Everyday Educator - The Power of Small Habits
00:00:00.000 | (soft music)
00:00:02.420 | Welcome, friends, to this episode
00:00:06.040 | of the Everyday Educator podcast.
00:00:08.580 | I'm your host, Lisa Bailey,
00:00:10.280 | and I am excited to spend some time with you today
00:00:13.940 | as we encourage one another, learn together,
00:00:17.360 | and ponder the delights and challenges
00:00:20.340 | that make homeschooling the adventure of a lifetime.
00:00:23.720 | Whether you're just considering
00:00:25.960 | this homeschooling possibility
00:00:28.120 | or deep into the daily delight of family learning,
00:00:32.220 | I believe you'll enjoy thinking along with us.
00:00:36.140 | But don't forget, although this online community is awesome,
00:00:40.980 | you'll find even closer support in a local CC community.
00:00:45.980 | So go to classicalconversations.com
00:00:50.420 | and find a community near you today.
00:00:55.380 | Well, listeners, I'm so excited to be with you today.
00:00:58.800 | As we begin the second semester,
00:01:02.480 | as we're all kinda getting back into our routines, we hope,
00:01:07.480 | after the long Christmas break,
00:01:09.800 | I was thinking the other day,
00:01:13.920 | so many of us fully believe that big goals
00:01:18.920 | or big dreams have to involve big plans
00:01:24.480 | and big changes and big steps.
00:01:28.600 | Somehow, we have bought into the thinking
00:01:31.620 | that being successful involves changing our whole mindset
00:01:36.620 | or shifting our whole way of living
00:01:39.460 | and that it has to be really hard
00:01:41.640 | and that there are all these steps that you have to follow.
00:01:44.440 | Well, I am here to tell you that that kind of thinking
00:01:47.800 | can discourage us before we even get started,
00:01:52.140 | especially in the gray days of January
00:01:55.400 | or really, y'all, any time that we have gotten off track.
00:02:00.400 | So today, I want to explore a different way of thinking.
00:02:05.960 | I want us to consider the power of small habits
00:02:11.560 | on our roads to success.
00:02:15.000 | I have one of my bestest friends,
00:02:17.480 | one of my best classical educator friends with me today,
00:02:21.280 | and we are gonna be really honest right in front of you
00:02:25.720 | and talk about the power of small habits.
00:02:28.260 | Kelly Wilt, I am so glad
00:02:29.860 | that you agreed to be with me today.
00:02:32.000 | - Oh, absolutely, Lisa.
00:02:33.460 | This is a topic that, as our homeschooling journey
00:02:36.480 | has unfolded, has grown nearer and dearer to my heart.
00:02:40.680 | So I am so excited to talk about this today with you.
00:02:44.400 | - And I'm excited to explore with you
00:02:47.380 | the ways that I have changed.
00:02:50.500 | I tended to be a real, and I still am.
00:02:55.500 | Let's be real about this.
00:02:57.520 | I still am a very type A, driven, make a list,
00:03:01.940 | set a priority, and have interim goals and all these steps.
00:03:06.480 | That is who I am naturally in my personality,
00:03:10.460 | and the Holy Spirit is helping me
00:03:13.240 | to recover from the worst of that and keep the best of that.
00:03:19.080 | But it has been a journey for me, like you alluded to.
00:03:23.960 | All the years of homeschooling,
00:03:26.220 | the Lord has used to sand off a lot of my rough edges.
00:03:31.220 | I'm sure I have plenty left,
00:03:35.540 | but I am learning a lot about the power of small habits.
00:03:40.480 | So let me start, I wanna ask you,
00:03:42.180 | just kinda set the tone and let some of my online friends
00:03:46.000 | get to know my in-person friend.
00:03:48.540 | What are some of the big goals
00:03:51.800 | that you have set in your life?
00:03:54.600 | And you can go as far back as you want to,
00:03:58.980 | or as recent as you are comfortable with.
00:04:02.460 | What are some of the big goals you've set in your life?
00:04:06.320 | - Well, let me first, before I answer this question,
00:04:09.160 | say that you and I are cut from the same kinda cloth.
00:04:12.600 | - I know.
00:04:13.440 | - That I am a reforming type A.
00:04:17.100 | I used to say that I was a type A plus.
00:04:19.740 | How terrible is that?
00:04:21.160 | - I know, right?
00:04:22.000 | It fits your personality though.
00:04:23.560 | - Yes, but I think I was born setting goals for myself.
00:04:28.060 | The one that comes to mind that I can distinctly recall
00:04:33.060 | was probably the first time in my life
00:04:35.880 | that I set a goal and took steps to achieve it
00:04:39.840 | was when I was in high school my freshman year,
00:04:43.020 | and I discovered what a valedictorian was.
00:04:45.860 | I was an academic to the core,
00:04:50.860 | and I delighted in learning.
00:04:52.800 | I loved learning.
00:04:53.780 | I've always loved learning.
00:04:55.900 | But when I found out that the valedictorian
00:04:59.200 | of our senior class would get to stand and give a speech,
00:05:02.920 | and wear a medal, and that that honor would be bestowed
00:05:06.340 | on the student who had the highest
00:05:08.940 | numeric grade point average,
00:05:10.580 | oh, I wanted so desperately for that to be me.
00:05:14.420 | And so, it's humorous when I look back on it.
00:05:18.140 | At that time, it was very serious.
00:05:20.440 | But in high school, in my class,
00:05:23.000 | I had two very dear friends,
00:05:26.460 | and the three of us were neck and neck.
00:05:29.180 | That was our goal.
00:05:30.320 | And it was a good thing for the three of us
00:05:33.220 | because we kept it from being a bad thing.
00:05:35.740 | We would encourage each other on.
00:05:39.360 | I successfully learned how to calculate a GPA.
00:05:43.660 | (laughing)
00:05:45.260 | - We're timely, no doubt.
00:05:46.860 | - Yes, so that's a skill that,
00:05:49.260 | as we're now graduating our children from homeschool,
00:05:52.860 | has come in handy.
00:05:54.780 | But it was a goal that I remember I would,
00:05:58.580 | I worked hard, Lisa.
00:06:00.500 | I mean, I kept that goal in mind,
00:06:03.780 | and praise the Lord to His glory, and not to my own.
00:06:07.700 | That was an honor that I achieved
00:06:09.980 | when I graduated from high school.
00:06:11.460 | And I still have the medal from that.
00:06:14.300 | And at that time, I thought,
00:06:15.380 | "Oh, I'm going to cherish this forever."
00:06:17.140 | Well, let me just tell you,
00:06:18.820 | it's been sitting in a box in my parents' house
00:06:22.420 | for the past, I won't say how many years,
00:06:24.740 | but the ability to set goals
00:06:29.740 | and build habits to achieve those goals
00:06:34.020 | is something I still keep with me now,
00:06:36.660 | which is infinitely more valuable
00:06:39.300 | than that sad little medal.
00:06:41.760 | Absolutely, and I love that.
00:06:43.680 | There are valuable lessons that you learn
00:06:48.600 | when you set big goals.
00:06:52.120 | But let me ask you this.
00:06:54.280 | How did you achieve this goal?
00:06:59.280 | I mean, were they all, you made a plan,
00:07:04.080 | I'm sure, knowing you.
00:07:05.800 | I know that you had a plan
00:07:09.160 | Were the plans very detailed?
00:07:13.760 | Were they big?
00:07:14.720 | How often did you change them or alter them?
00:07:19.720 | Well, because my goal was academic,
00:07:25.280 | I knew that I needed to study.
00:07:27.980 | And so I needed to give myself accountability
00:07:30.880 | to study well and perform as well as I could
00:07:34.000 | on the quizzes and tests
00:07:35.240 | so that I would have a higher average.
00:07:37.400 | But I soon realized that it wasn't merely the performance
00:07:41.720 | and the numeric grade that would help me
00:07:44.160 | to reach my end goal.
00:07:46.240 | I needed to have better study habits.
00:07:49.080 | I needed to prioritize different things in my life.
00:07:52.800 | And I will admit to you, at the end of my freshman year,
00:07:55.600 | I felt very overwhelmed.
00:07:57.960 | Partially because I knew I would have to work hard
00:08:00.320 | for three more years.
00:08:02.200 | And then I would have to continue to be consistent.
00:08:06.880 | But I felt overwhelmed because at first,
00:08:10.400 | I did not break this goal down into small, manageable steps.
00:08:15.040 | It was simply do better.
00:08:17.480 | And that thought was not helpful to me.
00:08:21.280 | That was the goal I wanted to reach.
00:08:23.320 | I wanted to do better.
00:08:25.340 | But I really had to spend time thinking about
00:08:29.240 | what were the habits that I needed to build
00:08:34.020 | in order to be that valedictorian?
00:08:36.720 | What were the steps, the manageable small steps
00:08:41.040 | that I needed to take in order to reach that end goal?
00:08:45.180 | And when my focus changed from do better
00:08:49.560 | to what is the next thing that I need to do?
00:08:53.760 | What is the next thing that I need to be consistent
00:08:57.940 | and disciplined about maintaining?
00:09:01.040 | Then suddenly that goal seemed doable
00:09:05.160 | and not quite so daunting because I could take action.
00:09:09.400 | And I think that was a major key for me
00:09:12.640 | in being successful.
00:09:14.040 | The change in my mindset really helped me
00:09:18.800 | to make that goal attainable.
00:09:20.680 | - That is awesome.
00:09:23.680 | That is awesome.
00:09:24.520 | Okay, so listeners, what I hope that you wrote down
00:09:29.240 | in your mind, if not on a piece of paper,
00:09:31.360 | from what Kelly said, is that it's not just the big
00:09:36.360 | general goals of do better and study harder
00:09:41.600 | and finish more assignments.
00:09:44.780 | It's the specific measurable goals that lead you
00:09:49.780 | to be consistent and persistent and to take action.
00:09:54.900 | That's really good.
00:09:58.640 | Let me ask you this, Kelly.
00:09:59.840 | Do you feel like you are generally a productive person?
00:10:04.840 | - I think so.
00:10:08.200 | When I think about the word productive,
00:10:10.080 | I think that there's another P word
00:10:12.880 | that is associated with that and that's progress.
00:10:15.440 | And if you're productive, you should feel like
00:10:19.520 | you're moving forward in the most positive of ways
00:10:23.680 | to near a goal, to accomplish a goal.
00:10:27.880 | And I think over time, though, productivity
00:10:30.320 | has looked different in our homeschooling years
00:10:34.120 | based on the ages of our children.
00:10:36.840 | When my children were small, I would take out a notepad
00:10:40.680 | each day and I would write down three main things
00:10:43.720 | that I wanted to accomplish.
00:10:45.720 | And if I did those three things, that was a productive day.
00:10:49.160 | As my children have gotten older and more independent,
00:10:52.140 | my definition of productivity has changed
00:10:56.640 | because of how much I'm able to accomplish
00:10:58.880 | over the course of the day as that independence
00:11:02.520 | has grown in my children
00:11:03.960 | and I've transferred that over to them.
00:11:07.160 | So if you're a listener who has really small children,
00:11:10.840 | you may look at what you're able to accomplish and think,
00:11:14.120 | oh, I don't do that much.
00:11:15.760 | Well, there's a lot of invisible tasks that right now
00:11:20.240 | you are investing your time and energy into
00:11:24.400 | that is productive, that is creating progress,
00:11:28.160 | but you might not see the end result right now,
00:11:32.620 | but you are helping to create habits even in your children
00:11:36.920 | that will down the line help you to feel
00:11:39.640 | that you're being more productive as an individual
00:11:41.840 | and that truly your family is more productive
00:11:45.200 | because of the training and the skills
00:11:47.560 | that you were investing that time into when they were young.
00:11:52.120 | - Oh, I love that.
00:11:54.280 | It is so easy for us to say at the end of the day,
00:11:59.160 | we did half a math lesson.
00:12:03.400 | We read one story together
00:12:07.480 | and they each probably did 30 minutes of reading
00:12:12.180 | and we went through the memory work one time.
00:12:14.720 | This was not a productive day and you're right.
00:12:18.540 | I had days like that when my girls were young
00:12:21.520 | and I would have to force myself to look back and think,
00:12:26.300 | but we also baked muffins
00:12:32.260 | for the invalid neighbor next door.
00:12:36.720 | I taught my children to set the table correctly
00:12:40.920 | and they brought down their dirty laundry
00:12:44.000 | and carried their basket up.
00:12:46.120 | We memorized another verse of scripture together
00:12:51.040 | this morning.
00:12:52.640 | We played Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego with Daddy
00:12:56.640 | and we learned some more places in the world.
00:13:00.720 | There are small habits that we are inculcating
00:13:05.720 | in our children every day that are part
00:13:10.800 | of progress and part of our goals
00:13:15.480 | and part of being productive.
00:13:18.600 | Here's another truth.
00:13:20.600 | I was gonna ask you, are you always productive?
00:13:23.760 | You productive woman, you are.
00:13:25.240 | You always productive in all of your areas at the same time
00:13:30.240 | or do you have to take turns being productive in your work
00:13:35.400 | or in your tutoring or in your homemaking
00:13:40.280 | or in your Bible study?
00:13:42.680 | - Yeah, I mean, productivity is intensely personal
00:13:48.400 | because there will be different areas of your life
00:13:51.140 | that demand immediate attention at different points.
00:13:55.400 | And are we really being productive if we ignore the things
00:13:59.200 | that truly are the most important?
00:14:01.760 | I could be in the midst of doing a deep dive declutter
00:14:05.720 | of my kitchen, but one of my children runs into the room
00:14:09.740 | and says, "Oh my goodness, I just cut my hand open
00:14:12.920 | on a piece of glass."
00:14:13.760 | Well, you better believe my priorities are going
00:14:16.640 | to immediately be rescheduled because there is productivity
00:14:20.840 | but with productivity, there also is prioritization.
00:14:25.840 | So sometimes we can set out to have a day filled
00:14:29.800 | with the best of intentions, but life does happen.
00:14:34.340 | And we have to be willing to, as a good friend of mine says,
00:14:39.340 | hold the marbles that represent our day very loosely
00:14:45.200 | in our hands and to not determine our success or failure
00:14:50.080 | based on which marbles are still in our hands
00:14:53.340 | by the end of the day, because we have to be able
00:14:57.000 | to reprioritize based on need.
00:15:01.000 | I do believe though, that if we're thinking
00:15:03.960 | about a long-term goal, as opposed to the goals
00:15:07.520 | over the course of a day, that those habits
00:15:10.500 | that we intentionally build over the course of one day,
00:15:14.920 | spill over into the next day, and then the next week
00:15:18.000 | and the next month, and before long, in true habitual form,
00:15:23.000 | we don't even have to think about them,
00:15:25.200 | they become a part of who we are.
00:15:27.280 | And they can radically transform who we are as people,
00:15:30.940 | they can transform who we are as homeschoolers,
00:15:33.200 | they can help us to transform our children even
00:15:37.120 | and how they prioritize and how they think
00:15:39.880 | and how they plan and grow.
00:15:42.200 | So I think there's daily productivity,
00:15:45.120 | but also there is that intentional act
00:15:47.880 | of establishing those habits and building them one
00:15:51.200 | on top of the other, almost like building blocks,
00:15:53.800 | so that we can build that habit
00:15:57.240 | that becomes a part of who we are.
00:15:59.100 | Just like the five core habits that we promote
00:16:02.600 | in classical conversations, we want to practice them
00:16:07.520 | with intentionality to the point that they become a part
00:16:12.520 | of who we are.
00:16:14.440 | I may have to consciously think about naming things
00:16:17.680 | or attending to things or, oh, I need to memorize this.
00:16:21.080 | But after doing that for so long, eventually,
00:16:25.600 | I look at those now and I think, oh, I do that,
00:16:28.720 | I really do that, but I don't have the conscious decision
00:16:33.640 | any longer because those habits are a part
00:16:36.360 | of who I am as a homeschooler, which is the same thing.
00:16:39.400 | If we want to establish productivity,
00:16:41.640 | it's building those little habits so that eventually
00:16:46.160 | that productive person that we want to be is who we are
00:16:49.640 | without even having to really think or plan.
00:16:51.900 | And that's so much better than the wearying thought
00:16:56.520 | of having to consciously make every single choice
00:16:59.720 | to help us to accomplish a goal, right?
00:17:02.640 | - Yes, yes.
00:17:05.640 | I have a friend that I have homeschooled with
00:17:10.640 | for a long time, her kids are younger than mine,
00:17:14.300 | but we've known each other for years and years.
00:17:16.780 | And she has a really great perspective
00:17:23.160 | on trying to be successful.
00:17:28.620 | And it's really hard, let's just be honest,
00:17:31.440 | you and I have talked about this before,
00:17:32.860 | that coming back in January is hard for a lot of us
00:17:36.720 | as families because we look back and we can look back
00:17:40.620 | at the fall and think, oh, this went really well
00:17:43.660 | and some of these things did not go as well.
00:17:46.680 | But we're starting fresh and we're starting over
00:17:49.320 | and you think, well, I have the opportunity
00:17:52.680 | to really do great things.
00:17:55.120 | And sometimes you spend all these great plans in your head,
00:18:00.080 | but then the reality is that, man, we all got used
00:18:04.380 | to sleeping in and having snacks whenever we wanted to
00:18:09.380 | and not really having to do things
00:18:12.660 | that were not our favorite things.
00:18:15.060 | And now it's time to get back to the grindstone
00:18:18.260 | and oh my goodness, we have community next week
00:18:20.780 | and I have this many lessons to read
00:18:22.660 | or I've got to finish this book
00:18:24.620 | and somebody's gonna ask me about my science project.
00:18:28.040 | And there are all of these things
00:18:30.400 | and we can get really discouraged before we even begin.
00:18:35.400 | And so my friend said, I know that establishing a routine
00:18:42.360 | is what leads to productivity and productivity leads
00:18:51.960 | to success in whatever you are trying to achieve.
00:18:56.560 | Now my friend is a self-proclaimed loosey-goosey.
00:19:00.960 | Her mom, she says that she, and she learned this lesson
00:19:05.960 | about establishing a routine, she says the hard way
00:19:10.320 | because she did love the loosey-goosey life
00:19:12.920 | where you just follow your child's interest
00:19:16.000 | and you just do, you wake up every morning
00:19:19.000 | and see what grabs you or see what seems good
00:19:22.280 | and you just let that kind of take you.
00:19:24.280 | The tide takes you where it will.
00:19:27.040 | But she said, she discovered that that was not her friend
00:19:31.440 | and it was not actually the friend of her children.
00:19:34.480 | It's very difficult for your children's temperament
00:19:39.480 | sometimes to have no routine because I have discovered
00:19:44.200 | through years and years of working with my own kids
00:19:46.580 | but with a lot of other kids too,
00:19:48.920 | that children by and large actually thrive
00:19:53.060 | with some measure of predictability.
00:19:57.640 | They actually like, there is comfort for those small people
00:20:02.560 | in knowing that these same kinds of things
00:20:06.480 | are going to happen every day in pretty much the same order
00:20:11.480 | with basically the same people and these kinds of things
00:20:16.000 | will always be expected of me and these kinds of things
00:20:19.440 | will never be expected of me.
00:20:21.840 | And there is comfort in those boundaries.
00:20:26.840 | And so I found that to be true with my own children
00:20:30.460 | but my friend said, so when we came back
00:20:34.220 | from the long break at Christmas, I woke up and thought,
00:20:39.220 | oh no, this is gonna go, I don't know,
00:20:43.320 | this is not gonna go well.
00:20:44.500 | I feel like this is gonna be really hard.
00:20:46.420 | We're so out of our routine.
00:20:51.380 | And then she realized, no, we know what to do
00:20:55.460 | when we get up on a school week and on a school day
00:21:00.460 | and we are just, it is so rote,
00:21:04.240 | our routine is so well established.
00:21:07.180 | It's a habit that we do without thinking about it.
00:21:09.920 | And she said, she realized that because everybody knew
00:21:14.920 | what to do and when to do it and they were just kind of
00:21:20.760 | on autopilot even when they weren't feeling it,
00:21:24.480 | they were doing it and that that was going to result
00:21:28.880 | at the end of the day in a productive day
00:21:32.360 | and a whole string of those productive days
00:21:35.880 | were gonna add up to success.
00:21:37.760 | And she said, that was so reassuring.
00:21:42.280 | And I'm here to tell you that that is really the truth.
00:21:48.600 | One thing I've learned is that big detailed plans
00:21:53.600 | as much as I love them, Kelly, I do love me
00:21:57.960 | to make me some plans, but those big detailed plans
00:22:01.960 | don't have the power that small routines do.
00:22:06.600 | And sometimes my lofty goals and my big picture plans
00:22:11.400 | can just make me tired and they can get too complicated
00:22:15.640 | to be managed when I'm overwhelmed or when we are out
00:22:20.000 | of our regular routine.
00:22:21.980 | Why is that so true?
00:22:24.380 | Oh, because life happens, doesn't it?
00:22:27.680 | And regardless of what plans we have ahead of time,
00:22:32.680 | like I said, we have to, especially as homeschool parents,
00:22:37.260 | be prepared to reprioritize based on a moment.
00:22:41.480 | But we also have to know how to reserve our best yes
00:22:45.800 | for those things that would contribute to that end goal.
00:22:50.800 | If my goal is that all of my children do A, B, C
00:22:56.760 | over the course of the homeschooling day
00:22:59.240 | and a friend calls me up and says, it's beautiful outside,
00:23:03.220 | let's go to the park.
00:23:04.680 | Well, you know what?
00:23:05.520 | If I have established routines, our family may be in a place
00:23:09.360 | where on that day, I can say, yes, we can take time away.
00:23:13.840 | It will not detract from our goal because we are stepping
00:23:17.560 | out of the routine.
00:23:18.880 | But you also have to be able to, on the flip side,
00:23:23.880 | look at what your children have accomplished and go,
00:23:26.120 | you know what, maybe that is not the best yes for today.
00:23:30.680 | - Yes, good, that is really good.
00:23:34.560 | - That is the thing about routines,
00:23:37.840 | I think that it is so beneficial.
00:23:40.200 | Because when we make big goals and we don't establish
00:23:44.040 | the habits to build the routines, then the first time
00:23:48.200 | we hit a roadblock, we're derailed.
00:23:50.280 | - Oh yeah, oh yeah.
00:23:51.100 | - And we might as well throw in the towel and say,
00:23:54.440 | oh, woe is me, I can never accomplish anything.
00:23:57.000 | And that's just not so.
00:23:58.760 | But when we build small habits, one on top of the next,
00:24:03.360 | then if we have something that happens that derails us,
00:24:06.460 | well, we pick up again, and we continue to work that habit
00:24:10.440 | until it's established and then build.
00:24:13.140 | Kind of like, I guess if I'm thinking about Legos,
00:24:15.540 | when my children were young, they would build
00:24:17.720 | these huge Lego towers.
00:24:20.100 | And then one of my sons who will remain nameless
00:24:22.960 | was the more mischievously inclined, he would come
00:24:26.980 | and he would take one Lego out of this huge tower.
00:24:29.860 | And then the whole tower would tumble down.
00:24:32.360 | And his brother would say, oh no, my whole tower is gone.
00:24:36.080 | And I would say, well, let's build it back up.
00:24:38.200 | And he would sit there for a few minutes
00:24:40.680 | and bemoan his tower.
00:24:42.440 | But then he would start to rebuild it again.
00:24:44.740 | And somehow as adults, I think this kind of thinking
00:24:47.860 | doesn't transfer to us.
00:24:49.840 | - Isn't that funny, you're right.
00:24:51.760 | - We just bemoan the whole plan and think,
00:24:54.460 | oh, I can never do this thing.
00:24:57.260 | No, we have to take a lesson from our kids.
00:24:59.640 | - Yeah, we tend to throw out the whole plan
00:25:02.360 | and make a new one instead of saying,
00:25:05.620 | that's just a momentary blip, okay?
00:25:08.220 | So I still want the same plan, but I took a time out.
00:25:12.960 | And so I just need to get right back on it.
00:25:15.540 | I need to get right back to the plan.
00:25:18.320 | I love what you said about serendipity,
00:25:23.320 | those serendipity moments.
00:25:25.440 | Just because you have built habits and routines
00:25:32.620 | in for your family does not make you
00:25:36.520 | a lifelong stick in the mud.
00:25:38.460 | It does not mean that you will never say yes
00:25:43.080 | to suddenly offered fun, that you will never
00:25:48.080 | chase the rabbit, that you will never throw out
00:25:52.600 | the course guide for the fun activity hands-on.
00:25:57.600 | It doesn't mean that.
00:25:59.680 | Actually, when you have established routines,
00:26:03.920 | like you were saying, and you've established good habits,
00:26:08.820 | then you can say yes to the silly,
00:26:12.220 | or yes to the unexpected more easily,
00:26:16.020 | because you know that a momentary derailment
00:26:20.220 | is not permanent.
00:26:21.340 | You have not plunged over the cliff.
00:26:24.400 | You just jumped the track for a minute
00:26:26.820 | and you're gonna get back on.
00:26:29.140 | - That's right. - I love that.
00:26:30.780 | - Yes, do not sacrifice the fun and the spontaneous,
00:26:35.140 | but the routines are what allows that to happen
00:26:38.840 | without you feeling as if your whole habit tower
00:26:41.780 | is completely destroyed and you'll never be able
00:26:44.900 | to rebuild back to the goal that you want to achieve.
00:26:48.280 | Yes, keep the fun. (laughs)
00:26:50.320 | - Yes, and you can keep it without feeling guilty,
00:26:54.360 | which y'all, let's face it, if you're gonna do
00:26:56.840 | the serendipity thing but feel guilty the whole time,
00:26:59.880 | it just ruins it. - Yes.
00:27:02.300 | - You don't enjoy it, and frankly,
00:27:04.160 | you can be a wet blanket for your kids.
00:27:06.240 | Let's just don't, and say we did, okay?
00:27:10.720 | So let's talk about it.
00:27:12.280 | All right, I wanna be a little bit particular.
00:27:17.000 | I wanna say, what are some of these habits
00:27:19.820 | that you have uncovered over the years
00:27:23.520 | that propel your family to success?
00:27:26.600 | What are some of the habits that have led to routines
00:27:31.600 | that have become so automatic
00:27:34.960 | that they are bearing you on the tide of success?
00:27:39.960 | - This is such a great question,
00:27:41.720 | and I'm ashamed that it took me so long
00:27:43.720 | to figure some of these out. (laughs)
00:27:46.480 | But I will cheer them in hopes that they will help
00:27:49.200 | someone else who's not quite so far along
00:27:51.360 | on the journey. - There you go, excellent.
00:27:53.280 | - For me as a homeschooler, I don't think I was clued
00:27:56.400 | into the fact that my environment was so crucial
00:28:00.520 | in shaping my ability as a homeschooler
00:28:02.880 | to focus in on my children and what we were doing together.
00:28:07.880 | My environment needs to be in a place
00:28:11.160 | where I'm not in the back of my mind thinking,
00:28:13.520 | oh, what are we having for supper?
00:28:14.920 | Oh, there are all these things everywhere.
00:28:18.080 | And so for me, just because our home is our classroom,
00:28:23.080 | just like the rest of the world is our classroom,
00:28:25.640 | but a lot of our deep thinking occurs in that environment.
00:28:29.080 | Now, does it bother my children
00:28:30.520 | that there's a stack of dishes in the sink?
00:28:32.280 | Absolutely not, because they're from my children.
00:28:35.400 | But for me as a mom, when I'm sitting there
00:28:38.480 | and we're trying to solve algebra problems
00:28:40.420 | at the kitchen table, and I look over
00:28:42.720 | and I see all the to-do's that need to be to-done,
00:28:45.740 | I discovered that I needed to establish routines
00:28:49.600 | for our family that would contribute to me
00:28:52.340 | having the mental space to completely focus.
00:28:55.820 | And so I have, over the course of these last 20 years,
00:29:00.300 | created habits that helped me to have simple things,
00:29:04.220 | like an empty sink, or a swept floor
00:29:07.940 | where there are not mounds of crumbs
00:29:09.900 | that our little dog is lapping up all the time,
00:29:12.480 | or laundry under control.
00:29:14.660 | I won't say always done, because that would not be true.
00:29:17.140 | - Right, that's crazy, until your children
00:29:18.980 | don't live with you, that will not be true.
00:29:20.940 | - There will always be laundry, but laundry under,
00:29:23.100 | you know, laundry with a plan, things like that.
00:29:26.660 | And I think those in-home routines
00:29:30.120 | have also helped my children to have structure
00:29:32.380 | so that they know on certain days
00:29:34.380 | their laundry will be done, and that they can come get it,
00:29:37.220 | and they can fold it, because they're of that age now
00:29:39.580 | where they are consistently helping out.
00:29:41.920 | You know, knowing that I need to run
00:29:44.020 | the dishwasher at night, and then empty it
00:29:46.820 | first thing in the morning is a very practical thing,
00:29:50.220 | but it gives us a place to put our dirty dishes
00:29:52.160 | when we break from homeschooling for lunch,
00:29:54.180 | or we're having that afternoon snack.
00:29:57.500 | - I love that.
00:29:59.020 | - Those little habits that we've accumulated over time,
00:30:02.860 | because in true type A+ fashion, I thought that,
00:30:07.320 | oh, I'm just gonna do all the things,
00:30:08.780 | and be, quote unquote, be better.
00:30:10.920 | Well, that didn't happen, Lisa.
00:30:12.340 | That was a big, that was a recipe for crash and burn.
00:30:15.420 | - And you know what?
00:30:16.300 | Be better means something different
00:30:19.020 | to everybody in your family.
00:30:20.660 | - Yes, for sure.
00:30:21.500 | - And if homeschooling is a joint endeavor,
00:30:24.020 | then we need to define our terms.
00:30:25.900 | What does be better mean?
00:30:28.260 | - Exactly.
00:30:29.420 | - And just because, I mean, you're right.
00:30:31.380 | It does not bother, it never bothered my children
00:30:33.660 | that there were crumbs under the table
00:30:36.460 | that we were doing our reading on, but it bothered me,
00:30:40.380 | and so we just, that needed to become a defined thing,
00:30:44.840 | that we do, there are certain basic chores we do first,
00:30:49.200 | so that, like you said, our environment is hospitable
00:30:52.740 | for all of us, not just for some of us.
00:30:57.280 | - Right, well, and I will say,
00:30:58.940 | as far as homeschooling itself is concerned,
00:31:02.120 | I think some of the habits
00:31:03.200 | that we've tried to establish as a family,
00:31:06.560 | one of them we lovingly refer to
00:31:08.200 | as eating our frogs before breakfast.
00:31:10.320 | - How funny.
00:31:11.600 | - So we look at, my children look at what they need
00:31:14.560 | to accomplish, and they take care of the task
00:31:18.080 | that they look at with dread and disdain first,
00:31:21.820 | and just like productivity is personal,
00:31:25.560 | that choice is personal too, and for each of my children,
00:31:28.540 | that is a different frog that they take care of,
00:31:33.020 | but just knowing that they've accomplished that,
00:31:36.300 | that is the building block, they eat breakfast,
00:31:39.260 | and then it's time for the frog,
00:31:42.160 | and then after that, it becomes almost
00:31:44.840 | like a snowball effect.
00:31:46.120 | The day becomes increasingly easier
00:31:48.080 | because the guard is taking care of the difficult thing,
00:31:50.960 | so that's been incredibly helpful to them as students
00:31:55.960 | to know that, you know what,
00:31:56.960 | I'm gonna invest my energy, and I'm gonna get this done,
00:32:00.240 | and throughout our years as a homeschooling family,
00:32:03.360 | that has looked different based on the ages of my children,
00:32:06.600 | because we've been through seasons
00:32:08.160 | where I have one or two children napping
00:32:11.000 | while another child does school,
00:32:12.580 | or we've had different iterations
00:32:15.260 | of what our most productive day looked like,
00:32:18.320 | and as a parent, you need to take time
00:32:20.680 | to look at your family,
00:32:21.600 | what are your family's rhythms of the day,
00:32:23.720 | and think about, okay, you know what,
00:32:26.800 | I want to accomplish these tasks,
00:32:28.840 | when is the best time, and choosing that best time
00:32:33.040 | can help you in building that routine,
00:32:35.980 | because if you're trying to kick against the bricks,
00:32:39.300 | and you're trying to get something
00:32:41.140 | that takes a lot of mental energy done
00:32:43.420 | at the time when, oh my goodness,
00:32:45.580 | we used to jokingly refer to it as the witching hour,
00:32:49.220 | at our house, whenever it was almost supper time,
00:32:53.140 | and everyone was hungry,
00:32:54.900 | and slightly disgruntled when they were young.
00:32:57.660 | If I had tried to do deep thinking work at that time,
00:33:02.660 | I would have been defeating myself before I even began.
00:33:07.040 | So sometimes taking that extra time
00:33:09.540 | to consider the rhythm of your day,
00:33:11.200 | and your family members, and the rhythms of their day,
00:33:15.960 | can help you to be able to know when to build the habits,
00:33:19.520 | and not just what habits to build.
00:33:22.160 | - Yeah, I think that's really smart.
00:33:24.680 | I think that the power of routine
00:33:29.680 | is that you do it automatically,
00:33:33.640 | even if you're tired, even if somebody is sick or missing,
00:33:38.640 | even if you don't want to,
00:33:44.640 | or even if you haven't done it in a long time.
00:33:47.440 | And so when we start back to school in January,
00:33:52.120 | or in second semester, if there are things that we know,
00:33:56.920 | we just have a routine, we have a rhythm.
00:34:00.400 | Everybody gets up, like you said, we all get up,
00:34:03.920 | and it may be different, listeners, at your house.
00:34:07.200 | The order may be different,
00:34:08.860 | but you need to establish some routines
00:34:13.400 | that your children can follow
00:34:16.360 | without a lot of redirection,
00:34:19.800 | without a lot of negotiation.
00:34:22.480 | There are things that just aren't.
00:34:23.760 | We all get up.
00:34:25.040 | For my kids, it's we get up,
00:34:28.440 | and we immediately make our bed.
00:34:30.160 | Don't come down until you make your bed,
00:34:32.140 | because I know how it works.
00:34:35.040 | If you go back upstairs to find something,
00:34:37.160 | you might crawl back in that bed, so let's not.
00:34:40.480 | So we get up, we make our bed, we eat our breakfast,
00:34:43.320 | we do the frog, and then maybe your children know
00:34:47.680 | it's time to read together,
00:34:50.280 | or every morning they know that they're gonna do math first,
00:34:55.280 | they're gonna have devotion, then they're gonna do math,
00:34:58.240 | and then we're gonna have a read time.
00:35:00.160 | And so everybody does the hard thing,
00:35:02.940 | if math is your hard thing, they do that hard thing first
00:35:06.960 | so that they get to the easy thing,
00:35:11.060 | or the snuggly thing, or the together thing.
00:35:14.140 | Develop routines.
00:35:17.000 | I think it's really important.
00:35:18.440 | One of your routines might be that everybody's
00:35:21.120 | school supplies are in a certain box or a certain bin,
00:35:27.080 | and everybody goes to get their own bin every day.
00:35:30.360 | My kids, our house was really small
00:35:33.280 | when the girls were young, and we homeschooled
00:35:36.320 | at the breakfast room, well, it was the breakfast room
00:35:39.200 | and the dining room table, it was the only table we had,
00:35:41.820 | and it was that we had a bookshelf,
00:35:44.460 | and they each had a little tote that had their pencils
00:35:49.460 | and their rulers and their glue stick and their markers
00:35:53.800 | and their bookmarks and whatever they needed in there,
00:35:57.920 | and they had a board that they put down
00:36:00.760 | so that when they bore down really hard with their pencil,
00:36:04.240 | they did not etch their math problems
00:36:06.300 | into my dining room table, which did not always happen,
00:36:09.960 | but now, as a mom with grown children,
00:36:13.280 | I like the fact that I can still read
00:36:15.680 | the five times five is 25 at my table.
00:36:20.100 | But anyway, they knew to get their boxes,
00:36:23.360 | and they knew when we're done with school, you put it back.
00:36:26.600 | So routines like that mean
00:36:30.040 | that you're not spending 30 minutes,
00:36:32.360 | everybody looking for their pencil,
00:36:34.060 | or 15 minutes looking for the Bob book
00:36:37.120 | that you threw under the couch in December,
00:36:39.960 | and now you don't know where it is.
00:36:41.980 | So all of those kinds of things.
00:36:44.580 | If you decide on, I had one friend who had 10 children.
00:36:51.600 | She homeschooled all 10 of her children.
00:36:53.440 | They're a wonderful family.
00:36:55.720 | But she went through a season when she had lots of littles,
00:36:59.400 | and getting them dressed in the morning was a nightmare,
00:37:03.960 | and deciding who was gonna wear what,
00:37:06.420 | and oh, you have my shirt, no, that's my shirt,
00:37:09.140 | and this doesn't match and that doesn't match.
00:37:11.880 | And she instituted, she bought pullover jumpers
00:37:16.260 | for the girls and jeans for the boys,
00:37:20.280 | and they had like three shirts a piece,
00:37:22.800 | and they got up and there was no question.
00:37:25.440 | You put on this shirt, you put on this jumper,
00:37:28.440 | and that's what you're wearing.
00:37:29.560 | And they all wore the same thing
00:37:31.800 | because she needed to get through that part of the day
00:37:35.480 | to get to the routine that was gonna bring them success.
00:37:40.020 | - Absolutely, absolutely.
00:37:42.200 | Well, and you know, Lisa, the funny thing is,
00:37:43.880 | now that we're, oh goodness, my eldest is 20.
00:37:49.120 | So if I say that our first homeschooling days
00:37:51.540 | began when he was born,
00:37:54.280 | you know, there are some routines and habits
00:37:57.040 | that we established at certain points in our life
00:38:00.260 | that turned our day almost into a dance,
00:38:02.880 | where you just danced from one thing to the next,
00:38:06.160 | and now I reflect on those routines,
00:38:09.920 | and there's so much joy,
00:38:11.560 | I almost don't want to stop the routine.
00:38:15.880 | I have, we had a similar situation with our children's
00:38:19.360 | school supplies when they were young.
00:38:21.620 | We were all around one little table in an apartment,
00:38:25.120 | and so to corral all the school supplies,
00:38:28.500 | I saved tin cans and wrapped them in masking tape,
00:38:33.400 | in duct tape, and then put them in a shower caddy.
00:38:37.100 | And so I still have this shower caddy
00:38:40.880 | with our little tin cans that have our dry erase markers
00:38:43.960 | and our colored pencils, and do my two students
00:38:47.660 | who are now in high school still need that?
00:38:51.200 | No, but it was such an endearing part
00:38:54.480 | of our family's homeschooling routine
00:38:57.360 | to have that sitting on the table.
00:38:59.000 | They knew homeschool was beginning for the day
00:39:01.520 | when I put that caddy on the table.
00:39:03.560 | I simply cannot bring myself to let it go quite yet,
00:39:08.220 | because those routines were endearing,
00:39:11.640 | and they were a sign that homeschool was in session,
00:39:14.760 | and we were beginning our studies.
00:39:17.000 | And there is a joy and a peacefulness
00:39:22.000 | that will pervade your household
00:39:24.400 | when you find that sweet spot for those habits and routines.
00:39:29.300 | - That is the most encouraging thing,
00:39:31.600 | potentially, that you have said.
00:39:33.720 | And that is the perfect place for us to end.
00:39:36.720 | Here's the truth, establishing some routines
00:39:41.660 | will lead you to productivity
00:39:45.040 | that you don't have to belabor every day,
00:39:48.080 | and will eventually bring you success.
00:39:51.200 | But what those kinds of routines will bring your homeschool
00:39:56.000 | and your family is peace.
00:39:59.040 | And isn't that what we all want a little bit more of
00:40:02.000 | in this thing here? - Absolutely.
00:40:03.520 | Absolutely. - Absolutely, absolutely.
00:40:06.060 | Well, parents, this has been a great time of encouragement,
00:40:09.300 | I hope, along with some fresh practical ideas for you.
00:40:14.300 | I have one more thing I wanna tell you about
00:40:16.640 | that might also be a new idea for you,
00:40:20.280 | but could possibly prove to be the best thing
00:40:22.760 | you ever did for yourself.
00:40:24.400 | If you are looking to level up your skills
00:40:28.060 | in guiding and assessing your students' learning at home,
00:40:31.960 | I wanna talk to you about the classical learning cohort.
00:40:36.780 | The spring semester is just getting started.
00:40:40.940 | Six times throughout this semester,
00:40:43.720 | you can meet online with a small group
00:40:46.720 | of other homeschool parents who are on this same mission
00:40:50.300 | to grow their understanding about classical education
00:40:53.480 | and develop lifelong skills for guiding their students
00:40:58.480 | through the truth of learning.
00:41:00.620 | Your cohort would be led by an experienced mentor
00:41:05.080 | who will walk you all through
00:41:06.840 | some hands-on practical assignments,
00:41:10.200 | helping you learn how to give good classical assessments,
00:41:14.640 | helping you to grab your students' attention,
00:41:19.900 | giving them an exhortium into what you're getting ready
00:41:23.080 | to study together, and then developing a review
00:41:27.200 | that'll help you engage your student with every lesson.
00:41:31.640 | If you wanna keep growing in your knowledge
00:41:35.500 | and as your skills too, as a classical educator,
00:41:40.040 | the learning cohort might really be for you.
00:41:42.580 | So spaces are limited and I don't want you guys to miss out,
00:41:46.540 | so don't wait, go to classicalconversations.com/cohort.
00:41:55.420 | You can find out more information and you can sign up.
00:41:59.280 | That's classicalconversations.com/cohort.
00:42:04.280 | Okay, you guys, go and establish a routine
00:42:10.180 | that will make you truly productive
00:42:12.800 | and find peace in your home.
00:42:15.380 | And I'll see you next time, bye.