How Do I Teach ‘Christian Hedonism’ to My Kids?
00:00:00.000 | I so love this question today, Pastor John.
00:00:06.680 | It comes from a French dad and a pastor named Raphael.
00:00:10.440 | Hello, Pastor John.
00:00:11.640 | Thank you for this invaluable podcast.
00:00:14.040 | My question for you is how I can best communicate Christian hedonism to my
00:00:19.000 | children during our family worship.
00:00:21.560 | They're ages five to 12.
00:00:23.680 | What should be my aims and goals?
00:00:26.440 | Do you have any tips for a dad like me?
00:00:28.920 | Okay.
00:00:29.480 | I love this question.
00:00:30.520 | Let's see if we can do it.
00:00:32.240 | It's been a long time since I was a dad of little kids.
00:00:36.480 | I had five of them, but that's a long time ago.
00:00:38.880 | Two things to make clear up front.
00:00:44.000 | Parents must clarify clear Christian hedonism.
00:00:48.280 | And I wouldn't recommend using the term with kids.
00:00:50.720 | Forget that.
00:00:51.440 | I don't think you mean that.
00:00:52.920 | So they don't know.
00:00:54.360 | They don't need to know the word hedonism at age four or five or six or whatever.
00:00:58.280 | I'm not asking you to clarify the term.
00:01:00.880 | I'm asking you to clarify the reality.
00:01:03.080 | And the other thing you need to do is exemplify.
00:01:06.680 | So hold those two phrases, clarify and exemplify, because that's what I'm going
00:01:11.120 | to talk about.
00:01:12.640 | So clarify.
00:01:14.680 | Three suggestions.
00:01:15.800 | Show that the Bible commands rejoicing.
00:01:19.920 | Philippians 4, 4, "Rejoice in the Lord always."
00:01:26.000 | And again, I will say, "Rejoice."
00:01:29.040 | So now the children know that it is not only permitted to be happy, it is
00:01:37.680 | required that they be happy in the Lord.
00:01:41.600 | And of course, that will involve a lot of conversation with the children about how
00:01:46.920 | to pursue this joy or this happiness if they don't feel it.
00:01:50.240 | That's a huge question.
00:01:52.120 | And you help them with that.
00:01:53.840 | And it will involve a lot of conversation about what "in the Lord" means, as
00:01:59.440 | opposed to just being happy with these gifts.
00:02:01.560 | And you can help little children understand the difference between being happy that
00:02:05.800 | they have a mommy and being happy that mommy gives them breakfast.
00:02:10.160 | Would you rather have mommy or breakfast?
00:02:12.960 | They get this.
00:02:13.880 | Okay, number two, show the kids what it means to become a real Christian by going
00:02:21.640 | to Matthew 13, 44.
00:02:23.520 | The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and
00:02:29.320 | covered up.
00:02:29.880 | And then in his joy, he goes and sells everything he has and buys that field.
00:02:34.520 | Now, children can grasp why this man was really, really, really, really happy to
00:02:41.760 | sell everything.
00:02:42.600 | They get this.
00:02:43.520 | If you ask him, "Why?
00:02:44.960 | Why was he happy to sell his toys, all his toys?"
00:02:49.880 | And they're going to say, "Well, because the treasure was worth more than the
00:02:54.560 | toys."
00:02:55.040 | That's what they're going to say, which is right.
00:02:57.240 | This is not a hard thing to understand.
00:03:00.200 | You could even act this out in a little drama.
00:03:03.440 | I tried to imagine this, like hide mama behind the couch.
00:03:07.720 | "Okay, let's go find mama.
00:03:10.920 | I think we can find mama.
00:03:11.840 | Whoa, there she is."
00:03:13.600 | Then she comes out and now you have to ask, "Okay, what would you be willing to
00:03:19.240 | sell to have your mama stay in this house while you're growing up?"
00:03:23.720 | They get that.
00:03:25.640 | Number three, tell them my rose story, but rewrite it for kids, which I've done to
00:03:34.080 | read to you now.
00:03:34.800 | Okay?
00:03:35.320 | You may not even know what my rose story is and I won't tell the rose story.
00:03:38.640 | That'll take too much time.
00:03:39.880 | So I'm going to make up a situation and give you my version for kids.
00:03:45.240 | So this story you can tell to your children to clarify the very essence of
00:03:52.040 | Christian hedonism, which is that God is most glorified in you when you're most
00:03:56.440 | satisfied in him.
00:03:58.240 | So pretend that there's a family that has a 12-year-old boy named Tim and an
00:04:05.440 | eight-year-old little brother named Eric.
00:04:07.920 | Okay?
00:04:08.280 | Eric thinks Tim is the greatest thing in the world.
00:04:13.560 | He admires his big brother.
00:04:15.240 | He thinks he's really cool.
00:04:16.720 | He loves spending time with Tim and he loves to go fishing.
00:04:20.880 | His birthday is coming and Tim, the older brother, really wants to make Eric happy
00:04:25.560 | with a special birthday gift.
00:04:27.480 | So Tim takes a few odd jobs around the neighborhood, helping people with their
00:04:32.200 | yard work to earn some extra money so he can buy Eric a really nice fishing rod
00:04:39.160 | with his own tackle box that he's never had before.
00:04:43.560 | But to make it really special, Tim puts a note in the tackle box that says, "This is
00:04:51.440 | a certificate of promise to take you fishing all day, the Saturday after your
00:04:58.440 | birthday, just you and me."
00:05:00.560 | So Tim earns the money, buys the gifts, wraps them up, puts them inside the box,
00:05:06.840 | and on Eric's birthday, Eric opens the packages, loves the rod, loves the tackle
00:05:11.080 | box.
00:05:11.440 | Then he opens the box and finds Tim's note.
00:05:13.960 | He unfolds it and reads it.
00:05:16.720 | "Wow," he says, "this is the greatest.
00:05:19.960 | I love the rod, Tim, and I love the tackle box, but all day, just you and me fishing.
00:05:27.680 | Wow."
00:05:28.680 | And suppose Tim, the older brother, smiles and says, "My pleasure, Eric.
00:05:35.040 | In fact, I can't think of anything I'd rather do or that would make me happier
00:05:39.880 | this Saturday than to spend the day with you."
00:05:42.600 | And suppose Eric's face, little brother, Eric's face darkens.
00:05:48.680 | The joy goes out of his eight-year-old heart and he snorts.
00:05:52.840 | "It's your pleasure.
00:05:54.920 | Nothing would make you happier."
00:05:57.760 | So it's all about you, Tim.
00:06:00.040 | It's all about what makes you happy.
00:06:02.240 | You're so selfish.
00:06:04.960 | Now, Tim would be absolutely stunned at this reaction.
00:06:10.880 | Speechless.
00:06:12.120 | Okay, story's over.
00:06:13.680 | End of story.
00:06:14.480 | And you ask your children, "Why would Tim be surprised, even hurt, by Eric's
00:06:23.280 | response like that?"
00:06:24.840 | And the reason Tim is stunned and speechless is because that would never
00:06:30.920 | happen.
00:06:31.640 | And then your kids would say, "Eric's not going to say that.
00:06:34.720 | Eric would never respond this way.
00:06:36.960 | Why not?"
00:06:37.800 | Tim did say, in fact, "It's my pleasure."
00:06:40.960 | He did say, "I can't think of anything that would make me happier than to spend
00:06:45.800 | the day with you."
00:06:46.600 | But you know, and your children know intuitively, Eric would never be upset
00:06:54.360 | about this.
00:06:55.120 | He would never treat Tim as if he were being selfish.
00:06:58.440 | Why not?
00:07:00.600 | Because when Tim finds his happiness in spending time with Eric, Tim honors Eric.
00:07:08.880 | He treats Eric like he's really something.
00:07:12.640 | And Eric intuitively feels this.
00:07:15.960 | He feels honored.
00:07:18.000 | He feels loved.
00:07:18.960 | He feels cared for.
00:07:19.920 | He feels enjoyed.
00:07:20.920 | Tim is treating Eric as special.
00:07:23.720 | Tim is saying, "There's something about you, Eric, that makes me happy."
00:07:28.440 | "There's something about you, Eric, that makes me want to spend the day with you
00:07:32.840 | on Saturday."
00:07:33.760 | And then you tell your children that this is a parable.
00:07:37.360 | It's a story about how we should relate to God.
00:07:40.400 | When we enjoy, when we want to spend time with God, God is honored.
00:07:45.920 | So our being happy in God is what makes God look great.
00:07:51.040 | And making God look great is what the Bible says we're supposed to do.
00:07:55.360 | Glorify God in everything.
00:07:56.960 | So we have to pursue happiness in God if we're going to make God look amazing.
00:08:03.360 | That's the way I would try to clarify Christian hedonism for the children.
00:08:09.680 | And more briefly, just a word or two about exemplify.
00:08:14.000 | I'm not sure how you do this, but I would suggest that you do two things to exemplify
00:08:23.680 | Christian hedonism.
00:08:25.040 | The first is that our children need to see us enjoying God, enjoying Him in worship,
00:08:30.800 | enjoying Him in devotions, enjoying Him in ordinary tasks of life.
00:08:34.720 | God should feel to these children because it feels to us because He feels to us like
00:08:41.320 | a burden lifter, not a burden giver.
00:08:45.720 | A lifter of our sins through forgiveness because of Jesus.
00:08:50.360 | And a lifter of burdens, the burdens of life as we trust Him to work everything together
00:08:57.720 | for good.
00:08:58.120 | Oh, how we communicate to our kids whether God is able to carry the burdens of life by
00:09:06.240 | whether we enjoy God in the midst of the stresses of life or not.
00:09:12.560 | And the second thing I would say that might not be as obvious is we should enjoy our
00:09:18.280 | children, not just enjoy God, but enjoy our children.
00:09:22.360 | We have made the case with our little story.
00:09:26.080 | We've made the case that a person is honored when they are enjoyed.
00:09:30.800 | We want to honor our children.
00:09:33.960 | The Bible says, "outdo one another in showing honor."
00:09:37.520 | It says to count others more significant, more honorable than ourselves.
00:09:43.040 | And one of the ways we count others as significant and one of the ways we honor
00:09:47.920 | others is by manifestly enjoying their presence.
00:09:52.760 | Many children feel like a burden to their parents, like they are in the way.
00:10:00.680 | If we enjoy our children, we will communicate to them that the most natural thing is to
00:10:09.320 | enjoy what we value.
00:10:12.200 | This will translate much more easily into the worship of God than if the children only
00:10:20.320 | feel like burdens.
00:10:22.560 | So the pathway to breathing mature Christian hedonists is to manifestly enjoy God,
00:10:30.840 | manifestly enjoy the children and take them deeper and deeper into the scriptures.
00:10:38.280 | I love this episode.
00:10:40.240 | Fantastic counsel, Pastor John.
00:10:42.160 | Thank you.
00:10:42.760 | May it influence and change my own parenting.
00:10:45.400 | Thank you.
00:10:45.880 | And a great parenting question too.
00:10:48.000 | Keep those coming in to us.
00:10:49.440 | And if you have a question, you can do that through our online home and over at our
00:10:53.480 | online home.
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00:10:59.040 | full transcripts and get those questions emailed to us.
00:11:01.640 | You can do all that through DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.
00:11:06.960 | Well, we have addressed whether or not a Christian can attend a so-called gay wedding.
00:11:12.160 | But what about the wedding of two fornicating heterosexuals who lived together before the
00:11:18.960 | wedding?
00:11:19.360 | Isn't that sort of the same predicament or is it?
00:11:23.160 | It's a really great question, an important question.
00:11:26.200 | And it's next on Friday when we return.
00:11:28.640 | I'm your host Tony Reinke and we'll see you then.
00:11:30.840 | [BLANK_AUDIO]