Hi everyone, I'm Calista and I'm a fourth year at UCI. This is my testimony. I was born into a Christian household and grew up in the church. I gained a lot of biblical knowledge but was never truly convicted of my sins. I started college believing that I was saved and decided that I would check out brewing with my roommate.

However, when I came to my very first brewing service, I felt ashamed and guilty after the sermon because I knew deep down that I was sinning just as the message had described. But rather than turning to repentance from these convictions, the pridefulness of my own heart led me to distance myself from the church in order to escape from having to humble myself in admitting that I was a sinner.

My first two years of college were lived in fear of man rather than God as I chose to base my worth on how people viewed me. As a result, I did not pursue knowing the Lord and lived a life solely trying to fulfill my own desires. During my sophomore year, I ended up falling into depression.

I was constantly wondering why I didn't have a purpose in life and struggled to understand why my existence even mattered. Because I found my worth in my friendships, I was let down time and time again. Ironically enough, it was during this time period where I continued to tell my non-believing friends that I was a Christian.

Despite living in complete disobedience to God, I was still selfish in my own thoughts by demanding God to show his love to me through my circumstances. I questioned why God would allow me to suffer so much if he truly cared about me. At the end of my sophomore year, it took not just one but two near-death experiences for me to finally realize how far I had fallen from the God that I so claimed to have a personal relationship with.

By his grace, the many years of struggling and these sobering experiences caused me to finally humble myself and admit that I was not truly saved. I came back to Bruin with a strong desire to know more about God and to have a genuine relationship with him. I understood that reconciliation with God was not going to be through my own works, but that it would ultimately be through Christ's sacrifice that I would be able to be saved.

Just as Ephesians 2.8 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not of yourselves. It is the gift of God, not a result of works so that no one may boast." I understood that I was a sinner but made righteous through his sacrifice and faith in Christ alone.

This led me to complete dependence on him in knowing that he is truly the only one that can save me from my sins. When COVID hit and I had to move home for quarantine, God used the time of physical separation from the church body to grow me in my faith.

I am thankful because God used that time to convict me of my sins and bring me to repentance. I now understand the weight of my sins and how much I am in need of Christ as my savior. I am eternally grateful for his mercy and grace that he would send his own son, Jesus Christ, to die for me and I surrender my life to follow him.

I desire to live out Galatians 2.20 which says, "I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me." Thank you.