Johnny Manziel and Michael Porter Jr. Discuss Heartbreak and Moving Forward // Curious Mike
00:00:00.040 | - Wait, bro, you keep your women's shit more private,
00:00:04.440 | but you rushed into a marriage, didn't you?
00:00:06.780 | - Yeah, I did.
00:00:08.180 | - Do you ever talk about that?
00:00:09.060 | My bad if you don't.
00:00:09.900 | - No, no, I've spoken about it in the past.
00:00:11.820 | Like, you know, three months, four months of dating Paris
00:00:16.820 | for a Drake show, proposed, did the whole thing.
00:00:19.940 | And I think I have so much, like, you know,
00:00:22.480 | love and appreciation for how she was with me,
00:00:24.960 | how much she helped me get to a place
00:00:26.680 | and see who I really am as a person
00:00:28.420 | and get me off that crazy train.
00:00:30.580 | And in reality, you know, I wasn't just grown up
00:00:33.720 | and adult enough to handle what comes with that.
00:00:37.180 | And I fucked it up and, you know, took years and years
00:00:40.220 | to be able to get to a place where, you know,
00:00:42.340 | we don't speak very often anymore,
00:00:44.220 | but it's nothing but love.
00:00:46.060 | I wish her the best.
00:00:47.140 | I want her to be happy in life.
00:00:49.000 | And like, it wasn't ever going to work out.
00:00:50.680 | - How long was the marriage?
00:00:51.820 | - Maybe like a year and a half.
00:00:53.300 | But for me, like where I'm at now,
00:00:57.940 | are you not ready to get married?
00:00:59.480 | - I was married.
00:01:00.900 | - What?
00:01:02.540 | - Just, that marriage just ended recently.
00:01:04.160 | - To the game or what?
00:01:05.500 | - That marriage just ended recently, dog.
00:01:08.480 | - Yeah, bro, I'm at the point now--
00:01:09.360 | - How do you give him some advice?
00:01:10.360 | He's going through it, bro.
00:01:11.200 | - I mean, fuck, bro.
00:01:12.040 | I'm at the point now where like, when I fall into love
00:01:14.640 | and I get into these relationships,
00:01:16.240 | like the heartbreak of ending and who I turn into
00:01:20.020 | when it ends is like world ending for me
00:01:22.280 | and world shattering, especially when I find somebody
00:01:25.280 | who is my best friend, who I do care about so much.
00:01:27.500 | - That's the hardest part right there.
00:01:28.240 | - And when it ends for me, I crumble.
00:01:30.500 | Like I turn into a mute.
00:01:32.720 | I hold myself up in my room for weeks and months at a time.
00:01:37.280 | And I almost like lose in my brain, like how to even be myself
00:01:41.660 | or be a real person.
00:01:42.620 | So like right now, it's very shaky thing for me
00:01:45.920 | and something that I want to steer clear from
00:01:47.840 | to the point where like, man, even when I'm on tour
00:01:50.500 | and you go to a party and there's 200 girls there
00:01:53.380 | and 30 or 40 of the boys, like I'm not interested
00:01:56.380 | really in the chase.
00:01:57.580 | Like, well, I've talked to some people here and there
00:02:00.580 | and like have a fun night every now and then.
00:02:02.940 | But like, I'm not in that dog era, dog mentality anymore.
00:02:06.640 | Like I want to be around my friends.
00:02:07.940 | - How did he get over that?
00:02:09.140 | - Me and him got over it.
00:02:10.940 | - I mean, I think- - You got over it?
00:02:12.380 | - I think more than anything, I think more than anything, bro.
00:02:15.640 | - You are the biggest capper ever.
00:02:17.140 | - It takes time, right?
00:02:18.340 | It takes time and like, you know, I really didn't get over it
00:02:22.440 | until I got around Drake and the boys and the crew,
00:02:25.860 | which for me, I have to go to a place where I know
00:02:29.620 | I'm the safest, I know I'm the happiest.
00:02:32.100 | - How the fuck did that get you out of being a dog?
00:02:34.640 | - I mean, not necessarily.
00:02:35.660 | Like I just, when you get into a relationship
00:02:38.340 | and you see what a vibe is with somebody
00:02:40.260 | and what the end goal of the game- - Oh, so being with Drake
00:02:42.520 | and then how does that make you want to be a dog anymore?
00:02:44.720 | - I mean, 'cause I just don't care to do it, bro.
00:02:46.440 | When you catch a vibe with somebody
00:02:47.680 | and you're in a relationship with somebody
00:02:49.140 | and you see and have a future trip or a future vision
00:02:52.860 | of what you want your life to be
00:02:54.340 | and see a piece of yourself in the future.
00:02:56.080 | Like, I think we all want kids eventually.
00:02:58.060 | I think we all want family eventually.
00:02:59.660 | You're not running.
00:03:00.640 | You see these guys running around in the streets
00:03:02.420 | till they're 45, 50 years old.
00:03:04.240 | That's not a life that looks enticing to me.
00:03:06.380 | - That part is scary.
00:03:07.580 | So you obviously deal with heartbreaks tough.
00:03:10.700 | Like you said, you hole up in the room.
00:03:12.540 | How long does it take for you
00:03:14.000 | to like feel like a full like person?
00:03:16.920 | - Bro, this last one was the toughest one
00:03:19.800 | I've ever dealt with.
00:03:21.100 | You know, still even having shutters
00:03:23.800 | and instances at times where I'm still dealing with it.
00:03:26.140 | And you know, I think for me, like I said,
00:03:29.280 | I had to go to, I had to go sit at this high for five days
00:03:33.340 | and like sit in the places that I know to my core
00:03:36.580 | make me the happiest.
00:03:37.960 | I had to go to Toronto and go to Drake's
00:03:40.260 | and to hang out and sit in the studio
00:03:42.100 | and listen to music and go to one of their parties
00:03:44.560 | where they're playing nothing but old Drake slappers
00:03:46.780 | and things that I would do when I was in my dorm room
00:03:49.340 | in college.
00:03:50.180 | I have to call my sister every day.
00:03:52.180 | I have to call my mom and my dad and tap into my family
00:03:55.180 | and like really slowly find a way to try and get it,
00:03:59.060 | you know, out of my head.
00:04:00.100 | And I think there's certain points in time
00:04:01.720 | where I have to go really hard drinking
00:04:05.900 | and fucking around to get my mind off it.
00:04:08.940 | And slowly but surely as I'm around good people
00:04:11.180 | and I'm around the right people,
00:04:12.860 | my perspective starts to shift
00:04:14.500 | and I realize really deep down
00:04:16.360 | that as much as that did mean to me,
00:04:18.660 | there are other things in my world and in my life
00:04:20.840 | that have meant as much or more to me that like the music,
00:04:25.560 | right, with Drake.
00:04:27.060 | Like I would not go to sleep when an album would drop.
00:04:29.560 | I would sit in my dorm room and memorize every word
00:04:32.020 | and write it down on a piece of paper
00:04:33.900 | until I knew every song of the whole album.
00:04:36.560 | - Do you feel like--
00:04:37.680 | - Wait, how are you doing?
00:04:38.520 | Are you doing okay with your heartbreak?
00:04:40.600 | - Yeah, man.
00:04:43.120 | - You okay?
00:04:43.960 | - I'm doing okay.
00:04:44.800 | - How do you handle it?
00:04:45.640 | He goes to Drake's house, goes to the studio.
00:04:48.680 | - I go to the gym, dog.
00:04:50.100 | I go lift some weights.
00:04:51.180 | - Yes, sir.
00:04:52.020 | - Go get some shots up.
00:04:52.860 | - On your end, you kick it.
00:04:53.780 | - Hang out with my dog.
00:04:54.620 | - Yes, sir.
00:04:55.460 | - Kick it.
00:04:56.400 | Do you, is the relationships ending
00:04:58.940 | because you are breaking up with this girl
00:05:00.780 | or she's catching you do some wild stuff and she's in?
00:05:02.880 | 'Cause I feel like if you,
00:05:04.540 | if you break up with a girl,
00:05:06.000 | that means you're pretty much over it.
00:05:07.240 | But if she breaks up with you
00:05:08.920 | or catches you doing some wild stuff
00:05:10.580 | and she breaks up with you,
00:05:11.920 | that's when it can be like tough.
00:05:13.940 | - Oh, that's different.
00:05:14.840 | If he breaks up with you, that's gotta hurt you.
00:05:16.380 | - Are you in these relationships?
00:05:17.980 | - No, no, I'm really not.
00:05:19.360 | I haven't been very much of the past
00:05:20.740 | of like an ender of the relationship very much.
00:05:22.900 | Like when I go after somebody
00:05:24.600 | and I get in a relationship with somebody,
00:05:26.260 | like I'm in it for the long haul
00:05:27.820 | and it's what I want and I know it's what I want.
00:05:29.760 | But like, you know, I think for me in my life,
00:05:32.180 | throughout times, like especially last year,
00:05:34.360 | like, you know, as I'm getting back into the public eye
00:05:37.400 | and I'm doing the podcast and I'm doing more interviews
00:05:40.020 | and the Netflix stuff and everything I've done,
00:05:42.700 | you know, it brings a lot of daily interaction
00:05:45.220 | with certain people that are usually all positive.
00:05:47.540 | But for sometimes for me, like I look back on everything
00:05:50.580 | with an immense amount of like shame and like, damn,
00:05:53.040 | I'm sitting there on Sundays watching Lamar
00:05:55.580 | and like all these guys that I've played with
00:05:58.160 | and against and stuff and I'm seeing what could have been
00:06:01.460 | if I would have been in a different place.
00:06:03.240 | So I think for me, like last year, like I think I just ride
00:06:06.540 | through a wave of depression at times.
00:06:08.200 | And when that wave comes, I'm not myself.
00:06:11.120 | Like I'm not the fun flowing, energy filled, talk shit,
00:06:15.000 | have fun kind of guy.
00:06:16.700 | And it puts me in a little bit of a hole.
00:06:18.760 | And for me, that comes with sitting on the couch,
00:06:21.320 | staying at home more, don't really want to leave
00:06:23.440 | or go out or go to dinner.
00:06:24.760 | And like, you know, this relaxed relationship,
00:06:26.860 | I was the happiest I could have ever been
00:06:29.940 | just being with her and vibing at the house
00:06:31.860 | or just doing things solo one-on-one.
00:06:34.060 | - Why'd she break up with you?
00:06:35.480 | - I mean, because I feel like I was just,
00:06:38.520 | I wasn't myself, right?
00:06:39.680 | I wasn't taking care of the relationship
00:06:41.760 | the way that I should, wasn't taking care of myself
00:06:44.480 | the way that I should.
00:06:45.600 | - Don't you feel like a good woman
00:06:46.740 | when you're in those places of like not being yourself,
00:06:50.120 | they should be able to see that
00:06:51.160 | and try to help you work through that.
00:06:52.380 | - And that's a lot of it too, right?
00:06:53.920 | I think it got to a point where she was like,
00:06:55.620 | yo, I'm giving you everything I have.
00:06:57.400 | I'm giving you unconditional love.
00:06:59.100 | I'm giving you everything that I possibly can,
00:07:02.040 | chances and chances to try and like, yo, snap out of this,
00:07:04.900 | be yourself, be the person that I fell in love with.
00:07:07.400 | And for me, it was just like really stuck.
00:07:09.560 | And like, you know,
00:07:10.800 | my mind and energy and effort was like all focused on it.
00:07:13.840 | I'm aware that it's going on,
00:07:15.600 | but like I couldn't get myself out of it.
00:07:17.740 | And, you know, tough man, tough.
00:07:22.180 | You know, this is a person I definitely saw and envisioned
00:07:24.360 | spending a lot in the rest of my life with.
00:07:26.780 | And, you know, I look back at it now
00:07:28.640 | and it's taken me a lot of time and perspective shift
00:07:31.400 | to just be like, you know what?
00:07:33.100 | At the end of the day.
00:07:34.340 | You could call me five years down the road and be like, yo, I miss you.
00:07:37.980 | I love you.
00:07:38.980 | Let's try and make this work again.
00:07:40.340 | And I would drop everything in my life for everything that I was doing to be able to do that.
00:07:44.120 | Tell her you're in a better place.
00:07:45.340 | You might as well.
00:07:46.340 | I mean, bro, I want her to be happy, right?
00:07:49.220 | And whatever she's doing in her life and whatever she's doing,
00:07:51.820 | I wish the best for her.
00:07:52.880 | If it's happy with somebody else or happy being on her own or whatever it is,
00:07:57.120 | like I'll always be there in any way that I can be and doing whatever I can be.
00:08:01.580 | But, you know, I don't want to sit and squeeze my way into a situation
00:08:08.680 | or try and make things messy because, you know, if it's meant to be, it'll come back, right?
00:08:14.080 | If it's not, it's the most love for me ever.
00:08:17.360 | And I don't think I handled things the right way whenever things ended.
00:08:20.260 | I think I really pressed and tried to make it work and, like, you know,
00:08:24.180 | just kind of lost my marbles a little bit to the point of where I would have done anything to make it work.
00:08:29.800 | And maybe it wasn't meant to be at that time.
00:08:31.840 | So, you know, for now, I have other things to focus on
00:08:35.080 | and other things to try and do to keep my mind off it
00:08:37.540 | and to just try and just keep going.