ACBC Theology Exam 11 - Man as Male and Female

00:00:00.000 | number 11 and great to have you all on this live webinar.

00:00:05.640 | Thanks so much for joining us.

00:00:07.360 | I hope you had a great week and that you're trusting in the Lord

00:00:11.600 | for your life and for the lives of those whom you love,

00:00:15.760 | and that you're just walking in the blessings of Christ.

00:00:19.880 | It's been a busy and a full week and a busy and a full day here at Kindred,

00:00:27.400 | and I know that that's true for all of you as well,

00:00:30.800 | but we do look forward to a wonderful hour here looking at theology exam number 11.

00:00:37.320 | We're looking at the subject of man as male and female,

00:00:42.560 | theology exam number 11,

00:00:45.720 | and I think this is going to be a good study for us tonight.

00:00:50.320 | For our opening devotional tonight,

00:00:54.800 | I'd like to take us to Matthew Chapter 3, verses 16 and 17.

00:01:00.600 | It might be an unexpected passage to look at dealing with the subject of man as male and female,

00:01:10.040 | but I trust you'll see the connection.

00:01:12.760 | I want to introduce this topic in a roundabout way,

00:01:17.840 | and I think you'll see the connection to our study tonight.

00:01:22.880 | But this is from Matthew 3,

00:01:25.280 | verses 16 and 17,

00:01:28.160 | which is the scene of the baptism of Jesus,

00:01:31.520 | and the text reads in verse 16,

00:01:35.000 | "And when Jesus was baptized,

00:01:36.720 | immediately he went up from the water,

00:01:39.040 | and behold, the heavens were open to him,

00:01:41.560 | and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him.

00:01:47.080 | Behold, a voice from heaven said,

00:01:49.120 | 'This is my beloved Son with whom I am well-pleased.'"

00:01:54.120 | That is a beautiful picture of the persons of the Trinity.

00:02:00.160 | You have there the Son, Jesus Christ,

00:02:03.040 | in the Jordan River being baptized by John the Baptist at the beginning of his public ministry.

00:02:11.080 | You have the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on the Son,

00:02:18.120 | Jesus Christ, and we see that the Son in his earthly life and ministry was empowered by the Spirit,

00:02:25.080 | was led by the Spirit of God,

00:02:28.280 | and then we see the affirmation of the Father where it says,

00:02:33.480 | "Behold, a voice from heaven said,

00:02:35.720 | 'This is my beloved Son with whom I am well-pleased.'"

00:02:41.840 | This isn't the last time that the Father is going to express his delight in the perfections of his Son.

00:02:53.160 | You'll remember in Matthew 17,

00:02:56.240 | there's the passage of Christ's transfiguration where the Father says,

00:03:03.000 | "This is my beloved Son with whom I am well-pleased.

00:03:05.560 | Listen to him."

00:03:07.520 | So you'll remember from our study on the Trinity,

00:03:10.480 | God is three persons,

00:03:12.320 | each person is fully God,

00:03:14.400 | and yet not three gods,

00:03:16.480 | there's one God,

00:03:18.440 | Triunity or Trinity.

00:03:20.040 | So you see God the Father expressing his delight in the person of God the Son.

00:03:26.400 | "This is my beloved Son with whom I am well-pleased."

00:03:32.440 | So you have your distinction.

00:03:35.240 | You have Jesus the Son being baptized,

00:03:39.040 | you have the Spirit of God descending on the Son,

00:03:42.280 | you have the Father declaring his joy in the Son,

00:03:48.000 | and yet at the same time,

00:03:49.600 | you have essential harmony or essential unity.

00:03:53.760 | You don't have any type of competition,

00:03:57.160 | you don't have any type of friction between the persons of the Trinity,

00:04:01.480 | you have each person working in perfect harmony and unity.

00:04:08.400 | That is a beautiful picture of the relationships that

00:04:13.240 | exist within the unity of the Trinity.

00:04:18.400 | So just think through with me for a minute

00:04:22.440 | the relationships between the Father,

00:04:25.640 | the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

00:04:27.960 | The Son, as you know,

00:04:31.720 | comes in obedience to the Father's will.

00:04:35.560 | He submits to the Father,

00:04:38.840 | and he accomplishes the Father's plan of redemption.

00:04:44.080 | We have passages like John 4,

00:04:47.240 | verse 34, where Jesus said,

00:04:49.360 | "My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work."

00:04:54.440 | So this coming of the Son,

00:04:57.040 | Jesus Christ to this world is not of the Son's initiative,

00:05:01.200 | it's the Father's initiative.

00:05:04.480 | The Son comes to fulfill the plan of the Father.

00:05:09.040 | John 8, verse 42,

00:05:11.440 | Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father,

00:05:15.400 | you would love me for I came from God and I'm here.

00:05:18.760 | I came not of my own accord,

00:05:21.840 | but he sent me."

00:05:23.600 | So the Son comes to this earth in submission to the Father's will.

00:05:33.720 | At the Garden of Gethsemane, you remember Jesus was praying,

00:05:38.360 | "My Father, if it is possible,

00:05:41.320 | let this cup pass from me,

00:05:42.680 | nevertheless, not as I will,

00:05:44.640 | but as you will."

00:05:46.840 | So you have two persons of equal essence.

00:05:51.760 | The Father is fully God and the Son is fully God.

00:05:54.840 | The Son is co-equal with the Father in essential deity,

00:05:59.680 | and yet the Son comes in perfect submission to the Father's authority.

00:06:07.720 | Then you have the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

00:06:13.680 | How does the Holy Spirit work in relation to the Son?

00:06:19.760 | Well, if you read the gospel records,

00:06:22.360 | you know that the Spirit comes and empowers the Son and his public ministry.

00:06:29.640 | Jesus comes to this earth,

00:06:34.040 | the Spirit empowers the Son,

00:06:37.240 | and the Spirit leads the Son through his earthly ministry.

00:06:42.840 | Luke 4, verse 1 says,

00:06:44.400 | "Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit,

00:06:47.600 | returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness."

00:06:51.960 | So the Son is led by the Holy Spirit.

00:06:57.080 | Verse 14, "Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee and report about him,

00:07:02.480 | went out through all the surrounding country."

00:07:05.760 | Verse 16 says, "He came to Nazareth where he had been brought up,

00:07:10.520 | and as was his custom,

00:07:11.720 | he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day and he stood up to read,

00:07:15.720 | and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him.

00:07:19.000 | He enrolled the scroll and found a place where it was written,

00:07:21.640 | 'The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

00:07:24.480 | because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.'"

00:07:29.240 | So the Son is the Messiah, the anointed one.

00:07:35.040 | He is anointed by the Holy Spirit and the Spirit empowers the Son.

00:07:42.360 | Watch this, "In order to fulfill the Father's plan,

00:07:47.680 | in order to fulfill the Father's will."

00:07:50.640 | So we could say that the Spirit comes in submission to the Son,

00:07:55.640 | so that the Son will fulfill his submission to the Father.

00:08:03.200 | Many passages speak of this relationship.

00:08:08.240 | "In this day and age, the Spirit fills the Church of God,

00:08:11.000 | empowers the Church to minister the gospel of the Son."

00:08:15.000 | John 16, verse 13, "When the Spirit of truth comes,

00:08:18.240 | he will guide you into all the truth,

00:08:20.240 | for he will not speak on his own authority,

00:08:23.920 | but whatever he hears, he will speak,

00:08:26.000 | and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

00:08:28.640 | He will glorify me, that is Christ,

00:08:32.280 | for he will take what is mine and declare it to you."

00:08:35.200 | So the Spirit's goal in this day and age is to shine

00:08:39.560 | a giant spotlight on the Son and his perfect work,

00:08:44.480 | and glorify the Son.

00:08:47.680 | The Spirit is delighted whenever the Son is exalted,

00:08:54.040 | as is the Father is delighted in that as well.

00:08:59.960 | So you have this beautiful relationship

00:09:03.360 | between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

00:09:06.320 | You have essential unity.

00:09:07.640 | Remember, each person is fully God,

00:09:10.200 | yet you have these distinction of roles.

00:09:14.920 | You have the Spirit submitting to the Son

00:09:19.120 | and desiring that the Son receive all glory and praise.

00:09:22.680 | You have the Son submitting to the Father

00:09:26.040 | and coming in obedience to the Father's will.

00:09:31.160 | You have essential unity and yet distinction of roles,

00:09:36.680 | what theologians call ontological equality,

00:09:40.560 | that is equality of essence and economic subordination,

00:09:46.400 | that is submission in terms of roles,

00:09:51.200 | as the Son submits to the Father and the Spirit to the Son.

00:09:56.240 | So Bruce Ware has said it well when he said this.

00:10:00.920 | "God works as the Father, the Son, and the Spirit,

00:10:03.640 | with each person accomplishing the specific work

00:10:06.760 | that each one is responsible to do."

00:10:10.360 | Within the carrying out of these roles,

00:10:11.960 | there seems to be a clear relationship

00:10:13.920 | in which the Father is supreme in authority,

00:10:17.240 | the Son submits fully to the will of the Father,

00:10:21.280 | and the Spirit seeks to carry for the work of the Son

00:10:26.160 | to the ultimate praise of the Father.

00:10:29.560 | The distinctions in their work, then,

00:10:31.400 | must be recognized if we are to understand,

00:10:34.640 | rightly, the outworking of God's purposes and plans.

00:10:42.200 | Now, I know what many of you might be thinking

00:10:44.360 | on this webinar.

00:10:46.480 | You might be saying, "But Dan,

00:10:48.200 | we finished the doctrine of the Trinity, right?

00:10:50.280 | I mean, we finished the doctrine of God.

00:10:52.400 | We're on to anthropology, the doctrine of man.

00:10:56.560 | You know, my essay's done on the Trinity.

00:10:58.520 | Why are we going back to the doctrine of the Trinity?

00:11:04.160 | Why is it important for us to review this doctrine?"

00:11:10.400 | And I wanted to approach the subject of gender,

00:11:15.040 | male and female, and the relationships

00:11:17.240 | that exist between genders

00:11:23.560 | by starting with the doctrine of the Trinity.

00:11:27.080 | I think we need to start here.

00:11:29.720 | I think as we talk through the whole issue

00:11:32.680 | of complementarianism,

00:11:35.080 | the truth that male and female are equal in value,

00:11:39.360 | in worth, in dignity,

00:11:42.080 | and yet play different roles in the family and the church,

00:11:46.880 | I think we need to start with how the persons of the Trinity

00:11:52.120 | relate to each other and respond to each other

00:11:55.520 | just to put this whole discussion in its proper context.

00:12:01.320 | I want to start here because I believe

00:12:04.560 | that if we don't start with God

00:12:07.560 | and with the persons of the Trinity,

00:12:10.960 | and if we just teach, you know, bare complementarianism,

00:12:15.440 | we teach the functions

00:12:18.080 | and we teach the roles that are taught in Scripture

00:12:20.920 | without putting it in context of man

00:12:24.760 | is made in the image and likeness of God.

00:12:26.800 | We are made to reflect God's beauty.

00:12:30.080 | We are made to reflect God's glory,

00:12:32.360 | to live in relationship with him,

00:12:35.120 | and to reflect something of the beauty of who he is.

00:12:41.320 | And so if we don't start with God

00:12:43.320 | and how the Father, Son, and Spirit relate to each other,

00:12:50.120 | then you might agree with the teaching of complementarianism.

00:12:54.280 | You might say, "Well, I agree that, you know,

00:12:57.720 | husbands should be leaders of their wives

00:13:01.120 | and wives should submit to their husbands,

00:13:03.080 | and I agree that pastors should be,

00:13:07.600 | and elders should be male,

00:13:09.480 | and that females shouldn't preach in the church."

00:13:13.200 | I mean, you may agree with the bare facts

00:13:16.520 | of complementarianism,

00:13:18.560 | but if you don't see it in context of the relationships

00:13:22.600 | that exist within the unity of the Trinity,

00:13:26.800 | then you're not going to love complementarianism.

00:13:31.640 | You're not going to delight in it.

00:13:34.760 | You're not going to find something

00:13:37.960 | that's beautiful and wonderful

00:13:41.320 | in the roles that God has designed

00:13:45.120 | unless you see how those roles reflect

00:13:48.280 | something of the beauty of the Triune God himself.

00:13:53.680 | And I think that's why it's important to start again

00:13:57.280 | with the doctrine of the Trinity

00:13:59.120 | and then reason from there.

00:14:00.560 | If God is three persons

00:14:04.480 | and the Father is co-equal with the Son

00:14:08.440 | and co-equal with the Spirit,

00:14:10.360 | and yet the Son delights to submit to the Father

00:14:14.720 | and the Spirit delights to submit to the Son,

00:14:19.640 | then does it not follow from who God is

00:14:23.320 | that male and female can be equal

00:14:26.320 | in value, dignity, worth, and rank,

00:14:29.640 | and yet play different roles in the church

00:14:34.280 | and in the family,

00:14:37.400 | and that those distinctions

00:14:38.840 | would not just merely be functional?

00:14:41.960 | That is, it's not just meant to serve a practical end,

00:14:45.440 | even though there are practical benefits

00:14:47.280 | from those types of role distinctions.

00:14:49.760 | It's not merely functional.

00:14:51.400 | That's not our argument.

00:14:52.920 | It's reflective of the person

00:14:57.920 | of who God is himself.

00:14:59.920 | It is something that is beautiful

00:15:03.640 | because it reflects something of God's likeness.

00:15:08.440 | And if you take away the idea of complementary roles

00:15:13.440 | in the church and in the family,

00:15:17.680 | and you say that male and female are equal,

00:15:20.080 | therefore they're interchangeable,

00:15:22.280 | that they don't have distinct functions and roles,

00:15:26.680 | then you lose something of how male and female

00:15:30.320 | can reflect the likeness of the triune God himself.

00:15:37.800 | I'd pray that the result of our study tonight,

00:15:42.560 | that you wouldn't just be able

00:15:44.040 | to recite the bare facts of complementarianism

00:15:48.280 | or to say that you intellectually agree

00:15:53.000 | that these teachings are true.

00:15:55.440 | My prayer is that as you see this in context,

00:15:58.600 | that you would cherish this doctrine,

00:16:02.000 | that you would love it,

00:16:04.040 | that you would see something of the beauty of it,

00:16:07.600 | that it would be precious to you.

00:16:11.960 | My prayer is that you would understand the texts

00:16:15.480 | which teach complementarianism versus egalitarianism

00:16:19.640 | and be able to defend distinction of roles from scripture.

00:16:24.640 | But I hope that you and I go beyond that

00:16:29.120 | and that we would love this doctrine,

00:16:32.000 | not only because it's taught in the word of God,

00:16:34.040 | but to submit to God-given authority

00:16:39.040 | is to be like Christ himself.

00:16:43.480 | And to understand equality yet diversity of roles

00:16:49.480 | is to see something of the beauty of God himself.

00:16:54.400 | And so I wanna talk through that with you tonight.

00:16:57.960 | Just some practical, just some implications here.

00:17:02.960 | I'm gonna skip some of this language.

00:17:05.400 | But as I was just thinking through this

00:17:07.120 | and this is fresh on my mind

00:17:09.600 | and on just how does this impact our lives

00:17:14.600 | and how does this impact my life and yours?

00:17:18.640 | I was just thinking through some fresh implications.

00:17:22.960 | Number one, and I believe this,

00:17:25.720 | you're only a leader when you yourself are able to submit.

00:17:30.280 | And that's, I think, a good encouragement for not only men,

00:17:35.280 | but women as well who are in places of authority.

00:17:40.960 | We are all called to submit to someone

00:17:46.960 | that God has placed over us.

00:17:49.340 | And I've just been reminded of this myself

00:17:52.880 | that I'm only a leader as much as I am able to submit.

00:17:57.880 | I'm called to submit to God's word.

00:18:00.340 | I'm called to submit to Christ

00:18:05.520 | as Christ's authority is real in my life.

00:18:10.520 | And I submit to Christ as I study his word.

00:18:14.840 | I'm called to submit to my fellow elders and pastors

00:18:17.680 | in the local church.

00:18:18.920 | I'm called to submit to governmental authorities.

00:18:22.720 | I'm called to submit even in the sense

00:18:25.360 | of submitting with accountability to church membership

00:18:28.840 | and the members of the church who hold me accountable.

00:18:32.840 | I'm called to submit to God-given authority.

00:18:37.840 | And I can't say to my wife or to my children

00:18:41.800 | or to members of my church as a pastor,

00:18:43.800 | I can't say to them, well, you need to submit to me

00:18:47.880 | unless I myself am submitting to the authorities

00:18:51.800 | that God has placed over me.

00:18:54.360 | And that's just something that's fresh

00:18:55.760 | and really real a reminder on my heart

00:18:59.280 | that a leader is called to submit.

00:19:04.040 | And when a leader submits to the authorities over him,

00:19:09.040 | then he makes it a joy for people to submit to him.

00:19:14.980 | If I'm submitted to God's word and submitted to Christ,

00:19:19.020 | then my wife will find submission to me and marriage a joy.

00:19:24.020 | And if I'm not submitted to God's word,

00:19:26.880 | then submission to my leadership in the home

00:19:31.000 | will be very burdensome for my wife and for my children.

00:19:34.420 | And so you're only a leader

00:19:36.560 | when you yourself are able to submit.

00:19:40.200 | Number two, this is just some fresh reflection on this.

00:19:46.120 | True submission is not inferiority.

00:19:48.860 | It's not inferiority.

00:19:53.980 | It's equality of value, equality of rank,

00:19:58.980 | equality of dignity.

00:20:04.140 | It's being equally made in the image of God.

00:20:08.760 | I mean, there is equality

00:20:10.220 | and then there is distinction of roles.

00:20:12.840 | And so to be brought into submission

00:20:17.100 | to what God has placed over you

00:20:20.820 | is not to embrace inferiority.

00:20:24.380 | Again, this is just some fresh reflections on this theme.

00:20:31.740 | I think there is, I mean, thinking through the whole topic

00:20:36.900 | of parenting adult children,

00:20:39.760 | because that's a common counseling issue

00:20:43.700 | as well as something that's real in my life.

00:20:45.820 | I have two, I'm a brand new,

00:20:49.020 | I'm a rookie to parenting adult children,

00:20:50.780 | but I do have boys who are newly young adults.

00:20:55.780 | And I think in parenting adult children,

00:21:01.540 | you have children who were once

00:21:04.260 | under your authority functionally,

00:21:07.680 | and now they are not under your authority.

00:21:11.740 | They are, in some sense, they are now equals.

00:21:16.740 | There's more emphasis on the quality

00:21:20.900 | of being made in the likeness and image of God

00:21:23.740 | and less emphasis on the functional subordination

00:21:27.580 | that they have under your leadership.

00:21:31.220 | And I believe that many parents struggle

00:21:34.980 | with this transition because they're still trying

00:21:37.080 | to relate to their children in terms of authority

00:21:40.340 | and control rather than developing that relationship

00:21:43.940 | as those who are equally made

00:21:46.220 | in the likeness and image of God.

00:21:48.100 | And it just relates to this whole theme of there is both,

00:21:54.020 | equality of being equally made in God's likeness

00:21:59.320 | and there is functional subordination in the plan of God.

00:22:06.100 | And then number three reflection is true submission

00:22:11.100 | is heart submission, it's heart submission.

00:22:16.020 | The son didn't say to the father, well, I'll do it,

00:22:20.000 | but I hate submitting to your authority.

00:22:24.360 | He said, my food is to do the will of him

00:22:26.840 | who sent me and accomplish his work.

00:22:30.840 | The son submitted with a full heart to the father

00:22:35.360 | because the son delighted

00:22:38.120 | in his relationship with the father.

00:22:41.740 | So let me just talk to you guys

00:22:45.360 | as biblical counselors in training for a moment.

00:22:49.800 | Much of biblical counseling is marriage counseling.

00:22:53.440 | I think it's estimated in most counseling centers,

00:22:55.800 | 60% of biblical counseling is marriage counseling.

00:23:02.480 | Much of marriage counseling is due to a misunderstanding

00:23:07.480 | and an abuse of complementarian roles in marriage

00:23:13.600 | that somehow the husband has heard

00:23:22.120 | that he's the head of the home

00:23:24.200 | and he didn't hear the other part of Ephesians five

00:23:27.200 | that says that being the head of the home

00:23:29.440 | means you love your wife as Christ loves the church

00:23:32.120 | and you lay down your life for her.

00:23:34.900 | But he heard the first part that he's the head of the home.

00:23:38.560 | And so he's calling the shots

00:23:40.280 | and he's telling people what to do.

00:23:43.080 | And he's the boss and he'll justify it

00:23:48.080 | using some biblical text saying,

00:23:51.520 | well, see the Bible says that I'm the leader of the home.

00:23:53.620 | So everyone needs to submit to me.

00:23:55.320 | And then you have distortions on the wife's end as well.

00:24:02.040 | But you see how this works that much of marriage counseling

00:24:05.080 | is helping people think through these roles

00:24:09.240 | and exactly the topic that we're looking at tonight

00:24:12.480 | on a complementarian understanding of gender roles

00:24:17.480 | and thinking through that biblically and clearly.

00:24:22.200 | And I think that's why this topic is so important

00:24:25.380 | for our training in biblical counseling.

00:24:27.360 | That's why ACBC wants you to write this essay.

00:24:31.440 | It's so practical.

00:24:33.520 | And you're gonna have a hard time shepherding people

00:24:37.880 | through the abuses of this doctrine

00:24:40.040 | if you don't clearly understand the teaching yourself.

00:24:44.520 | Would you see when the son submitted to the father,

00:24:46.960 | it's not just merely he did the father's will,

00:24:49.800 | but he delighted to do the father's will

00:24:53.440 | because he delighted in the father.

00:24:56.720 | He delighted in that relationship.

00:24:58.520 | He loved the father and the father delighted in him.

00:25:02.280 | And it's out of that mutual joy and delight

00:25:05.640 | in the perfections between the persons of the Trinity

00:25:08.640 | that came this wonderful submission where Jesus said,

00:25:12.640 | my food is to do the will of the father.

00:25:16.100 | And what you see in a lot of marriages

00:25:18.600 | is you see people trying to force the function.

00:25:22.400 | They're trying to force submission and headship,

00:25:25.760 | leadership and submission,

00:25:27.520 | apart from that mutual relationship of delight and joy.

00:25:32.220 | And just saying it's because I delight in my wife

00:25:38.480 | that I lay down my life for her and vice versa.

00:25:43.440 | It's because the wife says I delight

00:25:45.280 | in my husband's love for me.

00:25:47.520 | And I delight in my relationship with him

00:25:49.280 | that I will joyfully submit to his leadership over me.

00:25:55.000 | I think those are the things that we need to think through

00:25:56.920 | as biblical counselors.

00:25:58.320 | And we wanna train counselors that understand this doctrine,

00:26:03.320 | can shepherd people through it

00:26:06.160 | and also live it out themselves.

00:26:09.920 | I think that where true submission is heart submission

00:26:14.920 | is where the rubber meets the road for all of us.

00:26:21.600 | I think this is just,

00:26:23.280 | I mean, all of us can be like that kid who said,

00:26:27.600 | I'm sitting down on the outside

00:26:31.600 | and I'm standing up on the inside.

00:26:33.480 | And that's not true submission.

00:26:37.040 | That's not the submission of Christ.

00:26:38.880 | And this is something that is challenging for all of us

00:26:42.840 | and where we wanna lead our counselees

00:26:45.920 | as well as our own lives.

00:26:49.560 | So let me read the exam question.

00:26:54.560 | And then there's a typo here,

00:26:57.320 | but you guys will get the point here.

00:26:59.360 | Describe the biblical understanding

00:27:02.520 | of manhood and womanhood

00:27:03.920 | from an egalitarian and complimentarian perspective,

00:27:09.840 | explain which view you embrace

00:27:11.080 | and outline which you believe to be most biblical.

00:27:14.960 | Let me pray for us and then we'll get into the outline,

00:27:18.760 | but let me pause here and let me pray for our time.

00:27:22.080 | Father, thank you for just this reminder

00:27:25.240 | of the beauty of who you are

00:27:28.320 | and the beauty of the relationships that exist

00:27:31.440 | between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

00:27:35.860 | We just praise you that Lord,

00:27:39.440 | we are made in your image and likeness

00:27:43.080 | and made to reflect your glory and beauty.

00:27:46.400 | And we pray that Father,

00:27:48.800 | you would help us to understand gender roles

00:27:52.560 | as defined by scripture,

00:27:55.800 | not just so that we would grudgingly obey,

00:27:59.400 | but so that we might delightfully submit to your plan

00:28:03.880 | and that there would be something of a reflection

00:28:06.920 | of your glory in our marriages and our homes

00:28:09.960 | and in our churches.

00:28:11.800 | And so bless our time tonight.

00:28:12.880 | Thank you for each of my brothers and sisters

00:28:14.460 | who are working their way through this essay

00:28:17.560 | and pray that you would give them clear understanding.

00:28:21.080 | We pray this in Jesus' name, amen.

00:28:23.000 | Okay, on page one, just a brief overview.

00:28:29.080 | We have some good material there.

00:28:31.640 | I'm gonna let you read through that on your own,

00:28:34.520 | just a number of good works that you can look at.

00:28:39.460 | But let me move to the second page of your handout

00:28:43.320 | and take a look at man as male and female.

00:28:46.880 | I'm not gonna go through this handout in slavish detail,

00:28:51.080 | but I will make a few points that will be helpful

00:28:54.280 | for the writing of your essay.

00:28:55.840 | So why is this topic so important?

00:28:58.740 | Genesis one, verse 27,

00:29:01.600 | God created man in his own image, in the image of God,

00:29:04.120 | he created him male and female, he created them.

00:29:08.180 | Genesis five, verse one, when God created man,

00:29:10.520 | he made him in the likeness of God, male and female,

00:29:13.560 | he created them and he blessed them

00:29:16.960 | and named them man when they were created.

00:29:21.140 | Pretty simple, right?

00:29:23.120 | I mean, I think it's pretty clear, pretty straightforward.

00:29:27.040 | It's amazing how much confusion there is in our society

00:29:31.760 | over this issue, how you got from male and female,

00:29:36.200 | he created them to the whole mess that we're in

00:29:39.520 | in our society over gender.

00:29:41.820 | I don't know how we got here except for the doctrine of sin

00:29:47.640 | and rejection of the word of God, but here we are.

00:29:52.000 | Would you agree that our society is confused about gender?

00:29:57.720 | I think that this is from an LA Times article

00:30:03.120 | on August 6th, 2015.

00:30:07.360 | It's not on your handout, but let me read this.

00:30:10.040 | It says, "Starting this fall, students applying

00:30:12.560 | to the University of California will have the option

00:30:14.840 | to choose among six gender identities

00:30:19.080 | listed on undergraduate admissions forms.

00:30:22.180 | Male, female, trans male, trans female,

00:30:27.480 | gender, queer, gender non-conforming."

00:30:32.040 | And then the sixth option is just different.

00:30:37.500 | Different identity.

00:30:38.700 | The identity choices official says,

00:30:42.580 | so this is state of California and this is the UC system.

00:30:45.980 | So really smart people run this system,

00:30:50.460 | at least from a secular point of view.

00:30:53.800 | And yet they have a lot of confusion about gender.

00:30:56.740 | The official said that the identity choices are intended

00:30:59.380 | to help serve the student body of each campus.

00:31:04.020 | One spokesman said, "When a university

00:31:06.020 | has better information on their student population,

00:31:08.540 | better decisions can be made without allocating

00:31:10.740 | the resources to support students."

00:31:12.900 | And just a whole lot of confusion on this issue.

00:31:18.980 | And that's five years ago.

00:31:19.940 | I think the choices have possibly expanded since then.

00:31:24.940 | The California education code says that gender means sex

00:31:32.780 | and includes a person's gender identity

00:31:35.580 | and gender expression.

00:31:37.440 | Gender expression means a person's gender related experience

00:31:43.100 | and behavior, whether or not stereotypically associated

00:31:45.700 | with a person's assigned sex at birth.

00:31:49.620 | So the California education code defines gender

00:31:54.340 | as one's chosen subjective self-expression,

00:31:59.760 | not that which is defined by biological sex.

00:32:04.760 | So just a whole lot of confusion on this issue.

00:32:10.160 | And then contrast that to the clear teaching of scripture,

00:32:13.480 | male and female, he created them.

00:32:18.480 | And again, in Genesis five, verse one,

00:32:23.040 | male and female, he created them.

00:32:28.080 | So we have to be clear because society is not clear.

00:32:32.160 | We need to know what we believe

00:32:33.820 | because this is a very muddled in the world that we live in.

00:32:38.820 | So the second issue would be the choice of the church,

00:32:43.640 | the choice of the church.

00:32:45.760 | So we have two viewpoints and this is on your handout,

00:32:48.720 | the viewpoint of egalitarianism.

00:32:51.080 | Egalitarianism would say that male and female

00:32:54.660 | are equal before God in their personhood,

00:32:58.900 | and there are no gender-based distinctions

00:33:01.500 | as to what roles male and female can fulfill

00:33:04.900 | in the family and in the church.

00:33:08.460 | So the basic issue here is egalitarianism would say

00:33:14.740 | that male and female are equal,

00:33:18.740 | therefore they're interchangeable.

00:33:22.060 | There's no gender-based distinctions.

00:33:24.440 | They would argue that gender-based distinctions

00:33:30.780 | are a result of the fall of man into sin.

00:33:33.700 | And therefore, since we are in Christ,

00:33:39.660 | there's either a male or female,

00:33:42.740 | Genesis, Galatians three, verse 28.

00:33:45.660 | And so these gender-based distinctions have been reversed.

00:33:50.660 | They've been reversed through salvation in Christ.

00:33:55.460 | And so that would be the viewpoint of egalitarianism.

00:34:00.460 | Male and female are equal,

00:34:02.820 | and therefore they are interchangeable.

00:34:05.900 | Complementarianism would be the viewpoint

00:34:08.340 | that male and female are equal before God

00:34:10.580 | in terms of dignity, personhood, and value,

00:34:13.460 | and they fulfill complementary roles

00:34:17.340 | in the family and in the church.

00:34:20.800 | So I said, egalitarianism would say

00:34:23.700 | that gender-based distinctions are a result

00:34:26.380 | of the fall of man into sin.

00:34:28.920 | Therefore in Christ, those distinctions are reversed.

00:34:34.140 | Complementarianism teaches that gender-based distinctions

00:34:39.100 | were part of the original created order

00:34:41.540 | and were designed by God

00:34:45.740 | and were pronounced by God in the Genesis account

00:34:48.420 | to be very good.

00:34:49.580 | God looked at all that he had made

00:34:53.700 | and he declared it to be very good.

00:34:57.200 | The gender distinctions of male and female are good.

00:35:02.840 | They're an expression of the goodness of God.

00:35:06.620 | To assault or attack gender-based distinctions

00:35:10.460 | in our day and age is really to argue

00:35:14.820 | against the goodness of God.

00:35:16.860 | I mean, every man should wake up every morning

00:35:21.060 | and say it's good to be a man.

00:35:23.540 | It has biblical warrant to say that.

00:35:25.660 | Every woman should wake up every morning

00:35:28.420 | and say it is good to be a woman.

00:35:30.660 | I mean, that is the implication of Genesis chapter one.

00:35:35.660 | God saw all that he had made

00:35:37.720 | and declared it to be very good.

00:35:41.860 | And so complementarianism teaches

00:35:46.320 | that because gender-based distinctions

00:35:49.820 | were part of the created order,

00:35:52.900 | that salvation in Christ brings a reversal

00:35:59.320 | in the distortion of the roles.

00:36:02.860 | It does not obliterate the distinctions themselves.

00:36:06.360 | And you can read, if you wanna go deeper on this,

00:36:09.720 | you can read Wayne Grudem's

00:36:11.360 | Rediscovering Manhood and Womanhood.

00:36:14.340 | He walks through the arguments that egalitarians make.

00:36:17.860 | And I have a summary of that on your handout.

00:36:20.620 | If you want that more in depth,

00:36:22.020 | you can look at his book,

00:36:23.340 | "Rediscovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood."

00:36:27.500 | But that's the basic argument.

00:36:30.800 | The theological argument is where gender-based,

00:36:36.620 | gender distinctions part of the original created order

00:36:39.540 | or were they a result of the fall of man into sin?

00:36:42.860 | And Grudem does a good job arguing the point

00:36:46.140 | that gender distinctions were part

00:36:48.540 | of the original created order.

00:36:50.260 | By the way, I know we differ a little bit

00:36:53.760 | on some of the chapters

00:36:55.620 | in Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology as ACBC.

00:36:59.820 | But on this particular subject,

00:37:04.220 | I think Grudem has some of the most helpful

00:37:07.220 | materials out there just presenting a complimentarian view

00:37:12.220 | of gender roles and doing that with clarity

00:37:17.220 | and with precision, answering the arguments biblically,

00:37:20.060 | as well as being very balanced

00:37:22.420 | and pastoral in his presentation.

00:37:25.620 | Now, the kindred doctrinal statement

00:37:31.420 | is really lifted from the Danvers statement.

00:37:35.180 | You'll find this exact same language in the Danvers statement

00:37:39.340 | that I gave to you on your Dropbox.

00:37:41.100 | The Danvers statement was a statement written

00:37:44.720 | by the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

00:37:49.140 | And they have a very clear expression

00:37:53.980 | of what we mean by complimentarianism.

00:37:57.980 | Let me read this for you.

00:37:58.980 | They say that, "In the family,

00:38:01.300 | "husbands should forsake false,

00:38:03.180 | "harsh or selfish leadership

00:38:04.680 | "and grow in love and care for their wives.

00:38:07.160 | "Wives should forsake resistance

00:38:08.740 | "to their husband's authority

00:38:10.620 | "and grow in willing, joyful submission

00:38:12.360 | "to their husband's leadership.

00:38:14.640 | "In the church, redemption in Christ

00:38:16.620 | "gives men and women an equal share

00:38:18.080 | "in the blessings of salvation.

00:38:20.200 | "Nevertheless, some governing and teaching roles

00:38:22.740 | "within the church are restricted to men."

00:38:27.560 | Now, on that page there on your handout,

00:38:32.880 | I would just circle the words family and church.

00:38:35.600 | Okay, family and church.

00:38:38.400 | Under the definition of complimentarianism,

00:38:41.500 | they fulfill complimentary roles

00:38:43.760 | in the family and in the church.

00:38:47.860 | And then in the statement from the Danvers statement

00:38:51.300 | on Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood,

00:38:54.060 | the first statement, "In the family,

00:38:55.820 | "husbands should forsake harsh or selfish leadership."

00:38:58.620 | And the second paragraph,

00:38:59.640 | "In the church, redemption in Christ

00:39:01.440 | "gives men and women an equal share

00:39:03.280 | "in the blessings of salvation."

00:39:06.180 | Our understanding of complimentarianism

00:39:08.660 | is that it is restricted to the family and the church.

00:39:14.140 | Those are the two specific applications of gender roles.

00:39:19.140 | It's not the idea that all men have leadership

00:39:25.580 | over all women or all women

00:39:30.260 | should have a submissive attitude to all men.

00:39:34.620 | It's restricted in its application

00:39:37.580 | to the church and to the family.

00:39:40.220 | I remember working with one single brother

00:39:43.420 | in the church many years ago who had this idea

00:39:47.280 | that all women in the church

00:39:49.940 | should have a submissive attitude to him

00:39:53.620 | even though he wasn't married simply because he was a man.

00:39:58.100 | And you can see that, I mean,

00:40:01.460 | the terrible implications of that kind of attitude

00:40:04.680 | and how I as a pastor needed to help him with that to say,

00:40:09.680 | it's not all women need to have

00:40:11.860 | submissive attitude to all men.

00:40:13.540 | It's if you're married,

00:40:14.960 | then your wife is called to submit to you as a leader,

00:40:19.820 | but it's not this general idea.

00:40:23.260 | I think that's more of an Islamic idea

00:40:25.940 | of all women submitting to all men.

00:40:29.380 | I can tell you that when I worked in accounting

00:40:32.820 | at an accounting firm,

00:40:34.620 | I had a manager and a partner who were over me, both female.

00:40:39.620 | And in that context,

00:40:44.180 | God had called me to submit to them

00:40:47.380 | as those who were over me in that company.

00:40:51.380 | And it was a joy to do that.

00:40:54.260 | They were great bosses and that was not a burden at all,

00:40:58.280 | but it's just the family and the church.

00:41:01.300 | I think our definition of complementarianism

00:41:03.540 | would highlight those two applications.

00:41:06.960 | And you wanna be on guard against a widening

00:41:11.860 | of the application to spheres

00:41:14.300 | that are not really addressed by scripture.

00:41:17.840 | I'll go to bat for the church and the family.

00:41:21.420 | I believe that elders are to be men

00:41:25.700 | as qualified and defined by scripture.

00:41:28.180 | I believe that 1 Timothy 2,

00:41:30.420 | that a woman shouldn't preach in mixed settings over men

00:41:35.420 | and exercise authority over them in that way.

00:41:38.180 | I believe that husbands are the head of the home

00:41:41.240 | and that they should love their wives

00:41:44.140 | as Christ loves the church

00:41:45.140 | and that wives should submit to their husbands

00:41:48.920 | as to the Lord.

00:41:50.980 | And aside from that,

00:41:53.420 | I don't have a biblical warrant

00:41:55.380 | to widen the application of complementarianism

00:42:00.380 | to a wider sphere.

00:42:04.460 | And so you just wanna be on guard and careful of that.

00:42:09.100 | It's not that all men everywhere

00:42:11.740 | have authority over all women,

00:42:13.980 | simply by virtue that they are men.

00:42:18.860 | So if you move to, let me move to page three here

00:42:22.140 | and just give you some key truths on complementarianism.

00:42:27.140 | First is that gender is a creation of God.

00:42:31.580 | I think we see that very clear,

00:42:33.060 | male and female made to be distinct.

00:42:35.140 | Male and female are equal but not identical.

00:42:41.220 | We do harm when we seek to eliminate the differences

00:42:45.220 | between male and female.

00:42:48.580 | And male and female are,

00:42:53.020 | were meant to be complimentary.

00:42:56.540 | If you look at the bullet point at the bottom of page three,

00:42:59.900 | Genesis two, verse 18,

00:43:01.300 | then the Lord God said,

00:43:02.820 | it is not good that the man should be alone.

00:43:04.780 | I will make him a helper fit for him.

00:43:08.260 | The Hebrew term Ezer,

00:43:10.100 | a lofty word used to describe God himself.

00:43:12.620 | It's not a demeaning term.

00:43:13.860 | It's just, it's a term of strength.

00:43:17.540 | And it says for Adam,

00:43:20.760 | there was not found a helper fit for him.

00:43:24.740 | So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man.

00:43:27.300 | And while he slept,

00:43:28.140 | took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.

00:43:31.780 | And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man,

00:43:34.280 | he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

00:43:36.420 | And the man said, this at last is bone of my bones

00:43:39.460 | and flesh of my flesh.

00:43:40.340 | He shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.

00:43:43.880 | Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother

00:43:46.220 | and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

00:43:51.220 | So beautiful creation of God,

00:43:54.500 | male and female made to be complimentary.

00:43:58.340 | If you move to the next page there on page four,

00:44:03.100 | Richard Davison writes,

00:44:04.300 | by building Eve from one of Adam's ribs,

00:44:07.020 | God appears to be indicating the mutual relationship,

00:44:10.100 | the singleness of life,

00:44:11.820 | inseparable unity in which men and women are joined.

00:44:15.360 | The rib means solidarity and equality.

00:44:17.740 | The phrase bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh

00:44:20.140 | indicates that the person described

00:44:21.580 | is as close as one's body.

00:44:24.020 | It denotes physical oneness and a commonality

00:44:26.540 | of concern, loyalty, and responsibility.

00:44:30.420 | And as Peter Lombard has written,

00:44:31.820 | Eve was not taken from the feet of Adam to be a slave,

00:44:34.980 | nor from his head to be his ruler,

00:44:36.860 | but from his side to be his beloved partner.

00:44:40.980 | The distinction of male and female

00:44:43.660 | is declared to be very good.

00:44:45.980 | Genesis one verse 31,

00:44:47.980 | God saw everything that he had made and behold,

00:44:50.460 | it was very good and there was evening

00:44:52.340 | and there was morning the sixth day.

00:44:55.820 | So if you look down on page four to letter B,

00:45:00.780 | you see there that a distinction in roles

00:45:03.540 | is intrinsic to the nature of God himself

00:45:06.060 | and therefore part of the image of God.

00:45:08.660 | That was my purpose in reviewing in our devotional,

00:45:11.700 | the persons of the Trinity, father, son, and Holy Spirit.

00:45:16.700 | Each person is fully God,

00:45:18.820 | yet there are not three gods, but one God.

00:45:21.840 | And if you move to the next page,

00:45:27.060 | you find those terms ontological equality,

00:45:29.900 | which means equality of essence.

00:45:32.580 | The father is equal to the son in terms of essence,

00:45:35.120 | attributes and nature of divinity,

00:45:37.940 | and then economic subordination

00:45:40.620 | in terms of function, role, or activity.

00:45:42.760 | The persons of the Trinity differ

00:45:45.440 | in how they relate to each other and to creation.

00:45:50.060 | So moving to the box on page five,

00:45:57.020 | if equality and submission are both intrinsic

00:45:59.940 | to the nature of God as a Trinity

00:46:01.820 | and man is made in the image of God after his likeness,

00:46:05.180 | then we would expect to see some type of distinction

00:46:09.340 | in role between male and female.

00:46:12.940 | And that is exactly what we do find,

00:46:15.100 | 1 Corinthians 11, verse three.

00:46:17.140 | "But I want you to understand

00:46:18.460 | "that the head of every man is Christ,

00:46:20.280 | "the head of a wife is her husband,

00:46:21.900 | "and the head of Christ is God."

00:46:26.220 | Head means authority in verse three.

00:46:29.820 | Grudem does a great job defending that.

00:46:32.840 | There's been kind of attacks on that teaching.

00:46:37.660 | Some would wanna redefine the term head,

00:46:40.860 | meaning source, instead of authority,

00:46:43.760 | but it's pretty clear in 1 Corinthians 11, verse three,

00:46:47.100 | that the head of every man is Christ,

00:46:49.100 | and that means authority.

00:46:50.400 | The head of Christ is God, that means authority as well.

00:46:54.740 | And then the head of a wife is her husband.

00:46:57.340 | Some would say in 1 Corinthians 11, verse three,

00:47:00.700 | that that's talking about a cultural issue

00:47:05.440 | that was relevant to the early church,

00:47:08.520 | but it's not relevant today.

00:47:11.000 | And I would just walk you through this in saying,

00:47:14.240 | you know, that first statement,

00:47:15.280 | the head of every man is Christ,

00:47:17.900 | I mean, we just asked the question,

00:47:20.040 | is that a cultural statement?

00:47:22.160 | I think that's a theological statement, not a cultural one,

00:47:28.000 | that the authority of every man is Christ.

00:47:32.680 | That's not just relevant to the first century early church,

00:47:36.980 | that's relevant to all peoples everywhere.

00:47:41.600 | And if you look at the third statement,

00:47:43.160 | the head of Christ is God,

00:47:45.200 | and that's talking about the relationship

00:47:47.160 | of God the Father and God the Son.

00:47:51.320 | We would also have to conclude

00:47:52.280 | that's not a cultural statement,

00:47:53.720 | that's not just something that was relevant

00:47:55.480 | to the early church,

00:47:57.400 | that's relevant to people everywhere in all times.

00:48:03.360 | And so how do you take that middle statement,

00:48:08.000 | the head of a wife is her husband,

00:48:09.920 | and conclude that that's a cultural statement

00:48:13.560 | that was only applicable to the early church?

00:48:18.560 | If we're consistent and we say

00:48:21.200 | that the top statement is universal,

00:48:25.920 | and the bottom statement is a universal truth,

00:48:29.760 | then we have to be consistent

00:48:32.640 | and just interpret the verse in its context.

00:48:35.920 | And we have no warrant to take that second statement

00:48:38.140 | and make that into a cultural statement

00:48:41.740 | that's not applicable to every generation.

00:48:44.860 | The head of a wife is her husband,

00:48:48.560 | that's talking about the same concept

00:48:51.560 | of as the first and third statements,

00:48:55.100 | head means authority,

00:48:58.080 | and 1 Corinthians 11 goes on

00:48:59.880 | and talks about head coverings

00:49:03.800 | and just the symbol of authority

00:49:07.400 | that they were in that day.

00:49:09.720 | And I'm not gonna be able to get into that subject tonight

00:49:14.720 | with the five minutes I have remaining,

00:49:18.080 | but it is a worthy study.

00:49:21.560 | But it goes back to verse three

00:49:23.800 | that the head of a wife is her husband.

00:49:27.760 | So I have a summary there of Wayne Grudem's,

00:49:30.320 | how he deals with the topic of egalitarianism

00:49:35.720 | versus complementarianism.

00:49:38.360 | Okay, let me walk through some counseling scenarios

00:49:43.920 | and just try to whet your appetite

00:49:46.280 | for how this is practical in counseling.

00:49:49.800 | I think this was something that was,

00:49:53.520 | some scenarios I'll walk through with me

00:49:55.560 | from Dr. Robert Jones

00:49:57.600 | of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

00:50:00.400 | I'm just talking through,

00:50:01.640 | how do we see complementarianism gender roles

00:50:06.120 | show up in the counseling room and counseling ministry,

00:50:11.040 | and how do we address those things biblically?

00:50:13.840 | Well, you have some husbands who,

00:50:18.280 | I mean, let's just face it, they're tyrants, okay?

00:50:21.660 | They've taken this whole idea of headship

00:50:24.880 | and they've divorced it from the biblical context.

00:50:29.880 | They don't see headship as an opportunity

00:50:33.920 | to express Christ-like servanthood

00:50:36.040 | and Christ-like sacrificial love.

00:50:41.040 | They're taking kind of this military context

00:50:44.760 | of being the authority

00:50:47.680 | and then bringing that to their homes.

00:50:52.960 | And so they're the commander

00:50:55.100 | of their wives and their children.

00:50:58.820 | And so they're tyrants, they're the big boss at home.

00:51:03.820 | I'm the head of the home

00:51:06.700 | and that means everybody needs to do what I say.

00:51:10.460 | I think you know what I'm talking about there,

00:51:14.120 | and we know that situation that shows up often.

00:51:19.120 | But then you have on the other side,

00:51:22.600 | the other extreme on the right-hand side,

00:51:24.340 | husbands who are passive.

00:51:26.560 | And so they never take leadership.

00:51:30.200 | It's a let go, let God type of issue.

00:51:39.280 | They don't find jobs.

00:51:41.100 | They don't think of ways to improve the lot of the family.

00:51:45.480 | They don't think of ways to shepherd their wives.

00:51:48.520 | There's many ways that this shows up.

00:51:51.040 | And I don't mean passive in terms of personality,

00:51:53.920 | I mean passive spiritually,

00:51:56.680 | passive in terms of their leadership role.

00:52:01.000 | I've seen husbands who have very quiet personalities,

00:52:04.120 | but man, they're leaders in the home.

00:52:06.740 | They know how to lead their wives

00:52:08.080 | and they know how to lead their kids

00:52:09.540 | and their kids respect them.

00:52:11.720 | And then I've seen husbands who are very loud

00:52:16.920 | and kind of very outgoing personalities

00:52:20.280 | and yet spiritually, they're very passive at home

00:52:23.920 | and they don't know how to lead their wives

00:52:25.800 | and lead their children.

00:52:26.680 | So it's not a personality issue of loud versus quiet.

00:52:30.360 | It really is taking spiritual leadership

00:52:34.240 | versus being spiritually passive.

00:52:36.840 | So you have these two extremes

00:52:38.720 | and then you've got this whole spectrum

00:52:40.480 | of everything in between, okay?

00:52:42.400 | So you have husbands who gravitate more to the left

00:52:47.220 | where they're just gravitate more toward cold authority.

00:52:51.500 | And then you have husbands that gravitate more to the right

00:52:56.000 | and really take a passive role in their homes.

00:53:01.000 | And that's just sort of some categories

00:53:07.300 | to put some counseling scenarios in.

00:53:10.700 | And then what about the wives?

00:53:13.180 | So you have on one hand down at the bottom left,

00:53:18.180 | you have wives that are dominant.

00:53:21.740 | So let's just face it.

00:53:22.780 | We have women who they have taken authority in their homes.

00:53:27.780 | And again, it's not a personality issue.

00:53:32.000 | I have seen wives who are very outgoing and vivacious

00:53:37.000 | and just personality wise,

00:53:43.100 | they are louder than their husbands are.

00:53:46.000 | But spiritually speaking,

00:53:49.500 | they are submitted to their husbands

00:53:52.260 | and they follow his leadership and vice versa.

00:53:56.180 | So this is not a personality type.

00:53:58.660 | This is a spiritual issue.

00:53:59.900 | You have wives that really are taking leadership

00:54:04.540 | of their homes.

00:54:05.380 | You see, I mean, you hear wives say,

00:54:10.020 | well, he's not leading.

00:54:11.060 | So somebody needs to lead.

00:54:13.100 | And so I'm gonna do it and other things as well.

00:54:17.780 | And so you have that on the left-hand side.

00:54:20.060 | And then you have on the right-hand side,

00:54:22.660 | and we can use the word doormat.

00:54:24.060 | I think the Denver statement has the word servile,

00:54:28.480 | not biblical submission,

00:54:32.620 | which is strength that is submitted to God-given authority.

00:54:40.900 | If you look at the Proverbs 31 woman,

00:54:42.820 | she was not a doormat.

00:54:44.080 | She was not servile.

00:54:46.700 | I mean, she was strong.

00:54:47.860 | It says even her arms were strong,

00:54:50.040 | spiritually strong, physically strong.

00:54:53.280 | She ran a business.

00:54:54.860 | She invested money.

00:54:57.060 | She had spheres of authority.

00:54:59.820 | Why spheres of authority?

00:55:01.240 | I mean, I always get very concerned

00:55:04.280 | when I see husbands who have to make

00:55:06.860 | every single decision in the home.

00:55:10.180 | That's not the Proverbs 31 woman.

00:55:13.460 | She had wide spheres of authority

00:55:17.740 | that were submitted to her husband, to be sure.

00:55:19.940 | But she considered a field and bought it.

00:55:24.940 | Doesn't say that she asked her husband if she could buy it.

00:55:30.380 | I mean, there was just freedom there.

00:55:32.540 | And when you see that in healthy, godly marriages,

00:55:35.100 | you see this trust and this built up respect

00:55:40.100 | where a wife is submitted to her husband's authority,

00:55:42.980 | but has wide spheres of authority herself

00:55:47.620 | that she can run in.

00:55:50.180 | So the Proverbs 31 woman was not a doormat.

00:55:54.300 | But you have these extremes.

00:55:56.060 | So counseling scenarios, this is just practical.

00:55:59.240 | I'm not gonna go to Matt for this

00:56:02.460 | in terms of defending the biblical exegesis of this.

00:56:06.340 | But I think it was helpful for me to think through,

00:56:08.980 | and hopefully it's helpful for you as well.

00:56:11.260 | First, so you have that spectrum as well

00:56:14.500 | in the middle between dominant and doormat.

00:56:18.260 | So first scenario is what do you have

00:56:21.520 | when you have a husband who's a tyrant

00:56:23.800 | married to a wife who is dominant?

00:56:31.580 | What do you have there?

00:56:33.380 | Well, you can, I mean, you can imagine.

00:56:37.260 | You've got a whole lot of conflict

00:56:39.980 | in that type of scenario.

00:56:42.740 | So I just put, kaboom, you've got some explosiveness there.

00:56:47.740 | If not harnessed by the Spirit of God,

00:56:53.340 | if not brought under biblical submission,

00:56:57.100 | you're gonna have a lot of conflict

00:56:58.640 | in that type of situation.

00:57:01.480 | What do you have in the second scenario

00:57:06.520 | where you have a passive husband

00:57:08.080 | married to a wife who is a doormat or servile?

00:57:13.080 | You have a marriage that's not really going anywhere

00:57:19.320 | and a marriage in need of the husband

00:57:24.220 | to take biblical initiative.

00:57:28.260 | And then you can look at the different scenarios here.

00:57:33.260 | You have a husband who's a tyrant

00:57:35.220 | married to a wife who's a doormat.

00:57:38.760 | So he's calling the shots.

00:57:43.060 | And then you've got this other scenario here,

00:57:45.760 | a wife who's dominant married to a husband who's passive.

00:57:48.660 | Remember, this is a spectrum,

00:57:49.760 | so we see everything that's in between.

00:57:53.860 | Now, so the question is, I mean,

00:57:55.660 | those are just some counseling scenarios

00:57:57.180 | that you might come across.

00:57:58.780 | And the question would be,

00:58:00.460 | how does a biblical understanding of complementarianism

00:58:03.220 | address these counseling scenarios?

00:58:07.060 | Well, the standard is Christ.

00:58:09.740 | I mean, in the end, the standard is Christ.

00:58:12.900 | Both a husband who's a tyrant

00:58:14.940 | and a husband who is passive

00:58:16.700 | need to become more like Christ.

00:58:18.660 | Both a wife who is dominant

00:58:21.460 | and a wife who is a doormat need to become like Christ.

00:58:26.500 | And when you have a husband who becomes more like Christ,

00:58:31.240 | what you see is that the husband

00:58:34.060 | is neither a tyrant nor passive,

00:58:37.220 | but develops a loving servant leadership.

00:58:39.940 | He leads, but it is a Christ-like leadership.

00:58:44.500 | It is a leadership that exercises self and love.

00:58:48.540 | It is a leadership that gives up its rights

00:58:51.740 | and its privileges on behalf of his wife.

00:58:54.740 | It's a love that nourishes and cherishes.

00:58:57.820 | First Peter three, verse seven,

00:58:59.740 | which is my most frequently used verse

00:59:05.960 | when I counsel husbands,

00:59:08.660 | I live with your wife in an understanding way.

00:59:11.840 | I should use that verse more than I use Ephesians five,

00:59:16.940 | because men, I think that's really practically

00:59:20.000 | where they're at.

00:59:20.840 | They don't know how to understand their wives.

00:59:23.940 | They don't know how to listen to their wives

00:59:27.120 | and minister in a way that shows understanding.

00:59:31.260 | And most wives don't want their husbands

00:59:34.240 | to fix all the problems.

00:59:35.420 | They just want their husband to live with them

00:59:38.740 | in an understanding way.

00:59:40.660 | And that's what first Peter three, seven calls for.

00:59:43.480 | So you have a husband who becomes more like Christ

00:59:46.700 | and he develops this loving servant leadership.

00:59:51.180 | And then you have a wife who is not dominant

00:59:56.020 | and who is not a doormat,

00:59:58.260 | but who exercises an intelligent, joyful submission.

01:00:02.780 | Again, the standard is Christ.

01:00:05.340 | Christ was not a doormat.

01:00:07.220 | Christ was strength under control.

01:00:11.880 | It was strength that was submitted to his father

01:00:18.380 | in joyful submission.

01:00:22.020 | And you have a husband and wife moving

01:00:26.700 | toward this middle ground in both cases.

01:00:30.500 | Now, in that case, when you have a loving servant leadership

01:00:34.320 | combined with intelligent, joyful submission,

01:00:37.660 | you have a biblical marriage.

01:00:39.700 | You have both husband and wife living

01:00:44.660 | according to their God-given roles.

01:00:48.380 | And you have this beautiful complimentary relationship

01:00:53.380 | that respects each other as full equals

01:01:00.180 | in terms of dignity and worth,

01:01:05.060 | and yet playing different roles.

01:01:06.980 | You have Christ likeness on both sides,

01:01:11.180 | one exercising a Christ-like sacrificial love,

01:01:14.140 | the other exercising a Christ-like submission.

01:01:18.500 | And you have a wonderful expression

01:01:23.500 | of the fruit of the spirit,

01:01:24.940 | both by husband and by the wife.

01:01:28.580 | Practically speaking, what this means for me

01:01:31.300 | when I counsel with married couples,

01:01:34.440 | rarely do I go to roles as the first order business.

01:01:42.100 | So if the husband is walking in the flesh

01:01:47.100 | and the wife is walking in the flesh,

01:01:51.620 | and they're both being selfish,

01:01:53.100 | and they're both not being filled with the spirit,

01:01:55.860 | they're both not forgiving each other

01:01:57.820 | or respecting each other.

01:01:59.500 | And I just come in, in my first counseling session,

01:02:02.660 | I say to the husband, "Well, you need to lead."

01:02:04.980 | And I say to the wife, "You need to submit."

01:02:09.060 | I'm not gonna get anywhere with that couple.

01:02:12.040 | And both are gonna take, first of all,

01:02:16.540 | they're gonna listen to what I'm telling the other person,

01:02:19.460 | because the husband is gonna say, "Yeah,

01:02:22.500 | so you need to submit."

01:02:23.420 | And the wife's gonna say to the husband,

01:02:24.620 | "Yeah, you need to lead."

01:02:26.920 | And they're both just gonna exercise that

01:02:28.560 | in a fleshly, selfish way.

01:02:31.460 | So rarely do I go to that as a first order business.

01:02:34.700 | I really don't get into roles until I see forgiveness

01:02:39.380 | starting to flow between husband and wife,

01:02:41.700 | until I start to see the fruit of the spirit,

01:02:44.120 | a merciful, gracious attitude toward each other.

01:02:48.420 | It's as you're working on those general ideas

01:02:51.300 | of just submission to the word, submission to the Lord,

01:02:54.460 | of being humble toward one another,

01:02:57.140 | and you start to see those things to grow,

01:02:59.040 | then you can introduce a distinction of roles,

01:03:02.940 | because now they're going to embrace that in a godly way.

01:03:06.500 | But be careful of,

01:03:08.620 | I think that's a caricature of biblical counseling,

01:03:10.560 | is the husband and wife comes in for biblical counseling,

01:03:14.540 | and we just tell the husband to lead

01:03:16.900 | and the wife to submit.

01:03:17.980 | Rarely does that yield good fruit.

01:03:21.540 | So those are some counseling scenarios to think through

01:03:23.900 | in relation to the subject.

01:03:25.060 | I hope that's helpful for your study.

01:03:28.640 | Okay, what I'm gonna do is, I'm out of time,

01:03:32.580 | so I'm going to pray for us,

01:03:34.380 | and you can be free to leave.

01:03:36.940 | Thank you again for joining us this time.

01:03:38.360 | I'll hang around for five, 10 minutes.

01:03:39.740 | If you have any questions,

01:03:40.620 | I'll be happy to answer that according to the essays

01:03:44.380 | or anything else that I could help with.

01:03:47.340 | But thank you again for joining us,

01:03:48.900 | and we're just blessed by your faithful study.

01:03:53.700 | I pray that this is a help to you,

01:03:55.160 | and that you'll continue to grow

01:03:57.660 | in the knowledge of God's word.

01:03:59.460 | So let me pray for us.

01:04:02.320 | Father, we do pray this for our churches

01:04:04.320 | and for our families, for our marriages.

01:04:06.580 | We just do pray that,

01:04:09.060 | Father, you would fill us with the fruit of your spirit,

01:04:12.620 | and that the roles that you have assigned

01:04:16.580 | in the family and in the church would not be a burden,

01:04:21.360 | would not be exercised in a fleshly manner

01:04:25.120 | or a selfish manner,

01:04:27.040 | but Lord, that there would be the true fruit of Christ

01:04:30.540 | in each of our lives.

01:04:33.380 | Lord, none of us can study these things

01:04:36.120 | without being convicted ourselves.

01:04:39.000 | Father, we need to change.

01:04:41.160 | Lord, I think of the authorities

01:04:44.640 | that you have placed over me,

01:04:46.960 | and just, Lord, how many times my submission

01:04:51.380 | is not a heartfelt submission, a joyful submission,

01:04:56.320 | but is a grudging, complaining type of submission.

01:05:01.180 | And Lord, I believe that's true of all of us,

01:05:05.540 | that we need to grow in our submission to you,

01:05:10.400 | our submission to your word.

01:05:12.560 | And Lord, as we grow in those graces,

01:05:15.740 | that we can call others to submit in their spheres of roles

01:05:20.740 | and where you have placed them,

01:05:24.580 | for we are models of that ourselves.

01:05:26.220 | So I just pray that that would be the fruit of our study.

01:05:30.100 | I pray that you would help my brothers and sisters

01:05:32.660 | to continue to work hard and to read,

01:05:37.660 | to think, to write, to clarify in their own mind

01:05:41.780 | what they believe.

01:05:43.140 | Just pray that you would bless this study

01:05:47.320 | and bring much fruit from this time

01:05:49.860 | that would abound to your glory.

01:05:51.140 | We thank you again and pray this in Jesus' name, amen.

01:05:54.980 | - All right, amen.

01:05:57.380 | God bless you all.

01:05:58.300 | Thanks for being here.

01:06:00.240 | If you have any questions, feel free to use the chat

01:06:02.300 | and I'll try my best to answer them.

01:06:05.740 | Otherwise, we will see you next Sunday at five o'clock.

01:06:10.740 | So God bless you guys.

01:06:12.520 | and I'll try my best to answer them.

01:06:17.520 | - Yes, so we had a question that came in.

01:06:33.580 | Practically, what kind of homework would you give

01:06:35.560 | a married couple that is not following their roles?

01:06:39.660 | Should marriage counseling be counseled by a married couple?

01:06:42.660 | Great question.

01:06:44.080 | I think my general approach has been

01:06:49.620 | to get through the principles of peacemaking

01:06:55.420 | before I get into roles.

01:06:58.100 | So I would go from Robert Jones' "Pursuing Peace,"

01:07:02.680 | which talks about the principles of peacemaking

01:07:07.420 | before I went to "Strengthening Your Marriage" by Wayne Mack.

01:07:11.520 | Probably in a marriage counseling situation,

01:07:13.340 | that would be the order I would follow.

01:07:17.940 | I've just seen that happen where once you get into roles

01:07:24.140 | and you haven't dealt with those issues of the heart,

01:07:26.540 | of humility and forgiveness and loving one another,

01:07:32.900 | then, I mean, you've heard it.

01:07:36.680 | It's actually true that people go to marriage seminars

01:07:40.740 | and where the roles of husband and wife are preached

01:07:44.820 | and the wife takes really good notes

01:07:46.920 | of what the husband should be doing

01:07:48.140 | and the husband takes really good notes

01:07:49.540 | of what the wife should be doing.

01:07:50.720 | And now they've just got more ammo to judge each other.

01:07:55.720 | And so you really wanna deal with those heart issues,

01:07:59.440 | the general heart issues of just humility, forgiveness,

01:08:02.700 | servanthood, and then if those things are in place,

01:08:07.180 | then I think "Strengthening Your Marriage" by Wayne Mack

01:08:10.420 | is a great introduction to roles.

01:08:15.020 | He's got a great chapter on the husband's responsibilities

01:08:18.360 | and the wife's responsibilities.

01:08:20.620 | And then Stuart Scott's "The Exemplary Husband,"

01:08:25.620 | as well as Martha Peace's "The Excellent Wife."

01:08:32.100 | I would give those in bite-sized pieces.

01:08:33.960 | I think that's a lot to, you know,

01:08:36.900 | you could really overwhelm a counselee

01:08:39.960 | if you assign the entire thing, but, you know,

01:08:42.180 | bite-sized pieces, I'll use the chapter

01:08:45.240 | from Stuart Scott's book.

01:08:47.580 | He has one chapter on 1 Peter 3, 7,

01:08:50.820 | living with your wife in an understanding way.

01:08:53.260 | And I'll just assign that chapter

01:08:54.700 | and really just hit that issue

01:08:57.020 | because I find that that's a very common issue

01:08:59.660 | is husbands have a hard time listening to their wives

01:09:03.500 | and really understanding them.

01:09:05.960 | And so there's listening to fix the problem

01:09:09.740 | and then listening to understand.

01:09:11.140 | And most of us husbands try to listen to fix the problem

01:09:15.380 | instead of listening to understand our wife's perspective.

01:09:20.380 | So those are some of the homework.

01:09:23.880 | I never counsel anyone in marriage counseling

01:09:28.620 | where I'm not convicted myself

01:09:30.380 | of things that I need to grow and change in.

01:09:32.580 | So those are, that's kind of the joy

01:09:35.820 | and also the double-edged sword of biblical counseling

01:09:39.060 | is you give out God's word

01:09:40.640 | and you're also convicted yourself.

01:09:42.780 | So great question.

01:09:45.280 | Another question came in.

01:09:48.540 | How do you help them counsel to see growth in other areas

01:09:51.760 | before they focus on leading and submitting roles?

01:09:55.360 | Yeah, great question.

01:09:57.980 | I mean, the first, practically speaking,

01:10:00.380 | the first thing is forgiveness.

01:10:02.340 | I mean, you have to have forgiveness

01:10:04.300 | in a marriage counseling situation.

01:10:06.100 | Forgiveness because what that does

01:10:12.100 | is it gives the husband and wife space to change.

01:10:16.720 | If you don't have forgiveness

01:10:19.620 | and they're not taught in the principles of forgiveness,

01:10:22.900 | unconditional forgiveness,

01:10:24.660 | heartfelt forgiveness that's not dependent

01:10:27.740 | upon the other person's repentance,

01:10:31.020 | as well as conditional forgiveness,

01:10:33.700 | forgiveness that reconciles when the other person repents,

01:10:38.700 | then you're not gonna have space in the relationship

01:10:45.780 | to really grow and change.

01:10:48.200 | And so the first thing is forgiveness.

01:10:50.940 | And then the second thing I would go to is humility.

01:10:54.360 | Stuart Scott has a great chapter in his book,

01:10:58.020 | "The Exemplary Husband" on pride and humility.

01:11:02.620 | And then he's got this checklist of,

01:11:04.860 | I think it's 50 or something like that,

01:11:08.540 | 50 ways to know that you're proud

01:11:10.380 | and the 50 ways to know that you're humble

01:11:12.060 | and you're supposed to go through it

01:11:12.980 | and you're supposed to evaluate yourself.

01:11:14.440 | And then if you're really humble,

01:11:16.320 | you have your wife evaluate you on those issues.

01:11:20.220 | I don't know how you get through that questionnaire

01:11:22.180 | without just being convicted of your sin.

01:11:25.180 | I always give that to guys and just warn them,

01:11:29.980 | beware, conviction is coming.

01:11:32.800 | But if you have forgiveness and humility in place,

01:11:37.300 | and then you've got some gracious attitudes,

01:11:42.300 | I think in Bible believing churches like ours

01:11:45.220 | that hold to a high view of scripture,

01:11:47.820 | you can have a lot of couples who hear these things

01:11:50.380 | in a legalistic way.

01:11:51.840 | And they really harshly judge their spouses

01:11:57.780 | for failing to meet these standards.

01:12:02.880 | And so Dave Harvey's book,

01:12:05.960 | I think it's called, "What Did You Expect?"

01:12:08.060 | He's got a book on marriage.

01:12:10.140 | The name is escaping me right now,

01:12:11.860 | but I think it's, "What Did You Expect?"

01:12:13.900 | No, that's Paul Tripp's book.

01:12:16.740 | Anyway, Dave Harvey has another book,

01:12:18.540 | "Married to Another Sinner" or something like that.

01:12:21.980 | But that's a book that really we use in counseling

01:12:26.880 | just to, yes, "When Sinners Say I Do."

01:12:29.180 | Excellent, thank you.

01:12:30.220 | He's got an excellent, that's a book we use

01:12:34.380 | when we see that legalistic attitude

01:12:37.360 | that's really harshly judging the other spouse.

01:12:41.740 | Our counselors will use "When Sinners Say I Do"

01:12:44.420 | because he gets more into the issues of grace

01:12:49.060 | and mercy and kindness in the relationship.

01:12:54.060 | Doesn't talk about roles too much.

01:12:56.880 | I mean, I don't think he talks about roles at all,

01:13:00.260 | if I remember it correctly,

01:13:01.700 | but he really gets after those legalistic,

01:13:04.740 | prideful attitudes.

01:13:06.940 | And we just found that if those legalistic,

01:13:09.020 | prideful attitudes in marriage exist

01:13:11.100 | and you go straight to roles,

01:13:13.860 | you're pouring fuel on the fire.

01:13:16.720 | They just got more ammo now to judge

01:13:19.540 | and criticize each other.

01:13:20.820 | So you gotta get after humility, grace,

01:13:23.340 | kindness, forgiveness.

01:13:25.020 | Those are all just general things.

01:13:26.580 | And then when you see that, you can grow,

01:13:29.900 | you can teach roles on top.

01:13:32.140 | And that's a general approach.

01:13:34.660 | You think through that on your own.

01:13:36.460 | That was a general approach taught to me

01:13:37.840 | by Robert Jones at Southern Seminary.

01:13:40.620 | I've thought through that and put that into practice

01:13:44.300 | and found that that's helped change my marital counseling.

01:13:49.300 | I think in the early days in marital counseling,

01:13:53.420 | I would go straight to roles and you need to submit

01:13:57.620 | and you need to lead.

01:13:59.380 | And really a lot of it backfired

01:14:01.860 | and I was wondering why.

01:14:03.260 | I think 'cause, oh, you gotta actually help people

01:14:07.020 | be like Jesus and be humble before you do that.

01:14:10.180 | So, great question.

01:14:12.500 | Another question came in.

01:14:14.860 | There's a lot of needed teaching on roles

01:14:16.740 | during premarital counseling.

01:14:18.060 | What resource do you use for premarital counseling?

01:14:20.860 | Yeah, each of our pastors do premarital counseling.

01:14:27.500 | We do it a little bit differently.

01:14:30.180 | Wayne Mac's "Strengthening Your Marriage"

01:14:33.340 | is one of my go-tos on marital counseling

01:14:36.220 | just 'cause it really hits a number of those issues.

01:14:41.220 | I think that John Piper's "A Momentary Marriage"

01:14:46.220 | is a very good resource just that it highlights

01:14:51.860 | the one flesh relationship,

01:14:53.480 | the permanence of the one flesh relationship.

01:14:55.400 | I think that's really necessary for premarital.

01:14:57.700 | I think most people are not thinking

01:15:00.540 | of their marital covenant too seriously

01:15:02.940 | and he just has a way of sobering you up

01:15:04.620 | of this is the reality of what it is.

01:15:07.380 | And those are some resources.

01:15:10.860 | And then "Pursuing Peace," I give that to everyone

01:15:13.620 | who's getting married and I just let 'em know

01:15:16.860 | whether you think you need this or not,

01:15:18.820 | you're gonna thank me later 'cause that's a great resource

01:15:22.740 | on just conflict resolution.

01:15:25.380 | Those are three good works that I would go to

01:15:28.460 | and then just talking through those issues.

01:15:33.660 | Wayne Mack's book is a little,

01:15:35.460 | the homework there is a little much

01:15:37.940 | but if a couple can get through it

01:15:39.860 | then I think they'll be ready to get married, so.

01:15:43.220 | Wonderful, great questions.

01:15:47.980 | So hope this helped.

01:15:50.660 | "Book titles and authors."

01:15:53.180 | Yes, I will do that.

01:15:54.620 | Excellent.

01:15:55.460 | Okay.

01:15:58.300 | Well, hey, God bless you guys.

01:16:01.740 | Thank you so much for your faithfulness.

01:16:04.460 | We're encouraged at your study and your faithfulness.

01:16:07.540 | Hope you have a great week.

ACBC Theology Exam 11 - Man as Male and Female

Chapters