Should I Confront Sin in My Non-Christian Friends?

00:00:00.000 | A podcast listener named Sarah who lives in Chicago writes in to ask this, "Dear Pastor John,

00:00:05.460 | how should Christians respond to the sin of unbelievers?

00:00:08.480 | I have longtime friends who are not Christians who partake in drunkenness and homosexuality among other sins

00:00:14.400 | and I'm wondering how to respond to their behavior with love and with grace.

00:00:18.840 | In conversation, should I be unresponsive to their willful sin in the hopes of remaining friends with them and their eventual salvation?

00:00:26.640 | Or should I call out their sin and explain to them why they are in need of a Savior with the risk of alienating them

00:00:33.160 | and losing our friendship?"

00:00:35.160 | We know that Jesus was called a

00:00:38.760 | friend of tax collectors and

00:00:41.440 | sinners, Matthew 11 19.

00:00:44.440 | And we know that he was invited

00:00:48.120 | into the homes of sinners, both the non-religious kind like tax collectors and sinners,

00:00:54.200 | he calls them people like prostitutes, and

00:00:56.840 | the religious kind like Pharisees. What we don't know is how often Jesus was invited back.

00:01:06.840 | And

00:01:09.040 | the reason that seems like a real question to me as I read the Gospels is that he explained his presence with sinners

00:01:17.840 | differently than you might expect.

00:01:21.760 | He didn't explain himself as a simple friend who just enjoys hanging out with sinners,

00:01:27.440 | like they would make them feel good.

00:01:30.080 | Friendship with tax collectors and sinners and Pharisees did not mean for Jesus the enjoyment of their fellowship.

00:01:38.560 | They had very little in common to fellowship around.

00:01:41.920 | He loved them too much

00:01:44.400 | to enjoy what they enjoyed. The way Jesus explained his presence with sinners was this,

00:01:51.880 | this is Matthew 9 10, "Those who are well have no need of a physician,

00:01:58.240 | but those who are sick, go and learn what this means.

00:02:01.760 | I desire mercy and not sacrifice, for I came not to call the righteous, but

00:02:06.680 | sinners to repentance." And lots of people today I think would say, "Good grief that was offensive.

00:02:12.760 | I mean, that's an offensive way to talk.

00:02:16.160 | I'm hanging out with you because you're sick and you need a physician.

00:02:21.360 | You're a sinner and not righteous and you need a Savior. That's the meaning of my

00:02:26.720 | presence as Savior and doctor." There are a lot of people today I think who would say, "That's just inauthentic."

00:02:33.400 | You need to first

00:02:36.120 | really enjoy the camaraderie

00:02:38.120 | that you have with

00:02:40.080 | believers and then when they feel that you you're really one of them and enjoy being with them,

00:02:46.360 | then they might be willing to hear that they are sick and need a physician and sinners and need a Savior.

00:02:53.160 | Well, that's not the way Jesus was thinking.

00:02:55.760 | I can imagine that in most of these dinner parties, Jesus said things that were so blunt and

00:03:03.600 | so straightforward and to some so offensive that he never got invited back.

00:03:09.360 | For example, when he was invited to Simon's house,

00:03:12.760 | he was criticized by his host for allowing a woman to anoint his feet and wipe them with her hair.

00:03:19.240 | And his response was a full-blown

00:03:22.480 | indictment of his host.

00:03:25.360 | Turning toward the woman, he said to Simon, "You see this woman. I entered your house.

00:03:32.040 | You gave me no water from my feet. She has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.

00:03:38.000 | You gave me no kiss.

00:03:39.480 | From the time I came in, she's not ceased to kiss my feet. You didn't anoint my head with oil and she has anointed my

00:03:45.280 | feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you,

00:03:47.560 | her sins which are many are forgiven, for she loved much, but he who is forgiven little loves little."

00:03:54.720 | It is easy to imagine that at many of the dinner parties,

00:04:01.080 | Jesus went to issues arose in the conversation that exposed the

00:04:07.480 | selfishness and pride and greed and sensuality of

00:04:11.720 | sinful friends that he loved.

00:04:14.640 | And from the little we can see, it is highly unlikely that Jesus would have simply

00:04:22.000 | listened and said nothing about the ways of the kingdom.

00:04:27.040 | He would have acted like a physician.

00:04:30.680 | "I see some disease here and I know a remedy."

00:04:36.000 | And he points them to the ways of the kingdom.

00:04:39.280 | Later in the first century,

00:04:41.520 | we do get a glimpse in 1st Peter of the very tension that Sarah is asking about.

00:04:48.440 | On the one hand, Peter calls Christians to be overflowing with good deeds towards unbelievers in the hope that their criticisms will be

00:04:56.720 | silenced.

00:04:58.080 | Criticism of Christians will be silenced.

00:05:00.080 | That their hostile attitudes would be shamed,

00:05:04.040 | silenced, 2.15, chapter 2, verse 15. Shame, chapter 3, verse 16. And that they would be brought to glorify God, chapter 2, verse 12.

00:05:11.920 | So it's clear that the believers didn't want to unnecessarily alienate the unbelievers,

00:05:18.360 | but rather to win them and

00:05:20.760 | declare the excellencies of him who called them out of darkness into light, chapter 2, verse 9.

00:05:26.120 | But Peter was also aware that Christians were called to live

00:05:32.400 | lives of such purity and holiness

00:05:35.000 | that

00:05:37.160 | unbelievers would inevitably be offended and critical as the Christians pulled away from

00:05:43.280 | fellowship in those sins.

00:05:45.720 | This is an amazing two verses in chapter 4, verse 3 and 4.

00:05:50.560 | "For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality,

00:05:56.400 | passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties,

00:06:00.560 | lawless idolatry, with respect to these they are surprised

00:06:04.400 | when you do not now join them in the same flood of

00:06:10.840 | debauchery and they

00:06:13.320 | malign you."

00:06:15.040 | So the point here is simply that

00:06:17.040 | we live with the tensions of what love really requires of us.

00:06:24.080 | What does a true friend really do?

00:06:29.640 | A true friend is full of good deeds and returns good for evil and a true friend

00:06:36.960 | abstains from sinful behavior and declares the excellencies of Christ. And both of these strategies are

00:06:44.640 | necessary.

00:06:46.000 | Neither is guaranteed to win over the unbeliever.

00:06:50.040 | That's what we long for. That's what we pray for.

00:06:53.360 | But we don't shrink back from our good deeds and we don't shrink back from lives of purity and holiness and

00:07:00.880 | verbal declarations of the excellencies of Christ. We leave

00:07:05.400 | the outcome and the fruit to God in Christ by the Spirit.

00:07:11.100 | So I would say to Sarah, the longer you wait to explain

00:07:15.640 | Christ and his

00:07:18.360 | excellencies and the ways of Christ and the reasons for your hope in Christ, the more awkward

00:07:24.600 | it will seem to you when it comes and the more perplexed

00:07:30.080 | your friends are going to be that it took you so long.

00:07:33.420 | So ask your small group at church or your friends or whoever believers you have in your life, ask them to

00:07:39.920 | pray for you earnestly and then go ahead and put into words

00:07:45.840 | your love for your unbelieving friends.

00:07:49.680 | Yeah, that's a pointed approach. We need to think through and apply with wisdom.

00:07:54.120 | Thank you, Pastor John. And for more details about this podcast or to catch up on past episodes

00:07:58.640 | we've released or to subscribe to the audio feed, even send us a question of your own like Sarah did today. Really good question, Sarah.

00:08:04.480 | Thank you.

00:08:05.400 | Go to our online home, DesiringGod.org/askpastorjohn. You can do all of that and more there.

00:08:12.200 | Pastor John and I will return on Monday. A listener wants to know in the Christian community, is the missionary superior to the artist?

00:08:19.480 | We'll think through that on Monday. I'm your host Tony Reinke. We'll see you then.

00:08:23.480 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

Should I Confront Sin in My Non-Christian Friends?

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