Are Non-Christian Marriages Valid in God’s Eyes?
00:00:00.000 | Well, are non-Christian marriages, the marriages of two non-Christians, are these unions legit
00:00:11.840 | in God's eyes?
00:00:12.840 | It's a question today from a listener named Steve.
00:00:15.480 | "Pastor John, thank you so much for your ministry," he writes.
00:00:18.720 | "This podcast and a number of your books have had a large impact on my spiritual walk.
00:00:23.240 | Here's my question.
00:00:24.840 | A co-worker asked me if I thought God honored secular marriages.
00:00:29.680 | My gut reaction was yes.
00:00:32.000 | My co-worker said no.
00:00:33.800 | He believes that if two parties don't believe in God, then God is not in that marriage and
00:00:37.780 | therefore God does not recognize the marriage.
00:00:40.400 | He went further to state that God does not even hear non-Christian prayers.
00:00:45.960 | I'll be honest, I didn't know how to respond or defend my opposition to his stance.
00:00:50.600 | Is there biblical backing for the legitimacy of secular marriages?"
00:00:56.480 | This is one of those classic instances where disagreement precedes definition, or where
00:01:05.760 | conflict precedes clarification.
00:01:10.540 | So it's an opportunity for me to get on my soapbox and plead with all Christians that
00:01:17.080 | we not engage in conflict or in debates where the terms of the conflict and the definitions
00:01:25.220 | in the debate are not clear.
00:01:29.680 | Arguing about words or phrases that are undefined is like a watchdog barking at shadows.
00:01:39.200 | It might scare away a burglar, but he also might scare away the fireman who's here to
00:01:44.640 | save your house from burning down.
00:01:47.480 | An argument without clear definitions is like playing tennis with the net down and all the
00:01:55.900 | lines erased on the court.
00:01:58.260 | You can argue until doomsday, "The serve was in!
00:02:00.700 | No it wasn't!
00:02:01.700 | What good does it do to—?"
00:02:03.700 | That's just crazy.
00:02:06.700 | Insist—this is my plea—insist on definition and clarification before you disagree.
00:02:14.780 | For example, what does this person mean by saying, "God is not in the marriage"?
00:02:21.140 | What in the world does "in" mean?
00:02:24.480 | What does it mean when he says, "God does not recognize" or he uses the word "honor"
00:02:30.620 | the marriage?
00:02:31.620 | What does "recognize" mean?
00:02:34.060 | Honor?
00:02:35.060 | So what often happens when we insist on clear definitions is that problems begin to solve
00:02:41.100 | themselves.
00:02:42.100 | I've seen it over and over again.
00:02:44.700 | Often, the definitions themselves answer the questions you were debating.
00:02:50.180 | So I would encourage all Christians not to waste your time playing tennis without any
00:02:54.460 | lines on the court.
00:02:56.500 | So let me guess the way this person's mind might have been working who asked this question
00:03:02.220 | about the validity of marriages between unbelievers.
00:03:07.020 | My guess is that he starts something like this, Romans 14.23, which says, "Whatever
00:03:14.340 | is not from faith is sin."
00:03:17.580 | That's pretty radical.
00:03:19.100 | "Therefore, if faithless people marry, they are sinning.
00:03:25.100 | And since God disapproves of sin, he therefore disapproves of this marriage."
00:03:31.240 | And then the leap is made, "And therefore it's not a marriage."
00:03:34.420 | Well, maybe.
00:03:35.420 | I mean, you've got to get a little bit of argument in there first.
00:03:40.400 | So whether that's the train of thought or there's another one that I don't know about,
00:03:46.500 | let me give several biblical reasons for why I think marriages between a man and a woman
00:03:53.260 | who make a promise of lifetime faithfulness to each other as husband and wife are in fact
00:03:58.940 | married.
00:03:59.940 | They have real marriages, even though they are not ideal, they're not believing, they're
00:04:06.860 | not rooted consciously in God's purposes for marriage, and so they are disobedient and
00:04:12.340 | Christ-denying and fall short.
00:04:15.020 | Those are all the languages.
00:04:16.020 | I think that's the way we should talk about these marriages, not that they're not marriages.
00:04:20.180 | So I don't say they're not marriage, which by the way, I do say about so-called marriages
00:04:26.820 | between two men or two women or a person and an animal.
00:04:31.940 | That's not marriage.
00:04:32.940 | It's not marriage.
00:04:34.860 | There is no such thing as a marriage between two people of the same sex.
00:04:40.100 | Whatever the world calls those relationships, they're not marriage.
00:04:44.820 | But marriages between an unbelieving man and an unbelieving woman are real marriages that
00:04:50.100 | fall short of God's highest purpose for marriage.
00:04:53.100 | Now why do I say that?
00:04:55.020 | First, going back to Romans 14, 23, which is a very radical text, it is, "Whatever
00:05:01.860 | is not from faith is sin."
00:05:04.780 | It does not follow that if something is sinful, it's not real and shouldn't happen.
00:05:12.380 | For example, in the context, the point is that eating certain things—in Romans 14,
00:05:17.820 | that's the context—eating certain things, even innocent things, will be sinful if they're
00:05:25.500 | not done in faith.
00:05:27.100 | So if an unbeliever eats God's good gift of meat or drinks God's good gift of wine
00:05:33.220 | or orange juice, that act not done in faith is a sinning act.
00:05:41.780 | God intended food to be eaten, drinks to be drunk, with thankfulness and faith in him.
00:05:47.820 | All other uses of his gifts are sinful.
00:05:51.380 | They are failures to live up to God's design for meat and drink.
00:05:56.980 | Now the question is, should we conclude that unbelievers therefore should not eat since
00:06:03.380 | their eating is sinning?
00:06:05.100 | Or should we conclude that unbelievers should have faith when they eat?
00:06:11.140 | And the answer is, God does not require of unbelievers that they stop eating.
00:06:17.380 | He requires that they trust him and thank him when they eat.
00:06:22.620 | And if they don't, they're going to be in big trouble.
00:06:25.980 | Same thing is true of marriage.
00:06:27.900 | Since marrying without trusting Jesus and thanking Jesus is sinful, yes, what does God
00:06:35.620 | require?
00:06:36.940 | Does he require that unbelievers not marry?
00:06:39.580 | Or does he require that unbelievers believe and trust him and thank him for the gift of
00:06:47.260 | marriage?
00:06:48.740 | Second, God ordained that there be human institutions, like government.
00:06:57.140 | He explains in Romans 13, 1 Peter 2, and he teaches that governments are real.
00:07:03.460 | They're real governments and they accomplish many of his good purposes even when the emperor
00:07:08.900 | and the governors are unbelieving.
00:07:11.580 | So everything these governors and emperors do is sin in their unbelief because they don't
00:07:17.020 | do it from faith.
00:07:18.740 | And yet, that doesn't stop God from recognizing the governments as real.
00:07:23.260 | God ordained institutions of government, accomplishing his purposes.
00:07:28.500 | In the same way, God ordained the institution of marriage.
00:07:32.740 | And it too accomplishes many of God's purposes, even when the husband and wife are unbelievers,
00:07:37.740 | like providing replenishment for the earth, some measure of stability against chaos, some
00:07:44.940 | semblance of the covenant love that God intended marriage to portray.
00:07:52.540 | Now let me underline that last point.
00:07:54.380 | The ultimate purpose of marriage, according to Genesis 224 and Ephesians 532, is to portray
00:08:00.940 | the covenant love between Christ and his church.
00:08:04.780 | This is done most clearly in an obedient, faithful Christian marriage.
00:08:11.460 | But it is done obscurely, even in a lifelong, promise-keeping, adultery-avoiding, unbelieving
00:08:19.940 | marriage.
00:08:20.940 | So marriages accomplish some of God's purposes imperfectly, even when the spouses are unbelieving.
00:08:30.260 | Third, in 1 Corinthians 7.12-16, Paul addresses Christian spouses who are converted while
00:08:40.340 | they are in an unbelieving marriage.
00:08:43.820 | So that one spouse is now a believer, and one is not.
00:08:49.220 | And he tells them not to divorce, unless they think, "Oh, I've got to do that, because now
00:08:54.620 | this is a wrecked marriage, because one of us is an unbeliever."
00:08:58.460 | He does not tell them that they are now in a half-marriage or an illegitimate marriage,
00:09:04.440 | and he doesn't tell them that they need to have a new wedding ceremony because they were
00:09:09.500 | in a non-marriage.
00:09:11.600 | They weren't.
00:09:12.600 | They were in a marriage.
00:09:13.600 | It was a marriage, and it is a marriage, imperfect to be sure, but still marriage.
00:09:19.740 | Fourth, when Jesus speaks of divorce, and he describes remarriage after divorce as adulterous,
00:09:28.900 | he still calls those marriages marriages.
00:09:31.820 | For example, in Luke 16.18, he says, "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another
00:09:41.780 | commits adultery, and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
00:09:49.300 | Well, that's very strong language, and there's no escaping that Jesus uses the word "marry"
00:09:58.020 | for what ought not to happen.
00:10:00.260 | But it does happen.
00:10:01.260 | And when it happens, it is what it is.
00:10:03.720 | If Jesus treats wrongfully entered marriages as real marriages, then it's not a stretch
00:10:11.500 | to treat the marriages of unbelievers as real marriage.
00:10:15.700 | Now, lots more could be said here, but let me end with this.
00:10:21.600 | Marriage is rooted in God's design for creation at the beginning and is a valid institution
00:10:29.900 | for all his human creatures.
00:10:33.220 | Where there is a covenant made between a man and a woman for a lifetime of faithfulness
00:10:38.580 | as husband and wife, we have a marriage.
00:10:42.220 | It will become God-honoring, Christ-exalting, truth-based when the couple believes.
00:10:51.340 | What we say to an unbelieving couple is not, "Don't marry," but rather, "Believe on the
00:10:59.620 | Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved."
00:11:03.060 | Very good.
00:11:04.060 | Thank you, Pastor John.
00:11:05.060 | And thank you, Steve, for the question.
00:11:06.060 | If you have a question, send it in to us.
00:11:07.980 | You can do that through our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.
00:11:11.540 | Well, next up, we're going to look at how pastors fail.
00:11:18.020 | We are blessed with many, countless faithful men who lead churches.
00:11:22.380 | Praise God for them.
00:11:23.460 | But some pastors do fail, and fail in big ways.
00:11:26.500 | It's not a topic we want to address, but it's a topic we need to address on occasion, and
00:11:30.860 | we will next time on Wednesday.
00:11:33.060 | I am your host, Tony Reinke, and we will see you back here for that.
00:11:36.180 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast with longtime author and pastor, John
00:11:41.060 | Piper.
00:11:42.060 | We'll see you next time.
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