How Do I Recover from an Unbearable Tragedy?

00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)

00:00:02.580 | - Being 828, it seems fitting that we record an episode

00:00:08.820 | on suffering in honor of the precious truth

00:00:11.840 | that we cling to in Romans 828.

00:00:14.880 | It's certainly not hard to find such an email.

00:00:17.080 | Thousands of people email us out of the most tragic pain

00:00:20.280 | they have ever experienced.

00:00:22.880 | And one of my regrets with this podcast

00:00:24.880 | is that we can't reply to every one

00:00:27.080 | of those heartbreaking emails that you send to us.

00:00:29.520 | I wish we could, but we simply can't.

00:00:32.480 | But we can respond to this email from a podcast listener,

00:00:36.560 | a very broken woman.

00:00:39.400 | "Pastor John, I need your help.

00:00:41.720 | "Tragically back in 2007, I backed over and killed

00:00:46.720 | "my 18 month old grandson with a car.

00:00:51.640 | "I was devastated.

00:00:54.260 | "I remain devastated.

00:00:56.920 | "That day changed me.

00:00:58.880 | "I was once a children's church director

00:01:00.980 | "and a Sunday school teacher.

00:01:02.740 | "I don't serve anymore.

00:01:04.160 | "13 years later, I can hardly drive without crying.

00:01:08.320 | "The guilt I feel for my grandson is greater

00:01:11.720 | "than the guilt I feel for not serving God.

00:01:15.600 | "People say I should be happy, he's in a better place.

00:01:18.340 | "Or they say God spared him a bad life,

00:01:21.320 | "that he knew my grandson was going to go down a bad road.

00:01:25.740 | "But what would you say?

00:01:27.320 | "What would make me happy again, serving God again

00:01:32.320 | "and at peace without my grandson?

00:01:36.300 | "After all these years, Pastor John, can you help me?"

00:01:40.480 | - Whether I can be of help after all this time,

00:01:44.160 | I think she said 13 years, will depend on whether

00:01:49.160 | the Holy Spirit is pleased to take what I say

00:01:54.520 | and do the miracle, the ongoing miracle,

00:01:57.820 | that in myself I certainly am not able to do.

00:02:00.680 | So my words now that I'm going to speak

00:02:04.120 | that I've prayed about, come in the hopes

00:02:08.020 | that there will be a touch of God

00:02:11.160 | and a miracle wrought through them,

00:02:14.400 | which in and of themselves could never happen.

00:02:17.720 | Now before I point our friend

00:02:20.980 | to three biblical considerations,

00:02:24.940 | let me say a word about Romans 8, 28,

00:02:29.140 | here on the eighth month and on the 28th day of 2020.

00:02:34.140 | The flow of thought in Romans 8 goes like this.

00:02:39.260 | We know that for those who love God

00:02:43.340 | and are called according to his purpose,

00:02:46.080 | all things work together for good.

00:02:50.780 | And then skip a few verses and you read, this is verse 35,

00:02:55.780 | "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?

00:02:58.620 | Shall tribulation or distress or persecution or famine

00:03:03.620 | or nakedness or danger or sword,"

00:03:07.140 | and you could add, "or running over your own grandchild?"

00:03:11.820 | "As it is written, for our sake,

00:03:14.420 | we are being killed all day long.

00:03:16.460 | We are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."

00:03:18.820 | And Paul responds to that litany of horrors

00:03:23.020 | that happened to God's people, "No, no,

00:03:26.620 | we won't be separated from the love of Christ."

00:03:29.900 | And then he adds these words, "In all these things,"

00:03:32.400 | not instead of, but "In all these things,

00:03:35.460 | we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."

00:03:38.380 | So it's absolutely crucial whenever we use sight,

00:03:43.980 | Romans 8:28, that we realize that verse

00:03:48.980 | does not spare us Christians,

00:03:52.980 | distress, famine, nakedness, danger,

00:03:56.300 | but rather makes us inseparable from Christ

00:04:00.860 | in these miseries, in them.

00:04:04.480 | That's the clarification we must always keep before us.

00:04:08.580 | Romans 8:28 is not a promise of escape from misery,

00:04:13.920 | but a promise of being kept from delusion

00:04:18.100 | and unbelief and destruction in it,

00:04:22.300 | and that in due time, God works it out for our good.

00:04:27.300 | Now, here are three considerations

00:04:32.940 | that I would like our hurting friend,

00:04:37.100 | still hurting after 13 years, to consider.

00:04:41.660 | Number one, when Jesus broke into Paul's life

00:04:45.720 | on the Damascus road, he said, "Saul, Saul,

00:04:49.920 | why are you persecuting me?"

00:04:52.940 | Acts 9, 4.

00:04:55.000 | Now, at first, Paul had no idea what this meant.

00:04:59.400 | Persecuting Jesus, the risen Lord of the universe?

00:05:03.560 | I don't even believe you exist.

00:05:05.880 | Luke had just said three verses earlier

00:05:09.360 | that Paul's persecution involved, quote,

00:05:13.380 | "Saul was still breathing threats and murder

00:05:18.380 | against the disciples of the Lord."

00:05:22.240 | Acts 9, 1.

00:05:23.500 | Two words stand out, murder and still.

00:05:28.160 | And Noel and I just read devotions last night,

00:05:31.160 | by the way, in Acts 25, I believe,

00:05:35.420 | where Paul uses the plural for murders

00:05:38.820 | that he had been involved in.

00:05:40.760 | I had never noticed that plural before,

00:05:42.660 | but here he says he's still,

00:05:44.780 | he's still breathing out murder,

00:05:47.180 | meaning I was part of Stephen's killing,

00:05:51.160 | and I'm still doing the same thing on my way to Damascus.

00:05:54.740 | He was a Christian killer.

00:05:57.520 | And on the Damascus road, Jesus told him

00:06:00.700 | that he was not merely a Christian killer,

00:06:03.020 | he was a Christ killer.

00:06:05.060 | You are persecuting me, Jesus.

00:06:09.700 | You touch my followers, you touch me.

00:06:11.740 | You imprison them, you imprison me.

00:06:13.620 | You kill them, you kill me.

00:06:16.220 | And it appears from 1 Timothy 1.15

00:06:19.460 | and 1 Corinthians 15.9

00:06:21.980 | that Paul never, never forgot it.

00:06:26.680 | He never stopped feeling the sting,

00:06:30.820 | the horror of being a Christian killer

00:06:33.560 | and a Christ killer.

00:06:35.260 | He did not mean to be a Christ killer,

00:06:38.860 | but he did mean to be a Christian killer.

00:06:41.580 | And here he is now at the end of his life

00:06:44.340 | in 1 Timothy saying that he still feels it.

00:06:48.500 | He feels like the foremost,

00:06:50.580 | he calls himself the foremost or the chief of sinners

00:06:54.220 | because according to 1 Corinthians 15.9,

00:06:57.140 | he persecuted and killed Christians

00:07:01.300 | and through them the Lord himself.

00:07:03.840 | Now, my point is not that running over your own grandchild

00:07:08.840 | is like killing Christians intentionally

00:07:12.240 | or killing Christ inadvertently.

00:07:14.300 | My point is this, here's something so horrible

00:07:17.680 | in Paul's life, in his background, that he did,

00:07:22.680 | he never, never stopped taking it into account.

00:07:27.320 | He never got beyond it.

00:07:31.040 | He never stopped thinking on it and its implications.

00:07:36.040 | It never stopped playing an emotional role in his life.

00:07:41.240 | So I'm suggesting that the way forward

00:07:45.840 | is not to be sought mainly in forgetting

00:07:50.840 | or God forbid, minimizing the horror,

00:07:56.160 | but in fact, remembering, owning,

00:08:00.920 | finding Paul's supernatural way of living with the grief

00:08:05.920 | and the wrong that was done in such a way

00:08:11.600 | that it does not paralyze ministry,

00:08:14.920 | but mysteriously, painfully, even beautifully deepens it.

00:08:23.280 | Read the context of 1 Timothy 1:15

00:08:26.480 | and meditate on that possibility.

00:08:30.100 | That's my first observation.

00:08:32.640 | Here's the second one, and it follows from the first.

00:08:37.000 | It may be that the Lord is calling you

00:08:40.960 | to think of this tragedy and its effect

00:08:45.440 | not as a wound to be healed,

00:08:49.420 | but as a disability to bear.

00:08:53.080 | Some disabilities are physical.

00:08:55.560 | Jacob wrestled with God, God put his hip out of joint,

00:08:59.600 | and he walked with a limp for the rest of his life

00:09:04.160 | as an unavoidable reminder of his encounter with God.

00:09:09.160 | Some disabilities are mental,

00:09:12.960 | and some are emotional and spiritual,

00:09:16.280 | and it might help if your mindset shifts

00:09:21.560 | from getting beyond the pain, beyond the remorse,

00:09:26.520 | beyond the horrible, vivid memory, get beyond,

00:09:31.080 | it might help if your mindset shifts

00:09:34.260 | from getting beyond all that

00:09:35.800 | to acknowledging the ongoing presence of the pain,

00:09:40.800 | the remorse, the memory, as miraculously transformed

00:09:47.680 | from a ministry-paralyzing reality

00:09:50.960 | to a ministry-deepening, softening, empowering reality.

00:09:55.960 | Think of the Christ-exalting people you know

00:10:01.760 | who have a profound disability.

00:10:04.600 | We could all probably think of one or two or three,

00:10:07.480 | and perhaps they have it

00:10:10.000 | because of this disability that they have.

00:10:12.760 | Perhaps they have it because of a mindless accident

00:10:17.560 | and by a miracle of sovereign grace,

00:10:20.560 | they have transformed that life-ruining disability

00:10:25.560 | into a life-giving, power-in-weakness ministry of grace.

00:10:32.040 | That's my second observation, an alteration of mindset.

00:10:38.600 | And now finally, the third observation,

00:10:42.120 | which follows from that, in a sense, is an extension.

00:10:47.640 | Of the first two, surely one of the great hindrances

00:10:52.280 | to ministry after such an unspeakable calamity

00:10:56.280 | is the deep sense that if I rejoice,

00:11:00.080 | or if I delight in some ministry,

00:11:04.560 | I will, by that delight, by that joy,

00:11:08.800 | treat the death of my grandchild with disrespect.

00:11:12.840 | I will, by that joy, minimize the horror of the deed

00:11:17.480 | and the loss to the family.

00:11:20.440 | So there hangs over you a sense that you dare not,

00:11:24.580 | you dare not return to any form of normalcy

00:11:27.760 | lest you make light of what feels infinitely heavy.

00:11:32.760 | And here's what I'm suggesting, that minimizing,

00:11:36.880 | that minimizing is not gonna happen

00:11:40.120 | after 13 years with you, it's not.

00:11:43.300 | The voice of 13 years of sorrow and ministry paralysis

00:11:48.300 | is to show you that you have a disability

00:11:53.180 | which you never will leave behind.

00:11:56.680 | You will never become chipper about it.

00:11:59.920 | You'll never become frivolous about it.

00:12:02.640 | You'll never become callous about it.

00:12:04.800 | You'll never become indifferent to that awful moment

00:12:09.080 | and that immeasurable loss.

00:12:10.800 | You won't, you won't.

00:12:12.560 | I'm suggesting that the grief and the loss

00:12:15.680 | are not a disease that heals,

00:12:18.520 | they're an amputation that produces a lifelong limp.

00:12:22.960 | You won't ever run the same.

00:12:24.920 | And that limp, I am suggesting,

00:12:27.080 | is the miraculous capacity to minister to other people

00:12:32.080 | with a kind of joy.

00:12:35.240 | Mark that word, a kind of joy.

00:12:39.000 | And a kind of hope and a kind of peace

00:12:43.120 | that only a person can have who has drunk

00:12:46.600 | this bitter cup that you have drunk.

00:12:49.560 | It will be unique to you, your particular kind of joy,

00:12:54.000 | your hope, your peace.

00:12:56.000 | What did Paul mean when he said in 2 Corinthians 6:10

00:13:00.460 | that he carried out his ministry as sorrowful,

00:13:04.480 | yet always rejoicing?

00:13:06.580 | Could it be that part of the story

00:13:09.960 | that Paul carried with him all the time

00:13:13.520 | was the memory that he was a Christ killer?

00:13:15.860 | As indeed all of us are in one sense Christ killers.

00:13:21.800 | Whatever the sorrow was,

00:13:25.600 | and oh, how many reasons Paul had to be sorrowful.

00:13:29.680 | Whatever the sorrow was,

00:13:32.100 | what matters most is that Paul found a miracle of grace

00:13:37.100 | to transform the sorrowful, emotional weight of his past,

00:13:43.840 | transform it from a ministry paralyzing memory

00:13:51.480 | into a ministry deepening power,

00:13:55.780 | even with a kind of joy that was peculiar

00:14:00.780 | to this amazing man.

00:14:03.440 | Not a superficial joy,

00:14:05.440 | but the kind of joy that only the chief of sinners

00:14:09.340 | can have in the grace of God.

00:14:12.140 | And that's my prayer for you.

00:14:15.240 | - Heavy topic, but no overstatement to say

00:14:19.520 | that Christ is relevant for our deepest tragedies.

00:14:22.560 | Thank you, Pastor John.

00:14:23.720 | And thank you for sending such personal emails into us.

00:14:27.600 | It is no small thing that you are willing

00:14:29.320 | to open up your life and share with us

00:14:31.160 | the rawest wounds that you endure.

00:14:35.000 | I only wish we could answer every heartbreaking email

00:14:38.600 | that we get, but I pray that this episode will serve

00:14:42.320 | many of you who resonate with the pain.

00:14:45.960 | Well, next up we're gonna ask,

00:14:47.440 | is a career in marketing vain?

00:14:51.800 | This is the type of question that comes in regularly to us

00:14:54.000 | from Christians who work in marketing,

00:14:55.960 | but also from those who work in retail clothing

00:14:59.080 | and in the fashion world.

00:15:00.880 | Does my work matter?

00:15:03.000 | Pushing luxury goods to people who don't need them.

00:15:06.880 | It's an honest question, and it's up next time on Monday.

00:15:09.920 | I'm Tony Renke, we'll see you on the other side

00:15:12.000 | of the weekend.

00:15:12.960 | Thank you for listening, and we'll see you then.

00:15:15.360 | (upbeat music)

00:15:17.940 | (upbeat music)

00:15:20.520 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

How Do I Recover from an Unbearable Tragedy?

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