My Prodigal Left Home â Should I Give Him Money?
00:00:00.000 | Welcome back to the podcast.
00:00:05.360 | We have a lot of questions from parents of prodigals, and those parents want to walk
00:00:11.200 | wisely, as you can imagine, Pastor John.
00:00:13.760 | Dennis is a father.
00:00:15.080 | He writes in to us to ask this.
00:00:16.600 | Pastor John, thank you for this podcast.
00:00:18.120 | I have a 16-year-old prodigal son who has left our home and walked away from Christ.
00:00:23.480 | I struggle to know whether I should generously financially support him in the world like
00:00:27.280 | the father in the prodigal son's story, or unlike what it seems Eli should have done,
00:00:34.120 | should I take a more strict position in relating to my rebellious son?
00:00:38.560 | The prodigal was given his inheritance.
00:00:40.200 | He blew it on lewd living and returned home in repentance.
00:00:44.640 | Eli's sons were wicked.
00:00:45.920 | They lived in all sorts of sin that was unchecked and unrepented of, and they died for it.
00:00:51.640 | Abundant grace or strict restraint?
00:00:54.480 | What should the father of a prodigal do, especially in regards to finances?
00:00:58.000 | Well, I love the way he has already thought a lot about this and thought about it from
00:01:04.440 | the Scriptures.
00:01:05.440 | And frankly, I don'tâI wish I had precise and clear answers.
00:01:15.560 | But let me say what I do have, and maybe the Lord will use it in some way.
00:01:22.720 | One of the things that makes a relationship with a prodigal so difficult and complex is
00:01:29.360 | the interplay between passages of the Bible concerning church discipline and passages
00:01:37.720 | concerning parenting.
00:01:40.560 | One of the hard church discipline issues is that on the one hand, we have a call, for
00:01:47.400 | example, not even to eat with someone who's a professing believer and living in immorality,
00:01:52.560 | and on the other hand, normal expectations of what godly parenting is that might make
00:01:58.280 | that kind of guideline very difficult to carry through.
00:02:03.040 | And there are many other kinds of ambiguities as we try to sort through the special role
00:02:10.800 | of a parent in the life of a child who will not submit to his parents' authority any
00:02:16.280 | longer or doesn't believe any longer in what the parents believe.
00:02:21.840 | So with regard to financial help for a prodigal, I can't see that there is just one rule
00:02:30.720 | that applies to every situation.
00:02:32.560 | It seems to me that there are so many factors that make a difference.
00:02:37.240 | How old is he?
00:02:38.880 | How serious is his sinful behavior?
00:02:42.160 | And what are the effects of it on others and the harmfulness of it on himself?
00:02:48.960 | Are there elements of respect remaining in his heart?
00:02:53.440 | Is there departure?
00:02:56.680 | Was his departure ugly, rebellion, or just a more honest difference of conviction?
00:03:04.860 | Is he eager to get on his own feet financially, or is he just aimless and simply mooching
00:03:11.920 | and on and on?
00:03:12.920 | The questions go that seem to me we'd have to ask.
00:03:16.880 | And the reason I think these questions matter is because they are the sort of thing we have
00:03:22.440 | to ask about all of our generosity towards others, especially those who mistreat us.
00:03:28.160 | I'm thinking of Jesus' words in Matthew 5:38, "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye
00:03:34.160 | for an eye and a truth for a tooth.'
00:03:36.520 | And I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil, but if anyone slaps you on the right
00:03:43.360 | cheek, turn to him the other also.
00:03:46.820 | If anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.
00:03:52.720 | If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
00:03:58.180 | Give to the one who begs from you.
00:04:00.620 | Do not refuse the one who would borrow from you."
00:04:03.120 | So that's Matthew 5, 38 to 42.
00:04:05.720 | And as radical as those are, and I'll circle back to that radicalness in just a minute,
00:04:11.200 | it is plain that from the Bible itself that there are structures of society, seers of
00:04:17.840 | society where the Bible puts limits on those teachings.
00:04:22.920 | For example, in the family, children should obey their parents and parents should discipline
00:04:29.200 | their children rather than always turning the other cheek.
00:04:33.520 | In government, the state has a right to punish criminals rather than turning the other cheek.
00:04:38.400 | In schools, teachers have a right to give failing grades to students who don't do their
00:04:42.600 | work.
00:04:43.920 | In businesses, employers have the right to see that employees fulfill their expectations
00:04:49.100 | in order to earn their salary, otherwise they could lose their jobs.
00:04:52.700 | In the church, people can be excommunicated.
00:04:55.560 | But when all those spheres of life are taken into consideration, Jesus did mean something
00:05:03.360 | radical when he said, "If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other
00:05:08.840 | also."
00:05:09.840 | And when he said, "Give to the one who begs from you."
00:05:13.760 | So the older I get, the more inclined I am to take those commands more literally than
00:05:20.200 | I once tried to justify myself in not doing.
00:05:25.120 | So I don't think there is a simple rule that will dictate when you help a prodigal financially
00:05:31.600 | and when you don't.
00:05:33.480 | On the one hand, you want to show the child that Jesus is your all-satisfying treasure.
00:05:40.240 | And any withholding of money, which might be wise in any given situation, it might be
00:05:45.900 | wise, is not owing to stinginess or fear or greed or insecurity.
00:05:53.680 | It's owing to a desire to do the child good.
00:05:57.240 | We want him to see that.
00:05:59.440 | And that would mean that parents would look for other ways to continually do good to the
00:06:06.160 | child.
00:06:07.160 | I think that's a significant principle, that if you have to say no in one area because
00:06:12.300 | the child's expectation is harmful as you see it, you try to help him see your heart
00:06:19.520 | is still there for him by pouring yourself out in other ways.
00:06:24.920 | You'll continually reach out to him rather than write him off.
00:06:29.000 | You'll continually offer yourselves, even if you don't offer your money, and that may
00:06:34.440 | be much more difficult.
00:06:36.520 | I mean, to get on a plane and go across the country might be much more difficult than
00:06:43.120 | wiring money.
00:06:45.100 | You will go out of your way to be there for the child.
00:06:50.680 | And yes, at some utterly surprising moment, you may give him a wonderful gift that is
00:06:58.160 | not designed to advance his sin, but lavish him with grace in the hopes that God might
00:07:05.200 | open his eyes.
00:07:07.760 | But above all, I would just say to this parent, immerse yourself in the Word of God and join
00:07:16.240 | hands with your spouse in continual prayer for wisdom and love and boldness and even
00:07:24.620 | joy while your heart is breaking.
00:07:28.940 | And I think God, out of that, will show you the way forward.
00:07:33.180 | Yes.
00:07:34.180 | Joy in the sorrow.
00:07:36.140 | A lot of wisdom to pray for in these situations.
00:07:38.900 | Thank you, Pastor John, for working through this question.
00:07:42.000 | If you have a question that you just can't quite figure out or some issue that's confusing
00:07:46.780 | you, email us your question at AskPastorJohn@DesiringGod.org.
00:07:51.860 | And of course, you can find our audio feeds and our episode archive all through our online
00:07:55.060 | home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.
00:07:59.820 | Well why is John Piper a Baptist?
00:08:02.620 | We're going to ask him that when we return on Wednesday.
00:08:04.540 | I'm your host Tony Ranke.
00:08:05.740 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.
00:08:08.020 | [END]
00:08:08.520 | 1
00:08:09.520 | John Piper, a Baptist.
00:08:10.520 | Ask Pastor John.
00:08:11.520 | www.askpastorjohn.org
00:08:12.520 | 1
00:08:12.520 | John Piper, a Baptist.
00:08:13.520 | Ask Pastor John.
00:08:14.520 | www.askpastorjohn.org
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