes anyway.
00:31:01.220 | The recent literature,
00:31:02.220 | the 2023 literature on retirement says we don't change our values.
00:31:05.220 | We might tweak them.
00:31:06.220 | But we don't change our values.
00:31:09.220 | So you can use them as a basis for figuring out.
00:31:12.220 | What purpose I want.
00:31:16.220 | So first thing are your values and passions.
00:31:20.220 | The second one are your competencies and habits.
00:31:23.220 | Think of qualities you like about yourself.
00:31:26.220 | And qualities you don't like about yourself.
00:31:30.220 | And if it's too hard to think about yourself, you can't get distance.
00:31:33.220 | Think about other people, you know,
00:31:35.220 | what is it about them that you like?
00:31:37.220 | What is it about them?
00:31:46.220 | You don't admire to start thinking about these individual behaviors
00:31:50.220 | and habits or competencies you want.
00:31:52.220 | Think about your social life. It's back to social life.
00:31:55.220 | My, a lot of you might leave thinking.
00:31:57.220 | I never even thought that was important.
00:31:59.220 | We never learned about that in school.
00:32:01.220 | Okay.
00:32:02.220 | And then the last one is your purpose.
00:32:05.220 | Meaning health.
00:32:06.220 | Well-being and your purpose.
00:32:09.220 | So think about when you're at your best self.
00:32:17.220 | What kind of friend or family member would you like to be?
00:32:20.220 | And again, if you can't think about yourself or that's not your skill.
00:32:23.220 | Think about someone in your life.
00:32:24.220 | And it could be someone at a distance that you.
00:32:26.220 | You once knew through work.
00:32:28.220 | Or it could be a family member. It could be a kid.
00:32:31.220 | It could be a friend.
00:32:32.220 | It could be a family member.
00:32:34.220 | It could be a friend.
00:32:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:32:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:33:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:34:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:35:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:36:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:37:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:38:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:39:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:40:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:41:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:42:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:43:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:07.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:09.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:11.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:13.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:15.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:17.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:19.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:21.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:23.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:25.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:27.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:29.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:31.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:33.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:35.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:37.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:39.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:41.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:43.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:45.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:47.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:49.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:51.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:53.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:55.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:57.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:44:59.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:45:01.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:45:03.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:45:05.220 | It could be a person that you want to be around.
00:45:07.220 | It's learning a new skill.
00:45:09.220 | It could be around other people,
00:45:11.220 | things that you value,
00:45:13.220 | and doing something
00:45:15.220 | bigger than just yourself.
00:45:17.220 | So when you figure out
00:45:19.220 | what you want to do,
00:45:21.220 | what you want to implement,
00:45:23.220 | it's important to set goals.
00:45:25.220 | You do better
00:45:27.220 | if you set goals
00:45:29.220 | rather than just say, "I'm going to do my best."
00:45:31.220 | You have a better outcome
00:45:33.220 | by setting goals.
00:45:35.220 | I'll tell you the acronym for setting goals
00:45:37.220 | are SMART goals.
00:45:39.220 | You want your goals
00:45:41.220 | to be specific,
00:45:43.220 | measurable,
00:45:45.220 | attainable,
00:45:47.220 | realistic,
00:45:49.220 | and timely.
00:45:51.220 | I'm going to give you an example of Arthur.
00:45:53.220 | Arthur retired from Google
00:45:55.220 | when he was 47.
00:45:57.220 | He did not grow up wealthy.
00:45:59.220 | He was fortunate enough to keep working
00:46:01.220 | with startups. He's an engineer.
00:46:03.220 | He ends up at Google
00:46:05.220 | in the first handful of people.
00:46:07.220 | Thanks to Arthur,
00:46:09.220 | he's largely
00:46:11.220 | responsible for
00:46:13.220 | us having text messaging,
00:46:15.220 | one of the important people.
00:46:17.220 | Because of that, he was able
00:46:19.220 | to retire. People had
00:46:21.220 | always told him, "If you have the
00:46:23.220 | chance to be with their children when
00:46:25.220 | they're young, take that chance."
00:46:27.220 | He and his wife, also
00:46:29.220 | a professional, took that chance
00:46:31.220 | to be with their young child.
00:46:33.220 | What he was telling me,
00:46:35.220 | he was concerned about retiring
00:46:37.220 | because he loved
00:46:39.220 | his work at Google, and
00:46:41.220 | he was afraid that he would lose his
00:46:43.220 | friendships, and especially
00:46:45.220 | friends who like talking computers.
00:46:47.220 | He's
00:46:49.220 | a very informed person,
00:46:51.220 | and he has good reason to worry. That's what
00:46:53.220 | people often say. What do they miss
00:46:55.220 | about their work? Their social
00:46:57.220 | connections.
00:46:59.220 | He cares deeply for his friendships.
00:47:01.220 | Google is very
00:47:03.220 | different from academia. In academia,
00:47:05.220 | I'm encouraged
00:47:07.220 | to work with my colleagues,
00:47:09.220 | to do research with them, to present
00:47:11.220 | with them, to teach with them.
00:47:13.220 | At Google, you're out,
00:47:15.220 | and you're out. They don't want you to know
00:47:17.220 | their secrets. Even when
00:47:19.220 | I was presenting to Google,
00:47:21.220 | and Arthur was significant in my
00:47:23.220 | research, they weren't going to let him
00:47:25.220 | come, but we found a workaround
00:47:27.220 | because
00:47:29.220 | I insisted.
00:47:31.220 | Anyway,
00:47:33.220 | they recorded it and
00:47:35.220 | blasted it to all their satellites
00:47:37.220 | as I presented, and then they wouldn't even put
00:47:39.220 | it on YouTube. They want others to,
00:47:41.220 | but they're very private
00:47:43.220 | about their information.
00:47:45.220 | Arthur being
00:47:47.220 | Arthur, he's a very planful
00:47:49.220 | person. He thought, "Okay,
00:47:51.220 | I'm going to put the conditions in
00:47:53.220 | place before I retire.
00:47:55.220 | I'm going to figure out what my goals are
00:47:57.220 | with friendship. What tasks
00:47:59.220 | do I need to do? What do I want
00:48:01.220 | a typical day to look like?"
00:48:03.220 | He implements before
00:48:05.220 | he retires. He was also
00:48:07.220 | talking to me. He did that for his friendships.
00:48:09.220 | He did it for his tech skills.
00:48:11.220 | I have
00:48:13.220 | spoken to him over the years with
00:48:15.220 | follow-up. Originally, when
00:48:17.220 | he was retiring, he thought, "I will
00:48:19.220 | probably go back to work in five years."
00:48:21.220 | Now, it's over 10 years ago.
00:48:23.220 | He has no desire to go back
00:48:25.220 | to work. He finds life
00:48:27.220 | meaningful. He can do
00:48:29.220 | projects that he actually can complete.
00:48:31.220 | Google sometimes at the last
00:48:33.220 | minute would take them away from you.
00:48:35.220 | He was happy to have
00:48:37.220 | that kind of control.
00:48:39.220 | He does
00:48:41.220 | computer projects that are
00:48:43.220 | meaningful for large
00:48:45.220 | numbers of people, not the same scale
00:48:47.220 | as Google, but still very
00:48:49.220 | meaningful. His friendships
00:48:51.220 | are better. He's made it a priority
00:48:53.220 | to keep up his close
00:48:55.220 | friendships, which he couldn't do as
00:48:57.220 | well when he worked, including his
00:48:59.220 | friends at Google and his friends
00:49:01.220 | from the East Coast at MIT.
00:49:03.220 | His friendships are better, and
00:49:05.220 | he loves volunteering with his
00:49:07.220 | wife in his child's school.
00:49:09.220 | He found ways
00:49:11.220 | to have meaning in
00:49:13.220 | retirement.
00:49:15.220 | When you're doing your goals, it's
00:49:17.220 | better to focus on learning
00:49:19.220 | about your performance.
00:49:21.220 | For example, if you leave here
00:49:23.220 | and you think, "Gee, I do
00:49:25.220 | need to work on making friends," it's
00:49:27.220 | better to think about learning
00:49:29.220 | about the process
00:49:31.220 | of making friends and saying,
00:49:33.220 | "I'm going to have three friends in the next
00:49:35.220 | month." Don't go for the numbers.
00:49:37.220 | Go for the process, the learning.
00:49:39.220 | Or perhaps you're saying,
00:49:41.220 | "It's time I do
00:49:43.220 | volunteer and contribute back."
00:49:45.220 | Don't say, "I'm going to have a position
00:49:47.220 | where you can start
00:49:49.220 | even tonight looking for
00:49:51.220 | what positions are available, how
00:49:53.220 | you can do it, or people you know
00:49:55.220 | that have been involved in volunteering.
00:49:57.220 | How did they do it?"
00:49:59.220 | I'll give you another example.
00:50:01.220 | Elliot Aronson, also a very eminent
00:50:03.220 | psychologist in
00:50:05.220 | the field. Maybe you've heard of the concept
00:50:07.220 | cognitive dissonance. That's
00:50:09.220 | Elliot. I interviewed him in his
00:50:11.220 | 80s, and he told
00:50:13.220 | me before he retired
00:50:15.220 | when he was teaching and doing research,
00:50:17.220 | he found out he was going blind,
00:50:19.220 | and he was very proactive. He learned to
00:50:21.220 | walk with a white cane. He got
00:50:23.220 | a seeing eye dog. He made his
00:50:25.220 | computer able to read to him
00:50:27.220 | so he could continue with his research,
00:50:29.220 | but he gave up his teaching
00:50:31.220 | because he couldn't see his students.
00:50:33.220 | Since we were
00:50:35.220 | doing this interview, we decided to teach
00:50:37.220 | together. I would be his eyes.
00:50:39.220 | From that experience,
00:50:41.220 | he remembered how much
00:50:43.220 | he liked teaching, and he found new
00:50:45.220 | skills. At age 80,
00:50:47.220 | Elliot went back to teaching, too.
00:50:49.220 | For those of you that have
00:50:53.220 | accomplished goals,
00:50:55.220 | you've probably noticed, you've had this
00:50:57.220 | experience of, in a way, it's easier
00:50:59.220 | to accomplish a goal than
00:51:01.220 | maintain the status quo. Just
00:51:03.220 | think about losing weight, how many people actually
00:51:05.220 | lose weight and gain back more,
00:51:07.220 | how many people start physical
00:51:09.220 | activity and quit. It's
00:51:11.220 | easier to set a goal,
00:51:13.220 | reach the goal, than it is to
00:51:15.220 | continue on the
00:51:17.220 | status quo. This I'm
00:51:19.220 | making up, but I think it's a
00:51:21.220 | good idea. It's
00:51:23.220 | not evidence-based. When you reach
00:51:25.220 | your goal, tweak your goal
00:51:27.220 | so you have something else to
00:51:29.220 | work towards, whether it's weight,
00:51:31.220 | whether it's physical activity, whether it's
00:51:33.220 | learning the computer, whether it's how much
00:51:35.220 | you're going to contribute on that
00:51:37.220 | volunteer position. You have a goal,
00:51:39.220 | tweak it when you get there
00:51:41.220 | so that you can keep
00:51:43.220 | your interest in the challenge.
00:51:45.220 | I'm going to give you an example of Leslie.
00:51:47.220 | Leslie
00:51:49.220 | retired in her 60s when I
00:51:51.220 | interviewed her. She's
00:51:53.220 | a very responsible person. She had a
00:51:55.220 | very high position in mental health,
00:51:57.220 | and she took a lower
00:51:59.220 | high position because she knew she was going to
00:52:01.220 | retire. She did all the things I'm
00:52:03.220 | telling you to plan for her
00:52:05.220 | retirement. She knew exactly what she
00:52:07.220 | and her husband were going to do, and boom,
00:52:09.220 | everything changes. Right before
00:52:11.220 | she retires, he dies
00:52:13.220 | and her dog dies. Leslie
00:52:15.220 | did not have close friendships.
00:52:17.220 | She felt close to her children
00:52:19.220 | and they lived far away.
00:52:21.220 | What Leslie did, instead
00:52:23.220 | of having long-term
00:52:25.220 | goals, she reordered her
00:52:27.220 | thinking and thought, "Okay, I've got
00:52:29.220 | to get through the day. I'm going to
00:52:31.220 | plan each day."
00:52:33.220 | She thought, "What's important to me? What
00:52:35.220 | elements do I want in my day?"
00:52:37.220 | She thought of five elements
00:52:39.220 | that every day she would want to
00:52:41.220 | figure out. Physical activity,
00:52:43.220 | social connection,
00:52:45.220 | meditation, creativity,
00:52:47.220 | and for her, that could just be cooking
00:52:49.220 | or music, and service to others.
00:52:51.220 | People from my
00:52:53.220 | presentations or classes have found
00:52:55.220 | her way of approaching
00:52:57.220 | each day can be very
00:52:59.220 | helpful for you, and then you can tweak
00:53:01.220 | what the elements you want.
00:53:03.220 | Approach goals are
00:53:05.220 | better than avoidance goals.
00:53:07.220 | What I mean is, don't think
00:53:09.220 | that, "Gee, I don't want to be bored.
00:53:11.220 | I don't want to be lonely." Think
00:53:13.220 | about, "Okay,
00:53:15.220 | I want to work on finding a volunteer
00:53:17.220 | position or making friends."
00:53:19.220 | Think of something you can approach
00:53:21.220 | that's a better goal
00:53:23.220 | and you'll be more successful than
00:53:25.220 | thinking what you want to avoid.
00:53:27.220 | When you're discovering
00:53:29.220 | your purpose, people tend to
00:53:31.220 | say, "Well, what do I like?"
00:53:33.220 | That can be useful,
00:53:35.220 | but asking yourself what's
00:53:37.220 | important to you is actually
00:53:39.220 | better at finding purpose
00:53:41.220 | and maintaining it. It's
00:53:43.220 | bigger than you and can help
00:53:45.220 | you when things aren't going well.
00:53:47.220 | You may not know what your
00:53:49.220 | interest or your passion is. Try
00:53:51.220 | something. People do well at
00:53:53.220 | something, it can become a passion.
00:53:55.220 | Maybe you had no interest in
00:53:57.220 | photography or writing stories
00:53:59.220 | or working with foster kids.
00:54:01.220 | Maybe you try something
00:54:03.220 | and you find, "Wow,
00:54:05.220 | I'm good at this. I like this.
00:54:07.220 | I want to do more of it. I want to help people."
00:54:09.220 | Just start
00:54:11.220 | trying things. Of course,
00:54:13.220 | the literature, you know this, that
00:54:15.220 | a lifestyle that involves physical
00:54:17.220 | activity,
00:54:19.220 | there's an abundance of
00:54:21.220 | literature that it's good for your physical
00:54:23.220 | and mental health. I would suggest
00:54:25.220 | that, you know how I tell you being
00:54:27.220 | accountable is good? Do your
00:54:29.220 | physical activity with
00:54:31.220 | others or for others.
00:54:33.220 | Then you're doing several things
00:54:35.220 | at the same time of those seven
00:54:37.220 | categories. You're going to involve
00:54:39.220 | others. Maybe you say, "Okay, I'm going to get
00:54:41.220 | physically active. I'm going to involve my
00:54:43.220 | friends or my neighbors
00:54:45.220 | or other... I'm going to go to
00:54:47.220 | assisted living place.
00:54:49.220 | Or maybe I'm going to do it with
00:54:51.220 | foster kids. I'm going to be the one that can
00:54:53.220 | take them out to play basketball
00:54:55.220 | or miniature golf or for
00:54:57.220 | walks, whatever it is.
00:54:59.220 | Or with my dog, they can
00:55:01.220 | walk with me. Or maybe
00:55:03.220 | you'll even think a little bigger and you'll
00:55:05.220 | do a fundraiser for the foster
00:55:07.220 | care or for somebody else.
00:55:09.220 | You'll get people to be active
00:55:11.220 | with you. You'll be accountable. You'll be
00:55:13.220 | helping them and maybe you'll do it
00:55:15.220 | for even a bigger cause.
00:55:17.220 | It's better to have no calling
00:55:19.220 | than an unfulfilled calling.
00:55:21.220 | What I mean by that is
00:55:23.220 | to set a goal
00:55:25.220 | and not reach it is worse than
00:55:27.220 | having no goals. That's why
00:55:29.220 | I want you to think about new things you
00:55:31.220 | want to do and before you
00:55:33.220 | leave tonight, think about, "Okay."
00:55:35.220 | She keeps saying it. "What can I
00:55:37.220 | implement by tomorrow morning
00:55:39.220 | or by the end of tomorrow day or even
00:55:41.220 | tonight? What can I start doing?"
00:55:43.220 | Implement. It doesn't have to be
00:55:45.220 | the right thing. It's not the purpose.
00:55:47.220 | It's a purpose.
00:55:49.220 | And
00:55:51.220 | okay.
00:55:53.220 | Remember I said a
00:55:55.220 | purpose, not the purpose.
00:55:57.220 | People who are called
00:55:59.220 | satisficers, they
00:56:01.220 | think things are good enough.
00:56:03.220 | They have better health and well-being
00:56:05.220 | than people who are maximizers, people
00:56:07.220 | that think, "I have to find the perfect
00:56:09.220 | volunteer position or the
00:56:11.220 | perfect list." They are not
00:56:13.220 | as happy or successful as the people
00:56:15.220 | that think, "I need to find something
00:56:17.220 | good enough."
00:56:19.220 | Okay. So I already
00:56:21.220 | told you that about your ideal life.
00:56:23.220 | Last, I just have two little things
00:56:25.220 | to end. When you're having
00:56:27.220 | a new habit, say you're
00:56:29.220 | going to start flossing, typically
00:56:31.220 | it can take one to two or
00:56:33.220 | three months to develop a new habit.
00:56:35.220 | So as you try these new
00:56:37.220 | things, give them time.
00:56:39.220 | You might want to tweak them. You might want
00:56:41.220 | support from others,
00:56:43.220 | but keep at it for
00:56:45.220 | a while. New habits don't develop
00:56:47.220 | quickly.
00:56:49.220 | I want to end with something that
00:56:51.220 | actually is not evidence-based,
00:56:53.220 | but I consider it
00:56:55.220 | poignant and helpful.
00:56:57.220 | Bronnie Ware is
00:56:59.220 | a nurse to patients who are dying,
00:57:01.220 | and she writes
00:57:03.220 | about regrets from people
00:57:05.220 | who are dying, because that's
00:57:07.220 | who she's working with, and that's what they're
00:57:09.220 | talking to her about.
00:57:11.220 | So I ask you before I tell
00:57:13.220 | you the number one regret,
00:57:15.220 | something that you'd want to
00:57:17.220 | think about is, "Is there anything
00:57:19.220 | I've always wanted to do and I don't
00:57:21.220 | want to run out of the resources
00:57:23.220 | or the time or the
00:57:25.220 | health to do it?"
00:57:27.220 | What is that? Maybe you
00:57:29.220 | can do it. Anyway, the number one
00:57:31.220 | regret that she finds,
00:57:33.220 | okay, punchline
00:57:35.220 | here, if I can get to it.
00:57:37.220 | Oops, elements, physical
00:57:39.220 | activity, sorry. Okay, the
00:57:41.220 | number one regret is,
00:57:43.220 | "I wish I had the courage
00:57:45.220 | to live a life true to
00:57:47.220 | myself, not the
00:57:49.220 | life others expected of me."
00:57:51.220 | Another, this is probably the last
00:57:53.220 | slide you might want to copy.
00:57:55.220 | "I wish I had the courage
00:57:57.220 | to live a life true to myself,
00:57:59.220 | not the life others
00:58:01.220 | expected of me." And I,
00:58:03.220 | Jill, wish you the courage
00:58:05.220 | and support to live a life
00:58:07.220 | that has purpose for you.
00:58:09.220 | Thank you. So that's it.
00:58:11.220 | That's what I do. Okay, 5.58.
00:58:13.220 | We have time for
00:58:15.220 | a few questions.
00:58:17.220 | And Jim, you can give me any feedback
00:58:19.220 | or tell me if people are still
00:58:21.220 | there and if they had any questions.
00:58:23.220 | Yeah, we had over
00:58:25.220 | 100 people or 99
00:58:27.220 | people show up. And a few
00:58:29.220 | people have just recently dropped out, but
00:58:31.220 | very good turnout for sure.
00:58:33.220 | Thank you. Great. And
00:58:35.220 | we have, somebody
00:58:37.220 | had made a comment that they're 57,
00:58:39.220 | self-employed for 36 years in a field
00:58:41.220 | that they love, but COVID
00:58:43.220 | has made the work vanished
00:58:45.220 | and the work has not
00:58:47.220 | come back. They're in
00:58:49.220 | terrific financial shape, but not ready
00:58:51.220 | to retire. The university,
00:58:53.220 | sorry, the universe has apparently
00:58:55.220 | decided it's retirement
00:58:57.220 | time, but what can I do?
00:58:59.220 | Even another five or eight
00:59:01.220 | years would be nice. So I just,
00:59:03.220 | maybe you could comment on that.
00:59:05.220 | Well,
00:59:07.220 | I guess my first comment is, I'm
00:59:09.220 | sorry, because
00:59:11.220 | going through COVID
00:59:13.220 | for many of us
00:59:15.220 | and still going through COVID has been
00:59:17.220 | a very difficult time.
00:59:19.220 | And the situation you're describing
00:59:21.220 | is not unusual.
00:59:23.220 | And if you look at the literature
00:59:25.220 | on successful
00:59:27.220 | retirement, being
00:59:29.220 | forced in retirement is not a
00:59:31.220 | good predictor of success.
00:59:33.220 | However, you just
00:59:35.220 | heard an entire
00:59:37.220 | lecture on no matter where
00:59:39.220 | you're at, you can find
00:59:41.220 | purpose, and that's very good for your
00:59:43.220 | mental and physical health.
00:59:45.220 | So what I would do, first
00:59:47.220 | of all, if you want to, you can go back to my
00:59:49.220 | other lecture, but I think this
00:59:51.220 | is the one you need. Let's look for
00:59:53.220 | a purpose for you.
00:59:55.220 | And if I was talking
00:59:57.220 | with you, I would start with those seven
00:59:59.220 | areas, like
01:00:01.220 | what do you value? What do you
01:00:03.220 | like doing? What's important
01:00:05.220 | to you? Let's find that and go
01:00:07.220 | through the seven areas.
01:00:09.220 | I went through to think, "Okay,
01:00:11.220 | I'm going to try this." Or maybe
01:00:13.220 | it's just easy for you. You go,
01:00:15.220 | "You know what? I've worked so hard.
01:00:17.220 | I love my work. I don't really
01:00:19.220 | have that many close people in
01:00:21.220 | my life." And she just said, "If
01:00:23.220 | I'm in a heterosexual relationship,
01:00:25.220 | it's not a good thing to just rely
01:00:27.220 | on my female partner."
01:00:29.220 | And you can
01:00:31.220 | look at my research on my website.
01:00:33.220 | It's problematic. So maybe
01:00:35.220 | you think, "Gee, that's really
01:00:37.220 | important. I don't even know
01:00:39.220 | how to start, but I'm going to start looking
01:00:41.220 | at how do you make friendships?"
01:00:43.220 | And they're very
01:00:45.220 | good books.
01:00:47.220 | One of the best people in the field
01:00:49.220 | about the importance of social connection
01:00:51.220 | was University of Chicago.
01:00:53.220 | And he died in the
01:00:55.220 | last year. So if anybody can think of his
01:00:57.220 | name, if not, if that's important to you,
01:00:59.220 | we'll get back to you. But go University
01:01:01.220 | of Chicago Social Connection.
01:01:03.220 | It's an unusual name.
01:01:05.220 | It was an excellent book on loneliness,
01:01:07.220 | but you might not be feeling lonely,
01:01:09.220 | and that's not the point. The point is
01:01:11.220 | about social connection.
01:01:13.220 | So you could start with anything
01:01:15.220 | here. It doesn't have to be the right
01:01:17.220 | thing. Did I bring up anything
01:01:19.220 | to you, that person,
01:01:21.220 | that feels like, "Okay,
01:01:23.220 | I just want to get in gear
01:01:25.220 | and start something." So I
01:01:27.220 | know, Jim,
01:01:29.220 | do you feel like that was
01:01:31.220 | helpful? Because I'm repeating
01:01:33.220 | what I said. You
01:01:35.220 | do? Okay. Yeah, and we have another question
01:01:37.220 | from Art. Dr. Steinberg,
01:01:39.220 | do you think it's more difficult for Americans
01:01:41.220 | to deal with this issue because of the way
01:01:43.220 | our society, work, retirement,
01:01:45.220 | and its ties to money and position
01:01:47.220 | are set up versus a country
01:01:49.220 | like Japan, who has
01:01:51.220 | a purpose as part of the culture?
01:01:53.220 | That, I
01:01:55.220 | can't
01:01:57.220 | answer that because I
01:01:59.220 | haven't read the research.
01:02:01.220 | If you ask my gut reaction,
01:02:03.220 | I think it's very difficult
01:02:05.220 | in this society to
01:02:07.220 | do well in retirement.
01:02:09.220 | As I said,
01:02:11.220 | at best, 75%
01:02:13.220 | of people enjoy
01:02:15.220 | their retirement, and that's of the people
01:02:17.220 | that choose it, that
01:02:19.220 | are privileged
01:02:21.220 | enough to have the finances,
01:02:23.220 | the health, to even
01:02:25.220 | retire.
01:02:27.220 | That's a crappy
01:02:29.220 | statistic. That's
01:02:31.220 | barely a C.
01:02:33.220 | We're not doing that well.
01:02:35.220 | I don't know the statistics of Japan,
01:02:37.220 | but when I read about
01:02:39.220 | that, when you have more
01:02:41.220 | community and thinking about the
01:02:43.220 | others they profess, that gives
01:02:45.220 | you more a sense of purpose.
01:02:47.220 | It sounds
01:02:49.220 | good to me, and
01:02:51.220 | I wish we would develop
01:02:53.220 | -- we wouldn't be such an individualistic
01:02:55.220 | society because at the
01:02:57.220 | end of the day, the end of the research,
01:02:59.220 | that's not what
01:03:01.220 | making people happy and
01:03:03.220 | healthy.
01:03:05.220 | It's my best guess.
01:03:07.220 | Okay. We have another
01:03:09.220 | comment. "Great talk. You mentioned that
01:03:11.220 | you're going to start a mentoring program.
01:03:13.220 | When do you plan to do that, and
01:03:15.220 | how could one join a mentoring program?"
01:03:17.220 | Right now,
01:03:19.220 | it's through Boston
01:03:21.220 | University. If you're an alumni
01:03:23.220 | of BU, you can join it.
01:03:25.220 | We won't start it probably
01:03:27.220 | for about two months.
01:03:29.220 | We just recently did a survey at
01:03:31.220 | my last presentation, and
01:03:33.220 | we have enough interest
01:03:35.220 | that people would want it.
01:03:37.220 | Right now, I am developing
01:03:39.220 | the retiree
01:03:41.220 | to retiree mentor program.
01:03:43.220 | The only other
01:03:45.220 | few I know in the whole country,
01:03:47.220 | because I've scoured the research.
01:03:49.220 | Emory University,
01:03:51.220 | if you've been a part of that.
01:03:53.220 | Oh, and too,
01:03:55.220 | the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard
01:03:57.220 | just has
01:03:59.220 | a network where you can see who else
01:04:01.220 | retired, but they don't do --
01:04:03.220 | I'm going to train people
01:04:05.220 | to be mentors
01:04:07.220 | and
01:04:09.220 | mentees, how to be mentees
01:04:11.220 | and match them and start it.
01:04:13.220 | I did a very successful
01:04:15.220 | program at San Jose
01:04:17.220 | State University, but that was
01:04:19.220 | student-to-student.
01:04:21.220 | If you look into literature on mentoring,
01:04:23.220 | it's a very
01:04:25.220 | successful thing.
01:04:27.220 | That's how. If you're a BU alum,
01:04:29.220 | you've made it that way.
01:04:31.220 | If not,
01:04:33.220 | I don't know where else in the rest of
01:04:35.220 | your life there's not much literature
01:04:37.220 | on retiree-to-retiree
01:04:39.220 | mentoring. Maybe Bogleheads could
01:04:41.220 | do something, but I know your
01:04:43.220 | focus is more financial,
01:04:45.220 | or I am
01:04:47.220 | setting up the
01:04:49.220 | parameters for training right
01:04:51.220 | now, so perhaps you live
01:04:53.220 | in a community where you'd
01:04:55.220 | like that, and they'd ask me to
01:04:57.220 | consult on what
01:04:59.220 | we could do to start our own
01:05:01.220 | mentoring program. Anyway,
01:05:03.220 | that's how it's going, and it's a very new
01:05:05.220 | thing, and I'm proud of BU
01:05:07.220 | because when they started working with me
01:05:09.220 | about 10 years ago, really, the
01:05:11.220 | Association did not focus on
01:05:13.220 | our age and stage, and
01:05:15.220 | we were so successful
01:05:17.220 | at getting huge amounts of people
01:05:19.220 | to attend that
01:05:21.220 | they've now started this whole initiative
01:05:23.220 | for our age. We
01:05:25.220 | want to be involved.
01:05:27.220 | We want to be a resource.
01:05:29.220 | Jim, how are we doing
01:05:31.220 | with time? I could easily
01:05:33.220 | end. I've talked a lot,
01:05:35.220 | and I don't know if people
01:05:37.220 | are okay if we end.
01:05:39.220 | We have a couple
01:05:41.220 | more comments, and I'll just -- somebody
01:05:43.220 | commented about the literature
01:05:45.220 | you mentioned and maybe a suggested reading
01:05:47.220 | list. Maybe we could get together
01:05:49.220 | later, like tomorrow, next day, and
01:05:51.220 | put a list together and then
01:05:53.220 | publish it with the chat notes that we
01:05:55.220 | are going to publish. That would be all right with you?
01:05:57.220 | If you ask that person,
01:05:59.220 | I don't know, just put it out, and
01:06:01.220 | maybe they could respond.
01:06:03.220 | The whole thing is evidence-based,
01:06:05.220 | so was there something in
01:06:07.220 | particular you would
01:06:09.220 | like? Since it was me
01:06:11.220 | and I was going to go to something
01:06:13.220 | to start from this,
01:06:15.220 | particularly that person that says, "What am I
01:06:17.220 | going to do with my life now?"
01:06:19.220 | Go to Seligman. Go
01:06:21.220 | to watch a TED Talk by
01:06:23.220 | Seligman on Flourish. Go to
01:06:25.220 | the University of Pennsylvania website.
01:06:27.220 | That's a quick, easy
01:06:29.220 | -- you can do it tonight.
01:06:31.220 | He's excellent. He's all
01:06:33.220 | evidence-based on interventions,
01:06:35.220 | too. If there's
01:06:37.220 | somebody in particular
01:06:39.220 | they want,
01:06:41.220 | if they could put it in the
01:06:43.220 | chat from all that I presented,
01:06:45.220 | what is it?
01:06:47.220 | If it's about
01:06:49.220 | successful retirement, like I brought
01:06:51.220 | up issues with couples or
01:06:53.220 | planning or those kinds
01:06:55.220 | of things I illustrated people,
01:06:57.220 | you could go to my website.
01:06:59.220 | On my website, myretirementworks.com,
01:07:01.220 | there's a
01:07:03.220 | section called Research. It's
01:07:05.220 | not as up-to-date as
01:07:07.220 | my chapter, but you don't need to
01:07:09.220 | buy this book unless you're interested
01:07:11.220 | in all aspects of
01:07:13.220 | the psychology and
01:07:15.220 | economics of the aging consumer.
01:07:17.220 | A lot of what's in this
01:07:19.220 | chapter is on my website, and
01:07:21.220 | all the resources
01:07:23.220 | are there. You
01:07:25.220 | could go there tonight.
01:07:27.220 | That's a really good start.
01:07:29.220 | Or you will let Jim know
01:07:31.220 | more, and Jim will let me know.
01:07:33.220 | Yes, very good.
01:07:35.220 | There were a lot
01:07:37.220 | of thank yous and a nice presentation.
01:07:39.220 | I just wanted to tell you these things.
01:07:41.220 | Fantastic insights
01:07:43.220 | and a number of people commented
01:07:45.220 | that they have a bunch of work to do now
01:07:47.220 | that you've told them.
01:07:49.220 | That's good.
01:07:51.220 | [Music]
01:07:53.220 | [Music]
01:07:55.220 | [Music]