What Porn-ified Culture Does to Marriage

00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)

00:00:02.580 | - We're honored to be joined again by author

00:00:07.160 | and speaker Paul Tripp on the Ask Pastor John podcast.

00:00:09.960 | As we finish out this week,

00:00:11.520 | he is the author of the book, Sex and Money.

00:00:14.960 | Paul, we recently polled DG readers

00:00:17.560 | on their use of technology,

00:00:19.360 | and 8,000 of our readers responded.

00:00:21.480 | And those who admitted to an ongoing use

00:00:24.080 | of internet pornography,

00:00:25.840 | it was clearly a particular struggle among men.

00:00:28.480 | Women struggle at a far less rate,

00:00:30.520 | but for both men and women,

00:00:32.280 | the struggle is stronger the younger the person.

00:00:34.940 | And almost 50% of men, 18 to 29,

00:00:38.760 | the youngest demographic that we polled,

00:00:40.500 | almost 50% of men here who read Desiring God

00:00:44.700 | admit to ongoing struggles with porn use.

00:00:48.280 | But what's also interesting is that most of these men

00:00:50.360 | have accountability structures in their lives.

00:00:52.760 | So this is not a surprise to others.

00:00:54.920 | Other people in their lives know this is a struggle for them.

00:00:57.360 | So what would you say to a Christian man

00:00:59.720 | who is stuck and trapped in this powerful sin?

00:01:04.000 | - The first thing I would say,

00:01:05.820 | and I think this is very important,

00:01:08.160 | it's a cultural analysis.

00:01:09.840 | I don't think we do these kinds of cultural analyses

00:01:13.280 | as much as we should.

00:01:15.440 | You have to understand, you now live in a pornified world.

00:01:20.440 | Pornography is Western culture.

00:01:24.040 | It's everywhere.

00:01:25.000 | You'll never safely escape the pornographic influences

00:01:30.000 | of the surrounding culture.

00:01:33.880 | You just can't.

00:01:34.720 | You can't look at your computer,

00:01:36.320 | you can't follow the news, watch television,

00:01:40.560 | go to a movie, read a magazine,

00:01:43.620 | go to the mall for Pete's sake,

00:01:45.720 | without having your morals assaulted.

00:01:48.820 | So you have to understand the world that you're living in.

00:01:53.240 | Don't be naive.

00:01:54.840 | The thing that somehow you can purify your environment

00:01:59.320 | to the place where it won't be a problem for you.

00:02:01.680 | We are all gonna be faced with the temptation

00:02:04.680 | we just need to get a grip.

00:02:06.900 | Second thing is, I think that we haven't talked about

00:02:11.120 | the why so many Christian men are addicted

00:02:16.120 | to internet pornography.

00:02:18.880 | And I wanna say it this way.

00:02:21.080 | If I've accepted, and I think many, many Christian men

00:02:24.320 | have done this without knowing it,

00:02:25.920 | that sex is fundamentally about my pleasure.

00:02:30.320 | That it's, let's say in marriage,

00:02:32.320 | it's a legal means of me getting pleasure.

00:02:36.180 | And that's what drives me in marital sex.

00:02:39.780 | And so what happens when I'm in the sexual bed with my wife,

00:02:44.780 | I don't care about her.

00:02:47.240 | I don't care about God.

00:02:48.880 | I don't care about loving and serving her.

00:02:51.640 | All I care about is getting off.

00:02:54.140 | All I care about is my satisfaction.

00:02:57.040 | Now what that does is that reduces sex

00:03:02.040 | and reduces my wife to an object for my pleasure.

00:03:06.560 | I'm gonna say this.

00:03:08.280 | She becomes little more than a tool of my masturbation.

00:03:13.280 | It's totally anti-relational sex.

00:03:17.220 | It's not about relationship with God.

00:03:18.520 | It's not about relationship with my wife.

00:03:20.520 | In fact, the physical relationship,

00:03:22.560 | my love relationship to that person

00:03:24.760 | almost doesn't exist in that moment.

00:03:26.640 | It's just my body getting what my body wants.

00:03:30.240 | If that's happened and she has now been objectified,

00:03:34.360 | I have little defense against the computer

00:03:38.360 | which offers me the same thing, because it's all about me.

00:03:41.540 | And in fact, the computer may be a more efficient tool

00:03:46.540 | of sexual climax than my wife is.

00:03:50.600 | What defense do I then have?

00:03:53.240 | But see, if it's been about God,

00:03:55.560 | if it's been about relationship,

00:03:57.600 | if it's been about loving her and loving God

00:04:01.160 | and wanting this thing to be what God designed it to be,

00:04:05.240 | the computer is weird, strange, and out of place.

00:04:09.960 | And so I think that what is being revealed

00:04:13.680 | is not a problem with the computer.

00:04:16.080 | What's being revealed is a problem

00:04:18.120 | that exists in our marriages,

00:04:20.040 | that exists in our low view of sexuality and marriage,

00:04:25.040 | that set us up to be defenseless against this temptation.

00:04:29.440 | - So singleness is an opportunity

00:04:32.080 | to die to this lie that sex is selfish,

00:04:34.880 | a lesson that any man or woman will need in marriage.

00:04:37.480 | - It is a key place where contemporary singles

00:04:43.880 | can submit to the fact that in all areas

00:04:48.840 | of boundary setting, God is smarter than me.

00:04:53.520 | - Very good, thank you, Paul.

00:04:56.200 | I appreciate this.

00:04:57.080 | And if you're looking for solid wisdom

00:04:58.420 | on fighting sexual sin, see Paul Tripp's book,

00:05:01.120 | "Sex and Money."

00:05:03.120 | We must break for the weekend,

00:05:04.560 | but we will return on Monday.

00:05:05.800 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.

00:05:06.800 | Have a wonderful weekend.

00:05:08.160 | (upbeat music)

00:05:10.740 | (upbeat music)

00:05:13.320 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

What Porn-ified Culture Does to Marriage

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