Is Your Boyfriend Mature Enough for You?

00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)

00:00:02.580 | - Welcome back to the Ask Pastor John Podcast.

00:00:07.400 | We are putting the finishing touches up

00:00:09.400 | on our 2015 Conference for Pastors,

00:00:12.600 | which begins here soon in Minneapolis.

00:00:15.480 | It actually runs next Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday,

00:00:19.580 | and your prayers would be appreciated.

00:00:21.720 | But for the next several episodes,

00:00:23.280 | we're gonna be joined by Matt Chandler,

00:00:25.520 | the lead pastor at the Village Church in Dallas.

00:00:28.240 | Matt is the author of several books,

00:00:29.720 | including his newest title, "The Mingling of Souls,

00:00:32.920 | "God's Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and Redemption."

00:00:37.000 | And he joins us on the phone from Dallas.

00:00:39.520 | Matt, thank you for joining us.

00:00:41.000 | - Oh, it's my pleasure, brother.

00:00:42.400 | - I actually want to take this time

00:00:43.920 | to focus in on relationship questions

00:00:46.680 | faced by young Christian men and women in particular

00:00:50.360 | who are single or dating and who are not yet married.

00:00:54.680 | This is a season of life that awakens a lot of desires,

00:00:57.840 | a lot of hopes, and it brings with it

00:01:00.200 | a vast array of tricky pastoral questions.

00:01:03.400 | And we get emails from listeners

00:01:05.160 | in this season of life every single day,

00:01:07.960 | and I'm grateful for three single friends,

00:01:10.040 | especially, who helped me write and sharpen these questions

00:01:12.520 | to maximize our time together.

00:01:14.600 | Special thanks to Lori Ferguson, Paul Maxwell,

00:01:17.680 | and of course, to our very own Marshall Siegel.

00:01:21.240 | So Matt, with this list of 10 questions,

00:01:23.680 | we will just start working through them,

00:01:25.400 | and here is question number one.

00:01:28.240 | The Bible, of course, commands Christians

00:01:30.480 | to marry in the Lord, that is, other Christians.

00:01:34.040 | But in a day when there's so much nominalism

00:01:36.400 | that passes for authentic maturity,

00:01:38.920 | give us a few simple marks of spiritual growth

00:01:41.600 | that a man or a woman should be looking for

00:01:44.040 | in a potential spouse.

00:01:45.760 | - Well, I think what you're looking for

00:01:47.680 | is a seriousness about growing in the person's faith.

00:01:52.680 | And so I think the way the church really serves

00:01:56.560 | and helps Christian singles consider marriage

00:02:01.200 | and consider dating is that in the covenant community

00:02:04.720 | of faith, a person should be known,

00:02:06.840 | and there should be those around them

00:02:08.680 | that can speak of their reputation,

00:02:11.560 | whether they're growing in the Lord,

00:02:13.080 | whether they're serious about growing in the Lord,

00:02:14.860 | whether they're putting sin to death in their life.

00:02:17.760 | And really, that's what you're looking for.

00:02:19.760 | You're looking for, is there a seriousness in this person

00:02:23.480 | to grow in their relationship and understanding

00:02:25.520 | with the Lord?

00:02:26.840 | Because what I've found that's so tragic

00:02:29.240 | is that Christian singles,

00:02:31.720 | they'll hit this area of desperation,

00:02:33.720 | particularly young women, and they'll go,

00:02:36.320 | "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a Christian.

00:02:37.440 | "He comes to church."

00:02:38.360 | And really what they're saying is they come to church

00:02:40.900 | a couple of times a month,

00:02:42.060 | but outside of attending a service,

00:02:44.600 | there's no real seriousness about growing

00:02:47.520 | in their understanding of the Lord,

00:02:48.920 | growing in an understanding of the Bible,

00:02:51.240 | being a prayerful person.

00:02:53.160 | There's no real vivification or mortification

00:02:57.040 | that can be spotted,

00:02:58.240 | and no one who really knows them enough

00:02:59.900 | to speak to the growth in their character.

00:03:02.620 | And so I think that's what you're looking for.

00:03:05.220 | Is there a seriousness to grow in the things of the Lord?

00:03:08.300 | Now, practically, I think that's gonna look like

00:03:12.360 | they're involved in the life of the church,

00:03:14.400 | they have sought out people to speak into their lives,

00:03:18.700 | they're being discipled,

00:03:20.360 | whether that be organically or organizationally,

00:03:23.460 | so they're a part of a church's systems for discipleship,

00:03:27.660 | or they've just found an older man or an older woman

00:03:30.740 | and invited that person to speak into their lives.

00:03:33.480 | And I think if those pieces are there,

00:03:36.020 | those are a much safer gauge than just say

00:03:40.520 | they highlight passages in their Bible

00:03:44.000 | or you see them at service every week.

00:03:48.000 | - Very good, and I wanna come back to this

00:03:50.680 | and have you speak to ladies who think that these standards

00:03:54.400 | rule out every guy in her life.

00:03:57.200 | And I also wanna hear more about how the Village Church

00:03:59.640 | corporately seeks to cultivate solid marriages,

00:04:03.180 | but we are gonna have to take a break for the weekend now.

00:04:06.200 | We return on Monday, and I'll ask you, Matt,

00:04:09.080 | if Facebook has ruined dating.

00:04:12.000 | I'm your host Tony Reinke, we'll see you on Monday.

00:04:14.280 | (upbeat music)

00:04:16.860 | (upbeat music)

00:04:19.440 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

Is Your Boyfriend Mature Enough for You?

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