How to Build Confidence & Self Respect | DJ Shipley & Dr. Andrew Huberman

00:00:00.000 | Most people take their feelings seriously.

00:00:05.840 | They take their responses to what's going on in their life seriously.

00:00:10.260 | You know, at the center of our consciousness, a previous guest said, you know, is our ego,

00:00:15.240 | the us, the me, that we're all like that to some extent.

00:00:18.620 | But taking oneself seriously as a form of self-respect and building up one's ability

00:00:28.220 | to support others and to do important things for other people in our life,

00:00:32.420 | our family and for the world, is so key.

00:00:34.980 | And I feel like taking oneself seriously is the cornerstone of everything I've heard you say today

00:00:40.340 | and everything you're doing.

00:00:41.800 | That it's not taking a feeling in a moment seriously.

00:00:46.720 | In fact, sometimes it's about doing that and sometimes it's about going, no,

00:00:50.580 | I'm going to push that aside now, I'm going to brush my teeth, I'm going to lean into that,

00:00:53.040 | I'm going to not do what I prefer to do in the moment so that I can really show up.

00:00:57.420 | But that we need to take ourselves seriously.

00:01:00.440 | You do.

00:01:01.140 | You have to.

00:01:02.540 | And I have this big thing I do.

00:01:05.200 | I begin to ask to do a lot of motivational speaking lately and a lot of that.

00:01:08.440 | And I tell this story about a kid that grows up to want to be a fireman

00:01:11.060 | and how he got inspired by a fireman.

00:01:13.500 | Because that guy was a physical representation of what that kid thought a fireman would be.

00:01:19.300 | Looked apart, acted apart.

00:01:20.800 | He's heroic.

00:01:21.440 | He might as well put a red cape on this kid and sent him through the door.

00:01:24.300 | I mean, that's what it is.

00:01:25.900 | But that's you representing everything you think a fireman should be.

00:01:29.880 | Not just what you say, what you wear, how you speak.

00:01:32.580 | Do everything.

00:01:33.180 | So for me, anybody who I meet, I'm giving you both barrels right now because I'm trying to live

00:01:39.460 | the actual life that I think I should be living that translates all the positive stuff I'm trying to put out.

00:01:46.280 | If you saw me and I was 50 pounds overweight at a bar, drinking my 12th beer, talking about mental health, you wouldn't take me serious.

00:01:54.140 | Talking about how you were a Navy SEAL back when.

00:01:56.940 | That does nothing for them.

00:01:58.320 | Yeah.

00:01:58.620 | It's like, that's not how I identify.

00:02:00.400 | Yeah, I did that job.

00:02:01.520 | And yeah, you think that gives me credibility.

00:02:03.120 | I don't care about that a bit.

00:02:04.300 | That doesn't give me credibility.

00:02:05.340 | The way I live my life now, my daily routine gives me the credibility.

00:02:09.040 | Because no matter who you are, you can adopt that same lifestyle, that same routine.

00:02:12.320 | You can grab it as a housewife.

00:02:13.440 | You can wake up early and go out and do a 20-minute walk every single morning before your kids wake up.

00:02:18.700 | You're just refusing to do it.

00:02:20.140 | I don't know why, but I promise you, if every single person ever watches this, you wake up and do a 20-minute walk in the morning and one after dinner,

00:02:27.500 | and you do it for seven days, on the eighth day, the world doesn't fall apart.

00:02:31.180 | It only gets better the more you do it.

00:02:33.660 | It just will.

00:02:34.420 | People just don't want to put in the work.

00:02:35.840 | They want this quick fix.

00:02:36.760 | They want Ozempic.

00:02:37.520 | They want this.

00:02:38.500 | Or they're saying, and I hear this, and it's trickier for me because I'm late to the game on kids and family, but mark my words.

00:02:48.380 | But in your case, you've already had kids.

00:02:51.920 | You got a wife.

00:02:53.760 | You have a functioning family and a very busy, demanding career and a previous career that carries with it incredible experiences,

00:03:01.200 | but also challenges that you're resolving now and you've resolved, and you have a mission in the world.

00:03:06.760 | And so a lot of times I'll hear people say, well, that's easy for you to say because you don't have kids, and I'm kind of muted at that moment.

00:03:15.100 | And I want to respond and say, listen, when I was a graduate student, I worked 100 hours a week, but I was in my 20s and I didn't have kids.

00:03:24.060 | So I have very little ammunition there.

00:03:25.940 | In your case, however, you have kids, and you're getting up and you're doing two 20-minute walks, and you're including your family in these practices, too.

00:03:34.320 | You said your evening walks with your wife are a crucial part of your connection.

00:03:37.420 | If anyone is struggling with building that bridge, especially guys transition out of the military or career, you watch it with Tom Brady and everybody else.

00:03:45.800 | When they leave the thing they were put on this earth to do, there is a fall from grace that can be ignored.

00:03:50.040 | And most of the time, that splits with the wife, right?

00:03:53.420 | Like the person you are now, she's not used to being home, and now you don't have anything.

00:03:56.820 | If you are struggling to rebuild that connection with your wife, with your partner, that 20-minute walk has saved my marriage.

00:04:03.760 | I have given it to thousands of people.

00:04:05.420 | That right there, if I could give everybody a gift, the power of that 20-minute walk.

00:04:09.880 | It's changed my whole life, man.

00:04:11.640 | That is the one constant thing I don't compromise on.

00:04:14.500 | I mean, even to the point where, as dumb as it may be, when I'm walking through the Atlanta airport, I don't get on the little conveyor belt.

00:04:21.420 | I'm not doing that.

00:04:22.700 | I'll walk from Terminal E all the way to Terminal A because it's a 20-minute power push.

00:04:26.400 | I do it, and I film it on social media.

00:04:28.560 | I'm getting my steps in no matter what.

00:04:30.820 | I'm not on my phone.

00:04:32.100 | I'm showing you you can find the time.

00:04:33.820 | Instead of sitting there at Starbucks for 45 minutes waiting on my flight, I'll just walk back and forth.

00:04:37.880 | I just got a 40-minute walk in straight.

00:04:39.780 | I'm good.

00:04:40.480 | So when I get back home, it's 2.30 in the morning.

00:04:42.700 | I don't feel guilty.

00:04:43.540 | I haven't done anything physical today.

00:04:44.980 | I wake up in the morning, 5 a.m., and I gear it up, and I spin it again.

00:04:48.020 | You can find the time.

00:04:52.120 | Rarely.

00:04:52.440 | You have to make the time.

00:04:53.700 | If you're waiting for it just to pop up and be like, oh, here's a free 20-minute block, you're not going to have it.

00:04:58.280 | And people just, that's the thing I can't get past.

00:05:01.580 | Like, oh, you know, I can't wake up that early.

00:05:04.780 | You have a $1,000 smartphone that does anything.

00:05:07.540 | There's not a question you can ask it it doesn't have the answer to, and there's a clock on it.

00:05:12.500 | If you set it, it'll go off.

00:05:14.520 | When it goes off, get out of bed.

00:05:15.840 | Like, I've been doing it my whole life.

00:05:18.060 | I don't understand it.

00:05:18.920 | They just don't want to.

00:05:19.960 | They've never felt the power of being in control of the small things.

00:05:23.180 | Why stack it up to micro winds?

00:05:25.260 | Lay out your clothes the night before.

00:05:26.480 | I mean, how many people wake up, you know, 20 minutes before they're supposed to leave the door and they're just frantic, like, where's my black shirt?

00:05:32.000 | Where's my black shirt?

00:05:32.780 | Where are my shoes?

00:05:34.320 | Where are my car keys?

00:05:35.080 | It's like, that's a terrible way to start the day, but you're the one who's doing that.

00:05:38.220 | If you just spend 10 minutes the night before, take your shower, lay out the clothes, put them in the logical order you're about to get them dressed in the next morning and go, you'd be surprised how fast you're actually making a cup of coffee.

00:05:49.000 | Man, I did my entire morning routine in less than five minutes.

00:05:53.040 | What do I do with my next 40?

00:05:55.960 | Whatever you want.

00:05:57.160 | Do 10 minutes of meditation.

00:05:58.900 | Sit there in a dark room and just tell yourself 10 things you're truly grateful for.

00:06:04.120 | Like, I am so glad I have my wife.

00:06:05.860 | I'm so glad I have two healthy kids.

00:06:07.860 | I'm so glad I have a company.

00:06:09.040 | I'm so glad I have two arms and two legs.

00:06:10.640 | I'm so glad I'm still alive.

00:06:13.200 | Cool.

00:06:14.220 | What are you going to do?

00:06:15.240 | I'm going to make the most out of it.

00:06:16.360 | Go to work and do that.

00:06:17.520 | People just don't want to make the time because they've never seen the example.

00:06:20.720 | So a lot of stuff we try to put out is I'm trying to be a physical representation of what I'm trying to master this.

00:06:26.040 | Physically strong, mentally resilient, capable, patriotic Americans.

00:06:31.300 | That's what I'm trying to do.

00:06:33.160 | I just want you to have accountability.

00:06:34.520 | I've accounted for all my failures, all my successes, and everything else in between.

00:06:38.980 | And I'll show them exactly what happens when you do it wrong.

00:06:41.620 | I think that's what a lot of people like the most about it is I will tell you all my deepest, darkest secrets.

00:06:46.560 | Because you're going to learn a lot more from those than you are about climbing Everest.

00:06:50.120 | Everybody wants to see the picture at the top of the mountain.

00:06:52.920 | They don't want to hear about how many Sherpas you lost on the way to the top.

00:06:56.520 | They don't want to hear about that.

00:06:57.820 | I do.

00:06:58.180 | I want to hear about the real struggle.

00:06:59.800 | Like how hard is it to be you?

00:07:01.220 | Talk me through it.

00:07:02.460 | I can learn so much from the hardships of people.

00:07:04.800 | Just unfortunately, we're in a place now where not too many people are willing to share it.

00:07:09.540 | Yeah.

00:07:11.420 | Just trying to help out as many people as possible before I hang this whole thing up and retire.

00:07:15.600 | I'll see you next time.

00:07:16.600 | Bye.

00:07:17.600 | Bye.

00:07:18.600 | Bye.

00:07:19.600 | Bye.

00:07:20.600 | you

00:07:22.660 | you

How to Build Confidence & Self Respect | DJ Shipley & Dr. Andrew Huberman

Chapters