back to indexCollege Dating Seminar Session 1
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You are here for a dating seminar for college. 00:00:11.000 |
I wonder if this was a different seminar, would you guys all be here? 00:00:17.480 |
But with that said, we're not here, I have to say this in the front. 00:00:36.600 |
So you cannot accuse me of having said that anymore. 00:00:41.400 |
I know I meet up with some of you guys, you guys leave, and I will say I'm not saying 00:00:46.440 |
And then you'll leave and you'll say, he told me not to date. 00:00:51.800 |
All we're going to give you is, even a lot of the things that we're talking about, it's 00:00:58.840 |
We're going to try to help you to understand, first of all, the heart intention and motivation 00:01:05.960 |
behind dating and how to guard yourself against that. 00:01:09.600 |
And then secondly, biblical parameters or biblical bumpers that will help. 00:01:17.900 |
So these aren't things that you're going to write down and say, this is what I have to 00:01:22.600 |
These are things that are going to help you, form you, shape the way you view dating and 00:01:29.160 |
I understand we come from different backgrounds, we come from different cultures and things 00:01:33.360 |
And so these are going to be as much as possible, just these guidelines. 00:01:40.680 |
So can you guys please not leave and say weird things that I said, I said stuff I did not 00:01:50.680 |
This is the reason why I will never say don't date unless it's like obvious you should not 00:01:57.160 |
And so we're going to be trying to tackle some of the scriptural understanding and backing 00:02:03.080 |
And before we start here, what we're going to be doing in introduction is this thing 00:02:09.920 |
So you're going to need your phones for this. 00:02:12.680 |
If everyone could pull out your phones and open up your browser. 00:02:18.400 |
And if you don't have a browser, you could text this. 00:02:23.280 |
So if you guys look up there, that's the website you go into, pollev.com/nathanielpoi562. 00:02:35.660 |
And then make sure you go in as a guest, anonymous or something. 00:02:40.320 |
If there's no choice in that, then it's going to be automatically anonymous. 00:03:00.560 |
This is just a test thing, making sure this works. 00:04:27.820 |
You know how like if it's 4%, you know that it can't be like 20 people, that kind of thing. 00:04:33.820 |
Let me go into it and see if there's anything I can fix here. 00:04:44.820 |
This has received the maximum number of responses allowed. 00:05:05.820 |
Oh, maybe I have to like upgrade or something like that. 00:05:08.820 |
We'll take the sample size of whoever is there. 00:05:10.820 |
So who, who, who's the one that dated four people? 00:05:12.820 |
You probably dated five plus and you were just shy. 00:05:17.820 |
How many of you feel like you're ready to date today? 00:05:36.820 |
It refreshes every time you go to a new question? 00:05:40.820 |
So, if I go back one and go back into this one, will it still full? 00:05:54.820 |
When you think of dating, what is the first word that comes to your mind? 00:06:53.820 |
But when Valentine's Day rolls around, how do you feel? 00:07:16.820 |
That was either one of Jeremy's small group boys or. 00:07:36.820 |
Oh, this is why we got to edit the video, guys. 00:07:46.820 |
Hey, by the way, this seminar, I am not pointing anyone out. 00:07:50.820 |
And I am not pointing, you know, don't think I'm talking about you. 00:07:53.820 |
Even if like it fits, it feels like you fit into a category of what I'm talking about. 00:07:58.820 |
I'm talking about my personal general experience overseeing things. 00:08:02.820 |
And so if you are dating, you should not be ashamed. 00:08:05.820 |
Your face should not be going down all the time. 00:08:07.820 |
So I wanted to call them out and be like, here they are. 00:08:15.820 |
So Josh Chu wasn't at this one, but he was also there. 00:08:25.820 |
I wasn't able to get the girls because I don't meet with the girls. 00:08:27.820 |
But these are the ones we should be praying for and thinking about. 00:08:33.820 |
You know, as I took this picture, I was like, man, these kinds of pictures are interesting. 00:08:37.820 |
Because one day you come back to it and you're just like, ooh, which one of them actually married? 00:08:48.820 |
I'm trying to get it all out of the way here. 00:08:50.820 |
So are any dating couples sitting next to each other right now? 00:09:05.820 |
I don't want you guys to feel like all squirmy the whole time. 00:09:07.820 |
That's why I'm trying to just put it out up front. 00:09:14.820 |
This is going to be just material and stuff to take home. 00:09:22.820 |
So I know many of you put it away, but I guess I had one more. 00:09:25.820 |
This is a word cloud, so just a one-word response. 00:10:48.820 |
So we're going to be going into our worksheet now. 00:10:57.820 |
And the first thing we're going to go into are some of the lies that the world tells. 00:11:02.820 |
I use this example because that -- what do you call that? 00:11:11.820 |
But, you know, if you really think about this scene -- have you guys seen Aladdin before? 00:11:15.820 |
Do you guys know what scene I'm talking about here? 00:11:20.820 |
Like this random dude comes on a magic carpet to your bedroom window and says, "Do you trust me?" 00:11:43.820 |
And so the reason why I put this up is because many times the world tells us lies and yet in the middle of this we are unsure of how to take this. 00:11:58.820 |
First, dating is about loving romantic feelings. 00:12:03.820 |
Dating is about loving and romantic feelings. 00:12:11.820 |
When you watch romantic comedies, K-dramas, that's what you want dating for, right? 00:12:20.820 |
Because you finish watching some, you know, sappy romantic -- like rom-com and you shut it off and you feel like lonely. 00:12:31.820 |
I told you guys a story about how I felt so lonely after watching My Sassy Girl. 00:12:41.820 |
I want someone that I can have that kind of relationship with. 00:12:45.820 |
That kind of butterfly feelings, that kind of falling in love, that kind of story and narrative. 00:12:52.820 |
And many times it's also about just finding the one. 00:12:57.820 |
And it's drilled into us that we're supposed to find the person we need to marry. 00:13:03.820 |
Now here, here's what I'm trying to say about these lies. 00:13:14.820 |
And so even though you know it, you do not actually feel that. 00:13:17.820 |
You do not believe it with all of your heart. 00:13:24.820 |
Research shows that young people are searching for a soulmate, the one person who can perfectly meet all their needs." 00:13:32.820 |
It's loving and serving and committing to someone unconditionally. 00:13:35.820 |
And yet, we are constantly barraged by this understanding of someone that's going to complete me, and that's not what it's for. 00:13:47.820 |
It's a transaction, a relationship where both sides give 50/50. 00:13:55.820 |
And it's going to be a mutually beneficial relationship. 00:13:58.820 |
We don't have to be lonely on Valentine's Day and all those kinds of things, right? 00:14:05.820 |
Another way to think about it is I will give love and I will receive love in return. 00:14:14.820 |
Third, dating relationships are about personal entertainment. 00:14:25.820 |
I said, "Hey, why did you start dating that girl?" 00:14:27.820 |
She straight up told me I was bored, so I asked her out. 00:14:34.820 |
Again, you don't think that like--you don't believe that this is what dating is about, 00:14:38.820 |
but how many times have you felt like, "Man, the excitement of it, that's what drives it." 00:14:43.820 |
Fourth, dating relationships are about experimentation. 00:14:49.820 |
I've heard a lot of parents give this kind of advice. 00:14:53.820 |
And I'm not saying go to your parents and like, you know, point a finger in their face, 00:14:57.820 |
but if dating is about experimenting, about what I like, 00:15:02.820 |
what kind of person that I would fit with one day, this is different. 00:15:07.820 |
That's a byproduct of what dating might do, but that is not the reason why you date. 00:15:13.820 |
If you flip that around, then that becomes an ends to your--the means to your end, right? 00:15:19.820 |
Like you want to date people not for any kind of actual committed thing. 00:15:22.820 |
Like maybe if it goes down that line, but you're actually using that person 00:15:26.820 |
in order to see selfishly what you will be compatible with, what you will like, 00:15:36.820 |
Dating is about fulfilling an unmet need, and I think this is probably the biggest one. 00:15:47.820 |
It's about squelching and quenching and extinguishing loneliness. 00:15:54.820 |
Because the romanticized Disney type of relationships that we've come to know and see 00:16:01.820 |
has developed in us this thing of an unmet need. 00:16:10.820 |
You know, that desires in them of themselves are not wrong. 00:16:39.820 |
I'll let you guys go into that one yourselves. 00:16:42.820 |
The idea of like--later on in James, we're going to see that James actually says in chapter 4, 00:16:47.820 |
"You sin, you do these things because you desire and you do not have." 00:16:53.820 |
It becomes an idol of the heart, and because you don't have it, you begin to sin. 00:17:01.820 |
So desire, it could be a good thing, but when it turns into idolatry, 00:17:04.820 |
that's when it becomes not just sinful, but damning on an individual. 00:17:09.820 |
We can be very, very superficial about it and just kind of flippantly talk about it as, 00:17:16.820 |
But if we don't understand that that actually nails our Jesus to the cross, 00:17:20.820 |
that that is actually something that warrants death, we're not going to take it seriously. 00:17:26.820 |
We think it's just a, you know, it's just, "I'll grow up one day," or, you know, 00:17:31.820 |
"It's just a little obsession," or, you know, something like that. 00:17:35.820 |
If we think about it in that manner, we don't see how dangerous this can actually be. 00:17:43.820 |
A guy named Marshall Siegel, he says, "Many of us date because we're trying to fill those needs in love. 00:17:49.820 |
If you asked us, we might say we're pursuing marriage, 00:17:52.820 |
but a lot of us aren't even close to marriage in age, finances, maturity, education, stage of life. 00:17:58.820 |
We're really in pursuit of the happiness, belonging, significance we think we'll find in romance." 00:18:04.820 |
We've got to be honest with ourselves, right? 00:18:07.820 |
We have to really look at this and see, "Hey, what am I truly actually in pursuit of?" 00:18:13.820 |
And it could be totally like marriage, but marriage can be like 20 things down the list in reality, 00:18:19.820 |
according to how you function and think and feel. 00:18:23.820 |
But maybe the thing that floats to the top and is preeminent in your mind 00:18:28.820 |
is that, "I want to be happy. I want to feel like I'm loved. 00:18:32.820 |
I want to feel like someone wants me. I want to feel like I'm going to have someone in the future. 00:18:37.820 |
I want to feel not so insecure in my singleness." 00:18:41.820 |
A guy named--two guys, Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon, 00:18:50.820 |
they say, "The temptations for many of us is far subtler than explicit sin. 00:18:55.820 |
We let our vision of dating and relationships be informed by man's world rather than God's word. 00:19:00.820 |
This is significant because our vision of dating creates our expectations for dating. 00:19:04.820 |
If our expectations are informed by a world that is in rebellion against God, 00:19:07.820 |
then our relationships will be stained with upside-down values that prioritize short-term, 00:19:12.820 |
second-rate things that will leave us bitter, disappointed, and impossible to please." 00:19:17.820 |
We're talking about these lies that are created and set up in our hearts. 00:19:21.820 |
If we allow those lies to linger and we don't combat it with the truth of what we know, 00:19:31.820 |
the fact that as Christians we have said that we have forsaken the world and now we pursue him, 00:19:39.820 |
Like when Jesus says, "In heaven there will no longer be any marriage." 00:19:44.820 |
And here in this world we start thinking about it, 00:19:46.820 |
and we see that it's going to start to shape even now, even if you're not dating. 00:19:53.820 |
The relationships that we create, the ways that we start thinking about dating, 00:19:58.820 |
so that when we get into it, it becomes unhealthy. 00:20:03.820 |
You get two immature people who are trying to date and trying to honor God honestly, 00:20:10.820 |
and with all of these fake expectations and bad communication that's set up, 00:20:15.820 |
and everything is crisscrossed and miswired like this between two people 00:20:23.820 |
They aren't informed by how we're called to be. 00:20:34.820 |
So in your mind, do you agree or disagree with these lies, and why? 00:20:40.820 |
If you're looking at these lies, just the five lies that I put up here, 00:20:43.820 |
you're looking at it and you go, "Yeah, that's true. That's a lie. 00:20:53.820 |
But in your heart, do you feel the sway that these lies are actual realities in your heart? 00:21:02.820 |
Someone can come to you and maybe ask you advice about dating, 00:21:08.820 |
But I'm here to tell you that maybe many times, 00:21:11.820 |
because you haven't actually experienced it in your heart, 00:21:17.820 |
because this is how we do it here at Berean, or this is how it ought to be done. 00:21:21.820 |
Without fully understanding the weight of breaking down lies in your heart 00:21:25.820 |
and replacing it with the truth of God's Word. 00:21:29.820 |
And so someone comes up to you and says, "I'm thinking about dating." 00:21:39.820 |
So a freshman comes up to you, they go, "Dating, no!" 00:21:48.820 |
You can start to hope, but it's still a nope. 00:21:50.820 |
You hope and hope and hope all year long that you can date. 00:21:57.820 |
You just keep saying, "Hope, hope, hope, hope." 00:22:00.820 |
And then third year comes around, and it's scope. 00:22:03.820 |
You can start looking, observing, thinking, contemplating, and praying. 00:22:09.820 |
And then fourth year comes along, and then what? 00:22:14.820 |
Before I--wherever I go, wherever my future is, 00:22:21.820 |
If you marry people in college or afterwards, it's so hard. 00:22:24.820 |
And we hear all these different things, right? 00:22:28.820 |
And so what happens is we get armed by, like, Christian culture, 00:22:31.820 |
and we go and we say, "This is how it ought to be." 00:22:42.820 |
and you think, "This is how it needs to be done." 00:22:44.820 |
And so you are not actually honoring God if you're holding to it. 00:23:03.820 |
Everyone did what was right in his own eyes." 00:23:05.820 |
And this is what we don't want here in our college ministry. 00:23:08.820 |
We don't want everyone just doing what's right in their own eyes 00:23:12.820 |
because you also don't want people coming in and saying, 00:23:14.820 |
"Oh, it feels like there's some kind of dating culture here, 00:23:29.820 |
In Judges, everyone did what was right in his own eyes. 00:23:31.820 |
Sometimes people look at this verse and think that it was all just outrightly evil things, 00:23:34.820 |
but many of the people could have been actually trying to worship and honor God 00:23:39.820 |
and then doing it in a way that was wrong and sinful. 00:23:45.820 |
And we see many examples of that in Scripture. 00:23:48.820 |
Actually, Jesus saved the worst of the woes for the Pharisees, 00:23:55.820 |
And so everyone doing what was right in his own eyes 00:23:58.820 |
is when you take your eyes off of God's truth and God's reality 00:24:05.820 |
and then you start to just do whatever it is that you want to do. 00:24:08.820 |
And so we've got to be very careful about how we think about dating, 00:24:12.820 |
because out of our heart, it says in Proverbs 4:23, 00:24:15.820 |
"Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the spring of life." 00:24:37.820 |
"Whether then you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 00:24:41.820 |
There's so much context behind this, but that word is great. 00:24:44.820 |
Whatever you do, do all, all to the glory of God. 00:24:52.820 |
And so that is why dating is about God's glory. 00:25:02.820 |
Have you ever thought about whether or not you're actually going to date one day 00:25:13.820 |
We all feel like we should be able to get that, get marriage. 00:25:17.820 |
But I want to ask you guys a question and kind of poke at it a little bit. 00:25:20.820 |
Why do you believe that you deserve a marriage 00:25:24.820 |
or deserve to date someone or deserve anything at all for that matter? 00:25:32.820 |
The reason why we think that way is because we're the main character in our own stories, right? 00:25:43.820 |
like how we would watch a romantic comedy in a movie, 00:25:50.820 |
and then there's these six other guys who are going after her, 00:25:52.820 |
but at the end of the movie, that guy is the one that gets the girl, 00:25:58.820 |
and you're like, "Wow, this is what it's going to be." 00:26:00.820 |
And how we view movies like that is we view them like, "That's me right there," 00:26:04.820 |
not realizing that maybe you're the other six. 00:26:09.820 |
And so the reason why we do that is because we've been conditioned and wired 00:26:16.820 |
And so like you read stories about like this one guy who went to campus with a gun, 00:26:23.820 |
but he went to campus with a gun and they caught him before, thank God, 00:26:26.820 |
and he said like, "I was going to shoot people because none of the girls would date me." 00:26:36.820 |
And I know actual shootings have happened because of that. 00:26:41.820 |
Because we're main characters in our own narrative, 00:26:46.820 |
Every part of Scripture, when we're reading it, 00:26:48.820 |
many times we're thinking, "How does this apply to me?" 00:26:56.820 |
that it's showing that this is all about God's kingdom and God's story 00:27:04.820 |
And we think about dating and we think like, "Where's mine? 00:27:11.820 |
We think about these things because we are so self-centered. 00:27:16.820 |
Whether then you eat or drink or whatever you do, 00:27:32.820 |
He used to say, you know, like he would turn to the guys and he'd say, 00:27:41.820 |
"You guys are dogs. You don't deserve girls. You're dogs." 00:27:45.820 |
And then the girls would be all laughing and stuff. 00:27:47.820 |
And then he'd turn to the girls and he would say to the girls, 00:27:50.820 |
"Girls, I don't know why you guys are laughing. 00:27:59.820 |
And we think about it like that because there's a reality of the fact 00:28:04.820 |
that we actually don't deserve any good thing. 00:28:07.820 |
We've been ransomed by God and we were bought with a price. 00:28:11.820 |
And then what we see in Scripture is the incredible blessings 00:28:23.820 |
In comparison to dating one day, it just becomes like a squashed, 00:28:26.820 |
flat pancake thing, you know, compared to like Eiffel Tower or whatever. 00:28:47.820 |
But that starts to infiltrate into even how we view people. 00:28:49.820 |
Like you'd like to date someone that's pretty or handsome or cute, 00:28:54.820 |
good personality, you know, all that kind of stuff. 00:28:58.820 |
But it's important to remember that we don't deserve any of that. 00:29:14.820 |
And if dating is about God and if dating is about His glory, 00:29:17.820 |
then in dating we must learn to submit to God. 00:29:26.820 |
And no part of dating should be robbing God of His glory. 00:29:36.820 |
And so we display to the world in this as we date 00:29:40.820 |
or before we date in our singleness that He is our ultimate joy 00:29:54.820 |
Dating is an active and intentional move towards God's divine covenant of marriage. 00:30:07.820 |
but everything I'll be talking about here comes out of Genesis chapters 1 through 3 00:30:11.820 |
when God creates man, He creates woman, He creates the world, 00:30:15.820 |
and then He kind of places them there and He shows some things about them. 00:30:21.820 |
I wanted to spend a lot more time here, but we can't. 00:30:24.820 |
So I'm just going to give you guys the principles. 00:30:26.820 |
Marriage is created by God, that God made marriage. 00:30:30.820 |
And so if God made it, then it should be done by how He made it. 00:30:35.820 |
Like if you're playing a board game, then you play by the rules of the board game. 00:30:40.820 |
You don't--like someone comes and you don't like the way it's being played, 00:30:43.820 |
and so you can't in the middle of it just change the rules on it. 00:30:52.820 |
He actually says like, you know, He created male, He created female. 00:30:56.820 |
He says He created them, He created them in the image of God. 00:31:03.820 |
And it models the Trinitarian relationship because He says, 00:31:11.820 |
And you're looking at that, it's like, "Whoa, who's God talking to? 00:31:14.820 |
No, He's talking to the Trinitarian relationship in that passage. 00:31:17.820 |
And He's saying, "We're going to make it like that." 00:31:19.820 |
That means marriage actually becomes as close a relationship as, like, 00:31:28.820 |
And when we say God is one, it's showing that the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and the Father, 00:31:36.820 |
So marriage, that's why divorce is such an atrocious thing. 00:31:42.820 |
There's divorce, I know, in many of your families. 00:31:44.820 |
And we're not judging things, but God does hate divorce. 00:31:54.820 |
See, like I wanted to, like, go into a lot of this stuff, but we can't. 00:31:57.820 |
But in Ephesians 5, verse 22 through 33, it gives the roles of man and woman. 00:32:03.820 |
Just to give one quick example of why it's easy to see that God made men and women differently, 00:32:08.820 |
you could just do it by sight, but then--and you can tell also, like, in the middle of the night, 00:32:12.820 |
for example, right, like, if you're married, and you're sleeping in bed, 00:32:20.820 |
and in the middle of the night, like, something crashes downstairs. 00:32:25.820 |
What you would expect from a husband and a wife who just, like, startle awake 00:32:28.820 |
is you don't expect the husband to, like, jab the wife in the ribs and say, 00:32:34.820 |
Any person would look at that and be like, "There's something wrong with that picture." 00:32:38.820 |
Every person would be like, "Dude, that guy should get up and go downstairs." 00:32:44.820 |
There's something ingrained inside of all of us that understands that there is differences. 00:32:51.820 |
When we had Addie the first time, like, you know, it was fascinating. 00:32:59.820 |
Like, I was a youth pastor for a long time, right, so these youth kids are coming in, 00:33:03.820 |
and then they're like saying, "Can we hold the baby?" 00:33:05.820 |
And if it's a high school boy, I go, "Nope, you may not hold my baby." 00:33:09.820 |
If it's a high school girl, I go, like, "All right, all right, be careful." 00:33:13.820 |
Why? Because actually this is proven. This is statistics. 00:33:18.820 |
I don't know the statistics. I just made this up. 00:33:23.820 |
That just--girls are more careful. I've seen it. 00:33:28.820 |
I did give Addie to one of our students once, and then, like, as I was giving the baby to the student, 00:33:34.820 |
he was like--Addie's head was, like, just dangling like this. 00:33:37.820 |
He was like, "What do I do?" You know, like, "Hold the head." 00:33:41.820 |
And it's just kind of like that. There are differences. 00:33:44.820 |
And in marriage, we see this. Marriage is created by God. 00:33:55.820 |
When God sees Adam alone, he says, "This is not good for him to be alone." 00:34:03.820 |
And he is not looking at the man and saying, like, "I have done an incomplete job," 00:34:06.820 |
but he is saying, like, in those words, like, "I have yet to be complete," you know, 00:34:11.820 |
that there is still work to be done here, and that is to create a spouse. 00:34:17.820 |
And thirdly, marriage is a fusion. Marriage is a fusion. 00:34:22.820 |
In 1 Corinthians 7, verse 4, it says, "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. 00:34:27.820 |
And likewise, also, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." 00:34:36.820 |
And we're going to get to why I'm talking about defining marriage. 00:34:39.820 |
Because if dating is to head towards this, we have to remember a couple of things. 00:34:43.820 |
First is that dating is not this. Dating is not marriage. 00:34:53.820 |
Marriage was a shadow to point to Christ and the church. 00:35:01.820 |
In dating, there's an extreme temptation to mimic what marriage is, but dating is not marriage. 00:35:08.820 |
They're trying to head towards something, and this is the very reason why dating is so hard, 00:35:13.820 |
because it's trying to mimic what it's supposed to be, but it's not that. 00:35:19.820 |
That's why, like, by taking care as to how to date is important. 00:35:29.820 |
Like, in the Bible, you look at it, you see relationships, brothers and sisters, right? 00:35:33.820 |
Like, in the church, you're going to see brothers, sisters, that kind of thing, 00:35:43.820 |
It's a culturally made thing that is for most of history, it wasn't around, but it's okay to do. 00:35:49.820 |
But then if we start making it into something it ought not to be, if we start to pervert what dating is, 00:35:54.820 |
which happens in a lot of dating relationships, 00:35:56.820 |
if you start to take ownership of a person that does not belong to you, then the danger arises. 00:36:14.820 |
Some of you guys are more--usually, like, I can pick out a couple people falling asleep, 00:36:19.820 |
but I only see, like, one or two people today. 00:36:37.820 |
So think of how you're using your time now, like today, tomorrow, next week. 00:36:43.820 |
Are you maximizing your life for God's kingdom? 00:36:52.820 |
If you look at yourself, is it just you going to classes and studying for classes, 00:36:58.820 |
and then whenever you have some free time, you're, like, kind of spending it however you want to spend it? 00:37:02.820 |
Or is the whole of your life about living for God's kingdom? 00:37:07.820 |
Because that is how life ought to be for every Christian regardless of stage in life. 00:37:18.820 |
If you look at yourself and you're just watching TV and shows all the time, 00:37:22.820 |
and you're spending all your time kind of, you know, watching movies and playing video games, 00:37:26.820 |
and you're spending all this time, like, any free time that you have on yourself, 00:37:31.820 |
do you think that you're going to do well in a dating relationship? 00:37:37.820 |
If you're idolizing your own time and your own pleasures now, 00:37:40.820 |
how do you think you will view the dating relationship? 00:37:48.820 |
We're just, like, squeezing out, like, extracting out everything I can for what I need. 00:37:53.820 |
And actually, even when you think, like, "Oh, but I gave so much. 00:37:56.820 |
I'm giving of my time and I'm thinking of them." 00:37:58.820 |
Actually, many times you're thinking of yourself because you're trying to, by doing that, get something in return. 00:38:04.820 |
And you know that that's the case because when you don't get that thing in return, then you react. 00:38:12.820 |
But if we understand what Christian love is, that is to love those who would persecute us. 00:38:20.820 |
That is to love those who will have nothing to do with you. 00:38:24.820 |
Romans 5, "But God demonstrates his love for us in that while we're still sinners, Christ died for us." 00:38:28.820 |
That's how he demonstrated his love towards sinners. 00:38:33.820 |
You see, like, how our worldview can really start to twist in this. 00:38:43.820 |
Okay, in 1 Corinthians 7, we'll just look at a few verses here. 00:38:47.820 |
In verse 7, it says, "Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am." 00:38:53.820 |
They're like, "Paul, no, Mary, it may never be." 00:38:55.820 |
"However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, another in that." 00:38:59.820 |
It says in verse 28, "But if you marry, you have not sinned." 00:39:04.820 |
"And if a virgin marries, she has not sinned." 00:39:07.820 |
Don't get too caught up in that virgin talk there. 00:39:09.820 |
"Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you." 00:39:15.820 |
He's saying that in marriage, there's going to be some kind of trouble, okay? 00:39:19.820 |
And then he says in verse 32 to 34, "But I want you to be free from concern." 00:39:25.820 |
"One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord." 00:39:29.820 |
"But one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife." 00:39:36.820 |
"The woman who is unmarried and the virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit." 00:39:41.820 |
"But one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband." 00:39:48.820 |
This is what I'm saying when we're talking about fairly consider the value of singleness. 00:39:54.820 |
Right now, you can be unconcerned with having this relationship. 00:39:59.820 |
And I would say, like in dating, this is a big thing, right? 00:40:02.820 |
You constantly have to like in your free time think of the other person. 00:40:07.820 |
Or maybe you want that other person to think of you more in their life. 00:40:11.820 |
You know, I've had people come up to me and say like, "Man, they're meeting up with all these people, but they never meet up with me." 00:40:17.820 |
I'm like, "Oh yeah, that's unfortunate, but you know, you guys might have to work on that a little, but that's not a bad thing he's doing. 00:40:30.820 |
Again, I am not talking about any one person, so please do not think I'm doing that, okay? 00:40:43.820 |
This isn't a waiting time in life until like a placeholder until you finally get to your destination. 00:40:54.820 |
Whether you die or whether you don't get married. 00:41:03.820 |
And that actually takes us into our, oh, you complete me. 00:41:07.820 |
This is too old for you guys, but do you guys know this phrase from the movie, the Tom Cruise line, "You complete me?" 00:41:15.820 |
This is a lie straight from the pit of hell, right? 00:41:30.820 |
As you are, you need to start living for God's kingdom. 00:41:33.820 |
And so again, bringing us into our second part, spend your single year as well. 00:41:38.820 |
In Ephesians chapter 5, verse 15 through 17, it says, "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time because the days are evil. 00:41:46.820 |
So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." 00:41:50.820 |
That means when you look at your life now, before you even think about dating, you ought to be thinking about yourself. 00:41:59.820 |
As you prepare for dating, if you really want to prepare yourself to be someone who can date someone, if you were to come up to me and say, "Am I ready to date Pastor Nathan?" 00:42:06.820 |
I'm going to say, "Are you using your time well?" 00:42:08.820 |
I'll say, "Hey, let's open it up. How have you been using your time?" 00:42:13.820 |
"Oh, great. That was an hour. Okay. How have you been using these six hours?" 00:42:19.820 |
I'm not trying to be legalistic and saying, "Don't play video games. Don't watch movies." 00:42:25.820 |
I'm not saying that, but are you using your time well? 00:42:31.820 |
You need to learn what this means to expand and fill the capacity that God has given to you. 00:42:39.820 |
So what I mean by that is this, max out every stage in life. 00:42:43.820 |
In Matthew 25, verses 14 through 30, that's a story of the talents, right? 00:42:48.820 |
Where the master is going away and he gives ten and five and one to these servants. 00:42:56.820 |
And then these servants go and whatever resource that they had been given, they go and they work and they double it. 00:43:01.820 |
And when the master comes back, the guy with ten says, "Look, I made ten more." 00:43:04.820 |
And the guy with five says, "Look, I made five more." 00:43:06.820 |
And the guy with one says, "I buried it. I was afraid." 00:43:11.820 |
The purpose of that is not to say the ten guy is the best and the five guy is like subpar. 00:43:16.820 |
And then the, "I don't want to be like the last guy." 00:43:19.820 |
Actually, the ten and the five are the same person. 00:43:23.820 |
The idea of it is to say, "Whatever God has given you in life, be faithful unto that." 00:43:29.820 |
So right now as a single person with all the time that you have, you ought to be faithful to the Lord. 00:43:36.820 |
You need to use your time well. You need to max out and fill to capacity. 00:43:41.820 |
Right now, like whatever you have as a resource, you need to learn to stretch it and say, "I have done all that I can and then some." 00:43:51.820 |
And then God will bless you with more responsibility. 00:43:54.820 |
That is in personal growth. That is in service to the church. 00:43:58.820 |
That is in evangelizing to your non-believing friends. 00:44:01.820 |
That is in going out and serving in the homeless community. I know some of you guys are doing that. 00:44:06.820 |
All of that, you're maxing out these stages in life. 00:44:11.820 |
Right now, you are without distraction if you're not dating. 00:44:15.820 |
When you're in a relationship, you kind of grow distracted. 00:44:17.820 |
And that's not wrong, but if you are not dating, then you ought to kind of think through that. 00:44:24.820 |
You guys can read this one on your own, Romans chapter 12, verse 1 to 21. 00:44:28.820 |
You can maximize your time with this chapter. 00:44:31.820 |
And just read through the chapter and say, "Am I doing that?" 00:44:34.820 |
Maybe I'll do that. Maybe the next time someone comes up to me and says, "Oh, Pastor Nathan, by the way, you don't need my blessing. 00:44:40.820 |
I hope you guys don't feel like you need to come to me and ask me today." 00:44:45.820 |
I'm going to be like, "I don't know. How are you doing?" 00:44:49.820 |
Maybe I'll bring this out and say, "Romans 12, 1 to 21, how have you been doing in loving other people?" 00:44:55.820 |
If you're not doing well in loving other people, if you're going to get into a dating relationship, 00:44:58.820 |
you're sure as heck not going to love that person very well, right? 00:45:04.820 |
Kill sin. Here's another way to use time wisely. Kill sin. 00:45:11.820 |
You're going to find temptation and impurity and loneliness, sadness. 00:45:21.820 |
Just understand that even after this dating seminar, being single, you're going to feel the loneliness of it. 00:45:28.820 |
You're going to feel like, "Dude, that's what I expected it to be. It's going to be hard." 00:45:32.820 |
It's okay. It's like, "This is what I expected to be hard." 00:45:36.820 |
If you feel like it shouldn't be like this, then you're constantly going to be trying to fill that void. 00:45:47.820 |
So kill sin today because even in terms of something as specific as purity, 00:45:52.820 |
some people think, "Oh, once I get married, this purity issue is not going to be a thing anymore." 00:45:59.820 |
How you fight sin today is going to be everything about how you fight sin as a married person in a dating relationship. 00:46:11.820 |
Don't think that a stage in life or a different circumstance is going to change your heart. 00:46:18.820 |
You need to be someone who is marriage material now. 00:46:24.820 |
You can't just be thinking like, "Oh, I'll work on that when I get there." 00:46:33.820 |
Kill self-centeredness, self-absorption, and selfishness. 00:46:36.820 |
Kill ego, pride, and arrogance, and the need to win every argument. 00:46:41.820 |
You feel the need to win every argument and just keep it going? 00:46:44.820 |
You don't feel like the argument is coming to an end and you just say, "One more thing." 00:46:52.820 |
If I were to date them, I would never be angry and bitter and hateful towards them." 00:46:56.820 |
Until you realize, "Oh, I'm a terrible, sinful person." 00:47:01.820 |
Maybe some of you guys like someone right now. 00:47:11.820 |
You just like them, and so this other girl comes and starts talking to him, and you look 00:47:16.820 |
at that, and you go, "That girl thinks she's so cool." 00:47:23.820 |
Like, if that jealousy is there now, think about it later. 00:47:35.820 |
I hear myself sometimes, like when I'm really tired, I'll complain to my wife. 00:47:43.820 |
All right, and then spend time in the disciplines. 00:47:45.820 |
Here's another way to spend your single year as well. 00:47:57.820 |
And one thing--some of you guys have actually asked me this question before. 00:48:02.820 |
"Pastor Nathan, if you were to go back into college, what would you do with your time, 00:48:05.820 |
or what would you do differently," and things like that. 00:48:08.820 |
I always say I would have read the Bible more. 00:48:11.820 |
Because on this side of things, yeah, sure, I'm a pastor, but like a personal, like really 00:48:16.820 |
having all this time that's flexible and you're able to just study Scripture, there is no 00:48:28.820 |
Man, now it's like--like when Andy first came around, it was just like, "Dude," I tried 00:48:35.820 |
to pray at certain mornings and then I just started crying. 00:48:40.820 |
You know how hard it is to pray in that room with like 10 sinful, crazy children running 00:48:52.820 |
There is no time like now for what you can do in terms of evangelism. 00:49:00.820 |
Like your classmates, it changes every quarter, it changes every semester. 00:49:03.820 |
You have lab partners you're forced to spend time with. 00:49:06.820 |
You guys commiserate together when there's a bad professor. 00:49:09.820 |
You're living together with random people all the time. 00:49:24.820 |
It doesn't mean you need to take up a position. 00:49:26.820 |
Many of the things here at church, you actually have to be a member before you can do. 00:49:29.820 |
There are different things that you don't have to be a member to serve at church in. 00:49:33.820 |
But serve doesn't just mean, you know, I got to figure out what service team to be a part 00:49:41.820 |
That might just be as simple as seeing someone who doesn't seem to have that many friends 00:49:46.820 |
at church and go and sit next to them and be their friend. 00:49:49.820 |
Yeah, get your group of people and go and sit down next to them. 00:49:54.820 |
Like if four of you guys are saying, "Yeah, after this, let's go get some boba," then 00:50:04.820 |
And obviously, there are so many other ways, right? 00:50:07.820 |
Serve--like serve, serve till you drop, you know. 00:50:10.820 |
I know--I know a lot of people are like, "Oh, I don't want to burn out." 00:50:15.820 |
And you don't want to stretch yourself too thin and all of that. 00:50:17.820 |
But whatever capacity that you have to serve, like just serve like crazy, you know. 00:50:21.820 |
I like to say, "You're going to rest in heaven," right? 00:50:27.820 |
If someone's running a marathon and then in the middle, they're like, "Oh, no, I just 00:50:31.820 |
And then they start--they like put out a picnic and then they start eating. 00:50:47.820 |
That's something you could do to prepare now, to spend your time well. 00:50:52.820 |
And we already talked about that in the killing sin part. 00:50:54.820 |
But don't just sit there and wonder why no one likes you. 00:51:06.820 |
Or think like, you know, like I don't know, like that you're the--like a pretty good looking 00:51:14.820 |
person or like, you know, I'm fairly godly and you have all these things about yourself. 00:51:20.820 |
But understand that like for you, stop wondering about other people and stop looking at like, 00:51:29.820 |
You know, really become someone who when someone--like if you were to ask them out, the other person 00:51:37.820 |
You know, that's the type of person you want to be. 00:51:46.820 |
Yeah, because if you go down the path that you're just kind of going and looking for 00:51:50.820 |
people that's going to fit you and later on you're like, "Why isn't that person asking 00:51:54.820 |
me or why--when I ask that person, they don't like me or it doesn't seem like this--like 00:52:01.820 |
And you're thinking--sometimes I sit and like, "Well, you just spent all your time just studying 00:52:11.820 |
by yourself or just hanging out with the same people or just in your room playing a video 00:52:30.820 |
We're not going to go into this one but I wanted to give you guys two resources, Disciplines 00:52:33.820 |
of a Godly Man and Disciplines of a Godly Woman. 00:52:35.820 |
This is--if you pick up these books, then you can start to apply that into your life 00:52:49.820 |
There's a short amount of time here in this world and you might be tempted. 00:52:55.820 |
Many of us might be saying or thinking, "Jesus, come after I get married, please. 00:53:00.820 |
But if--as--that might be a joke and we might say that with a smile on our face but honestly, 00:53:07.820 |
You know, we want to experience the good things of this world because we don't quite understand 00:53:16.820 |
Like the one that's to come is going to--it's going to just leave everything here in the 00:53:28.820 |
If you are not content without a spouse, you won't be content with a spouse. 00:53:34.820 |
Do you feel true joy or do you feel the sting of loneliness and the pains of jealousy? 00:53:42.820 |
If you're to think about that, you would say, "Man, I am not content in God alone." 00:53:48.820 |
It's not wrong to feel the pains of loneliness and you feel like, "I just want someone, you 00:53:54.820 |
That in and of itself--remember, desire is not wrong by itself. 00:53:57.820 |
But when that starts to manifest into things and idolatry, then you can truly say, "I am 00:54:05.820 |
And as soon as you're able to say that, you might start looking inwards and say, "Dude, 00:54:10.820 |
maybe I'm not quite ready to date right now." 00:54:12.820 |
If you are not content in God alone in a dating relationship, that's not going to make you 00:54:17.820 |
And so you're going to become not content in God alone there and then you're just going 00:54:30.820 |
Ask yourself that question over and over again, "Am I really content in God alone? 00:54:34.820 |
Do I believe in the words of Scripture that He is God and there is nothing else I need?" 00:54:43.820 |
The desires can feel overwhelming many times. 00:54:48.820 |
I told many of you I was an emo kid in college. 00:54:55.820 |
I would go out with a guitar and stare out at the ocean and sing praise songs at the 00:54:59.820 |
top of my lungs and crying "Woe is me" and putting ash cloth, that kind of stuff on me. 00:55:09.820 |
When you guys come and say, "You guys are crying and saying this is so hard." 00:55:13.820 |
I never once go like, "Oh my, come on, suck it up." 00:55:21.820 |
I know you like them so much you feel like you're going to die. 00:55:31.820 |
Embrace it as a trial that's going to sanctify you. 00:55:33.820 |
That in it, it will mature and start to test your faith and ask this thing about being 00:55:46.820 |
Singles often experience unnecessary guilt because they don't understand the idea of 00:55:52.820 |
Earnest waiting happens when the truths of God's sovereignty and our responsibility 00:55:57.820 |
So we think that it just means like, "Oh, does that mean I just kind of sit on my hands 00:56:01.820 |
and I just wait for God to bring someone into my life?" 00:56:04.820 |
Earnest waiting means that we are actively pursuing God with all of our hearts and our 00:56:11.820 |
It's okay to grow attracted to people and things like that. 00:56:14.820 |
Don't think like, "Oh, I'm sinning because I kind of like have a crush on that person." 00:56:22.820 |
But, earnestly waiting is going to be this understanding of faith and then what's coming 00:56:28.820 |
at us and how that kind of collides and meet together. 00:56:31.820 |
D, deal appropriately with opposite gender friendships. 00:56:51.820 |
If someone were able to look into our minds, if that person that you like were able to 00:57:01.820 |
But past a certain point, it just gets like twilight zone-y, you know? 00:57:08.820 |
Especially if you feel like you're not ready to be in a relationship, keep your eyes fixed 00:57:24.820 |
But what you do with that attraction, whether your eyes linger, whether your mind fantasizes, 00:57:34.820 |
And so don't mentally go after everyone you're attracted to. 00:57:39.820 |
This is elementary, but I think it needs to be told. 00:57:46.820 |
And this doesn't actually mean I'm going to go and tell them I like them. 00:57:49.820 |
Many of us are just too afraid to do things like that. 00:57:52.820 |
But mentally going after someone you're attracted to is just kind of playing with those thoughts 00:57:56.820 |
in our minds about what it would be like to be in a relationship with them, and how can 00:58:03.820 |
You know, youth students are notorious for it. 00:58:06.820 |
You can just tell when they like each other, and they think that they're being so clever, 00:58:10.820 |
and you're watching, and you're like, "Oh my goodness, this is so funny." 00:58:17.820 |
But the funny thing is, like, the staff, we can see you guys, and we're like, "Haha." 00:58:24.820 |
Treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. 00:58:29.820 |
That's how you want to deal appropriately with the opposite gender friendships. 00:58:35.820 |
That person that you like is nothing more than a brother or a sister to you. 00:58:39.820 |
1 Timothy chapter 5, it says, "Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to 00:58:43.820 |
him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger 00:58:49.820 |
He's talking about the church being a family, like, treat each other like family. 00:58:54.820 |
Some practical things about that, treat each other--when you're thinking about treating 00:59:06.820 |
each other as brothers and sisters, don't spend too much time alone with them, 00:59:12.820 |
especially late at night, and just say, like, "Oh, we're just hanging out." 00:59:17.820 |
Like, if you find yourself in a place where--I highly recommend when you guys are driving 00:59:22.820 |
each other home late at night and things like that, just as much as possible, I highly recommend, 00:59:28.820 |
don't let it be like you and someone of the opposite gender at, like, 1 a.m. in the morning, 00:59:34.820 |
You're going to fall in love with the person. 00:59:43.820 |
I hope I put a screeching halt to any of that now. 00:59:46.820 |
Another way to think about brothers and sisters is if you want to get to know them, like, 00:59:53.820 |
Like, that's the best way to actually get to know other people without, like, making 00:59:58.820 |
it, like, "Oh, hey, you want to grab some coffee?" 01:00:05.820 |
Like, as you're serving, you're going to see brothers serving next to you. 01:00:09.820 |
You're going to see sisters serving next to you. 01:00:12.820 |
And these are great ways just to see, like, in the context of not, like, putting up the 01:00:18.820 |
Like, when you're on a date or when you guys are interested in each other and sitting across 01:00:21.820 |
from each other, everyone comes in with, like, the best of themselves, right? 01:00:26.820 |
Come and they put out, like, they're going to make sure, you know, you flush, you brush 01:00:32.820 |
And then you come and you make sure that everything's in the right place and you present the best 01:00:39.820 |
But when people are serving, not that it's not like that, but then what you see is in 01:00:43.820 |
the context of a serving heart, in the context of ministry, you're not going to see someone 01:00:48.820 |
trying to please you, because that's what's happening in there. 01:00:50.820 |
But you're going to see someone who's trying to please God, and you get to see the reality 01:00:55.820 |
I'm not trying to say that just because people are serving, it means that they're all godly 01:00:58.820 |
people, but I think these are great places to do that. 01:01:04.820 |
I think many of us don't understand what flirting even is. 01:01:09.820 |
Like, there are some of us in this room that might be flirting and we don't even know. 01:01:13.820 |
And I'm not going to go into the nitty-gritty of, like, what that looks like, you know? 01:01:20.820 |
You know, I'm not going to do that today, but be aware of these kinds of things. 01:01:26.820 |
And I don't want us to police each other and be like, "Hey, bro, you're flirting. 01:01:34.820 |
Don't do that, but if it truly was flirting, then call them out, you know? 01:01:41.820 |
Like, if there's a sister and they don't realize it, but their friendliness is actually getting 01:01:44.820 |
misconstrued, maybe you can be like, "Hey, you may not realize it, but I think, like, 01:01:48.820 |
a bunch of guys are falling for you right now because of how you're acting." 01:01:55.820 |
Just trying to put out different things to say, like, just be aware of this. 01:01:59.820 |
Another thing, beware of fake digital relationships. 01:02:04.820 |
I grew up in a time of something called AOL Instant Messenger, AIM, and we would all come 01:02:15.820 |
Like, I would talk to people online, and then the very next day I would pass them in the 01:02:19.820 |
hallways at school, and then it would be so awkward and not want to make eye contact with 01:02:27.820 |
I remember, like, in college I remember even thinking, like, "It's crazy that I would type 01:02:30.820 |
something up and I could look at what I type and then shape it and edit it and form it 01:02:36.820 |
You know, I could do stuff like that, and, like, it becomes very fake. 01:02:42.820 |
You're presenting and putting -- it's like a filter, right? 01:02:48.820 |
Like, you put on a filter, but it's over your personality. 01:02:51.820 |
And then you display it to people, but try not to, like, make your relationship -- like, 01:02:57.820 |
if you do text or talk on Facebook Messenger with someone of the opposite gender, I'm not 01:03:03.820 |
saying keep it limited, but maybe keep it limited. 01:03:06.820 |
But what I am saying is if your actual relationship isn't greater than the sum of what that messaging 01:03:13.820 |
thing is, you might want to kind of rethink that. 01:03:18.820 |
Because there's a lot of, like, hidden traps there. 01:03:21.820 |
We can't go into -- that's a social media seminar. 01:03:27.820 |
And then also don't forget that while you can guard your own heart, you can't guard 01:03:34.820 |
I've heard some people and I'd see, like, "Hey, dude, like, what's going on? 01:03:37.820 |
You guys are spending a lot of time together." 01:03:39.820 |
And then the girl would be like, "Oh, dude, that's me. 01:03:46.820 |
And he's, like, standing over there, he hears it, he goes, "Oh." 01:03:53.820 |
She's like, "Oh, I don't even need to guard my -- my heart is guarded. 01:04:03.820 |
Guys are like, "Dude, Pastor Nathan, no, I'm not ready to date. 01:04:11.820 |
And then he goes -- and then so, like, "Oh, but why are you spending so much time with 01:04:15.820 |
And he's like, "Oh, because I want to be a good brother." 01:04:17.820 |
I'm like, "But you're not guarding her heart." 01:04:20.820 |
And so you have to be aware of this when it comes to these brother/sister relationships. 01:04:27.820 |
Godliness and character are the name of the game. 01:04:29.820 |
So this is what you want to look for, godliness and character. 01:04:33.820 |
This isn't just a cherry on the top because I think what we actually look for is we look 01:04:36.820 |
for the package and then we look for the godliness to make sure it's there. 01:04:41.820 |
Godliness and character should be what draws us to people because we know that everything 01:04:49.820 |
Maybe I should tell Kezia one day this handsome face is going to be gone. 01:05:00.820 |
Like, whatever -- a bunch of you guys are working out at the gym. 01:05:11.820 |
You're like, "Oh, that person has a good personality," right? 01:05:16.820 |
You get into a relationship with them, we're like, "I'm dating a monster," you know? 01:05:25.820 |
And I'm not saying you shouldn't be physically attracted or attracted to personality and 01:05:31.820 |
But if that's like the hub and then you're putting cherry on top, godliness like that, 01:05:38.820 |
You need to actually question your motives here. 01:05:45.820 |
So because of this, a lot of times you might look at nonbelievers and then say, "Oh, maybe, 01:05:54.820 |
Maybe this could be a way for me to bring them to Christianity." 01:06:02.820 |
That's not how you bring someone to Christianity. 01:06:03.820 |
If you really care for them, I would say break up with the person, befriend them, and then 01:06:11.820 |
Maybe bring them to church and pair them off with like a sister or brother, depending on 01:06:18.820 |
Second Corinthians 6.14 says, "Do not be bound together with unbelievers for what partnership 01:06:22.820 |
have righteousness and lawlessness, for what fellowship has light with darkness." 01:06:25.820 |
This is not talking about friendship in that way. 01:06:27.820 |
Like, "Oh, I can't hang out with my friend anymore." 01:06:31.820 |
It's not that same fellowship, like a unity that's going to be happening. 01:06:35.820 |
And if dating is about heading towards marriage, then that's not going to work. 01:06:39.820 |
Romans 8.6-7, "For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is 01:06:42.820 |
life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God, for it does not 01:06:46.820 |
subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so." 01:06:50.820 |
If you are dating a non-Christian, then this is who they are. 01:06:54.820 |
And we're not trying to, like, say they're a terrible person, but they are sinners. 01:06:58.820 |
And they are sinners whose mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God. 01:07:04.820 |
And if you're a Christian, you are a friend of God, you are a servant of God, you are 01:07:07.820 |
a lover of God, and to be very intimately close to this person who is going to be like 01:07:14.820 |
If it does, you're just skirting the issue the whole time. 01:07:18.820 |
You're saying, "Well, we can hang out and we'll talk about other things, but when it 01:07:21.820 |
comes to this thing, you're going to hit a wall every time." 01:08:16.820 |
Be fast because I'm going to give you 10 seconds. 01:08:25.820 |
You guys have all those passages written there, so you guys can look at it on your own, but 01:08:31.820 |
Because if you make a move and then you seek counsel, do you know what actually is happening? 01:08:38.820 |
You're actually looking for someone to confirm the decision you've already made, and that's 01:08:44.820 |
And seeking counsel is not primarily from people your age. 01:08:55.820 |
We'll make this our last point and we'll take a break. 01:08:59.820 |
In 1 Kings 12, 6, King Rehoboam consulted with the elders who had served his father Solomon 01:09:03.820 |
while he was still alive, saying, "How do you counsel me to answer this people? 01:09:06.820 |
There is this young king who goes to the elders who are wise." 01:09:10.820 |
Then they spoke to him, saying, "If you will be a servant to this people today and will 01:09:13.820 |
serve them and grant them their petition and speak good words to them, then they will be 01:09:18.820 |
But he forsook the counsel of the elders which they had given him and consulted with the young 01:09:24.820 |
So he said to them, "What counsel do you give that we may answer this people who have spoken 01:09:27.820 |
to me, saying, 'Lighten the yoke which your father put on us?'" 01:09:30.820 |
And the young men who grew up with him spoke to him, saying, "Thus you shall say to this 01:09:33.820 |
people who spoke to you, saying, 'Your father made our yoke heavy; now you make it lighter 01:09:38.820 |
But you shall speak to them, 'My little finger is thicker than my father's loins.' 01:09:42.820 |
Whereas my father loaded you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. 01:09:46.820 |
My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.'" 01:09:52.820 |
But actually, many times, this is the advice you're going to be getting from your peers. 01:09:56.820 |
To end the story, verses later, it says, "Then King Rehoboam sent to Adam, who was over the 01:10:01.820 |
forced labor, and all Israel stoned him to death. 01:10:03.820 |
And King Rehoboam made haste to mount his chariot to flee to Jerusalem." 01:10:07.820 |
So Israel has been in rebellion against the house of David to this day. 01:10:15.820 |
This king, this young king, comes and says to the elders, "What should I do?" 01:10:23.820 |
So he goes to the younger guys that he grew up with, and he says, "What should I do?" 01:10:28.820 |
And they're like, "Oh, yeah, that makes sense. 01:10:33.820 |
And then the kingdom split, North and South Kingdom. 01:10:49.820 |
There are confusing things when it comes to relationships. 01:10:51.820 |
It's not all I turn to Scripture, I can find everything. 01:10:53.820 |
But even when it comes to like, "Oh, what about compatibility? 01:10:59.820 |
Like that kind of stuff is all stuff you could seek counsel for. 01:11:08.820 |
Many of us have knowledge, but learning how to apply it is important. 01:11:14.820 |
Okay, let's take about a five-minute break here to stretch out. 01:11:21.820 |
You guys can talk to each other, get some snacks, and then we'll keep going.