If My Church Lacks Available Singles, Should I Leave?
00:00:00.000 | Peter, a podcast listener in Northern Ireland, writes in to ask this.
00:00:08.780 | My church is good and biblically solid, but has no suitable marriage prospects for a single
00:00:13.320 | guy in his early 20s with a strong desire for marriage.
00:00:17.440 | Pastor John, is this situation an acceptable reason for me to leave my church in search
00:00:22.120 | of another?
00:00:23.120 | I think if I were talking to Peter, instead of immediately saying yes or no, I would put
00:00:29.980 | before him some questions to ask.
00:00:32.680 | So maybe this will be helpful to him and to others.
00:00:36.160 | What kind of questions would you ask in trying to make such a decision?
00:00:40.680 | Here's number one.
00:00:42.080 | Do my elders approve of my move?
00:00:45.800 | Have they given their counsel?
00:00:49.280 | Don't be a Lone Ranger Christian.
00:00:52.240 | Seek wisdom from those who know you and your situation best.
00:00:57.800 | That's number one.
00:00:58.800 | Number two, how much would I be missed?
00:01:02.160 | How much harm would I do if I left?
00:01:06.080 | How much am I needed here?
00:01:07.400 | That would be another question.
00:01:08.560 | Here's a third one.
00:01:10.400 | Will I honestly be able to throw myself into the ministry of a new church with an authentic
00:01:18.560 | sense that I love the people here and I want to serve them, or will I be tempted to feel
00:01:26.600 | like I'm just using these people?
00:01:28.760 | I'm just showing up here for reasons that don't have to do with so much of what the
00:01:34.440 | church is about in terms of worship and edification.
00:01:38.120 | I'm really out to find a wife.
00:01:40.240 | Will you have a clear conscience that you can love those people and throw yourself in
00:01:43.880 | there?
00:01:44.880 | Maybe.
00:01:45.880 | Fourth question, have you really exhausted all the proper ways one might connect with
00:01:52.040 | Christian young women of your age?
00:01:54.940 | For example, have you been open with a network of family and friends whom you love and trust
00:02:02.060 | them and tell them that you're really open to their suggestions?
00:02:06.660 | We don't do arranged marriages in the West, but many good marriages have been partially
00:02:12.820 | arranged by other people who know us and know her or him.
00:02:19.700 | Have you opened yourself to those family and friends that you trust in this way and to
00:02:25.220 | that way of thinking about it?
00:02:28.620 | Here's the fifth one.
00:02:30.340 | If you go to this new church and nothing happens there, will you move again?
00:02:36.100 | Would that put you into an unhealthy situation of defining your life around wife-seeking?
00:02:44.780 | Another question.
00:02:45.860 | Have you seriously considered whether you might want her too much?
00:02:51.860 | Not that it's bad to want to be married, but ask the Lord to make plain to you, do I want
00:02:58.860 | this too much?
00:03:00.440 | Is it out of proportion in my life?
00:03:03.380 | And the final thing maybe is, do I trust the sovereign grace of God to do this for me in
00:03:11.260 | his time?
00:03:13.920 | There is a proper balance between trusting God to do a thing and taking initiatives that
00:03:19.540 | are fitting for a young man to make.
00:03:23.380 | So let me circle back up to the beginning.
00:03:27.500 | Bottom line, in a healthy and well-led church, which is I think what he's saying he's in,
00:03:34.180 | the elders don't run your life.
00:03:36.640 | That's unhealthy, that's cultic when the elders are too nitpicky about knowing everything
00:03:40.880 | you do.
00:03:41.880 | They don't run your life, but they do care for you and must give an account for your
00:03:47.360 | soul.
00:03:48.360 | So let the input of trusted leaders help you make this decision.
00:03:53.000 | Amen.
00:03:54.000 | Thank you, Pastor John.
00:03:55.400 | And for those of you who are struggling with singleness, we recorded an episode a while
00:03:59.280 | back titled "How Singleness is Good."
00:04:02.200 | It's episode number 170 in the Ask Pastor John series, and it's maybe most easily found
00:04:07.020 | in the Ask Pastor John app for the iPhone and the Android.
00:04:09.800 | Make sure you've updated your app in the last month to get all of the new features, and
00:04:13.480 | then scroll through the archive until you find episode number 170.
00:04:17.720 | We'll be back tomorrow to close out the week with a new episode.
00:04:20.440 | Until then, I'm your host, Tony Reinke.
00:04:21.920 | Thanks for listening.
00:04:22.720 | [end]
00:04:23.220 | 1. What is singleness?
00:04:24.220 | 1. What is singleness?
00:04:25.220 | 2. What is singleness?
00:04:26.220 | 3. What is singleness?
00:04:27.220 | 4. What is singleness?
00:04:28.220 | 5. What is singleness?
00:04:29.220 | 6. What is singleness?
00:04:30.220 | 7. What is singleness?
00:04:31.220 | 8. What is singleness?