Must My Wedding Be in a Church?
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | A podcast listener named Nora writes in to ask this,
00:00:07.440 | "Pastor John, I am originally from Ghana
00:00:10.220 | "and currently living in Dubai, and I listen to APJ.
00:00:13.820 | "In most parts of Africa and even in Ghana,
00:00:16.320 | "the traditional marriage rite,
00:00:17.960 | "where the family formally acknowledges the marriage,
00:00:21.360 | "is held above the legal or church rites.
00:00:24.980 | "Is it okay for a Christian couple to decide
00:00:26.880 | "to not also have a church ceremony?
00:00:29.840 | "Does God recognize this as marriage if we don't?"
00:00:33.660 | What do you say, Pastor John?
00:00:35.680 | - I don't know the cultural tradition she's talking about,
00:00:40.080 | so it's dangerous for me to comment on with any specificity,
00:00:44.940 | but there are principles that might help.
00:00:47.540 | The same question has arisen here in the States.
00:00:51.800 | When I was in school 40 years ago,
00:00:55.120 | there were people who said,
00:00:56.660 | "Who needs a piece of paper marriage license?
00:00:59.100 | "Who needs a ring?
00:01:00.240 | "Who needs a ceremony?
00:01:01.620 | "God's the only one that matters, not man."
00:01:04.560 | And I suppose in every culture,
00:01:07.680 | there are forms and customs and traditions
00:01:11.120 | that have been developed to signify publicly
00:01:14.960 | who's married and who's not.
00:01:16.920 | So virtually all cultures, it seems to me,
00:01:20.080 | there may be some exceptions that I don't know about,
00:01:22.880 | virtually all cultures have thought it important
00:01:27.960 | for the functioning of the family life
00:01:29.920 | and the protection of women and children
00:01:31.600 | and the civic order and the social stability
00:01:35.160 | that there be public ways of confirming
00:01:39.760 | the difference between marriage
00:01:42.200 | and serial sexual liaisons that some people have.
00:01:46.600 | The Bible doesn't dictate what those cultural forms
00:01:51.840 | and customs and traditions are
00:01:55.220 | that establish public recognition
00:01:58.940 | that two people have entered a lifelong marriage covenant
00:02:02.820 | with each other before God.
00:02:05.180 | But it is assumed in the Bible
00:02:07.700 | that there is a public recognition
00:02:09.820 | of who is married and who is not.
00:02:12.700 | And it's not a merely private act,
00:02:14.780 | it's not private to the government,
00:02:16.260 | it's not private to the church, it's public.
00:02:19.820 | And if a couple is indifferent to the customs
00:02:24.740 | of a culture that make plain that they're married,
00:02:28.380 | this shows that they don't mind giving people
00:02:32.540 | the wrong impression that they may be living together
00:02:35.700 | and not married.
00:02:36.660 | They ought to care about that,
00:02:38.020 | really care about it 'cause it's biblical.
00:02:40.740 | That would be a sinful and selfish attitude to say,
00:02:43.860 | I don't care about these cultural norms
00:02:46.120 | that tell everybody we're married or not married.
00:02:48.840 | Well, you should care about them
00:02:50.420 | even though they're not dictated in the Bible
00:02:52.300 | because the reality of marriage matters.
00:02:56.300 | In other words, Christians will want
00:03:00.160 | to use whatever cultural means there are
00:03:04.540 | to make plain that they have entered
00:03:07.500 | a lifelong marriage covenant.
00:03:10.800 | And the cultural means may vary,
00:03:12.880 | but the principle is the same.
00:03:14.460 | Be open, be public about the importance
00:03:17.460 | of your marriage relationship being recognized
00:03:19.940 | as such culturally and legally.
00:03:21.940 | That means that God looks upon marriage,
00:03:27.340 | not merely as a cultural form,
00:03:29.420 | like gotta go to a judge or gotta go to a pastor
00:03:31.980 | or gotta go to a chief or a priest.
00:03:34.060 | That's not of the essence.
00:03:35.520 | What God looks upon is the covenant established
00:03:39.220 | by the man and the woman who make solemn promises
00:03:42.860 | to each other.
00:03:43.820 | So the bottom line is, no, you don't have to be married
00:03:47.140 | in a church ceremony in order to be truly married.
00:03:50.660 | That decision could be made on the basis
00:03:52.580 | of how best to testify to your friends and family
00:03:56.220 | what you really believe about marriage.
00:03:58.340 | But you do need to care about adapting
00:04:01.100 | whatever cultural forms are necessary
00:04:03.900 | to make sure that publicly in church, in society,
00:04:07.620 | people know you've entered into that kind of covenant.
00:04:11.020 | - Very good, thank you, Pastor John.
00:04:12.620 | And we have talked about weddings before
00:04:14.700 | back in episode number 364.
00:04:17.060 | I asked, "Are wedding rings a waste of money?"
00:04:20.220 | And then in episode number 336,
00:04:21.940 | we talked about when past sexual sins
00:04:24.260 | haunt your wedding day.
00:04:25.900 | Be sure to check out those episodes
00:04:27.380 | in the Ask Pastor John app for the Apple and Android devices.
00:04:30.860 | Once you have the app, you can browse
00:04:32.540 | and search all the episodes
00:04:34.060 | and easily find episodes number 364 and 336.
00:04:39.060 | Speaking of marriage, we have an email from a young woman
00:04:41.300 | who writes in to ask whether or not sexual attraction
00:04:44.180 | is an essential component for marriage.
00:04:47.060 | We'll talk about that tomorrow.
00:04:48.060 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.
00:04:48.900 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.
00:04:51.560 | (mouse clicking)
00:04:54.320 | (mouse clicking)
00:04:57.080 | [BLANK_AUDIO]