I Want to Be Baptized — My Husband Opposes It

00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)

00:00:02.580 | - Happy Friday everyone, welcome back to the podcast.

00:00:07.200 | Well, as many of you can imagine,

00:00:09.640 | when one spouse gets saved and the other spouse does not,

00:00:14.400 | it leads to new tensions inside of the home.

00:00:18.280 | Maybe you don't need to imagine such tensions,

00:00:20.600 | maybe this is your reality.

00:00:23.080 | At least five times we have addressed these tensions

00:00:25.840 | on the podcast in the past.

00:00:27.280 | You can see APJs 397, 680, 1029, 1560, and 1690.

00:00:32.280 | And this now includes today's episode, 1839.

00:00:38.320 | It's a question from a woman who listens to the podcast.

00:00:41.880 | Here's her question.

00:00:43.480 | Dear Pastor John, hello.

00:00:45.220 | Although I have always identified as a Christian,

00:00:47.360 | I just recently experienced the new birth

00:00:49.660 | as a married woman with children at age 34.

00:00:53.740 | Praise God, that's awesome to hear.

00:00:55.740 | My husband, however, is not a Christian.

00:00:59.720 | Jesus has transformed my life.

00:01:01.480 | And although my husband has been supportive of me until now,

00:01:05.020 | he does not want me to be baptized.

00:01:08.560 | I feel the time has come for me to be baptized,

00:01:11.280 | but I don't wanna go against

00:01:12.120 | my husband's expressed wishes either.

00:01:14.800 | Ephesians 5, 22 to 24 says I should submit to my husband.

00:01:18.240 | First Peter 3, 1 speaks of the influence

00:01:20.440 | of a wife's conduct on her non-believing husband.

00:01:24.100 | But I am called by Jesus to be baptized.

00:01:27.200 | So should I go against my husband's wishes here?

00:01:32.200 | When all is said and done,

00:01:33.780 | my bottom line answer is going to be yes.

00:01:39.380 | But for that act to be pleasing to the Lord,

00:01:44.040 | there is more that needs to be said.

00:01:45.920 | So let's take a few minutes and think about this.

00:01:48.320 | The uniform teaching of the New Testament,

00:01:52.700 | whether it's Ephesians 5 or 1 Corinthians 11

00:01:57.000 | or Colossians 3 or 1 Peter 3,

00:02:01.140 | the uniform teaching is that husbands

00:02:04.600 | are to be the head of their wives

00:02:07.880 | the way Christ is the head of the church,

00:02:11.080 | and that wives should be in glad support of that leadership,

00:02:16.080 | that headship, which the New Testament calls submission.

00:02:20.160 | So I would define submission like this,

00:02:23.060 | the disposition of a wife's heart and mind

00:02:27.700 | for the sake of Christ to give glad support

00:02:33.480 | to her husband's leadership.

00:02:35.540 | And the reason I use that kind of definition,

00:02:40.540 | namely a disposition of heart and mind

00:02:44.500 | to comply gladly with the husband's initiatives

00:02:47.660 | and leadership for the Lord's sake,

00:02:50.620 | is that those two aspects of the definition,

00:02:55.940 | the disposition and for the Lord's sake,

00:02:58.800 | provide limitations on the absoluteness

00:03:03.800 | of obedience to the husband.

00:03:07.120 | So the first limitation is implied in the words,

00:03:10.720 | a disposition of heart and mind,

00:03:13.080 | because you can have a disposition to comply

00:03:17.780 | even if sometimes for godly biblical reasons,

00:03:22.260 | you may not comply.

00:03:24.340 | In other words, there is a huge difference

00:03:26.940 | between a biblically submissive wife

00:03:29.860 | who occasionally sees biblical reasons

00:03:32.680 | not to comply with something her husband expects,

00:03:36.540 | and a defiant wife or a just an egalitarian wife

00:03:41.340 | who is resistant to the very notion

00:03:45.660 | that her husband has a God-given responsibility

00:03:48.240 | to exercise initiative and authority in their relationship.

00:03:51.620 | There's a big difference.

00:03:53.940 | And the other limitation that my definition puts

00:03:57.600 | on absolute obedience to the husband is

00:04:00.420 | when it says that her glad support

00:04:06.460 | for the husband's leadership is for the Lord's sake,

00:04:09.980 | that's really significant.

00:04:12.660 | What I mean by that is that she is first and foremost

00:04:17.660 | under the Lordship of Christ as a Christian.

00:04:21.780 | That's what it means to be a Christian.

00:04:24.060 | And then derivatively, not absolutely,

00:04:28.460 | under the leadership of her husband.

00:04:30.900 | So Paul says in Colossians 3, 18,

00:04:32.900 | wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

00:04:37.320 | And Ephesians 5, 22 says,

00:04:39.020 | wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

00:04:42.260 | Now, both of which, both of those statements

00:04:45.460 | that connect submission with the Lord

00:04:48.540 | imply that submission to the husband

00:04:52.100 | is flowing from a prior reality

00:04:55.220 | that's higher and more authoritative,

00:04:59.740 | namely being in the Lord or having Jesus as your Lord.

00:05:04.740 | Then Peter makes this connection most clear

00:05:09.700 | when he begins his section on submission to state,

00:05:12.900 | masters, husbands, in chapter two, verse 13 of 1 Peter,

00:05:17.900 | he says, "Be subject for the Lord's sake

00:05:23.500 | "to every human institution."

00:05:25.500 | Now that's huge.

00:05:27.620 | All obedience to humans is subordinated

00:05:32.620 | to obedience to Jesus, the absolute Lord.

00:05:36.820 | We do things for his sake in submission to him

00:05:40.660 | under his Lordship.

00:05:41.940 | Obedience to Jesus sends us into earthly relationships

00:05:46.940 | with the disposition to serve

00:05:49.460 | and acknowledge God-given authority,

00:05:51.560 | but that same obedience to Jesus limits our obedience

00:05:56.500 | because Jesus does not send us

00:05:59.820 | to be obediently disobedient to him.

00:06:03.620 | The words of Peter in Acts 5.29 fly like a banner

00:06:07.540 | over all Christian relationships.

00:06:09.580 | We must obey God rather than men, they said.

00:06:13.520 | So now, in regard to the decision of this wife

00:06:18.540 | to be baptized while her husband disapproves,

00:06:23.540 | here are several implications I would draw out.

00:06:28.080 | First, when it comes to the command of Christ,

00:06:33.420 | versus the command of a husband,

00:06:35.900 | the command of Christ will take precedence

00:06:39.540 | over the command of the husband when they're in conflict,

00:06:42.780 | as they are here, it seems.

00:06:44.840 | This is what it means to have Jesus as your Lord.

00:06:48.300 | Baptism is a command of the Lord Jesus.

00:06:51.420 | In the Great Commission, Matthew 28, 19 to 20,

00:06:54.660 | he said that making disciples of all nations

00:06:57.100 | included baptizing them in the name of the Father,

00:06:59.540 | the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

00:07:01.100 | Baptism never became merely optional

00:07:04.820 | in the ministry of the apostles.

00:07:07.060 | There's no evidence of any Christians in the early church

00:07:11.300 | who were not baptized.

00:07:13.220 | The assumption in all the epistles

00:07:15.940 | is that Christians have been baptized.

00:07:18.340 | It belongs together with faith as an outward expression

00:07:22.700 | of our death with Christ and our resurrection in him

00:07:26.300 | to newness of life.

00:07:28.660 | So that's the first thing.

00:07:29.660 | Second, choosing to be baptized

00:07:32.980 | against the desire of a husband

00:07:35.820 | does not mean that a wife has abandoned

00:07:39.260 | her disposition of heart and mind

00:07:41.940 | to give glad support to her husband's leadership.

00:07:45.940 | This exceptional act of noncompliance

00:07:50.540 | can be pursued without defiance and without anger

00:07:56.860 | and with respect and affection

00:08:00.020 | and with an expressed longing, expressed to her husband,

00:08:05.020 | that he would see in her a loyal wife

00:08:09.020 | who delights to be responsive

00:08:12.180 | to his initiatives and leadership,

00:08:14.540 | but on this particular point,

00:08:16.820 | her greater allegiance is to Jesus

00:08:20.380 | and his call to be baptized.

00:08:23.780 | Third, I would emphasize that she doesn't need

00:08:28.540 | to be precipitous or hasty in her action,

00:08:32.220 | but for her husband's sake and for peace and hope,

00:08:38.620 | she can go slow, it seems like she has,

00:08:42.820 | and pray and seek to help him understand

00:08:47.820 | as much as he'll let her.

00:08:50.540 | She does not need to give any impression

00:08:52.860 | that she's acting rashly,

00:08:55.340 | but that she has come to this decision carefully,

00:08:58.180 | thoughtfully, and would love to include him

00:09:01.940 | in the process, indeed, have him be a part

00:09:05.340 | of the event as well.

00:09:06.900 | And finally, number four, by way of encouragement,

00:09:12.020 | even though this is a point of tension

00:09:15.500 | between her and her husband,

00:09:19.100 | it may turn out that by the conversations they have

00:09:24.100 | about the meaning of what she's doing

00:09:27.420 | and why she's doing it,

00:09:29.580 | that this would be one of the most clarifying things

00:09:32.820 | for him about the very meaning of Christianity.

00:09:37.340 | What does it mean that his wife is a Christian?

00:09:40.300 | It may be that some of his resistance to baptism

00:09:45.700 | is owing to a very superficial understanding

00:09:48.980 | of what it is and what it really means to be a Christian.

00:09:52.860 | And this decision on her part may give her an opportunity

00:09:58.380 | to explain to him the profound reality

00:10:03.380 | of spiritual death with Christ

00:10:07.500 | and new life in the spirit

00:10:10.860 | and all the implications of what it is

00:10:15.380 | to be forgiven and accepted and loved

00:10:18.500 | and indwelt by the Holy Spirit

00:10:21.300 | with the hope of everlasting life.

00:10:23.260 | Few things will provide as clear an opportunity

00:10:28.260 | for a wife to make plain to an unbelieving husband

00:10:32.260 | what it means for her to be a Christian

00:10:35.580 | as for her to explain in great detail, perhaps,

00:10:39.540 | what the greatness of baptism stands for.

00:10:43.020 | So I will pray that God give you great grace

00:10:48.020 | and wisdom as you move forward

00:10:52.300 | and that your husband will not only be agreeable

00:10:58.180 | but someday join you in the life

00:11:01.220 | that baptism really stands for.

00:11:03.100 | - Yeah, thank you, Pastor John.

00:11:05.580 | The tensions of marriages where Christians

00:11:08.220 | are married to non-Christians, again,

00:11:10.180 | is something we've addressed in APJ episodes in the past.

00:11:13.540 | You can find those in APJs 397, 680, 1029, 1560, and 1690.

00:11:18.540 | You can find all those episodes at askpastorjohn.com.

00:11:25.060 | Episode 397, 680, 1029, 1560, and 1690.

00:11:30.060 | And we actually have another related episode scheduled

00:11:35.260 | that you may find relevant to this conversation.

00:11:37.420 | That's APJ 1843.

00:11:39.580 | How Do I Pray for My Husband's Salvation?

00:11:43.340 | That's coming up in 10 days on October 3rd.

00:11:45.620 | So be watching for that episode to come

00:11:47.500 | on praying for the salvation of an unbelieving spouse.

00:11:50.680 | I am your host, Tony Renke.

00:11:53.100 | We will see you back here on Monday.

00:11:55.060 | Have a great weekend.

00:11:56.100 | (upbeat music)

00:11:58.680 | (upbeat music)

00:12:01.260 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

I Want to Be Baptized — My Husband Opposes It

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