When a Christian Won't Repent from Sexual Sin

00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)

00:00:02.580 | - Rebecca emails in to ask a question

00:00:06.980 | about church discipline.

00:00:08.080 | She writes, "In regards to Matthew 18, 15 to 20,

00:00:11.480 | "I'm wondering what I as a Christian am responsible

00:00:13.680 | "to do biblically when a fellow believer

00:00:15.480 | "is living in sexual sin and chooses to continue

00:00:17.960 | "after they have been confronted in a loving way."

00:00:20.920 | Pastor John, what would you say?

00:00:22.600 | - The practical answer here really does depend

00:00:25.460 | on whether Rebecca and the person she's concerned about

00:00:29.940 | maybe a friend who's sleeping with a boyfriend,

00:00:33.040 | I don't know what her situation is,

00:00:34.340 | but let's just say something like that,

00:00:36.600 | whether those two people are in a biblically faithful church

00:00:41.600 | that is a church that considers the Bible

00:00:48.100 | as their standard of faith and practice.

00:00:51.000 | And if they are, the answer is, or should be,

00:00:55.140 | yes, excommunication can and maybe should happen.

00:01:00.140 | And of course she's referring to Matthew 18.

00:01:06.340 | And it might be helpful just to walk through the steps

00:01:10.240 | so that everybody has in view,

00:01:12.140 | 'cause they're short and they're clear.

00:01:14.440 | Here's what happens in real relationships

00:01:18.900 | in a church from time to time.

00:01:21.380 | Step one, if your brother sins against you,

00:01:24.860 | go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.

00:01:29.140 | If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

00:01:33.260 | So step one, you find someone in sin and you go to them.

00:01:38.260 | You don't wanna make a public issue out of it.

00:01:41.380 | You're not eager to drag everybody's private sins

00:01:45.300 | into the public.

00:01:46.420 | You know you've got your own issues.

00:01:48.140 | You're taking the log out of your own eye

00:01:50.300 | before you take the speck out of anybody else's.

00:01:52.860 | But once you've done all that appropriate self-assessment

00:01:55.500 | and humbled yourself before God

00:01:56.940 | and declared your own dependence on grace alone,

00:01:59.780 | then you do go.

00:02:01.380 | This is what love does.

00:02:02.300 | It goes, and in her case,

00:02:04.220 | maybe a girlfriend sleeping with a boyfriend,

00:02:06.820 | and she goes, she said, "This is not biblical.

00:02:10.380 | "It's not right.

00:02:11.280 | "It doesn't please the Lord."

00:02:12.500 | And she pleads with her.

00:02:14.260 | And she may or may not win her over.

00:02:17.260 | In the next step, verse 16 of Matthew 18 says,

00:02:20.260 | "But if he does not listen,

00:02:23.060 | "take one or two along with you

00:02:25.340 | "that every charge may be established

00:02:27.880 | "by the evidence of two or three witnesses."

00:02:29.700 | So you can see there's no rush to judgment here.

00:02:32.060 | There's no rush to get this in front of the church here.

00:02:35.500 | We're bending over backwards here to keep it small,

00:02:39.220 | keep it private, not do any more public hurt

00:02:42.620 | than is necessary.

00:02:43.740 | So you take a friend or two who probably knows her,

00:02:47.480 | who loves her, and you go to her together.

00:02:50.660 | Now, she may not let you do this, but you try.

00:02:53.400 | And you say together, "We love you.

00:02:55.480 | "We care for you.

00:02:56.320 | "Can we pray with you?

00:02:57.260 | "We want you out of this ongoing sin

00:03:00.960 | "because it's gonna damage you.

00:03:02.500 | "It's gonna damage him.

00:03:03.720 | "It's gonna damage your witness.

00:03:04.840 | "It's gonna damage, ultimately, the church,

00:03:06.640 | "and it's gonna dishonor Christ."

00:03:08.800 | And you try to persuade.

00:03:10.880 | And the third step is,

00:03:12.120 | "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church."

00:03:16.640 | Now, this is the point at which the gathered church

00:03:20.920 | in some kind of appropriate meeting

00:03:23.720 | hears the news and acts on it.

00:03:28.720 | And the first action is for the church to say,

00:03:33.640 | "We want you to return,"

00:03:36.320 | because this is not excommunication yet.

00:03:39.160 | It's the whole church praying and aching and longing.

00:03:43.280 | And the last step is,

00:03:44.860 | "If he refuses to listen even to the church,

00:03:48.640 | "let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

00:03:51.360 | And what that means is that the church then

00:03:54.120 | takes some kind of step to cut that person off,

00:03:58.640 | like from the communion table

00:04:00.820 | and from normal, ongoing relationships

00:04:05.400 | that you would ordinarily have with a believer

00:04:08.480 | in doing things together.

00:04:10.520 | As those who share the same commitment to Jesus,

00:04:13.680 | you cut them off.

00:04:14.960 | And that means not that you've damned them,

00:04:19.960 | but that you've put them in a position

00:04:23.480 | where you are longing and praying for their repentance.

00:04:27.840 | I've seen it happen,

00:04:28.900 | and it's intended to happen in the Bible,

00:04:30.860 | that this kind of excommunication is doubly redemptive.

00:04:35.480 | It's redemptive for the church

00:04:38.060 | so that the truth of the gospel and its power

00:04:40.600 | not be lost by pretending people are believers

00:04:44.120 | when they don't bear any fruit.

00:04:46.520 | And it's redemptive for the person

00:04:50.160 | who's being excommunicated,

00:04:51.840 | because we see in 1 Corinthians 5 and 1 Thessalonians

00:04:56.640 | that the aim of this ostracism is redemptive.

00:05:01.080 | That is, we want them to be brought to repentance

00:05:03.720 | and restored to the church.

00:05:05.520 | And to that end, we do talk to them.

00:05:08.840 | We do reach out like we would to any unbeliever in love,

00:05:13.160 | and we would happily lay down our lives

00:05:15.280 | that they would repent.

00:05:16.160 | There's nothing ugly or hostile in this.

00:05:20.160 | This is all designed to do everything the church can do

00:05:24.840 | to keep itself true and authentic and holy and pure,

00:05:29.340 | and to love other people back to the Savior.

00:05:33.200 | So my answer to her is, yes, there is excommunication,

00:05:37.940 | and Matthew 18 is there to be followed

00:05:41.920 | in those kinds of steps.

00:05:44.440 | - Thank you, Pastor John,

00:05:45.320 | and thank you for listening to this podcast.

00:05:47.000 | For more on church discipline, its purpose, and its practice,

00:05:50.220 | see the excellent resources produced by our friends

00:05:52.400 | at Nine Marks, especially the two books

00:05:54.360 | by Jonathan Lehman titled "The Church

00:05:56.600 | and the Surprising Offense of God's Love,"

00:05:58.880 | and his other book simply titled "Church Discipline."

00:06:01.720 | And you can visit us online at desiringgod.org

00:06:04.320 | to find thousands of free books, articles, sermons,

00:06:06.160 | and other resources from John Piper.

00:06:07.840 | I'm your host Tony Reinke.

00:06:08.920 | Thanks for listening.

00:06:10.020 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

When a Christian Won't Repent from Sexual Sin

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