Session 6 - Q&A With Dr. John Street

00:00:00.000 | So, as we bring these questions to Dr. Street, I think one thing that's important to keep

00:00:03.920 | in mind is, don't kind of equate what's about to happen with seeing Dr. Phil questioned

00:00:11.140 | on television.

00:00:12.140 | Please don't.

00:00:13.140 | So, we're not going to Dr. Street as some sort of a really narrow specialist, the keeper

00:00:18.720 | of all the secrets and try to tap into him before he leaves.

00:00:22.600 | Yes, he holds incredible biblical wisdom, but the key is it's biblical wisdom.

00:00:27.200 | So, he's going to bring the truth of the scriptures to bear on these questions.

00:00:31.680 | And the good news for us is that this is instructive.

00:00:36.080 | We're benefiting from him as a wise brother, but we don't need an expert in order to grow

00:00:41.680 | in Christ's likeness.

00:00:42.680 | We have the same Bible and the same Holy Spirit.

00:00:45.320 | So, that's an important principle to keep in mind.

00:00:47.240 | The other one I want to say is this.

00:00:48.760 | If we don't get to your question, you wrote a question, I want to say in the best way

00:00:54.160 | that I can, some of the questions were very, very good, they were very detailed, but they

00:01:00.080 | were also very serious and they really would require, to handle them in an honest and a

00:01:04.440 | biblically responsible way, they would require time to sit down and get more information.

00:01:09.420 | And so, we didn't feel it was wise to try to offer an answer without getting more information.

00:01:14.720 | So, if you still want to get, if your question, and you'll probably know which ones don't

00:01:18.800 | get answered, if your question's in that category, you want to send me an email, we'll work on

00:01:23.760 | maybe scheduling a time to sit down and hopefully help you to think biblically through those

00:01:27.900 | things.

00:01:28.900 | So, let's get kicked off.

00:01:29.900 | Dr. Street's going to go through these kind of rapid fire.

00:01:32.600 | I know he would love, and I would love to spend the rest of the day and night talking

00:01:36.200 | about these, but we're only going to get through kind of short answers in order to get through

00:01:40.680 | the bullet point.

00:01:41.680 | Here's the first one.

00:01:43.280 | In the category of just general biblical counseling, how can I get training, either further training

00:01:48.600 | or, as it were, retraining in true biblical counseling?

00:01:53.360 | That's a really good question.

00:01:56.640 | Some of you already saw that we passed around material about that with our graduate program,

00:02:00.680 | but not everyone can go and actually get a graduate degree, we understand that.

00:02:06.220 | Those that really want to go into it in depth, then would think about getting a good accredited,

00:02:13.040 | make sure it's fully accredited graduate degree, in biblical counseling.

00:02:18.160 | You would need to do that.

00:02:19.160 | But there are other means as well.

00:02:20.840 | For example, you heard at the beginning of our conference, I'm a part of ACBC, which

00:02:26.120 | is the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, and they offer, ACBC offers, all kinds of

00:02:35.600 | training all around the country, several different places around the country, all year long.

00:02:41.680 | And you can probably go to the ACBC website, which is biblicalcounseling.com, and you just

00:02:49.720 | go to that website, and it'll pop up, just put in your region what's the closest training

00:02:54.680 | that's going to be near to you.

00:02:57.040 | This is something that someday in the future, maybe your pastor would like to bring into

00:03:02.640 | the church here at some particular point, some training like that, so you can get further

00:03:07.120 | training in that to be of help to your church.

00:03:11.240 | That's really key.

00:03:12.240 | Again, we want to take good theology and make it practical.

00:03:16.200 | Not everything that's out there is true biblical counseling.

00:03:20.160 | You've got to understand that.

00:03:21.560 | There used to be years ago, people hated the term biblical counseling.

00:03:24.840 | I talked with a couple of Christian psychologists who laughed at the idea of biblical counseling.

00:03:29.840 | This was back in the late 1970s, early 1980s.

00:03:33.080 | They laughed at the concept of biblical counseling.

00:03:35.240 | Now biblical counseling has won so many people's hearts, now there are a lot of psychology

00:03:40.360 | programs that are adopting the terminology.

00:03:42.440 | Well, it's not true biblical counseling.

00:03:44.640 | They have to have a very high view of God, high view of the Word of God, high view of

00:03:48.800 | its sufficiency, that the Bible is not just sufficient for every spiritual problem that

00:03:53.560 | man has, but it's also superior to everything that man offers.

00:03:58.600 | So you've got to make sure you get into a program like that.

00:04:01.440 | If you're looking for an undergraduate degree in that, there are several schools that are

00:04:06.560 | out there.

00:04:08.760 | I know like Boyce College has an undergraduate degree.

00:04:11.280 | It's a very good one in biblical counseling.

00:04:14.080 | The Masters University has an undergraduate degree in biblical counseling.

00:04:19.240 | Masters even has an online undergraduate degree because the undergraduate degrees are more

00:04:24.960 | dealing with theory than professional practice.

00:04:29.720 | The graduate degrees are more practice, so there has to be more of a discipleship thing

00:04:34.000 | going on there.

00:04:37.160 | So there are programs out there that are like that scattered around the country if you want

00:04:43.360 | to pursue that on a more formal educational basis.

00:04:49.160 | But there are also wonderful seminars.

00:04:51.920 | And what usually happens is, usually what happens is people will go into the seminars,

00:04:56.160 | take the training, they'll get so excited about it and how it's changed their life and

00:04:59.720 | they've been able to help other people, that then they want to go in and get more formal

00:05:03.600 | training in it.

00:05:04.800 | That's usually what happens.

00:05:06.000 | But start that way.

00:05:08.080 | It doesn't matter.

00:05:09.520 | Just make sure that they are committed to good biblical counseling standards.

00:05:16.240 | Go on the website of ACBC.

00:05:19.100 | Go to biblicalcounseling.com, look at the standards of faith and practice.

00:05:24.680 | Read that through.

00:05:25.680 | It is the most detailed statement of any organization, any counseling, secular or Christian, in how

00:05:31.280 | to deal with counseling issues that's out there, and it's all built upon the Bible.

00:05:36.520 | When you see people offering programs that are inconsistent with that statement, you

00:05:41.920 | know something's wrong with it, all right?

00:05:44.440 | So that'll be a standard by which you could use in order to do that.

00:05:47.800 | Right.

00:05:48.800 | Now, there's a thousand more things I'm sure he'd like to say about that and I would like

00:05:52.000 | to say about biblical counseling in general and the way it sets apart from secular psychology

00:05:56.480 | or even what's normally known as Christian counseling, but we won't have time to cover

00:06:00.920 | that.

00:06:01.920 | Hopefully, that's probably the best destination.

00:06:03.480 | Go to that website.

00:06:04.480 | You'll get a lot of information.

00:06:05.480 | Yeah.

00:06:06.480 | In the general counseling category, our second one, a little bit of a change of gear here

00:06:10.360 | is how do we deal with past hurts, pains, difficulties, abuse, et cetera, kind of in

00:06:16.480 | one big hopper here, one big major question.

00:06:19.280 | Yeah.

00:06:20.280 | And that is a big one.

00:06:21.280 | And I could literally spend the next three days just talking about that straight out,

00:06:25.240 | all right?

00:06:26.240 | So let me see if I can summarize things very, very quickly here and not be too simplistic

00:06:30.080 | about it.

00:06:31.920 | This is a common issue that comes up.

00:06:34.960 | You've got people that maybe grew up in homes where they were physically or sexually abused.

00:06:39.880 | People have had bad circumstances that have occurred in life.

00:06:43.200 | If you're here tomorrow, I'm going to describe for you in the message one of the most horrifying,

00:06:51.520 | difficult people I've ever dealt with when it comes to bad background and bad past.

00:06:58.400 | I'll talk about that a little bit.

00:07:00.560 | And finally, her question to me, "Is God punishing me?"

00:07:04.200 | And that's the whole point of the message that we have.

00:07:07.940 | So I'm going to be addressing that a little bit more tomorrow, but let's say it like this.

00:07:12.840 | If I were to sum up theologically what the Bible says about this, we live in a sinful

00:07:18.040 | world.

00:07:19.040 | We live in an ungodly world.

00:07:20.120 | I've worked with numerous children who have had terrible things happen to them.

00:07:23.960 | I know that some of the men and women who have mistreated these children are in jail

00:07:31.880 | and probably going to be in jail for the rest of their life.

00:07:35.720 | And rightly so.

00:07:36.720 | Right now, you should rejoice because most of the laws in our country right now are going

00:07:42.440 | to prosecute people who do horrible things, especially to children.

00:07:47.720 | That's not always going to be true.

00:07:49.360 | There are strong forces in our country today who want to make pedophilia a common practice

00:07:55.560 | and that it's just as legitimate in our culture and society as homosexuality, lesbianism.

00:08:01.760 | People can't help themselves.

00:08:02.760 | It's just the way it is, that kind of thing.

00:08:04.540 | By the way, these robot companies are developing robot children for sex.

00:08:10.720 | This is a big issue.

00:08:12.640 | So that's one of those things that's coming down the pike.

00:08:16.600 | We live in a very corrupt society, a very corrupt culture.

00:08:21.320 | Almost every way we turn.

00:08:23.680 | And in working with the children, it's funny how children can grasp onto this better sometimes

00:08:29.080 | than adults can.

00:08:30.640 | When I begin to talk to them about the fact that we live in a sin-cursed culture, that

00:08:37.240 | you can expect in this culture people to do evil, sinful, ungodly things, and sometimes

00:08:43.960 | those will happen to you, kids will sit there and say, "Yep, yep, I understand that.

00:08:50.680 | I got it.

00:08:51.680 | I understand it."

00:08:53.000 | But we, as adults, have a tendency to act like, "Oh my goodness, this is so incredibly

00:08:57.120 | unusual.

00:08:58.120 | You don't understand what's..."

00:08:59.120 | Well, wait a minute.

00:09:00.120 | It's not.

00:09:01.120 | If you really took seriously what the Bible says about man's sinfulness, you wouldn't

00:09:05.000 | be asking, "Why does this happen?"

00:09:07.240 | That's what the world asks.

00:09:08.240 | You'd be asking, "Why doesn't this happen more often?"

00:09:12.320 | That's what you'd be asking.

00:09:14.260 | Now here's the key.

00:09:16.320 | When you've had something terrible, traumatic that's happened, a part of your past, I can

00:09:20.800 | relate to this in several different ways, but I'm not going to get into that right now.

00:09:24.920 | But if you've had terrible things or traumatic things that have happened that are a part

00:09:28.380 | of your past, you have a choice moving into the future on whether or not you're going

00:09:34.600 | to allow the thoughts of that trauma to define you, or whether or not you're going to allow

00:09:43.040 | Christ to define you.

00:09:45.440 | I hope you're listening to me on this.

00:09:49.200 | I'm saying a lot of stuff in very simple form.

00:09:52.080 | There's a lot more I could be saying with this, but if you're allowing Christ to define

00:09:58.440 | who you are, then these traumas will not have the grip or the hold on you.

00:10:05.480 | Let me use one illustration if I can, and he's given me permission to do this.

00:10:10.160 | Back just a few years ago, some of you remember, there were a terrible accident out there in

00:10:13.360 | California where a passenger train and a cargo train hit head-on, and several people died.

00:10:26.680 | Well, the first police officer on the scene of that accident was a guy in our church,

00:10:34.840 | and he had horrible nightmares about that for months after that happened.

00:10:42.960 | He's the first guy on the scene.

00:10:44.520 | People are screaming, yelling at him.

00:10:46.760 | People with severed arms, people with severed heads.

00:10:50.200 | It was a horrible thing all over the place, just spread everywhere, and he's running from

00:10:55.000 | person to person trying to make a judgment, "Can I save them?

00:10:58.080 | If I can't save them," then his training taught him to move to somebody who could save.

00:11:02.960 | At the same time, the person who he just passed over is yelling and screaming at him that

00:11:07.440 | he needs help, and those memories haunt him, the yelling and screaming.

00:11:14.600 | We went through a biblical process of dealing with that past trauma and those memories and

00:11:20.280 | not allowing that to define his life.

00:11:23.480 | He's back on the force now.

00:11:24.900 | He's functioning normally.

00:11:25.900 | He's had to deal with some pretty bad things since then, but it has not traumatized him,

00:11:30.360 | hasn't defined him any longer.

00:11:32.600 | But if he were sitting here today, he would tell you, you ask him, "What defines your

00:11:36.920 | life?"

00:11:37.920 | He says, "I want to tell you, Jesus Christ defines my life.

00:11:41.880 | That's what defines me.

00:11:43.120 | I live for Christ."

00:11:44.120 | All right.

00:11:45.120 | That's about it.

00:11:46.120 | - Yeah, and that's a huge one.

00:11:47.640 | - That's huge.

00:11:48.640 | - We could talk about that in more depth.

00:11:49.640 | If you've got more pointed questions about that, I'd love to talk with you personally.

00:11:54.040 | That same principle applies across even a broader scope because part of what we're seeing

00:11:58.160 | in the world today is people finding their identity in the effects of the fall, not God's

00:12:04.040 | design.

00:12:05.040 | So they look at what is really only present in their life.

00:12:07.240 | It's legitimate.

00:12:08.240 | - Can I say amen?

00:12:09.240 | Let me say amen.

00:12:10.240 | - Desires that are present, but they're there because of the fall.

00:12:12.760 | And they're blaming that on God.

00:12:14.400 | God did this, but no, sin did this.

00:12:16.800 | And the same thing can be true about sin done to us.

00:12:19.860 | So whether the sin nature, we try to find identity in that, or sin's done to us.

00:12:25.100 | That's a very important topic for us to explore.

00:12:28.320 | Next category, children.

00:12:30.120 | Here's an interesting one.

00:12:31.120 | At what age do you encourage children to move out of the home?

00:12:35.940 | - Somehow I knew that one was going to come up.

00:12:41.340 | All right.

00:12:43.600 | And let me say this this way.

00:12:45.200 | Again, we're dealing this in broad generalities at this point.

00:12:48.940 | There is no particular age that I set on this, because there are people even in our own congregation

00:12:54.500 | that have 30, 32-year-old kids who are quadriplegic and have bad, they were born horribly deformed.

00:13:06.540 | So we're not going to encourage them to move out of the home, obviously.

00:13:09.060 | So we don't put an age on that, but physical and mental capacity has a big role to play

00:13:16.860 | in this as to do they have the capacity physically and mentally to support themselves.

00:13:23.540 | All four of my kids were relatively normal sinners.

00:13:28.260 | And so as we taught them coming up that they're being raised to leave the home, not stay in

00:13:39.300 | the home, and to be united with their future spouse, and that their primary commitment

00:13:45.660 | is not going to be to us but to their spouse, and that doesn't mean that I love my kids

00:13:51.100 | any less than you love your kids.

00:13:52.820 | I love them just as much as you do.

00:13:55.380 | But I want them to be reasonable, functioning, Christian adults who know how to function

00:14:00.820 | in society well on their own.

00:14:02.540 | So I'm going to move them out.

00:14:04.820 | Our boys, after they graduated from, we have twin boys, they're identical twins.

00:14:09.180 | They graduated from Master's University, went and got their MDivs at Master's Seminary

00:14:17.540 | and their THMs.

00:14:19.820 | When they were all done with their education, we started charging them rent.

00:14:25.020 | All right?

00:14:26.020 | And it was great.

00:14:28.340 | That's the money I used.

00:14:29.340 | My wife and I go out to eat for dinner.

00:14:32.700 | It was phenomenal.

00:14:33.700 | All right?

00:14:34.700 | So we start charging rent, and the longer they were in the house, the higher the rent

00:14:39.500 | went.

00:14:40.500 | All right?

00:14:41.500 | Type of thing.

00:14:43.500 | Now both of them end up moving out.

00:14:46.500 | One ended up getting married.

00:14:47.580 | The other one took an associate pastor of a church.

00:14:50.260 | Now he had to back out of his associate pastor because he took a youth group up in the mountains

00:14:55.860 | and he got a horrible tick bite that got, he got Rocky Mountain spotted fever and two

00:15:01.780 | other things.

00:15:02.780 | He had to have a shunt put in and they had to destroy his immune system, re-release his

00:15:08.060 | immune system out again.

00:15:09.540 | So we moved him back in to help him during that time, but he knows he's on his way back

00:15:14.020 | out again.

00:15:15.020 | All right?

00:15:16.020 | But there are exceptions to that particular rule like I just gave you.

00:15:22.060 | Mom and dad is there as a safety net, but they're not there to stay with.

00:15:30.980 | Their purpose as mom and dad is to send them out.

00:15:34.060 | So if they're mentally and physically capable of supporting themselves, guys or girls, all

00:15:41.380 | right, then they need to go.

00:15:44.460 | Now there is a tendency to, for the Christian, to be more protective of the ladies, which

00:15:51.220 | is good.

00:15:52.220 | There's nothing wrong with that, but you have to even be careful about that, you know, because

00:15:57.620 | at some particular point they need to get out and function on their own, support themselves

00:16:02.980 | or get married and have a spouse support them, whatever the case may be.

00:16:08.380 | All right, next category, we'll go through these kind of rapid, these three, they're

00:16:12.420 | somewhat close.

00:16:13.420 | On the young couples, not married yet category.

00:16:16.220 | So number one, what do you say to couples who are living together prior to marriage?

00:16:20.500 | And that's kind of the conglomeration of a couple of really nuanced questions.

00:16:25.380 | Stop it.

00:16:28.660 | That's what needs to happen.

00:16:29.660 | I mean, they're living openly in sin.

00:16:32.620 | They're just living in open sin, and I know that's the common practice out in the world.

00:16:37.380 | I know that that's common practice out in the world, but we're supposed to be different.

00:16:42.020 | We're categorically different as Christians, and we don't adopt ourselves to the world's

00:16:49.060 | practices.

00:16:50.060 | We don't do that.

00:16:51.740 | This is not one of those things where we're going to try one another on, see if the size

00:16:56.540 | fits, and then if it doesn't fit, then we're going to move on to somebody else.

00:16:59.540 | This is not one of those things.

00:17:01.820 | This is one of those things where, like Adam, who swore his allegiance to Eve, bone of bones,

00:17:09.420 | flesh of flesh, where they swear themselves to one another, otherwise they don't enjoy

00:17:15.060 | the benefits of marriage, which includes the sexual relationship or anything else that

00:17:19.300 | goes on in there.

00:17:21.300 | They need to stop doing that, repent of that, ask each other for forgiveness.

00:17:28.180 | That's really, in counseling, we have them do that.

00:17:33.260 | The guy's got to go and ask the gal for forgiveness.

00:17:35.580 | Why?

00:17:36.580 | Because he's used her body for his own self-gratification, and her body doesn't belong to him.

00:17:43.180 | She's used his body for self-gratification.

00:17:46.180 | His body does not belong to her.

00:17:48.460 | It's not until you're married in a monogamous heterosexual relationship does each other's

00:17:54.700 | body belong to each other.

00:17:56.920 | So they're defrauding each other by doing this, by living in a sexual relationship prior

00:18:05.940 | to marriage.

00:18:07.460 | This is really key for their welfare.

00:18:09.920 | I mean, when you start doing that kind of thing, then how do you know, even after you're

00:18:16.220 | married, that your spouse is going to maintain discipline of that marriage?

00:18:21.660 | You don't know.

00:18:22.660 | They may go off and sleep with somebody else, because they're willing to do that prior to

00:18:26.900 | your marriage.

00:18:27.900 | They're willing to use you in the same way, and you are too.

00:18:31.540 | There's no integrity anymore to marriage.

00:18:33.740 | No, no, no.

00:18:35.660 | Boy, if anything, we may be old codgers, but we're trying to get people back to genuine

00:18:40.620 | integrity in relationships.

00:18:43.340 | And that's what the Bible teaches, and we're not going to stop proclaiming that.

00:18:48.340 | [Nic] I would say amen to that, by the way, and that definitely sounds very counter to

00:18:53.540 | the culture around us, and it should, because that reflects a biblical view of marriage.

00:18:58.900 | It's benefits minus commitment.

00:19:01.820 | And biblically speaking, marriage is built upon covenant and commitment, and this is

00:19:06.300 | critical in our age.

00:19:07.460 | And I hear, to be totally honest, I hear a lot of Christians work really hard to justify

00:19:12.180 | that practice, but they're unable to do that biblically.

00:19:15.540 | And we want to think biblically.

00:19:17.060 | If you're sitting and go, "Wow, we're really taking the Bible seriously here."

00:19:20.180 | Let me just add to that a giant head nod.

00:19:22.740 | Absolutely, in every realm, we're trying to.

00:19:25.460 | Now close to that, talking about the parents of maybe a young couple, unmarried, living

00:19:31.620 | together, coming to visit mom and dad on either side, what's mom and dad do as Christians

00:19:37.460 | when they want to come and stay in the same room?

00:19:39.380 | You guys on the same page with that question?

00:19:40.660 | You understand what I'm saying?

00:19:41.660 | Yeah.

00:19:42.660 | No, can't let that happen.

00:19:44.660 | I know you want to express love to them, but you're going to need to set up some kind of

00:19:47.620 | arrangement even if mom's got to sleep with the gal and dad's got to sleep with the guy.

00:19:53.140 | I don't care how that, you got to set up separate arrangements for that to happen, because you

00:19:58.500 | can't allow, let's assume at this particular point that you've got a young couple who's

00:20:03.300 | not committed to Christ, they're not interested in following Christ, but they want to come

00:20:06.940 | and stay at your house.

00:20:08.640 | You're not going to cave your principles for their ungodliness.

00:20:12.300 | You're not going to do that.

00:20:14.900 | You can express love to them in many other ways, but you're not going to do that.

00:20:18.720 | If they're going to do that outside of your home, you can have no control over that, then

00:20:23.660 | they're going to do that.

00:20:24.660 | And by the way, they will suffer the way the transgressor is hard.

00:20:28.940 | They will suffer for that down the line.

00:20:31.860 | Adversity will pursue sinners.

00:20:33.340 | Spurgeon used to say, "God releases the hounds of heaven and they start nipping at those

00:20:37.620 | people's hills."

00:20:39.520 | That's what happens.

00:20:41.060 | Difficulty awaits them in the future, but you're not going to let them defile your home.

00:20:48.500 | When I have people in counseling, and they come in, and they're really upset at each

00:20:51.980 | other, husband and wife relationship, and they start saying all kinds of wicked things,

00:20:57.260 | I say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop."

00:20:58.860 | And by the way, that's the greatest word in counseling, "Whoa," all right?

00:21:03.060 | It's the greatest word in counseling, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop,

00:21:06.740 | stop, stop, stop."

00:21:07.740 | I'm not going to let you sit here and sin all over my office, all right?

00:21:13.100 | This is my office.

00:21:14.100 | You're not going to sin all over my office.

00:21:15.540 | Well, you're not going to let this young couple come in and sin all over your home.

00:21:20.580 | Or let's say it's not even a young couple.

00:21:23.140 | Let's say it's your son, who's not following Christ, has a boyfriend that he claims is

00:21:30.700 | his boyfriend.

00:21:31.700 | You're not going to let them come in either and do that either.

00:21:36.620 | And have sex with each other in your home.

00:21:39.260 | You're not going to let them sin all over your home.

00:21:41.780 | That's not right.

00:21:42.780 | You can still find other ways to express love to them and care for them.

00:21:46.220 | All of that is really critical, but you're not going to cave to their ungodliness.

00:21:51.780 | We have too many Christians willing to do this, and the world doesn't take us serious

00:21:56.540 | anymore.

00:21:57.540 | They say, "You act no different than we do.

00:22:01.100 | You're no different.

00:22:02.460 | There's nothing qualitative or quantitatively different in your life than my life."

00:22:07.940 | And boy, that is not biblical Christianity at all.

00:22:12.540 | We've got to be radically different than the world, different in a Christ-like way.

00:22:22.460 | That's what we're talking about, different in a Christ-like way.

00:22:25.940 | All right, now someone really in the category of young couples not yet married, how do we

00:22:32.940 | help young men and women who are unmarried but who want to become married?

00:22:38.460 | Oh, boy.

00:22:40.980 | That's a great question.

00:22:41.980 | I have a son that's that way right now, so I'm trying to give him as much help as possible.

00:22:48.500 | All right, let's go to 1 Corinthians, or no, excuse me, 1 Thessalonians, chapter 4, and

00:23:08.780 | this is really critical, I think, in helping young men and young women.

00:23:15.820 | Verse 3 says, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that is, you abstain

00:23:21.500 | from sexual immorality," that's pretty straightforward, "that each one of you know how to control

00:23:30.740 | his own body," it says, "in holiness and honor."

00:23:36.680 | Now you see, if you have the English Standard Version, that is footnoted, and if you have

00:23:43.140 | the New American Standard Version, translation of the Bible, that's footnoted as well, and

00:23:48.860 | if you go to the footnote, it says down there how to take a wife for himself, or some say

00:23:58.060 | how to possess his own vessel.

00:24:01.100 | That's literally what the Greek says.

00:24:03.860 | The Greek says how to acquire your own vessel.

00:24:08.020 | The word "acquire" is a very deliberate business word, and it's never used in the sense of

00:24:14.940 | acquiring your own body.

00:24:20.060 | That would be the only time in the entire Greek language or the Bible where that particular

00:24:24.380 | word is used in controlling your body, and yet some translators do that.

00:24:29.680 | I just read that in the English translation, but it's a very deliberate business word to

00:24:35.420 | go out and acquire something, to get something, is the idea.

00:24:40.760 | Literally to acquire your own vessel, and the word "vessel" can refer to your body,

00:24:46.340 | but as in 1 Peter 3 and verse 7, the same word "vessel" refers to a wife.

00:24:57.600 | Now the most literal sense of this is this, now follow me here, "that each one of you

00:25:03.620 | know how to acquire his own wife in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like

00:25:12.820 | the Gentiles who do not know God."

00:25:15.420 | Now that makes a lot of sense to me, because you're picking a wife not on the basis of

00:25:21.020 | sex appeal, that's not the primary criteria by which Christians pick a wife.

00:25:27.860 | Christians pick a wife, or in this case, a wife picks a husband on the basis of holiness

00:25:37.700 | and honor.

00:25:39.320 | What is that?

00:25:40.320 | Well, it means simply this, that in your relationship together, after you have been together, are

00:25:46.180 | the two of you more holy?

00:25:50.820 | Or is your relationship together an honorable relationship?

00:25:55.740 | When people look at that relationship and say, "I want to emulate that," that is an

00:26:00.900 | honorable relationship, that's the criteria by which you pick a spouse, is in holiness

00:26:09.280 | and honor, not on the basis of sex appeal.

00:26:14.020 | Now, I'm not saying that you marry somebody you're not attracted to, and that's not what

00:26:17.980 | the Bible is saying.

00:26:19.460 | It's saying that sex appeal is not the primary criteria.

00:26:24.380 | The criteria is holiness and honor.

00:26:28.340 | This is sanctification.

00:26:29.340 | Then you go on and it says that no one transgress and wrong his brother.

00:26:34.700 | The brother in this case is the woman's father in this manner, because the Lord is an avenger

00:26:42.460 | in all these things, as we are told beforehand and solemnly warn you, for God has not called

00:26:48.100 | us for impurity, but to holiness.

00:26:50.660 | In other words, if you marry a woman, according to what Paul says, on the basis of sex appeal,

00:26:56.620 | you've defrauded her father, because you've pretended to marry her, to provide for her,

00:27:03.420 | to protect her, but you're really marrying her to use her, and that's defrauding him.

00:27:12.300 | That's defrauding him.

00:27:14.340 | You don't want to defraud her father.

00:27:16.860 | You don't want to do that.

00:27:17.860 | You want to marry those in holiness and in honor.

00:27:26.280 | What does your relationship mean, greater holiness for both of you?

00:27:31.900 | Does your relationship mean greater honor for both of you and honor especially for Christ?

00:27:38.880 | If that's true, that's the person to marry.

00:27:44.060 | Let me add a wrinkle to this that's not on the forum, that I think will be on maybe some

00:27:49.340 | people's minds.

00:27:50.900 | What role, and I know there's a lot of variance depending on the age of the grown children,

00:27:57.660 | what role do the godly parents play in encouraging the child through that process?

00:28:02.860 | Well, I think teaching them what Scripture says.

00:28:07.580 | That's important.

00:28:08.580 | That's the beginning.

00:28:09.580 | Teaching them how to make that decision in an honorable way, in a godly way.

00:28:15.820 | Let me say this, that parents have a wisdom, even if they're unbelievers, that sometimes

00:28:25.140 | younger people do not have, and I'm going to use my mother as an example of this.

00:28:29.600 | She just passed away a couple months ago.

00:28:31.560 | She lived with us, but many, many, many years ago when she was going to Baptist Bible Institute

00:28:40.240 | in Cleveland, Ohio, she ran into a young man there.

00:28:43.680 | They started dating regularly, and he became very interested in her, and so she took him

00:28:50.120 | home one weekend to meet my grandfather and my grandmother.

00:28:54.180 | My grandmother was a Christian.

00:28:55.720 | My grandfather was not.

00:28:56.720 | In fact, he was a professional photographer, and he was a horrible drunk.

00:29:01.280 | Later on, God saved him and took away all that alcohol, praise God.

00:29:05.400 | But at that particular time, my grandfather was not a godly man at all.

00:29:10.700 | After the weekend was over, the guy went back to the Bible Institute, and this guy was preparing

00:29:16.520 | to go into mission work, and my grandfather said to my mother, "I don't think you should

00:29:26.040 | be dating that guy."

00:29:28.880 | And she kind of wondered about that, asked her father a lot of questions, and was tempted

00:29:34.800 | to think, "Well, my father is not a Christian.

00:29:36.600 | He doesn't like Christians, so he doesn't like this guy.

00:29:39.840 | That's the idea."

00:29:41.160 | And that wasn't the issue at all.

00:29:42.520 | It's just he said, "There's something different about that guy."

00:29:46.280 | Nothing.

00:29:47.280 | Well, that was really hard for her.

00:29:48.700 | She struggled with that a little bit, but she said, "Okay.

00:29:50.440 | You know what?

00:29:51.440 | I'll honor my father."

00:29:52.440 | She went back, broke up with the guy.

00:29:55.480 | Six months later, that guy was dating another gal, was engaged to her, and they got married.

00:29:58.840 | A year later, they went off to the mission field.

00:30:02.560 | They were on the mission field for about two years, and the mission society had to bring

00:30:07.520 | them both home because he was beating his wife senseless.

00:30:11.720 | Now, my grandfather, as an ungodly man, picked up on that in that guy, all right?

00:30:20.000 | So there's a wisdom there that even ungodly people have.

00:30:23.880 | It's the wisdom of the world, but not all of it's always bad that's there.

00:30:28.840 | So paying close attention to what parents have to say is really a key thing.

00:30:34.640 | And by the way, not long after that, my mother met my father.

00:30:37.520 | That's why I'm here, okay?

00:30:41.560 | And my father ended up being a pastor and was a very faithful man for many, many years.

00:30:47.160 | He died in 1985, got really bad leukemia, but I think that parents need to give as much

00:30:56.080 | input as possible to their son or their daughter about who they're marrying and realize, and

00:31:07.120 | help them to realize that when they get married, they're not marrying somebody who's perfect.

00:31:11.520 | They're marrying somebody with lots of flaws, and usually in dating, you don't see them.

00:31:17.480 | They don't let you see them, all right?

00:31:23.000 | - There's a lot we could add to that.

00:31:26.000 | You know, a very common statement is, you know, someone would say, "This isn't the person

00:31:29.800 | that I dated."

00:31:31.800 | And the common response been said many times is, "No, the person you dated doesn't exist.

00:31:36.680 | The person you married is all there is.

00:31:38.560 | There's nothing else.

00:31:40.000 | There is no other thing."

00:31:41.000 | - That's right.

00:31:42.000 | That's right.

00:31:43.000 | - And so it's an important...

00:31:44.000 | There's a lot more I'd love to say about that, and maybe in another forum we can, but that's

00:31:47.080 | very helpful.

00:31:48.080 | Okay, next section.

00:31:49.280 | This one was also very popular, in-laws.

00:31:54.800 | - Otherwise known as outlaws.

00:31:57.560 | - Should couples, and I'm assuming married couples, should married couples live with

00:32:01.200 | their in-laws?

00:32:02.200 | - All right, first of all, there's no easy yes or no to that question because, for example,

00:32:14.280 | I just told you that my mother lived with us in her remaining years.

00:32:19.480 | She ended up remarrying after my father passed away, the wonderful godly man.

00:32:23.120 | He later on died of colon cancer.

00:32:25.960 | And then she lived with us for about five years.

00:32:29.600 | We had a separate mother-in-law's apartment that was a part of our house.

00:32:32.720 | Now we rented out the seminary guys.

00:32:34.200 | I've got a guy in there right now, he's going to get married in December, so he's in grandma's

00:32:38.640 | apartment there.

00:32:42.320 | So because I felt, as the oldest in the family, it was my responsibility to take care of my

00:32:46.520 | mom, and my wife was full agreement.

00:32:48.840 | In fact, my wife got along with my mom better than she got along with her mother, all right,

00:32:53.800 | which is really something.

00:32:54.920 | And they just got along famously together and worked together on so many things.

00:32:58.760 | My mother had polycystic kidneys and so taking her back and forth to kidney dialysis was

00:33:06.400 | a regular routine that my wife was used to.

00:33:09.640 | So there are times where living with your in-laws is a necessity to be of help to them,

00:33:14.560 | to minister to them, those kind of things.

00:33:17.760 | Generally, when that's not involved, it's not the best thing.

00:33:23.840 | Now, it's not wrong, it's not sinful, if your in-laws live with you, maybe it's financial

00:33:29.680 | necessity, those kind of things.

00:33:32.120 | Sometimes it makes it difficult.

00:33:33.880 | But oftentimes in counseling situations like that, it's not so much the living in that's

00:33:39.280 | the real problem, it's the way people treat one another.

00:33:44.720 | That's the issue.

00:33:45.720 | And if you have a mother-in-law or a father-in-law that doesn't treat you well, or kind of favors

00:33:53.200 | their son or daughter in situations like that, that's going to make life very hard.

00:34:01.320 | And a husband has got to see that.

00:34:05.700 | He's got to be able to step in there and side always with his wife, and the wife must always

00:34:10.640 | side with her husband because the Bible is very clear, we're supposed to leave and cleave.

00:34:21.280 | The husband's not going to side with his parents, the wife's not going to side with her parents,

00:34:25.640 | no, no, they're going to side with each other.

00:34:28.780 | And there's going to be an absolute unified front presented before mom and dad.

00:34:33.800 | That's what has to happen.

00:34:35.400 | Otherwise, I know that there are some, and I know different cultures have this problem,

00:34:41.280 | there's a lot of matriarchal type of relationships that go where grandma intends to be the queen

00:34:47.560 | of the castle type of thing, and that becomes a serious problem.

00:34:51.400 | She's not.

00:34:52.400 | The wife is.

00:34:54.280 | Grandma's not.

00:34:55.280 | She may be living there, but she's not the queen of the castle.

00:34:58.800 | That violates biblical standards.

00:35:00.640 | That may be cultural, but it's not biblical.

00:35:04.360 | And my mother was not the queen of the castle in our home.

00:35:08.320 | My wife was, and my mother knew it, and my mother was happy with that.

00:35:13.760 | My wife came before my mother, okay?

00:35:19.240 | That's really important, and everybody in the home knew that.

00:35:21.440 | If you were to ask any of them and interview them, they'd tell you that in a heartbeat.

00:35:27.040 | But if you have a situation where that's not true, and you've got a husband that's siding

00:35:32.760 | with his mother, or a wife siding with her mother or her father, now you've got problems.

00:35:39.400 | Because they're not following exactly what we saw in Genesis 2:24, they're not leaving

00:35:43.280 | and cleaving.

00:35:44.280 | Instead, they're still holding on, and that's got to change.

00:35:49.800 | Amen.

00:35:50.800 | That's a big category.

00:35:53.160 | I think you actually hit the second question with that first answer, so that works out

00:35:58.160 | pretty well.

00:35:59.160 | Next category, women and careers.

00:36:02.960 | First one here, how do I make my husband a priority when I have a career in the sense

00:36:09.080 | of juggling that with children and everything?

00:36:12.000 | Yeah.

00:36:13.000 | It's not wrong for a woman to have a career.

00:36:15.320 | Obviously, the Proverbs 31 woman was busy outside of her home and had her own businesses.

00:36:20.800 | That's pretty obvious, not wrong.

00:36:23.680 | However, it is wrong for a woman to make her career over dictate what goes on in terms

00:36:31.680 | of the home, what goes on in terms of her husband or her children.

00:36:35.560 | If her career is more important than her husband, and this shows up in the fine details of life,

00:36:41.120 | more important than her children, then she's got a major problem going on.

00:36:45.800 | Or if her career is somehow dictating what goes on, where they live, what's really happening,

00:36:51.920 | no.

00:36:52.920 | In fact, and I know some husbands want their wives to work because usually in counseling,

00:36:59.640 | I'm able to lay out their finances and show the only reason he wants her to work is because

00:37:03.840 | she buys all of his toys, all right?

00:37:07.240 | She's the one with her salary that buys his boat and his vacation condo and his stereo

00:37:16.160 | equipment and his sports car, and no, instead of him providing for her, she's the one that's

00:37:27.420 | really providing for him.

00:37:28.720 | So the shoe's on the other foot.

00:37:29.960 | That's not the way it should be.

00:37:32.320 | 1 Timothy chapter 5 is very clear.

00:37:34.480 | When a man does not provide for his own household, he is worse than an unbeliever.

00:37:42.400 | Now I can't imagine what is worse than an unbeliever, but it's that guy.

00:37:50.520 | God created a man to provide for his own house.

00:37:52.800 | You say, "Well, we'll have a lot less money if my wife doesn't work."

00:37:55.720 | Well, so what?

00:37:58.480 | Maybe you'll have a happier home.

00:38:03.680 | So this is really such a key thing that she was created, as we saw a little bit earlier,

00:38:13.040 | to be his helpmate.

00:38:15.720 | He was not created to be her helpmate.

00:38:19.360 | That was not the way creation was designed.

00:38:22.320 | He has got to take leadership in this, and he's got to stop being lazy and pick up the

00:38:28.200 | mantle and make enough money for both of them to subsist on, along with the kids.

00:38:32.960 | That's what he's got to do.

00:38:35.560 | So this is very important.

00:38:38.400 | I know, again, this is counter-cultural.

00:38:41.960 | I know that.

00:38:42.960 | I know.

00:38:43.960 | I know.

00:38:44.960 | You can pull out your guns and shoot me now.

00:38:48.000 | But the Bible's very clear on this.

00:38:50.600 | This is not…Titus 3 talks about women should be busy at home, busy at home.

00:39:12.880 | This is such a key thing.

00:39:15.280 | And that's it.

00:39:16.280 | Now, the Bible's not saying if you work outside their home, it's wrong.

00:39:20.400 | It's not saying that.

00:39:22.640 | But that her primary responsibility is her husband, is those children, is that home,

00:39:29.160 | that is her primary.

00:39:30.260 | Her career is not her primary responsibility.

00:39:34.920 | That's such a key thing.

00:39:36.920 | Now, as that works out, I want you to hear something, too, husbands, as you're listening

00:39:42.420 | to that.

00:39:43.680 | So the husband that comes home, and the Lord's been teaching me this, and I've been learning

00:39:47.520 | and trying to grow in this over the years.

00:39:48.800 | If you come home, and your wife's been at work all day long, and there's kids in the

00:39:52.040 | home, or maybe if there's not kids, there's just priorities and things that have to be

00:39:54.920 | done in the home.

00:39:56.000 | If you come home, even after the longest day you've ever had, sit down, get in your chair

00:40:01.520 | and say, "Man, I have had the worst day.

00:40:04.400 | I'm just going to do nothing.

00:40:06.440 | I need you to do everything."

00:40:08.520 | That's not going to…

00:40:09.520 | Not only it's not going to go over well, you're also putting her in a position of temptation.

00:40:15.240 | You're tempting her to choke you when you sleep first, but you're tempting her to sin,

00:40:22.040 | because you're failing to meet your responsibilities.

00:40:23.920 | [Steve Myers] Of being a doulos and a diakonos, that's right.

00:40:26.240 | [Darris McNeely] To be a servant in the home.

00:40:28.120 | So someone has said, many times have been said, that your job does not end when you

00:40:32.800 | leave work and come home.

00:40:35.560 | You still have work to do.

00:40:36.560 | If there's kids in the home, then your work ends when the kids go to bed, and when you

00:40:41.240 | have taken care of anything that needs to be taken care of in support of your wife.

00:40:45.160 | So I don't want you to hear this on a one-sided way and walk away, "Oh, man, so I'm a woman,

00:40:49.520 | I have a job, and now I've got to do everything in the house too, and take care of the kids

00:40:53.320 | too."

00:40:54.320 | No, no, there still is a level of a partnership here, and the husband has to respect that,

00:40:59.960 | and that has to be central in his mind and his thinking.

00:41:04.520 | So closely related to this, very closely, can I have a calling at work as a woman?

00:41:14.020 | And we think that this question has the idea of, in the sense that God's maybe called me,

00:41:18.760 | and in my case, I'm a little different, God's called me to a special thing that would maybe

00:41:22.840 | supersede these other responsibilities.

00:41:24.800 | [Steve Myers] Yeah, if that's what is meant, just the way that Pastor Mark here has just

00:41:30.040 | described it, then the answer is no.

00:41:33.940 | There is no special calling that's talked about in Scripture in regards to that.

00:41:38.400 | There is a calling in relationship to full-time Christian ministry or work in that sense,

00:41:45.780 | but she may have a career and be well-accomplished in a career.

00:41:51.300 | We just had a gal go through our MABC program who has, she had two master's degrees and

00:42:02.740 | a PhD in psychology and actually taught psychology to med students at UCLA, and she and her husband

00:42:12.420 | got into serious marital problems.

00:42:14.260 | She got counseling from one of the guys that, she and her husband got counseling from one

00:42:18.820 | of the guys that graduated from our program.

00:42:21.740 | Here's a gal with a master's in marriage and family and another master's degree and a PhD

00:42:30.300 | and having massive problems at home, and she had this all messed up, and the counselor

00:42:37.100 | was able to help him iron these things out, get these things, and she finally said, "Where

00:42:42.940 | did you get this stuff?"

00:42:43.940 | He says, "Well, I got it from the Bible."

00:42:46.460 | "No, no, no.

00:42:47.460 | Where were you trained to do this?"

00:42:48.460 | She said, "Well, master's university."

00:42:50.020 | "Do you suppose they let me go through that program?"

00:42:53.740 | Well, she has now gone through the program.

00:42:57.260 | She's going to be graduating this next year.

00:42:59.860 | This is her third master's degree.

00:43:01.500 | She's got more degrees than a thermometer, all right, her third master's degree.

00:43:08.460 | But she is, she's a very sweet gal, but she realized that all of her priorities were all

00:43:14.140 | messed up.

00:43:15.140 | That's the reason why she was struggling so much with depression.

00:43:16.780 | That's the reason why things were falling apart at home.

00:43:19.260 | That's the reason why things were messed up in her marriage.

00:43:21.900 | All of those things were, all of our priorities were really askew.

00:43:24.600 | When she finally got her priorities straight biblically, joy came back to her life.

00:43:32.060 | And if you meet her husband, he's one of the happiest guys on the planet.

00:43:36.180 | Wow, he's got a completely different wife now.

00:43:40.980 | And here she's got all these degrees and stuff.

00:43:44.500 | But she had to get those things straightened out in her life, come into line biblically.

00:43:49.660 | That's what had to happen.

00:43:53.640 | That's such a key thing.

00:43:56.500 | Can they have a calling in the way that a pastor has a calling?

00:43:58.600 | I don't think so.

00:44:00.020 | I don't think that that's a biblical concept.

00:44:02.220 | It's kind of a mystical thing.

00:44:06.300 | But can they have a career that they're well-trained in?

00:44:10.080 | Sure, absolutely.

00:44:11.520 | That's really true.

00:44:12.520 | And sometimes they can use their career in a good and godly way.

00:44:15.840 | Sometimes they use their career in Christian service.

00:44:17.920 | Sometimes they use their career to benefit their home and their family, but their home

00:44:23.200 | and their husband always comes first.

00:44:26.240 | That's always the priority.

00:44:28.480 | That's what has to be there.

00:44:29.480 | All right, just two more questions, two more categories, and we'll wrap up.

00:44:35.160 | Christians and non-Christians in marriage together.

00:44:37.240 | So one Christian married to a non-Christian.

00:44:40.880 | This question is kind of simple.

00:44:42.360 | Actually, it's bringing together a few questions.

00:44:44.960 | What are some basic principles that apply in this case?

00:44:49.800 | If you have that type of situation going on in your life, one of the things that you need

00:44:53.600 | to do, you've got to be intimately familiar with 1 Peter.

00:44:57.840 | I talked about that and hinted at this earlier.

00:45:00.840 | If you're a woman married to an unbelieving husband, then 1 Peter 3, 1 through 6 becomes

00:45:05.200 | your marching orders.

00:45:06.200 | But you're not going to fully understand what's going on there until you understand the surrounding

00:45:10.200 | context of what's being said there.

00:45:12.860 | So you've got to understand that.

00:45:13.880 | If you're a Christian husband married to an unbelieving wife, then you've got to understand

00:45:17.360 | 1 Peter 3, 7, and you've got to live that out on a daily basis, every single day in

00:45:24.040 | your life.

00:45:25.040 | You've got to understand, flush that all out every day.

00:45:28.600 | Now there are some general principles.

00:45:30.200 | If you want to grab your Bible just for a moment, right after Peter talks about that

00:45:35.720 | 1 Peter 3, he talks about, he kind of sums up things there in verse 8.

00:45:47.640 | He says finally, all of you, that is, he's talking to all the Christians, have unity

00:45:55.040 | of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, tenderhearted, humble mind, do not repay evil for evil.

00:46:04.360 | This is verse 8 and 9 here.

00:46:06.920 | Or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you are called that you

00:46:13.760 | may obtain a blessing.

00:46:16.280 | Now if you use this to sum up everything he said to unbelievers, this goes back into chapter

00:46:21.080 | 10 where he's talking about Christian slaves who are at the mercy of masters who are unbelievers

00:46:33.160 | and they're harsh and ungodly, and then Christian wives married to harsh ungodly husbands, Christian

00:46:42.280 | husbands married to harsh ungodly wives, then the things they need to focus on is this unity

00:46:49.240 | of mind with other Christians, sympathy, brotherly love, tenderhearted, humble mind, not repaying

00:46:54.240 | evil for evil, reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you are

00:47:01.120 | called that you may obtain a blessing.

00:47:03.920 | Now he says this, and then he says in verse 10, "For whoever desires to love life and

00:47:11.200 | see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil."

00:47:14.920 | It's easy when you're living close to an unbelieving spouse to give in to the evil and to say wicked

00:47:21.200 | things and his lips from speaking deceit.

00:47:24.120 | Verse 11, "Let him turn away from evil and do good.

00:47:26.880 | Let him seek peace and pursue it, for the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and

00:47:30.480 | his ears are open to their prayer, for the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

00:47:36.280 | So we have to concentrate on doing good.

00:47:38.120 | Then he says in verse 13, here's a general principle, "Now, who is there to harm you

00:47:43.740 | if you are as zealous for what is good?"

00:47:46.000 | And that's a great principle.

00:47:47.720 | And that's a general principle that works predominantly throughout most of life.

00:47:52.800 | If you do good to people, generally they're going to do good back to you.

00:47:56.640 | If you have an unbelieving spouse and you do good to them, generally they're going to

00:48:00.520 | do good back to you.

00:48:02.880 | Generally that's going to happen, all right?

00:48:05.400 | But then there's exceptions to the rule.

00:48:08.100 | But verse 14, here's the exception, "But if you should suffer for righteousness," in other

00:48:15.040 | words, you're doing good and you're still suffering, "for righteousness' sake, you will

00:48:19.400 | be blessed.

00:48:20.400 | Have no fear of them, nor be troubled."

00:48:22.320 | In other words, God ingratiates himself to a person who's suffering for righteousness'

00:48:28.880 | sakes.

00:48:29.880 | Verse 15, "But in your hearts, honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to

00:48:35.680 | make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you, yet

00:48:39.920 | to do it with gentleness and respect."

00:48:43.280 | In other words, if you continue to live out righteousness in front of an ungodly spouse,

00:48:48.480 | eventually they're going to say to you, "How are you able to do that?

00:48:57.120 | How come you keep doing it?

00:48:58.120 | I keep doing all these things to you and you just respond so godly.

00:49:04.080 | How do you do that?"

00:49:06.040 | Then you need to be ready, he says, to give an answer.

00:49:09.520 | And you need to say, "You know what?

00:49:11.700 | It is not me.

00:49:13.760 | It is Christ working through me.

00:49:16.280 | It is Jesus Christ.

00:49:18.080 | He paid my entire debt of sin.

00:49:21.480 | I owe him my life.

00:49:24.580 | What I go through and what you do to me, it counts as nothing compared to the suffering

00:49:29.760 | that Christ went through when he died for my sin, and that's why I do what I do."

00:49:36.280 | Always be ready to give an account to him who asks you about the faith within you.

00:49:43.240 | Always be ready to do that.

00:49:45.560 | You become God's missionary to that ungodly husband, that ungodly wife.

00:49:52.360 | You are God's appointed missionary to them.

00:49:56.180 | No one else can be a better missionary than you can because you know them inside and out.

00:50:04.000 | You have to live out righteousness, godliness, not give in to your temper or your anger or

00:50:10.160 | your hate, remembering that Jesus Christ died for those sins, and you are going to live

00:50:17.360 | out Christ all you can in front of them.

00:50:20.680 | Well, I hope that was a really detailed and hopefully helpful answer to those of you that

00:50:27.840 | are in that situation.

00:50:29.960 | Of course, as Christians, we wouldn't knowingly enter into a marriage relationship that way,

00:50:34.360 | right?

00:50:35.360 | As a pastor, I've seen many times, I'm sure Dr. Street has seen this as well, I've seen

00:50:39.520 | it in circumstances where a person really wanted to marry someone else, all of a sudden

00:50:45.240 | their understanding, biblical standard for what a Christian is, begins to change and

00:50:50.120 | it becomes exactly what this potential spouse is.

00:50:56.320 | And then something happens after they finally get their catch and they get married.

00:51:01.000 | That person is revealed for who they are.

00:51:02.800 | They never were a Christian.

00:51:03.840 | They have no interest in Christ.

00:51:04.840 | They had an interest in a person who had interest in Christ.

00:51:07.920 | And so they were as interested in Christ as they needed to be to mirror the interest of

00:51:12.520 | that person.

00:51:14.200 | And I'll tell you, I have seen more and more marriages, I'm sure you could speak to this

00:51:17.640 | as well, that have suffered because they took the wrong first step, didn't apply these principles,

00:51:26.920 | and now we're in this spot.

00:51:28.160 | So if you're there, there's hope for you and there's some clear guidance here.

00:51:32.280 | But we would love to encourage you, if you're a young adult here, not yet married, or if

00:51:35.120 | you're someone who's now pursuing marriage, I would really, really, really challenge you

00:51:39.520 | and encourage you to get good biblical counseling, premarital counseling, which we offer here,

00:51:46.240 | but to really, really carefully consider this particular aspect of what would be your marriage

00:51:53.320 | as long as you're alive on this earth.

00:51:54.800 | I'm going to speak one last thing to that before we close or not.

00:51:57.240 | Would you like to?

00:51:58.400 | Sure.

00:51:59.400 | Fire away.

00:52:00.400 | Oh, I thought you were going to ask the last question, that's what you meant by that.

00:52:03.400 | Well, no.

00:52:04.400 | I just want to speak to that.

00:52:05.400 | We answered that question.

00:52:06.400 | Yeah, we did.

00:52:07.400 | You nailed that in the last one.

00:52:08.400 | Okay, good.

00:52:09.400 | Good.

00:52:10.400 | So any concluding parting words then before we go?

00:52:17.480 | I hope as a result of this particular weekend, you have a higher view of marriage than you

00:52:23.080 | did when you came in.

00:52:26.960 | I know, and I have counseled so many people, even people who have been divorced going into

00:52:31.360 | their second marriage, they always think that they have a high view of marriage, but when

00:52:35.880 | we get done with taking a look what the Bible has to say about it, all of a sudden they're

00:52:40.000 | overwhelmed by, "Oh my goodness, this is a much higher view than I ever thought marriage

00:52:46.200 | to be.

00:52:47.200 | It is an incredibly honorable institution, but we treat it so dishonorably."

00:52:54.400 | And like I said at the very beginning, marriage is not in trouble.

00:52:59.080 | Marriage is just fine, the way God designed it.

00:53:01.800 | It's just exactly the way God intended it to be.

00:53:04.800 | It's the people who are in marriage that's in trouble.

00:53:09.280 | That's the problem.

00:53:10.280 | The institution's fine.

00:53:12.480 | The culture wants to destroy it, they'll never destroy it, because God created it.

00:53:17.320 | You can't destroy something God created.

00:53:19.280 | They can't.

00:53:20.280 | They'll try to redefine it, they can't.

00:53:23.840 | It's going to go on until the end of time.

00:53:27.800 | But it is a very honorable institution, and I hope that this encourages you to treat it

00:53:36.280 | that way.

00:53:37.280 | So gentlemen, you're going to impress your wives with three things you've got to remember

00:53:41.080 | in order to be a godly husband.

00:53:43.560 | So in order to be a godly husband, number one, gentlemen?

00:53:48.000 | Yes.

00:53:49.000 | Uh-huh.

00:53:50.000 | Amen.

00:53:51.000 | I'm going to have a charismatic revival right here.

00:53:54.640 | That sounds so good, all right.

00:53:59.640 | All right, ladies, you're going to put a smile on your husband's face by the three things

00:54:06.320 | you've got to remember in order to be a godly wife.

00:54:08.800 | Are you ready?

00:54:09.800 | They all start with S, remember.

00:54:10.800 | Uh-huh.

00:54:16.840 | There we go.

00:54:17.840 | Submission, suitable helper, and selflessly reverent, very good.

00:54:22.400 | First of all, every one of you, looking this way, four things you've got to remember in

00:54:26.240 | terms of godly communication in the home, Ephesians chapter 4, verses 25 through 32.

00:54:33.160 | Number one, be?

00:54:34.600 | Keep.

00:54:35.600 | Attack.

00:54:36.600 | Act.

00:54:37.600 | Oh my goodness, God's going to do some great things here, pastor.

00:54:46.040 | Why don't you show your appreciation one last time for Dr. Street?

00:54:48.960 | (audience applauding)

Session 6 - Q&A With Dr. John Street

Chapters