RPF0615-How_to_Find_an_Excellent_Wife-The_Preparation
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00:00:30.620 | Welcome to Radical Personal Finance,
00:00:31.960 | a show dedicated to providing you with the knowledge,
00:00:33.820 | skills, insight, and encouragement you need
00:00:36.100 | to live a rich and meaningful life now
00:00:38.240 | while building a plan for financial freedom
00:00:40.040 | in 10 years or less.
00:00:41.640 | My name is Joshua, I am your host,
00:00:43.240 | and today we begin a discussion on how to find a wife.
00:00:48.240 | Today is part one, the preparation.
00:00:51.340 | This is a series that I've wanted to do
00:00:52.920 | or wanted to start for a long time.
00:00:54.280 | I don't intend to go day by day,
00:00:56.020 | nor am I going to neglect some of the other series
00:00:58.780 | that I've got running,
00:00:59.820 | but I've decided to do this one today
00:01:01.420 | because it'll be an important part
00:01:03.160 | of my own personal self-growth,
00:01:06.460 | or personal growth and improvement.
00:01:09.340 | And it's a personal New Year's resolution of mine
00:01:12.440 | for the new year.
00:01:14.060 | I'll explain here as part of just a quick introduction,
00:01:16.600 | and then we'll get to the meat of a discussion
00:01:18.240 | of how to find a wife.
00:01:20.440 | One of the challenges that I have faced
00:01:22.440 | in being a broadcaster is in wanting to do things well.
00:01:26.680 | And unfortunately, wanting to do things well
00:01:29.480 | often results in not getting anything done.
00:01:32.180 | This is not unique to me.
00:01:33.480 | This is probably common to both you and me,
00:01:37.420 | where we know what we'd like to do,
00:01:39.500 | and because we'd like to do something really, really well,
00:01:42.900 | well, we use that as our standard,
00:01:45.600 | and because it takes us a long time
00:01:47.260 | to do something really well,
00:01:49.160 | we often pull back in fear and do nothing.
00:01:52.380 | And this is a personal character trait, a failing,
00:01:56.340 | a negative trait that has dogged my heels
00:02:00.020 | for the last few years with radical personal finance.
00:02:02.880 | I've worked hard to overcome it.
00:02:05.120 | I've made good progress, but I'm still not satisfied.
00:02:08.060 | I still see things happening again and again,
00:02:10.980 | where because I can't do something as well
00:02:12.700 | as I would like to,
00:02:14.020 | I pull back and don't get it done at all.
00:02:16.940 | And so this series would be an example like that.
00:02:18.820 | I know of no subject that causes more conflict
00:02:23.340 | in the area of finances and money than marriage,
00:02:28.340 | marital relations, marriage problems, marriage philosophies,
00:02:33.500 | whether to enter into marriage or not be married.
00:02:37.100 | If you were to survey the average person,
00:02:41.420 | you will find that money fights
00:02:44.220 | are often a major component of their marriage,
00:02:47.520 | and their marriage is a major component
00:02:49.800 | of their money challenges.
00:02:51.380 | And so it feels quite neglectful for me
00:02:55.980 | not to address the subject and give you some thoughts
00:02:58.500 | and some research,
00:02:59.420 | but because it's such a difficult subject
00:03:01.360 | where we all have such strong experiences
00:03:04.680 | that are emotionally vivid,
00:03:06.740 | and because we all have such strong ideas,
00:03:10.020 | depending on what personal background we come from,
00:03:13.260 | it's the kind of subject that I feel like
00:03:14.960 | needs to be dealt with very, very carefully.
00:03:16.980 | And frankly, this is true of almost any subject.
00:03:19.900 | One of my personal ambitions
00:03:22.180 | in building Radical Personal Finance was to be accurate
00:03:24.700 | and somewhat authoritative
00:03:26.220 | in the topics that I would discuss.
00:03:28.180 | I was frustrated with inaccurate information
00:03:30.720 | being presented in the popular space of personal finance.
00:03:34.580 | And so I've always felt this desire
00:03:36.540 | to be academically accurate.
00:03:38.580 | Unfortunately, it's hard to know everything.
00:03:41.140 | I make lots of mistakes.
00:03:42.740 | And in an effort to try to avoid making mistakes,
00:03:46.020 | I often mire myself in research.
00:03:48.620 | And in the way my brain works,
00:03:50.420 | my brain works in terms of claim, counterclaim,
00:03:53.820 | rebuttals, et cetera.
00:03:54.900 | I can think through the logic of most statements
00:03:58.140 | and think about all of the rebuttals.
00:03:59.700 | And I've often had the desire to present things.
00:04:02.660 | And I often have this desire to do it comprehensively,
00:04:06.400 | to wit, even the explanation that I'm giving you right now,
00:04:09.440 | some people could bring into three sentences,
00:04:11.680 | but I have this desire, this impulse
00:04:13.820 | to try to communicate comprehensively what's happening.
00:04:16.700 | And I'm doing it because I think it will help you
00:04:18.580 | to both understand me and to hopefully evade
00:04:22.100 | and learn how to overcome your own procrastination as well,
00:04:25.820 | as I am doing myself.
00:04:27.980 | Because of this desire to be complete,
00:04:29.700 | I often have this drive to create comprehensive information
00:04:34.460 | that is absolutely irrefutable.
00:04:36.900 | I wanna make a case so strongly
00:04:39.100 | that my position is irrefutable
00:04:40.740 | because I know I'm gonna put this out there
00:04:42.420 | and then the internet's gonna judge
00:04:43.700 | and I want my content to be irrefutable.
00:04:46.280 | Well, unfortunately, that's not a good thing.
00:04:48.840 | Because first, of course, irrefutable content
00:04:51.580 | is often extremely lengthy.
00:04:53.760 | And when you take a, say a 10 minute simple concept
00:04:57.760 | that if you just presented it simply,
00:04:59.560 | it would have broad appeal
00:05:00.900 | because it could be consumed in 10 minutes.
00:05:02.760 | And you expand it to 60 minutes to handle all of the rebuttals
00:05:06.320 | and all of the counter arguments, et cetera,
00:05:07.840 | it has much more limited appeal.
00:05:10.280 | But more importantly, it's hard to do that.
00:05:12.880 | It's hard to come up with all of the rebuttals
00:05:15.480 | and it takes a lot of time.
00:05:17.320 | It takes time to develop the outlines.
00:05:19.520 | It takes time to make sure that your lists are exhaustive.
00:05:22.160 | And because of the enormity of certain topics,
00:05:25.680 | I have often found myself just stuck in the mud,
00:05:28.520 | not getting stuff done because it's simply too big.
00:05:33.520 | And that must be fixed.
00:05:37.140 | That is not a good character trait.
00:05:40.320 | I will change that.
00:05:44.320 | I'm making it to you now as a public declaration
00:05:47.120 | to force myself out of the pride
00:05:49.880 | of putting myself in a situation to change it.
00:05:53.200 | It will change.
00:05:54.560 | And so my commitment is we begin this new year
00:05:59.160 | is to produce more,
00:06:02.120 | now some people would say produce more bad work,
00:06:06.140 | produce more cursory content,
00:06:08.680 | to just simply let fly
00:06:11.360 | with things that are not so comprehensive.
00:06:14.100 | Because if this is not solved, if I don't change this,
00:06:18.760 | the entire project of radical personal finance
00:06:22.000 | will forever remain a fraction of what it could be
00:06:26.320 | if I don't solve that.
00:06:28.040 | And so you are gonna be hearing in the coming years,
00:06:31.760 | you're gonna be hearing much more straightforward,
00:06:36.760 | turn on the microphone and let it go, work.
00:06:40.000 | That's not an excuse for mediocrity
00:06:42.760 | in terms of my own delivery.
00:06:45.140 | That's not an excuse for not being prepared.
00:06:48.740 | None of that, just simply that I'm going to be less focused
00:06:52.420 | on being comprehensive
00:06:54.780 | so that I can create more helpful content.
00:06:58.420 | We begin that in today's discussion.
00:07:02.520 | As I said, I don't know of anything that's more difficult
00:07:06.780 | in money than relationships, than marriage.
00:07:10.100 | And it's hard to find anything
00:07:11.300 | that's more difficult in marriage than money.
00:07:14.040 | And so it seems important to talk about.
00:07:17.240 | But because there are so many variations,
00:07:21.280 | so many questions, so many things,
00:07:23.280 | I've never felt like I had
00:07:24.680 | that comprehensive encyclopedic answer,
00:07:27.520 | which obviously is a foolish thing to expect anyone to have.
00:07:31.680 | And that's what's held me back.
00:07:32.720 | But I'm not gonna stop at this point.
00:07:34.480 | I'm gonna talk about it.
00:07:36.280 | And in this part of the series,
00:07:39.120 | I am specifically desiring to speak to young men.
00:07:44.120 | That is my goal.
00:07:45.620 | I'm picturing in this series, my son.
00:07:48.820 | Picturing him in his early to middle teenage years.
00:07:53.500 | And I'm picturing giving him advice about finding a wife.
00:07:58.500 | So if you are a young listener,
00:08:01.940 | this series will help you.
00:08:05.660 | Because I personally believe
00:08:08.100 | that finding a good wife
00:08:10.580 | is one of the most important things
00:08:13.380 | that a young man can do.
00:08:14.580 | It's one of the most valuable things
00:08:18.580 | that a young man can engage in.
00:08:22.660 | It's very rare when I find a happily married husband,
00:08:28.360 | it's very rare to find a man
00:08:30.900 | who will put money ahead of his wife.
00:08:33.340 | I personally am very fortunate
00:08:37.180 | that I found an excellent wife.
00:08:38.780 | I'm married to an excellent woman.
00:08:40.540 | I would quickly, if necessary,
00:08:46.580 | I would quickly sacrifice
00:08:49.300 | any financial amount of money that I needed to,
00:08:52.980 | to see to her wellbeing.
00:08:54.620 | If she were sick,
00:08:57.260 | we would spend all our money to try to get her well,
00:08:59.220 | if that were necessary.
00:09:00.460 | And I think most men would do that.
00:09:03.140 | In fact, I think most men do that.
00:09:06.620 | But there are some caveats though.
00:09:09.500 | You'll notice, for example,
00:09:10.540 | that I've used the word excellent
00:09:13.100 | as an adjective describing my wife, an excellent wife.
00:09:16.700 | Now, of course, those of you who are familiar
00:09:19.460 | with the scriptures,
00:09:21.220 | the Jewish and Christian scriptures in the Old Testament
00:09:23.260 | will quickly connote or quickly be reminded
00:09:27.300 | of the verse in Proverbs that uses that adjective,
00:09:29.820 | an excellent wife.
00:09:31.440 | There's a verse in the book of Proverbs 31
00:09:34.340 | that says, "An excellent wife, who can find?
00:09:38.700 | She is far more precious than jewels.
00:09:42.420 | The heart of her husband trusts in her
00:09:44.660 | and he will have no lack of gain."
00:09:47.100 | So for me personally,
00:09:49.140 | that statement about the fact that my wife
00:09:51.460 | is an extremely valuable asset to me
00:09:54.380 | is both an observational fact,
00:09:58.180 | me just simply observing my life,
00:10:00.140 | observing the lives of other people
00:10:02.580 | and recognizing it to be true.
00:10:04.340 | And it's also a theological statement of faith.
00:10:06.940 | The Bible says it and so I affirm it,
00:10:09.660 | whether or not I fully understand it.
00:10:11.740 | But there are those modifiers.
00:10:14.660 | And I wanna focus on that for just a moment
00:10:17.620 | as a way of broaching this topic.
00:10:20.060 | Because if you just wanna go out and get married,
00:10:22.540 | you could do that pretty easily.
00:10:24.180 | You can go out, if you're a dude,
00:10:25.180 | you can go out and you can find a girl who'll marry you.
00:10:26.860 | There are plenty of them out there.
00:10:28.740 | But it's harder to marry well.
00:10:31.380 | It's harder to find an excellent wife.
00:10:33.900 | And there is a lot of pre-work that needs to be done,
00:10:37.740 | a lot of preparation.
00:10:39.020 | That particular verse in Proverbs says this,
00:10:43.260 | "An excellent wife, who can find?"
00:10:46.180 | Question mark.
00:10:48.940 | An excellent wife, who can find?
00:10:52.420 | And I like some of the various translations of this.
00:10:54.580 | So if you're not familiar with the concept of translations,
00:10:58.700 | the original scripture here is written in ancient Hebrew.
00:11:01.540 | And then modern English translations
00:11:03.260 | are translated in different ways by different people
00:11:05.940 | and different teams of translators.
00:11:07.740 | But here are some of the various translations.
00:11:10.340 | A wife of noble character, who can find?
00:11:14.180 | She is worth far more than rubies.
00:11:18.380 | Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
00:11:22.420 | She is more precious than rubies.
00:11:27.020 | Who can find a virtuous woman?
00:11:29.460 | For her price is far above rubies.
00:11:32.020 | Contemporary English version, which is a paraphrase,
00:11:34.980 | says this, "A truly good wife
00:11:36.700 | "is the most precious treasure a man can find."
00:11:39.980 | I like the good news translation.
00:11:41.700 | It says this, "How hard it is to find a capable wife.
00:11:45.740 | "She is worth far more than jewels."
00:11:49.780 | Or another version, "Who can find a worthy woman?"
00:11:56.700 | Aramaic Bible in plain English says,
00:11:58.660 | "Who finds a diligent woman?
00:12:01.540 | "For she is precious beyond incomparable precious stones."
00:12:06.540 | Another translation, "Who can find a wife
00:12:10.700 | "with a strong character?
00:12:13.060 | "She is worth far more than jewels."
00:12:15.980 | Or, "A woman of valor, who can find?
00:12:18.180 | "For her price is far above rubies."
00:12:20.660 | Who shall find a virtuous woman?
00:12:25.140 | For such a one is more valuable than precious stones.
00:12:28.620 | Who shall find a valiant woman?
00:12:31.220 | Far and from the uttermost coasts is the price of her.
00:12:35.340 | A woman of worth, who doth find?
00:12:40.140 | Yay, far above rubies is her price.
00:12:42.380 | So you can see in all of these different translations
00:12:44.820 | that there is a modifier, an adjective,
00:12:49.060 | that modifies the word wife or woman.
00:12:53.820 | And that is a modifier of excellence.
00:12:56.720 | That is the hard thing, to find an excellent or worthy
00:13:02.820 | or noble or virtuous wife.
00:13:05.860 | And it's that kind of wife that is more valuable than money.
00:13:12.420 | It's that kind of wife that is more valuable than jewels.
00:13:16.660 | Of course, it should be fairly self-evident
00:13:18.100 | that we can substitute money for jewels or rubies.
00:13:21.460 | These were old-fashioned expressions of money.
00:13:24.980 | Most, I mean, of course, they still have that reality
00:13:27.340 | of being expensive, costly things.
00:13:28.940 | But the meaning, the poetic meaning is clear.
00:13:32.100 | An excellent wife is more valuable than money.
00:13:35.520 | That does not mean that a wife is more valuable than money,
00:13:40.520 | but an excellent wife is.
00:13:45.420 | And herein, we find the conflict of the modern age.
00:13:47.700 | How do we find an excellent wife?
00:13:49.220 | What is an excellent wife?
00:13:51.440 | How would we define such a woman?
00:13:53.740 | How would we know such a woman if we met her?
00:13:58.460 | What would be the standards that we would hold up
00:14:01.780 | that we would judge her by
00:14:03.220 | to see if she was worth more than money?
00:14:06.140 | Just any wife, just any woman,
00:14:10.580 | a non-excellent wife is not more valuable than money.
00:14:14.540 | A woman without virtue is not more valuable
00:14:17.440 | than rubies or jewels.
00:14:20.380 | In fact, your life will become a living hell.
00:14:22.640 | In fact, we could take one of my other favorite Proverbs
00:14:26.520 | and preach from it.
00:14:27.360 | From chapter 17 of the book of Proverbs,
00:14:29.900 | "Better is a dry morsel with quiet
00:14:34.220 | "than a house full of feasting with strife."
00:14:38.660 | Or, "Better a dry crust eaten in peace
00:14:43.620 | "than a house filled with feasting and conflict."
00:14:49.600 | So from that, we can see this obvious parallels.
00:14:52.060 | Either you can find an excellent wife
00:14:54.720 | and her presence will be far more valuable than any money.
00:15:00.700 | She's worth more than rubies, than jewels, than money.
00:15:05.680 | But if you don't choose carefully,
00:15:07.580 | better a dry crust with peace and quiet,
00:15:13.740 | better a dry crust with peace and quiet
00:15:16.140 | than a house full of feasting with strife.
00:15:19.200 | Or perhaps we could preach from Proverbs 25.
00:15:23.160 | Better to live,
00:15:25.000 | "It's better to live in a corner of the housetop
00:15:27.320 | "than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife."
00:15:30.400 | On this one, I like the New Living translation.
00:15:32.680 | "It's better to live alone in the corner of an attic
00:15:36.260 | "than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home."
00:15:40.140 | You go back to the King James.
00:15:42.880 | "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop
00:15:46.020 | "than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.
00:15:50.000 | "Better to live on the corner of a roof
00:15:53.000 | "than to share a house with a nagging wife."
00:15:56.480 | Anyway, you get the point.
00:15:57.840 | So we have this incredible parallel here.
00:16:00.160 | We have this parallel of things being really valuable,
00:16:04.320 | of a good wife being really valuable,
00:16:06.720 | but a bad wife being one of the worst curses
00:16:09.480 | you can ever go through.
00:16:10.680 | Now, here's what I find very interesting,
00:16:14.360 | back to the original Bible verse
00:16:16.200 | that I started this series on, from Proverbs 31.
00:16:18.900 | "An excellent wife, who can find?
00:16:21.400 | "She is far more precious than jewels.
00:16:24.200 | "The heart of her husband trusts in her,
00:16:28.780 | "and he will have no lack of gain."
00:16:32.620 | Again, the heart of her husband trusts in her,
00:16:38.340 | and he will have no lack of gain.
00:16:44.340 | Let me give you a couple of variations on this one.
00:16:49.340 | The New Living, "Her husband can trust her,
00:16:51.880 | "and she will greatly enrich his life."
00:16:54.700 | Or, "The heart of her husband trusts in her,
00:17:00.140 | "and he will not lack anything good."
00:17:02.360 | Or, "Her husband depends on her,
00:17:07.240 | "and she never lets him down."
00:17:09.220 | Good News Translation,
00:17:11.780 | "Her husband puts his confidence in her,
00:17:14.380 | "and he will never be poor."
00:17:19.180 | Interesting, huh?
00:17:25.760 | See the parallel here?
00:17:27.020 | The parallel between wealth, a woman,
00:17:31.660 | a virtuous and excellent wife,
00:17:33.700 | being more valuable than money,
00:17:35.820 | and yet that woman, because she is trustworthy
00:17:39.180 | and worthy of her husband's confidence,
00:17:42.140 | his ensuing prosperity.
00:17:44.820 | An excellent woman leads to prosperity.
00:17:50.260 | On the other hand, better to be poor
00:17:55.300 | than with a nagging or quarrelsome wife.
00:17:59.580 | Better to live on the corner of a rooftop
00:18:01.620 | than with a nagging or quarrelsome wife.
00:18:07.340 | Now, these are all Bible verses.
00:18:09.920 | What I find interesting is to look at modern life
00:18:14.100 | and to see, can you see evidence born out in real life
00:18:18.380 | or in your own experience of these things?
00:18:20.480 | My observation, my experience,
00:18:23.660 | I have an intense interest in the subject,
00:18:25.180 | I talk, I ask a lot of people when I have the chance
00:18:27.300 | about their own personal experiences.
00:18:29.140 | My own experience has born out this truth
00:18:31.740 | that I'm trying to draw,
00:18:32.640 | this dividing line between these two things.
00:18:36.700 | I'm thrilled to have been blessed with an excellent wife.
00:18:40.580 | And because my wife is excellent,
00:18:44.540 | I enjoy a lot of gain.
00:18:48.580 | I enjoy a lot of growth.
00:18:49.780 | I enjoy a lot of riches, both monetary and otherwise.
00:18:54.640 | But man, I have sure known and seen some quarrelsome women
00:19:00.540 | and I would walk away in an instant
00:19:04.220 | and never want to be with them.
00:19:06.340 | So when we talk about marriage,
00:19:07.500 | you better take this very, very carefully and seriously
00:19:10.500 | because if you choose well,
00:19:13.060 | there are a lot of blessings that come with it.
00:19:17.060 | If you don't choose well,
00:19:18.800 | there are a lot of curses that come with it
00:19:23.260 | and these curses are financial.
00:19:25.220 | Perhaps the most obvious expression of this
00:19:29.460 | would be if you look and study the lives of wealthy men,
00:19:34.340 | it would be very rare to find a wealthy man
00:19:37.460 | who did not have an excellent wife
00:19:42.300 | keeping his house together
00:19:44.060 | because it's not possible to simultaneously be
00:19:50.340 | the world's greatest businessman
00:19:53.380 | and the world's greatest father
00:19:55.900 | and the world's greatest husband
00:19:57.380 | and the world's greatest investor
00:19:59.780 | if you don't have help.
00:20:04.140 | You can't do it.
00:20:05.060 | Now, I'm sure that there are many, of course, who try,
00:20:10.140 | who are forced into the position of being a single father
00:20:12.540 | and they dedicate themselves to it as best as they can,
00:20:15.380 | but it's tough, it's hard.
00:20:17.860 | And so there are just some practical realities
00:20:21.900 | that are important to recognize.
00:20:24.760 | Now, I wanna give you some thoughts about preparation
00:20:29.720 | because the first thing I'm convinced
00:20:32.700 | that you have to do in order to find and attract
00:20:36.940 | an excellent wife is to be an excellent man,
00:20:41.940 | to be an excellent husband
00:20:46.940 | because an excellent wife
00:20:48.700 | will be very discerning in her tastes.
00:20:51.420 | She'll be very careful in the decisions that she makes.
00:20:54.940 | And so you've got to be the kind of man
00:21:00.340 | that an excellent wife will be attracted to.
00:21:02.900 | And it would be best if you would become that kind of man
00:21:10.300 | at a very early age
00:21:12.980 | because you will have a much higher probability
00:21:17.940 | of being able to find and attract
00:21:21.620 | and marry an excellent wife
00:21:24.220 | if you will be an excellent man at an early age.
00:21:30.240 | There are massive, massive benefits
00:21:33.380 | that come from marrying young, if you marry well.
00:21:38.380 | My wife and I married when we were both 26,
00:21:41.500 | which is about the average median age
00:21:43.820 | at which most people marry.
00:21:45.220 | We were right in line with the statistical norms.
00:21:48.340 | I wish I had married younger.
00:21:50.220 | I think she wishes that too.
00:21:51.180 | I should ask her before putting those words in her mouth,
00:21:53.580 | but I wish I had married younger.
00:21:55.540 | Now, there is some statistical sociological data
00:21:59.460 | that indicates that marriages are shorter lived
00:22:02.620 | among younger people who marry
00:22:05.020 | than among people who marry
00:22:06.260 | when they are reaching a different stage of maturity,
00:22:09.180 | mid-20s, is where that statistical analysis changes.
00:22:13.340 | You should be aware of that.
00:22:15.460 | I'm personally not distrustful of that data,
00:22:18.180 | but I'm distrustful of the causes involved in it.
00:22:20.700 | I don't wanna delve too deeply into that.
00:22:23.500 | You should be aware of that data,
00:22:25.420 | but I don't see any reason why my wife and I
00:22:29.300 | would not have been able to build a successful of a marriage
00:22:34.300 | if we had married younger.
00:22:36.640 | And I've taken a poll of many of my friends,
00:22:41.120 | and most of them, at least the ones,
00:22:43.780 | this is just a very casual poll, casual sampling,
00:22:46.500 | just in personal communication,
00:22:48.840 | but most of us who are married well,
00:22:51.660 | most men I know who are married well make two comments.
00:22:56.860 | Number one, they are very happy to be married.
00:23:00.740 | They're very happy to be married.
00:23:04.980 | If they married well.
00:23:09.060 | And most of the people that I hang out with
00:23:13.020 | have married well.
00:23:14.700 | And they're very happy to be married.
00:23:17.140 | Very rarely, we joke about this sometimes,
00:23:19.820 | me with some of my other married friends,
00:23:22.220 | and we say, "Would you ever wanna go back to being single?"
00:23:25.100 | And the answer is no, not a bit.
00:23:27.060 | Nobody sits back and says,
00:23:29.940 | "Man, I wish I could go back to college
00:23:31.580 | "and get some more girls."
00:23:33.100 | None of us say that.
00:23:35.300 | All of us are thrilled and happy with married life
00:23:39.900 | if we're married well.
00:23:41.220 | The second thing has been an appreciation of marrying young.
00:23:47.220 | Again, lots of benefits.
00:23:50.340 | I'll briefly mention more on that
00:23:54.060 | towards the end of this show in later in my outline.
00:23:56.700 | So I wanna talk about preparation.
00:23:57.860 | I'm gonna keep this simple
00:23:58.700 | and give you some specific suggestions
00:24:00.620 | for you as a younger man
00:24:02.820 | of how to prepare yourself to be the kind of man
00:24:08.500 | that would be attractive to an excellent wife.
00:24:11.380 | Number one, be a man.
00:24:14.700 | Grow up and be a man.
00:24:18.620 | I'm not perfect on my language.
00:24:21.660 | I slip sometimes.
00:24:23.280 | But I work very diligently to never refer
00:24:26.620 | to people who are past the age of adolescence
00:24:31.020 | or who are in the age of adolescence or past it as kids.
00:24:36.020 | I slip up sometimes.
00:24:37.580 | I concede that.
00:24:39.620 | It's hard.
00:24:40.620 | In a society where we call 20-year-olds kids,
00:24:44.460 | it's hard to not slip up.
00:24:45.900 | But I try very hard to never refer to people
00:24:48.420 | who are past, say, double digits, 10, 11, 12, 13,
00:24:52.180 | as anything other than young men and young women.
00:24:55.040 | And I do that intentionally
00:24:56.960 | because we live in a culture
00:24:58.320 | that praises the infantilization of men and women
00:25:02.120 | and wants to keep boys as boys until you're 35 years old,
00:25:06.120 | which is ridiculous.
00:25:08.200 | Grow up and be a man.
00:25:10.800 | And that will happen as soon as you decide it will.
00:25:15.800 | You can either choose to continue to be an infant, a kid,
00:25:20.080 | into your 30s at this point or even longer,
00:25:22.380 | and society will pretty much bear with you,
00:25:25.140 | or you can choose to be a man.
00:25:27.140 | I recommend that you choose to grow up and be a man.
00:25:32.620 | What does that mean?
00:25:33.460 | Well, there are many things,
00:25:34.940 | but specifically, embrace the concept of adulthood.
00:25:39.940 | Set a clear course for your life.
00:25:43.740 | Set goals for yourself and pursue them.
00:25:49.540 | Develop ambition.
00:25:50.940 | Develop a plan.
00:25:53.040 | And if you'll do that, if you'll set out goals,
00:25:55.960 | if you'll develop ambition and make a plan,
00:25:58.840 | that process of personal growth
00:26:01.060 | that you will need to go through
00:26:02.280 | in order to achieve your goals
00:26:04.120 | will, in time, bring you into a position of manhood.
00:26:08.540 | I don't know of any bright line indicator
00:26:11.320 | that could be used to establish
00:26:13.280 | if somebody is a boy or a man.
00:26:15.480 | I have no use for chronological indicators,
00:26:19.480 | except as a general understanding.
00:26:22.400 | For example, I would not call a five-year-old boy a man,
00:26:25.840 | or would I necessarily call a 30-year-old a man,
00:26:30.660 | although I'd be much more inclined
00:26:33.280 | to call the 30-year-old a man than a five-year-old.
00:26:35.280 | Has much more to do with indicators of behavior.
00:26:37.860 | Now, not the absurd and stupid indicators
00:26:40.720 | of behavior either.
00:26:41.540 | You're not a man if you get drunk.
00:26:43.460 | You're not a man if you've lost your virginity.
00:26:46.160 | You're not a man if you've learned
00:26:47.260 | how to swear like a sailor.
00:26:49.180 | There are other aspects of masculinity
00:26:52.940 | and manhood that are important.
00:26:54.880 | But to keep things simple today,
00:26:58.060 | set out a clear course for your life
00:27:00.740 | and embrace the advances of life.
00:27:03.600 | It's not attractive to try to retain
00:27:09.740 | your status as an infant or as a boy.
00:27:14.420 | There is nothing attractive about a 20-year-old
00:27:18.380 | choosing not to grow up.
00:27:20.220 | Embrace the responsibility of life.
00:27:25.420 | Lean your shoulder into it and work hard at it,
00:27:28.740 | and you'll start to enjoy the benefits
00:27:30.900 | that come with manhood.
00:27:34.180 | Now, here's what's interesting
00:27:35.180 | in the vein of attracting a woman.
00:27:39.340 | If you will be a man, if you'll act like a man,
00:27:42.340 | if you'll study masculinity,
00:27:43.680 | what does it mean to be a man and become one
00:27:47.580 | or start the process of becoming one?
00:27:50.060 | If you'll set a clear course for your own life,
00:27:53.960 | your own personal goals,
00:27:55.540 | you'll have plenty of marriage prospects
00:27:58.760 | available to you if you want them.
00:28:00.460 | Now, you may not want them.
00:28:02.700 | You might choose to never marry.
00:28:05.460 | There are many men who make that choice,
00:28:07.020 | and I don't think it's a foolish choice.
00:28:10.260 | It is better for you to never marry
00:28:13.280 | than to marry a non-excellent woman.
00:28:16.960 | It is much better for you to stay single
00:28:21.120 | than to marry a nagging woman.
00:28:24.620 | So it's better to never marry than to marry poorly,
00:28:32.820 | but I am convinced it's better to marry well
00:28:35.820 | than to not marry at all
00:28:37.480 | if you can find an excellent wife.
00:28:40.880 | The great thing is if you will set out goals for your life,
00:28:43.880 | if you'll set out a course, if you'll develop ambition,
00:28:46.640 | that will suit you if you never marry.
00:28:51.880 | That will help you to enjoy a life of singleness
00:28:56.800 | as a single man,
00:28:57.960 | but it will also be extremely attractive to excellent women,
00:29:03.720 | and you will have plenty of marriage prospects.
00:29:07.500 | Now, I can quit with that.
00:29:08.420 | If you'll take just the simple,
00:29:10.940 | undefined language that I used of be a man,
00:29:13.420 | grow up and be a man,
00:29:15.460 | and you'll develop what that means to you, that's enough,
00:29:19.220 | but I wanna give you another, a few more points.
00:29:22.180 | If you would like to develop,
00:29:25.260 | I'm sorry, if you would like to attract to you
00:29:27.620 | an excellent wife,
00:29:29.140 | it will help you to be rich.
00:29:33.980 | It will also help you at least
00:29:35.500 | to be on your way to being rich.
00:29:37.420 | Wealth is extremely attractive to women.
00:29:41.820 | Wealth is extremely attractive to women.
00:29:48.900 | You don't need me to cite any data here.
00:29:52.460 | Just consider your own experience and look around.
00:29:54.980 | Wealth is extremely attractive to women.
00:30:02.620 | Now, here's what's neat about that.
00:30:04.180 | Wealth can be developed.
00:30:05.780 | It can be achieved.
00:30:06.620 | It can be accomplished.
00:30:08.220 | That's what I talk about here all day, every day,
00:30:11.260 | and as part of becoming a man,
00:30:13.500 | you should naturally become wealthy.
00:30:16.500 | Part of being a man is being independent,
00:30:19.740 | providing for yourself.
00:30:21.180 | Well, what do you need to be independent
00:30:22.340 | and providing for yourself?
00:30:23.340 | You need a source of income.
00:30:24.700 | You need a livelihood.
00:30:25.620 | You need a job.
00:30:26.460 | You need a business,
00:30:27.380 | and so if you get a job, you'll have income.
00:30:30.380 | If you start a business, you'll have income.
00:30:32.820 | Then part of being a man involves being prudent,
00:30:35.500 | being frugal, saving money.
00:30:37.340 | Well, what happens if you have a job and you save money,
00:30:39.820 | you start to actually be wealthy?
00:30:43.300 | The great thing about this is it can be done
00:30:45.340 | in an age-appropriate way.
00:30:46.740 | No one expects a 15-year-old young man
00:30:49.100 | to have as much wealth as a 45-year-old man ought to have.
00:30:52.300 | So you can begin the process of becoming wealthy,
00:30:57.500 | and wealth is extremely attractive to women.
00:31:01.300 | Here's also what's cool,
00:31:04.300 | especially if you're starting young.
00:31:06.100 | You don't actually have to currently be rich
00:31:11.220 | or be wealthy to be attractive,
00:31:13.300 | but if you are ambitious or if you have the character
00:31:17.900 | and the clarity of plan that you know you will be rich,
00:31:21.940 | that's attractive.
00:31:26.140 | See, when you're younger,
00:31:28.060 | a younger woman has different standards
00:31:32.180 | than an older woman does, and she should.
00:31:35.380 | It would be absurd for a 20-year-old woman
00:31:39.300 | to state as one of her criteria
00:31:41.660 | that she's only willing to marry a man who is a millionaire.
00:31:45.420 | It would be a very vanishingly rare 20-year-old
00:31:48.700 | who was a millionaire of their own hand.
00:31:50.740 | So that would be absurd.
00:31:54.420 | But you can be a 20-year-old
00:31:56.580 | who's on your way to being a millionaire,
00:31:58.980 | and an excellent woman, an excellent wife,
00:32:02.180 | will be able to identify the character traits,
00:32:04.900 | and she'll be attracted to those character traits.
00:32:09.340 | So if you're not rich, start with being ambitious.
00:32:13.340 | Be ambitious.
00:32:16.660 | Set goals.
00:32:18.060 | Have ambition.
00:32:19.860 | And a young woman, if you are young,
00:32:21.740 | a young woman who is serious and interested in marriage,
00:32:25.540 | she will identify those character traits,
00:32:27.860 | and they'll be attractive to her.
00:32:30.380 | I do believe at this point
00:32:33.060 | that a cautionary statement is warranted.
00:32:36.460 | I think it's wise to be careful
00:32:40.020 | in how you display the symbols of wealth
00:32:42.900 | so that you send the right signals to the right women.
00:32:48.980 | Here, I think it's a major danger
00:32:51.220 | to focus just on flashy, ostentatious displays of wealth,
00:32:56.220 | because if you do that,
00:32:58.180 | you run the risk of attracting a woman
00:33:00.740 | who is interested in flashy, ostentatious displays of wealth.
00:33:05.020 | Unfortunately, especially at a young age,
00:33:07.540 | flashy, ostentatious displays of wealth
00:33:09.700 | don't actually lead to becoming wealthy.
00:33:13.860 | Simple example would be an automobile.
00:33:15.420 | Of course, this is changing in a modern culture,
00:33:17.540 | but traditionally in US American culture,
00:33:19.580 | the car that you drive says a lot about you.
00:33:21.780 | But if you're 20 years old
00:33:24.420 | and you're driving a brand new, fancy leased car,
00:33:27.620 | and unless you have a massive income
00:33:31.220 | that you've already developed behind it,
00:33:33.500 | that's a good sign that you're not destined to be wealthy.
00:33:36.540 | And the kind of woman who would be attractive
00:33:40.060 | to that kind of status indicator
00:33:42.460 | is also probably the kind of woman
00:33:45.220 | who will consume a whole lot of your income
00:33:47.780 | and keep you from being wealthy.
00:33:49.420 | And so since in order for you to actually become wealthy,
00:33:53.420 | frugality will be required,
00:33:55.580 | it would be good to be able to demonstrate that frugality
00:33:59.220 | and to choose a woman who is also frugal.
00:34:02.340 | It is almost impossible, virtually impossible
00:34:08.980 | for you to out-earn a spendthrift wife.
00:34:13.660 | And so you better be careful
00:34:14.820 | that you don't attract one.
00:34:16.660 | So think carefully here,
00:34:17.820 | it's a good idea not to be too flashy.
00:34:20.060 | So be rich or be on your way to being rich
00:34:26.500 | because wealth is extremely attractive to women.
00:34:29.580 | Focus on it, set out a course and work your plan.
00:34:34.580 | If that means that you need a job, get a job.
00:34:37.300 | If that means that you need an academic credential,
00:34:40.100 | go get a college degree.
00:34:41.580 | If that means you need to start a business, get after it.
00:34:44.780 | Get busy and build wealth.
00:34:47.820 | And if you will do that,
00:34:49.460 | you will find your pool of prospects to be very broad.
00:34:53.100 | Next, be physically attractive.
00:34:57.100 | You must be physically attractive.
00:35:00.700 | Don't be sloppy, don't be weak,
00:35:04.820 | don't be small, don't be puny.
00:35:07.980 | Now there are some things you can control
00:35:09.380 | and some things you can't.
00:35:10.260 | You can't control the size of your nose
00:35:12.780 | or the jut of your chin,
00:35:15.020 | but you can control if you're sloppily obese,
00:35:18.100 | you can control if you're weak and a wimp.
00:35:22.100 | So get busy and start becoming physically attractive.
00:35:26.100 | Men who are physically attractive
00:35:28.100 | are extremely attractive to women.
00:35:29.960 | So become physically attractive.
00:35:34.100 | Control the things that you can control.
00:35:36.500 | And at the very least, don't be sloppy.
00:35:39.220 | Now here's what's neat.
00:35:41.980 | If you will work on becoming strong, fit,
00:35:46.260 | that will be helpful to you in your quest for wealth.
00:35:51.740 | Your physical health will make a big difference
00:35:54.060 | in your ability over time to earn an income.
00:35:56.540 | Your physical health and energy and vitality and stamina
00:35:59.820 | will be a large determinant of how hard you can work,
00:36:04.460 | how long you can work,
00:36:06.020 | the type of energy that you can bring
00:36:07.580 | to your work interactions.
00:36:09.380 | And so your health will impact your wealth.
00:36:12.100 | And then in reverse, it's also true.
00:36:15.620 | The more money you have,
00:36:17.380 | the more money you can spend on improving your health.
00:36:20.300 | And if you look at the expenditures of wealthy people,
00:36:23.060 | they usually will accumulate some status symbols over time,
00:36:26.020 | but then quickly they realize
00:36:27.580 | that investments in their own physical health
00:36:29.380 | are some of the most productive investments.
00:36:32.220 | And so these two things are inextricably linked.
00:36:34.580 | You have to have and work on both of them.
00:36:37.240 | So become physically attractive, become strong.
00:36:41.580 | If you'll do that, they'll play off of one another.
00:36:48.260 | And so you can identify two of the most important,
00:36:51.700 | most attractive things to women,
00:36:53.780 | and they work off of each other.
00:36:55.960 | I remind you, here's the cool thing.
00:36:57.760 | They're great for you personally,
00:37:01.260 | regardless of whether you ever marry or not.
00:37:04.180 | And so there's no downside to becoming wealthy.
00:37:07.600 | There's no downside to becoming strong and vibrant
00:37:11.000 | and healthy and physically attractive.
00:37:13.100 | There's no downside.
00:37:15.080 | Next, be a man of integrity and character.
00:37:22.200 | Be a man of integrity and character.
00:37:26.780 | Be a virtuous man.
00:37:28.320 | Because an excellent wife is one
00:37:33.760 | who will be attracted to your character and moral virtue
00:37:38.200 | in addition to your wealth and your physical attractiveness.
00:37:42.460 | If you are wealthy and/or physically attractive,
00:37:48.680 | you can have as many women as you want.
00:37:53.260 | But if you only have wealth and/or physical attractiveness,
00:37:59.480 | it will be very hard for you to attract an excellent wife.
00:38:04.180 | Because an excellent wife will also care
00:38:07.520 | about integrity and character.
00:38:10.740 | Doubt me, put it in reverse.
00:38:14.300 | If you are a promiscuous man
00:38:18.760 | and you find a woman who is rich,
00:38:20.680 | and/or you find a woman who is attractive,
00:38:23.940 | you will have a large temptation
00:38:27.960 | to indulge in a sexual relationship with that woman.
00:38:32.760 | But it's very unlikely that you would wish
00:38:36.520 | to marry her exclusively based upon her wealth
00:38:41.000 | and/or her physical beauty.
00:38:43.600 | But if she is also a woman of integrity and character,
00:38:47.320 | and if you could put one factor of integrity and character
00:38:52.280 | together with either wealth and/or physical attractiveness,
00:38:57.300 | now you have a much brighter prospect.
00:39:01.220 | So be a man of integrity and character
00:39:04.260 | because the kind of woman that you would want to marry
00:39:07.140 | will be attracted to your character and to your moral virtue.
00:39:11.980 | Why does this matter so much?
00:39:17.620 | Well, first, you have to attract an excellent wife,
00:39:21.900 | but it also matters because in order for you
00:39:24.340 | to respect yourself, you will need to be able
00:39:28.500 | to respect your integrity and your character.
00:39:31.700 | If you put these things together,
00:39:35.500 | you will be a man who is brimming with confidence,
00:39:39.500 | personal self-confidence.
00:39:41.820 | Now, perhaps there's some possibility
00:39:45.860 | that you can develop personal self-confidence
00:39:48.000 | with some form of trickery.
00:39:50.020 | I don't personally buy it, though,
00:39:52.140 | and I think it's a very inefficient process.
00:39:53.860 | The best way to become self-confident
00:39:56.740 | is just to simply do things that would cause you
00:39:59.300 | to become self-confident,
00:40:00.500 | such as set goals and achieve them.
00:40:03.320 | Do hard things well.
00:40:05.660 | Do things with character.
00:40:07.120 | Stand up for what's right in the midst of somebody
00:40:09.780 | that tells you to do what's wrong.
00:40:11.480 | Do hard things to be frugal.
00:40:14.580 | Develop self-confidence.
00:40:15.900 | When you have money, you'll be more confident.
00:40:18.580 | When you invest well,
00:40:19.940 | you'll gain confidence in your skills.
00:40:21.820 | If you're physically attractive, you work hard,
00:40:23.620 | you push yourself physically,
00:40:25.220 | you'll be and develop more self-confidence.
00:40:28.400 | If you can respect yourself
00:40:29.820 | because of your integrity and your character,
00:40:32.060 | you'll be self-confidence.
00:40:35.160 | Now, what is incredibly appealing to women
00:40:39.860 | on a physical level, on a sexual level?
00:40:45.580 | Self-confidence.
00:40:46.660 | So you can develop confidence and self-confidence
00:40:53.340 | with all of these things together.
00:40:55.040 | Now, at this point in time,
00:40:59.020 | if you have done these things, you've developed wealth.
00:41:02.800 | If you've laid out an ambitious project
00:41:06.140 | of goal setting for yourself
00:41:07.760 | and you're on the path to becoming wealthy,
00:41:10.180 | if you're not there yet,
00:41:11.620 | if you're physically attractive,
00:41:13.860 | you've developed your own personal strength,
00:41:16.780 | you've developed your own personal style,
00:41:18.420 | you've developed your own physical attractiveness,
00:41:21.120 | you're a person of a contagority, a man of character,
00:41:24.140 | and all of these things come together
00:41:26.920 | to make you confident you now have a choice to make.
00:41:29.520 | To what end will you use your attractiveness to women?
00:41:35.620 | Because at this point,
00:41:36.640 | you will be attractive to many, many women.
00:41:39.920 | And you can either choose to pursue a wife
00:41:46.740 | or you can choose to pursue sexual indulgement
00:41:51.160 | without a wife.
00:41:54.880 | And there are two different paths here.
00:41:58.440 | Because an excellent wife that you would want to marry
00:42:02.480 | will be one who also would want you
00:42:06.260 | to maintain your own sexual purity.
00:42:09.180 | The kind of woman you would actually want to marry
00:42:13.180 | is one who has maintained her own sexual purity.
00:42:16.380 | Now, why would you expect her to do that
00:42:19.120 | if you don't expect yourself to do that?
00:42:21.640 | So you need to make a commitment
00:42:24.760 | to maintain your sexual purity until marriage.
00:42:29.460 | That's a hard decision.
00:42:33.600 | And that decision will only come out of your own personal,
00:42:38.300 | clear understanding of right and wrong,
00:42:45.640 | of your worldview,
00:42:47.200 | and of your own personal decision of the impact.
00:42:50.360 | You don't necessarily have to adopt my own worldview
00:42:53.960 | or my own convictions on the subject.
00:42:55.560 | To be clear, I believe that all sexual contact,
00:42:59.560 | contact of any kind should be reserved
00:43:03.040 | for a one-man, one-woman marriage relationship for life.
00:43:08.040 | That's simple.
00:43:09.480 | You don't necessarily have to adopt that
00:43:11.560 | to see the wisdom of it.
00:43:14.040 | Meaning that I believe any sexual contact
00:43:15.960 | outside of a one-man, one-woman relationship,
00:43:18.920 | a marriage relationship for life is sin.
00:43:21.600 | It's a violation of God's law
00:43:23.160 | and it will be judged as sin by God.
00:43:25.880 | But you can see the wisdom of that
00:43:27.400 | even if you don't personally embrace my own understanding
00:43:32.060 | of the source of that wisdom.
00:43:33.740 | Again, the kind of woman
00:43:36.060 | that you would actually want to marry
00:43:37.160 | is one who's maintained her own sexual purity.
00:43:39.880 | So if she's played the harlot for many years
00:43:42.080 | and then decided to settle down, which is very common
00:43:45.120 | among the way, in the way that women's sexual cycles work
00:43:48.400 | over the course of their lifetime,
00:43:49.640 | especially in our modern era,
00:43:51.640 | why would you be attracted to her?
00:43:53.340 | It's very common, especially in the hyper-sexualized culture
00:43:57.480 | of the United States of America,
00:43:59.000 | that women will spend years behaving like a whore
00:44:03.520 | and then finally decide,
00:44:05.800 | "Okay, I want to find the good man and settle down."
00:44:09.720 | Now at that point in time, why would you want her?
00:44:13.360 | If you study marriage, you find that sexual promiscuity
00:44:15.820 | causes deep, deep problems for marriage.
00:44:18.900 | Many of the significant interpersonal conflicts
00:44:22.960 | that men and women face in their marriage relationships,
00:44:25.360 | the things that drive them apart,
00:44:26.740 | the things that have them screaming at each other
00:44:28.480 | through the house, come from the sexual behavior
00:44:32.920 | that they've engaged in throughout their lifetime.
00:44:35.680 | Some of those scars are outside of the responsibility
00:44:38.560 | of the people involved.
00:44:40.200 | Somebody's endured abuse when they were a child.
00:44:43.200 | That was outside of the area of responsibility
00:44:44.880 | for the person.
00:44:46.340 | But some of those are fully within the responsibility
00:44:49.760 | of the individual person.
00:44:51.100 | Now obviously for a woman,
00:44:53.140 | some of the most difficult issues involve children.
00:44:55.540 | If you're interested in a woman who has bastard children,
00:44:58.780 | you'll have a very difficult time
00:45:00.480 | in your marriage relationship integrating with them.
00:45:02.500 | It's not impossible, but it's certainly difficult.
00:45:06.760 | You look at blended families and the challenges
00:45:08.840 | of those marriage relationships,
00:45:10.480 | and it's a lot easier if a woman that you're pursuing
00:45:14.560 | was never married, but still it's really, really tough.
00:45:17.480 | Not impossible, but difficult.
00:45:20.200 | And of course, that's preferable to the alternative,
00:45:22.360 | but it's super tough.
00:45:23.200 | Now the alternative, if she's aborted her children,
00:45:25.000 | you'll have a very difficult time trusting her.
00:45:27.680 | It says a lot about a woman's character
00:45:29.360 | when she'll murder her own babies
00:45:30.780 | in order to further her own life
00:45:32.060 | and her own personal ambition and freedom.
00:45:34.240 | Is that the kind of mother you want for your children?
00:45:37.080 | Thank God that repentance and forgiveness is possible,
00:45:40.520 | but if you're involved with a woman like that,
00:45:42.520 | you better see some strong fruit of repentance.
00:45:45.800 | Now, even if no children have ever entered the picture,
00:45:48.580 | you'll have strong problems
00:45:49.840 | if she's been a promiscuous woman.
00:45:51.240 | She'll have a hard time attaching to you emotionally.
00:45:54.680 | There will be a long history of others
00:45:56.480 | that you're compared to, both good things and bad things,
00:46:00.560 | both sexually and relationally.
00:46:03.780 | So your very best possible outcome
00:46:08.040 | is for you to search for a woman
00:46:10.520 | who does not have a history
00:46:12.160 | of sexual and relational promiscuity.
00:46:16.040 | Now, how do you find that in the modern world?
00:46:20.440 | Well, chances are that you'll have a better chance
00:46:25.100 | of that happening if she is young,
00:46:27.380 | which means that you also should be young.
00:46:30.520 | It's very hard to make
00:46:32.080 | cross-generational marriage relationships work.
00:46:34.840 | So your best chance of finding and attracting a young woman,
00:46:40.220 | who also is a woman of purity and virtue,
00:46:43.480 | will come when you're young.
00:46:44.880 | And then, of course, she should have a clear intention
00:46:50.100 | about maintaining her personal virtue,
00:46:53.240 | which means that you would only qualify
00:46:54.840 | to come past her radar screen
00:46:56.280 | if you've maintained your own personal sexual virtue.
00:47:00.980 | Now, there are many more things that we could say.
00:47:05.780 | My point is, you will have to make a choice.
00:47:08.540 | And I recommend to you that you make a choice
00:47:13.520 | to not choose to exercise your sexual attractiveness
00:47:18.480 | for your own personal gratification,
00:47:20.280 | because that will harm your chances of marrying well.
00:47:24.600 | (mouse clicking)
00:47:28.040 | That choice will have to be up to you,
00:47:30.400 | because if you do those other things
00:47:32.800 | that I've talked about, developing wealth,
00:47:34.920 | physical attractiveness, integrity and character, et cetera,
00:47:38.440 | if you do those things, you'll have huge options,
00:47:43.140 | you'll have huge attractiveness in the sexual marketplace.
00:47:46.160 | But if you indulge widely in the sexual marketplace
00:47:52.920 | without focusing on marriage,
00:47:54.880 | you won't be able to find an excellent wife,
00:47:57.120 | because she will reject you.
00:48:00.700 | Not because you're not attractive,
00:48:03.580 | not because you're not rich,
00:48:05.000 | but because she wants the trifecta.
00:48:09.040 | Now, I just simply tell you this.
00:48:14.640 | You should, as always, judge anything that I have said
00:48:18.880 | on your own, analyze it and judge it.
00:48:22.560 | But I'm in my mid-30s now,
00:48:23.840 | and I have watched the life course of many of my peers.
00:48:27.340 | I'm in a unique stage at this point in time
00:48:31.140 | where I should be, or I think I am,
00:48:33.680 | relatable still to young men.
00:48:35.740 | I might sound like a curmudgeon,
00:48:38.160 | but I don't look quite like a gray-haired, bearded curmudgeon.
00:48:41.760 | I'm a red-haired, bearded curmudgeon.
00:48:44.440 | So I understand I've been there.
00:48:46.960 | I can talk to a 15-year-old and clearly understand
00:48:51.160 | and remember where I was at 15.
00:48:52.640 | I won't be able to do that when I'm 60.
00:48:54.600 | But I'm also in an interesting change,
00:48:58.440 | in an interesting phase where I have watched
00:49:00.800 | the US-American culture change drastically,
00:49:03.440 | and my lifetime is the time that it's happened in.
00:49:07.600 | And I can watch my peers, my friends,
00:49:10.920 | who have made different choices,
00:49:12.360 | and I can see the clear outcome of their lives.
00:49:17.680 | If you want to marry well, you will need to be careful,
00:49:22.480 | and you will need to do things differently
00:49:25.880 | than most of your peers.
00:49:28.100 | If you don't wanna marry well, fine, do whatever you like.
00:49:34.600 | But if you wanna marry well,
00:49:36.040 | you will need to do things differently.
00:49:38.080 | I come back, as promised, to a brief discussion of age.
00:49:44.840 | My hope is that young men listen to this show,
00:49:48.980 | because you have a major benefit if you marry young.
00:49:55.760 | Caution is warranted.
00:49:59.960 | I will caution you.
00:50:01.000 | Separately, I'll talk about what to look for in a woman.
00:50:03.480 | Anticipate doing that.
00:50:04.440 | I'll share with you what I think is important
00:50:06.520 | for you to consider.
00:50:07.640 | I'll talk with you about how to find a woman.
00:50:09.680 | But at the end of the day, I am watching
00:50:12.400 | almost every one of my friends who is in their mid-30s
00:50:16.080 | who wants to be married
00:50:18.160 | have a very difficult time finding a suitable wife,
00:50:23.460 | having a very difficult time finding an excellent wife.
00:50:27.880 | Now, there is plenty of sexual activity available
00:50:32.600 | to men in their 30s,
00:50:33.880 | but there's not a lot of excellent women who are not taken.
00:50:40.960 | And so one of your major competitive advantages
00:50:43.120 | that you can develop is if you as a young man
00:50:45.200 | develop these qualities, wealth or ambition,
00:50:48.480 | ambition and personal integrity,
00:50:51.680 | character on the way to wealth,
00:50:53.360 | putting in place the framework that will eventually lead
00:50:55.880 | to wealth in your life, physical attractiveness,
00:50:58.240 | developing physical strength, et cetera,
00:51:00.160 | and integrity and character,
00:51:02.720 | you'll have a very wide selection
00:51:06.200 | of suitable marriage candidates when you're young,
00:51:09.520 | very wide.
00:51:11.160 | And because you will basically have the pick of the crop,
00:51:15.360 | so to speak, because you'll be an attractive man,
00:51:18.480 | then you can choose well
00:51:19.520 | and you can marry very discriminatingly well,
00:51:22.800 | which is incredibly helpful.
00:51:25.520 | But in order to do that,
00:51:27.860 | you'll have to have the clarity of mind.
00:51:29.560 | You'll have to have settled the question
00:51:30.700 | of whether you want to marry.
00:51:32.020 | You'll have to have settled some of those things in advance
00:51:33.900 | and be much more self-aware than I was when I was 18.
00:51:39.900 | Much more self-aware than most of my friends were
00:51:42.900 | when we were 21.
00:51:44.080 | There are huge advantages to marrying young.
00:51:48.140 | Back to wealth.
00:51:50.100 | When you marry young,
00:51:52.860 | so many things in life are better, cheaper,
00:51:56.940 | you'll have more energy,
00:51:58.020 | and the adventure of life that you can go on with your wife
00:52:03.020 | is so richly fulfilling, so deeply fulfilling and rewarding.
00:52:08.020 | And if you can do it without all of the extraneous baggage,
00:52:12.340 | friend, it is excellent.
00:52:15.100 | It's truly excellent.
00:52:16.740 | I did not have all of these qualities when I was younger.
00:52:21.460 | I was not rich when I was younger,
00:52:23.500 | made a ton of financial mistakes.
00:52:25.740 | Thankfully, I had a lot of the knowledge about those things
00:52:28.260 | and I had some good habits
00:52:29.260 | that were instilled into me by my parents,
00:52:30.860 | but I wasn't rich.
00:52:32.620 | I wasn't particularly physically attractive.
00:52:35.700 | I wasn't particularly ugly,
00:52:37.600 | but I also wasn't particularly physically attractive.
00:52:39.700 | My strength was in the area of character and integrity,
00:52:42.140 | but I didn't do everything intentionally.
00:52:44.400 | And there was a phase in my life
00:52:47.020 | that I was determined to pursue
00:52:49.920 | the path of sexual hedonism
00:52:52.460 | rather than the path of marriage.
00:52:54.220 | I thank God that I was insufferably terrible at it.
00:52:59.140 | I was a beta male through and through,
00:53:02.820 | and I was all the ladies' friends,
00:53:06.300 | and I was none of their sexual partners.
00:53:08.440 | Today, I am thankful.
00:53:10.180 | I literally view it as I was sovereignly protected,
00:53:13.740 | and I'm grateful for that.
00:53:15.380 | Now, at the time, I wasn't particularly happy about it,
00:53:17.640 | but today I'm deeply grateful for that
00:53:19.780 | because my wife, she's the only woman in the world
00:53:25.380 | that I have ever slept with.
00:53:26.840 | And me, I'm the only man in the world
00:53:31.000 | that she's ever been with.
00:53:34.000 | And the richness and the peace in our relationship
00:53:36.840 | that has come from that.
00:53:38.800 | We met when we were fairly young.
00:53:40.120 | We didn't marry until we were later.
00:53:41.520 | I wish I'd married older.
00:53:43.000 | I wish I'd married younger.
00:53:44.400 | But because so much of our experience of life
00:53:48.100 | was shared experience,
00:53:49.840 | we have almost no conflict in our marriage.
00:53:53.600 | We argue about English grammar.
00:53:56.760 | I jokingly say, but it's true,
00:53:58.320 | like we argue about English grammar.
00:54:00.340 | So many of the conflicts that I observe
00:54:02.440 | in my friends' marriages and their lives,
00:54:04.880 | so many of the emotional insecurities
00:54:07.200 | that so many women have,
00:54:09.360 | so many of the, just the personal,
00:54:12.400 | again, personal insecurities that so many women have
00:54:16.480 | that reflect in contentious fights with their husbands.
00:54:20.780 | It is really, really tough.
00:54:22.520 | It's so tough.
00:54:23.660 | And if you're looking to have a rich
00:54:27.660 | and rewarding and fulfilling life,
00:54:29.720 | you can avoid so many of those things.
00:54:33.000 | Now, just because a woman has emotional insecurities
00:54:36.120 | or just because she has a checkered past,
00:54:39.360 | that shouldn't be a disqualifying thing.
00:54:42.680 | Thank God, repentance is available.
00:54:45.440 | The things of the past can be forgotten.
00:54:49.000 | I have friends who before,
00:54:50.480 | I have friends who,
00:54:52.880 | one of their wives, before she was a Christian,
00:54:56.880 | she just had the worst life.
00:55:00.160 | And thank God, God can change all those things.
00:55:02.380 | All those things can be forgiven.
00:55:03.720 | They can be cleared.
00:55:04.740 | Christ's forgiveness is true, it's real,
00:55:09.180 | but it still brings challenges.
00:55:13.500 | You can work through them,
00:55:17.360 | but don't set out with the goal of saying,
00:55:19.360 | I'm gonna take on a challenging charity situation
00:55:23.000 | and work through it.
00:55:24.120 | Start with the very best.
00:55:26.480 | Start with the ideal.
00:55:28.280 | I just wanna give you that personal testimony
00:55:31.200 | that if you will be careful about how you marry,
00:55:34.600 | if you will avoid, if you'll choose,
00:55:37.760 | I mean, it sounds silly,
00:55:39.400 | but my wife and I,
00:55:42.040 | because both of us have a focus on the habits
00:55:46.720 | that lead to wealth,
00:55:48.200 | we don't argue about money.
00:55:50.620 | With, and I'd say that about 98%.
00:55:53.760 | I mean, we still have our disagreements,
00:55:55.880 | but those disagreements are minor.
00:55:57.160 | And because they're so minor,
00:55:58.400 | it's easy for us to just ignore them.
00:56:00.740 | I would be much more aggressive about debt than my wife is.
00:56:05.480 | I'm the financial planner, she's not.
00:56:08.560 | Now, that's a good thing for me,
00:56:10.360 | that she doesn't wanna have any debt,
00:56:12.280 | because I probably would have been bankrupt
00:56:13.800 | if I weren't married to her,
00:56:15.040 | just 'cause of how easily exposed I am
00:56:17.000 | to the hardcore scenarios.
00:56:18.140 | But those things are minor.
00:56:19.840 | It's not a big deal.
00:56:22.280 | So, but if you can avoid the conflicts,
00:56:26.520 | if you can avoid the problems,
00:56:29.240 | your life can be built together
00:56:31.360 | and you can build on a strong foundation.
00:56:34.120 | I don't have anything more to say other than to say,
00:56:36.640 | as someone who's not yet your grandfather,
00:56:39.760 | if you are a young man,
00:56:41.060 | I'm here to tell you that if you will choose
00:56:43.600 | an excellent wife,
00:56:45.240 | if you will choose an excellent wife,
00:56:50.600 | she will indeed be far more precious to you than money.
00:56:53.500 | You will indeed be safely able to trust in her,
00:56:59.480 | absolute trust,
00:57:01.480 | and you will indeed have no lack of gain.
00:57:05.960 | Now, on the flip side,
00:57:08.640 | if you are stupid about this decision
00:57:13.040 | and you just marry somebody because they came along
00:57:17.960 | and you weren't careful in discerning
00:57:19.840 | and discriminating and thoughtful in your decision-making,
00:57:23.000 | well, you might be up on your house rooftop
00:57:28.680 | eating a crust of bread, frustrated at your nagging wife,
00:57:32.120 | and you won't be happy about that.
00:57:35.560 | Choose carefully.
00:57:37.160 | In summary, if you will pursue these things,
00:57:41.200 | be a man, grow up and be a man,
00:57:44.840 | build wealth or be on the path to building wealth,
00:57:49.840 | become as physically attractive
00:57:52.520 | as your personal face and body will allow,
00:57:55.280 | be physically strong,
00:57:57.640 | be a man of integrity and character,
00:57:59.920 | all of these things, of course,
00:58:01.200 | leading to be a man of brimming confidence,
00:58:03.660 | you will be very attractive to women.
00:58:09.920 | If you will maintain your personal sexual purity,
00:58:14.720 | you will be very attractive to an excellent woman
00:58:18.120 | who will not come with a train car of baggage,
00:58:22.720 | both emotional and physical, attached to her,
00:58:26.320 | and then you'll be able to marry well
00:58:30.680 | and build life together.
00:58:32.060 | You cannot think that you will fool an excellent woman.
00:58:38.400 | You can't play a trick.
00:58:40.920 | You can't flash the credit card,
00:58:43.080 | drive around in the leased car,
00:58:45.440 | show up in the rented house
00:58:46.840 | and have her think that you're actually wealthy.
00:58:48.480 | An excellent woman will see right through that facade.
00:58:51.180 | You can't put on the self-tanner
00:58:55.440 | or whatever the style of the day is
00:58:57.080 | so that you look attractive
00:58:58.880 | but not actually be strong and attractive,
00:59:02.360 | and you can't pretend to be a man of integrity and character.
00:59:05.700 | She'll see right through that
00:59:07.680 | 'cause she's an excellent woman.
00:59:09.280 | She will be a thoughtful and discriminating woman.
00:59:12.320 | Careful in her decisions.
00:59:15.280 | So the only chance to find and to marry an excellent wife
00:59:19.040 | is for you to be an excellent man.
00:59:21.600 | That, my friend, is your job.
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