Free from his hand, he returns, calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand. So we entrust this next hour into your care. Would you feed your sheep? Would you guard and protect this time? And would you be blessed by just our reflections and our worship and our adulation?

In Jesus' name we pray. We all stand for a time of worship. The mystery of the cross I can't comprehend. The agonies of Calvary. You, the perfect holy one, have blessed your son. You drink the bitter cup as if for me. You, the perfect holy one, Jesus, thank you.

Father's wrath completely satisfied. Jesus, thank you. Once you ran away, you were seated at your table. Jesus, thank you. Why your perfect sacrifice I thank you, Father. You ran away, you've made your friend. You're pouring out the riches of your glorious grace. Your mercy and your kindness go nowhere.

Your blood has washed away my sin. Jesus, thank you. Father's wrath completely satisfied. Jesus, thank you. Once you ran away, now seated at your table. Jesus, thank you. Lover of my soul, I want to live for you. Lover of my soul, I want to live for you. Lover of my soul, I want to live for you.

Your blood has washed away my sin. Jesus, thank you. Father's wrath completely satisfied. Jesus, thank you. Your blood has washed away my sin. Jesus, thank you. Father's wrath completely satisfied. Jesus, thank you. Once you ran away, now seated at your table. Jesus, thank you. I will offer up my life in spirit and truth, pouring out the oil of God as my worship to you.

In surrender I must give my every part. Lord, receive the sacrifice of a broken heart. Jesus, what can I give? What can I bring to so faithful a friend, to so loving a King? Savior, what can be said? What can be sung as a praise of your name for the things you have done?

Oh, my words could not tell, not even in part, of the debt of love that is owed by this thankful heart. You deserve my every breath, for you've paid the great cost, giving up your life to death, even death on a cross. You took all my shame away, there defeated my sin.

Open up the gates of hell and have beckoned me in. Jesus, what can I give? What can I bring to so faithful a friend, to so loving a King? Savior, what can be said? What can be sung as a praise of your name for the things you have done?

Oh, my words could not tell, not even in part, of the debt of love that is owed by this thankful heart. You deserve my every breath, for you've paid the great cost, giving up your life to death, even death on a cross. I am part of the family ministry here at Berean.

I'm married to Melissa. She's over there. She has red hair, hard to miss. And I've been a member here at Berean since 2017. So I'm really thankful to have the opportunity to share my testimony. And it's been my prayer that this would be a faithful account, and that I would not add or take away, and that my sharing would be done with a heart of humility, and that God would be glorified.

My story begins in Sacramento. I was born into a loving home, and my parents worked hard to provide me and my older siblings everything we could have asked for growing up. And though we went to church every Sunday, for me, church was just a social activity, a place where I could see friends and play basketball.

To put it plainly, I had no desire to worship or know God, yet I would profess to be a Christian because I went to church. By the time I turned 10, I could tell you exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a Walt Disney Imagineer.

And for those who don't know, they're the people who design and create all the things you see and experience at Disney theme parks. And this strong desire to work for Disney would shape every life decision that I made for the next 15 years. I became an engineer because I wanted to design rides.

I went to UCI because it was the closest school to Disneyland. And after I got my master's degree, I took a lifeguarding job at Disney and did that for two years because it was the only way that I could get my foot in the door. Suffice to say, my love for Disney was deep.

When I left for college, I felt no need for church since I would find plenty of other opportunities to make friends. And slowly I would drift further away from God while trying to hold on to a form of nominal Christianity until even that would become undone. As I got good grades and worked my way to the top of my class, pride in my intellectual aptitude grew.

And using my newly acquired education, I began questioning things like why I believed in God. I remember thinking that science and Christianity seemed incompatible. Science was rooted in deductive logic and inductive reasoning, and Christianity, the things of God, would continue for the next four years. Deeper and deeper, I fell into darkness, enslaved to sin, rejecting invitations to church, partaking in heavy drinking, clinging to my worldly ambitions and showing zero resistance to my fleshly desires.

Here I was, in full rebellion against the living God, wise in my own eyes, denying and suppressing the truth. But praise God that he is the author of my story and not me, and praise God that the God we worship is a God of mercy and kindness. As Paul says in Romans 2, 4, God's kindness would endear and lead him to forbear and show patience toward me.

During my sophomore year in college, an old friend reached out and asked if we could meet up. And after we caught up for a bit, he asked me if you were to die today and stand before God. And God asked, "Why should I let you into my kingdom? What would you say?" And I said, "Well, think of a pretty good person.

I love my family. I went to church." He then introduced me to this foreign concept of salvation by faith, not by words. Faith believing that Jesus lived and died for our sins and those who choose to repent and follow him would be delivered from the penalty of sin and given everlasting life.

It was the first time I heard a clear presentation of the gospel, and it caused me to question what I really knew about Christianity. I would also become close friends with another Christian in college who began inviting me out to church week after week after week. And for three years, I gave him the same answer, "No." Until finally, senior year came around, and I said, "Yes." I don't remember why I said yes, and maybe I had run out of excuses, maybe I felt pity, or maybe I couldn't help but admire and reward the perseverance and the patience that he showed.

But the one thing I know for sure is that this was an act of God's grace. In 2012, I walked through the doors of Berean for the first time, feeling slightly apprehensive. And it was strange seeing so many young, educated college students passionately worshipping God and even going so far as to taking notes as they listened to Pastor Peter preach.

And I remember leaving that day intrigued, wondering what compelled these people to come to church when they could be doing anything else. And so at this time, God began softening my heart, and I started searching for answers. During my senior year, I somehow found myself outnumbered four to one, living in an apartment full of Bereans who witnessed to me and were eager to respond to my questions.

I had gone on and read every book recommendation on Christian apologetics, and I became oddly shocked by how coherent and rational the Christian faith actually was. I realized that you didn't need to throw reason and logic out the door when defending the faith, and that the body of evidence for the Bible was actually quite staggering, with thousands of manuscripts, eyewitness accounts, and testimonies.

I also remember finding C.S. Lewis' moral argument particularly persuasive, that we could simply not know right from wrong, good versus evil, without a divine moral law. So at this point, though I felt convinced that the truth of the faith was real, I still evaded the Lordship of Christ and did not come to repentance.

I knew that following Christ would mean dying to this world, and I just didn't want to let go. I loved and craved the world too much, and that's when I realized that my opposition to the Christian faith was not an intellectual problem. It was a heart problem. The final straw came in 2013 when I was in grad school, and I got a call from my mom telling me that my cousin had passed away from cardiac arrest while walking home to his dorm at Cal Poly.

He was 20 years old. It was the first time I ever experienced tragedy. That night, I remember being completely lost, and for the first time in my life, turning to the Scriptures. I read 1 Thessalonians 4.13, which says, "But we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, about those who have fallen asleep, so that you may not grieve like the rest who have no hope." I read this verse looking for comfort, but instead I found a piercing conviction.

Paralyzed by the fierce reality of death, I knew I did not have this hope, and the possibility of standing at the judgment seat of Christ, being sentenced to an eternity in hell, struck fear in my heart. The Bible describes us as grass that withers, vapors that appear and then vanishes, that this life is short and eternity is longer.

At that point, I knew that I needed to stop clinging to my sins and desires for this world. I knew I needed Christ. I had been running from the will of God for so long, and I just couldn't run any longer. Though I don't know the exact time of my conversion, I do know this.

Standing before you today is a sinner, undeserving of God's love and unworthy to enter his kingdom. Yet by his grace and by faith in Christ, he raised me from the dead. Christ emptied himself and became the propitiation for not just my sins, but the sins of all mankind. As I recall the events of my testimony, I think of John 3, 19 to 21.

It says, "This is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and men love the darkness rather than the light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the light and does not come to the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

But he who practices the truth comes to the light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God." When I look back to the time before I met Christ, I see my utterly sinful state, filled with lust, pride, arrogance, greed, dishonesty, envy, jealousy, selfish ambition, drunkenness, and sexual immorality.

To summarize, a heart bent from God. But hallelujah, that through the blood of Jesus Christ, I can now see the amazing work of God, who ordained and orchestrated every event, every tragedy, every triumph, through his sovereign grace, for my good and for his glory. God uses everything and wastes nothing.

He took my love for Disney and he transformed it into a love for Christ. He took my scientific doubts and he turned them into proclamations of his handiwork. And he took my heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh. God proves time and time again that he is faithful and that his will is perfect.

And he reminds me every day that in my flesh I am made weak, but in the spirit I am given strength. Strength to pursue holiness and to persevere. He is a God worthy of all honor, glory, and praise. And he continually reveals the richness of his promises and the depths of his love through the wondrous power of the cross.

Thank you. Amen. Thank you, Kevin. Can we pray together as we ask the Lord to minister to us tonight? Father, thank you for just the work that you do in the lives of our people, for your glory and for our joy. And as we hear just the events and as we think through the events of this Wednesday, I pray that you would feed our hearts, cause us not to just be sober and humbled, but to leave here in wonder, in awe, and with much gratitude.

Would you take charge of this time and feed your people? In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. So tonight we're reflecting on the Wednesday of the Passion Week. And from Palm Sunday to Tuesday, Jesus and his disciples spent a lot of time each day at the temple. And there's a lot of teaching that's taking place on these days.

And you may have noticed as you've read through the passages, today's is a little shorter. Traditionally and historically, Wednesday of the Passion Week has been called Silent Wednesday. Silent because the scripture doesn't say much about Wednesday outside of the preparations being made for the Passover. And while Jesus and his disciples remain in Bethany for a last time of fellowship and perhaps some additional teaching, Judas returns alone to Jerusalem to arrange the betrayal of Jesus.

And the scripture suggests that Judas was often sent out on errands as a group's treasurer. So none of the disciples probably thought much of his absence on that day. So I'm going to read Luke 22, 1 through 6 for you. "Now the Feast of Unleavened Bread, which is called the Passover, was approaching.

The chief priests and the scribes were seeking how they might put him to death, for they were afraid of the people. And Satan entered into Judas, who was called Iscariot, belonging to the number of the Twelve. And he went away and discussed with the chief priests and officers how he might betray him to them.

And they were glad and agreed to give him money. So he consented and he began seeking a good opportunity to betray him to them, apart from the crowd." So here we see Satan at work. And in verse 3, we actually have a very scary verse. Satan himself enters into Judas, one of the Twelve.

So the chief priests and scribes, now they have a willing inside man. They did not have to do any work to lure or to bribe any of the disciples. One of the disciples took the initiative to come to them. So an arrangement was made. Judas Iscariot, a disciple who had been handpicked by the Lord Jesus himself, was going to commit the biggest act of betrayal in the history of humankind.

If you think about this, this seems almost absurd. This really is an unbelievable thing. How could someone in such close proximity to Jesus turn on him in such a way? And what kind of devilish man was this Judas Iscariot? Because how sinister, how evil, how foolish this man must have been to do such a thing.

And on this silent Wednesday, we're going to be spending some time looking at what the gospel accounts say about Judas Iscariot. So well, one, Judas had stuck with Jesus when most of the crowds, including those who had been called followers and disciples, had turned away from him. So if you read John 6, the narrative where Jesus said that he was the bread of life, he told the crowds that he was the destination and not just the means, and in him was life, in him was eternal life, he was eternal life, and he didn't come to fill their bellies or to overthrow the Roman government and make their lives easier.

Jesus preached in John 6 that he was God incarnate. And so this could not have but sounded super blasphemous to the people that were there. This was crazy talk. And understandably, many of the people were incredulous, and Jesus' teachings started getting very hard to listen to and to understand.

And at these hard teachings, most of the crowds started to withdraw, and they stopped walking with Jesus. But Judas remained with him. Judas stuck with Jesus Christ. So let me read for you the end portion of John 6, 66 to 69. "As a result of this, many of his disciples withdrew and were not walking with him anymore.

So Jesus said to the twelve, 'You do not want to go away also, do you?' And Simon Peter answered him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God.'" And whether this was only head knowledge or simply lip service, I'm sure at this point in time, this was also Judas' verbal confession.

And perhaps he may have only mentally ascribed to these truths, but Judas too publicly confessed Jesus as the bread of life. And he backed up his confession by continuing on with Jesus. The second thing we know is that Judas too, having given spiritual power and authority, had been commissioned to preach the gospel in the mighty name of Jesus.

So Judas, like the rest of the twelve, was with Jesus for most of the three years he did his public ministry. And Judas not only witnessed and marveled at the miracles of Jesus, he himself performed miracles. He preached. He cleansed lepers. He cast out demons. He healed the sick.

And he perhaps even raised the dead. Matthew 10, I'm going to read verse 1 and then I'm going to jump to 7 to 8. It reads, "Jesus summoned his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits to cast them out and to heal every kind of disease and every kind of sickness." So I'm going to skip to verse 7.

"And as you go, preach, saying, 'The kingdom of heaven is at hand. Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons, freely you received, freely give.'" In verses 2-4 in this passage, it's not up here, but it gives a list of the names of the twelve disciples who are given this commission, who are given this power.

And Judas is mentioned there in verse 4. So the apostle Judas was a man who had spiritually empowered gifts. Third, Judas on the surface appeared to be a very trustworthy fellow. Judas looked dependable and trustworthy. The apostle Judas had specific responsibilities that differed from those of the other apostles.

And he is often found saying what appears on the surface to be the right thing. Judas was pretty good with his words. They're always calculated and they're always pretty correct. John 12, 4-6, "But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples, who was intending to betray him, said, 'Why was this perfume not sold for 300 denarii and given to poor people?' Now he said this not because he was concerned about the poor, but because he was a thief.

And as he had the money box, he used to pilfer what was put into it." So here the scripture explicitly tells us that Judas was a thief. But there are a couple of details I'm hoping you don't miss. The first is that Judas, he's the one making mention of the poor.

And Judas is often saying the right things. So there's nothing wrong with this statement in and of itself. Second, Judas is the keeper of the money box. Notice it wasn't Matthew the tax collector or Peter the leader. It's Judas. And usually when we appoint or designate someone to handle the group's funds, we usually put the money into the hands of one we deem most trustworthy.

And it doesn't ever tell us that the other disciples had any problems with Jesus being in charge of the finances. So they trusted him. No one was suspicious of him or had any misgivings about him. They trusted Judas. Why? Because Judas, on the surface, appeared to be a man whom they can trust.

So what are the three things we know about Judas from what we see in the gospel accounts? One, he was a man who had stuck with Jesus when most of the crowds had distanced themselves from him. Two, he was one who had been given spiritual power and authority to preach and teach and perform miracles.

And third, he was a man trusted by the 11 other disciples. And here we're going to have to do a little preview of tomorrow, Thursday's events. Because we learn much more about the reputation of Jesus Iscariot and how his reputation was with the other disciples. And I'm going to walk you briefly through the 13th chapter of John and of Jesus' interactions with the Apostle Judas at the Last Supper.

So if you have your Bibles with you, I actually would encourage you here to open up your Bible to follow along as I quickly work through the details of John 13. So I'm going to pause here and say, look at your Bibles and turn your Bible to John 13.

The verses are going to be put up here for you, but you can fill in more gaps with your eyes if your Bible is open and you're actually seeing everything that's happening. So I would encourage you to open your Bible up. John 13.10. Beginning in John 13.10, Jesus says four times that one of the twelve will betray him.

Four times. And it isn't obvious to a single person among them that Jesus is referring to Judas Iscariot. Four times Jesus speaks of being betrayed by one of the twelve, and no one has a clue who he's talking about. So here's the first time. John 13.10-11, Jesus said to him, "He who has bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean.

And you are clean, but not all of you." For he knew the one who was betraying him, and for this reason he said, "Not all of you are clean." So this first time is a little more subtle. Jesus had just got done washing his disciples' feet, and there's nothing in the Scriptures that tell us that he skipped Judas' feet.

So we can assume that he washed Judas' feet the same way. But Jesus takes this moment to say that someone among them is unclean, after he had just cleaned them. The second time in verse 18, Jesus is actually a little bit more explicit. John 13.18, "I do not speak of all of you.

I know the ones I have chosen. But it is that the Scripture may be fulfilled, 'He who eats my bread has lifted up his heel against me.'" So, and if they didn't get it the first two times, Jesus says a third time in verse 21, "And this time his spirit is troubled." And judging from the response of his disciples, my guess is that this time around, there's a lot more emotion in his voice.

So I'm going to read John 13.21, "When Jesus had said this, he became troubled in spirit and testified and said, 'Truly, truly, I say to you that one of you will betray me.'" So now he's really explicit. He just doesn't mention anyone by name. And the disciples are now perceiving that Jesus is a little bit worked up, he's a little bit upset, so they begin to murmur to one another.

And you know what's absolutely crazy here? They have no idea who Jesus is talking about. The passage continues, John 13.22-25. The disciples began to look at one another, at a loss to know which one he was speaking of. And there was one reclining on Jesus' bosom, one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.

He's leaning against the Lord. So Simon Peter gestured to him and said to him, "Hey, tell us who it is of whom you're speaking." And John, presumably leaning back, thus on Jesus' bosom, said to him, "Lord, who is it?" Judas is sitting right there. And remember, he is beyond a demon possessed at this point.

He had spent time being influenced by Satan himself. In fact, in Luke's account, which I read in the very beginning, it says that Satan had already entered into Judas. So Judas was beyond demon possessed, Judas was beyond unclean spirit possessed. He was devil possessed. And the other eleven disciples had no idea that Judas is the one Jesus is referring to.

In fact, my guess is that he was probably the last one they suspected. So now all the disciples are second-guessing themselves. Jesus is a man. He said one of us is going to betray him. And they're introspective. In Matthew's account, we see in chapter 26 that each of them is deeply grieved.

So now they're crushed. All eleven of them are just crushed. And each takes a turn asking Jesus, "Surely not I, Lord? Not I? Am I capable of that?" And then this brings us to the fourth time Jesus speaks of his betrayal. John 13, 26-30, Jesus then answers, "That is the one for whom I shall dip the morsel and give it to him." So then he dipped the morsel, he took it, and gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot.

Judas is, uh... And after the morsel, Satan then entered into him, presumably again because he had done that the day before. And therefore Jesus said to him, "Judas, what you do, go do quickly." Because remember, he's disturbed now. Verse 28, "Now no one of those reclining at the table knew for what purpose he had said this to him.

For some were still supposing because Judas had the money box that Jesus was saying to him, 'Buy the things we need for the feast.' Or that he should give something to the poor." So Judas, after receiving the morsel, he went out immediately, and it was night. And I want to read verse 28 again for you.

"Now no one of those reclining at the table knew." The Greek word is "oudes," not "one person." I have about six or seven children's Bibles at home. In all of them, you kind of know who Judas Iscariot is early on. He's the one with the scowl on his face.

He's the one always looking like he's up to no good. He's the one kind of standing off to the side. But in reality, he is so well put together that no one has any idea that Judas would be Jesus' betrayer. He's the last person they'd suspect. And my guess is that he could have even been a warm and jolly fellow.

Very joy-filled, perhaps. He may even have been the disciple whom Jesus corrected or rebuked the very least. So even after Jesus says four times, the other eleven still think that Judas is just being sent out on an errand. No one was suspecting and saying, "Hey, where were you yesterday?

You went alone to Jerusalem, brother. What did you do there exactly?" Udais. Not one person among them. So what does this teach us? First, that man's spiritual vision is absolutely stupid and horrible. In our flesh, you and me, our spiritual eyeballs are stupid and horrible. Why does God tell the prophet Samuel not to judge by the outward external appearance when he's looking for the next king?

Because man has always been easily tricked by outward appearances. And we read in 2 Corinthians 11.14, Satan, and I would also assume the cohorts, his demon cohorts, he disguises himself as an angel of light. Unoffensive, beautiful. Our natural eyes see very poorly. And we naturally walk by sight and not by faith.

And on Silent Wednesday, Jesus was betrayed by the last person his disciples would ever have suspected. Judas himself possibly had never imagined that he would be capable of such a thing. Because he was deceiving and being deceived. What a sobering thought. There exists in every single one of us qualities that are very scarily similar to Judas Iscariot.

And here are some of the good ones. Okay? He has a commitment that perseveres and swims upstream. He has some degree of commitment. He has good repute in the eyes of many. I mean, he keeps all the money, right? He's trustworthy. And he has the ability, uncannily so, to say kind of the right thing kind of at the right time.

And perhaps, even to varying degrees, he's got some spiritual talent, some spiritual ability, and supernatural power. If we look at Matthew 7, we come to understand that none of those things, though, exempt us from a pronouncement of "Depart from me, you worker of iniquity, I've never known you." So before holy, holy, holy God, those things don't measure up at all.

But there exists in every single one of us qualities similar to Judas Iscariot. And here's one very damning quality I pray none of us ever have. And it's this one. The decision to exchange a relationship with the Son of God for what is our equivalent to 30 pieces of silver.

So here's a sobering question to ask yourself on Silent Wednesday. Is there some Judas the betrayer in you? If it were not for the grace of God, Judas' story could very well be our story. Had it not been for the grace of God, our folly and our demise would be no different from Judas'.

John 6, 64, Jesus says, "But there are some of you who do not believe. For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who it was that would betray him." Odd. Jesus had known from the very beginning what Judas would eventually do. And yet he recruited him, yet he invited him in.

He called Judas "friend." He still calls Judas "friend" even as the man leans in to kiss and betray him. Friend. And I can't presume to know how Jesus must have felt every day interacting with Judas. But it's not hard to imagine that he loved Judas the same as he loved the other disciples.

And I'm convinced that Jesus treated Judas exactly the same way as he treated the others. It would not be out of character for Jesus to also tenderly, lovingly have washed Judas' feet the same way as he had washed the others. Can you imagine? Lovingly wash, lovingly wash, lovingly wash, scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub.

He didn't do that. And why do I believe that he also could have tenderly washed, lovingly washed Judas' feet? Because Jesus, as it says in Hebrews, is the radiance of the Father's glory and the exact representation of the Father's nature. So he too, like his Father, loves his enemies.

We serve a God who is able to love his enemies. We serve a God who would give his life for his enemies. And that's what this week is about. Right? Romans 5, 6-8, let me read this for you. "For while we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly.

For one will hardly die for a righteous man, though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates his own love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, hostile, filthy, helpless, Christ died for us. But God demonstrates his own love toward us in that while we all are just as capable of betrayal like Judas, Christ would nevertheless die for us." And this is what we're celebrating this week.

This is what we're reflecting on this week. "Were it not for the grace of God and Christ's work on the cross and the power of his resurrection, our judgment and our faith and our condemnation would be no different from Judas's." So on this silent Wednesday, may Judas's life and betrayal both humble us and sober us up.

And may we be reminded never, ever, to exchange the glory of the immortal God, to exchange a relationship with the creator of the universe, to exchange the ability to be intimate with holy, holy, holy God for anything that looks like a paltry sum of 30 pieces of silver. Amen?

Let's pray together. Father, we pray that you would cause us to be very reflective, pensive, healthily fearful, sober. And I pray, Father God, that that would draw us to your throne of grace again and again. And I pray that as we reflect on your choice of us as your people, that it really would do such a number on our hearts that on Friday, we come feeling completely helpless and overflowing with gratitude and joy at your grace.

Humble us, sober us, and cause us, Lord God, to overflow with deep gratitude as we serve the living God. We pray this in Jesus' name. Can we all stand for our closing praise?