What’s Wrong with Dressing Immodestly for Attention?
00:00:00.000 | Well, it's January in Minneapolis and we are freezing.
00:00:08.360 | So talking about modesty seems a little untimely, but perhaps an off-season conversation is
00:00:14.360 | a good time to go deeper into the heart of the concerns.
00:00:17.400 | In any case, God talks about modesty, so I guess the topic is really never out of season.
00:00:21.820 | And the specific question today comes from an honest, anonymous listener to the podcast
00:00:26.280 | who writes this.
00:00:27.280 | Pastor John, thank you for this podcast and for your honesty.
00:00:30.040 | I will speak honestly here.
00:00:32.320 | I am a 22-year-old single woman consumed with my physical appearance and how pretty others
00:00:36.840 | think I am.
00:00:38.260 | God is definitely working on me though because I don't buy clothes or other material things
00:00:41.840 | nearly as much as I used to, and he's also given me a desire to dress modestly.
00:00:46.620 | But I still care a lot about how I look and I find it hard to buy modest clothing because
00:00:51.240 | I think more revealing clothing is sexier.
00:00:54.580 | I trust in my looks to get me a husband more than God.
00:00:58.320 | I think that's the root of the issue for me.
00:01:01.240 | I continuously look for compliments and when I do get one, my ego is fed, and when I don't
00:01:06.060 | get one, my ego craves more attention.
00:01:08.800 | I hate judging myself and others on their physical appearance.
00:01:11.860 | It's tiring, disgusting, and not at all pleasing to the Lord.
00:01:15.280 | I don't want to be like the women in Isaiah 3 verses 16-26.
00:01:20.320 | Can you help me know how to cultivate beauty in my heart and in my faith in God alone?
00:01:26.840 | One of the things that our 22-year-old friend does not tell us is what she spends her time
00:01:35.260 | feasting her eyes on.
00:01:39.840 | So I would just say as a kind of preempting strike at a stream that feeds the river of
00:01:48.760 | sensuality, if you are spending hour after hour watching television, movies, videos,
00:01:58.840 | there's little hope that you will be set free from the bondage of wanting to look sexy.
00:02:05.480 | And it is a bondage.
00:02:06.840 | You've described it as one.
00:02:09.960 | Because that desire, that bondage, is continuously fed and strengthened, both blatantly and subtly,
00:02:20.380 | in almost all advertisements and programming.
00:02:24.760 | Just when you think you have found a program that might not awaken that desire, there's
00:02:30.240 | that one scene and the whole month's worth of mortifying sin is undone in a moment.
00:02:37.620 | So let's take the words of Jesus.
00:02:39.600 | I don't know how many women do this, but we all should.
00:02:42.960 | I mean, men don't have to take this because it's addressed to us directly.
00:02:46.960 | It's our issue.
00:02:47.960 | But women should do this.
00:02:50.080 | Let's take the words of Jesus that are addressed to men in Matthew 5, 27-29, and convert them
00:02:57.400 | into appropriate language for women.
00:02:59.720 | And believe me, and Tony would vouch for this, I think, based on the questions we're getting
00:03:04.440 | at APJ, there are major sexual temptation issues going on for women, as well as men,
00:03:12.880 | of all kinds.
00:03:13.880 | Yeah, for sure.
00:03:14.880 | Here's what Jesus would say if he had said those words today.
00:03:22.600 | You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery, you women.
00:03:26.520 | You should not commit adultery."
00:03:28.040 | But I say to you that every woman who looks at a man, or a woman with sexy outfit, or
00:03:35.520 | a kissing scene on television, or who reads about sexual intercourse in a novel, or listens
00:03:42.120 | to one on Audible, or does anything else that feeds the desire to lure a man's eyes with
00:03:49.680 | sexiness has already committed adultery in her heart.
00:03:53.320 | He's going to be just as blunt with women as he is with us guys, surely.
00:03:56.540 | If your right eye causes you to sin, woman, tear it out, throw it away, for it is better
00:04:01.120 | that you lose one of your members than that your whole body would be thrown into hell.
00:04:05.160 | Jesus says that to men and women.
00:04:07.720 | Now when Jesus says, "Tear out your eye," surely he at least means stop using the eye
00:04:14.000 | to feed the desire.
00:04:15.760 | It may not be possible to avoid every sin-awakening sight in our culture, but it is possible to
00:04:22.240 | keep dozens of them out of your eye, and it is possible to set before you worthy things,
00:04:28.480 | holy things, beautiful things, whatever's true, whatever's honorable, whatever's just,
00:04:33.640 | whatever's pure, whatever's lovely, whatever's commendable, if there's any excellence, if
00:04:38.480 | there's anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
00:04:42.680 | Surely Paul said that in Philippians 4, 8, because of the principle, "Garbage in, garbage
00:04:49.480 | out," or "Sexy in, sexy out."
00:04:52.480 | The principle here is find the streams that are feeding the river of sensual desire and
00:04:59.520 | cut it off.
00:05:01.000 | Our friend says, "But I still care a lot about how I look and find it hard to buy modest
00:05:08.680 | clothing because I think more revealing clothing is sexier."
00:05:13.880 | Well, of course revealing clothing is sexier.
00:05:18.520 | So then the question is, why would you want to offer your sexiness to every passerby?
00:05:26.780 | And she suggests part of the answer in the next sentence.
00:05:29.560 | She says, "I trust in my looks to get me a husband more than I trust in God.
00:05:34.960 | That's the root issue, I think."
00:05:36.560 | And my response to that is, personally, I doubt it.
00:05:39.920 | I doubt that's the root issue, since there are many married women who intend to stay
00:05:46.780 | married who try to look sexy for everybody to see.
00:05:50.760 | And there are many single women who have no intention of getting married anytime soon
00:05:55.080 | who also try to look sexy for everybody to see.
00:05:58.240 | So I doubt that the desire for a husband is the root issue.
00:06:02.800 | But let me say something about that, since she raised it, and that's obviously a big
00:06:06.260 | issue for her, the guy you are attracting by sexiness is not the guy you want to marry.
00:06:16.120 | And I'm going to repeat it.
00:06:17.840 | The guy you are attracting by sexiness is not the guy you want to marry.
00:06:25.160 | Jesus is telling the guy you want to marry to tear out his eye instead of looking at
00:06:32.360 | you when you dress like that.
00:06:34.160 | That's not going to work.
00:06:35.820 | Of course sexy is power, and that's closer to the root issue, isn't it?
00:06:42.360 | Many women know that revealing more skin gets them more power.
00:06:47.320 | But here's the catch.
00:06:49.240 | Of course there's more power in sexiness if you want to pull a man by his hormones
00:06:56.120 | and not his heart.
00:06:57.120 | Let me be more crass, okay?
00:06:58.720 | So it can be crass here on this issue.
00:07:01.280 | There's more power in sexiness if your aim is to hook a man in his groin and not his
00:07:07.160 | godliness.
00:07:08.660 | Of course this is not rocket science.
00:07:11.800 | It's not the way you want to find a husband.
00:07:14.840 | Please, it's not.
00:07:16.840 | Trust me, 22-year-old, you're my daughter.
00:07:20.760 | Here's another sentence that goes deeper, I think.
00:07:23.160 | She got this one.
00:07:24.160 | It goes deeper than the desire for a husband, and this is the heart of the matter.
00:07:29.720 | She says, "I continuously look for compliments, and when I do get one, my ego is fed, and
00:07:37.040 | when I don't get one, my ego craves attention."
00:07:40.080 | That's right, and it's not unique to women.
00:07:43.480 | John Piper is as vulnerable to that as anybody.
00:07:46.640 | It is utterly and deeply human.
00:07:48.640 | It is very near the core of what makes us a fallen sinner.
00:07:53.000 | The Pharisees, Jesus said, lived for the approval and praise of other people, and he called
00:07:58.560 | it one of those deadly dispositions in the world and said in John 5:44 that it'll keep
00:08:04.560 | you from believing in Jesus.
00:08:06.720 | How can you believe when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory
00:08:11.600 | that comes from God?
00:08:12.600 | John 5, 44, one of the most damning sentences in the Bible for those who live for the praise
00:08:18.760 | of other people because it cuts them off from what it means to embrace Jesus as Savior and
00:08:24.800 | Lord and treasure.
00:08:26.040 | Paul said in Romans 2, 28 that true Christianity is not outward and physical but inward, a
00:08:33.160 | matter of the heart, by the Spirit, and for the true Christian, here's the key sentence,
00:08:39.720 | his praise is not from man but from God.
00:08:45.760 | Oh, God let it be for all of us.
00:08:49.680 | This is the core issue in life.
00:08:53.760 | Where is this woman's hope for acceptance and love and affirmation and significance
00:08:58.960 | and satisfaction?
00:09:00.160 | Where is it?
00:09:01.800 | Just when we read about the beauty that 1 Peter calls for against superficial external
00:09:10.640 | beauty, we stop reading just before we get to the key verse 5 in chapter 3.
00:09:16.080 | Here's what I mean, here's what he says, this is verse 3 of chapter 3 in 1 Peter, "Do not
00:09:21.120 | let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair, the putting on of gold jewelry, or
00:09:26.360 | the clothing that you wear.
00:09:28.480 | But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty
00:09:36.840 | of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
00:09:40.520 | And that's where we often stop.
00:09:42.120 | Here's what happens if you keep going, "For this is how the holy women who hoped in God
00:09:51.520 | used to adorn themselves."
00:09:53.760 | And then it ends to say, "You can be like these holy women, you are her children, if
00:09:59.440 | you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."
00:10:05.480 | Fearless hope in God, that's the great need of men and women.
00:10:12.540 | God is 10,000 times greater than any husband.
00:10:16.840 | His look of approval and favor is 10,000 times more valuable than the glance of any
00:10:23.520 | hormone-heated man in an airport, or any woman who says, "Cute outfit, oh how wonderful
00:10:32.240 | and satisfying and significant is the identity that God offers us in Jesus."
00:10:39.800 | So I'm saying, I wish I knew her name, but I'm saying to our friend, our 22-year-old
00:10:43.840 | honest friend who represents thousands, ask the Lord to make this, what I'm going to
00:10:50.880 | close reading right now, this text, ask him to make this deeply, personally, even sexually
00:10:57.960 | sufficient, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you.
00:11:02.720 | I have called you by name, you are mine, because you are precious in my eyes and honored.
00:11:11.600 | I love you.
00:11:13.960 | I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.
00:11:20.320 | Fear not, I am with you.
00:11:23.560 | Everyone who is called by my name whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made."
00:11:33.040 | Isaiah 43, 1-7.
00:11:36.040 | Powerful.
00:11:37.040 | I mean, lots to think about, Pastor John.
00:11:39.560 | Thank you for addressing modesty with this bluntness and the straightforwardness, and
00:11:44.560 | thank you for listening, and thank you for making the podcast part of your week.
00:11:47.760 | You can subscribe to our audio feeds and search our past episodes in our archive, even reach
00:11:51.680 | us by email with a question you may have, even questions that relate to more controversial
00:11:55.760 | dimensions of the Christian life.
00:11:57.520 | You can do all that through our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.
00:12:03.880 | Well do non-Christians ever please God?
00:12:06.280 | Do they ever honor Him, or is this simply impossible?
00:12:09.640 | That's the question on Friday.
00:12:11.160 | It's a big one.
00:12:12.160 | I'm your host Tony Reinke.
00:12:13.520 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.
00:12:15.800 | We'll see you then.
00:12:16.300 | [music]
00:12:18.300 | [music]
00:12:20.300 | [music]
00:12:22.300 | [BLANK_AUDIO]