How Can I Take a Deep Approach to Networking?

00:00:00.000 | [MUSIC PLAYING]

00:00:04.840 | Our first question comes from Sajranalio,

00:00:08.800 | who asks, how do you apply deliberate practice

00:00:12.560 | and deep work to socializing?

00:00:16.960 | He goes on to elaborate, I'm currently a young architect

00:00:19.720 | working for a recognized construction firm.

00:00:21.580 | Although I enjoy my job and I'm good at it,

00:00:23.380 | I have plans to start my own firm in the near future.

00:00:27.880 | I have some clients now, and I currently work some hours

00:00:31.080 | outside my main job.

00:00:32.160 | The biggest constraint that I have

00:00:33.580 | is that my network is very small.

00:00:35.520 | I have very few contacts, friends, or potential clients,

00:00:37.860 | and this isolation is aggravated by my Asperger syndrome.

00:00:41.960 | How would you apply deep work and deliberate practice

00:00:44.080 | to learn to socialize, create networks, and clients?

00:00:48.000 | All right, it's a good question.

00:00:49.320 | I think networking/social life are two good topics that

00:00:53.360 | are related to cover.

00:00:55.280 | I just want to do a quick wording tweak here.

00:00:58.760 | So you say the phrase, how do I apply deep work

00:01:02.040 | to learning to socialize, create networks, and clients?

00:01:05.440 | Let's be very specific about how we actually

00:01:07.360 | use the term deep work.

00:01:09.560 | All deep work means is that you're

00:01:11.680 | doing something in the absence of context switching.

00:01:15.680 | So you're giving something your full attention,

00:01:18.200 | trying to do it at a high cognitive level.

00:01:20.880 | So probably the right word here you also

00:01:23.120 | gave is deliberate practice.

00:01:24.320 | Maybe that's better.

00:01:25.400 | That's a verb.

00:01:27.240 | Deep work is a type of work without distraction

00:01:29.120 | with concentration.

00:01:30.340 | Deliberate practice is what you're really talking about here

00:01:32.760 | is how do I systematically improve.

00:01:34.640 | That's the verb that's relevant here.

00:01:36.180 | How do I systematically improve at this?

00:01:38.600 | Well, when it comes to networking,

00:01:40.000 | professional networking, that's not my specialty.

00:01:42.960 | There's a lot of books that have been written about networking.

00:01:45.600 | But the one thing I will say, the one Cal Newport take

00:01:48.960 | I'll give on networking is in almost every circumstance,

00:01:54.680 | the thing that matters more than anything else in finding

00:01:57.520 | new clients and attracting new opportunities

00:02:00.560 | is being really good.

00:02:03.760 | In a lot of fields, there's a lot

00:02:05.480 | of people with a lot of different personalities, some

00:02:07.680 | of whom are not very sociable at all,

00:02:10.720 | that you wouldn't really want to spend much time around.

00:02:13.640 | But they do what they do really well.

00:02:16.860 | Everything opens up from that.

00:02:18.600 | You become so good you can't be ignored.

00:02:21.240 | Clients find you because they've seen the work you did.

00:02:24.080 | You get referred because you're so good.

00:02:26.360 | That snowballs on itself.

00:02:28.080 | I actually talk about this in my book,

00:02:30.200 | How to Become a High School Superstar.

00:02:31.800 | It's known as the Matthew effect.

00:02:33.760 | So as you start doing things that are good,

00:02:36.680 | more good things follows.

00:02:38.160 | The whole thing snowballs.

00:02:40.040 | So those who have get more.

00:02:42.200 | That's the paraphrase of the Matthew effect.

00:02:44.160 | It definitely happens in the professional circumstance.

00:02:46.440 | I don't want you necessarily worrying too much

00:02:50.000 | that you're not a glad-handing, at-the-golf-club,

00:02:53.440 | shaking-hands, slapping-people-on-the-back

00:02:55.800 | type socializer.

00:02:57.960 | It's probably not necessary for what you need to do.

00:03:00.560 | What's necessary for what you want to do is to crush the work.

00:03:05.000 | It's fantastic, incredibly high quality.

00:03:07.360 | You keep pushing your skills.

00:03:09.200 | Good things will follow from that.

00:03:10.600 | So I just want to take some burden off of you.

00:03:13.280 | Another related question-- you didn't ask,

00:03:15.080 | but a lot of people do--

00:03:17.360 | how do I get better at socializing non-professionally?

00:03:21.760 | And there, my advice typically is,

00:03:23.680 | do not approach your non-professional socializing

00:03:27.600 | with the same systematic fervor that we often

00:03:30.320 | approach professional issues on the show.

00:03:32.560 | It shows through.

00:03:34.760 | It shows through if you have a chalkboard somewhere

00:03:38.720 | in your apartment where you have different people's names on it

00:03:41.840 | and you're trying to add up your average active monthly user

00:03:46.160 | interaction minutes and trying to hit a median target.

00:03:50.080 | That kind of shows through in the way you interact,

00:03:52.600 | and people don't like it.

00:03:53.640 | So when it comes to just socializing,

00:03:55.240 | I think the most important thing you can do

00:03:57.020 | is take to heart the chapter on conversation versus connection

00:04:03.520 | in my book, Digital Minimalism, which

00:04:06.480 | says real-world interaction, being with someone,

00:04:11.200 | sacrificing non-trivial time and attention

00:04:13.360 | on behalf of someone else that's important to you.

00:04:16.320 | This is foundational for human flourishing,

00:04:19.080 | and you should just be trying to do that.

00:04:21.240 | And if you're not doing a lot of it, try to do more.

00:04:23.920 | It's like exercise.

00:04:24.800 | It's like eating healthy.

00:04:25.800 | It's almost like oxygen. So just have

00:04:27.480 | a general appreciation of real sacrifice requiring interaction

00:04:34.080 | and time spent with other people.

00:04:35.480 | It's something you just feel you want to do

00:04:37.240 | and you feel uncomfortable when you don't.

00:04:38.800 | Everything else will work itself out.

00:04:40.000 | So that's how I would handle the personal side.

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00:04:46.280 | (upbeat music)

How Can I Take a Deep Approach to Networking?

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