ACBC Counseling Exam 4 - Dealing with Sinful Anger

00:00:00.000 | through the ACBC counseling exams.

00:00:03.960 | I trust that you're all doing well

00:00:06.120 | and rejoicing in the goodness of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

00:00:10.200 | And we just look forward to a wonderful time tonight

00:00:13.600 | looking at the study of God's word

00:00:16.720 | in relation to a very practical subject,

00:00:19.840 | which is dealing with sinful anger.

00:00:23.520 | This is a topic that is related to many counseling issues

00:00:28.200 | and you will find this study to be applicable

00:00:30.680 | to many counseling sessions that you will be part of

00:00:35.560 | if you continue with the ACBC training.

00:00:39.360 | And it is also an issue that is relevant

00:00:42.000 | to each of our lives as we are seeking to be more sanctified

00:00:46.720 | and become more like Christ.

00:00:48.720 | We need to learn to put off sinful anger

00:00:52.440 | and to put on the fruit of godly character,

00:00:56.880 | which is always characterized by kindness and patience,

00:01:01.880 | long-suffering, gentleness, peaceable nature.

00:01:07.120 | These are the character qualities

00:01:09.720 | that we are called to in scripture.

00:01:11.520 | So just a wonderful topic tonight.

00:01:13.960 | I'm so glad that you're able to join us.

00:01:15.720 | And I pray that this will be a blessing to your life

00:01:19.560 | and that the Lord will multiply the fruitfulness

00:01:23.840 | of our study tonight and that we will be equipped

00:01:27.040 | not only to grow ourselves in our own pursuit of Christ,

00:01:32.040 | but also to be equipped to help others

00:01:35.960 | in their sanctification.

00:01:38.000 | So let's pray together.

00:01:39.100 | Let's devote our time to the Lord

00:01:40.480 | and we'll dive right into the notes tonight.

00:01:42.420 | We're looking at counseling exam number four,

00:01:45.540 | dealing with sinful anger.

00:01:47.560 | So let's pray together.

00:01:50.640 | Father, we thank you so much for the work of your son,

00:01:54.080 | Jesus Christ, and for his perfect work

00:01:58.760 | that was accomplished on our behalf.

00:02:00.360 | His life that was lived in full obedience to the law of God,

00:02:05.360 | for the death that he died on the cross

00:02:09.720 | and standing in our place for our sins

00:02:12.280 | and his glorious resurrection from the grave.

00:02:15.600 | We thank you that it is in Christ and through Christ

00:02:19.680 | that we come into your presence

00:02:21.400 | and that we receive the grace and the mercy

00:02:25.680 | that flows into our lives,

00:02:29.200 | a help in our time of need for we come to you,

00:02:34.200 | not on the basis of our own works,

00:02:38.000 | but on the basis of Christ

00:02:39.880 | and his perfect work on our behalf.

00:02:41.760 | We thank you for the ministry of your spirit

00:02:44.320 | who lives in us and who produces

00:02:46.680 | the fruit of Christ's likeness in us.

00:02:49.320 | And we thank you for your word,

00:02:51.080 | the sufficient written word of God,

00:02:53.880 | the 66 books of the Bible,

00:02:56.700 | which is sufficient for life and godliness.

00:02:59.840 | We pray that as we study your word tonight,

00:03:02.800 | that you would produce the fruit of godliness

00:03:05.620 | in our own lives,

00:03:07.360 | help us to identify sinful anger and expressions of anger

00:03:12.200 | and to repent of our own anger

00:03:15.160 | that we may bear the fruit of patience and kindness,

00:03:20.040 | gentleness, and that we may be known as peacemakers

00:03:24.520 | in our everyday lives.

00:03:26.120 | So we just devote this time to you.

00:03:28.600 | Thank you for each student who's joining us on this webinar,

00:03:32.720 | pray that you would bless each one.

00:03:34.120 | And we ask this in Jesus name, amen.

00:03:36.420 | - Amen, well, if you look at your handout for tonight,

00:03:43.360 | we are on page one.

00:03:45.240 | And I just wanted to give you an overview

00:03:48.160 | of some of the great resources that are available to you

00:03:51.960 | as you study this subject, dealing with sinful anger.

00:03:56.960 | We just wanna note the practical significance of this topic,

00:04:03.960 | dealing with sinful anger, as I mentioned,

00:04:07.220 | an issue that is relevant

00:04:10.120 | to so many different counseling scenarios

00:04:12.720 | from marital conflicts to parent-child relationships,

00:04:17.720 | to dealing with coworkers in the workplace,

00:04:21.240 | to just dealing with sitting in rush hour traffic.

00:04:26.160 | Anger is a very prominent issue in counseling ministry.

00:04:30.640 | And it is an issue that we need to think through

00:04:34.440 | with biblical discernment.

00:04:37.960 | This exam topic is prompting you to articulate

00:04:42.280 | in your own words, your view of the issue of sinful anger

00:04:46.920 | and how you would go about counseling someone

00:04:50.120 | who is dealing with this issue.

00:04:51.880 | So let me go ahead and read the question tonight.

00:04:56.600 | Counseling exam number four

00:04:59.200 | is provide a biblical definition of anger,

00:05:02.200 | describe manifestations of anger

00:05:05.660 | in both the inner man and outer man,

00:05:08.980 | explain the biblical factors that drive anger,

00:05:12.940 | detail several biblical strategies to respond to anger.

00:05:17.940 | This is a great opportunity to think deeply on this topic.

00:05:25.100 | I do wanna encourage you as counselors in training

00:05:28.660 | to think deeply about the subject of sinful anger

00:05:32.860 | as it is addressed in the scriptures.

00:05:37.120 | I wanna encourage you to take the foundations

00:05:40.080 | that were given to you in the year one training

00:05:43.680 | of biblical counseling and to apply them

00:05:46.240 | to the issue of sinful anger.

00:05:49.280 | I wanna encourage you that the deeper that you go

00:05:54.640 | in your understanding of the subject,

00:05:56.800 | the more skillful you will be

00:05:59.120 | in addressing this issue from scripture.

00:06:01.760 | And I also wanna make you aware

00:06:05.560 | that there is no shortage of people

00:06:08.640 | who need help in this area.

00:06:10.700 | There seems to be no shortage of people even in the church

00:06:16.840 | who are seeking to overcome sinful anger

00:06:20.960 | and seeking to put on the sweet characteristics

00:06:24.760 | of godliness as described in the fruit of the spirit

00:06:29.760 | in Galatians chapter five.

00:06:33.020 | And so if you become equipped to address

00:06:36.820 | the issue of anger in counseling ministry,

00:06:39.560 | you will have no shortage of opportunities

00:06:41.860 | to minister in this area.

00:06:45.660 | Now, fortunately, as you look at page one of your handout,

00:06:52.620 | there are a number of good resources on the subject

00:06:56.000 | that are written from a biblical counseling perspective.

00:06:58.580 | Now, you don't need to read all of these resources

00:07:01.680 | in order to write this essay,

00:07:04.180 | but I am gonna encourage you to read as much as you can.

00:07:08.340 | My goal in this session is to stir each of you up

00:07:12.620 | in your own heart to have a passion to read more

00:07:17.620 | on the subject of dealing with sinful anger

00:07:21.660 | and bearing the fruit of the spirit.

00:07:24.700 | The truth is that you and I need to be better equipped

00:07:28.200 | in this area.

00:07:30.300 | We need counselors in the church who are equipped

00:07:34.360 | to minister to those who are seeking

00:07:37.640 | to overcome sinful anger.

00:07:39.860 | Every family in your church is dealing with this issue

00:07:44.720 | to some degree in some way.

00:07:47.280 | And if that family has a two-year-old in their home,

00:07:51.840 | they are definitely dealing with this issue in some way,

00:07:55.580 | not only the anger of the two-year-old,

00:07:58.900 | but the anger of the parent who is trying to keep

00:08:02.280 | the two-year-old under control.

00:08:06.080 | Every family in the church is dealing with this issue

00:08:08.560 | to some degree in some way.

00:08:12.120 | And so I wanna just encourage you to read as much as you can

00:08:17.120 | on this subject, be equipped as much as you can,

00:08:22.120 | make it a lifelong goal and pursuit to be better equipped

00:08:27.120 | to counsel those who are seeking to overcome anger.

00:08:32.120 | Dr. Robert Jones has a very good work

00:08:35.220 | that I would highly recommend.

00:08:36.620 | It's entitled "Uprooting Anger,

00:08:40.020 | Biblical Help for a Common Problem."

00:08:42.240 | That's a very readable book.

00:08:44.740 | It's a book that you can put in someone else's hands.

00:08:47.780 | It's very practical, pastoral and biblical.

00:08:52.460 | And I just love that title,

00:08:53.920 | the language of uprooting anger.

00:08:56.820 | Not just managing behavior,

00:09:01.580 | but addressing the root causes of anger,

00:09:05.320 | which as you know, we have emphasized in this class,

00:09:10.080 | the root issues always relate to the issues of the heart.

00:09:14.920 | And so Dr. Jones models an approach

00:09:19.920 | to counseling those who are dealing with anger

00:09:24.040 | by using the scriptures to address heart issues.

00:09:28.800 | And the title "Uprooting Anger" is very helpful

00:09:34.920 | to summarize our approach to ministering this area.

00:09:39.920 | You will find that much of the material

00:09:43.700 | coming from secular psychology addresses the issue of anger

00:09:48.040 | in seeking to manage outward behavior.

00:09:51.400 | You'll hear the language of managing anger

00:09:56.400 | or managing one's behavior.

00:10:00.080 | Secular psychology seeks to limit the full expression

00:10:04.920 | of a person's anger,

00:10:06.320 | or at least seeks to give a person healthy avenues

00:10:10.080 | to vent their anger.

00:10:12.920 | But secular psychology does not seek

00:10:15.360 | to address the root causes of sinful anger,

00:10:19.000 | which are always related to a worshiping heart.

00:10:23.640 | The heart is always relating either rightly or wrongly

00:10:26.480 | to the true and the living God.

00:10:28.940 | And anger is always related

00:10:31.520 | to how the heart is relating to God.

00:10:36.480 | And secular psychology cannot address those issues

00:10:40.040 | apart from divine revelation.

00:10:43.320 | Secular psychology can describe

00:10:46.360 | how an angry person behaves.

00:10:48.480 | And you'll find in secular literature

00:10:50.280 | that secular psychology does describe accurately

00:10:54.920 | in many cases, how an angry person behaves.

00:10:59.800 | And secular psychology can give tips and techniques

00:11:02.840 | to possibly limit in a temporary manner,

00:11:07.640 | the full expression of a person's anger,

00:11:10.200 | but secular psychology cannot address the root issues

00:11:15.200 | that give rise to angry expressions.

00:11:19.040 | And secular psychology cannot help a person

00:11:23.120 | become more like Jesus Christ.

00:11:25.360 | When is an angry person no longer angry?

00:11:30.400 | It is when that person loves Jesus Christ,

00:11:34.800 | worships Jesus Christ,

00:11:36.960 | and begins to grow in character qualities

00:11:41.400 | that are like Jesus Christ.

00:11:43.240 | And secular psychology is powerless

00:11:47.360 | to affect that type of heart transformation and life change.

00:11:52.280 | And so while we would concede

00:11:55.120 | that secular psychology accurately describes

00:11:57.800 | how angry people behave,

00:12:00.280 | secular psychology cannot make a person more like Christ.

00:12:05.280 | And that is the goal of biblical counseling.

00:12:08.560 | So all that to say that Dr. Robert Jones

00:12:11.200 | does a wonderful job dealing with the idea

00:12:14.720 | of uprooting anger and addressing the root causes

00:12:18.840 | of sinful anger.

00:12:21.180 | Then you have David Powelson's work

00:12:24.040 | that is entitled "Good and Angry."

00:12:26.760 | The subtitle is "Redeeming Anger, Irritation,

00:12:30.920 | Complaining, and Bitterness."

00:12:33.880 | Now, dear friends, just think for a moment

00:12:35.520 | of how much you and I would be more sanctified

00:12:38.920 | and how our relationships would be so much more healthy

00:12:41.760 | if we were able to be sanctified from these issues,

00:12:44.980 | anger, irritation, complaining, and bitterness.

00:12:49.540 | And I think that subtitle gives that helpful connection

00:12:53.400 | between those issues.

00:12:56.000 | Maybe there is one person who says,

00:12:58.480 | "Well, I'm not an angry person,

00:13:02.680 | but I'm just complaining all the time."

00:13:06.680 | Or, "I'm not an angry person,

00:13:08.480 | I'm just filled with longstanding bitterness."

00:13:11.080 | And they might claim to be able to separate those issues

00:13:14.200 | of anger, irritation, complaining, and bitterness.

00:13:16.680 | But generally those issues go together

00:13:20.640 | because they are related to the deeds of the flesh.

00:13:25.240 | And so anything by David Powelson is worth reading,

00:13:29.640 | but that book, "Good and Angry" is a very helpful treatment

00:13:34.640 | on the subject of anger.

00:13:38.020 | Then you have Lou Priolo's "The Heart of Anger,"

00:13:41.640 | which is an excellent resource.

00:13:43.120 | The subtitle is "Practical Help for the Prevention

00:13:46.760 | and Cure of Anger in Children."

00:13:49.800 | So I remember when my son was two or three years of age,

00:13:53.680 | he was playing with his cousin

00:13:55.320 | who was also two or three years of age,

00:13:58.240 | and they were playing with Legos

00:13:59.680 | and one boy took a Lego from the other,

00:14:02.960 | the other boy didn't like it.

00:14:04.480 | And so one of them hit the other person

00:14:06.800 | and they both started crying.

00:14:08.280 | And so here they are, two toddlers,

00:14:11.920 | and they're both crying because they wanted the same Lego

00:14:15.680 | and they got angry.

00:14:17.800 | And I realized that as these children grow to be adults,

00:14:22.700 | that the heart issues don't change.

00:14:25.600 | The only things that change is that the Legos get bigger

00:14:29.400 | and maybe more complicated,

00:14:32.080 | but the same heart dynamics are at work.

00:14:35.260 | You are in a conflict because you want something

00:14:39.040 | that you are not getting.

00:14:40.440 | You want, maybe not a Lego,

00:14:44.280 | but you want respect or you want approval

00:14:47.560 | or you want a certain promotion

00:14:50.680 | or you wanna be treated in a certain way,

00:14:52.640 | or you want your life to be a certain way.

00:14:54.760 | You are not getting what you want.

00:14:57.280 | And that is why you become angry and enter into a conflict.

00:15:02.280 | And so anything that is written

00:15:05.280 | in order to address the heart issues of children

00:15:08.380 | is also applicable to ministering to adults

00:15:12.880 | because the heart issues really are no different.

00:15:15.880 | The issues in life are different,

00:15:19.240 | but the heart dynamics are very much the same.

00:15:21.940 | And Preola does a good job diagnosing

00:15:24.720 | the root causes of anger in that book.

00:15:29.080 | Stuart Scott's "Anger, Anxiety, and Fear"

00:15:32.200 | is a booklet that we use often in counseling ministry.

00:15:35.560 | Anything by Dr. Scott is helpful

00:15:39.260 | and written with much wisdom.

00:15:42.120 | And then a book you might wanna star,

00:15:45.120 | it's a book that we use often

00:15:46.560 | in the counseling ministry here at Kindred.

00:15:48.440 | It's Ed Welch's little book that is entitled

00:15:51.920 | "A Small Book About a Big Problem,

00:15:53.960 | "Meditations on Anger, Patience, and Peace."

00:15:57.980 | That has become a go-to book

00:16:00.500 | in the Kindred Counseling Ministry.

00:16:02.660 | We assign it frequently.

00:16:05.800 | It has 50 short readings on the subject of anger

00:16:10.460 | that is designed to be read over the course of 50 days.

00:16:13.300 | And so that book is meant to be read a little at a time.

00:16:18.180 | And it is a 50-day assignment for a counselee

00:16:21.980 | to read one chapter a day

00:16:24.300 | and to interact with the contents of that book.

00:16:27.820 | Just a very helpful resource.

00:16:29.860 | We have found that counselees who do read that book

00:16:33.580 | make great progress in overcoming sinful anger.

00:16:37.820 | And so a very good resource that I want to recommend to you.

00:16:42.460 | I would encourage you to read the three journal articles

00:16:46.500 | by David Powelson that I've sent via Dropbox to you.

00:16:51.500 | That's excellent material on the subject of anger.

00:16:56.380 | And in addition, I've listed two booklets

00:16:59.380 | and also three lectures that I would recommend to you

00:17:02.340 | for further reflection.

00:17:04.580 | Just a lot of good material on this subject

00:17:08.060 | that I want to put in your hands

00:17:11.220 | and hopefully stir up in you a desire

00:17:14.300 | to make this a subject or a focus of lifelong study.

00:17:19.300 | Much material there that is very helpful.

00:17:25.380 | Now let me move to page two of your handout

00:17:28.900 | and just talk through the importance of this subject

00:17:32.620 | for a moment.

00:17:34.840 | Dealing with sinful anger.

00:17:36.640 | Why should you be motivated to write an essay

00:17:40.340 | on this subject?

00:17:41.360 | And why should you be motivated to study well

00:17:46.180 | on this subject?

00:17:47.760 | Well, Jim Neuheiser has said this.

00:17:51.420 | He said, "I believe Jay Adams said that anger is a factor

00:17:54.360 | "in 90% of counseling cases."

00:17:57.620 | And my only response would be,

00:17:59.780 | I don't know what the other 10% are

00:18:02.420 | in which there is not an issue of anger.

00:18:05.500 | People in the midst of conflict, people in relationships,

00:18:08.580 | sometimes even people, they're depressed

00:18:11.520 | because they're angry.

00:18:13.100 | They're anxious because they're fearful.

00:18:15.900 | Anger is a reaction of judgment

00:18:18.740 | when I don't get what I want.

00:18:21.900 | It's very rare I would have a situation

00:18:24.380 | where someone's come for counsel

00:18:26.060 | where anger is not involved in some manner.

00:18:30.100 | So anger is very common in counseling cases,

00:18:34.460 | especially relating to marital or family issues.

00:18:38.780 | It seems that the closer sinners live in proximity

00:18:42.780 | with each other, the more you see anger put on display.

00:18:46.080 | We note the relation here between anger

00:18:50.020 | and other counseling issues, fear, anxiety, and depression.

00:18:54.740 | Oftentimes those issues tend to go together.

00:18:58.380 | People who are angry also live with anxiety.

00:19:01.780 | People who are angry also tend to experience depression.

00:19:06.340 | We're not surprised by that.

00:19:08.540 | Anger is ultimately an indicator

00:19:11.900 | that a person is not walking in close relationship

00:19:15.180 | with Jesus Christ.

00:19:16.500 | And so when the heart is not submitted to Christ

00:19:20.420 | and his word, a person will experience sanctification issues

00:19:24.860 | in many areas of life.

00:19:26.900 | The heart is not submitted to Christ,

00:19:30.780 | and many deeds of the flesh begin to show themselves.

00:19:35.100 | And so Galatians 5, verse 19 names the deeds of the flesh,

00:19:39.220 | which are sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,

00:19:42.260 | idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy,

00:19:46.940 | fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, and divisions,

00:19:51.940 | and so forth and so on.

00:19:54.940 | When a person walks in the flesh

00:19:58.060 | and is not filled with the spirit,

00:19:59.820 | a number of different expressions of the flesh

00:20:03.740 | can be found in that person's life.

00:20:06.940 | And so you'll find that anger is often associated

00:20:11.900 | with other sins and other counseling issues.

00:20:16.620 | You'll find that people are often blinded to their own anger.

00:20:22.420 | Anger always feels completely justified in the moment.

00:20:29.940 | Because anger is related to a negative moral judgment

00:20:34.940 | that is being made upon another person or upon an event.

00:20:40.420 | So much of counseling ministry

00:20:45.220 | is just helping people see what they are doing

00:20:49.940 | when they are expressing their anger.

00:20:51.740 | It's just helping them come to their senses

00:20:54.500 | in seeing that they're destroying the relationships

00:20:58.620 | that are around them.

00:21:00.780 | Just getting people to acknowledge the gravity of their sin

00:21:04.940 | is really half the battle in dealing with anger issues.

00:21:09.940 | Jesus said that anger is a form of murder in the heart.

00:21:16.860 | And this anger is expressed in destructive words

00:21:21.220 | that tear people down and destroy relationships.

00:21:27.780 | Oftentimes, anger is related

00:21:29.620 | to the sin of self-righteousness.

00:21:32.780 | I'll just share an example from my own life.

00:21:36.660 | My wife and kids know that I tend to get

00:21:40.740 | quote unquote irritated or quote unquote frustrated.

00:21:45.740 | You'll remember from our year one training,

00:21:48.140 | those are just words that we use to describe sinful anger.

00:21:52.180 | We use other words

00:21:53.340 | because we don't wanna say I'm sinfully angry.

00:21:55.420 | So we say I'm irritated or I'm frustrated

00:21:58.300 | or I'm miffed or whatever the language is,

00:22:01.940 | we just substitute because we don't like to say

00:22:05.060 | I'm sinfully angry.

00:22:07.500 | Well, I tend to get quote unquote irritated or frustrated

00:22:12.260 | when I come home from work at the end of the day

00:22:15.140 | and find that the house is in a bit of a mess.

00:22:17.580 | And by the way, my wife and I have four children.

00:22:19.820 | So you might be saying,

00:22:21.580 | Dan, what are your expectations

00:22:22.980 | with four children living in the house?

00:22:25.020 | How can you expect the house to be completely clean

00:22:28.860 | when you come home?

00:22:29.820 | And that is a fair response to my illustration.

00:22:34.540 | But the point is I would tend to get upset when I come home

00:22:39.060 | and I see that the kitchen is a mess

00:22:41.300 | or the living room is not tidy.

00:22:44.340 | And it is interesting what would come out of my mouth

00:22:47.820 | in those occasions.

00:22:52.140 | It wasn't just, well, children,

00:22:55.060 | could you please clean up the kitchen

00:22:56.580 | or children, could you please clean up the living room?

00:23:00.100 | Oftentimes it is something along the lines of

00:23:05.060 | I've worked hard all day and this is what I come home to.

00:23:10.060 | Now, what is that?

00:23:15.340 | That is the language of self-righteousness.

00:23:19.700 | It is the language that says,

00:23:21.180 | I deserve to come home to a cleaner house

00:23:24.740 | because of what I have done all day.

00:23:27.780 | And you'll find that type of language when people get angry.

00:23:33.820 | It is not just that they want the situation to be different

00:23:37.340 | or they want to be treated in a different way,

00:23:40.180 | but you will find that the issue of self-righteousness

00:23:44.100 | arises in their hearts.

00:23:47.100 | Self-justification, because I have done this or that,

00:23:51.700 | or because I have behaved in a righteous way,

00:23:54.460 | I deserve to be treated in a different way.

00:23:58.860 | And so anger is oftentimes related to

00:24:03.700 | this type of self-righteousness,

00:24:05.740 | which is a form of pride instead of simply acknowledging

00:24:12.540 | our need for grace in every area of life.

00:24:17.540 | And so that's something that can be explored

00:24:21.420 | in greater detail, but just note that,

00:24:23.580 | that anger can be related to self-righteousness

00:24:27.420 | as well as to other sins and other deeds of the flesh.

00:24:30.980 | Also note that the quietest personalities

00:24:33.500 | can also have the angriest hearts.

00:24:36.260 | Anger is not a personality issue.

00:24:38.940 | It's not a cultural issue.

00:24:41.340 | It really is a spiritual issue.

00:24:43.460 | It is a heart issue.

00:24:44.820 | And so anger cannot be defined by mere personality type.

00:24:51.060 | No one can say, well, I just have an angry personality

00:24:56.540 | and that excuses me because it can be found

00:24:59.940 | on a personality chart somewhere.

00:25:03.220 | The bottom line is that if you're angry,

00:25:06.780 | you are not being like Christ.

00:25:11.020 | And the issue is that we need to repent of our anger

00:25:14.820 | and submit our hearts to the Lordship of Christ.

00:25:19.100 | The sin of anger is often related to critical

00:25:23.580 | and abusive words.

00:25:25.420 | James says in James 3, verse six,

00:25:28.980 | that the tongue is set among our members,

00:25:31.140 | staining the whole body, setting on fire

00:25:33.620 | the entire course of life and set on fire by hell.

00:25:39.420 | The point is that we speak out of the overflow

00:25:42.340 | of what fills our hearts.

00:25:44.660 | And so if our hearts are filled with anger,

00:25:48.740 | then our words will be critical and destructive.

00:25:53.740 | Angry words tear down and cause great harm.

00:25:59.740 | Note here that a subcategory of this topic

00:26:04.740 | is dealing with a person's anger at God.

00:26:09.020 | I'm not gonna have time to get into that subtopic,

00:26:11.980 | but Robert Jones and David Powelson

00:26:15.100 | have done some good work in this area,

00:26:17.300 | just working through how to help a person

00:26:20.540 | who says that he or she is angry at God.

00:26:25.540 | And so the Bible speaks much about the sin of anger.

00:26:32.420 | David Powelson does a good job surveying this issue

00:26:36.940 | as it is found in Scripture,

00:26:38.740 | from the blame shifting of Adam and Eve

00:26:42.580 | in the Garden of Eden,

00:26:44.060 | to the murder of Abel by his brother Cain,

00:26:48.300 | to the anger of Moses displayed in the wilderness

00:26:52.300 | when he struck the rock instead of speaking to it,

00:26:56.100 | to the brooding temper of Saul, the self-willed king.

00:27:01.740 | Powelson says both by precept and example,

00:27:06.740 | the Bible continually enlightens us about anger

00:27:10.580 | intending to change us.

00:27:12.980 | The motivations for sinful anger

00:27:16.020 | are exposed within Scripture.

00:27:18.260 | Why do the Israelites grumble repeatedly in the wilderness?

00:27:22.180 | The Bible doesn't leave us in doubt.

00:27:24.260 | They didn't get what they wanted,

00:27:27.420 | and they didn't believe that God was good,

00:27:32.220 | powerful, and wise.

00:27:36.300 | In all cases, the cause of sinful anger

00:27:38.540 | boils down to specific lies and lusts

00:27:42.260 | that rule the human heart.

00:27:44.220 | You and those you counsel are no different.

00:27:49.100 | Why is this essay topic so important?

00:27:55.020 | Dear friends, it is important

00:27:56.900 | because the sin of anger is an issue of the heart

00:28:03.980 | that reveals what we truly love and what we truly worship.

00:28:08.340 | If I worship my job, I will be angry at my competitor.

00:28:14.820 | If I worship my own comfort,

00:28:17.100 | I'll be angry when I'm stuck in rush hour traffic.

00:28:20.180 | If I worship my bank account,

00:28:23.060 | I will be angry when the economy goes south

00:28:26.340 | or when a business fails.

00:28:29.300 | If I worship my own reputation,

00:28:31.860 | I will be angry when others do not treat me

00:28:34.260 | with the respect that I think I deserve.

00:28:38.220 | Show me what makes you sinfully angry,

00:28:42.260 | and I will show you what you truly love,

00:28:45.740 | what you truly trust, what you truly treasure,

00:28:49.940 | and ultimately what you truly worship.

00:28:53.420 | And so when we're dealing with our own sinful anger,

00:28:58.780 | we are not dealing with an issue

00:29:00.780 | that can be viewed in isolation.

00:29:03.460 | Dealing with this issue in our own sanctification

00:29:08.460 | is really a way of drawing us to worship

00:29:13.220 | the true and the living God.

00:29:14.740 | It is an issue of submitting our hearts

00:29:19.620 | to the Lordship of Christ.

00:29:22.660 | It is an issue of asking God to purify our hearts,

00:29:28.540 | to cleanse our hearts,

00:29:29.980 | so that he will rule over our hearts

00:29:34.820 | and over every desire and treasure of our hearts.

00:29:39.820 | And when our hearts are purified and transformed in this way,

00:29:44.700 | we become more like Christ.

00:29:47.100 | And we begin to demonstrate the character qualities

00:29:53.020 | that are beautiful in his sight,

00:29:57.100 | patience and kindness, gentleness,

00:30:00.180 | and those issues that, those characteristics

00:30:06.740 | that reflect the loveliness of our savior.

00:30:10.220 | Secular psychology can't do that.

00:30:13.940 | Can never deal with the root issue.

00:30:16.060 | Secular psychology cannot deal with the worship issues

00:30:21.060 | in a person's life.

00:30:22.540 | If you read the DSM-4 or the DSM-5,

00:30:26.340 | you will find accurate descriptions of how people behave.

00:30:30.060 | You will find accurate descriptions of how people behave

00:30:35.340 | when they are angry.

00:30:36.700 | In the DSM-5, there are more than 32 disorders

00:30:41.700 | that list anger, aggression, or irritability as a symptom.

00:30:46.820 | What you will not find in the secular literature

00:30:51.740 | is a description of the root issues

00:30:56.740 | that cause people to become angry

00:31:00.780 | or the solutions to those root issues that give hope

00:31:05.780 | and the help for change.

00:31:09.660 | One of the things that I like to say to people in counseling

00:31:13.460 | when they're dealing with the issue of anger,

00:31:15.660 | especially if I'm assured that this person is a believer,

00:31:19.620 | is just to say, "Brother, you don't need to be a slave

00:31:24.140 | "to anger.

00:31:26.620 | "You don't need to destroy the relationships

00:31:28.940 | "that are around you.

00:31:29.780 | "You don't need to hurt your wife in this way.

00:31:32.340 | "The Bible says you are not a slave to sin,

00:31:35.740 | "and you can repent.

00:31:37.980 | "You can grow.

00:31:40.020 | "You can bear the fruit of patience and kindness

00:31:43.740 | "and faithfulness and self-control.

00:31:46.260 | "You can love Christ more than you love

00:31:50.300 | "whatever you are worshiping in your life right now.

00:31:54.220 | "By God's grace and through the work of Jesus on the cross,

00:31:58.180 | "you have been freed from the power of sin,

00:32:00.420 | "and you can grow.

00:32:02.220 | "You don't need to be a slave to anger."

00:32:05.300 | And I say this as one who was enslaved to anger

00:32:09.380 | in my unbelieving life.

00:32:11.220 | Before I came to Christ, I was a slave to the sin of anger.

00:32:15.060 | And by God's grace, through the work of Jesus on the cross,

00:32:18.860 | I've been freed from that sin.

00:32:20.260 | And although I still am tempted to anger

00:32:23.140 | and struggle with anger, I am not a slave to this sin.

00:32:26.660 | I have been, by God's grace, able to grow in this area

00:32:31.340 | and overcome anger in my life.

00:32:36.340 | Secular psychology can't do that

00:32:39.380 | for any of our counselees.

00:32:41.740 | And so we have noted that one example

00:32:44.860 | of how the secular world describes anger

00:32:47.700 | is using the diagnosis of IED,

00:32:51.660 | or Intermittent Explosive Disorder.

00:32:53.860 | We've covered that in year one.

00:32:56.860 | What I find interesting about the DSM's description

00:33:01.420 | of Intermittent Explosive Disorder

00:33:03.580 | is that there really is no hope for life change.

00:33:08.260 | This disorder can be managed,

00:33:10.260 | and hopefully over time it will go away.

00:33:13.340 | But the secular world can't give solutions to this issue.

00:33:18.340 | At the bottom of your handout,

00:33:19.660 | you have the Mayo Clinic's 10 tips to tame your temper.

00:33:24.420 | Number one, think before you speak.

00:33:26.900 | Once you're calm, express your anger, get some exercise,

00:33:31.140 | take a timeout, identify possible solutions,

00:33:34.660 | stick with I statements, don't hold a grudge,

00:33:37.540 | use humor to release tension, practice relaxation skills,

00:33:41.620 | and know when to seek help.

00:33:44.220 | Now, I am not doubting that some of those help,

00:33:48.780 | some of those tips may be helpful.

00:33:51.220 | In temporarily restraining the full expression

00:33:56.220 | of a person's anger,

00:34:00.020 | you might find that some of these things may help you

00:34:05.300 | not explode when you're in traffic on a certain freeway.

00:34:10.300 | They may be helpful in a very limited temporary way,

00:34:13.460 | but none of those tips will help a person

00:34:15.940 | become more like Jesus Christ.

00:34:18.580 | And so the secular world can only manage behavior.

00:34:25.540 | I've noticed on, I've noted on page two,

00:34:31.780 | the three approaches that the secular world seeks to use

00:34:36.780 | in addressing the issue of anger.

00:34:40.900 | And I'll just note this just briefly for your reference,

00:34:44.900 | 'cause I do think it's helpful

00:34:46.220 | in contrasting what the Bible says

00:34:48.540 | versus what the secular world says about anger.

00:34:51.380 | The psychodynamic approach is basically the idea

00:34:54.060 | that anger is sort of this neutral energy fluid

00:34:58.660 | that builds up inside of you.

00:35:00.700 | And the way you deal with it is you let it out.

00:35:05.700 | It's sort of this idea is that there is this pressure

00:35:09.340 | that is building up inside of you.

00:35:10.740 | So you have to vent all that pressure out.

00:35:13.620 | And if you release it, then the issue will be solved.

00:35:18.260 | Well, the problem with that is that the Bible says

00:35:21.780 | that anger is not neutral.

00:35:23.540 | Anger is a form of murder in the heart.

00:35:27.940 | And so you don't wanna be releasing murder in the heart

00:35:32.940 | out into the world.

00:35:34.940 | You wanna be dealing with that heart issue before the Lord.

00:35:39.100 | But that is the psychodynamic approach.

00:35:41.340 | There is the behaviorist approach,

00:35:43.420 | which says that anger is learned from people in society.

00:35:47.060 | And so your father was angry,

00:35:49.100 | therefore you learned your anger from him.

00:35:52.340 | And there is some truth to that.

00:35:54.820 | I mean, there is some truth that if you go

00:35:57.860 | with an angry person and you spend time

00:35:59.980 | with an angry person, that you will learn

00:36:02.260 | that person's ways, Proverbs 23 warns against that.

00:36:07.260 | And yet this approach does not account for the fact

00:36:10.140 | that a two-year-old who has wonderfully sweet parents

00:36:14.540 | will still throw a temper tantrum.

00:36:17.220 | Even though that two-year-old has not observed

00:36:20.780 | his father or mother throw temper tantrums,

00:36:24.060 | he has somehow learned to do a temper tantrum

00:36:28.420 | all by himself.

00:36:30.580 | I never had to teach my children lessons

00:36:34.260 | on how to become angry.

00:36:36.700 | I did have to teach them lessons on how to be selfless

00:36:39.940 | and how to serve others.

00:36:42.260 | But the behaviorist approach can't account

00:36:44.140 | for the fact that anger is not only learned.

00:36:47.820 | Anger is an issue of the heart and sinners are born

00:36:51.460 | into this world knowing how to be angry.

00:36:54.620 | And then there is the cognitive approach.

00:36:57.460 | This again is the secular world seeking to deal

00:37:01.420 | with this issue, which says that anger is based

00:37:04.020 | on beliefs and expectations.

00:37:05.580 | Again, there's some truth to that.

00:37:08.700 | Anger is related to what we believe.

00:37:12.820 | And yet the cognitive approach does not account

00:37:15.340 | for the fact that we live in relationship with God.

00:37:19.420 | A secular approach to dealing with anger can't account

00:37:22.820 | for the heart's relationship with the true

00:37:26.580 | and the living God and how we either relate

00:37:30.020 | to God rightly or wrongly.

00:37:32.620 | And so the secular world cannot transform a person

00:37:38.620 | and make that person more like Christ.

00:37:43.900 | So just simply stated, the goal in biblical counseling

00:37:48.900 | is not to manage behavior.

00:37:51.300 | We learned that in year one.

00:37:53.380 | The goal in biblical counseling is to help an angry person

00:37:58.300 | become a worshiper of Jesus Christ so that the fruits

00:38:01.860 | of the spirit begin to grow in that person's life.

00:38:06.860 | With that said, let me move to page three of your handout

00:38:10.260 | and give you a biblical definition for anger.

00:38:15.260 | Robert Jones has written this,

00:38:18.020 | "Our anger is our whole person's active response

00:38:21.980 | of negative moral judgment against perceived evil."

00:38:26.980 | That's a good definition you'll find

00:38:28.740 | in his book, "Uprooting Anger."

00:38:31.060 | It's also a very quotable definition

00:38:34.620 | that really encompasses a lot of things

00:38:37.620 | that the Bible says about the sin of anger.

00:38:41.060 | Our anger is our whole person that is both heart

00:38:45.620 | and body, both immaterial and material,

00:38:49.340 | both soul and body are involved in anger.

00:38:53.820 | It is a heart issue, a form of murder in the heart,

00:38:56.460 | but you will find that it affects what we say,

00:38:59.220 | how we behave, it affects our emotions.

00:39:02.460 | And so our anger is our whole person active response.

00:39:07.460 | That is to say that we're not just passively letting out

00:39:12.820 | neutral pressure that is built up inside of us

00:39:15.460 | when we are angry, we are actively sinning

00:39:20.380 | when we are angry.

00:39:23.460 | And so he says, "It is our whole person active response

00:39:27.740 | of negative moral judgment against perceived evil."

00:39:34.260 | Now that last part of the definition is very helpful

00:39:38.660 | and I just wanna camp on that for a moment.

00:39:43.500 | When you and I are angry, we are making a moral judgment.

00:39:48.500 | Our hearts are declaring that a certain person

00:39:55.700 | or certain event is morally wrong.

00:40:00.140 | So it's wrong that that person took my parking spot

00:40:06.420 | on a Sunday morning.

00:40:07.940 | Or it's wrong that this person sat in the seat

00:40:13.220 | that I saved on a Sunday morning.

00:40:15.860 | Or it's wrong that that person took the donut

00:40:18.740 | that I wanted to eat on a Sunday morning.

00:40:22.140 | So there's lots of temptations to become angry

00:40:24.300 | just on a Sunday morning.

00:40:26.580 | We haven't even gotten to Monday yet.

00:40:30.340 | The point is that the heart is always making

00:40:34.900 | these moral judgments.

00:40:38.540 | I am angry because my heart has declared a certain situation

00:40:42.980 | or a certain person to be wrong.

00:40:45.500 | It is wrong that the dishes are not cleaned by my children

00:40:49.500 | when I come home.

00:40:50.460 | Or it is wrong that this person does not treat me

00:40:53.060 | with the respect that I think I deserve.

00:40:55.700 | It is wrong that my parents won't give me what I want.

00:41:00.700 | That is the dynamic, the heart dynamic at work in anger.

00:41:05.300 | It's just helpful to recognize that,

00:41:07.220 | that your heart is making a negative moral judgment

00:41:12.940 | against perceived evil.

00:41:15.340 | And let me apply that for just a moment.

00:41:19.500 | Let's take the example of when a married couple fights

00:41:23.660 | or has a conflict.

00:41:26.620 | My wife, Mina, and I have been married for 24 years.

00:41:30.180 | And I like to tell people we have no practical experience

00:41:35.180 | at this at all.

00:41:37.540 | And I'm being totally humorous.

00:41:39.780 | Of course, we have experience at being in conflict

00:41:44.140 | and having to resolve conflict.

00:41:47.980 | I hope you know me well enough to know

00:41:50.620 | that my wife and I experience conflict.

00:41:54.020 | We are two sinners who have our share

00:41:56.580 | of differing viewpoints in life.

00:41:59.620 | But we have learned to recognize that when we are

00:42:03.700 | in a conflict and when anger is involved,

00:42:06.660 | that generally what is happening is that the two of us

00:42:10.540 | are making a moral judgment of the other person.

00:42:15.100 | What is happening in the conflict is that we are trying

00:42:18.660 | to justify ourselves and blame the other person

00:42:23.660 | for what is wrong.

00:42:26.140 | Conflict Resolution 101 says this,

00:42:30.740 | "Stop trying to justify yourself.

00:42:35.020 | Stop trying to show the other person

00:42:37.500 | where the other person is wrong.

00:42:40.820 | Instead, confess your sins to the other person

00:42:47.140 | and show the other person where you are wrong.

00:42:51.300 | Turn your moral judgment upon yourself

00:42:58.140 | and allow that moral judgment to lead you to repentance.

00:43:04.980 | Before the Lord."

00:43:06.340 | The point is that whenever anger is involved in a conflict,

00:43:12.580 | a certain moral judgment is taking place.

00:43:16.460 | You are standing as the judge upon a person

00:43:23.220 | or a certain situation.

00:43:25.820 | And in that sense, you are taking the place of God

00:43:28.780 | because there is only one true judge

00:43:31.660 | who makes a righteous judgment all the time.

00:43:35.700 | And so I think that last part of the definition

00:43:39.900 | is very helpful.

00:43:42.140 | Our anger is our whole person's active response

00:43:47.020 | of negative moral judgment against perceived evil.

00:43:51.620 | Now, if you look at page three of your handout,

00:43:56.420 | you have the forms of anger listed.

00:44:00.340 | This is based off of Ephesians chapter four, verse 31.

00:44:03.860 | Paul says, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger

00:44:07.220 | and clamor and slander be put away from you

00:44:09.620 | along with all malice."

00:44:11.940 | He uses a number of different words for anger.

00:44:14.940 | It's the put off.

00:44:19.660 | "Let all bitterness, wrath and anger be put away from you."

00:44:23.900 | And then verse 32, he talks about the put on.

00:44:27.260 | "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted,

00:44:30.740 | forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you."

00:44:35.740 | When is an angry person no longer angry?

00:44:41.940 | Not only when that person puts off sinful anger,

00:44:46.940 | but an angry person is no longer angry

00:44:49.580 | when he or she is kind, tender-hearted

00:44:54.420 | and fulfilled with forgiveness for other people.

00:44:59.420 | And so you have the forms of anger listed there.

00:45:05.500 | I won't take the time to walk through all of that,

00:45:07.940 | but just note that Paul says that all bitterness

00:45:12.940 | and wrath and anger and clamor and slander

00:45:16.140 | is to be put away from us.

00:45:19.660 | This is a call to deal with the sin of anger,

00:45:24.220 | decisively and radically.

00:45:27.900 | Let me move to towards the bottom of page three

00:45:33.900 | on your handout

00:45:34.740 | and just walk through some elements of this definition.

00:45:38.740 | We noted that anger is an active response.

00:45:41.840 | You and I are actively sinning when we are angry.

00:45:53.520 | If we can actively sin,

00:45:55.100 | we can actively repent of that sin.

00:45:58.460 | Colossians 3, verse eight,

00:46:03.360 | "But now you must put them all away."

00:46:06.660 | The word put away refers to a decisive, definitive action

00:46:11.660 | that needs to be carried out with a sense of urgency.

00:46:17.200 | You don't need a blow off steam.

00:46:23.040 | You don't need to cool off.

00:46:25.140 | What you need to do is put your anger away.

00:46:30.100 | Repent of that sin and do it immediately.

00:46:35.100 | Ephesians four talks about,

00:46:38.500 | "Do not let the sun go down on your anger."

00:46:43.020 | This is not a call to vent your anger.

00:46:46.200 | It is not a call to release your anger.

00:46:49.140 | It is a call to repent from your anger.

00:46:54.020 | Don't vent what's in your heart.

00:46:57.380 | Submit your heart to the Lordship of Christ.

00:47:01.020 | Just say to the Lord,

00:47:03.020 | "Lord, my anger is revealing a heart

00:47:05.300 | "that is in rebellion against you.

00:47:07.700 | "And I don't wanna live in rebellion against you,

00:47:12.920 | "unsubmissive to your word.

00:47:14.580 | "Soften my heart, Lord.

00:47:17.180 | "Bring my heart in submission to you."

00:47:21.180 | James one verse 19, "Know this my beloved brothers,

00:47:25.060 | "let every person be quick to hear,

00:47:28.020 | "slow to speak, slow to anger."

00:47:33.020 | Did Jesus become righteously angry in his earthly ministry?

00:47:39.660 | He did.

00:47:40.760 | There is a place for righteous anger in the Christian's life.

00:47:47.160 | But even when Jesus became righteously angry,

00:47:50.880 | he demonstrated in his earthly ministry a slowness to anger.

00:47:55.880 | How many times did he put up with the disciples questioning

00:48:02.560 | and their failures and their weaknesses

00:48:04.960 | without becoming angry with those men?

00:48:08.860 | And James calls us to be slow to anger.

00:48:13.500 | Why?

00:48:14.340 | Anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

00:48:17.480 | You accomplish nothing good when you become sinfully angry.

00:48:22.480 | Therefore, James says, here's the word again, put away.

00:48:27.700 | Now that is a call to action.

00:48:31.000 | Put away, again, the comprehensive term,

00:48:35.880 | all filthiness and rampant wickedness.

00:48:40.280 | And receive with meekness the implanted word

00:48:43.000 | which is able to save your souls.

00:48:47.700 | The connection between dealing with anger

00:48:54.060 | and hearing God's word, dealing with sin

00:48:59.060 | and receiving the word of God into our hearts

00:49:03.300 | is noteworthy in this text.

00:49:06.260 | You and I don't hear the word of God well when we are angry.

00:49:12.320 | If our hearts are filled with pride

00:49:15.040 | and arguments against other people

00:49:17.280 | and self-righteousness and self-justification,

00:49:22.220 | then we are not able to hear the word of God taught

00:49:26.440 | and preached, at least not with great profit.

00:49:31.080 | And James says that we are to put away our anger

00:49:36.000 | as well as filthiness and wickedness

00:49:39.960 | so that we may receive the word of God.

00:49:44.040 | The word of God would bear fruit in our lives.

00:49:49.800 | So anger is an active response,

00:49:52.560 | which in some ways is a hopeful truth

00:49:56.240 | because it means that we can actively repent from anger.

00:50:00.520 | Let me move to page four of your handout

00:50:02.840 | and just note here that anger is a hard issue.

00:50:06.020 | We have used these verses often in our year one training.

00:50:10.480 | I'm just applying it here to the issue of anger.

00:50:13.900 | Anger is a hard issue.

00:50:18.000 | Matthew 15, verse 19,

00:50:19.280 | "For out of the heart come evil thoughts,

00:50:21.320 | "murder, adultery, sexual immorality,

00:50:24.200 | "theft, false witness, slanders.

00:50:25.820 | "These are what defile a person,

00:50:27.940 | "but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a person."

00:50:31.680 | Proverbs 4, verse 23,

00:50:32.920 | "Keep your heart with all vigilance

00:50:35.440 | "for from it flow the springs of life."

00:50:38.400 | Matthew 5, verse 21,

00:50:39.680 | "You have heard that it was said to those of old,

00:50:42.380 | "you shall not murder

00:50:44.240 | "and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.

00:50:46.720 | "But I say to you that everyone who is angry

00:50:48.860 | "with his brother will be liable to judgment.

00:50:51.180 | "Whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council.

00:50:53.840 | "Whoever says you fool will be liable to the hell of fire."

00:51:00.640 | Anger is a hard issue.

00:51:03.960 | Remember from year one, the dynamics of the heart.

00:51:06.940 | I'll just place this on the slide here.

00:51:10.460 | We looked at the fact that the heart has thoughts.

00:51:14.300 | Scripture talks about the thoughts

00:51:16.020 | and the intentions of the heart.

00:51:18.700 | The heart has desires.

00:51:21.780 | Scripture talks about the desires of the heart.

00:51:25.020 | And the heart also has treasures or values.

00:51:29.100 | Jesus said where your treasure is, your heart will be also.

00:51:33.420 | So we have these dynamics that relate to the heart.

00:51:36.460 | The heart is always thinking, desiring, treasuring,

00:51:40.000 | valuing, declaring something or someone

00:51:43.280 | to be worthy of its affections.

00:51:46.300 | And so out of the heart flow the issues of life.

00:51:52.260 | Anger reveals what is in your heart.

00:51:57.680 | And so out of the heart's thinking and desiring

00:52:02.680 | and treasuring and worshiping come external actions,

00:52:07.200 | emotions, and words.

00:52:08.920 | And so what we find is that secular psychology

00:52:12.320 | is seeking to manage behavior from an external perspective.

00:52:17.320 | Secular psychology is seeking to address actions,

00:52:20.080 | emotions, and words without dealing with the dynamics

00:52:24.400 | of the heart, the thoughts, and the desires,

00:52:28.040 | and the values which are characteristic of the heart.

00:52:33.040 | And so we don't wanna be merely managing behavior.

00:52:38.020 | We want to be instruments that are used by God

00:52:42.620 | to affect spirit-led transformation of the heart.

00:52:47.120 | That brings us to the key text that is on page three,

00:52:52.980 | James 4, verses one to two.

00:52:55.440 | James says, "What causes quarrels

00:53:00.040 | "and what causes fights among you?

00:53:02.680 | "Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?

00:53:05.620 | "You desire and do not have, so you murder,

00:53:08.720 | "you covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.

00:53:12.120 | "You do not have because you do not ask."

00:53:14.640 | That's the heart issue that is related to the sin of anger.

00:53:18.480 | It goes back to the two toddlers

00:53:20.000 | who were fighting over the Legos.

00:53:23.260 | You want something that you do not have.

00:53:26.860 | You want something that you are not getting.

00:53:30.820 | You want something and someone is in the way.

00:53:34.620 | And so you're angry at that person

00:53:38.500 | for standing in the way of your heart's desire.

00:53:42.800 | You are angry because you are wanting something

00:53:47.540 | more than you want the glory of God.

00:53:50.800 | Some potential things that you may want

00:53:54.740 | are listed by Jim Uheiser in the homework sheet

00:53:57.580 | that I sent to you.

00:53:58.420 | That's a good sheet to just give to a counselee.

00:54:02.220 | Potential things that people want,

00:54:04.280 | that they become angry when they don't get it.

00:54:06.760 | I wanna be respected, appreciated.

00:54:09.660 | I want to be comfortable.

00:54:11.540 | I want to be successful.

00:54:13.860 | I want to be treated fairly.

00:54:15.380 | I want to be free from problems and pressures.

00:54:19.020 | I mean, that's something that you will notice

00:54:22.520 | that in my case study, when I come home from a day's work,

00:54:27.520 | and I believe that because of my day's work

00:54:32.140 | that I should enter into a hassle-free zone.

00:54:35.720 | My house should be a place with no problems and no issues.

00:54:40.460 | And when I don't get what I want,

00:54:42.880 | I'm willing to become angry over it.

00:54:44.540 | That's just helpful to see how the heart dynamics

00:54:48.060 | are interacting with the issues of life.

00:54:51.720 | I want to have a life which is free from difficulty.

00:54:56.420 | I want to have a spouse who is affectionate.

00:54:59.220 | I want to have a spouse who is not late.

00:55:02.220 | That's a issue that may apply to many families

00:55:06.540 | on a Sunday morning or even a weekday morning.

00:55:10.100 | I wanna have children who make me look good.

00:55:13.420 | I want to get my own way.

00:55:15.180 | I wanna be happy, be safe, be pain-free.

00:55:19.100 | I want to be thought of as intelligent and witty.

00:55:22.500 | Just, Neuhauser is doing a number on us.

00:55:25.240 | He's just listing a number of things

00:55:27.860 | that the heart can desire in an idolatrous way.

00:55:32.860 | How do you know that those desires have become idolatrous?

00:55:37.380 | You become angry when you don't get them.

00:55:42.560 | And so, as I said, this issue is a way

00:55:47.560 | of seeing how our hearts are truly worshiping.

00:55:52.920 | We note here that it's possible to want a good thing

00:55:59.880 | in a wrong way.

00:56:01.040 | Is it wrong to want my wife to respect me?

00:56:04.600 | No, not necessarily.

00:56:06.040 | But if I want that respect so much that I'm willing to sin,

00:56:09.440 | if I don't get it, then that desire

00:56:12.080 | has become an idolatrous lust.

00:56:14.840 | So on the screen here, I put the throne staircase diagram,

00:56:19.760 | which you'll find in Robert Jones's materials.

00:56:23.440 | We use this in counseling ministry.

00:56:24.840 | Sometimes it's helpful with a counselee

00:56:26.580 | to just write out or draw out some diagrams

00:56:29.440 | that help them to understand basic biblical concepts.

00:56:34.240 | And basically, here you have on the throne

00:56:38.040 | what should be happening, which is Christ

00:56:40.520 | should be on the throne of your heart,

00:56:43.240 | ruling over every desire.

00:56:46.920 | And yet there are some desires that begin

00:56:49.120 | at the bottom of the staircase that ascend the staircase

00:56:52.940 | and then occupy the throne

00:56:56.120 | and they begin to rule over the heart.

00:57:00.040 | And that's what James is talking about,

00:57:02.720 | that the source of your conflict is a desire

00:57:05.320 | that is in your heart.

00:57:06.360 | And so we use this diagram just to illustrate for counselees

00:57:11.520 | there are desires that really should be at the bottom

00:57:14.280 | of the staircase that may have ascended

00:57:16.480 | to the throne of your heart.

00:57:18.040 | And now they are seeking to take the place of Christ

00:57:22.720 | on the throne of your heart.

00:57:24.120 | We want Christ to rule over every desire.

00:57:27.480 | The cure for an idolatrous heart is repentance and submission

00:57:35.540 | before the Lord, James 4, verse 8.

00:57:38.760 | Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.

00:57:41.560 | Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts,

00:57:43.980 | you double-minded.

00:57:45.400 | Be wretched and mourn and weep.

00:57:46.800 | Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.

00:57:49.880 | Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you.

00:57:55.160 | So we cover that anger is an active response.

00:57:58.440 | Anger is a heart issue.

00:57:59.840 | And thirdly, anger involves a moral judgment,

00:58:04.480 | James 4, verse 12.

00:58:06.640 | Who are you to judge your neighbor?

00:58:11.360 | Jones says our anger, in essence,

00:58:13.080 | involves a negative moral judgment that we make.

00:58:17.320 | It arises from our judicial sense

00:58:19.480 | and functions under the larger dynamic of judgmentalism.

00:58:23.400 | In the sense, we may call anger a moral emotion.

00:58:26.560 | Anger protests what you did was wrong.

00:58:31.920 | It pronounces that action is unjust.

00:58:35.880 | It pleads this must stop.

00:58:39.520 | Anger objects to wrongs committed.

00:58:42.880 | So what we do in biblical counseling

00:58:47.360 | is we help people reflect on what they are

00:58:51.920 | doing when they become angry.

00:58:57.000 | We give assignments.

00:58:58.000 | We dialogue.

00:58:58.840 | We ask questions.

00:59:00.660 | And what we are trying to do is help

00:59:02.880 | people reflect on their own conduct

00:59:06.300 | and reflect on what it is that their hearts are

00:59:10.360 | doing when they become angry over a certain situation.

00:59:14.160 | I sent you a homework assignment that was written out

00:59:17.040 | by Lou Priolo.

00:59:18.200 | It's very helpful.

00:59:19.680 | It asks the questions, what circumstances

00:59:23.000 | led to my becoming angry?

00:59:25.520 | What did I do when I became angry?

00:59:29.000 | What is the biblical evaluation of what

00:59:32.760 | I did when I became angry?

00:59:34.380 | And what should I have done when I became angry?

00:59:37.760 | And that's just a homework assignment

00:59:39.400 | that is designed to help a counselee reflect

00:59:42.680 | on their own behavior and what are the heart issues that

00:59:46.120 | are leading to this expression of anger.

00:59:50.400 | And we're seeking to help the counselee bring their heart

00:59:52.880 | to submission before the Lord.

00:59:55.880 | Very quickly on page 5 of your handout, just a brief note.

01:00:00.520 | I'm not going to go over this in great detail.

01:00:02.720 | But just the question asks about the whole person.

01:00:09.880 | So just note that, as we've talked about,

01:00:11.680 | the heart issues that give rise to anger,

01:00:15.120 | that anger also affects the outer man, the body.

01:00:18.560 | You see this in the example of Cain and Abel,

01:00:21.200 | that Cain became angry and his face fell.

01:00:26.960 | And so anger shows itself in what a person

01:00:31.080 | does with his or her body.

01:00:34.360 | It affects the outer man.

01:00:36.140 | And then we see that anger expresses itself

01:00:38.640 | in destructive words and actions.

01:00:43.200 | As I mentioned, I think I mentioned Keith Palmer, who's

01:00:46.920 | my friend and who oversees the counseling ministry here

01:00:51.800 | from a distance.

01:00:52.920 | He's an ACBC fellow and board member.

01:00:55.120 | He did an excellent seminar on sword words or verbal abuse

01:01:01.000 | that is found at the ACBC website

01:01:03.920 | and relating that to the heart issue of anger.

01:01:07.080 | Just a very helpful seminar that you

01:01:10.120 | might want to listen to in preparation

01:01:12.520 | to writing this essay.

01:01:16.200 | Strategies to deal with sinful anger.

01:01:19.200 | There are many that we could name here,

01:01:21.800 | but the three main ones that I would highlight

01:01:25.920 | is, just very practically, so much

01:01:30.720 | of working with a counselee is helping

01:01:34.520 | them not to be self-deceived.

01:01:38.140 | A person who is angry feels justified in his anger.

01:01:42.040 | As it's been said by others, I've

01:01:44.880 | never lost an argument in my own mind.

01:01:48.200 | When you are angry, you will feel also

01:01:51.240 | righteous in that anger.

01:01:52.600 | And you may even feel that you are righteously expressing

01:01:58.640 | that anger in a way that is making a situation move

01:02:01.800 | from wrong to right.

01:02:03.960 | And James says that your anger is not

01:02:06.800 | accomplishing anything helpful.

01:02:09.540 | The anger of man does not accomplish

01:02:11.440 | the righteousness of God.

01:02:13.240 | So just helping people not to be self-deceived

01:02:17.520 | about what they're doing.

01:02:18.620 | And it requires a lot of patience

01:02:20.800 | in asking good questions, good homework assignments.

01:02:26.240 | But helping people just recognize their anger,

01:02:30.000 | and then also seeing the seriousness,

01:02:32.280 | the gravity of their anger, is one of the first ways

01:02:36.160 | to deal with the issue.

01:02:38.440 | Identifying ungodly desires.

01:02:41.320 | What do you want right now that more than you

01:02:45.520 | want the glory of God?

01:02:47.240 | If you do counseling long enough,

01:02:48.880 | you find that people will tell you exactly what they want.

01:02:51.280 | They will say exactly what they want.

01:02:53.720 | I just want my wife to treat me in a certain way.

01:03:00.320 | The key is to bring those desires in submission

01:03:04.400 | to the Lord.

01:03:06.040 | And then actively pursuing Christ-like character

01:03:10.400 | is helpful.

01:03:12.700 | I want to leave you with an illustration

01:03:15.880 | that I found very helpful from the writings of Paul Tripp.

01:03:19.760 | And I hope that this will give you some hope in counseling

01:03:22.940 | ministry.

01:03:23.440 | And it's also a great example of how powerful counseling can be.

01:03:28.240 | And he has this--

01:03:29.080 | I think it's on his blog, so it's very public.

01:03:31.880 | He writes, "I was a very angry man.

01:03:35.160 | The problem is that I didn't know I was an angry man.

01:03:40.800 | My wife, Luella, knew I was angry.

01:03:42.440 | My kids knew I was angry, but I didn't know.

01:03:46.120 | Luella was very faithful in bringing that anger before me

01:03:49.040 | with this result in failures to love my family.

01:03:51.280 | She did it often and with much grace, but I wouldn't listen.

01:03:55.680 | Again and again, I would wrap myself in robes of righteousness

01:03:59.920 | and tell her what a great husband I was.

01:04:02.920 | I said I would pray for her problem with discontentment.

01:04:08.240 | I was a man in the midst of destroying my marriage, family,

01:04:10.720 | and ministry, and I didn't know it.

01:04:14.200 | This is embarrassing to admit, but there was an occasion

01:04:16.600 | when Luella was confronting me, and I

01:04:18.800 | said these deeply humble words.

01:04:20.320 | 95% of the women in our church would

01:04:22.440 | love to be married to a man like me.

01:04:24.200 | I bet that helped the problem.

01:04:27.200 | Luella very quickly informed me that she was part of the 5%.

01:04:31.160 | I was convinced that no one had a more accurate picture of me

01:04:33.760 | than I did.

01:04:34.520 | In my blindness, I also failed to see and fear the disaster

01:04:38.600 | that I was heading toward.

01:04:40.640 | Now, here's where the counseling comes into play.

01:04:43.360 | On the way home from a ministry training weekend,

01:04:45.440 | my brother Ted suggested that we should

01:04:48.360 | make the things we learned practical to our personal lives.

01:04:52.160 | He then began to ask questions about my marriage.

01:04:56.800 | As he asked, it was as if God was ripping down curtains,

01:05:00.080 | and I saw and heard myself with accuracy

01:05:02.160 | for the first time in years.

01:05:04.280 | Praise God for the specificity of the convicting ministry

01:05:07.480 | of the Holy Spirit.

01:05:08.920 | As my eyes were open, I couldn't believe what I had said and

01:05:11.760 | done.

01:05:12.260 | I was broken and grieved.

01:05:13.960 | It was hard for me to believe that the man who I was seeing

01:05:16.880 | was me.

01:05:17.920 | I couldn't wait to get home.

01:05:21.240 | When I entered my house that night,

01:05:22.660 | Luella could tell that something was up on my seriousness.

01:05:25.560 | I asked her if we could talk.

01:05:26.760 | After we sat down, I said, I know for years

01:05:28.800 | that you've been trying to talk to me about my anger

01:05:31.760 | and my failure to love you and the kids as I should,

01:05:33.960 | and I've been unwilling to listen.

01:05:36.120 | I can honestly say tonight that I'm ready to listen.

01:05:39.320 | I want to hear.

01:05:42.720 | He writes that the next several weeks were extremely painful,

01:05:45.280 | as I saw that anger everywhere.

01:05:47.120 | But I experienced the transformative pain of grace.

01:05:50.840 | God was causing that anger to become so repulsive to me

01:05:54.520 | that I would never want to be there again.

01:05:58.360 | By God's grace, that life-dominating anger is gone.

01:06:03.000 | Grace has removed the power of that old anger from my heart.

01:06:05.880 | He's not talking about perfectionism there.

01:06:07.720 | He's just saying that his eyes were opened and convicted

01:06:11.880 | to repent of that sin, and now he can make progress

01:06:16.400 | in his sanctification.

01:06:18.200 | I share that story for a couple of reasons.

01:06:19.960 | One, Paul Tripp is a very recognized biblical counselor.

01:06:25.600 | And so if he struggled with anger,

01:06:29.440 | then all of us need to do the work of looking at ourselves

01:06:33.360 | first before we would try to counsel others in this area.

01:06:38.440 | Number two, you see how blinding anger can be,

01:06:42.600 | that you can feel completely justified

01:06:46.840 | and be completely blinded to the issue of anger in your life.

01:06:53.480 | And so much of the work is praying for the Holy Spirit

01:06:56.760 | to help people see the issue in their lives.

01:07:00.360 | And then I share that story, number three,

01:07:02.080 | because Paul Tripp had a good brother named Ted

01:07:08.160 | who knew how to counsel and knew how to ask the right questions,

01:07:13.400 | who knew how to draw out the purposes of the heart

01:07:16.480 | and then to address biblically the sin of anger.

01:07:21.440 | And I share that story because God used Ted

01:07:26.000 | as an instrument in the Redeemer's hands

01:07:27.760 | to help his brother grow in sanctification

01:07:30.600 | and possibly saved a marriage, a family, a ministry,

01:07:34.360 | and brought many blessings to bear in a person's life

01:07:39.160 | and possibly in the church's life.

01:07:41.000 | And I just want to commend that example to you

01:07:44.920 | and pray that you and I may be one day

01:07:50.600 | that counselor in someone else's life,

01:07:53.400 | to be used in a person's life

01:07:55.440 | to bring about that sanctification,

01:07:57.640 | that a marriage may be healed, a family may be healed,

01:08:00.520 | that blessings may be brought to the church,

01:08:03.880 | that you and I would become skilled in counseling

01:08:08.640 | in the area of dealing with sinful anger.

01:08:12.240 | I want to trust that to you and trust that to the Lord

01:08:15.000 | and pray that this was a helpful study

01:08:17.400 | as we prepare for counseling exam number four.

01:08:21.760 | Thank you all so much for being here tonight

01:08:23.720 | and for joining us for this study.

01:08:26.520 | We look forward to seeing the fruits of this study

01:08:29.960 | in your counseling exams and in your further training.

01:08:36.280 | What I'm going to do, there's some questions coming in.

01:08:38.800 | I'm going to go ahead and close this in prayer.

01:08:40.520 | If you want to stay on, I'll stay on for five minutes or so

01:08:44.760 | to answer any questions that might come in,

01:08:46.960 | but we'll dismiss you tonight and let you go if you need to go.

01:08:51.320 | Let me pray for us.

01:08:53.480 | Father, thank you so much for our study.

01:08:56.680 | We pray, Father, that you would help us

01:08:58.640 | to do the hard work of repentance ourselves,

01:09:02.200 | that we would repent of not just some forms of anger,

01:09:05.440 | but all of it, that we'd put it away,

01:09:07.480 | all bitterness, wrath, clamor, slander,

01:09:10.880 | that it would all be put away,

01:09:12.240 | that we may receive with meekness the word of God,

01:09:17.320 | and that it may bear fruit in our lives.

01:09:20.240 | I pray that you would train each of us

01:09:23.000 | to be instruments in the Redeemer's hands,

01:09:26.920 | that you would use us as you used Ted Tripp

01:09:29.800 | in his brother's life

01:09:31.520 | to bring about life transformation

01:09:33.080 | for the glory of God.

01:09:34.680 | And we trust you for these things

01:09:36.840 | and pray this in Jesus' name, amen.

01:09:40.360 | Amen, God bless you.

01:09:41.480 | If you have any questions,

01:09:42.600 | I'll hang on for a few more minutes.

01:09:44.040 | Otherwise, you may be dismissed,

01:09:45.480 | but I'll answer some of the questions

01:09:46.960 | that are coming in on the Q and A.

01:09:50.440 | The question came in,

01:09:51.720 | how do we truly submit anger and not stuff it inside?

01:09:56.240 | We may think we submit,

01:09:57.760 | but in reality, we stuff the anger.

01:10:00.080 | It's a great question.

01:10:01.360 | I think that the question is relating to

01:10:07.200 | how do we truly deal with the anger

01:10:12.200 | that we have inside and not store it up,

01:10:16.880 | I think would be the language that we might use.

01:10:21.880 | And I do think that where we need to go

01:10:25.720 | with James chapter four is asking that hard question

01:10:30.720 | of what is the desire that is not being met

01:10:37.720 | here that is causing the anger.

01:10:40.760 | And I'm trying to think of some other examples in real life.

01:10:44.080 | I'm giving you a lot of my own stories

01:10:47.320 | with the lasagna story and other stories.

01:10:50.240 | But typically when you're angry,

01:10:54.480 | you are wanting something that you are not getting.

01:10:59.040 | And the issue of dealing with that anger

01:11:04.960 | is to submit that desire to the Lordship of Christ.

01:11:09.960 | It's praying not my will, but your will be done.

01:11:14.880 | And it may be that God's will for me

01:11:19.040 | is that I come home and the dishes aren't done

01:11:23.320 | or the living room is not clean.

01:11:25.120 | I mean, that may be God's will for me as a father

01:11:29.360 | and to submit whatever desire that I have to the Lord

01:11:34.200 | and humble myself before him,

01:11:36.400 | I think is really the key to dealing

01:11:39.880 | with that type of sinful anger.

01:11:43.080 | I'm not sure if that's answering the question,

01:11:48.120 | the specific issue there.

01:11:50.680 | But I do think that dealing with desire

01:11:53.520 | is the heart of life transformation.

01:11:57.920 | By the way, you need to view your corporate worship,

01:12:04.000 | what you do on a Sunday morning

01:12:05.640 | as a battle for sanctification.

01:12:10.640 | That's what we're doing

01:12:13.280 | when we're singing these songs of worship,

01:12:15.080 | reminding ourselves that only Christ is worth

01:12:19.960 | all of our heart's desires

01:12:21.440 | and all of our treasuring and valuing of our hearts.

01:12:26.400 | Christ deserves it all.

01:12:28.600 | And when you worship Christ in that way,

01:12:32.320 | then you can go home to possibly a family member

01:12:35.720 | who doesn't respect you

01:12:37.720 | and you can respond with grace and with kindness

01:12:40.880 | because you're not worshiping your own comfort

01:12:44.120 | or your own reputation.

01:12:45.520 | You're worshiping Christ

01:12:46.680 | and out of the overflow of your relationship with Christ,

01:12:49.360 | you can give to someone who is not giving to you.

01:12:53.240 | So I hope that's a helpful answer to the question.

01:12:57.400 | Well, God bless you all.

01:13:01.000 | Have a wonderful week.

01:13:02.080 | We'll be back here next Sunday at 5 p.m. Pacific time

01:13:05.760 | and looking at counseling exam number five.

01:13:08.160 | Have a wonderful week of study.

ACBC Counseling Exam 4 - Dealing with Sinful Anger

Chapters