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Break_Free_From_Sad_Statisticsv3


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00:00:00.000 | This Financial Samurai podcast episode is proudly sponsored by Danielson Legal, a boutique
00:00:05.960 | law firm helping technology companies with their intellectual property, corporate matters,
00:00:11.840 | technology law transactions, and litigation since 2008.
00:00:15.920 | Hello, everybody.
00:00:18.280 | It's Sam and Sidney from the Financial Samurai podcast.
00:00:28.080 | In this episode, I want to talk about the sad fact that 80% to 90% of the time we spend
00:00:34.400 | with our children is over by the time they turn 19, and especially it's over if they
00:00:40.440 | plan to go to college because they end up going to college, finding a job in a different
00:00:45.600 | city and living their lives.
00:00:48.640 | To me, that sounds really, really sad, which is why in my newsletter, I talked about relocating
00:00:55.520 | to where they are because if at least if we're in the same time zone, the excuses of not
00:01:02.560 | visiting each other go down.
00:01:05.340 | Right now, my parents are visiting from Hawaii and my sister and niece are visiting from
00:01:10.420 | New York City and those are far away places, five to five and a half hour flights one way.
00:01:16.840 | Therefore, it's hard to see each other.
00:01:18.920 | It really takes so much effort.
00:01:22.200 | So the idea of relocating to at least the same time zone, if not the same city, if not
00:01:29.160 | on the same street, if not in the same building, sounds like a good idea to me.
00:01:35.780 | But I'm wondering for you, Sidney, is this something that sounds crazy and absurd to
00:01:40.520 | you as one newsletter reader mentioned?
00:01:43.240 | I don't think it sounds absurd.
00:01:44.720 | I think a lot depends on a parent's relationship with their child where both sides end up relocating
00:01:54.000 | to and if the parents have health issues at the time, there's so many different variables,
00:02:00.360 | but I don't think it's absurd.
00:02:02.400 | I don't think it's absurd at all.
00:02:04.040 | I think just like if you have a jar of cookies in front of you, you're going to end up eating
00:02:09.080 | more of them.
00:02:10.560 | If you have a jar not in your house, you're not going to eat any cookies.
00:02:13.600 | You're going to eat fewer cookies.
00:02:15.520 | So the idea of being closer to where our kids are as adults, maybe, is that creepy in America
00:02:23.000 | or is that kind of like, hey, you just want to be close to the people you care about the
00:02:27.640 | most?
00:02:28.640 | I think it depends on each family unit as well.
00:02:31.400 | I grew up in a small suburb in Virginia and when I went off to college, a lot of my classmates
00:02:40.600 | went to college in our town and when they graduated, they ended up finding jobs in the
00:02:45.640 | same town.
00:02:46.640 | So they ended up living their adult lives in the same place where they grew up and that
00:02:52.360 | was something that they were fine with or that's the path that they chose to take and
00:02:57.400 | that's great.
00:02:58.600 | It wasn't the path that I wanted to take.
00:03:00.960 | I wanted to go on the complete opposite side of the country.
00:03:03.600 | I followed you.
00:03:05.640 | We grew roots in California and it's been great, but the relationship that I have with
00:03:11.760 | my parents is different than everybody else's and for us, it's worked out okay, but I think
00:03:18.980 | as parents, right now, we're really close with our children and we do have a dream of
00:03:24.160 | being closer to them when they're adults.
00:03:27.320 | So every generation is different.
00:03:29.000 | Every family is different.
00:03:30.240 | I totally agree with that, but don't you think our relationships with our adult children
00:03:35.760 | will be closer if we actually see them more?
00:03:38.560 | Oh, of course.
00:03:40.080 | And so is it kind of a chicken or the egg?
00:03:42.360 | I don't really think so.
00:03:43.360 | I think it's – if you want to not have that statistic regarding 80 to 90 percent of the
00:03:48.160 | time you spend with your children is over by the time they turn 19, then you've got
00:03:52.120 | to make an effort.
00:03:53.120 | You've got to be intentional just like if you want to achieve financial freedom sooner,
00:03:57.560 | then you've got to be intentional in trying to save more aggressively, work harder, have
00:04:02.640 | side jobs, read personal finance literature to figure it out.
00:04:07.040 | You can't just wing it on your way to financial independence or multimillionaire status because
00:04:12.560 | nothing is really given to you.
00:04:13.920 | I think one other perspective perhaps is when your children are going to college and graduating
00:04:20.480 | and finding work, maybe following them to their first job is maybe not the best timing.
00:04:27.480 | I think some parents may want their children to be a little more independent in the beginning
00:04:34.160 | initially so they don't have their parents too close to rely on.
00:04:39.040 | For example, they can't go to mom and dad on the weekend and say, "Hey, come on, mommy.
00:04:42.960 | Can you do my laundry?"
00:04:45.120 | Or mom, can you cook me food or whatever.
00:04:47.720 | If there's a little bit more of a distance initially, then your adult kids can –
00:04:51.840 | Gain more independence.
00:04:52.840 | Gain more independence, get used to paying their own rent, going to the grocery store,
00:04:57.800 | filling up their car with gas, yada, yada, yada.
00:05:00.880 | Adulting.
00:05:01.880 | Yeah, doing the adulting and then moving closer after you feel, "OK, I'm confident our
00:05:08.000 | kids are not going to be coming back and moving back in at home."
00:05:11.680 | Right.
00:05:12.680 | Yeah, letting them go, seeing if they fly.
00:05:15.600 | They might fall but they'll get back up and they'll try again.
00:05:19.760 | I know some people will be like, "Well, you guys sound – well, maybe I sound like
00:05:23.720 | a helicopter parent where you're just always hovering, watching their every move."
00:05:30.120 | To an external extent, that's true.
00:05:32.880 | But if we – let's say they go to New York City.
00:05:35.640 | I love New York City for six months of the year.
00:05:38.640 | How sweet would it be to rent a condo or maybe buy a great place in New York City and live
00:05:44.400 | there?
00:05:45.400 | Let's say we're on the Upper West Side and they're working downtown.
00:05:47.760 | It's like a 25-minute subway away.
00:05:50.880 | We don't have to see them but it would be nice to have the option to see them just like
00:05:56.120 | it would be nice for them to have the option to see us.
00:05:59.120 | Yeah, optionality is always great, isn't it?
00:06:01.480 | Yeah, what's wrong with optionality?
00:06:03.480 | So when the reader said I was being absurd for thinking about moving closer to my children,
00:06:10.400 | I actually think it's absurd to only spend 10% of the time remaining for the rest of
00:06:17.760 | our lives.
00:06:18.760 | That seems absurd to me.
00:06:21.120 | Another interesting thing that reader brought up was, "Well, what are we going to do if
00:06:25.080 | one child goes to New York City and one child goes to Hawaii?"
00:06:28.720 | I was thinking to myself, "That would be amazing.
00:06:31.160 | These are two of the favorite places in the world or at least in America, Hawaii during
00:06:36.680 | the winters, New York City during the spring and summer.
00:06:41.360 | What a life and what an opportunity to maybe invest in real estate and diversify the real
00:06:46.400 | estate portfolio as well and make these business expenses as well.
00:06:50.720 | Why not?
00:06:51.960 | See readers in New York City, maybe host a meetup at a bookstore, do a talk, go to a
00:06:57.120 | conference and then go to Hawaii and have another meetup and work on my tan and do some
00:07:03.000 | serving.
00:07:04.000 | I mean, what an adventure.
00:07:05.700 | When we're retired, and it's not just us, I think most people who are retired have more
00:07:10.880 | flexibility to relocate.
00:07:13.640 | Right, or just go on more longer trips.
00:07:19.000 | For example, one of my friends, her parents are coming to visit for an entire month.
00:07:24.560 | Maybe we don't end up living in the same zip code as our kids, but we could spend long
00:07:32.160 | trips nearby.
00:07:33.160 | A season.
00:07:34.160 | A season in Hawaii, a season in New York City, a season in San Francisco, a season in Amsterdam,
00:07:42.360 | a season in Paris.
00:07:43.920 | Amazing.
00:07:44.920 | I mean, these are the things I guess not everybody can do if you don't have the money.
00:07:50.560 | But hopefully, if you are able to save and invest aggressively for a long time, you will
00:07:56.280 | be able to generate some passive income and accumulate a high enough net worth and generate
00:08:01.720 | enough social security and other retirement income so you have more freedom.
00:08:05.640 | That's the whole point of financial independence.
00:08:09.420 | So based on the reader feedback, I am wondering if there is some type of mental block that
00:08:15.760 | some people just have where they cannot see beyond societal norms.
00:08:21.320 | They cannot draw beyond the lines.
00:08:24.680 | Do you believe people just have a harder time looking outside of societal norms?
00:08:29.960 | Some people for sure.
00:08:31.760 | And why do you think that is?
00:08:33.040 | Is it genetics, nature, parental upbringing?
00:08:37.520 | What's going on here where people can't try to do something more unique or think more
00:08:43.640 | creatively?
00:08:44.640 | I think it's all of those things and more.
00:08:46.280 | We each grow up in a different environment.
00:08:48.960 | We have different thought processes.
00:08:51.080 | We have different education, different cultures, different mindsets.
00:08:56.960 | Even within one family unit, you have so many different personalities, right?
00:09:00.920 | And we're all different people.
00:09:02.960 | We each have our own little realities and our own bubbles.
00:09:06.960 | Right.
00:09:07.960 | I hope the financial samurai story and other people's stories help motivate people to think
00:09:14.000 | a little bit differently.
00:09:15.520 | I was never really that creative of a person growing up.
00:09:19.340 | But over time, I thought to myself, "Why not try this way?
00:09:23.040 | Why not do this?
00:09:24.360 | Keep on ideating, trying new things."
00:09:28.000 | Even if you fail, it's like, "Okay, who can come up with the most number of failures?"
00:09:32.280 | Because that just means you're that much closer to a solution.
00:09:36.200 | The classic example I've given over and over again is regarding negotiating a severance.
00:09:41.400 | To me, quitting a job after you've dedicated years of your life to an organization is nonsensical
00:09:47.600 | to me.
00:09:48.600 | Because if you quit, you don't get a severance package, you don't get subsidized healthcare,
00:09:52.640 | you don't get these referrals.
00:09:55.400 | It's a suboptimal financial move.
00:09:57.740 | But whether it's due to ignorance or fear of confrontation, people don't try to negotiate
00:10:02.840 | a severance.
00:10:03.840 | I've been speaking about this message since 2012 and I'll keep on speaking about this
00:10:08.080 | message to encourage people to fight for their rights as employees.
00:10:15.080 | Because you will see if you work long enough that eventually, you're going to not get promoted.
00:10:20.580 | You're going to get discarded, you're going to get laid off.
00:10:23.120 | And you realize, "Wait a minute, maybe I'm just a number.
00:10:26.560 | I'll just get let go over text message, Slack, or email."
00:10:30.400 | That doesn't feel great and I want people to own their destiny to plan ahead and take
00:10:36.440 | action.
00:10:37.440 | So, Cindy, I know you have a more conservative personality, less risk-taking personality.
00:10:43.960 | But I want to ask you, what are some "absurd things" that you thought about as a child
00:10:49.560 | or as a young adult that ended up coming true?
00:10:54.160 | Nothing super crazy comes to the top of my mind.
00:10:57.400 | But one thing I could say is, I took my first trip out to San Francisco when I was middle
00:11:04.480 | school, early high school, sometime around then.
00:11:07.320 | And I fell in love with the city.
00:11:08.760 | I'd never seen anything like it before.
00:11:11.840 | And I grew up in a very non-diverse suburb that was completely landlocked.
00:11:18.720 | And when I came out here, I was just amazed by the diversity of the people, the variety
00:11:25.560 | of things to do in the city, and that it was in the middle of the bay with the ocean so
00:11:31.040 | close.
00:11:32.040 | And I thought, "Wow, how incredible would it be to be able to live and work in a city
00:11:37.080 | like this and see the ocean every day?"
00:11:40.120 | And I kind of put it out of my mind and went to college, time went by, and then was really
00:11:47.480 | lucky that we already knew each other and that you had moved out here.
00:11:51.120 | And I thought, "Why can't I move out to San Francisco?"
00:11:53.600 | I didn't even hesitate.
00:11:55.280 | I knew I wanted to come out here.
00:11:56.800 | I told my parents, "I'm going to be moving to San Francisco."
00:12:00.000 | And luckily, they didn't object at all.
00:12:02.560 | And I packed my bags, got on an airplane, had my one-way ticket, and I never looked
00:12:07.800 | back.
00:12:09.040 | And it was a dream that I never really expected to come to fruition, but it did.
00:12:14.600 | And weren't you worried about the money at all?
00:12:17.140 | How were you going to pay the bills?
00:12:18.560 | How was I going to pay the bills?
00:12:19.840 | Well, I was already looking into job opportunities before I came out here.
00:12:24.320 | I had money saved up.
00:12:25.920 | I wasn't the type that was wasting my money on unnecessary things, so I had enough to
00:12:31.200 | get started.
00:12:32.560 | And I found a job within a month, I think, or maybe even less of when I moved out here.
00:12:37.840 | And then the rest is history.
00:12:40.040 | No, that's great.
00:12:42.320 | Manifesting what you want.
00:12:44.360 | You never know.
00:12:45.360 | Sometimes things could come true.
00:12:46.760 | What's wrong with thinking in extremes, having stretch goals, absurd dreams?
00:12:52.860 | Why not?
00:12:54.300 | Thinking is free.
00:12:55.300 | I remember when I was 23, I was thinking to myself, "Gosh, I hope I can get out of here
00:13:00.340 | by age 40, retire by 40, and just do my own thing because this Wall Street job is killing
00:13:06.340 | me."
00:13:07.340 | So 17, 18 years in the business, all right, that's enough.
00:13:11.260 | But because I had this goal at a very young age, I was able to get out at 34 because I
00:13:17.380 | figured out the way out with the severance package.
00:13:20.180 | It was the number one catalyst to get me out of there.
00:13:23.140 | And so the more intentional you are about thinking about things that might not be normal,
00:13:29.740 | I think the greater your chance of you achieving that one thing.
00:13:34.380 | And I will add to that also having a supportive partner or supportive family.
00:13:40.460 | We're lucky that we have a great friendship and that we share a lot of the same values,
00:13:45.620 | right?
00:13:46.620 | And I've been supportive of your idea since the beginning of changing your career path
00:13:52.700 | and becoming independent.
00:13:54.140 | And you obviously supported me in countless ways, right?
00:13:57.420 | I came out here because you were here.
00:14:00.180 | If I didn't know you, it's much, much less likely that I would have had the courage to
00:14:05.820 | fly all the way out here and start a life on my own.
00:14:10.140 | I was able to do that because you gave me the foundation.
00:14:14.020 | You were my support network.
00:14:15.660 | We worked it out together.
00:14:16.660 | Right.
00:14:17.660 | So having a partner makes a huge difference.
00:14:19.980 | Yeah.
00:14:20.980 | When I left at 34, I told Sydney, "If things work out for three years, you too can leave
00:14:26.240 | at 34."
00:14:27.240 | Well, I left two months before my 35th birthday, so by 35, and we'll go on this journey together.
00:14:32.720 | So you stayed at the steady job.
00:14:34.740 | You provided subsidized healthcare.
00:14:37.260 | At that time, your employer was providing 100% subsidized healthcare, remember?
00:14:42.540 | And that put a lot of relief.
00:14:45.420 | It gave me a lot of relief.
00:14:46.900 | And I got to think about financial samurai, do some consulting, just try out all these
00:14:52.040 | different things.
00:14:53.220 | And those three years when I didn't have the job for the first three years went by quick.
00:14:58.620 | And it was nice to have a solid supporting partner who had a day job and all the benefits
00:15:05.860 | of that, I didn't feel as stressed.
00:15:07.580 | Because if you decided, "Oh, I'm going to leave too right there," I'll be, "Oh, that'd
00:15:12.740 | be pretty risky."
00:15:15.060 | And this is honestly how I feel sometimes during bear markets, because we now haven't
00:15:20.580 | had a job in a while, eight years for you, 11 years for me.
00:15:26.940 | And so when there's a downturn that happens, it's more stressful.
00:15:30.820 | Because I think about all the progress that I lost financially because we're losing all
00:15:34.860 | this money, just like in 2022.
00:15:36.540 | Yeah.
00:15:37.540 | I was just going to add, at least we've diversified a lot more than the last 10, 20 years.
00:15:44.500 | Right.
00:15:45.500 | Compared to back in 2008.
00:15:46.500 | But you know, it's funny, in 2008, I was still very diversified, real estate, stocks, CDs,
00:15:54.260 | little bit of bonds.
00:15:55.260 | I mean, I still lost 35% of my net worth in about six months.
00:15:58.860 | This is in 2008, 2009.
00:16:02.020 | And that goes to show the magnitude of the decline back then and how dire things were.
00:16:08.660 | Nothing really has come close to back then.
00:16:10.540 | And I never want to go back to back then.
00:16:13.420 | So it's just another reminder, folks, review your portfolio, look at your exposure, make
00:16:21.180 | sure the exposure is congruent with your risk tolerance.
00:16:24.980 | I know Empower, if you link up over $100,000 in investable assets, you can have a free
00:16:31.420 | discussion with a registered financial advisor who has seen many, many portfolios before
00:16:36.820 | at your age and with your situation.
00:16:40.500 | So they can provide a good sounding board for you.
00:16:42.880 | You can sign up at financialsamurai.com/empower.
00:16:48.140 | Why not?
00:16:49.140 | I've done it before myself 10 years ago.
00:16:50.780 | It's good to get different perspectives.
00:16:53.020 | All of us have some sort of blind spot or some sort of portfolio "drift" where the percentage
00:17:00.660 | allocation is much greater than the intentional allocation.
00:17:04.900 | At any rate, I want to encourage everyone who's been told they've been absurd or they've
00:17:10.460 | had absurd dreams or they're crazy to know that it's okay because sometimes your absurd
00:17:18.020 | dreams do come true.
00:17:20.020 | And when they do come true, you're going to be so glad you didn't accept the status quo.
00:17:26.580 | Thank you everyone for listening.
00:17:28.300 | This episode of Financial Samurai is proudly sponsored by Danielson Legal.
00:17:33.020 | Danielson Legal is a boutique law firm that has been helping tech companies since 2008.
00:17:38.580 | They pride themselves on prompt attention to their clients' day-to-day legal needs,
00:17:43.180 | including intellectual property, corporate matters, technology law and transactions,
00:17:48.300 | and litigation with pricing designed to provide value to their clients.
00:17:53.180 | You can find them on the web at www.DanielsonLegal.com.
00:18:03.300 | Thanks so much everyone for listening.
00:18:04.900 | If you enjoyed this episode, please share, subscribe and review.
00:18:09.140 | It helps the podcast grow.
00:18:11.300 | Speak to you guys later.
00:18:12.580 | [Music]
00:18:18.580 | you