The Disabled Wife and the Proverbs 31 Woman
00:00:00.000 | A wife and mom in southern England writes in, "She is perplexed and frustrated and
00:00:09.600 | is obvious why.
00:00:10.600 | Dear Pastor John and Tony, thank you for this podcast and the ways that you have approached
00:00:15.040 | so many topics with care and godly insight.
00:00:17.520 | I have been hugely helped by episodes 548, 'How Do I Honor God in Chronic Pain?'
00:00:23.300 | and episode 1243, 'I Have Chronic Fatigue, How Do I Not Waste My Life?'
00:00:28.960 | These episodes directly apply to me as a disabled mother of a two-year-old and a newborn.
00:00:34.660 | My disability causes constant pain and significantly limits my physical activity.
00:00:40.040 | I am grateful for a husband who will do anything he can to reduce my burdens, although he himself
00:00:44.560 | has health conditions which limit his ability to physically help as well."
00:00:49.560 | Proverbs 31 paints a picture of a vigorous, invaliant, and strong wife, up early, late
00:00:54.800 | to bed, endlessly busy inside and outside of the household.
00:00:59.120 | When I look at this example and at the parents in our church without my physical limitations,
00:01:04.320 | it is very easy to feel confused about my practical role as a wife, and anxious about
00:01:10.400 | investing positively in my children.
00:01:13.700 | Many attractive aspects of our friends' parenting, such as homeschooling, are unlikely
00:01:18.080 | for us.
00:01:19.080 | How do I build a vision for parenting faithfully through my limitations and deal with my guilt?
00:01:24.760 | Over the things I cannot do.
00:01:27.640 | I've been thinking recently about the caution that C.S. Lewis gave to the person who was
00:01:37.000 | judging a Christian's patience or gentleness without taking into account his natural temperament
00:01:46.360 | that he was born with.
00:01:48.240 | The problem had arisen from the fact that there was an unbeliever who seemed a lot more
00:01:56.440 | patient and gentle than this particular believer.
00:02:01.920 | So the critic wondered, "Well, what good is it to say that God has saved this person
00:02:08.040 | and is in the process of sanctifying them?
00:02:10.520 | They're no better than an unbeliever."
00:02:13.280 | Suppose you have a scale of 1 to 10, and the 1 represents a person who is totally impatient
00:02:21.120 | and completely without any gentleness at all, a perfect hothead.
00:02:26.440 | And 10 represents a person who is perfectly patient and perfectly gentle in all the ways
00:02:32.960 | that we should be.
00:02:34.340 | Then you find that there's a Christian who's a 5 on this scale between 1 and 10.
00:02:40.200 | And there's an unbeliever who, as far as you can see outwardly, is a 7 on the scale
00:02:47.200 | of 1 to 10.
00:02:48.880 | And Lewis asks, "Can you say from this that the Holy Spirit is a weaker sanctifying influence
00:02:58.880 | in the life of the believer than the natural influences are in the life of the unbeliever?"
00:03:04.880 | And his answer is no.
00:03:07.040 | No.
00:03:08.160 | You can't say that because, as far as you know, the unbeliever was born with a temperament
00:03:14.600 | of 7.
00:03:17.600 | He's simply by nature phlegmatic in his personality, while the believer may have been born a 1
00:03:26.080 | and is by nature a Vesuvius of bad temper, so that being a 5 is an incredible miracle.
00:03:34.360 | I'll tell you, when I read this years ago, I was just blown away with helpfulness.
00:03:40.080 | I wonder why, right?
00:03:42.680 | I wonder why I look in the mirror.
00:03:47.000 | Now I think that caution, that wisdom, not to judge without knowing all the factors that
00:03:55.400 | shape a person's personality and achievements, applies to lots of areas of life besides patience
00:04:04.400 | and gentleness.
00:04:05.720 | And the principle is very relevant when it comes to this particular case of our young
00:04:12.760 | mom with a disability.
00:04:15.520 | And the principle is God doesn't measure the form of our faithfulness by the form of somebody
00:04:26.920 | else's faithfulness, who may have started from a very different place.
00:04:33.920 | Faithfulness always matters.
00:04:37.000 | The form of the faithfulness differs according to hundreds of circumstances.
00:04:44.960 | So Proverbs 31 describes the form of faithfulness in the life of an ancient woman—that is,
00:04:58.320 | a woman from antiquity—in the full bloom of her health and strength.
00:05:05.540 | It doesn't describe the form of faithfulness for a woman who is deaf and blind in her 80s,
00:05:12.520 | for a woman who's recently married at age 16, just beginning to discover what wisdom
00:05:19.560 | is.
00:05:20.920 | And it doesn't describe the form of the faithfulness of a woman with disabilities that might keep
00:05:27.040 | her from planting a vineyard or putting her hand to the spindle or rising while it is
00:05:32.800 | still dark or even clothing herself.
00:05:36.600 | So a woman with such a disability must search the Scriptures to find the form of faithfulness
00:05:45.520 | that applies to her.
00:05:47.540 | And she won't have to look far, because right here in chapter 31 of Proverbs, there are
00:05:54.940 | beautiful forms of faithfulness that she can pursue.
00:06:02.600 | Trustworthiness—verse 11—not harming her husband's reputation with an idle tongue,
00:06:10.320 | being financially astute—verse 16—being generous with the poor as much as her resources
00:06:17.960 | allow—verse 20—laughing at the time to come because her faith is unshakable in the
00:06:24.560 | goodness and sovereignty of God—verse 25—overflowing with the teaching of kindness and wisdom—verse
00:06:31.240 | 26—and finally, the beauty that really counts, captured in verse 30—charm is deceitful,
00:06:39.560 | beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
00:06:45.240 | I don't discount the difficulties and challenges that test this woman's faith as she is unable
00:06:55.840 | to do some of the things that other mothers do.
00:06:59.920 | And I would encourage her not to begrudge the thorn that God has apparently given her,
00:07:09.880 | at least for now.
00:07:10.880 | He's a great healer.
00:07:12.520 | Who knows?
00:07:13.520 | But for now, this thorn, like Paul's thorn in the flesh, that thorn in 2 Corinthians
00:07:22.600 | 12, limited what Paul could do.
00:07:25.800 | It changed the form of his faithfulness.
00:07:30.120 | He will not be held accountable to be productive in the same ways.
00:07:36.280 | The test now is not, "Would he be productive?" but "Would he be content?"
00:07:44.160 | That's how the sufficiency of Christ will be magnified.
00:07:48.720 | God does not put as high a premium on productivity as we think he does.
00:07:55.060 | He puts a much higher premium on the qualities of character, the fruits of the Spirit, that
00:08:03.080 | you can exercise flat on your back in a hospital bed.
00:08:08.360 | I don't say it's easy.
00:08:09.840 | I do say it's possible.
00:08:12.080 | The form of faithfulness for a paraplegic, for example, is different than the form of
00:08:19.080 | faithfulness for an Olympic athlete.
00:08:22.300 | One person is given ten talents, another person is given five.
00:08:26.780 | The form of their faithfulness is not measured by the same set of achievements.
00:08:32.220 | I would encourage our dear friend to focus on a text like Psalm 147.10.
00:08:40.780 | God's delight is not in the strength of the horse nor his pleasure in the legs of a man,
00:08:48.700 | but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.
00:08:57.340 | Strength and beauty are wonderful gifts, but they are as nothing—let me say that again—they
00:09:06.060 | are as nothing compared to the fear of the Lord and the heart that hopes in God's steadfast
00:09:13.940 | love.
00:09:14.940 | So, when this young mother looks in the mirror or measures herself by the strength of a horse
00:09:22.460 | or the legs of the healthy supermom, remember the words of Samuel in 1 Samuel 16.7.
00:09:32.140 | The Lord sees not as man sees.
00:09:35.660 | Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
00:09:40.060 | 1 Samuel 16.7.
00:09:44.140 | There is a kind of beauty and there is a kind of strength and there is a kind of mothering
00:09:51.540 | that God has designed for every disabled mom who will look to Christ and trust him.
00:10:00.940 | Wonderfully compassionate and encouraging.
00:10:02.260 | Thank you, Pastor John, and thank you for joining us today.
00:10:04.780 | You can ask a question of your own, search our growing archive, or subscribe to the podcast,
00:10:09.500 | all at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.
00:10:14.300 | Well, there are right ways to correct other believers, and there are wrong ways to correct
00:10:20.420 | other believers.
00:10:21.420 | So, what's the difference?
00:10:22.420 | Romans 14 will help us understand that difference.
00:10:25.100 | Pastor John will explain next time.
00:10:26.740 | I'm your host Tony Reinke.
00:10:28.140 | We'll see you back here on Wednesday.
00:10:29.460 | Thanks for listening.
00:10:30.060 | [End]
00:10:32.060 | 1. The Bible is a perfect example of a person's ability to be a good person. He is a perfect person and he is a perfect person. - Romans 14.7.
00:10:39.060 | [BLANK_AUDIO]