How Can I Kill My Selfishness?
00:00:00.000 | Well, it's the polar opposite of Christ. And it's the polar opposite of the holy life.
00:00:11.680 | Selfishness. Selfishness, Spurgeon once said, is as foreign to Christianity as darkness
00:00:18.580 | to light. The darkness of self-centeredness is the opposite of Christ, his gospel, and
00:00:26.680 | it undermines every aim in the Christian life. Self-defeating selfishness is still in us.
00:00:32.880 | We want to shed it. We must fight it. And that leads to today's email. Pastor John,
00:00:37.080 | I need your help in overcoming my selfishness. I'm a 17-year-old male. People around me,
00:00:44.040 | people I love, and people who love me, especially my girlfriend, keep saying that I am selfish.
00:00:50.080 | I want to become selfless. The problem keeps coming back when I think I'm doing a good
00:00:54.680 | job being selfless. I'm sure I'm unwilling and just don't want to admit it. How can I
00:01:01.920 | learn to become a selfless young man?
00:01:06.360 | Well, not knowing you personally makes it a little bit awkward to give specific counsel.
00:01:13.400 | So I think the first thing I really should say is that it would be probably wise for
00:01:20.240 | you to seek out a mature Christian outside that circle that you're talking about, perhaps
00:01:27.680 | your pastor or youth leader, and share with them some of the specifics of what people
00:01:33.960 | are saying that puzzle you, and get their insight into your heart as they know you personally.
00:01:43.940 | Keep in mind that the Apostle Paul said, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching
00:01:50.080 | and admonishing one another in all wisdom." That's what you want. You want someone who's
00:01:55.880 | rich in biblical wisdom, who is full of the word of Christ, who can admonish you close
00:02:05.200 | at hand. That's what I can't do. I have to speak from a distance in generalities. You
00:02:10.320 | need somebody who knows you, full of biblical wisdom, full of courage to speak the truth.
00:02:17.260 | So that's my first counsel. But let me try to say some general things that I hope might
00:02:23.320 | help. Selfishness is a many-headed monster. It is, in a sense, the most destructive disease
00:02:35.120 | of the human soul. Absolutely nobody on this planet except for Jesus escapes the disease
00:02:42.200 | of selfishness. The heads of this monster are infinitely diverse. And I know that the
00:02:50.240 | word infinitely is an overstatement. I know that. But the point is, the variety of manifestations
00:02:58.320 | of selfishness are endless in this life. You cut off one head and another grows up. You
00:03:06.800 | might be a couch potato that is always expecting others to serve you your pizza, or you might
00:03:16.200 | be endlessly serving couch potatoes, deeply desiring that they make much of you for your
00:03:22.120 | service. You might be the most prayerful person in your group, and you may have never confessed
00:03:31.040 | personal sin in your public prayers in that group and ask for forgiveness because you
00:03:36.240 | don't want to reveal that part about yourself. You may call continual attention to the injustices
00:03:43.160 | of the world and how others are being mistreated, but others can tell by looking at you that
00:03:49.840 | there's a good deal of virtue signaling going on there as you show how discerning you are
00:03:56.840 | and how morally upright you are, that you can spot such injustices. There's just no
00:04:02.560 | end of the subtleties of selfishness in all of us, not just a 17-year-old struggling with
00:04:12.160 | his own heart. We must fight this monster on two fronts. Both are biblical, and the
00:04:20.400 | second is dominant. It should be dominant, let's say. The first is, but the first is
00:04:25.320 | good, necessary. The first is face the monster, stare it down, own it, be brokenhearted by
00:04:35.080 | it, hate it, declare war on it, kill it. That's what Paul meant in Colossians 3, 5 when he
00:04:43.160 | said, "Put to death, therefore, what is earthly in you." And one of the things he mentions
00:04:49.600 | is evil desire, like selfishness. That would include praying against it, spotting its first
00:04:59.120 | signs and resisting them, claiming your new position of acceptance and justification in
00:05:06.480 | Christ and saying, "I am a new creation. This ugly monster is not who I am. That's
00:05:12.880 | not my true identity," and then renouncing the temptation as alien to your soul, which
00:05:21.280 | is, which it is, it is alien to your soul in Christ Jesus. Now, that's the first front,
00:05:27.400 | that direct assailing, negative, killing fight that we must take up every day because that's
00:05:34.120 | what the Bible says we should do. The second front that we fight on is filling our minds
00:05:42.680 | and hearts with so much of Christ that the selfish impulses are defeated by being suffocated.
00:05:53.120 | They don't have room in your heart. They can't breathe there. There's too much Christ.
00:06:01.120 | They die, not mainly because of a direct attack, but because something has taken their place,
00:06:09.080 | namely humble, thankful love for Christ. So the analogy is a jar full of toxic fumes.
00:06:20.720 | Now, what would be the best way to get those fumes out of the jar? And you could attack
00:06:28.040 | them directly by attaching a vacuum and sucking them out, or more simply, more effectively,
00:06:37.360 | you could pour fresh, clean water into the jar and force all the toxic fumes out by replacing
00:06:48.320 | them. This is how sins are overcome most effectively. Our soul is the jar, selfishness is the toxic
00:06:58.320 | fumes, and Christ is the water that pushes it out. Specifically, Christ experienced in
00:07:09.160 | our knowledge of Christ, in our love for Christ, in our trust in Christ, experienced Christ
00:07:15.720 | present, reigning, ruling, taking up residence in our lives fully in fellowship. In other
00:07:23.160 | words, the best way to fight selfishness is not to think about selfishness, but to think
00:07:31.200 | about Christ and specifically to think about what a great savior he is, what a great counselor
00:07:40.760 | he is, a great friend, a great Lord, sustainer, champion. If our lives, our minds, our hearts
00:07:52.600 | are overflowing with wonder at the greatness and the beauty and the worth of Christ and
00:08:01.440 | the immeasurable value of what he's done for us, it is not likely that we will be perceived
00:08:09.120 | as selfish. Selfish people are preoccupied with themselves and not with Christ. They
00:08:18.920 | have a longing that they be recognized, made much of, focused on, instead of Christ being
00:08:27.600 | recognized, made much of, focused on. This is a matter of authentic, heartfelt emotion.
00:08:37.640 | You can't produce this like a show. The goal is to feel, truly feel the preciousness of
00:08:46.960 | Christ. That's the goal. It has to be real. This is what Paul meant when he said, "I count
00:08:53.800 | everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." That's
00:09:01.600 | the key. That was not a show for Paul. He wasn't putting on airs. He was expressing
00:09:09.000 | the deepest affections of his heart. I love Jesus Christ more than anything.
00:09:16.960 | So the strategy for overcoming selfishness is Hebrews 3.1. Consider Jesus, the apostle
00:09:26.040 | and high priest of our confession. Or Hebrews 12.3. Consider him who endured for sinners
00:09:34.920 | such hostility against himself. This is the work of a lifetime, not the work of a moment.
00:09:43.560 | Every day, focusing our mind's attention and our heart's affection on Christ and the kind
00:09:52.160 | of person he is and the greatness of the work that he has done. I think Jesus had the danger
00:10:01.880 | of selfishness in mind when he told his disciples who had just experienced great victories over
00:10:09.600 | Satan that they should not rejoice in this, but that their names are written in heaven.
00:10:18.240 | Luke 10.20. In other words, it's more effective in overcoming sin that we be amazed that we're
00:10:29.640 | saved than that we're successful, even successful by God's power. You would think ministry success
00:10:40.600 | is a good thing to rejoice in, but Jesus says it's even more important to rejoice that you
00:10:49.280 | know Christ, rejoice that you have a relationship with Jesus, that you spend time with him now
00:10:56.360 | and you will spend eternity with him later. And let me say one more thing quickly before
00:11:02.880 | we stop. Since Jesus said to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, it's clear that Jesus
00:11:08.960 | acknowledges there is a proper self-love. This is not self-esteem. This is doing what
00:11:17.840 | will bring infinite and eternal joy to your own soul. That's self-love. Doing what will
00:11:24.800 | bring infinite and eternal joy to your own soul. And that's what Jesus offers us. And
00:11:31.000 | then Jesus makes our desire for our own eternal happiness, the measure of our desire for other
00:11:39.040 | people's happiness, which is very radical. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Are
00:11:47.000 | you pursuing your own happiness? Yes, you are. You are. Then make that the measure of
00:11:56.080 | your pursuit of other people's happiness, other people's good. So I would simply add
00:12:03.040 | this to your strategy against selfishness. Whenever you pursue something for yourself,
00:12:09.440 | which you will, you must, you eat, you sleep, you get exercise. Whenever you pursue something
00:12:15.440 | for yourself, ask this, "Do I have an effective desire in my heart that others would share
00:12:25.040 | with me in this temporal or eternal good and happiness?" It's not selfish to seek your
00:12:34.720 | own happiness if part of, essential to your own happiness is the sincere desire to include
00:12:46.080 | others in it.
00:12:48.680 | The best way to fight selfishness is not to think about selfishness, but to think about
00:12:53.080 | Christ and specifically to think about what a great Savior He is, what a great counselor
00:12:57.520 | He is, a great friend, Lord, sustainer, champion.
00:13:02.800 | So moving. Thank you, Pastor John, for this reminder to look again to Christ and to see
00:13:07.040 | that He broke us free from our selfishness by His selfless blood.
00:13:15.600 | Thanks for joining us today. If you want to ask Pastor John, type out your question and
00:13:18.800 | email it to me at askpastorjohn@desiringgod.org.
00:13:24.640 | Well in each generation, God seems to raise influential leaders in the church, men who
00:13:29.800 | leave behind a lasting gospel impact on the church. I'd put Pastor John in that category.
00:13:35.160 | So what happens when such voices begin to pass away like we saw this spring? Natasha,
00:13:40.560 | a listener wants to know next time she expresses her fear for the future of the modern church
00:13:44.560 | when trusted voices are gone. The sobering question. I'm your host Tony Reinke. We'll
00:13:49.480 | see you on Monday.
00:13:50.360 | [END]
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