How Open Should I Be with My Parents?
00:00:00.000 | [Music]
00:00:05.000 | A listener named Ray writes in to ask this, "Pastor John, I'm a young teenager.
00:00:09.000 | A few months ago I got caught up in this book I was reading which had a sexual scene in it, which I read.
00:00:14.000 | At the time I was too glued to the book to set it down, even though I knew my mom probably wouldn't want me to read it.
00:00:20.000 | Since then I have not thought about it because I don't really think of it as a sin in my mind
00:00:24.000 | because I was confused about whether or not my dad would be okay with it.
00:00:28.000 | I don't struggle with lust and I don't think about sex and haven't thought about what I read until now.
00:00:33.000 | Now I'm wondering if I should tell my parents about it.
00:00:36.000 | The reason I don't want to are these.
00:00:39.000 | I have a good relationship with them and they trust me and I don't want my freedom to be taken away
00:00:43.000 | because I don't struggle with this. I don't want to hurt them or scare them.
00:00:47.000 | I don't want to send my parents into a panic because I don't struggle with lust or want sex.
00:00:51.000 | It's embarrassing. The reasons that make me think I should tell them,
00:00:55.000 | I don't want to hide things from my parents. I want to have an open, honest relationship with them
00:01:00.000 | since I am commanded so many times in the Bible to treasure their wisdom and to honor them.
00:01:04.000 | But is it necessary to tell them this to be open and honest?
00:01:08.000 | Do I need to confess a sin that I'm not really sure if it was a sin?
00:01:12.000 | So in the end my question for you is, should we confess to our parents all our sins
00:01:17.000 | even if they don't seem to be a big deal and even if we don't struggle with them anymore?
00:01:22.000 | So first of all, thank you, Ray, for the courage to ask the question
00:01:29.000 | and the clarity of laying out the pros and cons of taking this to your parents.
00:01:38.000 | My answer to your question is partly influenced by that,
00:01:43.000 | by what kind of person I see you being, what kind of young woman you are.
00:01:50.000 | So understand that I'm reading into your mind a kind of maturity and balance
00:01:59.000 | that is affecting the way I answer. So my answer to you is yes,
00:02:03.000 | I think you should talk to your parents about this.
00:02:07.000 | And I'll give you my reasons and you can weigh them and see if they're compelling to you.
00:02:12.000 | First, you are clearly burdened by the memory of this scene in your reading
00:02:20.000 | and your failure to put the book down and talk to your mom or your dad about it.
00:02:24.000 | And the very fact that it concerns you enough to write to us,
00:02:30.000 | I think that means it would be good to lay that burden down by talking to mom and dad about it.
00:02:38.000 | That will lift it from you. If you look back on the event as a sin,
00:02:43.000 | which it sounds like you do, then the Bible tells us,
00:02:46.000 | "Confess our sins to one another and the promise of healing would come," James 5.
00:02:51.000 | Here's a second thought. I think you are in a good place right now to speak to your parents
00:02:58.000 | because sex has not made you its slave.
00:03:02.000 | The day could come when you get sucked into kind of difficulty with sexuality
00:03:08.000 | that would be way more harmful than just having seen a scene in a book.
00:03:14.000 | And then it would be a lot harder to talk to your folks.
00:03:17.000 | And so this seems like a good season, a good time in your life
00:03:22.000 | when you can bear witness to them that you're not enslaved by your sexuality.
00:03:27.000 | You're not entangled like some have become, and I think that will encourage them rather than put them off.
00:03:33.000 | Third, it sounds like you have a good relationship with your folks,
00:03:38.000 | and that would be a good time to be honest with them
00:03:41.000 | rather than if the relationship would be troubled someday.
00:03:45.000 | And it sounds like a relationship of trust, and so I'd venture that.
00:03:50.000 | The fourth thought I had was I think it's generally a good thing to err on the side of candor and honesty and openness
00:04:01.000 | with people, including our parents, rather than secrecy.
00:04:05.000 | I think that gets us in trouble when we keep secrets from people that are close to us,
00:04:10.000 | so that would be another reason I think you should move forward in talking to them.
00:04:14.000 | And a fifth thing is I think the upshot of your talking to them will not be that they distrust you or that trust you less.
00:04:23.000 | I think they'll trust you more.
00:04:25.000 | At least surely that was my experience with my children, my sons, and my daughter.
00:04:32.000 | If they came to me with some confession of something they did,
00:04:36.000 | I was way more eager to trust them and believe them than I would have been if something had turned up indirectly
00:04:45.000 | and I found that they were keeping something from me.
00:04:48.000 | So I doubt that you'll make your parents distrustful of you if you're honest about this.
00:04:54.000 | And the sixth thing is the Bible says, "Honor your father and mother,"
00:05:00.000 | and trusting your parents is a huge honor to them.
00:05:04.000 | I just feel so honored if my children trust me with some difficulty that they're having.
00:05:11.000 | And the final thing I'd say is, Ray, never, never forget the gospel of Jesus,
00:05:17.000 | that He died precisely for this sin that you're concerned about, that it would be forgiven,
00:05:24.000 | that no matter what happens about anybody's response to you and your honesty,
00:05:28.000 | Jesus is for you and will give you the help you need and the strength to press on in the path of righteousness.
00:05:35.000 | So I admire your courage and your humility, and I'll pray that God would make it good when you talk to your folks.
00:05:43.000 | Thank you, Pastor John.
00:05:45.000 | And we are back with a new episode tomorrow.
00:05:47.000 | Until then, feel free to scan the podcast archives by downloading the free Ask Pastor John app for the Apple and Android devices.
00:05:54.000 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.
00:05:55.000 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.
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