Bogleheads® Conference 2024 Finding Purpose, Balance, and Meaning During the Accumulation Years

00:00:00.000 | (audience applauding)

00:00:03.160 | - Welcome everyone, thanks for being here.

00:00:07.240 | My name is Gauri.

00:00:08.920 | I'm on the board of the Bogle Center

00:00:11.160 | for Financial Literacy.

00:00:13.120 | We're happy to have you here.

00:00:14.740 | We are thrilled to have Dr. Jordan Grumet

00:00:17.720 | speak about finding purpose, balance, and meaning

00:00:21.040 | during the accumulation years.

00:00:23.360 | Jordan's bio is ubiquitously available,

00:00:25.800 | so I'll touch on a few key points.

00:00:27.960 | He's a hospice physician,

00:00:30.120 | so he has unique insights into what people regret

00:00:33.440 | and don't regret.

00:00:34.600 | He's authored over 1,000 blog posts,

00:00:37.960 | and he's the author of this book,

00:00:40.440 | "Taking Stock, A Hospice Doctor's Advice

00:00:43.280 | "on Financial Independence, Building Wealth,

00:00:45.880 | "and Living a Regret-Free Life."

00:00:49.440 | And he has another book on the way.

00:00:53.960 | In a way, Jordan has been a physician since age seven,

00:00:58.320 | and he'll touch on that later.

00:01:00.000 | Some quick housekeeping.

00:01:01.440 | Folks on chairs and at your tables

00:01:04.640 | have notepaper and pens.

00:01:07.900 | I'll be walking around collecting questions

00:01:10.120 | that when Jordan's done with his primary talk,

00:01:12.640 | I'll collect the questions and ask them of Jordan.

00:01:14.860 | So just raise your hand, and I'll walk over to you.

00:01:18.400 | With that, I'll turn it over to Jordan.

00:01:21.040 | - Thank you, Gauri, for your kind introduction.

00:01:24.400 | Chris was on the cusp of his 12th birthday

00:01:29.400 | when he arguably made one of the two biggest decisions

00:01:34.560 | of his young life.

00:01:36.040 | He decided to run away from his foster home.

00:01:40.920 | You see, Chris's parents died when he was four years old

00:01:44.080 | when they were in an unfortunate car accident,

00:01:47.200 | and he had bounced from foster home to foster home,

00:01:49.520 | but this last one wasn't good, it was abusive.

00:01:52.880 | So he made this huge decision, and he ran away from home.

00:01:57.500 | Now, over the next year, he did whatever he could

00:02:02.760 | to find a place to stay, shelter, and to find food.

00:02:07.760 | He lied, he cheated, he stole.

00:02:13.880 | He probably did a few other things

00:02:15.520 | that we're not gonna talk about here,

00:02:18.400 | but it was on the cusp of his 13th birthday,

00:02:22.520 | one year later, that he made even a bigger decision,

00:02:27.440 | and that was not to commit suicide.

00:02:30.400 | Because by that time,

00:02:32.480 | he realized he couldn't go on like that anymore,

00:02:36.360 | and it was either take his own life, or...

00:02:39.360 | Or...

00:02:45.960 | The truth is, he didn't have many options,

00:02:48.920 | but one morning, he woke up on a park bench,

00:02:53.320 | and another kid was lying next to him,

00:02:55.480 | and that kid said, "Hey, there's this guy,

00:02:59.520 | "his name is Rabbi Simon, and he has a synagogue

00:03:03.160 | "five miles from here in neighboring Waukegan, Illinois,

00:03:06.880 | "and if you go there, he will give you support,

00:03:10.800 | "give you food, get you some help."

00:03:15.080 | So that morning, Chris walked in his shoes,

00:03:18.360 | full of holes, the five miles,

00:03:22.080 | and found himself sitting in the pews of the synagogue,

00:03:26.400 | waiting for Rabbi Simon to come out of his study.

00:03:29.840 | And little did he know that Rabbi Simon

00:03:33.960 | was gonna come out of his study, and save his life.

00:03:38.120 | And you know how I know that?

00:03:39.960 | Because six months earlier, I saved Rabbi Simon's life,

00:03:45.040 | and 60 years before that,

00:03:48.960 | a gentleman who none of us ever had met,

00:03:52.840 | saved all our lives, and he did so without knowing it,

00:03:57.840 | by pursuing his unique sense of purpose.

00:04:02.640 | My goal for all of you here today,

00:04:07.000 | is to do the same thing, and help you do the same thing.

00:04:14.160 | So how did I get here?

00:04:16.280 | At the age of seven, my father, a physician,

00:04:19.920 | a prominent oncologist, was rounding at the hospital,

00:04:23.560 | got a severe headache, collapsed, and died.

00:04:27.160 | He had a brain aneurysm.

00:04:28.360 | He bled right there in the hospital.

00:04:31.000 | And I was seven years old, and like many seven-year-olds,

00:04:34.560 | I looked at life through my own lens.

00:04:37.480 | Like, it's a time where we think

00:04:39.920 | everything happens because of us.

00:04:42.600 | So for me, my father dying must have been my fault.

00:04:45.280 | I wasn't good enough.

00:04:47.120 | I wasn't compliant enough.

00:04:48.880 | I wasn't lovable enough.

00:04:51.440 | And so somewhere in my brain, I decided to,

00:04:55.240 | the way I was gonna make up for this,

00:04:57.600 | is I was gonna become a doctor just like him.

00:05:01.080 | I was gonna walk in his shoes.

00:05:02.880 | I was gonna do all the good

00:05:04.680 | that he never had the chance to do.

00:05:08.520 | And this became my sense of purpose.

00:05:12.400 | This became my identity.

00:05:15.080 | And it carried me.

00:05:16.320 | It carried me through a learning disability

00:05:17.960 | when I was little.

00:05:18.920 | It carried me through moving from one middle school

00:05:22.160 | to a different high school.

00:05:23.520 | It carried me through college

00:05:24.840 | when all of my friends were out

00:05:26.120 | at the University of Michigan football games,

00:05:28.080 | and I was in the law library studying.

00:05:30.880 | I became the student I had to be

00:05:34.480 | to become the doctor that I was predestined to become.

00:05:40.360 | And that's exactly what I did.

00:05:42.240 | But there was a problem.

00:05:45.040 | After practicing for a number of years,

00:05:47.560 | I realized that this wasn't filling me up.

00:05:50.400 | I was feeling exhausted and burned out

00:05:52.760 | and all the paperwork

00:05:53.800 | and not feeling like I was helping anyone.

00:05:56.860 | And so I did what a lot of people do.

00:06:00.520 | I said, "Well, I can't go on being a doctor,

00:06:04.000 | "and I don't know how to do anything else to make money.

00:06:07.800 | "So what I need to do is make as much money

00:06:10.040 | "as possible so that I can never work again

00:06:14.120 | "and leave this profession that is no longer filling me up."

00:06:18.360 | And so I asked around.

00:06:19.360 | I asked my financial advisor,

00:06:20.400 | "Well, how much money do I need?"

00:06:21.640 | And he did some kind of Monte Carlo simulation

00:06:23.880 | and told me that I needed a lot more than I needed.

00:06:26.320 | He forgot to ask me how much I wanted to spend.

00:06:28.760 | And then I asked my accountant, who happens to be my mom,

00:06:33.400 | and I said, "How much money do I need to never work again?"

00:06:36.080 | And she said, "$10 million."

00:06:37.400 | And I said, "Okay, I don't have $10 million."

00:06:40.800 | So then I went back to work,

00:06:42.040 | doing this job that wasn't filling me up.

00:06:44.600 | And then in 2014, something magical happened.

00:06:47.920 | I got a phone call from a guy I had never met before.

00:06:52.000 | His name was Jim Dolly,

00:06:54.280 | and he had written a book called "The White Coat Investor."

00:06:56.160 | And at the time, I was writing a medical blog

00:06:58.160 | about what it felt like to be a doctor.

00:07:00.240 | And I had a reasonable following,

00:07:01.880 | and Jim's book was coming out,

00:07:03.240 | and he wanted me to review his book for my blog.

00:07:06.980 | So I read his book, and I knew immediately,

00:07:10.360 | oh my God, I'm financially independent.

00:07:12.160 | You see, he gave me this vocabulary I didn't understand.

00:07:14.920 | I didn't know what a safe withdrawal rate was.

00:07:17.280 | And I was just so excited for a moment.

00:07:23.920 | And then I had a panic attack.

00:07:28.400 | Because the thing is,

00:07:30.080 | I had never considered what I could be or what I would do

00:07:32.520 | if I wasn't being a doctor.

00:07:33.560 | It was the singular thing

00:07:35.320 | that connected me to a father who died

00:07:37.780 | when I was a little boy.

00:07:39.080 | And so I went down the rabbit hole of depression

00:07:43.820 | for about six months.

00:07:44.820 | I couldn't leave being a physician,

00:07:46.260 | even though it wasn't filling me up.

00:07:48.220 | I couldn't throw away the baby with the bath water.

00:07:51.360 | So what I started to do

00:07:53.140 | is I started to get rid of the things

00:07:54.700 | I hated about being a doctor.

00:07:56.560 | I left my private practice.

00:07:58.420 | Eventually, I got rid of nights.

00:07:59.540 | Then I got rid of weekends.

00:08:00.620 | Then I got rid of being on call.

00:08:02.820 | And then I got rid of working in nursing homes

00:08:04.980 | and what was I left with?

00:08:07.180 | Well, I had this part-time thing I did

00:08:09.080 | which really filled me up and it was hospice work.

00:08:11.940 | And so I was running teams of nurses and chaplains

00:08:15.180 | and certified nursing assistants

00:08:17.700 | who were taking care of hospice patients.

00:08:19.420 | And I still liked that.

00:08:21.300 | And so I knew this is something I would do

00:08:24.000 | even if no one was paying me for it.

00:08:26.600 | So this feels purposeful.

00:08:28.020 | I'm gonna hold on to that.

00:08:30.100 | But the thing is,

00:08:30.940 | I was only doing it 10 or 15 hours a week.

00:08:32.980 | So the big question became,

00:08:34.200 | well, who am I gonna be now?

00:08:35.740 | Now I have all this space.

00:08:37.700 | What am I gonna fill my time up with?

00:08:40.600 | And I realized there were all these things that I loved

00:08:43.580 | that I never gave myself permission to pursue.

00:08:46.440 | I loved writing.

00:08:47.380 | I mean, I had been writing blogs for years,

00:08:49.840 | but I never had time to do it.

00:08:51.000 | It wasn't something you did for money or as a living.

00:08:53.100 | It was a hobby.

00:08:54.260 | So I did it during breaks during lunch

00:08:57.320 | or I did it at night when the kids were sleeping.

00:08:59.300 | I loved public speaking.

00:09:01.000 | I loved having these deep conversations.

00:09:03.780 | So having all this time

00:09:05.080 | and finally giving myself permission

00:09:06.620 | to start being the person I wanted to be,

00:09:08.420 | not some shadow of my father,

00:09:11.360 | I started to write about personal finance

00:09:13.000 | 'cause that's where my brain was.

00:09:14.200 | This is the big epiphany I had.

00:09:16.200 | And eventually I started a podcast.

00:09:18.320 | When I did that podcast,

00:09:19.520 | I had people on the show who were experts in business

00:09:23.320 | and entrepreneurs and financial independence people

00:09:25.800 | and authors.

00:09:27.120 | And I found that we had these great conversations

00:09:29.220 | about how do I get rich?

00:09:31.120 | How do I make money?

00:09:33.240 | But then when we started talking about

00:09:35.560 | why am I getting rich?

00:09:37.620 | And what does living a good life look like

00:09:39.600 | after I've accumulated money?

00:09:41.720 | We didn't have any good answers.

00:09:45.360 | But you know who did have answers?

00:09:48.040 | My hospice patients.

00:09:50.380 | My hospice patients.

00:09:51.760 | That 10 or 15 hours a week,

00:09:53.260 | I was still doing hospice medicine.

00:09:55.200 | I was sitting with people on their deathbeds

00:09:57.000 | and talking to them about what was important.

00:09:59.120 | And you know what?

00:10:00.680 | Finding out you're gonna die in the next few weeks

00:10:03.080 | or months makes you very clear

00:10:05.920 | about what's important to you.

00:10:07.800 | And so they didn't tell me I wish I worked longer.

00:10:10.160 | And they didn't tell me I wish I made more money.

00:10:13.800 | They told me I really regret

00:10:15.200 | that I never had the energy or courage or time to,

00:10:18.560 | and there was a big blank there

00:10:19.720 | 'cause everyone had something different.

00:10:21.880 | But then I started bringing those conversations

00:10:25.480 | back to the personal finance people.

00:10:27.560 | Bring that back to my podcast.

00:10:30.080 | When you are dying and you realize that you have regrets,

00:10:35.080 | regret is another word for disappointment

00:10:38.800 | because you don't have agency.

00:10:40.000 | You can't change your life.

00:10:41.920 | But what if you realize your regrets when you're young

00:10:44.560 | and you have years ahead of you?

00:10:46.160 | Well, that sounds a lot like me to purpose.

00:10:50.860 | And so taking all this information,

00:10:54.360 | I wrote my book, "Taking Stock."

00:10:56.240 | Everything I had learned from the dying

00:10:59.360 | about money and life.

00:11:00.640 | And I went to places like this.

00:11:03.200 | And I gave talks and I marketed my book

00:11:05.760 | and something happened I never expected.

00:11:08.800 | At the end of a conference like this,

00:11:10.480 | I would walk out into the hallway

00:11:12.520 | and someone would come up to me

00:11:13.960 | and instead of a smile, I almost saw a growl, right?

00:11:17.680 | They kind of looked, they were sweaty,

00:11:19.160 | they were a little bit angry.

00:11:20.600 | And I waited patiently afraid

00:11:23.560 | of what they were about to say.

00:11:25.000 | And this happened multiple times, mind you.

00:11:27.680 | And they would say something to the extent of I get it.

00:11:32.200 | You tell me that I should pursue a sense of purpose

00:11:39.320 | and then use that purpose

00:11:40.920 | to build a financial framework around me.

00:11:43.400 | But I don't know what my purpose is.

00:11:48.340 | And so how do I find my purpose?

00:11:52.520 | And this led to my second book, "The Purpose Code."

00:11:54.880 | And we're gonna talk a bunch about that.

00:11:56.440 | But I first want to go back to my book, "Taking Stock"

00:11:59.880 | and talk about a few of the major premises around that book.

00:12:03.280 | Because really they were three main premises.

00:12:07.040 | The first premise was we need to start thinking

00:12:10.360 | about purpose, identity and connections

00:12:12.840 | before we build our financial framework.

00:12:15.820 | So what does that mean?

00:12:17.780 | Well, let's talk about purpose.

00:12:19.320 | A lot of us struggle with purpose,

00:12:23.140 | but the truth of the matter is

00:12:24.400 | I had seen it in my dying patients.

00:12:26.440 | I had asked that question.

00:12:28.040 | What do you really regret

00:12:29.320 | never having the energy, courage or time to do?

00:12:32.840 | And I knew for younger people,

00:12:34.640 | this formed the kernel of the answer to that question.

00:12:38.140 | So next came identity.

00:12:40.320 | Well, how do you know what your identity is supposed to be?

00:12:42.880 | And I always tell people we should do this basic exercise.

00:12:46.340 | Ask yourself the question I am, say the statement I am,

00:12:50.940 | and then fill in the blank.

00:12:53.040 | Now, the first time I did this, I said, I am.

00:12:54.980 | And the first thing that came out was I am a doctor,

00:12:57.320 | which kind of makes me laugh a little bit

00:12:59.240 | 'cause I don't really identify that way anymore.

00:13:01.760 | After that, it got more definitional.

00:13:04.080 | I am a father.

00:13:05.800 | I am a son.

00:13:06.840 | I'm a spouse.

00:13:07.680 | All true, but not necessarily unique to me.

00:13:10.380 | But eventually when I asked myself this question

00:13:12.200 | over and over again, I am,

00:13:14.280 | I came up with, I'm a podcaster.

00:13:17.080 | I'm a public speaker.

00:13:18.360 | I'm a writer.

00:13:19.800 | It all coalesced into I'm a communicator.

00:13:22.520 | And I knew that this fit me

00:13:27.360 | better than that identity of being a doctor.

00:13:29.360 | It just felt right.

00:13:31.880 | And so this is a real good chance for you to be aspirational.

00:13:34.320 | When you say I am, it's not who you are today,

00:13:36.120 | but who do you strive to be?

00:13:38.320 | So that's purpose and identity.

00:13:39.920 | The last piece was connections.

00:13:42.040 | And the thing I found is that when you concentrate

00:13:44.240 | on purpose and identity, the connections naturally follow.

00:13:47.400 | So I'd spent all these years trying to become a doctor,

00:13:51.160 | but that identity didn't fit my inside.

00:13:53.040 | It was an identity I was trying to wear on the outside.

00:13:55.320 | And so I'd hang out in doctor places, right?

00:13:57.740 | I'd go to the doctor lounge

00:13:59.600 | or I'd hang out with my doctor friends.

00:14:01.940 | And I never felt quite myself.

00:14:04.640 | But when I recognized this identity of a communicator,

00:14:07.560 | a public speaker, a writer,

00:14:08.760 | and I'd go to conferences like this,

00:14:10.880 | I'd meet bloggers and podcasters

00:14:13.240 | and feel comfortable with them immediately.

00:14:15.860 | As if I knew them better than I knew these doctors

00:14:18.260 | that I had known for decades.

00:14:21.200 | These were my people.

00:14:24.820 | So the first premise of the book

00:14:26.120 | is purpose, identity, and connections come first.

00:14:29.280 | The second premise is then we have to define a path

00:14:32.280 | towards financial independence.

00:14:33.960 | Now we have an idea

00:14:35.000 | of what purpose, identity, and connections are.

00:14:37.000 | We have to build a life around that,

00:14:39.560 | build the financial life.

00:14:40.880 | And if you've heard me talk about this before,

00:14:42.360 | I often talk about the path of three brothers.

00:14:44.960 | This is a parable and it just explains

00:14:47.020 | some of the financial concerns

00:14:48.480 | and the ways we get to financial independence.

00:14:51.080 | The eldest brother,

00:14:53.140 | this is the one who front loads the sacrifice.

00:14:55.340 | If you're familiar with the traditional FIRE movement,

00:14:58.340 | financial independence, retire early.

00:15:00.080 | The idea is you work really hard,

00:15:01.580 | maybe at a job you don't like.

00:15:03.420 | You put purpose, identity, and connections aside

00:15:05.460 | for the short term.

00:15:06.300 | You accumulate tons of money

00:15:08.180 | till you get to some net worth number.

00:15:09.820 | We've all talked about safe withdrawal rates

00:15:11.500 | and the 25 times rule and all this kind of stuff.

00:15:14.700 | And then you retire as fast as you can

00:15:17.520 | and you live the life you wanna live.

00:15:19.500 | You start thinking about purpose then.

00:15:21.400 | That's path one, the eldest brother.

00:15:25.240 | Path two, the middle brother,

00:15:27.320 | is more about passive income and side hustles.

00:15:29.460 | Instead of waiting until you get to this large net worth,

00:15:32.560 | what if you could start some side hustles

00:15:34.960 | or get some passive income

00:15:36.920 | in such a way that you can make enough money every month

00:15:40.040 | to cover your monthly needs?

00:15:42.160 | Might take you a few years.

00:15:43.320 | You might have to invest in real estate

00:15:44.720 | or become an entrepreneur.

00:15:45.800 | You might have to work really hard in the beginning,

00:15:47.320 | but a few years into it,

00:15:49.400 | maybe you can cover your monthly needs

00:15:51.040 | and then you're basically financially independent

00:15:53.520 | and you have all the time in the world

00:15:54.800 | for purpose, identity, and connections.

00:15:57.260 | And last but not least, finally, the third path,

00:16:00.400 | the path of the youngest brother,

00:16:02.200 | was the path of the passion play.

00:16:04.800 | What if you find something that feels deeply purposeful

00:16:07.000 | and exciting to you and you start doing it immediately

00:16:09.520 | and you happen to make enough money

00:16:10.760 | to cover your monthly or yearly needs,

00:16:13.920 | then you're financially independent right away.

00:16:17.640 | So premise one, purpose, identity, and connections.

00:16:19.640 | Premise two, defining your path to financial independence.

00:16:22.200 | And finally, premise three,

00:16:23.600 | asking yourself what scares you most.

00:16:26.160 | Are you more afraid that you are going to die young

00:16:30.160 | and wealthy or old and broke?

00:16:33.160 | And here's why we have to ask this question

00:16:34.840 | because none of us know when we're going to die.

00:16:37.240 | If we knew when we were gonna die,

00:16:40.120 | we could set the marker for 20 years,

00:16:42.280 | six months, and three days,

00:16:44.200 | and make sure we spent our money accordingly

00:16:46.080 | so that we have exactly zero on our death date

00:16:48.720 | or whatever we wanted to pass on to our children.

00:16:51.600 | But of course, we can't do that.

00:16:53.720 | So we have to make our best guesstimate.

00:16:55.520 | So what scares you most?

00:16:56.640 | Are you afraid that you are gonna die young and rich?

00:16:59.000 | If that's the case, maybe save a little bit less

00:17:01.180 | and spend a little more.

00:17:02.460 | Worst comes to worst, you're wrong

00:17:04.320 | and you live a great life

00:17:05.600 | where you're spending and enjoying yourself

00:17:06.800 | and it takes a little longer to get to retirement,

00:17:08.520 | no big deal.

00:17:09.940 | On the other hand,

00:17:10.780 | if you're afraid that you're gonna live long and go broke,

00:17:14.520 | save a lot more and only spend maybe a little bit on YOLO.

00:17:18.400 | You only live once.

00:17:19.520 | It's a continuum.

00:17:21.200 | The point is we can use this question to help us frame

00:17:24.680 | whether we should spend more today

00:17:27.040 | or we should defer gratification for tomorrow.

00:17:30.040 | So these were the premises of the book

00:17:32.120 | and these are the talks I gave.

00:17:35.040 | And so I got that worried and anxious and angry response

00:17:39.440 | about people not knowing how to find their purpose.

00:17:43.340 | And so I went and I did a deep dive on purpose.

00:17:47.460 | If this is causing people so much anxiety,

00:17:51.660 | what does the scientific literature tell us about purpose?

00:17:54.800 | How do we resolve this problem

00:17:57.040 | that telling people to find a purpose

00:17:58.760 | makes them feel bad instead of good?

00:18:01.460 | Well, I found out two things.

00:18:03.280 | Two things that contradict each other.

00:18:05.280 | First and foremost,

00:18:06.380 | studies show that having a sense of purpose in life

00:18:08.700 | is associated with health, happiness, and longevity.

00:18:12.660 | Clearly, tons of studies, very well proven.

00:18:17.660 | On the other hand, then I found other studies

00:18:20.960 | that show that up to 91% of people

00:18:23.260 | at some point in their life have purpose anxiety.

00:18:26.660 | This idea of purpose gives them anxiety.

00:18:28.300 | They get depressed and they actually feel worse.

00:18:32.220 | So this is a paradox.

00:18:34.900 | How can purpose be both the most important thing to us

00:18:38.920 | and yet also be amazingly anxiety provoking?

00:18:42.460 | What I recognize from my years in hospice,

00:18:45.980 | from being a podcaster, from writing books,

00:18:49.940 | is I recognize that probably purpose is not just one thing.

00:18:54.740 | It's probably at least two phenomena.

00:18:57.220 | And one of those causes anxiety and makes us feel bad.

00:19:00.860 | And the other probably more relates

00:19:03.180 | to health, happiness, and anxiety.

00:19:06.020 | So let's talk about those two different types of purpose.

00:19:10.740 | The first one, the one that makes us anxious

00:19:13.700 | is what I call big P purpose.

00:19:17.580 | Big P purpose is goal oriented.

00:19:20.520 | It's very much all or nothing.

00:19:24.020 | And it usually is audacious.

00:19:25.740 | I wanna be a billionaire.

00:19:27.560 | I wanna become president.

00:19:29.300 | I wanna travel to the moon.

00:19:31.580 | These are things that most of us cannot accomplish.

00:19:34.900 | Why?

00:19:35.740 | Because you have to be the right person

00:19:37.180 | at the right time, saying the right things

00:19:39.540 | with lots of luck and good genetics.

00:19:41.960 | Like if I wanna be an all-star basketball player

00:19:44.980 | and I was born and I only grew to four foot 10,

00:19:48.180 | the likelihood I'm gonna be an all-star basketball player

00:19:50.320 | is just very low.

00:19:53.760 | So we don't have a huge amount of agency

00:19:56.060 | over big P purpose and therefore it's really easy to fail.

00:20:02.060 | And it's usually winner take all, right?

00:20:05.140 | If my goal is to be president,

00:20:06.940 | only one person at a time can be president,

00:20:08.880 | which means everyone else fails.

00:20:11.500 | So the problem with big P purpose

00:20:13.220 | is it makes us feel bad and anxious

00:20:16.200 | because often we don't have agency

00:20:18.560 | to accomplish what we're trying to do.

00:20:21.380 | Contrast that to the other type of purpose,

00:20:24.160 | little P purpose.

00:20:25.800 | Instead of worrying about goals,

00:20:28.180 | little P purpose focuses on process.

00:20:31.820 | What are the things we love to do

00:20:33.580 | regardless of the outcome?

00:20:36.080 | What do you do that lights you up?

00:20:38.900 | The great thing about little P purpose

00:20:40.460 | is it's impossible to fail.

00:20:42.540 | And more importantly, when we think about big P purpose,

00:20:44.740 | it's a very scarcity mindset oriented, right?

00:20:47.020 | It's very difficult.

00:20:48.480 | But little P purpose is very abundance oriented.

00:20:51.520 | It's all or all.

00:20:52.920 | All you have to do is show up and you've won the game.

00:20:58.900 | But here's the thing.

00:21:01.120 | Even if you believe me and you're listening

00:21:02.920 | and you're saying, aha, big P purpose bad,

00:21:05.200 | little P purpose good,

00:21:06.840 | we still have the same problem.

00:21:10.400 | Those people who came up to me at the conferences

00:21:12.120 | can say, okay, I hear your versions of purpose,

00:21:14.300 | but I still don't know how to find my purpose.

00:21:17.780 | Well, here's the thing.

00:21:19.680 | I don't think you find your purpose.

00:21:22.360 | I think you build and create it.

00:21:25.480 | But it is also true that you need to have

00:21:29.040 | some beckonings or inklings towards what to focus on

00:21:33.760 | to build that purpose.

00:21:35.200 | And so what I call that are purpose anchors.

00:21:38.040 | So the better question is how do we find our purpose anchors

00:21:41.600 | so that we can build or create this life of purpose?

00:21:44.760 | And so in my book, "The Purpose Code" that's coming out,

00:21:47.280 | I talk about four or five different ones of these.

00:21:50.160 | So let's talk about how you find your purpose anchors

00:21:52.720 | so you can build this life of purpose around them.

00:21:56.200 | The first way is what I call the life review.

00:21:58.680 | I talked about this in my first book, "Taking Stock."

00:22:00.760 | We've touched on it briefly here.

00:22:02.980 | In the hospice, when we sit with a dying patient

00:22:05.600 | and we get their pain controlled

00:22:07.560 | and we get them comfortable in their house

00:22:09.520 | or the hospital, wherever they are,

00:22:11.180 | we do something called the life review.

00:22:12.640 | It's a series of structured questions to ask them

00:22:15.220 | what were the most important moments?

00:22:16.920 | What were their biggest successes?

00:22:18.320 | What were their biggest failures?

00:22:19.560 | What were their regrets?

00:22:21.680 | This is really an attempt for them to review their life.

00:22:24.960 | And as I was talking about before,

00:22:27.080 | if we can start doing these life reviews in younger people,

00:22:29.720 | you can go to Google and search hospice life review

00:22:32.080 | and you'll get a whole series of questions.

00:22:34.580 | You can start thinking about regrets now

00:22:36.680 | and regret minimization

00:22:38.360 | and also start to turn that regret into purpose.

00:22:42.080 | So life review is a really good way

00:22:44.400 | to start thinking about finding those purpose anchors.

00:22:47.880 | What's another way?

00:22:49.400 | I often tell people to use what I call

00:22:51.100 | the art of subtraction.

00:22:52.280 | And this is exactly what I did in my job as a doctor.

00:22:55.720 | When I realized I was financially independent,

00:22:57.720 | there was so much I didn't like about the job.

00:23:01.300 | So I started subtracting things out.

00:23:03.180 | I got rid of nights and weekends and on-call

00:23:05.240 | and got rid of all the things I didn't like.

00:23:07.360 | And what I was left with, which was hospice work,

00:23:10.440 | and I love the hospice work,

00:23:11.960 | so I knew that this was a purpose anchor.

00:23:14.760 | Many of you could do the same with your jobs.

00:23:16.520 | Even if you hate your jobs,

00:23:17.760 | there's probably a piece or a part of your job,

00:23:20.400 | a certain task that you love.

00:23:23.360 | Using the art of subtraction,

00:23:24.680 | you can start identifying what you do like about your job,

00:23:27.360 | even if it's something you only spend

00:23:28.800 | a little bit of your time doing

00:23:30.520 | and use that as a purpose anchor.

00:23:32.780 | So what are some of the other ways to find purpose anchors?

00:23:35.980 | I tell people to go back to the joys of childhood.

00:23:38.940 | Many of us had things we loved when we were kids

00:23:41.960 | and we grew out of them.

00:23:43.660 | So if you went back to your childhood bedroom

00:23:46.160 | and looked at the posters and the awards and trophies

00:23:49.440 | and the drawings, what would they show?

00:23:53.020 | It's funny because when we're really little,

00:23:57.040 | the adults around us support this.

00:23:58.880 | So if you are three years old and you go to your parents,

00:24:01.520 | you go to your mom and say, "Hey, mom,

00:24:02.880 | "I wanna build a swimming pool in the backyard."

00:24:05.760 | What will they do?

00:24:07.060 | They will take you outside and you will play all day

00:24:10.040 | and giggle the day away and have a blast.

00:24:12.380 | If you do the same thing at the age of 12,

00:24:15.720 | your parents will tell you about all the reasons

00:24:17.560 | you can't do it, why it wouldn't be up to code,

00:24:21.240 | why the soil in the backyard wouldn't support it,

00:24:23.960 | how you wouldn't have the time

00:24:25.360 | to have someone be a lifeguard.

00:24:27.240 | They'll come up with every reason it doesn't work

00:24:29.200 | and society does that to us.

00:24:30.540 | At some point, we switch from doing things we love

00:24:32.520 | because kids understand purpose

00:24:35.000 | and we start doing what we're supposed to.

00:24:36.960 | We're supposed to get a job,

00:24:38.240 | we're supposed to be professionals,

00:24:39.480 | we're supposed to make lots of money.

00:24:41.800 | So a good way to start thinking about your purpose anchors

00:24:44.120 | is to go back to your joys of childhood

00:24:46.720 | and start thinking about what lit you up then.

00:24:49.120 | And last but not least, another technique

00:24:52.560 | and one of the last I wanna talk about

00:24:54.040 | is the spaghetti method.

00:24:55.360 | So let's say you're doing all this,

00:24:56.600 | you're using the art of subtraction,

00:24:58.180 | you're doing your life review,

00:24:59.440 | you're thinking about the joys of childhood

00:25:01.100 | and you still can't come up with something

00:25:03.960 | that feels purposeful for you,

00:25:06.260 | then use the spaghetti method.

00:25:07.480 | Throw a bunch of stuff up against the wall

00:25:08.960 | and see what sticks.

00:25:10.580 | This means say yes to activities

00:25:12.440 | you don't normally say yes to.

00:25:14.000 | Hang out with people you don't normally hang out with.

00:25:17.640 | Do things you don't normally do.

00:25:20.660 | And by doing that,

00:25:22.960 | you're opening yourself up to experiencing new things

00:25:26.360 | and some of them may be joyful and if they are,

00:25:29.520 | that's a beautiful place to start building a life of purpose

00:25:32.920 | around some of those things.

00:25:35.220 | So that's how you start finding purpose anchors

00:25:39.820 | and build a life of purpose around you.

00:25:42.540 | Now I imagine many of you here listening

00:25:45.280 | and you're saying, okay, all of this sounds great

00:25:47.780 | but what about legacy?

00:25:50.400 | What about impact?

00:25:52.840 | What about changing the world?

00:25:56.200 | So let me tell you about my maternal grandfather.

00:26:01.160 | My maternal grandfather died years before I was born

00:26:07.320 | and he loved math.

00:26:11.920 | His little P purpose was math

00:26:13.680 | and because he loved math so much, he became a CPA.

00:26:16.980 | And back in the 1950s when my mom was a little girl,

00:26:21.160 | she would sit on his lap

00:26:22.680 | and he would have his spreadsheets out

00:26:24.280 | because right back then there was no computers.

00:26:25.900 | They were literally spreadsheets and you had a pencil

00:26:27.720 | and you had to write everything in the boxes

00:26:30.160 | and he would explain to her what went into all the boxes.

00:26:35.160 | Now my mom saw her father lit up and excited

00:26:40.840 | and so she did what little kids do.

00:26:42.880 | She said, hmm, that's an interesting identity.

00:26:45.640 | Maybe I'll try on that identity for myself

00:26:48.000 | and see if it fits.

00:26:50.000 | And she did and she found that she loved math too.

00:26:52.900 | So guess what?

00:26:54.120 | My mom became a CPA.

00:26:55.940 | And when I was a kid, I tried on that identity

00:27:00.240 | and decided I liked math too and this was critical

00:27:03.520 | because right around the time my father died,

00:27:06.140 | I was diagnosed with a learning disability

00:27:07.980 | and I couldn't read.

00:27:10.100 | All my peers were starting on their beginning readers.

00:27:12.680 | There were all these reading groups

00:27:14.440 | and I was literally coloring in a coloring book

00:27:18.040 | and I would have thought I was dumb

00:27:21.040 | but there was one thing, one saving grace.

00:27:23.920 | See, I was good at math

00:27:26.180 | and so I might have been in the lowest reading group

00:27:28.520 | but I was in the top math group.

00:27:30.480 | And so this gave me the confidence and courage

00:27:34.360 | to realize if I could figure out math,

00:27:36.600 | I could figure out reading.

00:27:37.700 | So I got a bunch of tutors, eventually did.

00:27:40.540 | And if you think about it, I didn't become a CPA like my mom

00:27:43.380 | but I went into a highly mathematical field

00:27:45.740 | which is medicine and eventually I left medicine

00:27:49.460 | to do the financial independence movement

00:27:51.880 | to become a personal finance person

00:27:54.800 | but understanding that math was critical

00:27:58.120 | to figuring out my finances.

00:28:00.100 | But it really hit home one day

00:28:03.700 | when I was in the hospital and I was seeing a patient

00:28:07.100 | and this guy kept on getting readmitted over and over again.

00:28:09.840 | He was getting readmitted and he was totally dehydrated.

00:28:13.580 | He was on death's doorstep and it kept happening.

00:28:16.120 | And when I met him for the first time in the hospital,

00:28:20.340 | I took a look at his labs

00:28:21.560 | and I noticed a mathematical relationship

00:28:24.660 | between two of his lab results.

00:28:27.120 | And it clicked in my brain because I loved math.

00:28:29.760 | And I realized that he had a rare disease,

00:28:33.100 | a disease that was actually fairly treatable

00:28:36.340 | and we put him on a medicine

00:28:38.100 | and he never got readmitted to the hospital again.

00:28:40.980 | And you know what his name was?

00:28:43.400 | It was Rabbi Simon.

00:28:45.580 | And Rabbi Simon eventually helped Chris.

00:28:49.900 | And so if you think about it,

00:28:53.380 | like a rock dropped into the ocean,

00:28:57.860 | a little bit of water was displaced

00:29:00.020 | by my maternal grandfather.

00:29:02.140 | And over the years, that displacement grew,

00:29:05.820 | added on to other waves and became really big at times.

00:29:09.500 | And then at other times it split

00:29:10.940 | into a bunch of smaller waves.

00:29:13.100 | And decades and decades later,

00:29:15.700 | hundreds of miles away,

00:29:18.060 | those waves are still reaching the beach

00:29:23.060 | and changing people's lives.

00:29:27.900 | And so my goal for all of you

00:29:32.220 | is to develop a sense of little p purpose.

00:29:34.900 | My goal is for that little p purpose

00:29:37.980 | to cause you to change the people around you.

00:29:41.180 | My goal is that you all will create an impact

00:29:46.580 | and a legacy that endures far past your lifespans.

00:29:51.580 | In closing, my maternal grandfather's name is Morris Adler.

00:29:59.560 | It's probably the first time

00:30:02.660 | anyone has said his name this year.

00:30:04.940 | He died in the 1960s.

00:30:08.140 | I was born in 1973.

00:30:11.500 | And one of you hearing these stories right now

00:30:14.620 | will go out and change your lives.

00:30:18.620 | And Morris Adler's legacy will live.

00:30:22.060 | And so can yours.

00:30:26.420 | Thank you.

00:30:29.480 | (audience applauding)

00:30:32.640 | - Thank you.

00:30:33.640 | Thank you, Jordan, for sharing your insights.

00:30:42.400 | Again, Christine and I are walking around

00:30:44.320 | collecting questions that you've written.

00:30:46.240 | Feel free to raise your hand, we'll walk over.

00:30:48.640 | So some of the questions, Jordan.

00:30:50.360 | What one question from the Hospice Life Review

00:30:53.720 | do you think is most helpful for finding a purpose anchor?

00:30:59.920 | - So Hospice Life Reviews,

00:31:02.600 | there are literally 20, 30 questions.

00:31:04.120 | It goes through childhood and young adulthood

00:31:06.400 | and et cetera, et cetera.

00:31:07.880 | But the one sentencer is if I were to find out tomorrow

00:31:12.880 | that I was gonna die within weeks,

00:31:16.260 | what would I always regret

00:31:17.680 | never having the energy, courage, or time to do?

00:31:20.540 | So it's really the regret question.

00:31:22.840 | And again, I wanna encourage all of you

00:31:25.480 | to turn the concept of regret around into purpose.

00:31:29.880 | Regret and people who have agency and time

00:31:33.120 | is deeply purposeful.

00:31:36.100 | - Well, and thank you.

00:31:39.400 | So a followup, can you share some of the most surprising

00:31:42.800 | regrets you've heard, both good and bad?

00:31:45.560 | - You know, it's funny because regret

00:31:48.960 | is so variable on the person.

00:31:52.040 | So I give you that question.

00:31:53.320 | What would you regret never having the energy,

00:31:55.280 | courage, or time to do?

00:31:56.240 | But the way everyone answers that is so individualized.

00:31:59.440 | So for me, I had to face that question myself.

00:32:04.000 | And I knew, and I always knew this,

00:32:06.280 | but never would admit to it until I did,

00:32:09.400 | is I would have regret not having written a book

00:32:12.440 | and published it professionally

00:32:14.080 | 'cause I didn't wanna just self-publish it.

00:32:15.480 | I wanted to traditionally publish it.

00:32:17.720 | So that was for me.

00:32:18.920 | For other people, it really spans.

00:32:20.680 | For some people, it's a hobby.

00:32:22.240 | It's like, I'm pissed off I never got that 1950 Chevy

00:32:25.800 | and fixed it up and spent the summer

00:32:28.200 | enjoying myself driving it around.

00:32:31.000 | For other people, it's relationships.

00:32:32.320 | I regret that I never fixed that relationship

00:32:35.080 | that went awry.

00:32:36.320 | Sometimes it's big.

00:32:39.400 | I wish I wasn't so afraid that I didn't go

00:32:42.000 | and try to climb Mount Everest.

00:32:44.080 | The answers are incredibly varied.

00:32:48.340 | And the thing is, they're incredibly personal.

00:32:51.480 | We have a problem here in the United States.

00:32:54.240 | We are sold a vision of purpose,

00:32:56.800 | and usually it's sold to us by two different groups.

00:32:58.660 | One is influencers, and the other is marketers.

00:33:01.600 | And the problem with both influencers and marketers

00:33:03.840 | is they're trying to sell us something.

00:33:05.640 | They're trying to tell you you need six-pack abs,

00:33:07.720 | or you need to travel the world,

00:33:09.040 | or you have to wear designer clothes,

00:33:10.800 | or whatever it is, because they wanna make money on you.

00:33:14.380 | The problem, however, is that a lot of times

00:33:18.660 | it's easier for us to eclipse

00:33:20.700 | and to take on other people's sense of purpose

00:33:23.640 | than to actually build our own.

00:33:26.240 | But I would guess every single person here,

00:33:29.580 | in their heart of hearts,

00:33:30.900 | if they were to close their eyes and really think about it,

00:33:34.240 | understands what burning wish and desire

00:33:36.460 | they really have on the inside,

00:33:38.420 | what they really wanna do with themselves,

00:33:40.020 | who they really wanna be.

00:33:42.020 | And a lot of us are just incredibly afraid to face that.

00:33:46.680 | My message to you is you will regret that

00:33:49.640 | if you don't, at some point,

00:33:53.580 | try to think about who you really wanna be in this world.

00:33:56.480 | But the amazing thing is the way you become that person

00:34:00.140 | is by doing the thing.

00:34:01.280 | It's not by buying the thing, it's by doing the thing.

00:34:05.200 | The way you become a writer is you write,

00:34:07.180 | whether you're successful or you quote-unquote fail.

00:34:10.680 | It's not about the goal, it's about the process.

00:34:12.720 | The way you become the best you

00:34:14.840 | is to do the thing you wanna do

00:34:16.720 | and be deeply engaged in the process.

00:34:18.960 | And it almost always comes out right.

00:34:21.040 | - So Lynn, thank you.

00:34:24.460 | Changing topics,

00:34:25.300 | and this doesn't seem to get enough coverage.

00:34:29.280 | How should folks consider preparing for cognitive decline?

00:34:33.000 | - Here's the thing.

00:34:36.000 | Cognitive decline happens.

00:34:37.980 | I mean, I'm 51 and I can already tell

00:34:39.840 | I can't do things the way I could do them.

00:34:41.280 | I love math, but my ability to do math in my head

00:34:43.520 | is much worse than it was before.

00:34:45.600 | So cognitive decline is continuous.

00:34:48.560 | I don't think besides staying healthy, right?

00:34:52.080 | Eating well, exercising, not smoking,

00:34:54.060 | taking care of yourself, all the basics, right?

00:34:56.480 | It's about all we can do to help with cognitive decline.

00:34:59.340 | Keeping our brains engaged, being happy,

00:35:03.600 | experiencing love, like all the good, easy stuff.

00:35:06.040 | I think the caveat is that

00:35:09.360 | since we can't fix cognitive decline,

00:35:11.520 | we can surround ourselves with people

00:35:14.080 | who know who we are and what we value

00:35:17.160 | and will make good decisions for us

00:35:19.140 | if we're not able to make those decisions.

00:35:21.240 | Because ultimately,

00:35:24.180 | if we ever get to the point

00:35:28.040 | where we can't make those good decisions,

00:35:29.920 | we want other people to make decisions

00:35:31.780 | that reflect the dignity of who we are.

00:35:34.140 | And so I think the best thing we can do

00:35:37.320 | is have those conversations with our loved ones,

00:35:40.240 | show them our sense of purpose

00:35:42.080 | and who we are and what our intentions are,

00:35:44.480 | and make sure they know

00:35:45.760 | that if they ever have to make decisions for us,

00:35:48.720 | they can use those intentions

00:35:50.760 | so we can experience dignity

00:35:53.720 | even when, unfortunately, cognitively,

00:35:55.560 | we don't necessarily have that option.

00:35:58.280 | - Thank you.

00:35:59.600 | From your experience,

00:36:01.120 | what little-p purposes do people arrive at?

00:36:05.480 | Why are they so compelling?

00:36:07.720 | And how often should we reevaluate our little-p purpose?

00:36:12.080 | - So here's the idea.

00:36:13.220 | You're born, you die,

00:36:16.280 | and you have a certain amount of time.

00:36:18.640 | And no matter what you do,

00:36:20.140 | you have zero control over the time.

00:36:21.280 | You can't buy it, you can't sell it,

00:36:22.600 | you can't exchange it.

00:36:23.680 | It just exists and passes.

00:36:26.120 | So what can you do?

00:36:27.480 | You can fill up that time

00:36:28.800 | with as much purposeful activity as possible

00:36:30.960 | and get rid of as many things you loathe as possible.

00:36:34.380 | So why am I bringing this up?

00:36:36.460 | The truth of the matter is purpose can be anything.

00:36:39.800 | All it has to do is light you up.

00:36:41.300 | It can be short-term or long-term.

00:36:43.160 | It can change the world,

00:36:44.400 | but it certainly doesn't have to.

00:36:46.340 | Little-p purpose can be anything that lights you up.

00:36:50.280 | So I don't think it matters

00:36:53.040 | what you decide your little-p purpose is,

00:36:54.660 | and I don't think it matters

00:36:55.560 | if you do it for a week or a year or a month.

00:36:58.640 | That's completely up to you.

00:37:00.320 | But we should always reevaluate it continuously

00:37:03.600 | because, again, winning the game

00:37:05.540 | is filling up your time with as much purposeful activity

00:37:08.260 | that connects you to other people as possible.

00:37:10.520 | And to do that,

00:37:11.780 | you're always gonna be having to use certain levers, right?

00:37:14.680 | We have the joy of addition.

00:37:16.400 | You can add in something purposeful to your life.

00:37:18.200 | The art of subtraction,

00:37:19.220 | you can get rid of something

00:37:20.600 | that you loathe or don't like,

00:37:22.100 | or substitution, which means if you are stuck

00:37:24.600 | and you can't add or subtract, can you substitute?

00:37:27.040 | Can you change one job for another?

00:37:28.640 | Can you change one boss for another?

00:37:30.420 | Can you change one location for another?

00:37:33.060 | That's all substitution.

00:37:34.400 | And so those are our levers.

00:37:36.440 | We also have a bunch of tools that help us do this, right?

00:37:38.920 | Money is a great tool.

00:37:39.920 | We like to talk about money.

00:37:41.100 | We think money is the only tool, but it isn't.

00:37:43.680 | Our relationships, our communities, our energy,

00:37:48.620 | our passions, our skills,

00:37:50.420 | those are also tools that we can use

00:37:53.340 | along with these levers

00:37:54.640 | to start creating the life we wanna live now

00:37:57.640 | and not waiting to your financially independent

00:37:59.360 | and not waiting to your retired.

00:38:01.700 | - Okay, thank you.

00:38:03.660 | Building on that, studies show that nowadays

00:38:06.680 | it's becoming more challenging for younger generations

00:38:09.400 | to realize the American dream.

00:38:11.480 | The net worth target has been raised to $4 million.

00:38:15.160 | Do you have any good practical advice for young people

00:38:18.840 | they have a higher bar to pass

00:38:20.520 | than their parents or grandparents?

00:38:22.280 | - So here's the deal.

00:38:24.340 | I hear you.

00:38:27.000 | And we love to think the American dream is a net worth,

00:38:31.360 | but I don't believe it for one second.

00:38:33.900 | Does money buy happiness?

00:38:36.460 | Everyone points to a series of studies, right?

00:38:39.580 | The Kahneman and Deaton study, the Killingsworth study.

00:38:43.100 | We could go through them if you want.

00:38:45.340 | Suggestion that past $70,000 back in 2010 or whatever

00:38:49.260 | didn't get you increased happiness.

00:38:51.020 | Then Killingsworth said, no, maybe it does.

00:38:53.140 | There were some caveats there.

00:38:54.900 | If you look at all those studies,

00:38:57.260 | a lot of them use data that was already collected,

00:38:59.180 | not for that purpose,

00:39:00.860 | or use data that was based on like texting someone

00:39:03.900 | multiple times a day for multiple weeks.

00:39:06.540 | A lot of times they assessed someone's income only once

00:39:09.220 | or someone's net worth.

00:39:11.220 | If you really want to answer that question,

00:39:13.500 | I suggest you look up the Harvard Adult Health Study

00:39:16.620 | or excuse me, Harvard Adult Development Study.

00:39:18.460 | I always get the name wrong.

00:39:19.820 | Basically this studied people for 70 or 80 years.

00:39:23.220 | It originally started with Harvard students.

00:39:24.920 | Eventually they brought in like a thousand,

00:39:26.940 | 2,000 other family members.

00:39:28.380 | Then they brought in controls from the Boston area.

00:39:31.580 | But what they did is they interviewed these people

00:39:33.380 | every two years.

00:39:35.100 | They did physical exams.

00:39:36.260 | Eventually they did MRIs and EEGs.

00:39:38.660 | They questioned their family members.

00:39:40.620 | And after 80 years of continuous research

00:39:42.820 | on the same people looking at happiness,

00:39:45.180 | looking at income, looking at their activities,

00:39:48.180 | they found that one thing

00:39:50.780 | was majorly associated with happiness.

00:39:52.780 | And it wasn't money and it wasn't position

00:39:54.860 | and it wasn't your job.

00:39:56.180 | And I'm going to spoil it here.

00:39:57.740 | It wasn't even purpose.

00:39:59.580 | It was interpersonal connections.

00:40:01.620 | Interpersonal connections.

00:40:04.580 | So if you want to think that some net worth

00:40:06.460 | is going to bring you the American dream, it isn't.

00:40:09.060 | It's who you love and who loves you.

00:40:11.660 | That's basically the American dream.

00:40:13.900 | We can put some kind of net worth number on it.

00:40:16.580 | And yes, I said that purpose doesn't

00:40:18.740 | actually make you happy.

00:40:20.180 | Here's the thing.

00:40:21.180 | Little p purpose causes you to build communities

00:40:24.740 | and communities are just another way

00:40:26.340 | of saying interpersonal connection.

00:40:28.260 | And so I think little p purpose is a great vehicle

00:40:31.220 | towards interpersonal connection.

00:40:33.580 | And I think that's why

00:40:35.300 | we should pursue that kind of purpose.

00:40:37.180 | And so I can go over all sorts of more data.

00:40:39.140 | There's something called the Easterlin paradox,

00:40:40.660 | which basically shows that if you take underserved areas,

00:40:43.060 | people who have no money,

00:40:44.220 | and you give them all money,

00:40:46.580 | their happiness increases briefly

00:40:47.980 | and then falls back down.

00:40:48.900 | But if you take a small group of people,

00:40:50.460 | give them money and then give everyone else nothing,

00:40:52.620 | their happiness shoots up.

00:40:53.820 | So it's actually more comparative

00:40:55.780 | even than the money itself.

00:40:57.820 | So I get it.

00:40:59.540 | We wanna have money,

00:41:00.540 | we wanna have safety,

00:41:01.500 | we wanna have security.

00:41:02.820 | The only thing I can promise you from my own experiences

00:41:05.180 | are those are not gonna be the things

00:41:06.580 | you think about on your deathbed.

00:41:08.980 | - Excellent, thank you.

00:41:10.060 | This may be our last question given time.

00:41:12.700 | Some of what you spoke about

00:41:15.220 | only comes with time and experience and reflection.

00:41:18.780 | How do we improve our capability

00:41:21.140 | and receptivity to such wisdom

00:41:24.100 | that otherwise only comes with time and experience,

00:41:27.220 | decades of time and experience?

00:41:29.740 | - So let me answer this by a roundabout way.

00:41:32.420 | Leif Dahlin gave us talk yesterday

00:41:34.500 | and he mentioned this idea

00:41:35.500 | that happiness is meaning plus purpose.

00:41:39.260 | So a lot of people don't know the difference

00:41:40.540 | between meaning and purpose.

00:41:41.980 | In my opinion, meaning is about the past

00:41:45.460 | and it's about how we think about the past.

00:41:48.300 | It's the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.

00:41:52.100 | Happy people tend to tell themselves hero stories

00:41:55.780 | where unhappy people tend to tell themselves victim stories.

00:41:59.580 | Purpose, on the other hand,

00:42:00.740 | is all about the present and future

00:42:02.260 | and it's about action.

00:42:03.860 | To be happy, we need both.

00:42:05.260 | We need to have a great sense of meaning

00:42:07.380 | so we tell ourself a hero story

00:42:09.180 | so that we can move into the present and future

00:42:11.140 | and believe that things will go well

00:42:12.900 | and we're gonna be okay.

00:42:14.820 | And so what you're talking about here with that question

00:42:16.780 | is about experiences and growing older

00:42:19.580 | and getting smarter as we grow old.

00:42:21.300 | If I could leave you with one concept,

00:42:23.540 | if you wanna be a happier person,

00:42:25.340 | if you wanna find pursuing purpose easier,

00:42:28.020 | tell yourself better stories about yourself.

00:42:32.060 | It's about the past.

00:42:33.580 | Your ability to function in the present and the future

00:42:35.300 | is all about your past.

00:42:37.100 | Develop a better sense of meaning

00:42:39.500 | and it will serve you whether you are 25 years old

00:42:42.500 | or 45 years old or 85 years old.

00:42:45.420 | - Wonderful, thank you.

00:42:48.820 | Any other questions from the audience?

00:42:50.860 | Okay, we're set.

00:42:55.540 | Thank you, Jordan.

00:42:56.540 | - Thank you so much.

00:42:57.380 | (audience applauding)

00:43:00.540 | you

Bogleheads® Conference 2024 Finding Purpose, Balance, and Meaning During the Accumulation Years

Chapters