back to index2024-08-09_Friday_QA
00:00:18.760 |
Welcome to Radical Personal Finance, a show dedicated to providing you with the knowledge, 00:00:21.720 |
skills, insights, and encouragement you need for the rich and meaningful life now, while 00:00:25.400 |
building a plan for financial freedom in 10 years or less. 00:00:28.120 |
My name is Joshua, I'm your host, today is Friday, August 9, 2024. 00:00:32.820 |
And on this Friday, as we do on any Friday in which I can arrange to record a live show, 00:00:38.840 |
Open line Friday, you call in, talk about anything you want, raise any topic, raise 00:00:46.800 |
If you would like to gain access to one of these Friday Q&A shows, you can do that by 00:00:54.360 |
becoming a patron of the show, go to patreon.com/radicalpersonalfinance, support the show on Patreon and that will gain access 00:01:03.000 |
for you to one of these Friday Q&A shows, and I will welcome you to do that. 00:01:13.400 |
Yeah, I was hoping for some personal advice from you today. 00:01:19.440 |
I'm pretty good at thinking things through, so I spent the last few minutes waiting for 00:01:24.640 |
the pop on the call and trying to elegantly frame the question, but I'll just jump right 00:01:30.040 |
Basically, I'm in my late 20s and trying to figure out some direction with a career. 00:01:35.840 |
I've got a few different things that I've had going for quite some time, different kind 00:01:40.880 |
of part-time jobs and pseudo careers in different fields, and I've bounced between things a 00:01:47.200 |
I'm really trying to narrow in on one thing, and so I'm not quite sure what direction to 00:01:54.820 |
I was hoping I could maybe lay that out to you. 00:01:57.360 |
Yeah, so the business I quite literally grew up in was a commercial real estate appraisal 00:02:03.240 |
So there's a family business that I've worked for for some time, and most of my corporate 00:02:12.080 |
I've also gone back and forth between that and the idea of vocational ministry inside 00:02:18.360 |
Both of those have kind of panned out to an extent, to somewhat, but they each kind of 00:02:25.120 |
have their problems, and so I'm kind of bouncing between these two things and also maybe considering 00:02:32.840 |
The family business, you know, there's a lot of opportunity there. 00:02:37.520 |
There's a lot of opportunity to be an owner in this business, to grow it, but every time 00:02:41.840 |
I kind of jump fully into that, there's just tensions that arise, family dynamics that 00:02:48.480 |
come up, things that kind of inhibit further growth. 00:02:55.200 |
So I've looked at that, jumping into the business, I've looked at maybe having a career in real 00:02:59.440 |
estate appraisal apart from that, but to be honest, the appraisal work itself is at times 00:03:05.440 |
a little bit soul-crushing for me, so that's why I was kind of pivoting into ministry. 00:03:10.680 |
I live in Los Angeles, and it's been tough to kind of pursue that full-time. 00:03:17.200 |
It's kind of a lifestyle where I would have to do that and do something else, and I'm 00:03:21.880 |
not quite sure that I want to have all these different careers for the rest of my life. 00:03:27.760 |
So yeah, I'm really kind of not sure what questions to ask as I kind of interpret, like, 00:03:33.080 |
okay, how do I narrow in on something and just focus and pursue something? 00:03:38.200 |
I don't know if that makes any sense whatsoever. 00:03:43.480 |
Are there other people in the family involved? 00:03:48.320 |
- Yeah, so my dad started it in the early '90s. 00:03:58.400 |
The business is actually in New Orleans where I'm from. 00:04:01.280 |
I live in Los Angeles because life kind of brought me out here a few years ago, and I've 00:04:05.240 |
worked remotely with a lot of travel back and forth for that business. 00:04:10.600 |
The potential for growth, there's my parents are partners in the business. 00:04:14.720 |
We have one other partner, and then myself as a part owner right now. 00:04:25.240 |
One of them works for the company along with his wife. 00:04:30.480 |
- And what's the source of the tension in the family business? 00:04:36.160 |
- Yeah, so, without getting too much away on the air, I guess, in case they ever listen 00:04:45.240 |
to this, just like a bit of tension between myself and my parents. 00:04:52.960 |
Whenever I kind of move back to New Orleans and try to invest fully in the business, there's 00:04:58.480 |
just things that come up about ways that I should live my life and different things like 00:05:02.400 |
that that kind of create a lot of tension and threats of disownment. 00:05:10.360 |
And then the business always gets pulled into that as much as we try to separate business 00:05:17.380 |
The family issues are more personal, separate from the business, but then we'll be sitting 00:05:22.680 |
in the office, and if there's a disagreement about business, then all of a sudden personal 00:05:27.720 |
things get brought up, and it's like, "Wait, that doesn't really have a place here." 00:05:33.280 |
- Broadly speaking, do you and your parents share similar worldviews, similar philosophies, 00:05:39.080 |
similar lifestyles, or is there a radical difference there? 00:05:45.440 |
For the most part, they raised me to have kind of the same faith as them, similar worldview, 00:05:55.680 |
- Okay, well, let's start with the family business. 00:05:58.720 |
Financially speaking, almost certainly your best long-term financial opportunity is to 00:06:04.720 |
get involved in something related to a family business. 00:06:08.000 |
Now that kind of commentary would need to always be qualified based upon the specific 00:06:12.440 |
type or nature of the business, but if you can get involved in a family business where 00:06:18.340 |
you have an inside track to leadership in the business and you have the knowledge and 00:06:25.520 |
accumulated experience from people who are trustworthy, you trust them and they trust 00:06:30.640 |
you, financially speaking, that's probably your best opportunity, 'cause that can cut 00:06:35.480 |
10 or 20 years off of your learning curve of starting any other business. 00:06:40.640 |
So if you come in at, say, 30 years old and you have a clear pathway to running the business, 00:06:49.800 |
then that's probably 20 years ahead of where you otherwise would be. 00:06:54.760 |
So we always wanna prioritize that because it's the fast track. 00:06:58.960 |
Now simultaneously, there are a whole set of potential downsides of family business. 00:07:05.480 |
If the family can't function well together and if there's not a clear sense of shared 00:07:11.000 |
purpose and vision and a camaraderie and a sense of synergy among you and any other family 00:07:18.560 |
members that are involved in the business, then it could be a complete source of just 00:07:23.720 |
wasted time, where you invest years into the business and eventually the family stuff undoes 00:07:30.800 |
Unfortunately, a lot of that is really not gonna be up to you. 00:07:36.480 |
If they're the ones who started the business, they're the ones who nurtured the business, 00:07:40.880 |
they're the ones who built it, they're the ones who control it. 00:07:43.980 |
You may own 5% of the business, which means that your voice is completely worthless in 00:07:50.880 |
And so in order for the family business to really be a good long-term opportunity for 00:07:57.200 |
you, I think your parents would have to have the vision that they're working very hard 00:08:05.020 |
to pass the business over to you, and that there's going to be a—to you and to your 00:08:12.680 |
brother or sister, whoever's involved with you—there's going to be a transition period 00:08:22.960 |
But if they're doing it effectively and they have a vision for getting out, then it 00:08:30.360 |
If they don't have a vision for getting out, then it could just be a complete nightmare 00:08:33.800 |
for you and you never should get involved in the first place. 00:08:36.940 |
So you need to engage in an honest assessment. 00:08:39.820 |
And I really see that this is one of those—it can be extremely good and it can be extremely 00:08:45.840 |
And there's probably not so much in the middle. 00:08:49.040 |
And with what you're describing, it's probably on the road to being extremely bad unless 00:08:53.480 |
you can present some evidence to yourself that no, mom and dad actually are intentionally 00:09:02.600 |
Now I would say that you're at an ideal age to start these conversations. 00:09:07.080 |
Twenty-two is probably too young for you to be talking—for mom and dad to be talking 00:09:12.280 |
with you seriously about taking over the family business because you have not been tested. 00:09:18.020 |
You have not demonstrated your worth and value in the marketplace. 00:09:22.040 |
You haven't had enough time to mature and set the course of your life. 00:09:27.400 |
That seems like a pretty good age—30 to 35, 30 to 40. 00:09:31.980 |
With a kind of an intentional transition period, this would be really good. 00:09:35.680 |
The challenge is, do your parents have the vision to extricate themselves and to move 00:09:41.280 |
into the elder senior advisor role, which is going to mean that they have to be willing 00:09:48.920 |
to turn over responsibility, turn over vision, turn over actual ownership, turn over actual 00:09:59.620 |
So you need to get some kind of assessment as to see, are we actually going in this direction 00:10:05.820 |
Do you think it would be comfortable if you fly to New Orleans and you spend a weekend 00:10:10.960 |
Would it be comfortable to just spend hours talking about the future of the business and 00:10:17.080 |
Is that something that could flow smoothly among you? 00:10:21.820 |
I actually have a trip coming up next week, a regularly scheduled trip to New Orleans 00:10:28.200 |
So I would suggest that this be a standard part of your discussion. 00:10:31.920 |
What you need to be confident about is, what do your parents actually see? 00:10:42.000 |
So I don't think you should be super hasty about any particular decision. 00:10:45.480 |
If they haven't thought about it and they don't have a vision, okay, fine, well, we'll 00:10:48.520 |
just start talking about it and it may take a couple of years. 00:10:51.880 |
But you need to have confidence that they're actually planning to turn the business over 00:10:58.440 |
to you and then we got to talk about your sibling and see how that would work out. 00:11:03.440 |
But it needs to be something that they're working very intentionally towards. 00:11:07.680 |
It's not the kind of thing that's likely to be three years, but it shouldn't be 20 years 00:11:12.760 |
and it probably shouldn't even be 10, maybe 10 as the longest, and I'm just kind of making 00:11:19.120 |
I'm trying to say that you don't want to arrive yourself at 40 years old and at that point 00:11:24.560 |
in time find out that, no, mom and dad don't have even the slightest hint of giving up 00:11:29.880 |
control and you're going to be sitting around until you're 70 when they're finally dead 00:11:36.280 |
But by that time you're going to be fighting with your sibling nonstop and it's just going 00:11:40.040 |
It would have been better off for you to go off on your own and build your own thing. 00:11:48.520 |
If you can do that, then financially that would probably be your biggest opportunity. 00:11:52.920 |
Now we then have to go to the lifestyle of do you actually like the business? 00:11:56.600 |
Is this because we don't want something that's soul crushing? 00:11:59.400 |
But maybe that's just the current job that you're in and maybe it could grow from there. 00:12:04.920 |
But it's important that you really have confidence that mom and dad, if I can demonstrate my 00:12:10.760 |
competence and my trustworthiness, mom and dad really want to turn this thing over to 00:12:18.680 |
If that's there, then you could proceed forward down kind of the pathway in a systematic way. 00:12:24.120 |
If it's not there and you become convinced it's not there, don't even do it because I've 00:12:30.520 |
seen this with my own grandfather and his father. 00:12:33.760 |
My own grandfather lost 15 years of his life because his father needed some work done. 00:12:43.900 |
My grandfather said, "All right, I'll do it." 00:12:46.080 |
But my great grandfather was never willing and able to give up control. 00:12:53.200 |
My grandfather could never please his father. 00:12:56.040 |
He was never able to cross over and gain the respect of his father, even though objectively 00:13:03.000 |
I don't see any reason that that shouldn't have been obvious. 00:13:06.240 |
But my great grandfather was such a control freak and such a terrible manager of human 00:13:13.400 |
relations and had no vision for kind of what he's actually growing and building in the 00:13:18.120 |
long run that it robbed my grandfather of a decade and a half of his life. 00:13:23.120 |
So just be super careful of that because you don't want to lose a decade and a half of 00:13:28.440 |
I think the thing I'm comparing it to, again, so it would be kind of a total career pivot, 00:13:36.200 |
which what I've been considering is law school. 00:13:40.400 |
So while I'm working for my parents and doing these other odd jobs, I have been kind of 00:13:44.320 |
on the side just studying for the LSAT, about to take it tomorrow, putting together the 00:13:48.880 |
application package, you know, my practice test, I'm taking it for real, practice tests 00:13:54.480 |
are coming in like upper 160s, low 170s, so like there could be some opportunity for a 00:13:58.520 |
good school there and maybe some scholarship opportunity. 00:14:01.360 |
But I'm hesitant with the whole idea of, I know I'm only 28, but there's still this kind 00:14:05.840 |
of sense of like, man, do I start from scratch, do three years of school, grind it out at 00:14:12.440 |
a firm for a few years before I really start making progress in that career? 00:14:16.880 |
I'm in my mid thirties at that point, not quite sure how to gauge all of that. 00:14:25.000 |
There is someone I would like to move towards marriage with, but yeah, currently single. 00:14:32.800 |
If you're scoring well on the LSAT and you have an interest in it, I think you should 00:14:37.840 |
One of my great regrets for myself is that I didn't go to law school. 00:14:40.640 |
I may still go in the future, don't cry for me, but in hindsight, I look back on it and 00:14:46.240 |
I see that my mind is perfectly suited for the legal business and the legal business 00:14:57.940 |
It won't take that long, even if you do go ahead and marry. 00:15:01.160 |
If you find a woman who's fantastic, go ahead and marry, but you won't regret getting it 00:15:07.000 |
done and all you got to do is basically get through the first year where it's the most 00:15:11.720 |
intense, and then you'll be able to go to these other aspects and that will give you 00:15:15.760 |
an extremely valuable career plan that you can use in so many expressions. 00:15:22.000 |
And I would see that as an ideal fit even for your inclinations to Christian ministry, 00:15:28.520 |
that having the ability to be a self-employed lawyer with even just a modest independent 00:15:36.720 |
practice that gives you control over yourself, you'd be giving up the highest potential income, 00:15:42.000 |
but it would give you the foundation to have the flexibility for effective Christian ministry. 00:15:49.120 |
And you're never going to be free of effective Christian ministry. 00:15:52.560 |
You are called to be a minister because you are a Christian man. 00:15:56.620 |
Now that's different than signing up for a job working for a big church that's going 00:16:01.240 |
to pay you a big salary, and so finding a balance where you can effectively express 00:16:06.600 |
your ministry work and also earn income and support your family, and sometimes those things 00:16:13.880 |
To me that would be ideal, but I don't see any reason why you wouldn't prioritize going 00:16:20.840 |
And then on the other side of law school, there are lots of new opportunities open to 00:16:26.120 |
There is the legal career, but it's such a phenomenal foundation for so many other aspects 00:16:30.920 |
of corporate work, business work, that it's just an incredibly flexible and effective 00:16:43.480 |
Before you go too deep, sound out your mom and dad. 00:16:48.520 |
Start talking with your sibling that's in the business. 00:16:51.840 |
And I would be blunt about it, meaning that there's no reason to pussyfoot around here 00:17:00.040 |
Clearly, you don't want to overstep your boundaries. 00:17:06.220 |
You're not trying to take the business from your mom and dad, but you're trying to get 00:17:09.740 |
a clear idea of, "Hey, what are you thinking? 00:17:16.860 |
There might be a woman out there, I'm thinking about my life, I'd like to understand. 00:17:21.160 |
I'm interested in this career, I'm interested in the business, I'm worried about what that 00:17:25.460 |
would look like, given some of our other questions and other challenges, what are your intentions? 00:17:30.900 |
I think that if I were talking to your parents, what I would tell them is it's the responsibility 00:17:36.300 |
of the parental generation to be intentionally, in a very focused way, vacating the seats 00:17:43.100 |
of leadership and moving into the seats of being an advisor. 00:17:46.940 |
It's the same exact model in business as it is as a parent. 00:17:50.340 |
As a father, in the early years of my children's lives, I'm working really, really hard to 00:17:56.100 |
control them, to control what they do, to control how they do it, to control how they 00:18:02.300 |
I'm being super, super intentional to control their activities, control their development, 00:18:08.100 |
all of those things in a very controlling way. 00:18:11.220 |
Then as they start to hit double digits in age, then I'm very intentionally pulling back 00:18:18.860 |
my control, and I'm very intentionally pushing them into situations that are going to continue 00:18:26.140 |
I want them to be exposed to challenges that they don't quite feel prepared for, I want 00:18:30.940 |
them to be stretched, I want them to be pushed, I want them to be pushed beyond a little bit 00:18:36.700 |
Not pushed to the point of being broken, but I want them to fail continually because they're 00:18:41.980 |
And then the goal is, very aggressively, I'm moving them towards independence so that when 00:18:48.700 |
my children reach adulthood, I am no longer trying to push them in any way. 00:18:56.460 |
I'm there as an advisor who's ready for them when they ask a question and who's simply 00:19:04.460 |
And then as adults, I would only step in if I saw a potentially fatal error, just like 00:19:12.540 |
But I'm not going to be in controlling their lives or manipulating them or doing any of 00:19:17.260 |
So with a business, it should be a similar pathway, especially if I have children that 00:19:23.220 |
In the early years, I'm going to really put the yoke on them. 00:19:27.060 |
I'm going to try to break them, put heavy responsibility, heavy control, this is how 00:19:32.180 |
You know, you're going to work your way up from the bottom. 00:19:39.500 |
There's a bit of hazing, right, a bit of an apprentice program, a little bit of indentured 00:19:47.300 |
It's just a test to see, do you really want it? 00:19:54.300 |
Why do you go through a boot camp experience in most militaries? 00:19:57.460 |
Well, part of it is to very quickly convey a whole lot of knowledge and a whole lot of 00:20:03.180 |
But a lot of it is to test the person, to see, are you the kind of person who breaks 00:20:07.520 |
So in a business-wise, we're not doing a boot camp, but you're trying to put on and 00:20:11.820 |
say, are you the kind of person who breaks under pressure or are you a man of character? 00:20:16.220 |
Once there's evidence that, no, this guy's a man of character, he can handle it, then 00:20:21.940 |
they should be pulling that off intentionally. 00:20:24.100 |
And then it's a matter of teaching, teaching, teaching, teaching, teaching, raising up to 00:20:28.460 |
positions of authority and leadership and power, putting responsibility onto the shoulders, 00:20:34.340 |
and then intentionally moving into a position of being a senior advisor. 00:20:39.020 |
And so ideally, by the time, if I'm running a family business and my children are taking 00:20:44.060 |
over, by the time I'm hitting my 50s and 60s, I'm basically out of it and I've turned it 00:20:49.520 |
over to the children who were in their 30s and 40s. 00:20:52.920 |
And by setting that cycle, hopefully, well, I'm still there, I'm still involved, but I'm 00:20:58.160 |
no longer driving it, then we're raising up maturity. 00:21:01.760 |
And that's what we need in the next generation. 00:21:03.400 |
So I see a parallel there, and that's what I think, that's what, in my mind, your parents 00:21:09.080 |
But in order to do that, they have to be willing to let you fail, they have to be willing to 00:21:13.120 |
let you make mistakes, and they have to be willing to give up control, which is understandably 00:21:19.080 |
For people who have the kind of personality and character to go out and start a family 00:21:23.480 |
business and then to nurture it into maturity and to deal with all of that, to then intentionally 00:21:32.180 |
pull back requires a very different mindset than a lot of people have, which is why it 00:21:38.480 |
Yeah, that really helps me clarify kind of the question that's in front of me. 00:21:49.560 |
Keep in touch, talk with them, and then let's see where things go in the coming months. 00:22:04.520 |
A basic question is, how do you feel about owning a franchise? 00:22:09.280 |
And a second layer with that is, obviously, numbers matter for a franchise, all that kind 00:22:16.080 |
of stuff, but in general, but also especially when you bear it in mind against buying an 00:22:20.160 |
existing business, starting something else from scratch. 00:22:24.040 |
I feel very positively inclined towards franchises. 00:22:30.040 |
I was going to do a separate show on this, I'll stick it in here, and who knows whether 00:22:33.040 |
I do it in the future, but I consider my biggest business mistake that I never understood until 00:22:40.080 |
literally about probably three years ago was my biggest business mistake in my own life 00:22:47.640 |
was thinking that the basic element of being a businessman was having a good business idea. 00:22:54.560 |
For whatever reason, I always thought, I studied business, I got a degree in business, I wanted 00:22:59.180 |
to be a businessman, I wanted to be an entrepreneur. 00:23:01.400 |
And I thought for years and years and years that, okay, that means I need to come up with 00:23:08.160 |
And so I would spend my time looking for a good business idea. 00:23:10.880 |
And even the business that you know of radical personal finance, it was founded on the concept 00:23:17.240 |
of a good business idea, meaning a style of show, a type of content that would be unique 00:23:25.680 |
In hindsight, that was the dumbest, most short-sighted thing I could ever do. 00:23:30.160 |
It would have been so much smarter to just simply choose a business that is working and 00:23:38.040 |
And so franchising is kind of a shortcut pathway to choosing a business that's working and 00:23:45.420 |
So I think that it should be a primary opportunity that many people look into because it is the 00:23:53.540 |
most direct pathway to having all of the benefits of business ownership. 00:24:05.120 |
It simply requires an appropriate concept, an appropriate market to apply that concept 00:24:11.140 |
to, appropriate financial capacity for the business owner, and appropriate execution 00:24:17.820 |
on the plan mixed with just a little bit of serendipity with the marketplace. 00:24:26.600 |
Yeah, I mean, I guess that's with that, if you're taking that, how that compares maybe 00:24:35.520 |
against as well like a franchise versus buying an existing business. 00:24:40.960 |
So there, I think it's going to come down to the actual concepts of the specific franchise 00:24:46.680 |
or franchises that you're interested in, the specific dollar figures involved. 00:24:54.640 |
So we can understand the value of a franchise from the franchisor's perspective. 00:25:00.080 |
I have frequently recommended to people that they franchise their business because it's 00:25:03.480 |
a great way to get a lot of additional value out of a business, especially in a business 00:25:08.840 |
that can't quite, that's unlikely to just spread with you running everything and owning 00:25:14.320 |
But in the value, the time that can be saved by coming into a business that is structured, 00:25:20.720 |
that is systematized, and especially if there's a potential for a brand name to be building 00:25:25.480 |
and sending you business directly from the value of the brand is really, really valuable. 00:25:34.080 |
And there's lots of businesses that are well run, that have good business owners there, 00:25:38.960 |
and they just aren't or weren't the kind of people who are aggressively trying to get 00:25:42.920 |
every dollar they could possibly get from it. 00:25:45.240 |
So they just run their business and they're good to go. 00:25:49.240 |
And especially in today's world with the retiring baby boom generation, I think that if you 00:25:53.560 |
can come across one of those, then it's worth doing. 00:25:57.860 |
It's hard sometimes to come across them because they're often not advertised until the very 00:26:02.840 |
end when they're with a business broker, whereas franchises are aggressively advertised so 00:26:12.960 |
Do you have any thoughts on, and obviously each franchise does things a little bit different, 00:26:20.720 |
do you have any feelings on when it comes to actually the back-end brands, the ongoing 00:26:29.160 |
royalties and stuff, how much past a certain point is not worth it? 00:26:35.680 |
I'm going to guess that the answer to that is going to depend on how long the franchise 00:26:45.120 |
So let's assume that you're dealing with a mature franchise. 00:26:49.720 |
Unless there's something about newer contracts versus older contracts, it must be working. 00:26:54.880 |
One of the things I'm enormously grateful for is just the power of the free market, 00:26:58.480 |
that in general, the market works all that stuff out for us. 00:27:02.340 |
And so in many cases, if you pay what someone's asking, it's probably going to work out. 00:27:08.560 |
Think of this like when you go to sell a car or sell a house or something like that. 00:27:12.760 |
The very first thing that you do, if you're going to sell a car or a boat that you have, 00:27:16.720 |
is you go to the marketplace and you kind of get a sense of what is happening in the 00:27:22.200 |
And you get a sense of kind of this is the market number. 00:27:27.120 |
Then you look at your actual product and you say, "Well, is my car extra shiny? 00:27:32.920 |
Well, if so, then I'll go ahead and mark it up at a premium." 00:27:41.260 |
But in your own business, you generally look to the marketplace first, so the marketplace 00:27:48.080 |
Now it's no different when selling a business that you're going to go to the marketplace 00:27:51.360 |
and you're going to look at your competitors and you understand that if you're selling 00:27:54.480 |
a franchise, you're in competition with all the other franchisors, all the other offerings 00:28:00.600 |
So you're probably going to choose a fair price. 00:28:02.360 |
And if some bozo walked in off the street, took your contract the way that you offered 00:28:06.600 |
it, signed it with no negotiation, it's probably good enough. 00:28:13.900 |
And should you inform yourself and look at other competitors? 00:28:15.680 |
Of course, because we need to make sure that we're not dealing with a scammer. 00:28:19.400 |
But I think the biggest danger would just be, "Am I franchisee number three?" 00:28:23.440 |
Well, if I'm franchisee number three, then there's just not a lot of experience that 00:28:27.320 |
we have to know that this model really works. 00:28:30.000 |
But beyond that, I think that whatever they're asking is probably going to be competitive 00:28:52.600 |
So my high-level question is how much do you push your children to study a topic that you 00:28:58.400 |
think is good for them, but they're not necessarily naturally attracted to? 00:29:03.400 |
And so the details of this is that I have two kids, and my daughter is eight years old. 00:29:10.280 |
I think my biased opinion, but she's very sort of classically smart, right? 00:29:14.760 |
So she's very much into reading classical novels. 00:29:17.440 |
She has developed a vocabulary that's much richer than other kids of the same age. 00:29:24.800 |
And pretty much if you give her free time, what she'll do is she'll just start reading 00:29:30.680 |
Now she's reading world record Guinness books, but sort of interesting books to her. 00:29:36.280 |
About two years ago, I realized that at school she was struggling a little bit with math. 00:29:42.360 |
And so at the time I decided to start working with her. 00:29:47.080 |
So I decided to start working with her, and we started doing Life of Fred. 00:29:51.160 |
And we pretty much covered all the gaps that she had, and we went further ahead. 00:29:56.820 |
So she's, in theory, she could deal with, let's say third grade and fourth grade material 00:30:03.360 |
at the moment, even though she's starting third grade this fall. 00:30:07.040 |
Now all of that said, she's not naturally attracted to math. 00:30:10.800 |
So she would do it if I told her to, right, because she's just very obedient. 00:30:16.440 |
She was very excited when we were doing Life of Fred, but in hindsight, I realized that 00:30:20.280 |
she was excited because of the story aspect of Life of Fred, rather than because she was 00:30:28.080 |
And I am sort of, in my social circle is a high achievement circle. 00:30:32.520 |
So parents are sending their kids to Sunday math school, and they're participating international 00:30:41.880 |
They're teaching their kids, similar age, how to touch type. 00:30:45.800 |
And so I'm vacillating between making sure that she's, quote unquote, ahead of her peers 00:30:53.680 |
and ahead of public school and spending time with her, versus allowing her to just develop 00:31:00.420 |
the way that she would naturally develop, where it seems, again, that she's more of 00:31:04.040 |
this classical woman interested in novels and that kind of thing. 00:31:18.080 |
She's eight years old, and I don't know if it's sort of, she's still young enough where 00:31:25.060 |
I want to make sure that you do this or whether I start making sure that she's okay at school, 00:31:31.800 |
but letting her spend the time where her talents seem to lay. 00:31:39.440 |
And I'm not going to give you any kind of clear, specific answer because you're going 00:31:43.560 |
to test different ideas, different concepts, and see what's working at this particular 00:31:52.200 |
So let me just begin with some big picture philosophies. 00:31:57.080 |
Philosophy number one is that in general, I think most of us are better off leaning 00:32:02.880 |
into our strengths and really developing our strengths to a very high level versus trying 00:32:12.920 |
So putting this in a scholastic perspective, let's imagine that your eight-year-old daughter 00:32:18.020 |
loves nothing but novels, and she reads and she reads and she reads and she reads. 00:32:26.000 |
And you encourage her in that classical direction. 00:32:30.700 |
Many times, somebody who is a committed reader will naturally become a committed writer. 00:32:36.860 |
If she goes on and develops that and spends her teenage years and adolescent years writing 00:32:44.200 |
and publishing novels, and she arrives at the age of 18 and she's looking out at the 00:32:49.160 |
world and she's published five or six novels of her own and sold some thousands of copies 00:32:55.200 |
of them, she will be highly sought after as a student to the most prestigious and exclusive 00:33:04.780 |
She'll have lots of pathways that are open to her because she's very strong in a particular 00:33:12.840 |
Now let's pretend that instead of doing that, you say, "No, I'm going to cut back 00:33:17.920 |
on the reading and I'm going to put in math, and we're just going to do math." 00:33:22.000 |
And let's assume that she scrapes in and she does AP Calculus in her senior year of 00:33:29.240 |
high school, and she scrapes in by the skin of her teeth and gets a three on the AP Calculus 00:33:36.860 |
That doesn't help her in any way because she's not a standout person. 00:33:40.800 |
She doesn't have any particular area of strong expertise. 00:33:45.240 |
Yes, she learned calculus, but there's a decent chance that her path would be like 00:33:51.360 |
I couldn't even begin to talk about calculus or do calculus anymore. 00:33:55.080 |
I did calculus and I forgot it all immediately after being done with it, then boom, done. 00:34:01.000 |
So if you had to choose between focusing on encouraging strengths and areas of standout 00:34:08.080 |
genius versus shoring up weaknesses, I think we're far better off focusing on strengths. 00:34:19.200 |
I don't think that there's anybody who's really incapable of performing at a genius 00:34:26.500 |
level if there's sufficient levels of interest. 00:34:30.360 |
So last year, and I never did do kind of like a summation podcast of everything that I learned, 00:34:35.560 |
but I spent a lot of time last year, or I guess maybe early this year, digging into 00:34:40.180 |
the concepts of genius and tried to review and understand what people talk about. 00:34:46.440 |
And in essence, if you look at the world's genius performers, at least in what are sometimes 00:34:52.860 |
called friendly learning environments, if you look at world genius performers, it's 00:35:00.120 |
something that can be nurtured but not forced. 00:35:06.800 |
World-class musicians tend to be the children of musicians. 00:35:12.560 |
And if you listen to the stories of the world-class genius musicians, they get an early start 00:35:17.920 |
on the development of their genius because they were raised in a musical environment. 00:35:24.560 |
Their parents had instruments, their parents valued playing instruments, and their parents 00:35:30.860 |
invested into them learning and practicing music, so they got an early start. 00:35:36.760 |
But there has to come a point in time in order to become a true genius where the young person 00:35:43.920 |
or the child has to make a conscious choice for herself to say, "I am going to do this. 00:35:53.000 |
And it has to be an internally directed, self-motivated thing. 00:35:57.160 |
If you're going to sit and you're going to practice your violin for seven hours a day 00:36:00.920 |
and do the kind of intentional, focused practice that's going to lead to your truly becoming 00:36:05.920 |
world-class, it can't be forced on you externally. 00:36:10.480 |
And so the child who's going to become a world-class mathematician is going to have to cross over 00:36:20.700 |
Even though I don't think that there's any math, I doubt that there's any particular 00:36:26.500 |
kind of math gene or any kind of natural mathematical ability. 00:36:32.360 |
People think there is, but I just see so many stories of people who when they're in school, 00:36:41.460 |
And then they're 33 years old and all of a sudden they just start, they take an interest 00:36:48.140 |
And I think that not being good at math is much more likely due to poor teaching methodology 00:36:54.900 |
and inadequate tutoring, inadequate teaching, unattractive presentation styles than it is 00:37:01.220 |
that there's any genetic ability with math or any kind of natural ability that is expressed 00:37:08.780 |
But in order for your daughter to go and become a mathematician, she would have to encounter 00:37:14.280 |
a spark, something that actually so intrigued her that she wanted to do it. 00:37:20.300 |
That's what world-level, world-class genius depends upon. 00:37:25.060 |
So that's my philosophy number two, is that we want to try to expose our children to a 00:37:30.860 |
broad array of things and we want them to be competent. 00:37:34.380 |
Your daughter's going to have an easier time if she's competent with math. 00:37:40.300 |
I would say you reconcile it by requiring a basic level of performance in everything 00:37:47.620 |
that's important to you without it becoming overwhelming. 00:37:51.460 |
So you're going to require your daughter to be good at math. 00:37:54.620 |
And I don't think that there's any reason why she's not going to be good at math, especially 00:38:01.680 |
If you look at the standard math pathway in your local public school where your daughter's 00:38:08.860 |
enrolled, there is no reason she can't get straight As at math. 00:38:13.220 |
That pathway has to accommodate children who never do homework, whose parents have no interest 00:38:19.540 |
whatsoever, who are years behind where everyone else should be. 00:38:23.580 |
So what I have noticed is that if we emphasize consistency and small doses of study on a 00:38:32.820 |
consistent basis as compared to large doses of extreme effort, then we can significantly 00:38:40.980 |
outperform our peers without it being totally overwhelming. 00:38:48.960 |
So in the mathematical example, you might say, "When school's in session, I'm just going 00:38:54.940 |
to make sure that she's doing the math work that is being assigned in her schoolwork. 00:39:01.600 |
But when school's out of session, we're going to do 30 minutes a day of math." 00:39:04.980 |
And it may be Life of Fred, it may be Math Academy, it may be Khan Academy, but you just 00:39:11.600 |
And then what I would also do is I would try to insert ideas that are going to be helpful 00:39:17.540 |
So instead of just always doing drill and kill math, then emphasize the narrative benefits 00:39:23.480 |
Put in living math books, keep on doing Life of Fred. 00:39:26.940 |
And if your daughter is doing that and doing it consistently, then she's going to be outperforming 00:39:32.980 |
in the fullness of time, but you're not going to be hindering her development of genius. 00:39:36.980 |
And then the final thing I would say is I don't think it's wrong or dumb to require 00:39:44.380 |
I think it's good and healthy, but we want to make sure that our requirements are not 00:39:49.980 |
So requiring your daughter to sit down and do 20 minutes of math every day seems totally 00:39:55.240 |
reasonable to me and very unlikely to poison her against mathematics. 00:40:01.020 |
Requiring her to sit down and do two hours of math every day when she doesn't really 00:40:04.140 |
like it, is not really interested in it, that might be a little bit too extreme and is likely 00:40:08.720 |
to turn her off and make her despise the subject. 00:40:11.340 |
So finding that individual balance to me would be the strategy to look for. 00:40:19.380 |
I don't like pressuring people to do things that they don't want to do. 00:40:22.340 |
And so when I sensed that she wasn't interested anymore, we did do Life of Fred twice, the 00:40:28.160 |
books that are appropriate for her age and a bit older. 00:40:31.200 |
But then again, because she was looking at the story, the story was no longer novel. 00:40:39.180 |
I don't know if you know of any other books or websites that are, as you said, narrative 00:40:46.660 |
I have a complete Life of Fred collection from apples all the way up through trigonometry. 00:40:52.260 |
The only one I haven't gotten yet is calculus. 00:40:57.060 |
I have purchased, I'm building a collection of every single book that Stanley Schmidt 00:41:06.300 |
And the neat thing about Life of Fred, I assign it to my children in addition to another math 00:41:14.860 |
And Life of Fred generally is about, most lessons seem to be about 15 or 20 minutes. 00:41:20.820 |
And they're very, very doable, at least we're in the, I mean, my eldest is doing the beginner's 00:41:30.580 |
And still it's about 17 minutes, 20 minutes, something like that for him to work through 00:41:33.940 |
the lesson, do the problems and be done with it. 00:41:36.620 |
So I think that would be my number one recommendation to you. 00:41:40.060 |
- Right, what is the second book or set of books that you're doing? 00:41:46.140 |
- So you're gonna go, yeah, so the pathway goes, you start with apples and then you think 00:41:50.940 |
you go through goldfish or ice cream or something like that. 00:41:59.340 |
Then you go to kidney, liver and mind shaft, and hopefully this is piquing the interest 00:42:06.700 |
That's the middle school math is kidney, liver and mind shaft. 00:42:10.220 |
Then after that, you go into the decimals book and fractions. 00:42:15.140 |
Then after that, you go into the pre-algebra book. 00:42:17.540 |
And then there's pre-algebra zero with economics, pre-algebra one with physics and pre-algebra 00:42:25.300 |
And that takes a child all the way through pre-algebra, which would be about normally 00:42:32.300 |
Then you go into the high school series and so then it's beginning algebra one, advanced 00:42:40.340 |
And then from there into calculus and then into the advanced college math books. 00:42:44.100 |
He takes it all the way through a four-year undergraduate degree of mathematics. 00:42:48.380 |
So what you're looking for is if you've done the A through I or whatever it is, then you 00:42:57.140 |
- Heading back to school is a breeze and so are the savings at your local AmazonFresh 00:43:07.460 |
Send their taste buds on a field trip with fresh favorites from easy, delicious meals 00:43:14.460 |
Plus, save up to 50% on select prime member deals this back to school season. 00:43:19.760 |
Save big on back to school at your local AmazonFresh grocery store. 00:43:25.380 |
- Yeah, he does have on his website, he sort of, I don't remember where he stops, but he 00:43:36.300 |
So that his point is that children's brains may not be ready for something. 00:43:41.580 |
And by trying to shoehorn them into that something, then as you said earlier, you can sort of 00:43:48.220 |
So this is something I've tested myself and am testing. 00:43:52.420 |
I heard various people say, both Schmidt himself and a couple of other math teachers that I 00:43:59.100 |
listen to, is they make a big point to say, don't do conceptual math too early. 00:44:03.540 |
So first of all, I would say conceptual math would start at about algebra. 00:44:07.140 |
Even pre-algebra is not particularly conceptual. 00:44:09.860 |
But so you can certainly go into the middle years of kidney, liver and mind shaft before 00:44:16.900 |
But I tested it and I'm open to stopping, but I haven't seen that there's been any reason 00:44:24.300 |
So just for context, my almost 11 year old is doing algebra now and I haven't observed 00:44:34.580 |
So I simultaneously totally agree with the ideas that we should be careful. 00:44:38.420 |
I think we should be cautious of workbook math too early. 00:44:41.340 |
I think it's perfectly reasonable to not start any formal mathematics even until 10 or 11 00:44:48.260 |
But I do think you should look at your actual daughter and see, and if she's not overwhelmed 00:44:55.660 |
And then recognize that that's the power of narrative, is that you don't have to get every 00:45:00.780 |
The stories will start to help to convey the concepts. 00:45:04.640 |
And if she goes through it once and it's a little bit too advanced, but she comes back 00:45:09.540 |
two years later, then it'll be easy for her and that's the benefit. 00:45:15.180 |
So we should go at the level that the child is capable of going and not unnecessarily 00:45:20.780 |
hold her back nor unnecessarily push her too strong. 00:45:33.700 |
I have a daughter that is just older than yours and I have basically a complaining meter 00:45:41.380 |
And so my daughter has everything that I present to her ever, she complains about it incessantly 00:45:49.120 |
So I'm pretty immune to complaining, but I also listen to how much there is. 00:45:58.260 |
When I introduced my daughter to Spanish, well it was French, I introduced her to French 00:46:02.220 |
and she hated every minute of it and complained nonstop. 00:46:07.220 |
And then as the complaining became less, then I increased the load a little bit. 00:46:12.240 |
Well, today she loves French, says French is her favorite lesson, French is her favorite 00:46:17.560 |
So if she could just do nothing but French, that would just be happy, that would make 00:46:21.500 |
It's like, why do we have to do anything today except French? 00:46:23.600 |
And there was just a year ago where she just complained nonstop and never wanted to do 00:46:27.760 |
So I listened to the complaints and then I vary the amount of work based upon it. 00:46:32.900 |
So similarly, then after French, I moved on to German. 00:46:38.420 |
I adjusted the content a little bit, complain, complain, complain. 00:46:41.900 |
And then I kind of tested a little bit and I realized, yeah, we're not making progress 00:46:45.980 |
So I went way back, stopped with the advanced stuff, went back to the beginning, built it 00:46:49.520 |
up, and all the complaining dialed back to just a little bit of complaining. 00:46:53.880 |
And what I'm looking for with knowing her is I just want just a little bit of complaining, 00:46:58.140 |
but I know I'm just going to press it forward. 00:46:59.560 |
And then pretty soon the complaining starts to disappear and then we ramp it up. 00:47:03.340 |
So that's an actual example, but that's, I think, what you're looking for, is you're 00:47:10.960 |
But a little bit of complaining is a good metric to see where, okay, we're actually 00:47:19.780 |
So then just swap in and out different things and use that kind of complaining meter to 00:47:26.440 |
assess how you're doing and where you should be focused. 00:47:41.560 |
Since Timothy dropped off, wait a second and see if he pops back on. 00:47:47.500 |
Let me read you a couple of written questions prepared. 00:47:52.400 |
The first written question or the first written is a comment that actually came in from a 00:47:56.720 |
listener in response to my recent episode on Child Protective Services. 00:48:03.420 |
So a listener writes in and says, "Joshua, I just listened to your recent episode on 00:48:07.400 |
how to protect yourself during a CPS investigation, Child Protective Services. 00:48:12.320 |
This episode resonated with me because a few years ago, my family was investigated several 00:48:17.400 |
times by CPS over the course of about 18 months. 00:48:21.680 |
It was one of the most difficult personal trials we've ever faced and it nearly tore 00:48:28.120 |
But thanks to God's divine intervention and the wisdom of some very good attorneys, we 00:48:32.400 |
were able to successfully convince CPS to close their case. 00:48:37.580 |
Without going into any details of our case to maintain confidentiality, I'd like to 00:48:42.440 |
share a few aspects of my experience that listeners should be aware of that were not 00:48:50.000 |
First and most important, in most states, there is a mandated reporter legislation that 00:48:57.460 |
requires teachers, daycare workers, church staff, camp counselors, or anyone who interacts 00:49:04.960 |
with children daily to report any suspected abuse to CPS. 00:49:11.280 |
Any bump, bruise, or scratch on your child could be interpreted by a teacher as suspected 00:49:17.320 |
abuse, including minor injuries young children often sustain during normal play. 00:49:24.320 |
Secondly, in each case that was filed, the social worker interviewed my children at their 00:49:29.920 |
school prior to interviewing us, without our knowledge or consent. 00:49:36.680 |
When they knocked on our door, they already had the testimony of our children as evidence 00:49:42.520 |
My attorney informed me this is legal and standard practice in my state. 00:49:47.720 |
Thirdly, CPS reports are public records, and you have the right to obtain them as part 00:49:55.960 |
And lastly, CPS does serve the public good by protecting children experiencing abuse. 00:50:01.900 |
As I got to know the caseworkers, I began to appreciate how hard they work to ensure 00:50:05.840 |
the well-being of children who have no one to look out for them at home. 00:50:12.200 |
Whether or not you are being investigated for just cause, they deserve your respect 00:50:18.960 |
It's important to know that once you are under the gaze of CPS, it is highly likely that 00:50:26.300 |
To that end, I highly recommend installing surveillance cameras throughout your home. 00:50:31.380 |
This is something I did after the first CPS investigation, and from that point onward, 00:50:36.520 |
I was able to provide video evidence to the caseworker for each incident. 00:50:42.000 |
I'm convinced this contributed significantly to ending their case. 00:50:46.800 |
We are doing much better today as a family, and we are so thankful. 00:50:50.840 |
There's more I could share about my story, but I prefer to keep that private. 00:50:55.600 |
You are absolutely right that CPS operates under a totally different legal structure 00:51:05.420 |
You need a good family law attorney, and you need to be cooperative and respectful to the 00:51:11.640 |
Thanks again for posting such a good episode. 00:51:14.400 |
Would you be willing to share this message with others? 00:51:22.480 |
I want to go through and just add a couple of comments to this. 00:51:25.720 |
I should have included, I thought about it, I was trying to decide how extensive to make 00:51:31.400 |
For the first two points, it is really important, so I want to emphasize them. 00:51:34.720 |
First, on the concept of a mandated reporter, this indeed is the fact. 00:51:40.060 |
You should assume that any person who is employed in some kind of capacity interacting with 00:51:52.680 |
So I would say the obvious ones are healthcare professionals, doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, 00:52:00.000 |
anybody like that, all educators, teachers, school counselors, daycare administrators, 00:52:06.400 |
and then other clergy, usually a mandated reporter, so pastors and priests and rabbis, 00:52:15.580 |
usually public servants, law enforcement, public safety officers. 00:52:20.540 |
There might be other people, coaches, lawyers, things like that. 00:52:25.940 |
These are the types of occupations that are mandated reporters. 00:52:29.280 |
So if this mandated reporter sees or observes anything that could be construed as abuse 00:52:36.760 |
of any kind, then he or she legally is obligated to report it to the appropriate government 00:52:47.800 |
And just from a defensive strategy perspective, it's important that you understand that if, 00:52:54.680 |
for example, let's say your child falls down, if you have children, and especially if you 00:52:59.680 |
have boys, and if you allow your children to be boys, there's a decent chance that generally, 00:53:05.480 |
normally, there's going to be bumps, bruises, cuts, lacerations, scrapes, things like that. 00:53:12.800 |
So if any of that is obvious, for example, on the face, you need to make certain that 00:53:18.400 |
your child very clearly remembers what happened, happens, and that you say it. 00:53:26.080 |
So if your child fell down on his bicycle or fell out of a tree and scraped his face 00:53:30.480 |
up, then you need to make certain that when you take your child to school, that your child 00:53:34.880 |
tells the teacher, "I fell down and scraped my face." 00:53:38.520 |
Obviously, the mandated reporter is going to ask and give a chance to talk about it, 00:53:43.240 |
but it's important to understand where injuries come from. 00:53:48.240 |
And normally speaking, if there's a perfectly normal and ordinary explanation for an injury, 00:53:54.040 |
then that can minimize the risk of filing a report. 00:53:57.800 |
It is also important to have documentation of certain things. 00:54:01.800 |
So let's say one of your children gets injured, and you seek medical help, then it's important 00:54:10.880 |
to make certain that you document with the physician, and ideally with your notes and 00:54:19.000 |
Because sometimes things might come back years later, and it's important that you have those 00:54:24.080 |
written records and that the people involved, that there's contemporaneous evidence of what 00:54:32.860 |
If you've ever watched an actual court case, I watched the Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial, 00:54:38.760 |
much of it, when that was happening a couple years ago, and I found it so fascinating to 00:54:43.760 |
just look at the importance of contemporaneous documentation, that if so-and-so was injured, 00:54:49.540 |
then so-and-so went to the doctor, and in the doctor's notes, we can find this assessment. 00:54:54.920 |
We can find this clear evidence that was taken by the physician. 00:54:58.700 |
And so think about that and make certain that if there's an injury, that you document the 00:55:03.280 |
injury in some way yourself, that you make records and contemporaneous records of it, 00:55:10.220 |
in addition to, if you seek medical care, that the reason for the injury is documented 00:55:19.140 |
And if there's been some kind of weird thing happening, let's say that your child had a 00:55:28.280 |
weird bruise, fell down and smacked his face on a rock and is bruised in some way that 00:55:34.120 |
would be the kind of bruising that an abusive adult would cause, if an adult were abusing 00:55:40.040 |
the child, then document it properly and just be aware of the fact that there are mandated 00:55:45.360 |
reporters who, if they see that continually, will step in, as they should. 00:55:50.520 |
I think that those kinds of laws are appropriate, but you need to be aware of them. 00:55:55.420 |
The next point that the listener writes about is the fact that the social worker interviewed 00:56:00.360 |
the children at their school without speaking to the parents. 00:56:13.800 |
And I thought about talking about this, but I wasn't sure what to say about it, again, 00:56:19.880 |
because we're kind of walking this fine line where I want abusive people, abusive adults 00:56:24.640 |
to be found, to be caught, and to be prosecuted, and I want children to be put in safe situations. 00:56:33.960 |
First of all, if you've done nothing wrong and are doing nothing wrong with your children, 00:56:40.680 |
then probably there's no harm to the interview in the first place. 00:56:46.660 |
When you're dealing with a normal situation and a normal child and something that has 00:56:51.180 |
happened that has caused something to happen, then generally the explanation should make 00:57:00.480 |
I'm thinking here of an example where one of my boys fell out of a tree, fell out of 00:57:07.480 |
The rock hit his stomach, knocked the wind out of him, and caused him to experience a 00:57:14.880 |
Took him to the doctor, had a full checkup done, and go back to documentation, and, you 00:57:22.240 |
know, we document, okay, here's the tree, here's the rock, here's where he fell from. 00:57:26.360 |
Go to the doctor, explain, fell out of a tree, you know, about this high as best we can figure 00:57:33.960 |
If somebody, if in a normal situation, somebody came along and asked the child what happened, 00:57:39.880 |
I fell out of a tree is a pretty obvious thing that wouldn't cause any harm. 00:57:44.520 |
Where I most worry about interviews is when children are very young or if children have 00:57:50.520 |
diminished capacity and don't have the ability to, don't have the ability to clearly understand 00:58:00.940 |
So here is a paragraph, I don't, I can't remember if I read this in the other one, but from 00:58:05.940 |
Defending the Innocent for Child Protective Services, "The charges are going to dictate 00:58:12.200 |
Depending on the severity of the charges, this will dictate what you can and should 00:58:16.200 |
If the allegations include direct harm to a child, assault, neglect, you will have to 00:58:23.340 |
This does not mean that you have to allow CPS into your house. 00:58:26.620 |
Have them meet with the child on the front step briefly and in your presence and be sure 00:58:32.040 |
Inform CPS that the meeting is being recorded. 00:58:34.460 |
Do not allow CPS to talk with the child alone, ever. 00:58:38.260 |
Child Protective Services will be able to make up evidence they need from the child's 00:58:41.620 |
testimony and you will have no defense against it. 00:58:44.980 |
Children do not testify in court and the words they use are taken at face value, even though 00:58:54.060 |
An example would be if they took the child to the car and asked, "Has mommy or daddy 00:59:04.260 |
And of course the answer will be, "I don't know." 00:59:06.900 |
Now you're losing your son and facing 15 years in prison because you used a rectal 00:59:10.300 |
thermometer on a three-year-old and the child couldn't explain you were taking his temperature. 00:59:14.740 |
So that's an example of the kind of miscommunications that can happen in an interview. 00:59:21.380 |
Well, first, I think you just try to explain what's happening and talk to your children 00:59:26.420 |
as best you can and explain what's happening. 00:59:29.220 |
I don't think that in general it's appropriate to try to make specific, you know, to talk 00:59:37.300 |
on and on about, "Well, here's what you do if you talk to a CPS agent," or something 00:59:41.300 |
like that, unless you had a specific cause for concern. 00:59:45.140 |
So the example that I used was homeschooling. 00:59:47.260 |
I know many people that homeschool in, I know some people who homeschool in countries where 00:59:56.860 |
They're breaking the law because the law is immoral and their conscience is clear doing 01:00:02.380 |
But because they know that they're doing something that is illegal, they have to take 01:00:05.860 |
extra measures to instruct their children on how to keep their children out of problem 01:00:14.500 |
If you're interacting with somebody who's asking you these kinds of questions, this 01:00:19.340 |
And so you give these answers and nothing more, and you don't talk to the person anymore 01:00:25.500 |
I think that's appropriate and an appropriate amount of defense if you have a particular 01:00:29.300 |
reason why you yourself might be being targeted in a culture where you face an adversarial 01:00:37.020 |
In general, it seems that it's more important just simply to make it understood about how 01:00:45.500 |
to deal with people in general, and that that would be the appropriate way to go about it. 01:00:54.680 |
So there are a lot of predators in the world, and an immoral CPS agent who is pursuing a 01:01:05.760 |
So I think it's most important that we teach children, generally speaking, to avoid predators, 01:01:11.900 |
and we teach them the specific tools and techniques of avoiding predators. 01:01:17.240 |
One of my big concerns is that our society has decided that for whatever reason, parents, 01:01:24.060 |
especially parents who have their children in government schools, should expect that 01:01:27.920 |
unknown strangers are going to talk to their children about matters including sex and sexuality. 01:01:38.040 |
It is absolutely evil that some stranger would come and talk to your child about matters 01:01:46.020 |
I'm much more concerned about that than I am about CPS. 01:01:49.480 |
So I think it's appropriate that we teach our children that these are the conversations 01:01:54.800 |
that you have with other people, these are the conversations you don't, similar to how 01:01:58.740 |
we have a responsibility to teach our children to have complete and total control and autonomy 01:02:03.400 |
over their bodies, to say, "Nobody touches you without your permission. 01:02:09.280 |
These are the behaviors and the things that people can't do to you. 01:02:19.340 |
These are the people who are allowed to touch you." 01:02:21.680 |
And so the appropriate way to do it is meeting mom or dad or a physician if we're in a doctor's 01:02:30.040 |
And so being very proactive about teaching our children about abuse and teaching them 01:02:34.540 |
about appropriate conversation boundaries, teaching them to avoid one-on-one conversations, 01:02:39.860 |
I think is more important to protect them from the predators they're likely to face 01:02:43.280 |
with teachers or administrators or other perverts that they're surrounded by rather than just 01:02:48.580 |
worrying about CPS, but it naturally extends to that. 01:02:52.220 |
I worry a little bit about how to do this well. 01:02:55.500 |
I hate, for example, with the police conversations. 01:02:59.060 |
I wish we could go back to an era in which I could tell children, "Hey, if you're in 01:03:05.300 |
I still want them to look for a policeman when a child is facing trouble. 01:03:13.300 |
But I also have to teach them to be careful and teach them how to not talk to the police 01:03:22.780 |
But I think in general, we should teach our children, you don't have private conversations 01:03:28.140 |
with people about really almost any, there's no reason for you to have private conversations 01:03:35.420 |
When people start asking personal questions, personal questions about the family, that's 01:03:39.180 |
an appropriate time to say, "I'll be happy to answer your questions when my mommy or 01:03:43.980 |
And I think in general, that's a good rule that is going to properly protect appropriate 01:03:49.060 |
parents from legal risks of rogue government agents without endangering children who are 01:03:58.260 |
I really hate to try to insert uncertainty into a child's mind, but realistically, children 01:04:07.620 |
And so we need to appropriately teach them about the danger without inappropriately creating 01:04:13.880 |
And the best pathway I know to do that is to do it very intentionally. 01:04:18.460 |
As parents, it's our responsibility to have children teach them about boundaries for their 01:04:22.060 |
bodies, teach them about boundaries for conversations, teach them about the types of tools and tactics 01:04:27.580 |
that perverts will use to try to engage with them, and then to answer their questions very 01:04:32.260 |
honestly so that they're not out talking to strangers about things that strangers have 01:04:38.020 |
The next comment that the listener mentioned about was talking about the idea that, talking 01:04:45.780 |
about getting the CPS reports and then putting cameras in place. 01:04:52.380 |
I didn't think about that, but absolutely, I think that's a great idea. 01:04:56.300 |
And what I understood here from the email is that this listener put cameras inside the 01:05:02.460 |
house, certainly not in private areas, I would assume, but within the public areas inside 01:05:09.420 |
And so there was documentation of what was happening and what is happening inside of 01:05:13.660 |
And so given the fact that a CPS investigation is probably a longer-term thing, and in this 01:05:18.340 |
case it was multiple investigations, if you do have a reason for heightened concern, then 01:05:24.300 |
putting in place a proactive strategy to create evidence that could be used in your defense 01:05:32.980 |
I hope I've struck an appropriate tone with this. 01:05:35.140 |
I don't want to strike a paranoid tone because I'm not paranoid and I don't think we should 01:05:43.220 |
And so the main thing I wanted you to be aware of is exactly what this listener said and 01:05:47.660 |
exactly what I said in that show, that when dealing with CPS, you are guilty until proven 01:05:53.980 |
So you will need to present the appropriate evidence to resolve the case. 01:05:59.420 |
So think about that and at least be aware of that. 01:06:03.300 |
So if CPS knocks on your door and you deal with that agent differently than how you would 01:06:10.140 |
deal with an FBI agent knocking at your door, with an FBI agent knocking on your door, the 01:06:20.140 |
And I don't answer questions, I'm sorry, I understand you're doing your job and it's 01:06:24.140 |
just an investigation, it's just a few questions, I don't answer questions, thank you very much." 01:06:29.700 |
And then you would immediately contact a lawyer and you would only ever speak with the FBI 01:06:35.100 |
in the presence of a lawyer, and you would only answer questions with that safeguard 01:06:38.860 |
and only answer what you're legally compelled to answer. 01:06:41.780 |
That is not what you do when CPS is at your door. 01:06:44.300 |
If CPS is at your door, you need to answer enough questions to diffuse the situation. 01:06:50.620 |
I don't know the level of corruption of CPS in your country, but for good conversation, 01:06:58.600 |
So you want to give good answers, but not violate any of those things that I said, and 01:07:03.500 |
then quickly get a lawyer to help you through the process. 01:07:07.140 |
Remember, the truth is always your best defense. 01:07:12.260 |
Protect your children from anybody who would abuse them. 01:07:16.900 |
I care much more about that than I do care about CPS. 01:07:20.340 |
So you need to be a lion protecting your children against perverts and people who would abuse 01:07:35.460 |
I always go back to Gavin DeBecker's book called "The Gift of Fear," a good book for 01:07:39.780 |
you to read, and teach your children to respect their perspectives. 01:07:46.540 |
I'm not just talking about punching, but having noisemakers and teaching them to talk to people. 01:07:51.320 |
Teach your children what to do if somebody tries to tell your children about a secret. 01:07:56.780 |
So your children should be trained that if so-and-so comes and says, "Hey, let's keep 01:08:01.740 |
this a secret," that's an immediate time to go and talk to mommy and daddy, because that 01:08:07.460 |
concept of secrecy has been abused over the years by many abusers. 01:08:14.660 |
Teach your children to deal with shame appropriately, not to hide it, but to confess it and speak 01:08:20.980 |
to you about intimate, difficult things so that you can protect them from the predators 01:08:30.340 |
I seem to have terrible luck with being available for your Q&A times. 01:08:33.620 |
I did have one question for the show, if you're able to work it in. 01:08:36.420 |
"My partner and I have been receiving a little less than $200,000 a year for about three 01:08:42.320 |
We provided owner financing, and that note will pay off at the end of this year. 01:08:46.260 |
Prior to that, we ran the business and basically just drew whatever we wanted out of it when 01:08:51.460 |
Since the sale, we have basically been funding our life with the money that comes in and 01:08:58.180 |
We maintain a joint account for bill pays and things like that, but have historically 01:09:04.620 |
Net worth together is just over $2 million, and I earn about $200,000 full-time, and my 01:09:11.860 |
My question is, how would you recommend managing finances after the payments stop? 01:09:15.980 |
And now that we do not enjoy a big cash slush fund from a profitable company that we ran, 01:09:20.380 |
we've gotten pretty sloppy about doing things like budgeting or planning. 01:09:23.620 |
We'd be curious if you have any thoughts on how to transition into a more structured expense 01:09:27.500 |
and budgeting system after not doing that for more than 10 years." 01:09:34.740 |
So very specifically, you don't need to budget so much as you need to put controls in place 01:09:41.620 |
to make certain that you never overspend your income. 01:09:45.540 |
So what would be an example of a perfect set of controls for you to put in place? 01:09:49.380 |
Well, you would take your income, which would be your paychecks. 01:09:53.700 |
When you receive your paycheck on Friday, you would take it down to the bank. 01:09:59.820 |
You would put all of that physical cash in your pocket, and you would spend that. 01:10:04.120 |
And if you needed to buy something, you would spend it out of the physical currency that's 01:10:08.700 |
And if you ran out of currency in your wallet, you would stop buying things. 01:10:16.260 |
No one does that in today's world, but we should. 01:10:19.500 |
And if we're going to try to build a system, we want to get as close to that as possible. 01:10:23.740 |
And the point here is that budgeting is not so important as it is not overspending. 01:10:31.100 |
And what people often think of when it comes to budgeting is they often think of some form 01:10:36.380 |
Well, tracking is nice, but tracking is historic. 01:10:40.740 |
Tracking means you can look back at the end of the month and you can figure out what you 01:10:45.620 |
That's less important than proactive controls. 01:10:49.640 |
So the idea of budgeting is that you're going to sit down, you're going to figure out how 01:10:54.780 |
much money is going to come in next month, you're going to put it all into various categories 01:10:58.840 |
and buckets, and then you're going to take those categories and buckets and you're going 01:11:04.220 |
But a lot of times this doesn't happen for most people because they just simply do too 01:11:11.940 |
Who wants to sit around and categorize expenses? 01:11:14.620 |
Now you can use various software systems and things that help you make your buckets fancier 01:11:18.620 |
and automatically categorize your transactions. 01:11:24.860 |
What is the most necessary is that you not overspend. 01:11:32.200 |
Since you're not going to do the cash thing, you need to do the digital equivalent of that, 01:11:36.800 |
which is to put your money into an account, a bank account, and then spend your money 01:11:42.720 |
The first thing that you want to avoid is the use of a credit card. 01:11:47.720 |
Well, because a credit card makes it possible and easy for you to overspend by accident. 01:11:53.980 |
You just kind of accidentally spend a little bit more than you intended to, and now you 01:11:57.840 |
have to pay back thousands of dollars more to the credit card bill. 01:12:04.560 |
The most important one being the point of sale protection that you get for unauthorized 01:12:11.180 |
expenses and fraud by using a credit card as compared to a debit card. 01:12:21.240 |
The problem with a debit card is not necessarily that you won't get your money back. 01:12:24.720 |
Generally, your debit card issuer gives you good protections against fraud, but that your 01:12:30.320 |
bank account might be wiped out in the meantime, whereas with a credit card, you can go back 01:12:37.380 |
But I think you can fix this electronically and get rid of the risk of overspending. 01:12:42.120 |
So what I teach people to do is to set up a system, usually that involves at least two 01:12:47.600 |
checking accounts, and one checking account is your bills-paying checking account. 01:12:52.460 |
Another checking account is your spending checking account. 01:13:00.040 |
You take off the top the amount of money that you're going to save, go ahead and set aside 01:13:08.080 |
That gets automatically put to savings, and you're left with $12,000. 01:13:12.160 |
The $12,000 goes into checking account A. Checking account A is the account that you 01:13:19.340 |
So all of your bills automatically draft to that checking account. 01:13:22.920 |
Then you're going to take whatever's left over. 01:13:25.400 |
Let's say you had $4,000 of bills, and you're left with $8,000. 01:13:30.680 |
So now you take $8,000 and make a transfer to checking account B. Checking account B 01:13:37.360 |
is the card that you spend money from based upon your actual point-of-sale transactions. 01:13:45.260 |
And the idea is I want you to be able to pop open an app on your phone, look in your checking 01:13:49.020 |
account, see how much money is in there, and then if there's money in there, go ahead and 01:13:54.060 |
If there's not money in there, then stop spending money. 01:13:56.420 |
And I want your card to bounce if you try to spend money that you don't have in there. 01:14:00.660 |
And if you do that and just maintain a little buffer there, and you just say, "I never spend 01:14:04.620 |
below $3,000," then pretty well you've solved the problem, and you've guaranteed that I'm 01:14:10.580 |
not going to overspend, because I did my savings, and I just put the money from my income into 01:14:17.460 |
And then if you're just dealing with a small checking account that's just for expenses, 01:14:20.700 |
then I think we can pretty well get rid of the worries about point-of-sale risk of a 01:14:26.860 |
You're always going to run it as a credit card. 01:14:30.500 |
You're just going to run it as a credit card. 01:14:32.580 |
And if somebody wiped out your account, well, you just lost your spending money until you 01:14:38.100 |
That's a very low risk as compared to the much higher risk of you just overspending 01:14:52.280 |
Spend on a debit card that has a spending account associated with it, and then just 01:14:58.520 |
But if you do that system that I described, you won't ever overspend, and you will basically 01:15:04.400 |
You covered your bills with planning them out in advance, and all of your point-of-sale 01:15:08.220 |
spending, the stuff that you do spontaneously, is all done with a card. 01:15:11.520 |
And then finally, whenever possible, use Apple Pay or Google Pay instead of actually running 01:15:16.780 |
the actual card because that additionally helps to protect you from fraud. 01:15:21.900 |
The idea being don't try to force yourself to be someone you're not. 01:15:24.620 |
If you're not the kind of guy who sits around and makes spreadsheets for fun, don't try 01:15:27.740 |
to become the kind of guy who's going to make spreadsheets and just force himself to do 01:15:31.940 |
You want to be the kind of guy instead who puts in place a simple system that protects 01:15:38.080 |
If you'd like to join me on next week's show, remember you can do that by going to patreon.com/radicalpersonalfinance. 01:15:43.080 |
Sign up to support the show on Patreon, and that will gain access for you to one of these 01:15:49.840 |
Have a great weekend, and I'll be back with you very soon.