Okay, if you can turn your Bibles with me to Hebrews chapter 13. We're going to finish up this text, verse 17 to 19. First, Hebrews chapter 13, verse 17 to 19. It says, "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account.

Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you. Pray for us, for we are sure that we have a good conscience, desiring to conduct ourselves honorably in all things. And I urge you all the more to do this so that I may be restored to you sooner." Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, we pray for your blessing. We pray that your word would illuminate us, help us to see a greater glimpse of who you are, that we may submit ourselves, Lord God, to your word, and that your word and your glory will be at the center of this church.

In Jesus' name we pray, amen. I want to read you a poem that I wrote when I was 23. Okay, so it's been many years ago. And basically I wrote this in a period of discouragement, just to kind of remind myself to give me strength to persevere. And basically the poem goes like this.

I have come too far to retreat, to remain in my defeat. I have no other paths to take, for there are too many things at stake. My soul thirsts to see the only king, to finally know the joy and peace he'll bring. The light will fill the darkness everywhere, nothing that I know will compare.

Though I've fallen more than I can remember, my thoughts go back to that night in December when my soul was snatched from the fire and the only king filled all my desires. Not by works, but by grace I will meet. I've come too far to retreat. I don't even remember the context in writing that, but I do remember the discouragement and thinking to myself, like just kicking and screaming, like I don't want to do pastoral ministry.

You know, I'll be a missionary. I'll be on campus and I'll do whatever else, but pastoral ministry. Because every pain and every bad memory that I have with childhood was somehow connected to church because my dad was a pastor. And so when I knew going in that that was going to come, but when it actually started happening and we started, the discouragement started to come, the interpersonal relational conflict started to come, it wasn't just about that thing.

It was just all the stuff that I remember was, am I ready for this? Do I want to take my kids through this? Do I want to take my wife in this? And so as I was wrestling through that, I just, you know, back then I used to write songs and write poems, and I haven't done that in years.

But as I was writing that, looking back at it now, only if I knew what was coming, I wouldn't have been able to persevere. But what I'm thankful for is that because I saw it in my parents, that at least I had some inkling, I had some idea. I wasn't necessarily caught off guard.

It didn't make it like easy, but at least I knew what was coming. I knew what I was getting into. Many, many years have gone by since then, 30 years have gone by since I wrote that poem, 30 some years. And again, by God's providence, he only gives you enough to know at that moment.

If you know what's coming, how many of us would be able to persevere? Whatever it is that you're doing, God gives us the strength that we need to persevere at that moment. You know, as we were going through this text, obviously we started out by understanding the biblical calling of leaders in the church, the very high calling in the church.

And so we take this very, very seriously, sometimes to the point where people are frustrated that we need to have a very high view of the church. Doesn't mean that the leadership is perfect, that they don't make mistakes, but at least by our standard, we need to have a very high standard.

Because if the leaders are compromised, automatically the church will be compromised. Along with that, he said, if the leaders are committed to that, the congregation needs to commit to the leadership. And so last week we looked at to obey and submit. Obey and submit basically means to place yourself under, make it easier for them to lead you and sacrifice for you and pray for you, because it is to your benefit, because God has put the leaders in charge to watch over the souls of the congregation.

Today's sermon is a lot more personal, because I'm basically asking for prayer this morning. I'm very encouraged that we have a church that's praying for our leadership. I get an email from our sister Helen once a month, representing the family ministry, saying, "Hey, you have any prayer requests?" And so most of the prayer requests that I give probably looks the same as the previous months because a lot of things that we get entangled with is kind of hard to share.

And so we have to sift through what can I share, what can I not share. But today I wanted to share, representing all the leadership, and this is not just us, so that you can kind of get a better glimpse of what leadership struggles with, and so that when you do pray for us, you can pray for us in more detail, more accurately.

The prayer request falls into two categories here. When Paul says in verse 18, "Pray for us, for we are sure that we have a good conscience, desiring to conduct ourselves honorably in all things." So the first thing is to pray for our own sanctification. Pray for the sanctification and maturity and growth and wrestling with sins in ourselves first, in the leadership.

Second, to pray for the ministry. He says, "I urge you all the more to do this so that I may be restored to you the sooner." Paul, his ministry, his prayer is always kind of centered around his ministry. "Give me boldness that the doors may be opened and the gospel may spread rapidly." And so that's the second part.

So the first part, when he says, "Pray for us, knowing that we have a good conscience, desiring to conduct ourselves honorably in all things." When he says to pray for that they would have a good conscience, and then he says to conduct ourselves honorably in all things, he's talking about sanctification inside and out.

On the surface, because this is our job, we have to study the Bible. We have to do counseling, we do evangelism, and so everything that pertains to running the church, we can do and be completely a different person internally. In fact, Pharisees were the godliest people on the surface, probably more than majority of the people in our generation.

They studied the Bible more than, they memorized the Bible. They went witnessing. They gave. They tithed. They did everything that you're supposed to. They prayed. They fasted. And yet when Jesus rebuked them, he said, "You are no different than a whitewashed tomb." Meaning that on the surface, you clean it so that it looks beautiful, but inside it's just filled with dead men's bones.

On the surface, as a job, we can preach and teach and evangelize and counsel and do all that thing. But if we're not careful, we can ignore our conscience, where we can do all these things and make disciples, but inwardly, we are filled with pride, greed, bitterness, anger, slander, and we excuse all of that because people don't know about that.

If I don't tell you, if we don't confess it, you would not know. If I don't share that and ask for prayers, you wouldn't know. So we can do the work on the external because we're concerned because there's immediate consequences if we don't get the external things correctly while ignoring our conscience.

Paul says, "Pray for us because we are trying hard to have a good conscience and desiring with all our might to conduct honorably." This is one thing that you just cannot do unless there is righteousness inside and outside. Everybody, I mean, you guys are all in different fields, right?

If you're a business owner, there's a special kind of skill that you need to make the food, to advertise, to manage the money, manage the workers, and especially during the pandemic, you had all kinds of things that you needed to do in order to keep it running. Well, on the surface, the church is no different.

I don't think on the surface, the church is more difficult because there's a lot of things that we can do on the surface, right? If you're a good manager, if you're good with people, maybe you're a good teacher, we can do all of these things. But you cannot bear fruit because the Bible says that you cannot bear fruit unless you abide in me.

Unless there is an abiding that is taking place in the leadership, in conscience, and in conduct, he says you cannot bear fruit. We can fake it, we can get you to maybe thank us and adore us, but the real fruit that comes from the conviction of the Holy Spirit isn't going to happen unless the leaders themselves have a clear conscience before God, inside and out.

Paul says in Acts 24, verse 16, "In view of this, I also do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience before God and before men." And then in 1 Peter 3, verse 16, it says, "Keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame." He said the reason why leaders have to be above reproach is because we have the job, and again, this isn't unique to us.

The whole church, every single Christian is called to make disciples, but the leaders are to be an example of this. So we have the job of proclaiming the gospel that basically tells the world that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. That you need to repent and humble yourself before this King, and until you turn from the empty way of life, there is no salvation, there is no hope beyond this life.

So if you believe that, then I've turned you away from your sin to eternal life. But if you do not believe that, then I've offended you, because I just call your whole way of life empty. That you are deep in sin, and that there is eternal judgment waiting for you.

So this message that we've been given to preach to this fallen world is a very offensive message if they do not believe, if they do not receive it. So because if the people do not receive it, the natural response is going to be, "Well, who the heck are you to tell me that?" So we invite criticism.

We invite reviling. I think maybe another way to put it is, if somebody comes into your room early in the morning and they flip the light on, right, it's still dark, five in the morning, they flip the light on, how will you respond? It depends, right? You have a job at 5.30, and if you don't get there in time, then you're going to lose this job.

So if somebody comes in and flicks the light on, thank you, because if you didn't do that, I would have just slept through, and I would have lost this job. You may respond that way depending on the context and what you believe and why they did that. But let's say it's Saturday morning, you know what I mean?

And you woke up early all week, and then the only day you have to sleep in is Saturday, and maybe the person flicking the light on forgot that was the case, and they flipped the light on. How would you respond? "Thank you, I know you meant well." Okay, can you please turn that off, right?

Maybe. "What are you doing?" Especially if that's your sibling, right? "Saturday's the only day I was able to sleep in, the best dream of my life, and you woke me up. What are you doing, you jerk?" The kind of response that you're going to get when the light gets turned on, it depends on what the light does for you.

Does it wake you up to save you, to get you to the place you need to go? Or is it disturbing you, or where you want to stay? That's exactly what the gospel does. When you turn the light on, it'll cause you to get you to move from where you are to somewhere else, but if you don't want to move, the gospel is very disturbing.

It's irritating. It's offensive. And so because of that, if the elders were called to preach the gospel, flick the light on, some people will thank us, and many will find ways to accuse us. So if the leaders of the church are not above reproach, and that thing gets turned around and say, "Well, look at you," and if any of that sticks, they nullify the message because they've nullified the messenger.

In 1 Timothy 1.5 it says, "But the goal of our instruction is love." The goal of our instruction is love. Right before this text, Apostle Paul tells Timothy to go fight against these false teachers, command them to stop teaching these false doctrines. So he's telling Timothy to gear up for this fight.

But as he is commanding him to do that, he says, "Remember that even in the midst of this fight, the goal of it is love." The goal of it, the reason why we're fighting is so that we can establish love. But he says, "But from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." In order to be effective in this struggle to keep the truth, we need to have our eyes on the reason why we're doing that, that Christ came and says what characterized us as disciples of Christ is love.

And what I've experienced through the years is when I'm not doing right, and I don't have a clear conscience, the first thing that is impossible to do is to love people. It takes every ounce of energy in me because it takes so much out to love people that I don't want to love.

It's easy to seek justice. You did me wrong, so you deserve this. It's easy to do that. You hurt me, so I'm going to hurt you because that's our natural reflex. But to pray for them, to seek what's best, to do your best to love them, it goes against my nature.

So it's nothing more humbling that we can do in the flesh than to love somebody that you do not want to love. It requires a good conscience. I don't know how many times I'm on my knees just being broken because everything in my flesh is fighting against this. But I know that if I don't practice this, that whatever sermon that I give, that I'm a fake.

I present the facade of loving Christ, that this is the most important thing, and it's with my mouth, but not with my life. There's a huge difference between a sermon that you hear from the mouth versus a sermon you hear from their life. And a leader cannot do this until his conscience is clear, inside and out.

Now who's able to do this? This calling for the leadership in the church is not something that we can muster up. Are there just few good men who just happen to be good in soul, who just happen to be better in intellect, who has more courage than the average person?

It's beyond us. We're just like you. And sometimes because we're in ministry and we have this title of leader or whatever it may be, you're a pastor. It's like, "Oh, your family's like this because you're a pastor. Oh, you struggle, you don't do this because you're a pastor." So a lot of times we have to tell our elders, you know, sometimes they follow you more than they follow us because our life looks different, right?

But we're not any different. Every temptation you struggle with, I struggle with. You want the best things for your kids. So do we. You want to live in a nice house instead of a shack. Me too, right? You don't want your cars breaking down in the middle of the road.

Me neither. I want to make sure that there's enough to retire on. I want to make sure that my wife is taken care of, my kids are taken care of, that I have stuff to leave behind them. You struggle with that. You're tempted by it. So am I. I have to constantly fight against my own flesh.

And I'm not saying any of that stuff is wrong, but that's not our priority. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and it says, "All these things shall be added unto you." I don't know how many times I've repeated that verse in my own head to fight my own flesh because I'm tempted, you know.

I need money, you know, to make it easier for my mom and for my dad. And I remember as a young kid promising, "We're going to make sure that you ride limousine and you're going to get your Cadillac." And, you know, I know Cadillac is not popular now. Today's version was, "I'm going to buy you the best Tesla.

You know, we're going to make sure because you suffered enough." And, you know, just like a lot of the kids do, we did the same thing. But when we decided to go into ministry, we have to wrestle with that, right? And I had to go against all the promises, right?

We're going to have to let that go and give it in God's hand. But the temptation has never gone away. I never thought that I would, because I don't feel like I'm materialistic, right? I think if I went into business, like, I would have been obsessed. That's just my personality, you know?

But I don't have like this longing to live in a big house, you know? In fact, my dream is, you know, Esther knows, is to live in a van, you know? Have very little clutter and then just move and just wake up in the morning at the beach. You know what I mean?

Like that's my dream. So I don't have this like big vision of like I want nice things, right? But after you have kids, it's different because it's not just me, right? I want my wife to have nice things. I want my kids to have nice things. And I really remember, you know, when we started having kids, the temptation because we didn't, I mean, we really had nothing, like literally nothing.

We had to calculate even to buy groceries. And then not having air conditioning in the car when my child was an infant and every time he rode that car, he would come out just in sweat. And I remember really wrestling with like I wish I had more money, you know?

And I had to fight. Sikhi first, the kingdom of God. And all these things shall be added unto you. So throughout the years, I had to repeat that in my head because the struggle and the temptation to chase after that, you know, is always there. It's not gone now.

You know, it's there. But I know that this is not something you can do part time. Like either I believe it and give my life like Apostle Paul or I do something else. Paul says to Timothy, 1 Timothy 1.18, "This command I entrust to you, Timothy, my son, in accordance with the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you fight the good fight." He called Timothy to fight, not just to check in and check out.

So the temptation for us as pastors is to approach this like a job, you know? Because you get paid, you do certain things, and then so we do certain, we preach and we manage the church, do counseling, and we get paid, so that's how we take care of our family.

But this is not a ministry that you can do as a job. This is a ministry where you have to be called. That you need to be consumed with this, that there's nothing more important than to get the gospel out and to establish a church. Sometimes you may eat well, sometimes you may not.

Sometimes the bills are paid, sometimes you are not. But if our commitment to this is if we can take care of our family, then we'll do it. If we can't, we can't, then sooner or later you're going to end up walking away. This is not something that you can do just by doing it as a job.

And after years and years of doing this, the temptation for that is very real, right? Especially now that the church is a certain size and we have so many pastors and so many people volunteering and helping out, it just kind of runs, right? I don't have to like strive in prayer so that Sunday service was going to happen.

I don't have to wrestle and there's a sense of urgency to get you gathered because you're going to come. So the temptation is to just get it done, right? But I know when I'm sober that the urgency to get the gospel out is no different whether we are a thousand or ten, whether 40 years ago or now.

It's just that there's a temptation for us to settle. In fact, Paul says in 2 Timothy 4, 9 through 11, he says, "Make every effort to come to me for demons loving this present world have deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescent has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia.

Only Luke is with me." This is the very last letter Paul wrote before he died. You know, oftentimes we think of Paul going out, planting all these churches and then he went out in glory. He did it. Some of the last letters that he wrote was very depressing. And for whatever the reason, I gravitate toward those letters the most, 1 Corinthians and 2 Timothy.

Because I see a real man. I see a real struggle that he, you can almost say he's like, he's discouraged. Because they've all gone. He said, "Only Luke is with me." And then he's telling his next generation young pastors, "Make sure this doesn't happen to you. Entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.

Don't get entangled with civilian affairs so that you may please the commanding officer." And he's begging with them. He's saying this in the context with all these other people. Demas is mentioned in Philemon as his co-worker. He went through all these trials with him. But he says they're about to go.

That's why Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9, 26, "I run in such a way as not without aim. I box in such a way as not beating the air, but I discipline my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified." That's Apostle Paul writing that.

There's a man who was beaten, shipwrecked. He was bitten by scorpions. He was starving at some point. And you would think if anybody was sober, if anybody didn't struggle with him, he almost seemed like a Superman. And he says, "After I preach to others, I need to discipline my body and make it my slave because the temptation to compromise, to give in, is real." We need your prayers because this is beyond us.

This is not something we can do by our own might because we found talented men. Oh, these men are more courageous than average people. We are not. We're not more courageous. We are not smarter than other people. God convicted us. He opened our eyes, showed us the glory of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and that Christ that we met, we want to tell other people.

It's not because we're more gifted. It wasn't because we were stronger. It's not because we're more disciplined. We were just convicted. So pray for us that our conscience, our life, inside and out, will be pleasing to the Lord. We are being sanctified as you are being sanctified. Secondly, he says, pray for the work.

Pray for the work. Hebrews chapter 13, 19, he says, "I urge you all the more to do this so that I may be restored to you the sooner." Now, I think this is a possible. There's a lot of people who think it's Barnabas and various other people, but I've gone through this text verse by verse for about five or six times now, and I see traces of his thinking.

It may not be him. Some people believe it is, and some people believe it's somebody else, but I'm going to talk to you like it is. Apostle Paul had ... He was just one track mind. Life or death, he needs to preach the gospel. Life or death. This man, who literally was sitting in prison, and he ended up getting beheaded, and he had prophets from God, true prophets, not fake prophets, right?

Not prophets who just kind of say this. I got this impression. This is a true prophet who is telling truth, told Paul, "If you go to Jerusalem, you're going to be bound and put into prison." He says, "Not only am I willing to go to prison, I'm willing to die." He got on that boat, and he went, and he's sure, just as he said, he got bound, and he started spending his time in prison.

This man almost seems superhuman to us. He says in Ephesians 6, 19, "Pray for boldness to preach the word in season and out of season." If any man had boldness, you would think Apostle Paul had boldness, right? Can you think of another person who literally got stoned, dragged out to die, right?

And you say, "Oh my gosh." The thought that somebody is going to throw one pebble at you probably will keep us away from the doors closed in that village. When we say, "Lord, open the door for the gospel to enter," oftentimes we're praying for a red carpet to be thrown out.

"We'll give you this money, all the food's ready. We have a church there, and here's a pulpit ready, and people are asking for you to come." It's like, "Please open the door." This is a guy, when he says, "Open the door," he's talking about people who's trying to kill me, help me to stay safe so I can get over there.

And yet, he says, "Pray for boldness." I think he's asking for boldness because he was struggling with that, because he's human. He remembers the pain of getting hit by rocks. He remembers not having food to eat. He remembers being shipwrecked, almost dying. He remembers being whooped to the point of death.

And on top of all of that, his fellow countrymen and the very church that he spent, risked everything to plant in Corinth was questioning, "Who are you?" Mostly because they didn't like what he had to say, because he came out hard in 1 Corinthians. "Shall I come to you with a whip?" He said, "Who are you?" Calling us out, "Who are you?

You're not even an apostle. Your letters are strong, but your presence is weak." And you see 2 Corinthians, he's agonizing, trying to defend his apostleship to the very people that he risked his life to get the gospel to. You think that didn't bother him? You think he just shrugged that off?

"I love Jesus, so it doesn't bother me?" No. He said he prayed to the Lord three times to take the thorn away from his side. I think, and most commentators believe, that he's referring to his objectors. People were constantly, and he says that in Philippians. Some people preach Christ out of envy, just to make it harder for him.

Why would you do that? But Paul says people were doing that. Other Christians, professing Christians, were simply preaching the gospel just to make it harder for him. Do you think that didn't bother him? He's human. You think he didn't agonize before that? And I think he agonized before the Lord.

Please take that away. I don't think he was talking about physical suffering. I don't think he was talking about being shipped there. I think he's talking about the people that he loved, that he was agonizing over. He says in Colossians 4, 3-4, praying at the same time for us as well, that God will open up for us the door for the word, so that we may speak from the mystery of Christ, for which I have been imprisoned, so that I may make it clear in the way I ought to speak.

The revelation is coming to him, and every pastor, every leader struggles with that. We know what the word of God says, but how do I make this clear? Paul, the revelation is coming through him. He says he's praying, "Make it clear so that I can do a good job presenting the truth." He's a man just like us.

Philippians 1-20, "According to my earnest expectation and hope that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness Christ, even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." Paul's sitting in prison, possibly about to die, get martyred, and he's asking.

Pain's coming. Struggle is coming. Pray for me. Possibly has fear, concern for the pain, the people he is going to leave behind, and the torture that he may experience to get him to deny Christ. Just like any other human being, he says, "Pray for me so that I don't fail this, whether by life or death." He was a man just like us.

Even Jesus, it was prophesied, prepared. He deliberately came to die for us, and yet the night before he went to the cross, he prayed to his Father, "Lord, is there any other way?" And he agonized in his prayer, in his humanity. This is beyond us. If we do not pray, and God does not supernaturally support us through your prayers, this is not something that man can do by being smart.

In fact, I would stay away from people who think they can do it, because the next step is disaster. God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. So when you see a proud man in the front, get in another line, because disaster's coming. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 3, 5 through 6, "Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant." Church is impossible.

I mean, think about how God put the church together. He didn't bring the smartest, right? Clearly, he didn't bring the smartest. You read the New Testament, right? They're not the smartest. In fact, Paul says, whenever they started getting proud and competing with each other in 1 Corinthians, he's like, "Did you forget how dumb you were?

Why are you trying to be so smart? Did you forget that God chose you because you were of no repute? Nobody knew who you were. In fact, God chose you because you were dumb. God chose you because you didn't have anything to offer." He said, "Why are you trying to up one on another?

I'm going to compete with righteousness, compete with knowledge." He said, "Humble yourself." He said, "The whole reason why the church is falling apart is because somehow you see yourself better than you really are. He chose you because you have nothing." If you look at the early church, he chose people who were going to get out of the way.

He deliberately chose people who were going to be humble. He even allowed them to fail. Whatever pride that they had, whatever pride that Peter had, he said, "Okay, they're all fair to you, but not me." He just lets him fail, miserably. In fact, he failed the most miserably than any other disciples because he had the greatest pride.

He was trying to show them this is impossible, and then the moment you think it's possible, that's when you are in the greatest danger. That's when you are the weakest. That's why Paul says, "When I am the weakest, he is the strongest." Look at this church, the church that we run.

You know why church is difficult? Because this room is filled with a bunch of weirdos. It's true, including myself. Some of you guys may be thinking, "Yeah, those people. I know some people." No, you. I'm talking about you. I'm talking about me. The reason why I say that is that no matter how socially well-adjusted you may be, you're weird to somebody.

You're weird. If you like Disneyland, you're weird. You are weird. I don't get it. So it doesn't matter how well-adjusted you are, you're weird to somebody. We come from all different backgrounds, different paradigms, and what we value, what is right and wrong. Outside of Christ, we all have different opinions.

Look at the way the pandemic is handled. Some of you are angry that we're not wearing masks. How dare you? And then some of you are like, "We're not communists." How dare you? And we're in the same room. We're serving the Lord together in the same room. We're all weird in some way.

I remember when we were doing the building, I realized how separate the world becomes easily. We have a tendency, starting from, I think in junior high school, there's still some diversity. You'll have friends all over the place, but as soon as you enter high school, people start to kind of make clicks.

So if you're athletes, you kind of hang out with the athletes. If you're trying to get into Stanford, you have your group of friends. There's a name for that. There's a group of people that go that direction. If you're good at tissue or if you're into rap music, whatever it is, you slowly start to go your direction.

And then by the time you get into college, you're completely segregated. Engineers are with engineers. And then if you are blue collar, you end up going to with blue collar people. And then when you graduate, you go to work, you don't even see other people. So if you're a blue collar worker, and that's it, those are the guys you relate to.

These are the guys, I hate these white collar guys. If you're an accountant, that's the world you're in. When we were building this building, I realized how difficult this job is to be a general contractor. Because you have the engineers and the contractors who are trying to come to an agreement.

And so what I noticed was the engineers are concerned about the integrity of the building. They don't care how it looks. Contractors are concerned about the functionality. So the engineer built it so that the door is a certain size because you need these beams and this in order to keep the building up.

But the contractors looked at the drawing and said, well, if you build it like that, it may be sturdy, but no one's going to go through this door. It's not useful. So what's the point of having a strong structure when you can't use it? And the engineers, what's the use of having a door people use when you're going to die?

There's a point that both of them have. So you have engineers and you have contractors who have their view and they have truth, and both of them have realities that you need to abide by. But when you try to bring these two people together, after experiencing this building and the other building, it's a wonder how they don't kill each other.

I mean, literally, I've seen fights break out in both this building and that building. I'm in the middle watching this and like, how do they ever come together? This is the reason why these guys just hang out with their friends and these guys hang out with their friends. We have engineers in this building, right, or sitting with contractors.

And the only time you will rub shoulders with them, because in any other context, you guys are like, oh, man, what are they doing? They're so disorganized. You know what I mean? All they care about is the functionality. And then you have some of you guys just live on spreadsheets.

Everything had to make sense. Tomorrow, 8 a.m., 8 15, 8 17. Every once in a while we take a trip and I ask some of our engineer types, like, hey, can you give me some suggestions on where to go? They give me 15 pages of their itinerary. Seriously, they wake up at 6, it's 6 o'clock, wash your face, 6 o'clock, 7, you know what I mean, get the pot, 6 15, do this.

And it's like, oh, my gosh, why would I even go on vacation? I'm tired looking at this. I didn't want to take a test. The church is filled with diverse people who have different perspective. And if they're not mature, they will not yield. My perspective is right. This building's going to fall if we don't do this.

My perspective is right. It's useless if we build it this way. And they're unwilling to give in. So so much of what we do in the church is managing different personalities so that we can come together and love Christ. But humanly speaking, you would never rub shoulders with a lot of people in the church.

Only reason why you're here is because we're attracted to Christ. So the moment that you lose that attraction to Christ, your personality is going to come out. Your selfishness is going to come out. It has to be done your way. And you think everybody is stupid because they don't do it your way.

Imagine managing that. I remember years ago I gave a sermon and I got two phone calls that week. One couple called me out. Obviously I can share this because they're not here. They called me out and they said it was urgent. So I came out 10 o'clock and they were lecturing me and saying, "Your sermons are too difficult.

So you need to give more illustrations because I want to invite my non-Christian friends and when they come, it goes over their head. So you need to change the way you preach." And I said, "Well, that's just the way I'm going to preach." Sorry you don't like it because it's your preference.

I'm not going to say you're wrong, but that's just the way I believe. That same week I got called out by another guy saying, "Your sermons are too shallow." I mean, the text that you exposed, there's so much going on here and you only touch this and you need to do this and you need to get deeper.

Remember, as I was talking to this individual, I was thinking, "I want to introduce you to that couple so that you can get into this room and see who wins. And then you come to an agreement where everybody's happy and then we'll have another conversation." You'd be surprised how often that happens.

Let me tell you another funny story. I have so many stories. I have to cut it off because we have communion today. Years ago, it was November and it was Pastor Appreciation Month and our church was a lot smaller at that time and so people had an idea, "Let's encourage our pastors." Some of you guys remember.

So without our knowledge, they started planning this thing and I just kind of hearing through the grapevine, "Something's going to happen on this particular," and they borrowed the space at Turtle Rock and they say, "Yeah, we're going to try to encourage our pastors." And then I started hearing, "There's trouble." I was like, "What's going on?" He's like, "Dude, it's a mess.

There's a group that wants to encourage you guys this way and then there's this group that wanted to encourage you this way and they couldn't agree." And then as the week's going by, it's like, "Oh, they're fighting. They are heated." Yeah, and then one group is thinking, "I never want to do anything with that group again.

Don't put me in that guy's small group." And so by the time we got to the encouragement and we're sitting there and they made this video and the whole time I was sitting there thinking like, "Oh my gosh, don't ever do this again. This is the most burdensome, discouraging pastor's appreciation day I've ever experienced in my life." They came out of that thinking like, "Oh, we want to appreciate it.

Thank you so much and I hate you." That happens at the church sadly more than you would think. It is humanly impossible to do what God calls us to do by our own strength. On top of that, our church is run by volunteers. This is not a corporation. They can say, "Oh, if you get an MBA and you organize this and do that and do that." Well, the difference between a corporation and this, in a corporation, if you do a bad job, you're fired.

And you just get the money and hire another guy. So we can make the quality go up and up and up, but the church, whether it's 30 or 3,000, the church is like a family. So even if that person may not be doing the best job, it's like raising kids.

Even though they may not be, we can hire somebody to do the best job, but we don't do it that way because we're trying to raise up people. And so the church with volunteers is not going to run as well as a corporation because they get paid and if they don't do, there's immediate consequence.

You get fired and somebody else who's skilled gets done. People may be grumbling and hate being there, but the company's making a lot of money. So as long as that's happening, then we're successful. But that's not how the church runs. Church is filled with people who may not be the best at what they're doing, but because they volunteered and we want to raise them up and make disciples and we allow them to function.

So when the church is run with volunteers, when they're not focused, they drop the ball. When they're busy, they drop the ball. When they're discouraged, they drop the ball. When they have relational problems, they drop the ball. When they're tired, they drop the ball. When you juggled well in your 20s, but you start dropping the ball in your 30s.

You did well when you're single and then all of a sudden you're dating, you drop the ball. You do well before you have kids and then you have children, then you drop the ball. You did well in your 30s, but then 40s come and you drop the ball. So a lot of the work is picking up the balls, right?

Because it's volunteers. And on top of that, it keeps changing on us, right? I've never passed in a church that's almost a thousand people. I've never done this before. When you ask us, "What's your vision for the next stage?" I have no idea. Because I've never done it before.

I've never passed a church this size before. If we stayed 30 and I did it for 30 years, you tell me I'll write a book on how to pass a church of 30 people. But it changes. Like, "Oh, certain things were doing fine when it was 200, but it doesn't work at 500.

And then 700, it was fine, but it doesn't work at a thousand. I don't know what it's going to be like when it gets beyond that." We're just kind of making do. On top of that, we don't get trained for any of this. We don't get trained for any of this.

Managing money? Oh, I don't know. We have to figure it out. Pastors go get trained how to interpret the Bible. So as long as I stay right here and I don't get off the pulpit, right? Because this is what the seminary prepared me to do, right? And even this gets difficult sometimes because I have to adjust to you, right?

But it keeps changing. Not only does it change because of the size, the culture keeps changing. What was acceptable 30 years ago is no longer acceptable today. What I could preach with confidence five years ago is no longer acceptable today. I remember in the earlier part of the church when the Seeker Friendly Movement was blowing up, you know, people were coming out because our church is struggling.

They said, "Peter, you should be so stubborn. You need to follow what they're doing, what they're doing. You should be more cutting edge and doing this and that." And it's already hard enough to kind of manage, but like I'm constantly, "You should do this. You should do that." It's like, "I'm not going to do that." He's so stubborn.

It's like, "I admit I'm stubborn, right? I am stubborn. I admit it. At least I admit it. You don't admit it." But I remember how discouraging that was because we're struggling as it is and it's like, "Oh, maybe it's because you're just being stubborn." But by that time I was already burned out and I'm not going to play games anymore.

I'd rather dig ditches. And I used to say that a lot. I'd rather dig ditches because at least at the end of the day you have a big hole and you did something. But to have a church and fill it with people and all of that, for what purpose?

To keep everybody who's nominal satisfied in the church so they can say, "Oh, this is a great church and places to raise children." But my conscience is not clear because the truth is not being told. We're not practicing what he told us to practice. Then at the end of the day, I committed to being fake.

So it's interesting because people would come and they would ask, "Does your church believe in predestination?" And I would say, "Yes." "I can never go to a church that practices or teaches that." And they would walk away. And then all of a sudden, the Young Resident Reform Movement come in and then people younger would come into the church and say, "Do you guys practice church discipline?" Younger people were asking me this and say, "Yeah, we try to." "Are you guys Calvinists?" It's like, "Yes." "Okay." And we'll call them your church.

That's interesting. Five years ago, no one would come because we believe in predestination and all of a sudden it became the "it" thing. And then as a result, the church started to grow. There was nothing that we changed. Right? So not only does the church change, the culture changes, and you're constantly changing.

You're not faithful all the time. You're not unfaithful all the time. Right? This is impossible by our own strength. The only way that the church can be the church is if God's doing something supernatural in us. If all we're doing is gathering people and sing some songs to encourage you, we don't need the Holy Spirit.

We don't need to be truthful. Right? Why disturb people? If I take certain things out and say it in a certain way where more people will come, yeah, on the surface we're successful. If we're 2,000, we're more successful. Where for 10,000, we're very successful. But so what? If it's fake.

If the truth is not being told. If people are not being shaken out of their comfort zone so that they can meet the true resurrected Christ, it's all for nothing. And this is not something that I can do because I'm bold. It's not something that the leaders can do because they're more disciplined or knowledgeable or more courageous.

It's supernatural. The only way that the church can be the church that he intended the church to be is if this is a gathering of regenerate people whose eyes have been opened to the gospel of Jesus Christ and despite our differences, despite our struggles, despite our temptations, despite our shortcomings, we become a community that worships God in spirit and in truth.

That's why we need to pray. We have to pray. We cannot build this church by our strength. So please pray for us. Pray for the leadership. Pray for times when we are discouraged. And I know this is not unique to us. I know there's times when you are discouraged and we pray for you.

And I know even now, we know many people in this room who are dealing with some heavy stuff in your life and we're praying for you. And I pray for our younger pastors, you know, discouragement comes and there's this always this constant gnawing at everything that they're doing and discouragement because there are people like everybody else.

They have young children at home they're struggling with trying to raise them. Pray for us so that we are not discouraged at our own sanctification. Lift us up for us because we are men. We live in a culture where everything that Christ teaches is going against the principles of this world.

So do it for a short period of time. Yes, but to do this year in and year out, we need your prayers. So I'm going to again, before we open up the communion table, right? And I'm going to read this really for myself, right? But I hope that as you remember this poem that I wrote, that these are the things that we struggle with that maybe it'll help you to pray for us more specifically.

I have come too far to retreat to remain in my defeat. I have no other paths to take for there are too many things at stake. My soul thirst to see the only King to finally know the joy and peace He'll bring. The light will fill the darkness everywhere.

Nothing that I know will compare. Though I've fallen more than I can remember, my thoughts go back to that night in December when my soul was snatched from the fire and the only King filled all my desires. Not by works, but by grace I will meet. I've come too far to retreat.