How Do Introverts Guard Against Selfishness?

00:00:00.000 | Introverts and extroverts. It seems like a useful designation for personality types.

00:00:09.820 | Even if they're not biblical categories, they lead to an interesting conversation for Christians

00:00:14.180 | and to this question in particular today from a middle-aged man. Pastor John, thank you

00:00:20.080 | for this podcast. How can I tell if I'm being introverted in social settings or simply being

00:00:24.820 | selfish? Is this something you have ever struggled with? Are there strategies for an introvert

00:00:30.500 | to grow in social selflessness and kindness and love without feeling a false guilt for

00:00:36.600 | not being an extrovert? Pastor John, what would you say to him? My experience is that

00:00:42.900 | categorizing ourselves and others as introvert or extrovert has not borne very good fruit.

00:00:52.940 | In general, it seems to me to frame our way of thinking about ourselves and our behaviors

00:00:59.000 | in a way that is more naturalistic and fatalistic and limiting than perhaps is healthy for a

00:01:07.940 | Christian. I think it tends to have the effect of minimizing our sense of what is good and

00:01:15.980 | bad, helpful and harmful, loving and unkind, edifying and destructive, and replacing those,

00:01:24.660 | I think, more biblical categories with a kind of fatalistic personality typing that very

00:01:30.900 | easily says, "Well, that's just the way I am. The way I just acted, you didn't like

00:01:37.380 | me for it. Well, just get used to it. Deal with it, because that's who I am." Say that

00:01:42.100 | to a wife or a husband or a friend. I think our friend who wrote this, who didn't give

00:01:48.220 | us his name, so we'll call him our friend, I think our friend who wrote this realizes

00:01:53.780 | this, and that's why he's asking the very question that he's asking. How do you keep

00:01:59.460 | from using a category of introversion or whichever as a justification, say, of being withdrawn

00:02:07.940 | or selfish or unkind? So let me suggest that we come at the issue of our personalities

00:02:16.500 | from another angle, namely, from the angle of spiritual gifts. So the suggestion I'm

00:02:25.500 | going to make is that we think of introvert and extrovert not as limiting personality

00:02:33.380 | types but as strategic spiritual giftings. This really will provide some practical guidance

00:02:42.880 | for our friend's question in just a moment. But first, let me set up the biblical foundation

00:02:49.620 | for this suggestion, this proposal. Consider, for example, Romans 12, 6-8. "Having gifts

00:02:57.740 | that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them," and then listen to

00:03:02.380 | these three, "if service in our serving, the one who contributes in generosity, the

00:03:09.860 | one who does acts of mercy with cheerfulness." And I only mentioned three in that longer

00:03:16.180 | list because serving and contributing and mercy, they sound so natural. I mean, like,

00:03:25.100 | anybody can do that, right? Serve, contribute, mercy. They don't look supernatural. They

00:03:30.860 | look ordinary. And yet, Paul puts them in the category of "gifts that differ according

00:03:38.260 | to the grace given to us." So they are supernatural. So I take this to mean that what looks like

00:03:46.660 | a natural bent toward serving, or a natural bent towards contributing with generosity,

00:03:55.380 | or a natural bent towards being merciful—that those bents, those personality types, you

00:04:02.940 | might say, become spiritual gifts when they are suffused with grace and made edifying

00:04:13.260 | to others to point people to the glory of Christ. So I think this is the way Peter talks

00:04:21.500 | about spiritual gifts in 1 Peter 4, 10-11, as well. Just to underline this, he says,

00:04:28.420 | "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God's

00:04:34.020 | varied grace. Let him who serves serve in the strength that God supplies, in order that

00:04:41.340 | in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ." That's 1 Peter 4, 10-11.

00:04:46.940 | So, I think it would be fair to say that in Peter's mind, a spiritual gift is any bent

00:04:55.820 | or ability that you turn into a stewardship of God's varied grace, so that God is glorified

00:05:05.460 | and people are built up. So a spiritual gift in Peter's mind is any trait of your personality

00:05:13.820 | which you, in the power that God supplies, becomes graciously helpful to others and draws

00:05:21.660 | attention to the glory of Christ. So here's the implication for thinking about introversion

00:05:27.340 | and extroversion. Shift your thinking away from naturalistic, fatalistic, limiting categories,

00:05:36.460 | and direct your thinking into categories of introversion and extroversion as this kind

00:05:44.380 | of spiritual gift, which means that our entire focus will be on, "How do I make my peculiar

00:05:55.220 | personality serve, by God's power, the extension of grace into other people's lives for the

00:06:04.260 | glory of Christ?" And I think this will have two really good effects if we do that

00:06:11.580 | kind of thinking shifting. First, when I'm in a situation outside my comfort zone, okay,

00:06:19.820 | I will not surrender to the selfish, fatalistic thinking of, "Well, I just am the way I

00:06:27.860 | am," but will seek God's power to make my peculiar bent and gifting a means of grace

00:06:39.380 | to others. That's the first implication it will have. And second, when I remain in my

00:06:45.700 | comfort zone, I do not simply slip into a kind of fatalistic self-centeredness. The

00:06:54.260 | attitude, "Well, this is just the way I am. I'm not going to go to that party. I'm

00:06:57.740 | not going to go to that reception. I'm not going to stand over there and talk to anybody.

00:07:00.860 | I'm going to sit over here in a chair. I'm just going to chill." And a lot of people

00:07:05.500 | feel justified because they're one way or the other. "I'm just going to do it because

00:07:09.100 | I feel like it." Instead, I should focus all my thinking toward this, "How can my

00:07:17.500 | peculiar bent and gifting in this comfort zone that I'm staying in become an instrument

00:07:26.260 | of grace for others and for the glory of Christ?" Now, let me just give a couple of examples,

00:07:32.940 | because people may not be clicking with me what I mean there, because I'm saying you

00:07:37.100 | can walk out of your comfort zone and deal with this as a spiritual gift, and you can

00:07:41.340 | stay in your comfort zone and turn that into a miracle of grace. So here's the illustration.

00:07:47.420 | Suppose a person—I got real people in mind here when I say this, but I won't name anybody—suppose

00:07:52.620 | a person is so introverted that he decides he could never function as an upfront minister

00:07:59.780 | or manage a lot of social gatherings the way a pastor might, and so he's never ever going

00:08:05.220 | to do that. What does he do? He asks, "Okay, if I'm not going to do that, if I'm going

00:08:11.380 | to remain in my limitations and my comfort zone, how can I maximize my gift of introversion,

00:08:20.980 | my spiritual gift of introversion for the glory of Christ in my comfort zone?" And

00:08:27.460 | what does he do? I know him. I know his name. He became a Bible translator in a remote tribe

00:08:34.860 | for 30 years. I've watched this happen. So in other words, in choosing to remain in his

00:08:43.340 | comfort zone, he denied himself, as Jesus said, and he made sacrifices in that kind

00:08:52.440 | of comfort zone, leaving another kind of comfort zone, and risks his life for the glory of

00:08:58.020 | Christ in the translation of the Bible. That's the kind of thing I mean.

00:09:01.620 | Or here's one more example, like John Piper, okay? If I would probably put myself in the

00:09:09.140 | category of an introvert, I really love to be alone, I love to read, it's a chore in

00:09:15.060 | a sense for me to hobnob in gatherings and just go around and make small talk. If I choose

00:09:21.420 | not to move toward a more sociable lifestyle, here's what happens. And I have chosen. I

00:09:29.540 | have chosen not to move toward a very sociable lifestyle. What do I do? I feel a tremendous

00:09:37.180 | impulse inside of me to make my solitude as productive as I possibly can in writing for

00:09:46.820 | the good of others and for the glory of Christ.

00:09:50.260 | So bottom line, shift your categories of thinking from naturalistic, fatalistic, limiting personality

00:09:58.940 | typing to the category of spiritual gifts, which means that your introversion and extroversion

00:10:07.700 | are given to you not to justify selfishness or hobnobbing or whatever, but to shape the

00:10:16.900 | stewarding of grace for the good of others and for the glory of Christ.

00:10:22.260 | That's a good word, Pastor John. Thank you. And thanks for listening to the podcast over

00:10:27.740 | at our online home. You can explore all of our episodes in our archive of about 1300

00:10:31.940 | episodes a day. There you can see a list of our most popular episodes, read full transcripts,

00:10:35.940 | and even submit a question to us that you might be wrestling with yourself. Go to DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

00:10:40.940 | Well, our next question is from a woman whose friend is coming out as a lesbian. It's not

00:10:49.380 | a new question faced by Christians and certainly not one unfamiliar to our own inbox. So how

00:10:55.340 | should this Christian woman respond to her friend in the most loving way possible? That's

00:11:00.340 | Wednesday's question. I'm your host Tony Reinke. We'll see you then.

00:11:03.620 | [END]

00:11:05.620 | 1. What is your relationship with your friend? How do you get along? What is your relationship

How Do Introverts Guard Against Selfishness?

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