Like many others, I grew up in a Christian household, went to every Sunday service, and was spoon-fed who God is. And during my childhood, I never questioned it. I was actually baptized twice in my life prior, once when I was four and my second time at 12. Although my childhood church had genuine intentions in asking me if I wanted to get baptized, I agreed mostly because it was routine once you reach middle school to do so.

I said I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, but I didn't understand the gravity of it, and there was no indication of true belief in my life. This continued up to my junior year of high school when my parents decided to leave the church we were at and start a church plant.

This was the first time I started seeing the church in a different light because other brothers and sisters started spreading rumors about my family, and I felt so confused and angry. I realized I started holding grudges against them, and I thought it would be better for me to leave.

I began looking for other churches, but realized I only really went to church for friends, so I decided that I would find one when I got to college. When God sovereignly brought me to UCI, I started the search again, but without knowing what I was exactly looking for. In my freshman year, I thought if I chose to go to church on my own, then I must be a Christian because it was the first time I was going without parental pressure.

I found Berean during the first week of school, joined a fellowship in small group, but started living a double life whenever I went back to the dorms. I wanted that worldly college experience with my non-believing roommates, and I didn't feel like I fit in a church. Instead of realizing it was about my own heart, I church hopped for two years hoping to find a community to fit in.

It wasn't until the summer before my junior year that I read the gospel according to Jesus with a friend. Through the Holy Spirit working through her and a lot of hard-hitting questions, this thought came to mind. I can't say that I love the Lord and believe in him without it feeling like a lie.

That summer, I prayed desperately every night for the Lord to take away the things I was holding onto in this world, whether it be school, family, or my health, if it causes me to truly know who he is. By God's grace, I was led back to Berean where I was able to get plugged in and join a small group again.

However, during this whole time, I was still questioning if I was saved. Even in my prayers, I was struggling with humbling myself and understanding what it meant to trust in him. Fast forward to the beginning of the pandemic, I started feeling like my life was falling apart. There were rumors of the rest of the school year going online.

I was dealing with some health issues, as were my grandparents. I also failed a class that meant I likely would have to take another year or even change my major. Amidst all this happening, I was stressfully praying and the Lord reminded me about what I had lifted up to him the summer before.

He was answering that prayer and showing me that all situations he allows in my life are for my good. It was at this point I came to the word and I read through Psalm 65, 4. How blessed is the one whom you choose and bring near to you to dwell on your courts.

We will be satisfied with the goodness of your house, your holy temple. That night on March 7th, 2020, when I read this verse, I felt this heaviness come upon me and I remember being like, wow, God chose me to bring near to him. I was jumping around in my living room with the realization that I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior and was saved.

Although at the moment all I felt was pure joy, after coming to salvation, it was then that I began to better understand my true nature as a sinner before a holy God. Both when looking back at his grace, through these experiences and in my daily life, it reminds me of how undeserving I am of anything he has given me, but most importantly, how undeserving I am of Christ's death and resurrection.

For someone that has taken advantage of his love and rejected him so many times, I am in awe of his mercy and the true joy I have found in him. God has used that time since then to test my faith and show me a lot of the sins in my heart as well.

And one of them was my fear of man, especially in the fear of getting baptized and therefore my inability to participate in communion. I was rebuked that delayed obedience is still disobedience. There are still so many lessons that I feel like God is teaching me in this weird period post-grad, but I'm continually reminded how I can't do anything without depending on him.

Thank you. >> If you understand what he wants, the water is in the United Tribes of Bethlehem, but when you come out, it's in the United Tribes of Bethlehem.