What Is Love?

00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)

00:00:02.580 | - Lorna, a podcast listener in Ireland,

00:00:08.080 | writes in with an observant question for you.

00:00:10.600 | Pastor John, the most popular question asked at Google

00:00:14.680 | is this, what is love?

00:00:18.760 | Why do you think so many people struggle to understand love

00:00:21.420 | and how would you define it?

00:00:23.860 | - I think if we start with the definition,

00:00:27.880 | it will become clearer why so many people struggle

00:00:31.840 | to understand what love is.

00:00:34.160 | So let's admit that there are

00:00:40.120 | very different kinds of love.

00:00:44.520 | Or to put it another way, the word love can be used

00:00:49.260 | in many different ways.

00:00:51.760 | So whenever we're asking what love is,

00:00:55.260 | like Lorna is asking me now,

00:00:57.660 | in a sense I need to respond and say,

00:01:00.700 | according to whose definition,

00:01:04.700 | or according to what document,

00:01:06.800 | or according to what passage of scripture.

00:01:08.940 | So for example, C.S. Lewis,

00:01:12.300 | and I would recommend this very highly,

00:01:14.760 | in his book, "The Four Loves,"

00:01:17.360 | distinguishes eros, kind of romantic love

00:01:20.800 | where the lovers are hungry for each other,

00:01:24.000 | and philos, friendship love,

00:01:27.420 | where two people are linked arm in arm,

00:01:29.440 | shoulder to shoulder with a common vision

00:01:31.460 | and a common goal and a delight in that partnership

00:01:35.060 | of pulling together toward the goal.

00:01:37.580 | And storge, affection that one might have

00:01:41.180 | for an old sweater, or slippers,

00:01:44.620 | an old dog that you just can't let go.

00:01:47.620 | And agape, divine love characterized by sacrifice

00:01:51.780 | and the pursuit of another person's good.

00:01:54.360 | So just from Lewis, you see,

00:01:57.780 | well, which one of those do you want me to define

00:02:00.800 | when you say what is love?

00:02:02.580 | So that's part of the reason why people are groping

00:02:05.040 | is because the word love has so many different references,

00:02:09.420 | and it's not a bad thing that it should.

00:02:12.280 | Now what I have found most helpful

00:02:14.440 | is to divide love into two categories,

00:02:17.320 | and I got this first from Jonathan Edwards,

00:02:19.320 | but it goes way back beyond him,

00:02:22.720 | and he divides love into love of complacency

00:02:27.720 | and love of benevolence.

00:02:30.720 | And complacency would be I love pizza.

00:02:35.100 | And in other words, I find myself pleased

00:02:39.240 | by the qualities I find in pizza,

00:02:42.160 | namely its taste.

00:02:43.920 | That would be love of complacency,

00:02:45.640 | or you might love a place or a country or lots of things.

00:02:49.680 | You could say you love them because they are lovely,

00:02:52.520 | they are pleasing to you,

00:02:55.080 | whereas the love of benevolence

00:02:58.600 | is not based on the loveliness of the object of the love,

00:03:03.600 | but rather your goodwill, benevolent,

00:03:07.000 | your goodwill toward the person

00:03:10.600 | or the thing that you're loving,

00:03:12.040 | and your aim in that kind of love is to do good,

00:03:15.360 | to bring about something beautiful,

00:03:18.880 | not respond to beauty.

00:03:21.520 | So we could spend a long time discussing

00:03:24.160 | the nature of complacency in God

00:03:27.600 | and what it's like to know and enjoy and admire

00:03:31.200 | and be satisfied in God,

00:03:33.360 | and we could spend a long time talking about benevolence

00:03:38.360 | to people who don't have the kind of admirable traits

00:03:42.400 | that make us drawn to them.

00:03:44.960 | So what I think would be most helpful

00:03:47.240 | in response to the question

00:03:49.480 | is to give a biblical definition

00:03:51.840 | of the love of benevolence

00:03:53.920 | because this is the kind of love

00:03:56.960 | which in the Bible is celebrated

00:04:00.400 | as the heart of God's love.

00:04:04.200 | So the magnitude of God's love of benevolence

00:04:09.200 | is measured in the Bible by four criteria

00:04:14.200 | that I can see.

00:04:15.960 | First, the degree to which the person loved

00:04:19.480 | does not deserve to be loved.

00:04:21.440 | Second, the greatness of the price paid to love a person.

00:04:27.680 | Third, the greatness of the good

00:04:32.000 | that is done for the person when he's loved.

00:04:35.040 | And fourth, the level of desire

00:04:38.480 | that God has for the good of the one loved.

00:04:43.960 | So let me just give an example of verse

00:04:45.960 | for each one of those.

00:04:47.520 | So number one, in Romans 5, six to eight,

00:04:51.140 | God loves the least deserving

00:04:55.020 | and therefore his love is greater.

00:04:56.920 | So for while we were still weak

00:04:59.240 | at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly.

00:05:01.280 | For one will scarcely die for a righteous person,

00:05:04.320 | but perhaps for a good person, one might even dare to die.

00:05:07.400 | But God, different from all that,

00:05:10.160 | shows his love of his love, this is what love is,

00:05:13.540 | in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us.

00:05:17.520 | So the first measure of the magnitude of God's love

00:05:20.100 | is we don't deserve it, and that's why it is great.

00:05:25.100 | Second is the price he's willing to pay.

00:05:30.280 | So John 15, 13, "Greater love has no one than this,

00:05:35.520 | "than that he lay down his life."

00:05:39.600 | And so the measure there in verse 13 of John 15

00:05:44.140 | is that it's measured not just by the fact

00:05:48.380 | that I don't deserve it,

00:05:49.580 | it's measured by the price he's willing to pay,

00:05:51.720 | namely his own son's life.

00:05:53.980 | And the third measure is the good

00:05:58.180 | that I get through this love,

00:06:01.340 | and in John 3, 16, that's called eternal life

00:06:04.620 | for God so loved the world, loved the world

00:06:06.820 | that he gave his only begotten son

00:06:08.220 | that whoever believes in him should not perish,

00:06:10.520 | but have eternal life.

00:06:12.440 | And then he defines eternal life in chapter 17

00:06:15.280 | by saying it's to know God and to know Christ.

00:06:19.180 | So the greatest possible love

00:06:21.760 | gives the greatest possible gift, which is God himself.

00:06:25.760 | And the fourth is did God do this begrudgingly,

00:06:29.600 | or does he do this with all his heart?

00:06:33.360 | And Zephaniah 3, 17, "The Lord your God is in your midst,

00:06:38.360 | a mighty one who will save.

00:06:39.960 | He will rejoice over you with gladness.

00:06:43.660 | He will quiet you by his love.

00:06:45.420 | He will exult over you with loud singing."

00:06:49.640 | And the same thing in Luke 15

00:06:51.240 | where the father sees the son coming home,

00:06:54.260 | and he hugs him, and he puts a ring on his hand,

00:06:56.880 | and robes, and shoes, and throws a party.

00:07:00.220 | In other words, God is totally in to saving us.

00:07:03.700 | He's not doing this, nobody's twisting God's arm.

00:07:06.860 | So the most beautiful love in the world

00:07:10.800 | is this divine love that pays the highest price,

00:07:15.800 | the life of the son of God,

00:07:17.860 | for completely undeserving enemies, us,

00:07:20.980 | to give us the longest and greatest happiness

00:07:23.740 | in his presence, and he loves doing it.

00:07:27.200 | And one last thing, if it sounds contradictory

00:07:31.720 | to say that the heart of God's love

00:07:34.600 | is benevolence toward unworthy people like us,

00:07:37.520 | and yet the ultimate goal of human life

00:07:41.600 | is complacency in God, which I do think it is,

00:07:46.600 | I don't think that's really a contradiction.

00:07:48.840 | And the reason it's not is because the ultimate aim

00:07:53.280 | of God's benevolence toward us

00:07:56.640 | is to give us complacency in himself.

00:07:59.960 | So the love of benevolence ultimately serves in us

00:08:04.960 | the love of complacency in God.

00:08:08.100 | So God doesn't have ultimate satisfaction in us,

00:08:11.560 | we have ultimate satisfaction in him.

00:08:14.320 | God would be an idolater if his ultimate goal

00:08:17.840 | were complacency in us.

00:08:20.360 | Rather, he works to give us ultimate complacency in him.

00:08:24.560 | We don't love God by helping God out of deficiency into joy,

00:08:29.560 | but God does love us by helping us

00:08:32.640 | out of deficiency into joy.

00:08:35.760 | But in both cases, our love for God and his for us,

00:08:39.160 | the ultimate aim is the same,

00:08:41.400 | that we find ultimate satisfaction in God, both of us,

00:08:46.320 | we and God finding, pursuing satisfaction in God,

00:08:53.000 | in the display of God, the exalting of God.

00:08:55.480 | So the ultimate goal of all things,

00:08:57.880 | and this may be the most helpful thing

00:09:00.160 | for the answer of this question,

00:09:02.400 | the ultimate goal of all things when the world is filled

00:09:07.400 | with the display of the infinite value of God

00:09:12.400 | by treasuring him, people who treasure him,

00:09:15.080 | enjoying him above all things.

00:09:17.240 | And in that sense, the goal of all things is love.

00:09:21.440 | So if you ask me, why do you think so many people struggle?

00:09:25.600 | With understanding love, I would say no one,

00:09:29.360 | apart from the Holy Spirit, will think of love

00:09:32.340 | like I just thought about it.

00:09:34.160 | We are by virtue of our innate sinfulness,

00:09:38.400 | self-centered, not God-centered,

00:09:42.080 | and so we run in a thousand directions

00:09:45.060 | to get away from this truth that we find our full

00:09:49.720 | and lasting satisfaction in God,

00:09:51.880 | and God is benevolent toward us precisely

00:09:54.700 | in order to bring us into that enjoyment.

00:09:56.760 | - That is a brilliant theological perspective of love.

00:10:01.360 | Thank you, Pastor John,

00:10:02.480 | and thank you for the question, Lorna.

00:10:04.680 | And speaking of love, in the past,

00:10:06.640 | we have asked this question on the podcast.

00:10:09.440 | Do I love God, or do I just love loving God?

00:10:13.360 | That was episode number 345.

00:10:15.720 | Also, we have an episode titled

00:10:17.080 | Helping Our Children Feel Loved by God.

00:10:19.560 | That is episode number 563 with guest Ray Ortlund.

00:10:23.960 | You can check out those episodes

00:10:25.260 | in the Ask Pastor John archive

00:10:26.720 | at desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn.

00:10:31.560 | Tomorrow, John Piper will explain

00:10:33.240 | what is wrong with prohibition-centered holiness.

00:10:37.080 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.

00:10:39.440 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.

00:10:40.640 | We'll see you tomorrow.

00:10:41.800 | (upbeat music)

00:10:44.380 | (upbeat music)

00:10:46.960 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

What Is Love?

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