Is Parenting Complicated or Simple?

00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)

00:00:02.580 | - Welcome to the Ask Pastor John podcast.

00:00:06.760 | This week we are joined by guest Ted Tripp,

00:00:08.760 | probably best known for his two best-selling parenting books,

00:00:11.400 | Shepherding a Child's Heart and Instructing a Child's Heart.

00:00:14.580 | Dr. Tripp, thank you for joining us this week.

00:00:16.160 | We have a big week ahead, so let's get right into it

00:00:18.480 | and let's start big picture.

00:00:20.440 | Parenting is hard and demanding work,

00:00:22.260 | and I think every parent would agree with that,

00:00:23.920 | but are the aims and goals of parenthood

00:00:26.560 | really all that complicated?

00:00:28.440 | In other words, do Christian parents seem to

00:00:30.160 | oversimplify parenting or make it too complex?

00:00:33.140 | What do you say?

00:00:34.360 | - Well, I think that, as you said,

00:00:36.320 | parenting is hard work and it requires time and focus

00:00:40.140 | and intentionality, but I don't think that necessarily

00:00:42.960 | has to be terribly complicated either.

00:00:46.120 | You know, one of the problems we have, I think,

00:00:47.680 | in modern culture is that people want to have children,

00:00:50.760 | but they don't necessarily want to be parents.

00:00:53.320 | You know, we almost view children sometimes as possessions.

00:00:55.960 | You know, I've got these kids, aren't they cute?

00:00:58.360 | Especially when they're real young, you know,

00:01:00.280 | and everyone oohs and ahs over your children.

00:01:03.160 | But the calling of being a parent is really

00:01:06.840 | a full-time focus.

00:01:08.240 | It's got to be one of the primary things

00:01:10.240 | that you're involved in when you're raising children.

00:01:12.760 | So I think, Tony, that knowing God,

00:01:17.020 | modeling God's ways for our children

00:01:20.400 | is really the big picture idea, you know,

00:01:25.400 | that I'm a Christian.

00:01:27.960 | I love God, and I want to draw my children

00:01:31.240 | into that whole spiritual world of this wonderful God

00:01:36.240 | and love for him and delight in him,

00:01:39.760 | helping them to see and embrace the goodness of God's ways

00:01:43.640 | and the richness of God's truth.

00:01:46.000 | That's where I want to be going with my kids all the time.

00:01:49.920 | So, and I think, you know, in the simplest terms,

00:01:55.360 | kind of the overview that I want parents to take away

00:01:58.360 | from my work on parenting is that the goal

00:02:03.360 | is not just managing behavior.

00:02:05.980 | The goal is really shepherding the heart.

00:02:07.720 | The goal is to nurture, so that my responsibility

00:02:10.960 | as a parent is not just to control, to constrain,

00:02:15.040 | to limit the range of choices, to manage this kid

00:02:18.360 | so that he jumps in my hoops and does the things

00:02:20.760 | that I would like him to do.

00:02:22.520 | 'Cause I think a lot of parents end up

00:02:23.800 | with no more profound focus than that,

00:02:26.240 | even Christian parents.

00:02:27.360 | But I want to be shepherding his heart.

00:02:30.720 | I want him to understand that the heart

00:02:33.440 | is the wellspring of life.

00:02:34.520 | It's Proverbs 4:23.

00:02:36.640 | Above all else, guard your heart,

00:02:39.320 | for it's the wellspring of life.

00:02:40.680 | All the choices and desires and purposes

00:02:44.960 | of the person are bound up inside.

00:02:47.520 | And, you know, we make choices and make decisions

00:02:52.360 | based on what is attractive and important to us.

00:02:56.400 | You know, all the way through raising kids,

00:02:58.800 | that's what I want to do.

00:02:59.960 | Now, the way you do it is gonna be very different

00:03:02.400 | with a two-year-old than with a teenager.

00:03:05.120 | I mean, a two-year-old's not gonna be self-conscious

00:03:07.760 | about motivation.

00:03:09.440 | I can't ask him about his heart.

00:03:11.280 | He doesn't even understand.

00:03:12.640 | He lacks the vocabulary, the insight, the understanding,

00:03:15.860 | the facility with ideas to even interact

00:03:22.000 | with that question.

00:03:23.760 | So, you know, you begin with kids talking about the heart

00:03:27.600 | even when you do correction.

00:03:29.000 | I mean, so a little child, you know,

00:03:30.920 | knocks over his sister and takes her toy.

00:03:32.960 | I want to correct that behavior.

00:03:34.640 | Honey, no, no, you may not do that.

00:03:36.280 | Your sister was playing with that.

00:03:37.720 | We're gonna give that back to her.

00:03:39.440 | When I correct her or correct him,

00:03:41.760 | I'm going to use the language of the heart

00:03:43.940 | to describe the thing.

00:03:45.240 | So, honey, you're not being kind to your sister.

00:03:49.280 | You're loving yourself.

00:03:50.320 | You're not loving her.

00:03:51.320 | You're serving yourself.

00:03:52.520 | You're not serving her.

00:03:53.880 | You must give the toy back to your sister.

00:03:55.720 | She was playing with it.

00:03:56.800 | That's a way that you can express love for her.

00:03:59.600 | So that I'm, even in my correction of this two-year-old,

00:04:03.600 | I'm talking about things other than just,

00:04:06.200 | give her back that toy, that's bad.

00:04:07.560 | Don't be bad.

00:04:08.400 | You know, be nice to your sister.

00:04:10.080 | Well, those terms don't have any meaning.

00:04:12.720 | There's no content to them.

00:04:14.040 | So I'm gonna give content to that

00:04:16.280 | by talking about the heart.

00:04:17.440 | Then with older kids, obviously,

00:04:19.040 | you can talk about heart issues much more thoroughly

00:04:22.160 | and even teach them through their middle years

00:04:25.600 | about attitudes of heart and the way that behavior

00:04:28.240 | is pushed and pulled by what goes on inside.

00:04:30.720 | - Yes, so parenting is really, by God's grace,

00:04:33.040 | aimed at raising faith-filled Christians.

00:04:36.360 | Can you boil it down like that?

00:04:38.800 | - Sure, I think that, yeah, I want to raise kids

00:04:41.840 | that understand the world of reality.

00:04:44.080 | There's a God in heaven.

00:04:45.080 | He's glorious, he's good,

00:04:46.920 | and I want them to see his goodness.

00:04:48.880 | - Yeah, so good.

00:04:49.720 | Thank you, Dr. Tripp.

00:04:50.760 | And parenting expert Ted Tripp will be with us all week.

00:04:53.400 | He is the author of two best-selling books,

00:04:55.120 | Shepherding a Child's Heart and Instructing a Child's Heart.

00:04:58.420 | So what is the single greatest threat

00:05:00.800 | to the Christian family?

00:05:02.480 | I'll ask Dr. Tripp that question tomorrow.

00:05:04.560 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.

00:05:05.440 | We'll see you then.

00:05:06.400 | (upbeat music)

00:05:08.980 | (upbeat music)

00:05:11.560 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

Is Parenting Complicated or Simple?

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