back to indexATHLLC2859775785
00:00:01.700 |
I love helping you answer all the toughest questions about life, money, and so much 00:00:08.040 |
more, but sometimes it's helpful to talk to other people in your situation, which 00:00:12.880 |
actually gets harder as you build your wealth. 00:00:14.940 |
So I want to introduce you to today's sponsor, Longangle. 00:00:18.200 |
Longangle is a community of high net worth individuals with backgrounds in 00:00:22.240 |
everything from technology, finance, medicine, to real estate, law, 00:00:29.480 |
I've loved being a part of the community, and I've even had one of the founders, 00:00:33.040 |
Tad Fallows, join me on All The Hacks in episode 87 to talk about alternative 00:00:37.920 |
Now, the majority of Longangle members are first generation wealth, young, highly 00:00:42.660 |
successful individuals who join the community to share knowledge and learn 00:00:46.400 |
from each other in a confidential, unbiased setting. 00:00:49.600 |
On top of that, members also get access to some unique private market investment 00:00:55.200 |
Like I said, I'm a member and I've gotten so much value from the community 00:00:59.120 |
because you're getting advice and feedback from people in a similar 00:01:02.320 |
situation to you on everything from your investment portfolio, to your 00:01:06.280 |
children's education, to finding a concierge doctor. 00:01:09.240 |
So many of these conversations aren't happening anywhere else online. 00:01:13.160 |
So if you have more than 2.2 million in investable assets, which is their 00:01:17.440 |
minimum for membership, I encourage you to check out Longangle and it's totally 00:01:26.400 |
And if you choose to apply, be sure to let them know you heard about it here. 00:01:34.640 |
Hello, and welcome to another episode of All The Hacks, a show about upgrading 00:01:43.760 |
I'm Chris Hutchins, and I am excited you're joining me today for a 00:01:47.080 |
conversation with Mike Hayes, who happens to have one of the most impressive 00:01:53.360 |
He spent 20 years in the US Navy SEALs serving around the world, including the 00:01:58.440 |
conflicts in Bosnia, Kosovo, Iraq, and Afghanistan. 00:02:02.760 |
His last job in the Navy was the commanding officer of SEAL Team 2, overseeing a 00:02:08.360 |
2,000-person special operations task force in southeastern Afghanistan. 00:02:13.280 |
Before that, he was a White House fellow and served as director of defense policy 00:02:18.600 |
and strategy at the National Security Council. 00:02:21.520 |
And after his military career, Mike spent four years at the investment firm 00:02:25.520 |
Bridgewater before moving into the tech sector, where he's now the chief digital 00:02:32.160 |
And just last year, he published his first book, Never Enough, which is about 00:02:37.280 |
living a life of excellence, agility, and meaning. 00:02:40.360 |
Oh, and if that's not enough, he's also fluent in German and Spanish. 00:02:44.960 |
In our conversation, I want to unpack everything he's learned about leadership, 00:02:50.080 |
decision-making, handling difficult situations, manufacturing discomfort, and 00:02:55.480 |
what it takes to embrace the principles of excellence, agility, and meaning. 00:02:59.560 |
I am so excited for this conversation, so let's jump in. 00:03:10.720 |
It's so awesome to be around people who have made this great nation greater. 00:03:17.440 |
In the intro to your book, you laid out these three principles, excellence, agility, 00:03:21.400 |
and meaning, and you say they cover the spectrum of what we need to aim for in 00:03:27.320 |
So first off, thanks for boiling the entire ocean of life down to three 00:03:32.200 |
But more importantly, what led you narrow the world of potential principles down to 00:03:38.320 |
Well, man alive, I think if you understand me, the famous words of a 00:03:42.240 |
pictatist, the Stoic philosopher, he said, when somebody criticizes you, the only 00:03:46.600 |
correct answer is to say, clearly you don't know me well enough, or if you knew 00:03:49.800 |
me better, you would criticize me for my far greater faults. 00:03:53.040 |
So anyways, the three things, excellence, agility, and meaning, I have to start 00:03:57.520 |
I've recently gone over the half century mark, and all that does is means that I've 00:04:01.160 |
messed some things up in life and got wisdom from things that I could have done 00:04:04.280 |
One thing I'm very confident in though, that is the world is about meaning. 00:04:12.080 |
I've been very, very fortunate in my life to be around a bunch of people who the 00:04:15.720 |
world would deem and define as ultra successful. 00:04:18.200 |
And from all of these conversations, I will tell you that every single person 00:04:22.560 |
will, no matter how much money or how rich and famous they are, they will tell 00:04:26.440 |
you that their life is the richest when they're giving back and they're making a 00:04:32.080 |
I've been very privileged to be able to give back. 00:04:33.960 |
I've been through some hard days also, many hard days, like every seal of my era 00:04:37.760 |
has, but I have to start with the meaning aspect of that because everybody has to 00:04:47.040 |
So meaning is kind of the what, the how is really focusing on excellence and 00:04:51.800 |
The excellence, I've often said, we're only excellent if we know we're never 00:04:59.280 |
It's like the title of the book, Never Enough can get interpreted as not 00:05:05.240 |
It's about always striving to be a little bit better, but at the same time being 00:05:11.040 |
I know that sounds a little bit paradoxical, but really the point is 00:05:14.920 |
excellence is about drive and determination to continue to get better. 00:05:20.600 |
The third one, I would say agility, look, that's about dropping into a situation 00:05:24.160 |
and understanding that you need to be different things and have different tools 00:05:28.320 |
in the toolkit and be able to approach life different ways in order to, to 00:05:34.240 |
So the first is the what and the other two are the how, Chris. 00:05:44.240 |
Now that I've read it, I understand it, but I think some people might read the 00:05:49.560 |
intro, read the beginning and think, wow, so many of these principles that you 00:05:52.680 |
share involve these wild life and death situations, and they might not feel 00:05:58.680 |
Do you think that those lessons can still be taken in and used when stakes aren't 00:06:06.000 |
If there's any way to judge whether the book has been successful or not, it is 00:06:09.680 |
the question of relatability, because look, we all choose different paths in 00:06:14.040 |
I've gone to seals and worked in white houses, and now I'm a senior executive 00:06:18.600 |
And so that doesn't mean my path is the right path. 00:06:21.240 |
Everybody's got different passions and abilities and interests. 00:06:24.320 |
And if I wrote something that only pertained to people who have followed 00:06:28.080 |
similar paths to mine, then I wouldn't be achieving the goal of the book, which 00:06:32.120 |
is to try to make as positive of an impact in as many people as possible lives. 00:06:39.440 |
I think that no matter where you are, the principles that engender and cause the 00:06:44.680 |
success in the seals or the white houses or wherever you are, are really the same 00:06:49.600 |
No matter what somebody chooses to do in life, whether you're being a better 00:06:53.160 |
father or a husband or a better neighbor or a better person on your town board or 00:06:58.320 |
a nonprofit board, like it just doesn't matter what path people choose. 00:07:03.760 |
And what I write about this is to celebrate that we all are motivated by 00:07:08.200 |
We all have different passions and interests and abilities, and people who 00:07:12.200 |
choose different paths than us should be celebrated because that's what takes the 00:07:18.640 |
You can skim through the Amazon reviews, but I think you'd come to the conclusion 00:07:21.840 |
that there's a lot of positivity around making the book relatable. 00:07:26.640 |
Before we jump in, maybe let's just take an example of your first life and death 00:07:31.960 |
experience in Peru and what that taught you about doing the right thing and what 00:07:38.560 |
So, like I said, I'm, I'm 51 years old when I was 26 or so, 25, 1996. 00:07:45.040 |
I was leading a group of seals on my first overseas assignment in Peru. 00:07:51.480 |
And honestly, it was just an evening where six of my teammates had flown 00:07:55.600 |
They were out in a Quito's actually, which is an offshoot of the river Nanai, 00:07:59.400 |
which feeds into the Amazon in the rainforest and myself and a friend of 00:08:03.440 |
mine, Ken, we're just getting a meal together. 00:08:06.000 |
And when we were driving back home, these two police cars pinned us in six 00:08:13.320 |
And Ken and I were like, okay, these cops, they just have us mistaken for 00:08:18.960 |
They were either heavy criminals or terrorists. 00:08:21.560 |
We still, to this day, don't know which they were, but they drove us around. 00:08:24.520 |
They threatened me with execution and torture and really bad things. 00:08:27.640 |
And fortunately I'm fluent in Spanish and I was able to communicate and just 00:08:33.760 |
Your brain in these life and death situations becomes a supercomputer. 00:08:39.320 |
And you're just thinking, okay, how do I maximize the probability of living 00:08:46.080 |
I could have jumped out of the car and saved my life. 00:08:48.120 |
But I remember very vividly, Chris thinking, if I jump out of this car and 00:08:52.320 |
save my life, they're probably going to shoot Ken. 00:08:54.600 |
And I could never, ever live my life knowing that I caused harm to a teammate 00:08:59.440 |
So we stuck it out, ultimately lived through it. 00:09:03.200 |
Number one is when I was very near death, all I did was think about the time, my 00:09:08.760 |
And you just think about the people who you care about in life. 00:09:11.640 |
And honestly, this will sound weird, but like death for yourself isn't that hard. 00:09:20.000 |
And what I have found is that you think about the people who you are closest to. 00:09:24.040 |
So number one is first and foremost, it's cliche for a reason, but live every day 00:09:29.560 |
Make sure you never miss an opportunity to tell people how important they are to 00:09:37.280 |
Look, I'm imperfect like we all are, but aspire to be as least imperfect as we can 00:09:43.640 |
The other is more, I'll say tactical, if you will. 00:09:46.600 |
Like in these situations, how do you very simply think, okay, what's the outcome 00:09:51.400 |
that you want, what's the strategy that's going to get you there, and then how do 00:09:55.760 |
And that's very simply what life as a SEAL is, and that was foreshadowing for 00:10:02.240 |
When things get really hard, how do you stay extremely calm and see the outcomes 00:10:08.080 |
and say, what needs to happen here in this hard moment in order to maximize the 00:10:11.960 |
safety and success of my teammates and myself? 00:10:15.040 |
So lots of learning from a very hard situation at a young age, Chris. 00:10:19.580 |
Is there any training you got for slowing down in those moments that you could 00:10:25.360 |
I know some people get a little anxious when things are distraught. 00:10:30.440 |
There's another question behind your question, which is people can hear me 00:10:33.480 |
sometimes and think, wow, this guy's really got it together. 00:10:38.360 |
I'm figuring it out just like everybody else. 00:10:40.760 |
But what I would say is that the nature versus nurture question, how much of 00:10:44.840 |
ability is nature and just, hey, you were born with a certain ability, and 00:10:48.960 |
how much of it is nurture, how much is trained and learned and improved. 00:10:52.160 |
And look, I think that way more of life is the nurture, the training than the 00:10:56.680 |
nature aspect, because it's just a matter of how good do you want to get at 00:11:00.240 |
something and then what's the work that it takes to get there and are you willing 00:11:05.560 |
In SEAL training, my class started with 120 guys, 19 graduated. 00:11:10.280 |
Now all 220 who came in the front door had the physical ability to be a SEAL. 00:11:15.160 |
And the 19 who graduated also had the mental ability to be a SEAL. 00:11:18.760 |
The mental aspect of these situations is really what determines the 00:11:24.560 |
What you need to do is put yourself in hard situations, ideally in training, 00:11:29.400 |
and then afterward, don't spend time talking about what went well. 00:11:33.760 |
Spend time talking about what didn't go well enough, because the next 00:11:37.640 |
time you do something, inertia will keep that goodness remaining good. 00:11:42.000 |
What you need to do is arrest or change the direction around the things 00:11:46.400 |
Let me use an example, a SEAL platoon in the States training 00:11:51.560 |
It's not training if we're just go out every night and we succeed 00:11:55.840 |
As a commanding officer of a SEAL team, if I just see people succeeding 00:11:59.320 |
night after night after night, I'll say, "Hey, your training's not hard enough." 00:12:02.480 |
So that failure and the coming up short is where all the learning comes from. 00:12:07.320 |
So then in that, and I'm sorry, this is a long answer, but I'm 00:12:11.840 |
The learning comes from the after action review or the hot wash or the debrief, 00:12:16.920 |
we call it, where we go around and say, "What could have been done better?" 00:12:20.160 |
And what's really important, and I wrote about this in the book, is you 00:12:24.920 |
You teach people how to learn, not what to think, how to think. 00:12:31.240 |
You know, when you're in a village in the middle of Iraq or Afghanistan, 00:12:34.440 |
which I and many SEALs have been in the dark of the night many, many times, 00:12:37.600 |
you're never going to see the exact same situation twice. 00:12:40.800 |
So to say that you came out of a building and turned left and say, "Oh, 00:12:44.720 |
you should have turned right," and think that that's the debrief, false. 00:12:47.760 |
What you want to do is get the logic underneath it and say, "Why did you turn 00:12:53.360 |
And unpack that because that lesson at that level, at that deeper why, will 00:12:59.160 |
absolutely be used again on an operation in the future, and that's where you can 00:13:02.840 |
say, "Hey, you know, you turned left and here's why, but did you think about the 00:13:06.480 |
other side and maybe you should have thought about it a different way, or 00:13:09.320 |
maybe I should have thought about it a different way?" And being in a culture 00:13:12.480 |
where that behavior is celebrated as trying to make each other better, not 00:13:16.800 |
tearing each other down, but making the team stronger is really the reason that 00:13:22.920 |
You're now working in a technology industry that I've spent a lot of time 00:13:27.360 |
in. Have you used that same principle to the way you debrief situations there? 00:13:32.000 |
And is there a similar example using what you learned in a different 00:13:37.440 |
Absolutely. I will say that the corporate environment, the delivery of the 00:13:44.240 |
We've got a wider variety of backgrounds and people in the real world. 00:13:49.240 |
And I don't mean that just from your classic dichotomies that we have in the 00:13:52.680 |
world. The corporate environment, what we think about is how do we deliver the 00:13:57.560 |
message so that it is the maximum probability of growth happens? 00:14:02.840 |
It's do you care about the person you're giving the feedback to? 00:14:06.920 |
All of us, whether it's you or me or anybody listening, if we get criticized, 00:14:10.960 |
well, let me not even use the word criticized. 00:14:12.720 |
If we get feedback, we have a really good radar and a detector to be able to tell 00:14:18.400 |
whether the person delivering the feedback is coming from a space of make me 00:14:24.120 |
And we tend to respond really well when we genuinely feel like somebody is trying 00:14:28.040 |
to make us better. We don't respond well when somebody is just trying to tear us 00:14:31.520 |
down. So if you think about that, on how do you deliver feedback, it has to come 00:14:35.480 |
from the space of caring and helping the team. 00:14:38.720 |
And look, I haven't found many people in the corporate world who don't want to be 00:14:41.920 |
better. Nobody wakes up and says, what can I screw up today as a society become a 00:14:45.640 |
little bit better with a lifelong of learning? 00:14:48.000 |
Absolutely. In the book, you talked about an experience where how to think 00:14:54.280 |
And you kind of had to, in a more professional environment, use only how to 00:14:59.720 |
think because you didn't really have much context on what was happening. 00:15:03.600 |
That's fair. I was privileged to be selected as a White House fellow. 00:15:07.240 |
I served the last six months of the Bush administration and then served into the 00:15:12.160 |
Obama administration and as the director for defense policy and strategy. 00:15:16.280 |
So I reported to the National Security Advisor and I've either run or attended 00:15:20.360 |
hundreds of meetings in the White House Situation Room. 00:15:22.440 |
And I've seen the best our nation has, the brightest minds solving the hardest of 00:15:26.800 |
problems. But, Chris, there's an inverse of that, which is also egos and desire for 00:15:31.640 |
credit, lack of humility or having the meeting after the meeting, you know, those 00:15:35.640 |
kinds of cultures getting in the way of progress. 00:15:38.080 |
And so on day seven, I wrote about this in the book, a little bit of spoiler alert. 00:15:41.640 |
But day seven or 10 or something like that in the White House, I had to unstick the 00:15:45.720 |
START treaty that the interagency could not agree on. 00:15:48.520 |
So Department of Defense and Department of State and Energy and the intelligence 00:15:52.200 |
community, they all want a different language in our text for the treaty. 00:15:56.320 |
And all I had to do was get everybody in the sit room and say, all right, we got to 00:15:59.440 |
come to an agreement here. And that's the how that you just described. 00:16:02.880 |
Like I stood in front of the room and I said, look, there's 15 minutes of Washington, 00:16:06.160 |
D.C. standing in front of you running this meeting. 00:16:08.280 |
And there's 150 plus years of Washington, D.C. 00:16:12.280 |
And what I can tell you is that I'm really good at keeping these doors shut until we 00:16:16.160 |
figure this out. And my other observation is that everybody in D.C. 00:16:19.960 |
wants to play the my dad can beat up your dad game. 00:16:25.440 |
We tell our boss that nobody wants to agree with us and we think somebody else is 00:16:32.960 |
I said, hey, if you think your boss is smarter than you on this topic right now, 00:16:44.080 |
So we've got the smartest people in Washington, D.C. 00:16:47.800 |
It's our responsibility as a nation to go solve it. 00:16:50.560 |
And so on, I don't know, day 20 or something, I was privileged to fly overseas with 00:16:55.160 |
White House delegation and be part of the leadership negotiating across the table from 00:17:00.640 |
So the how they're like you said, matters way more than the what. 00:17:03.760 |
Absolutely. You just talked about the Situation Room, and I think it's something that 00:17:10.560 |
Any fun tidbits of information you can share of what's it actually like to be in that 00:17:15.240 |
room? Is it what we all expect from watching whatever TV show we've seen? 00:17:19.080 |
On the one hand, the electronics and the communications is always state of the art. 00:17:24.720 |
I haven't been in that room in a couple of years, but it's always getting better. 00:17:28.000 |
And just even from when I was in there, I've let a couple of things in there where we 00:17:31.200 |
had different places from around the globe plugged in. 00:17:34.040 |
And you've got people on the nerve center, if you will, of the nation. 00:17:37.040 |
And it's super cool. In fact, actually, here's a good way to say it. 00:17:39.760 |
My swim buddy from SEAL training later became an astronaut, Chris Cassidy. 00:17:43.240 |
He's one of my greatest friends on the planet. 00:17:44.880 |
Chris flew the second to last shuttle mission and then also did two deployments to the 00:17:50.760 |
When Chris went on his first shuttle mission, I flew down with my family to go watch it 00:17:54.920 |
launch live. It was delayed a couple of times. 00:17:57.000 |
And we couldn't stay down in Cape Canaveral any longer. 00:18:06.280 |
We call it and I said, hey, can we just get the launch up on one of the screens? 00:18:11.080 |
Once the shuttle's up and in orbit, would you like us to patch a call into your friend, 00:18:14.680 |
Chris? And I was just like, oh, my God, this is incredible. 00:18:20.760 |
That'll be like some national story of a misappropriation or misuse of authority or 00:18:24.880 |
abilities. But the ability to go from White House sit room to space shuttle with two SEAL 00:18:29.000 |
training friends from age 21 would have been super cool. 00:18:33.440 |
I want to go back to what you were talking about earlier, about trying to put yourself 00:18:38.760 |
in training. Now, I would argue that maybe the SEALs Buds training is one of the 00:18:44.000 |
hardest, if not the hardest training programs that exists on the Earth. 00:18:47.280 |
How do you think mere mortals like me can, without enlisting in the SEALs, create some 00:18:52.800 |
of that training and kind of bring on this practice you described as like manufacturing 00:18:57.400 |
discomfort in their lives for people who've grown up in really hard situations? 00:19:01.520 |
They know it for people who maybe have grown up a little bit more privileged. 00:19:04.720 |
Maybe they haven't had that discomfort and want to, but maybe don't want to go run 00:19:09.600 |
through Buds. I think it starts with being really clear what your goals are in life. 00:19:13.560 |
You know, a lot of us just kind of tend to drift a little bit and say, I'm just going to 00:19:17.800 |
go do these things to step back from time to time and say, why am I doing what I'm 00:19:22.200 |
doing? And what is the impact that I want to have going back to that meaning 00:19:26.760 |
So then you say, OK, I want to achieve a certain thing. 00:19:32.360 |
And a lot of times we don't try the harder things because we have this subconscious 00:19:37.560 |
like fear of failure or, hey, I might look bad if I try something really hard and fail. 00:19:42.240 |
Chris, I think the reframing in the brain that has to happen and to some degree 00:19:46.160 |
cultures in an organization has to say, if you fail and learn, you have just succeeded. 00:19:52.520 |
If you fail and don't learn, you've totally failed. 00:19:54.680 |
And so it's easy to celebrate what is clearly success. 00:19:58.200 |
But do we celebrate failure and learning enough in society? 00:20:01.520 |
That's where I think that we as humans who don't try the hard things tend to not 00:20:06.120 |
recognize that if we try really hard things, the people who are around are probably 00:20:11.480 |
going to celebrate the fact that we tried something really hard and we learned. 00:20:15.200 |
If they don't, then we're around the wrong people. 00:20:18.320 |
So thinking forward in a hard situation and saying, OK, really, no kidding. 00:20:23.280 |
What are the people who actually matter to me going to think if I try this and it 00:20:27.280 |
doesn't go well? Like, do spend that mental energy and you'll find out that, oh, my 00:20:31.840 |
gosh, you know what? My family and friends are going to think less of me. 00:20:34.160 |
Great. Let me go try to build a podcast with a million or 10 million followers or 00:20:40.520 |
So that I think is really important is to be comfortable. 00:20:43.680 |
I also wrote about the concepts of confidence and humility. 00:20:47.760 |
A lot of people see those as a point on a single line when in reality you have 00:20:52.040 |
confidence and humility are two different axes and you have to try to aspire to live 00:20:56.600 |
in that highly confident and highly humble quadrant because those can simultaneously 00:21:01.760 |
coexist. I believe ultimately, Chris, it's about not being worried about fear of 00:21:08.440 |
On an episode recently, we were talking about health, completely different 00:21:12.520 |
conversation, but Liz Moody, who I interviewed, said she liked manufacturing 00:21:18.240 |
And so for her, every day before she gets out of the shower, she just throws it on 00:21:22.680 |
the coldest it gets and stands there for 60 seconds because it makes her feel like 00:21:26.280 |
she did something hard and she thinks that's a good skill to have. 00:21:29.280 |
Is there anything you think in your experience that you could tell someone 00:21:34.000 |
listening that they could try today or tomorrow in their life to manufacture just 00:21:39.160 |
a little bit of discomfort, maybe that isn't a cold shower, to try to just build 00:21:44.560 |
Awesome. Yes. And I've got a couple of things to throw at you. 00:21:52.200 |
I don't care if it's one second or a minute or 10 minutes. 00:21:54.840 |
Go do it for 10 percent longer or 5 percent longer than you think you can. 00:22:01.280 |
It's funny because in SEAL training, one of the parts of the physical fitness test 00:22:05.360 |
are how many pushups can you do in two minutes? 00:22:07.040 |
And most SEALs do about 120 pushups in two minutes on average for these tests. 00:22:12.600 |
The thing is, I see some people get to 120 and then be like, OK, I'm fine and 00:22:18.720 |
But I also see people get to 100 and struggle super hard. 00:22:22.360 |
What I will tell you is that I learn more about the person in the way that they do 00:22:30.120 |
You know, whether your last pushup is your 80th or your 100th or your 120th or 00:22:34.720 |
your first or your fifth, for that matter, think about the struggle when you can't 00:22:43.800 |
I often say like, you know, SEALs, when we give us a backpack, we'll fill it and 00:22:47.920 |
then take 10 percent more than it's supposed to take. 00:22:49.880 |
Fill your life up with 5 percent more weight than you can carry. 00:22:53.520 |
So whether it's a plank and doing more minutes, meditate for 10 minutes. 00:22:59.800 |
I've got my Headspace app like we all do or Calm. 00:23:02.880 |
And for me to try to create the solace and the focus is super hard, super hard. 00:23:10.240 |
How do you plank or you meditate or your thing? 00:23:15.240 |
I like that. I have a Peloton bike and it's funny. 00:23:18.200 |
I had this DIY version of it, which was like build your own bike, get an iPad, 00:23:25.400 |
And the difference between the real one and not was very subtle. 00:23:28.520 |
And it was just tracking how much you were doing on the bike in the app. 00:23:33.640 |
And that subtle difference was what made me go and say, I can do a little bit more 00:23:38.280 |
the next time. And I can't tell you the number of times that because of that 00:23:41.920 |
one difference in feature that unfortunately costs like $1,000. 00:23:46.120 |
I get to the end and I'm like, oh, I'm within spitting distance of what I did last time. 00:23:53.840 |
But and then I get to the point that I'm like almost going to throw up to try to beat 00:23:57.320 |
my last record, which I'm sure a health expert out there will say that's maybe not the 00:24:01.000 |
best thing. But I like being in that discomfort. 00:24:03.640 |
And that's the only thing in my life that really makes it forceful to do is trying to 00:24:08.840 |
beat a record in some sort of physical activity. 00:24:13.080 |
And let me bring this to life in a different way. 00:24:15.320 |
In SEAL training, you heard me a couple of minutes ago, if I haven't lost you already in 00:24:21.600 |
What we do in training is we stretch young trainees beyond what they perceive as their 00:24:26.720 |
limit. And then we let them get comfortable again. 00:24:30.040 |
And then the next day or the next hour, we stretch them even further and then we get 00:24:34.520 |
them comfortable again. And we keep doing that over and over and over. 00:24:37.760 |
And it sounds like an exercise in stretching your limits, in learning that the human can 00:24:42.520 |
do more and more and more. That is true, but it's also not the biggest lesson from that. 00:24:47.720 |
The biggest lesson from that is when you're repetitively stretched beyond what you 00:24:51.760 |
perceive as your limits, what you realize is that they actually are not your limits. 00:24:56.800 |
And so a common trait that SEALs have is this high confidence that I described before, 00:25:01.640 |
which is every single SEAL has been in many situations where they think it's going to 00:25:09.040 |
And then what you do is you unlock the brain in a way that lets you realize there is no 00:25:14.800 |
such thing as a limit in life unless you place that limit on yourself. 00:25:18.280 |
So we go into situations actually literally unbound in our thinking. 00:25:24.040 |
So I am quite comfortable right now, which is actually true almost every day. 00:25:29.680 |
And I'm excited to be partnering with them for this episode. 00:25:32.320 |
They make performance apparel that's incredibly versatile. 00:25:35.600 |
Everything is designed to work out in, but it doesn't look or feel like it at all. 00:25:43.520 |
Seriously, I am pretty sure it's more comfortable than whatever you're wearing right 00:25:47.120 |
now, unless you're wearing Viore, in which case you already know what I mean. 00:25:55.120 |
My favorite is the Sunday Performance Joggers. 00:25:57.800 |
I think I have three pairs and they are probably the most comfortable pants I've ever 00:26:02.040 |
owned. Their products can be used for just about any activity, whether it's running, 00:26:07.600 |
They're also great for lounging, running around town, or their Metapants can even work 00:26:12.040 |
for a night out. Honestly, I think Viore is an investment in your happiness. 00:26:16.240 |
And for all the Hacks listeners, they are offering 20 percent off your first purchase, 00:26:25.080 |
So you should definitely check them out at allthehacks.com/viore or in the link in the 00:26:31.800 |
show notes. Again, go to allthehacks.com/viore and get yourself some of the most 00:26:40.240 |
comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet. 00:26:42.960 |
Getting the crew together isn't as easy as it used to be. 00:26:50.280 |
But trust me, your friends are probably desperate for a good hang. 00:26:54.040 |
So kick 2024 off right by finally hosting that event. 00:26:58.120 |
Just make sure you do it the easy way and let our sponsor Drizzly, the go-to app for 00:27:05.520 |
All you need to come up with is the excuse to get together. 00:27:10.440 |
It could be your dog's birthday, that the sun finally came out, or maybe you just want 00:27:14.960 |
to celebrate that you got through another week. 00:27:17.600 |
With Drizzly, you can make hosting easy by taking the drink run off your to-do list, 00:27:22.000 |
which means you can entice your friends to leave their houses without ever leaving 00:27:26.440 |
yours. And since I know you like a good deal, Drizzly compares prices on their massive 00:27:30.880 |
selection of beer, wine and spirits across multiple stores. 00:27:34.080 |
So when I really wanted to make a few cocktails while we were hosting family last 00:27:37.760 |
week, not only could I get an Italian Amaro delivered in less than an hour, but I found 00:27:42.440 |
it for fifteen dollars less than my local liquor store. 00:27:45.360 |
So whatever the occasion, download the Drizzly app or go to Drizzly.com. 00:27:54.000 |
Must be 21 plus, not available in all locations. 00:27:57.360 |
Is there maybe an activity or an exercise you put SEALs through in that training that 00:28:03.080 |
someone could do at home or test out and try to build that themselves? 00:28:08.360 |
It's what we described before, just pushing yourself beyond the limit. 00:28:11.760 |
Sure, there's a lot of crazy things in SEAL training. 00:28:13.560 |
You get pushed in the deep end of the pool, 14 feet deep. 00:28:15.800 |
You have your ankles and your wrists tied, your wrists are behind the back and you've 00:28:20.600 |
There's a lot of stuff that don't try at home. 00:28:22.320 |
But honestly, Chris, the great majority of SEAL training is no secret. 00:28:26.400 |
It is like just as simple as a human and his or her body weight to take yourself beyond 00:28:33.440 |
that limit. If you can't manufacture that on your own, then just get your favorite 00:28:37.240 |
fitness app and whatever it says to do, do it. 00:28:39.400 |
Don't hurt yourself, but take it to that point that you're describing. 00:28:43.280 |
I like it. I think a lot of people in the workplace, and I've put myself in this 00:28:47.840 |
situation many times, get in trouble for kind of not following the rules. 00:28:51.960 |
But you talk a little bit about how to use your instincts and how to think about rules 00:28:56.920 |
and making a practical sense of that hard choice where there's rules and you think 00:29:02.040 |
there might be consequences, but you know what's right. 00:29:04.000 |
How do you make those decisions and hone those instincts and feel free to give an 00:29:09.680 |
Absolutely. So look, if the whole world were just rule followers, we'd never advance 00:29:14.280 |
anything. You know, we would just all go follow the rules and we wouldn't have the 00:29:19.000 |
innovation and the entrepreneurship that the world needs. 00:29:22.160 |
That said, as a society, we are more productive when we together do harmonize and 00:29:28.680 |
live with laws and customs that help us build each other up and help us respect the 00:29:33.760 |
fact that we're all different. And so that's a balance that has to happen in the 00:29:41.600 |
And then what's the likely cost or harm of the action, the rule that you're going to 00:29:46.440 |
break? And then you just think it's really not more complicated than a simple cost 00:29:57.280 |
Don't cross any red lines of morals and ethics in the law. 00:30:01.120 |
As long as you're on the right side of morals and ethics in the law, go push, go 00:30:05.600 |
push. Don't be afraid to push, make great things happen. 00:30:08.360 |
It takes energy and momentum in new directions to try new things. 00:30:11.880 |
How many of us in 2000 thought we'd need to walk around with one of these smartphones 00:30:16.160 |
either, you know, pegged to our ear or being stared at 20 hours a day in our hands? 00:30:20.640 |
We couldn't imagine a world with an ecosystem of the application development that we 00:30:26.680 |
Now, what's that going to be in the next five years, 10 years, 20 years? 00:30:29.800 |
We don't know right now, but the only way we're going to figure that out is by people 00:30:33.880 |
continuing to have vision and then go after the things that pursue the dreams and the 00:30:39.400 |
It takes a combination of smart rule breaking is the way I would phrase it. 00:30:43.840 |
As a manager, I am really frustrated when people just completely ignore what, you 00:30:52.120 |
But I'm actually not frustrated when they come back and say, "Hey, actually, I heard 00:30:55.880 |
what you said, but this insight led me to think that this might be a better path." 00:31:00.800 |
Maybe it's good to flag that as early as is possible, but I do think that what you 00:31:05.160 |
said, I've seen play out in the workplace well, but it's when you don't have that 00:31:09.400 |
intention behind your deviation from the task that I think things really fall apart. 00:31:16.160 |
I've never met somebody who wakes up and says, "I'm going to go screw something up at 00:31:19.320 |
work today." You know, it's really ultimately about that drive and that determination to 00:31:28.160 |
That's great. You've said that asking for help is actually a sign of strength, not 00:31:32.120 |
weakness. I think that's, you know, a big shift in the military in recent years. 00:31:36.880 |
I know maybe 20, 30 years ago, that wouldn't have been the way people think about it. 00:31:43.360 |
How did that come about and how can we use that in our own lives? 00:31:48.840 |
I, like every SEAL of my era, have buried way too many friends. 00:31:51.760 |
I've got about 70 friends killed in action or perished during the last decades of 00:31:55.600 |
conflict. And ultimately, that's why I wrote my book. 00:31:57.600 |
I forgot to mention in the beginning that I donate every penny from Never Enough to a 00:32:02.440 |
501(c)(3) I started that pays off mortgages for Gold Star families. 00:32:05.800 |
And I think the most important thing to recognize is that when you're doing things for 00:32:09.680 |
others and you're connecting back to that mission and the meaning and the purpose, then 00:32:15.720 |
But you have to start with the outcome based thinking. 00:32:18.000 |
At the end of a six month deployment overseas, you get somebody who says, "Hey, I 00:32:21.920 |
wrote 3,000 intelligence reports." And I'm like, "That's an output." What did those 00:32:30.200 |
Or you get your logistics teams that say, "Hey, we spent 1.1 million dollars on this 00:32:36.200 |
thing." And like, "OK, great, but what did we get for that 1.1 million dollars?" The 00:32:40.520 |
number of missions that you go on are irrelevant. 00:32:44.120 |
What's relevant is the outcomes from those missions. 00:32:47.120 |
And so, Chris, I think that what we need to think about in life, and this is what I 00:32:50.320 |
think about in business, is we have a certain amount of investment dollars that we can 00:32:55.000 |
make choices with on how we spend them within our firm. 00:32:57.720 |
Where do we invest and where do we work to take the business? 00:33:05.680 |
You have to think about what's the outcome that you're after and then what's the 00:33:10.280 |
efficiency, the most efficient way to go achieve the outcome. 00:33:13.280 |
So you have to look at like a return on invested capital or an IRR, internal rate of 00:33:19.160 |
return. Not to sound too mathy, but if I have a dollar and I can turn it into a dollar 00:33:24.080 |
ten doing one thing and a dollar eleven doing another thing, go do the thing that's 00:33:29.680 |
Think about the path of least resistance there. 00:33:32.160 |
I want the person that didn't write 3,000 intelligence reports. 00:33:35.680 |
I want the person that wrote one and that one intelligence report led to the biggest 00:33:44.760 |
We find the easiest path to the goal because then after that, we have more time, more 00:33:51.040 |
effort and energy so we can go either do more missions or rest more for the next 00:33:56.880 |
But in all cases, we're always better off being as efficient as we humanly can. 00:34:00.880 |
And that's why bringing it back to the business world, when we're in a meeting, the 00:34:05.680 |
first thing that I do is say, what do we want out of this meeting? 00:34:08.560 |
We're only doing one of a couple of elemental verbs in a meeting. 00:34:12.320 |
We're either deciding something, we're teaching about something, we're informing and 00:34:17.360 |
giving people information, or we're brainstorming a problem and trying to think about 00:34:23.880 |
Maybe there's another verb or two, but those four verbs are basically the reason to 00:34:28.200 |
have a meeting. If you are not doing that, then what are you doing and why? 00:34:32.480 |
If we're just hearing people talk to hear people talk, we are wasting the company's 00:34:37.360 |
resources because we can be letting people go do work on different things. 00:34:41.680 |
So at the end of the meeting, the acid test for me, Chris, is to ask who is going to go 00:34:48.880 |
If we leave a meeting and nobody can answer that question, we didn't just need to have 00:34:52.640 |
that meeting. It's funny, I look back at all the episodes I've done. 00:34:55.800 |
I have a lot of personal beliefs about meetings. 00:34:57.600 |
And David Marquet is another former submarine commander who wrote a book. 00:35:02.920 |
And now I think my answer is if you're running a meeting in your company, the best 00:35:07.280 |
thing you can do is find anyone that's been in the military and have them run the 00:35:10.080 |
meeting, because I feel like the best meeting advice I've gotten is from people in the 00:35:17.160 |
We really waste a lot of times with meetings. 00:35:19.360 |
Can I say make one more point on this, which is a culture point, Chris, which is if we're 00:35:24.120 |
running a meeting, say you and I are in a meeting with 10 other people and somebody 00:35:27.680 |
starts talking and creating an avenue in the meeting that is not productive to the main 00:35:34.600 |
Do you cut the person off or do you let them keep going? 00:35:38.080 |
The polite thing, the easy thing is let them keep going and be like, OK, they'll be done 00:35:41.720 |
in four minutes. It'll be done in six minutes. 00:35:44.000 |
Six minutes is 10 percent of a 60 minute meeting. 00:35:46.320 |
Like, do you want to lose 10 percent of a meeting letting somebody ramble? 00:35:49.640 |
No. Like you want to cut that person off politely, of course, but that takes a certain 00:35:57.160 |
Do you have an example of how you would cut someone off politely in a meeting? 00:35:59.920 |
I think anyone listening might have that question. 00:36:01.760 |
Well, yeah, when somebody gets the real answer, let me know. 00:36:06.960 |
I've been trying to politely cut people off for years and often people, there's no way 00:36:10.560 |
around it. People are going to feel slightly overcorrected when you do that. 00:36:15.640 |
You talked a minute ago about, in essence, passive aggressive versus direct. 00:36:22.720 |
Just say what you're thinking, but do it in a respectful way. 00:36:26.000 |
I talked in Washington, D.C., when we were doing the START treaty. 00:36:29.200 |
You get all these people who, after the meeting, start wanting to grab another person 00:36:36.560 |
No, if we have something to say, let's do it at the table and out in the open because 00:36:46.600 |
It's making people feel like if we do cut them off, they know it's because we're trying 00:36:50.520 |
to be the best group that we can be and have the best meeting we can. 00:36:53.200 |
My mom's a psychologist, social worker, and used the famous sandwich technique. 00:36:59.720 |
The best answer I have is from Andy Ratcliffe, who I've had on the podcast. 00:37:03.200 |
He's run the company I work at now because I got into a lot of these situations myself 00:37:07.720 |
and people would say, "Ah, Chris is like trying to derail this thing. 00:37:11.440 |
And his advice to me was, "You need to make sure you state your intentions more." 00:37:15.480 |
So instead of interrupting someone and saying, "Hey, you're going on a little long. 00:37:22.000 |
You say, "Hey, I just want to interrupt quick. 00:37:24.200 |
I really want to make sure that this meeting can be the most productive use of 00:37:32.600 |
For me, it's shown up a lot where I say, "Look, I really want to see us go big. 00:37:37.200 |
So when I criticize this thing, it's not because I think it's bad. 00:37:41.440 |
So I didn't do that for a lot of time in my role in a few jobs. 00:37:45.600 |
And it caused a lot of friction with people because they thought, "Oh, he just 00:37:53.560 |
And the reality was I needed to make sure people knew that I'm only here to build the 00:38:00.080 |
And stating that puts everything else you say in context and saves a lot of back 00:38:08.960 |
Presume positive intent is what you're saying. 00:38:11.640 |
One of my classmates from grad school is now a leadership professor at Harvard 00:38:15.520 |
I go back and guest in his class every year, have for the last six or seven years 00:38:20.760 |
for there's a specific case that I help with. 00:38:23.680 |
I see one of my best friends on the planet be an incredible professor and see him in 00:38:28.640 |
But there was one year where this grad school student was sitting in the back of 00:38:32.000 |
the room and asked the proverbial three minute wind up of a question. 00:38:37.000 |
It's the, I want to tell you how smart I am, but really kind of pretend it's a 00:38:41.320 |
And, and so the tail end of it was some thinly veiled question. 00:38:46.760 |
And I said, you know, rather than me answering that, let me take this a 00:38:50.200 |
I said, honestly, I experienced you as a very bad question asker. 00:38:54.760 |
And so let me tell you why it wasn't succinct enough. 00:38:59.760 |
It wasn't, you know, X, Y, Z gave constructive feedback. 00:39:01.760 |
And I said, look, right now you're probably not feeling great. 00:39:04.400 |
You're probably shrinking in your chair a little bit, or you're frustrated with me 00:39:10.000 |
But let me ask you this, would you rather me share this feedback with you? 00:39:15.200 |
And then have you ask yourself like, Hey, maybe there's some something in there 00:39:18.360 |
where I can learn and grow from, or would you rather have me not say what I just 00:39:21.840 |
said and let you keep going through life as a terrible question asker? 00:39:25.120 |
Theoretically, it's really easy to understand. 00:39:31.280 |
And so you have to get over that negative feeling when somebody is 00:39:36.080 |
Now you could argue that it's maybe publicly in 110 person classroom or 00:39:43.240 |
I was trying to make a metaphorical point to 110 students in the classroom is go 00:39:47.280 |
through life, presuming positive intent from others, but when something goes 00:39:51.040 |
sideways, like no matter if you're one or 99% wrong or 100% wrong, start with 00:39:56.600 |
yourself and say, what could I have done better? 00:39:58.600 |
And then you won't miss that opportunity for growth and the principle of 00:40:01.320 |
excellence, which we talked about at the beginning. 00:40:04.800 |
I mean, you could have followed up with said, and I could have said this to you 00:40:08.240 |
You could have learned well, but aren't you glad that 109 other people get to 00:40:12.400 |
Oh, dude, I wish I would have thought of that in the moment. 00:40:14.120 |
This is a great opportunity to use your own feedback. 00:40:16.280 |
Earlier, I asked a question about asking for help. 00:40:20.000 |
So you got to work a little bit, Mike, on your skills, listening to the question 00:40:24.600 |
being asked, but I was trying to get at whether asking for help is a sign of 00:40:30.840 |
It seems like something that shifted in the military. 00:40:33.240 |
Can you talk about your perspective and, and why asking for help might be 00:40:39.080 |
First of all, your, your feedback is spot on. 00:40:43.040 |
And I already was like, gosh, how did I miss answering that? 00:40:47.080 |
My brain was in a million different spots and I simply wasn't good enough to 00:40:50.240 |
remember what you said and to answer your question directly. 00:40:54.080 |
Now, hopefully in there, people can hear the modeling for like the giving and 00:41:00.280 |
There's a meta point in there, but to answer directly now, it is a very serious 00:41:04.920 |
I grew up in the SEALs in an era where you only showed strength or perceived 00:41:10.280 |
You did not show weakness and that is not healthy. 00:41:13.240 |
After the stress of decades plus of combat to buried about 70 different 00:41:18.800 |
friends over time and everybody who's served knows somebody who has paid the 00:41:24.720 |
So the question right now is when somebody needs something, how do you make 00:41:30.600 |
them feel when they ask, do you make them feel taller or smaller? 00:41:37.000 |
If you just look at the number of people now who have died by suicide, it has 00:41:41.560 |
risen astronomically on Thursday, a couple of days ago before recording five 00:41:45.240 |
days before right now, I had a really good friend who I looked up to who was a 00:41:49.360 |
BUD/S instructor, a SEAL instructor of mine who was an incredible human being. 00:41:58.840 |
He took his own life and it really hit me hard. 00:42:02.320 |
He's a friend who I haven't talked to in a couple of years and unfortunately 00:42:06.320 |
stories like this are way too common and I beat myself up over the weekend and 00:42:10.280 |
saying, gosh, I haven't reached out to him lately. 00:42:16.040 |
I think, why was my friend not able to ask for help? 00:42:21.720 |
But I also will say the flip side of this is that to let asking the hard 00:42:27.480 |
questions be okay, I'm going to ask the hard intrusive questions from now on. 00:42:31.880 |
I've said this because I've learned from people that I haven't helped well 00:42:35.720 |
enough and now I go through life pretty comfortable saying, hey, have you ever 00:42:41.000 |
considered harm to self or how are you really doing and most Americans or 00:42:48.240 |
That's just a little quick little, hey, how's it going? 00:42:53.240 |
Like when, when we're really intrusive in people's lives, we are actually 00:42:57.400 |
listening to what we can do to make sure that their life is as good as it can be. 00:43:02.040 |
And so we have to be, celebrate being intrusive in people's lives as positive. 00:43:07.120 |
So asking for help on one side is a positive thing and being intrusive in 00:43:13.240 |
people's lives is positive 99 times out of a hundred when I say to a friend of 00:43:20.080 |
It's like, no, man, what are you asking me that for a defensive or whatever. 00:43:23.600 |
But for the one time out of a hundred, when the person says, yes, I'll take the 00:43:28.160 |
99 awkwards for the one yes, because that is a way to make sure that you get 00:43:36.120 |
I'm droning on and trying to, because I'm emphasizing the fact that the culture 00:43:40.240 |
really had to change and it has changed, but it's still not where it needs to be, 00:43:44.560 |
not just in the seals, but in the military writ large and in society writ large. 00:43:49.800 |
How do we make sure that people are as strong as they can? 00:43:53.040 |
One more thing I'll say on this is that a trick I've learned in this is to not 00:43:59.120 |
think about absolutes, think about relative in a team. 00:44:08.960 |
In a team, there are people who are always relatively up and relatively down. 00:44:13.320 |
So the people who are relatively up have to help the people who are relatively 00:44:17.640 |
down because tomorrow the roles will be reversed. 00:44:20.800 |
And so if the people who are always relatively up are helping the people 00:44:24.200 |
who are relatively down, that's how you make a team as strong as you humanly can. 00:44:29.160 |
Well, first off, I'm really sorry for your loss. 00:44:32.440 |
And I appreciate you being open and sharing like that on the show. 00:44:37.520 |
What's a way to ask those questions at work to find out where people are 00:44:43.080 |
Are there questions you ask or things you bring to a meeting to try to bring 00:44:49.280 |
If you're having a day where you're on the top. 00:44:54.520 |
And so this is a situation where it's not in the 110 person 00:45:01.320 |
And so look, I'm in an organization of 40,000 people. 00:45:04.320 |
Now I run global operations for VMware, a massively awesome 00:45:13.160 |
And so how do I help as many people as I can? 00:45:17.320 |
How do I take my seven or eight direct reports and do that with those seven 00:45:21.520 |
and eight people, and then help make sure that they're doing it with their seven 00:45:24.880 |
or eight direct reports, and then that it cascades through an organization. 00:45:28.320 |
So leadership has to model the behaviors that we want. 00:45:34.480 |
You don't always have to do everything my way. 00:45:36.160 |
That'll be unhealthy for an organization, but go achieve that goal. 00:45:39.600 |
However, it makes the most sense, but really understand what is 00:45:43.680 |
making someone either motivated or demotivated and help them have more 00:45:49.200 |
One tactic I know you mentioned in the book was going to meet just one-on-one 00:45:55.040 |
people, trying to have a conversation with people you don't know at work. 00:45:58.080 |
Can you talk a little bit about why you started doing that and what it's brought 00:46:03.280 |
Yes, specifically when I was in the White House, both 00:46:11.080 |
We can always make fun of whatever party's in or out of favor. 00:46:14.040 |
There's a lot of really great public servants who are working long, long days 00:46:19.560 |
What I have found is that it's hard to slow down when you're 00:46:24.040 |
And I made a point to just go get a lunch with somebody three times a week. 00:46:29.440 |
And it's a costly hour in the middle of the day. 00:46:32.040 |
And inevitably, Chris, when I had to peel myself away from my desk and I have a 00:46:35.720 |
million things that are needing to be done, I'd be scratching my head saying, 00:46:41.040 |
Honestly, 15 minutes into that lunch, I was not thinking about 00:46:47.480 |
And usually from either another part of the White House or an organization that 00:46:51.600 |
had something to do loosely with whatever professional goals that I 00:46:57.200 |
And what you realize is at the end of the day, when you go home at 10 o'clock, 00:47:00.000 |
you're not remembering that hour that you didn't spend at your 00:47:04.600 |
But what you do remember is the relationship and the person and what you 00:47:10.600 |
And then not ironically, over time, you develop an ecosystem of people that you 00:47:16.880 |
can call on and help make great things happen. 00:47:19.160 |
A lot of times people ask me how to think about networking. 00:47:22.600 |
My advice is that a network is not a group of people who you get something from. 00:47:28.720 |
A network is a group of people who you give something to. 00:47:31.840 |
Then in the few times in life when we really do critically need help, that 00:47:36.760 |
group of people that we've invested in, not surprisingly, is the group where we 00:47:40.840 |
get energy back from and we get help back from. 00:47:43.320 |
So a network is a group of people we invest in. 00:47:45.640 |
By investing in other people and understanding what is this colleague in 00:47:49.040 |
the other wing of the White House or the other part of my company organization 00:47:52.720 |
structure trying to achieve, well, I might be able to connect dots that that 00:47:56.880 |
person may not be able to connect him or herself. 00:48:00.000 |
And so if I can create value for somebody else in very easy ways by 00:48:03.560 |
connecting dots, then you're making your organization and then frankly, the 00:48:08.320 |
nation, if you extract it out, a lot stronger. 00:48:14.640 |
I think it's been harder, but one tactic I'll share is that it can be so hard 00:48:19.600 |
when you're on your computer working and then you have a meeting and you 00:48:22.680 |
mentioned, "Gosh, in the moment, I just have all this stuff to do. 00:48:26.120 |
Well, when you're doing a video call, sometimes it's really hard to step away. 00:48:31.520 |
So what I try to do myself is I try to force myself to put the meeting in full 00:48:36.800 |
screen and slide back from my desk a little bit. 00:48:40.000 |
So the keyboard's not quite in reach and I'm not distracted. 00:48:45.960 |
I've actually started pushing away the virtual meeting and just saying, "Can 00:48:50.880 |
Because when I'm walking, I'm not distracted by work and I'm more engaged 00:48:55.120 |
in the conversation and it seems counterintuitive to me to think, "Wow, 00:48:59.240 |
if I don't see you, I might be more engaged." 00:49:01.440 |
But when I see you, I see the alert popping up on my email. 00:49:04.760 |
I see the chat popping up on Slack or something. 00:49:07.080 |
I've been struggling with the lack of in-person meetings. 00:49:10.000 |
And I do genuinely believe those in-person meetings can be more valuable 00:49:15.160 |
But I think there are a few tactics you can use to try to make those 00:49:23.800 |
There were two tricks that somebody told me and I did a little bit of live TV. 00:49:27.200 |
You know, I was on a bunch of different channels when my book first 00:49:30.600 |
And I just took a little yellow sticky and I drew an arrow to right where I 00:49:36.040 |
needed to look for the, where the pinhole is on your camera, whatever 00:49:39.000 |
camera you use, your eye then goes like right into the camera. 00:49:42.560 |
That way you're not checking your stock prices or Instagram or 00:49:47.160 |
And then Chris, I've never said this to anybody, but I've got this 00:49:50.080 |
little sticky that says, "Be present in the meeting." 00:49:54.120 |
So as I sometimes start to reach for something else, I'm like, "No, 00:49:58.520 |
Because we're recording a conversation where I feel like 00:50:03.320 |
If I were writing my email, this would be a terrible interview, I assume. 00:50:06.040 |
I actually invested and it wasn't that expensive. 00:50:08.560 |
It was maybe a hundred dollars in a teleprompter and I have 00:50:14.760 |
So I joined this meeting from an iPad that projects your face onto a mirrored 00:50:20.040 |
So I'm not actually looking at my computer right now. 00:50:23.440 |
I'm looking at a piece of glass in front of a camera and it's allowed 00:50:27.720 |
me to really be looking at you, having a conversation, feel like it's 00:50:31.720 |
working, not feel like the, "Okay, do I look at the camera? 00:50:36.720 |
So that $100 purchase has made the presence I have in these 00:50:41.400 |
And it might seem like overkill, but if delivering meetings is part of 00:50:46.080 |
your job, things like that, things like even just buying a decent microphone. 00:50:49.960 |
I noticed a side effect of this podcast was when I went to work 00:50:56.960 |
Two people in my core team went and bought a microphone after that 00:51:00.320 |
because they were like, "Look, I want to sound present. 00:51:05.400 |
Dishes clinking in the background or whatever." 00:51:07.240 |
So there are a few tactics you can use there as well. 00:51:11.880 |
I hope we get more opportunities to spend time in person. 00:51:15.160 |
And I already, at my company, see them happening right now. 00:51:20.240 |
I'm a lot smarter when I'm on mute and I look better when the video is off. 00:51:23.080 |
You've been in a lot of situations and you talk about them in your book 00:51:28.120 |
where you're at life or death, shoot or don't shoot. 00:51:31.240 |
And I want to come back to that before we wrap and just talk about how some 00:51:35.800 |
of those really high stakes decisions you've been in, where you had to make 00:51:39.200 |
a decision in a moment, can be a lesson for people listening. 00:51:43.680 |
The most important thing in these situations, again, is figuring 00:51:49.600 |
Another spoiler alert, but there's enough good stuff in the book 00:51:52.760 |
where nothing I've said should dissuade you from picking up Never Enough. 00:51:56.760 |
The way I open Never Enough is actually a situation in 00:52:01.920 |
There was a sealed platoon that was clearing houses and the job is very simple. 00:52:07.480 |
How do you stop bad people from doing bad things to good people? 00:52:10.600 |
Well, this particular night, myself and a teammate of mine named Josh were 00:52:14.200 |
actually holding security outside the building and a man at two in the morning 00:52:18.600 |
stepped out of his house on the other side of the street and he very quickly 00:52:22.880 |
started to reach into his garb and it looked like he was potentially pulling a 00:52:28.240 |
Now, Josh and I both instantly aimed at the guy because we're not 00:52:32.440 |
going to let him shoot at us, but we were both so highly trained that we 00:52:36.080 |
were able to wait for it and pause and let life slow down. 00:52:39.320 |
And actually what he did was he pulled out an ID card to show 00:52:44.080 |
And that could have been a deadly decision to reach quickly for an ID card. 00:52:48.280 |
But fortunately, Josh and I were trained well enough where we could slow down 00:52:52.920 |
and have that confidence where we could wait a couple milliseconds to see what 00:52:58.520 |
And thank God we did because, Chris, we don't want to harm anybody that we 00:53:04.800 |
The story, seals that didn't kill someone, that's a celebration for us. 00:53:09.080 |
You know, so we're trying to make the world a better place and that's the 00:53:15.160 |
Again, we talked earlier in this conversation about training and about 00:53:20.760 |
But in these life and death situations, it really is about remaining extremely 00:53:26.160 |
calm, not letting the distracting thoughts get in your head. 00:53:30.440 |
Fear or any other negative emotions will only reduce the probability of a great 00:53:36.280 |
outcome, the best possible outcome for you and your team or your organizations. 00:53:40.440 |
It's a hard thing to do, but you can get better and better at it. 00:53:43.480 |
Ideally in training situations where it's safe, but then on game day, when you 00:53:47.720 |
really need to perform or in this particular two in the morning in the 00:53:51.000 |
streets of Fallujah in 2007, then you can perform when you have to. 00:53:56.080 |
I just want to thank you quick for listening to and supporting the show. 00:54:03.400 |
To get all of the URLs, codes, deals, and discounts from our partners, you 00:54:11.360 |
So please consider supporting those who support us. 00:54:14.760 |
I'm curious how you see the principles from Never Enough changing in a person's 00:54:19.360 |
life and do some of them become more or less important at different stages? 00:54:25.280 |
I would say that the most important thing is that principle around 00:54:30.760 |
Everybody's heard the battlefield comment where no plan survives 00:54:36.840 |
I'll tell you in my mind, my plan is already for the plan to change. 00:54:41.160 |
When you go into a situation, knowing that it's going to be dynamic, 00:54:46.320 |
So in my real job now at VMware, my job is to not help transform 00:54:53.560 |
My job is to transform our ability to transform. 00:54:57.080 |
Building that ultra agility into the organization, because none of 00:55:04.920 |
We can make smart guesses, but how do we improve our ability to 00:55:11.000 |
So I think that what I've written in Never Enough is an elastic set 00:55:14.880 |
of principles that can apply not just today, but set you up for 00:55:19.960 |
Now, I'm very thankful you wrote the book because it's actually the 00:55:24.440 |
kind of book where I've both read and referenced and taken some notes in. 00:55:28.160 |
But I actually heard you say in an interview that you wanted to not be 00:55:32.120 |
Googleable, you didn't want to be found and that writing it was out of 00:55:37.600 |
But what happened and how did you make that kind of large change to 00:55:41.120 |
You're the first person who's asked that question that way. 00:55:43.600 |
First of all, what you said is right on just I will emphasize, I tried 00:55:53.280 |
I'm probably like the one of the last comers to social media, if you 00:55:56.080 |
will, I got on Instagram because of the book. 00:55:58.760 |
And I said to myself, if I'm going to write a book, I want it to be 00:56:07.880 |
What I care about is elevating the conversation for people. 00:56:11.720 |
And then literally the profits go to the 501(c)(3) that pay off mortgages 00:56:16.680 |
I've personally, with my foundation, paid off six mortgages for widows and 00:56:21.320 |
children whose fathers paid the ultimate sacrifice. 00:56:29.440 |
And so for me, that mission to go continue to do great things for 00:56:32.920 |
others is predicated on frankly, even doing this podcast, I love talking 00:56:37.960 |
to you, but in the spirit of what we said earlier, asking for help is a 00:56:41.520 |
It isn't easy for me to go out there and say, Hey, well, everybody listening, 00:56:44.760 |
please jump on Amazon or wherever you get buy books, go buy Never Enough. 00:56:48.280 |
It's all of about 15 bucks or it's on Audible. 00:56:50.560 |
And I read the book and like asking for that kind of help is really hard for 00:56:54.720 |
me, but I've gotten used to it and out of my comfort zone. 00:56:57.600 |
The way I personally am able to square the circle there is because 00:57:02.160 |
I'm doing it to try to make a positive impact for others. 00:57:04.840 |
I've been asked for life advice so many different times that I just don't have 00:57:10.080 |
Now I can hand them my best effort at a combination of stories 00:57:14.920 |
If you're listening, you're actually helping people buying this book. 00:57:22.440 |
My wife borrowed it over the holiday a little bit ago and she enjoyed it. 00:57:27.920 |
I have one other random question, which didn't fall into the narrative of the book. 00:57:31.640 |
But you talk a lot about how when you're a SEAL, you don't sleep a lot. 00:57:36.240 |
Sometimes you might stay up for five days straight. 00:57:38.400 |
Are there any tactics that you took away from that 00:57:44.000 |
Well, Chris, I just want to first a little bit challenge 00:57:48.880 |
Being able to operate on a little bit of sleep is essential, but it's also dumb. 00:57:54.400 |
And so what we always try to do is be as rested and as strong as we possibly can. 00:57:59.920 |
We only build that skill or the ability to do that because we have to at times. 00:58:04.360 |
And as a leader in the SEALs, what you're constantly thinking about 00:58:10.880 |
It's scientifically proven, like as we diminish in our sleep, 00:58:15.720 |
And so in SEAL training, we're up for a week straight. 00:58:17.840 |
We're up from a Sunday morning to a Friday afternoon in what's called hell week. 00:58:21.400 |
You learn that you really can keep moving for literally a week straight. 00:58:24.760 |
Yes, you get like 20 minutes of sleep on like the Wednesday. 00:58:27.600 |
The instructors are like, oh, you're the best class we've ever seen. 00:58:30.160 |
We're actually going to get you let you rest for a little bit. 00:58:32.280 |
You lay down and then 20 minutes later, they wake you up with bullhorns 00:58:35.160 |
and yelling at you to go jump in the Pacific Ocean at 62 degrees or whatever it is. 00:58:38.600 |
Like these are things that you do stretch like we talked about before. 00:58:42.000 |
So we all know that we can stay up for a week straight if we have to. 00:58:45.160 |
But I don't think that operating on less sleep is something that you actually 00:58:51.920 |
I would encourage people to sleep as much as they humanly can. 00:58:54.400 |
We're about to have baby number two, so I might have to take some of the lessons 00:59:00.200 |
I think sleep's important, but appreciate you sharing. 00:59:03.240 |
Before we wrap question, I like to ask everyone is to pick a place 00:59:07.560 |
that you're familiar with and share to anyone who might end up in that city, 00:59:11.320 |
a place you think they should go, grab a meal, grab a drink 00:59:16.920 |
That's that's not the most obvious thing to do. 00:59:19.240 |
My happy place is Sonopee, New Hampshire, Lake Sonopee. 00:59:25.680 |
But we've got a place up in Sonopee, New Hampshire. 00:59:28.280 |
That's where we really go when we want to get away. 00:59:30.360 |
Beautiful little small town harbor in the fall. 00:59:35.840 |
It's the incredible swimming and harbor for seasons of fun there. 00:59:40.400 |
It's actually a little known fact that Steven Tyler is actually from Sonopee, 00:59:45.400 |
But other than Steven Tyler, there's not a lot of glitz and glam 00:59:51.520 |
Chris, any place you'd say if someone's up there to. 00:59:56.720 |
The Anchorage is a great place right in the harbor. 01:00:06.200 |
Where can people stay in touch with everything you're working on 01:00:10.520 |
First and foremost, I'm loving helping transform VMware. 01:00:13.440 |
But like many of us, we have a million things that we're doing in life. 01:00:16.920 |
And one of mine is being on the board of the National Medal of Honor Museum, 01:00:24.080 |
We're building a new museum outside of AT&T and Stadium and in Dallas, Texas. 01:00:27.920 |
And one of the things that I will do in the coming 01:00:31.120 |
couple of months is to start a podcast with a lifelong friend of mine 01:00:34.320 |
who is one of the nation's 66 living Medal of Honor recipients. 01:00:38.120 |
His name is Britt Slabinski, affectionately Slab. 01:00:42.880 |
We've got incredible people, lots of ex-presidents on the advisory board 01:00:46.680 |
for the museum, people that I just am super excited to bring to life 01:00:50.960 |
via a podcast associated with the Medal of Honor Museum. 01:01:00.800 |
In the coming months, be bringing more and more Medal of Honor Museum 01:01:05.160 |
So love for people to follow and start getting at the front of the line. 01:01:07.880 |
We will link to both those in the show notes. 01:01:11.800 |
Is that something people can read more about or is it kind of a private foundation? 01:01:17.760 |
But I will tell you, we have no full time employees. 01:01:21.200 |
And the best help that people can give is help. 01:01:26.920 |
All of those profits are going to gold star families. 01:01:29.480 |
So I think the easiest ask and the best way to help is to get a copy 01:01:33.400 |
or a couple of copies of Never Enough for your family and friends 01:01:35.760 |
and people whose lives you want to positively influence. 01:01:44.160 |
Now, thank you, my friend, and appreciate all that you're doing 01:01:53.840 |
If you haven't already left a rating and a review for the show 01:01:56.680 |
in Apple podcasts or Spotify, I would really appreciate it. 01:02:00.120 |
And if you have any feedback on the show, questions for me or just want to say hi, 01:02:04.120 |
I'm Chris at all the hacks dot com or at Hutchins on Twitter.