How Can I Love God More Than My Boyfriend?
00:00:00.000 | Today's question is from a listener named Emma, who is in love.
00:00:08.520 | "Hello Tony and Pastor John.
00:00:10.820 | Thank you so much for your ministry.
00:00:13.180 | It is truly a blessing to me and so many others.
00:00:15.780 | I am currently in a serious relationship with a man who loves Christ and encourages me as
00:00:20.380 | I follow Christ.
00:00:22.560 | But as our affection for one another continues to grow, how can I make sure that I am loving
00:00:26.660 | God more than I love him?
00:00:29.940 | What exactly would it look like to be putting my boyfriend above God?
00:00:34.500 | And is there something like this I can expect to face in marriage too?"
00:00:39.140 | Pastor John, what would you say to Emma?
00:00:40.760 | You know what I really want to do is to read to Emma a poem that I wrote for one of my
00:00:47.780 | sons when he was getting married, a poem about this very question called "Love Her More and
00:00:54.900 | Love Her Less."
00:00:56.660 | So let me give a brief answer and then I am going to close with just a part of that poem,
00:01:03.020 | because sometimes I think poetry can unfold a mystery of emotion that a straightforward
00:01:11.060 | APJ answer might not.
00:01:13.220 | With regard to that last question, "Is there something like this in marriage too?"
00:01:19.500 | The answer is yes, and not only in marriage, but it's possible to love children more than
00:01:26.100 | God, health more than God, reputation more than God, friendship more than God, comfort
00:01:31.420 | more than God, security more than God.
00:01:33.420 | In other words, the question you're asking about the boyfriend is a question all of us
00:01:42.160 | must pose about everything.
00:01:45.660 | Now that's why the 10th commandment is there, right?
00:01:49.620 | "You shall not covet," and covetousness means simply loving something too much, loving
00:01:57.620 | it the way you shouldn't love it, like loving a boyfriend or your husband or your health
00:02:02.380 | or your life in such a way that it starts to undermine your love for God.
00:02:10.260 | How can you make sure you love God more than your most cherished earthly love?
00:02:18.700 | And one answer to that question is surprising, maybe the most important answer of all, namely
00:02:25.060 | that God himself will use whatever means he must to keep that from happening, to keep
00:02:34.220 | us from loving him less than something else.
00:02:40.460 | 1 Peter 1:6 shows that God regards faith in his children as so precious that he will use
00:02:49.140 | fire to refine it so that dross is burned out of it, and it comes through like refined
00:02:57.940 | gold to the praise of glory at the end of our lives.
00:03:03.260 | The same principle applies to love.
00:03:06.420 | So the issue does not lie finally in our own hands.
00:03:12.620 | God will keep his children absolutely secure.
00:03:17.140 | He will use whatever means he must to prevent us from idolatry, from loving anything more
00:03:25.020 | than we love him and thus making shipwreck of our faith if we are indeed his children.
00:03:32.660 | The next thing to say is Hebrews 4.12.
00:03:38.220 | How can I be sure?
00:03:40.260 | What means might I use to keep from loving my boyfriend more, or at least how can I find
00:03:46.820 | out if I do love him more?
00:03:49.940 | And the answer is the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword,
00:03:55.180 | piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts
00:04:02.580 | and intentions of the heart.
00:04:05.220 | In other words, stay close in the Word of God.
00:04:09.620 | Saturate your mind and heart with the Word of God, and he will cause you by the Word
00:04:15.180 | to know your own heart and what you love most.
00:04:19.580 | That's what the Word of God reveals.
00:04:23.300 | And when you read the Word, it gives you some specific criteria to test your heart.
00:04:30.500 | For example, does your allegiance to your boyfriend or your husband lead you into sin?
00:04:40.140 | Does the pleasure that you have in being with your boyfriend diminish or does it increase
00:04:48.760 | the pleasure that you have in being with Jesus?
00:04:53.020 | Does the enjoyment of being with your boyfriend increase or diminish the enjoyment you have
00:05:00.660 | in being with Bible-saturated godly people?
00:05:05.080 | Does getting to know your boyfriend lead you to know Christ better?
00:05:11.100 | Does the thought of losing your boyfriend cause you to think of getting angry with God
00:05:18.100 | or throwing yourself more fully on God's mercy?
00:05:22.380 | Sometimes a poem can capture a mystery and stir us up to love God even better than a
00:05:30.820 | theological argument or an APJ answer.
00:05:33.980 | So let me venture on that possibility for the rest of this APJ.
00:05:39.220 | Emma will need to make an adjustment.
00:05:41.700 | Since I wrote this for my son, and she's a woman, not a son, I didn't write it for
00:05:48.100 | my daughter, though I could have.
00:05:49.860 | So all Emma needs to do is just do a little switch and think of me speaking to my daughter
00:05:57.540 | toward the one she's about to marry rather than my son towards the one he's about to
00:06:03.180 | marry.
00:06:04.180 | The poem is called "Love Her More and Love Her Less," or Emma would need to say, "Love
00:06:10.940 | him more and love him less."
00:06:14.020 | So here's the excerpt from the poem.
00:06:19.220 | If you now aim your wife to bless, then love her more and love her less.
00:06:28.620 | If in the coming years by some strange providence of God you come to have the riches of this
00:06:33.540 | age and painless stride across the stage beside your wife, be sure in health to love her,
00:06:43.980 | love her more than wealth.
00:06:46.460 | And if your life is woven in a hundred friendships and you spin a festal fabric out of all your
00:06:52.380 | sweet affections, great and small, be sure, no matter how it rings, to love her, love
00:07:00.660 | her more than friends.
00:07:03.820 | And if there comes a point when you are tired and pity whispers, "Do yourself a favor.
00:07:11.260 | Come.
00:07:12.260 | Be free.
00:07:13.260 | Embrace the comforts here with me."
00:07:14.940 | Know this, your wife surpasses these, so love her, love her more than ease.
00:07:22.460 | And when your marriage bed is pure and there is not the slightest lure of lust for any
00:07:28.860 | but your wife and all is ecstasy in life, a secret all of this protects, go love her,
00:07:39.140 | love her more than sex.
00:07:41.560 | And if, to your surprise, not mine, God calls you by some strange design to risk your life
00:07:47.420 | for some great cause, let neither fear nor love give pause, and when you face the gate
00:07:54.620 | of death, then love her, love her more than breath.
00:08:01.220 | Yes, love her, love her more than life.
00:08:05.820 | Oh, love the woman called your wife.
00:08:08.700 | So love her as your earthly best.
00:08:13.300 | Beyond this, venture not.
00:08:17.660 | But lest your love become a fool's facade, be sure to love her less than God.
00:08:24.780 | It is not wise or kind to call an idol by sweet names and fall as in humility before
00:08:33.580 | a likeness of your God.
00:08:36.980 | Or above your best beloved on earth, the God alone who gives her worth, and she will know
00:08:43.540 | in second place that your great love is also grace and that your high affections now are
00:08:51.620 | flowing freely from a vow beneath these promises first made to you by God.
00:08:58.060 | Nor will they fade for being rooted by the stream of heaven's joy, which you esteem
00:09:03.660 | and cherish more than breath and life that you may give it to your wife.
00:09:10.100 | The greatest gift you give your wife is loving God above her life.
00:09:18.180 | And thus I bid you now to bless.
00:09:22.000 | Go love her more by loving less.
00:09:27.420 | And for Emma, the poem would have to close, and thus I bid you, Emma, bless.
00:09:36.380 | Go love him more by loving less.
00:09:41.180 | Thank you, Pastor John, for sharing that poem.
00:09:43.140 | And Emma, thanks for the great and important question, one that I'm sure many other listeners
00:09:47.260 | are wrestling with right now as well.
00:09:49.420 | Thank you for articulating it and putting it on the table for us to address.
00:09:52.700 | Well, we publish this podcast three times per week with over 1,500 episodes now in the
00:09:57.180 | archive.
00:09:58.180 | You can find them, subscribe to the podcast, or send us your own question.
00:10:00.380 | Do that online at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.
00:10:05.980 | So how do we respond when life seems meaningless, especially when suffering hits and that suffering
00:10:12.420 | itself seems utterly pointless?
00:10:15.220 | How do we respond?
00:10:16.540 | It's a great question, and it's up next time when we return on Wednesday.
00:10:21.180 | I'm Tony Reinke, and we'll see you then.
00:10:22.740 | Bye.
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