back to indexBCC 2018 Retreat - Peacemaker - Resolving Personal Conflict
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So, Johnny, let's pray together and then we'll start here. 00:00:06.000 |
Heavenly Father, thank you that we're here listening to your word. 00:00:13.000 |
Thank you for these seminars that have been prepared. 00:00:16.000 |
But more than anything, God, we always want to thank you in every prayer for the gift of your Son, 00:00:26.000 |
that it be a time where we understand what it means to be Christians, to be peacekeepers, 00:00:31.000 |
to be pursuers of peace in the midst of conflict and sin, 00:00:35.000 |
and that we would desire this because this is the type of God that you are. 00:00:45.000 |
So, I've been working feverishly to cut this down. 00:00:53.000 |
So, there might be some things that we kind of skip over, some things that we gloss over. 00:00:58.000 |
My ask of you is to take as much of the principles that you can, 00:01:03.000 |
and it's going to be your job to apply them to your life. 00:01:06.000 |
So, we're going fast because I actually have like 63 slides, 00:01:10.000 |
which probably we're not going to get through, because we don't have enough time. 00:01:15.000 |
So, you're a peacemaker, resolving personal conflict. 00:01:19.000 |
I have the definition written down for you already on the worksheet. 00:01:22.000 |
It's indifference and opinion are purpose to frustrate someone's goals or desires. 00:01:28.000 |
So, if you think about that, try not to, yeah, I'll kind of cue you. 00:01:33.000 |
So, variations and tastes that might create conflict, if you think about it. 00:01:38.000 |
For those of you who are married, you might have seen that in a lot of your vacation. 00:01:42.000 |
You go to a vacation and one of you just wants to stay at the hotel and watch TV and sleep in, 00:01:47.000 |
and the other one wants to go and see everything, see the world. 00:01:50.000 |
From top to bottom, you have it all packed, and it creates conflict. 00:01:55.000 |
There's hostile arguments when you're fighting and quarreling with people. 00:01:58.000 |
That's maybe the type of thing that you're kind of thinking of as you're thinking of resolving personal conflict. 00:02:03.000 |
But the one thing about conflict that's for sure is that you can't dodge it in life. 00:02:07.000 |
And I think there are multiple ways that people do try to dodge it. 00:02:10.000 |
First, they'll try to dodge it by ridding your surroundings of people of conflict. 00:02:17.000 |
So, if you just stay away from people who will create conflict in your life, 00:02:20.000 |
if I avoid them, then maybe I can dodge conflict. 00:02:25.000 |
If you're thinking, if I can just be a good person, then maybe I can dodge conflict in life. 00:02:31.000 |
And in the middle of that, even then, we think that maybe turning to God, whatever that means, will make everything better. 00:02:38.000 |
We have to think a little bit more sophisticated than that, the Hukouki speaking. 00:02:45.000 |
We know that in a sinful world, we're going to be coming up against conflict with every person that we come across in many different types of ways. 00:02:55.000 |
And so, with this notion that there is going to be conflict, when it inevitably comes, how are you going to deal with it as a believer? 00:03:03.000 |
That's what we're going to be addressing today. 00:03:06.000 |
And so, hopefully, this conflict is going to lead to reconciliation, whether in major or minor ways. 00:03:12.000 |
And with that, we're going to be looking at four primary causes of conflict. 00:03:17.000 |
So, the first one, we can go to the next slide here. 00:03:24.000 |
Well, this is the reason why we're doing this. 00:03:26.000 |
This is Vision 3 to Glorify God by building a community through love and accountability. 00:03:30.000 |
And to really want to build a community, you know, you think of coming to church, 00:03:34.000 |
and when you kind of think about what church is, you want it to be a place where everyone's kind of holding hands and singing together, 00:03:43.000 |
But as soon as you have a church that's actually like that, you have to kind of question, 00:03:47.000 |
is this a church that has gone deep into relationships? 00:03:50.000 |
Because as soon as you do, you know, again, for you married couples, 00:03:54.000 |
it might have been okay to get married, and then you'd be able to see all these different parts, all these different things. 00:03:59.000 |
Maybe even for people who have ever dated, you're like, "Oh, this is the perfect guy. He's the perfect girl. He's the one I want to marry." 00:04:05.000 |
But when you get into it, you're like, "Wow, he's disgusting," or whatever it might be. 00:04:11.000 |
So when you start building a community, when you start getting deeper into your relationships, 00:04:16.000 |
this concept of loving one another and holding each other accountable gets into a place where things get sticky. 00:04:23.000 |
And so reconciliation is going to be necessary, peace-making is going to be necessary, 00:04:29.000 |
because we are going to be seeing people with different mentalities. 00:04:32.000 |
We're going to be addressing that a little bit. 00:04:34.000 |
So what are the four primary causes of conflict? 00:04:39.000 |
So Joshua 22, verse 10 through 34, we can't have you turn there right now, 00:04:44.000 |
but if you remember the story of nine and a half tribes and two and a half tribes, 00:04:48.000 |
it was Agad, Reuben, and a half tribe of Manasseh. 00:04:51.000 |
They were kind of divided up, and what happened was, because this was after the time of all the conquerings, 00:04:56.000 |
of the time of Joshua, into the land of Canaan, a time of peace was beginning to come rolling in. 00:05:03.000 |
And so with all the conquering of the land, they began to distribute which land belongs to which tribe. 00:05:09.000 |
So two and a half of the tribes were separated pretty far past this Jordan River, which was the eastern part. 00:05:16.000 |
So there was the western Israel and the eastern Israel, as well as the north and south. 00:05:20.000 |
So the eastern people were like, "Oh man, this river is going to stop us." 00:05:25.000 |
And so what they did was they erected an altar. 00:05:29.000 |
And so if you think about where an altar is supposed to go, that's supposed to stay at the holy land. 00:05:36.000 |
And so when they made it, nine and a half tribes came up in arms, 00:05:40.000 |
and they came up against this border and said, "What are you doing? We declare war on you." 00:05:44.000 |
And what happened in that setting was the two and a half tribes were like, "Whoa, this is a miscommunication. 00:05:50.000 |
We know that this is an altar that's supposed to take care of that. 00:05:56.000 |
And this altar is supposed to be here to remind your children and our children, way past the time when we're gone, 00:06:02.000 |
that we have an understanding that we are the same people, of the same God." 00:06:07.000 |
And so a misunderstanding could produce a conflict. 00:06:14.000 |
In Acts 15.39, this is a very famous passage where Paul and Barnabas, who were doing missionary journeys together, 00:06:22.000 |
they separate because Barnabas wanted to take John Mark, and then Paul wanted to take Silas. 00:06:28.000 |
And so regardless of what was going on there, it was definitely a difference in value that was happening. 00:06:34.000 |
And so that caused a conflict between the two. 00:06:36.000 |
Third, conflict could be caused by competition over limited resources. 00:06:41.000 |
So in Genesis 13, 1 through 12, there's the story of Abraham and Lot, and their herdsmen, their people, 00:06:47.000 |
are kind of fighting against each other because they have big flocks, 00:06:50.000 |
and they're fighting against the same land, so Abraham says, "Okay, you choose the land you want to go to, 00:06:56.000 |
And fourthly, this is the obvious one, sinful attitudes or habits will cause conflict. 00:07:03.000 |
And most of the time, all these things are kind of playing with each other. 00:07:07.000 |
In Galatians 5.15, it's that passage where it says, "But if you bite and devour one another, 00:07:12.000 |
watch out that you are not consumed by one another." 00:07:15.000 |
And these people are fighting each other because of their sinfulness. 00:07:19.000 |
Now, why is it so important for the church to learn to reconcile alone? 00:07:25.000 |
I didn't realize it would be, but it's the same one. 00:07:27.000 |
But in Philippians 1.27-5, it says, "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, 00:07:35.000 |
so that whether I come and see you or amass it, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, 00:07:40.000 |
one mind, striving side by side with the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents. 00:07:45.000 |
This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God. 00:07:50.000 |
For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ, you should not only believe in Him, but also suffer for His sake. 00:07:55.000 |
Engage in the same conflict that you saw I had, and now hear that I still have." 00:07:59.000 |
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, 00:08:04.000 |
any affection and sympathy, complete my joy of being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord, 00:08:10.000 |
and having one mind, do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 00:08:16.000 |
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 00:08:20.000 |
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus. 00:08:23.000 |
And then verse 6-11 talks about that passage with Christ's humility, where He doesn't grasp the deity, to His Godhood, 00:08:30.000 |
and instead He dies on the cross for us, and then He's exalted. 00:08:34.000 |
So this passage, if you look at it as a whole, you begin to see a lot of this unity talk. 00:08:40.000 |
It talks about being of one spirit, one mind, it says that we're engaged in the same conflict. 00:08:47.000 |
It says, Damian 2, verse 2, "Complete my joy of being of the same mind again, same love, full accord, one mind." 00:08:55.000 |
Verse 3 and 4 talks about what that looks like, do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, 00:08:59.000 |
count others more significant than yourselves, don't look only to your own interests, but the interests of others. 00:09:04.000 |
And this all has this unity talk, all has a purpose behind it. 00:09:09.000 |
And you can kind of glean some of the purpose, in verse 27 it says, "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ." 00:09:17.000 |
It has something to do with the gospel that comes through Christ. 00:09:21.000 |
That the gospel is going to make it so that this unity is very, very important. 00:09:25.000 |
And then if you continue to read down, even in verse 28, you see, "This is a clear sign to them of their destruction." 00:09:33.000 |
Christian unity is going to signal to other people destruction, but of us, of our salvation. 00:09:40.000 |
So this unity has something to say about our salvation, that in ending saved people, a unification happens. 00:09:47.000 |
And then in verse 5, if you can't be clear enough, "Have this mind among yourselves." 00:09:52.000 |
And on this, this humble talk, before and after this passage in verse 5, it says, "This is yours in Christ Jesus." 00:10:02.000 |
So, it's so important for the church to learn to reconcile well. 00:10:06.000 |
Unity is very, very important to our gospel proclamation. 00:10:12.000 |
That if this is gone, that the power of salvation that's given to us, and that message we proclaim to the world, 00:10:18.000 |
is not only going to be diluted, but we do the exact opposite of what we want to do to the world. 00:10:24.000 |
So, if we're out there, you know, proclaiming the gospel to our co-workers, and to our friends, and to our non-believing family members, 00:10:30.000 |
and yet we are in conflict with someone, and we have no desire to resolve, no desire to reconcile, 00:10:36.000 |
and we're just bitter at heart and mind, and there's a division in the church because of this. 00:10:40.000 |
Or maybe even within the church, maybe you look across the aisle, and there's somebody that just drives you crazy. 00:10:45.000 |
But you just decide, "I hope you avoid them all my life." 00:10:48.000 |
If that happens, we are doing a disservice to the gospel, because it means that we haven't fully understood what it means in our own lives, 00:10:58.000 |
So, in John 13, 35, it says, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." 00:11:07.000 |
That's how people will know, by the love that we have for one another. 00:11:15.000 |
So, again, in this seminar, it's going to be very important for you to understand that we can't go into it case by case. 00:11:22.000 |
We're going to be throwing out there a lot of principles, and so there might be a conflict that you're thinking of in your mind, 00:11:28.000 |
and it might not fit perfectly with some of the things that we're bringing up. 00:11:31.000 |
But you're going to have to do the legwork of kind of drawing the principles and the biblical principles to what's going to work for you in your case. 00:11:41.000 |
So, before we go into the main part of it, I want to ask you to think of some conflicts that you've been in recently. 00:11:47.000 |
This is going to be very helpful for you as we continue this seminar. 00:11:51.000 |
I'll give you like ten seconds to think of a conflict. 00:12:03.000 |
And as you think of that, think of how you generally respond to conflicts like this. 00:12:11.000 |
So, maybe in this conflict, how are you responding to it? 00:12:14.000 |
Or in the past, how have you responded to it? 00:12:21.000 |
So, if you don't have one, as an important example, you still have to use your imagination, but if you get into an argument with a friend, 00:12:27.000 |
and you're visibly frustrated with your friend, and you feel it, 00:12:32.000 |
their smiling face just makes you angry for some reason. 00:12:43.000 |
Do you just avoid the topic of whatever that topic is? 00:12:46.000 |
Those are the kinds of things that you need to think of. 00:12:55.000 |
So, you're going to see three on this side, six in the middle, three on this side. 00:13:00.000 |
And I'm going to kind of take you guys through this. 00:13:02.000 |
So, on the left side there, it's called peace faking. 00:13:05.000 |
You're going to see denial, flight, and suicide. 00:13:16.000 |
And this is like someone who says, if you've ever met someone, like my dad was like this. 00:13:20.000 |
Like he'd get a really bad injury, and then I said, "Dude, Dad, you should go to the doctor for that." 00:13:29.000 |
Your finger's going to come off, that kind of thing. 00:13:32.000 |
And so, it's a person who just says, "If I don't think about it, it will get better." 00:13:40.000 |
You're just pretending that peace is there, even though it's not actually there. 00:13:46.000 |
So, in conflict, it's that person who says, "It's going to be okay," 00:13:50.000 |
and that this situation will resolve over time, 00:13:52.000 |
that I don't really want to deal with it or talk about it right now. 00:14:01.000 |
probably the relationship is beginning to poison, 00:14:13.000 |
So, it's pulling away from a relationship, quitting a job, filing for divorce, changing churches. 00:14:18.000 |
Flight might be legitimate in extreme circumstances. 00:14:20.000 |
You guys can look at these passages on your own. 00:14:24.000 |
But an extreme circumstance could be some kind of physical abuse, 00:14:30.000 |
or maybe you're flying from a conflict because you need some time to air it out. 00:14:36.000 |
You're not thinking clearly, so you need to breathe, pray. 00:14:39.000 |
So, there might be some circumstances for flight. 00:14:41.000 |
But in most cases, it only postpones a proper solution to the problem. 00:14:49.000 |
And in a church, usually as far as it gets after some kind of fight, 00:14:59.000 |
So, people will be like, "I can't deal with this. 00:15:06.000 |
And so, they will move churches instead of reconcile. 00:15:10.000 |
And at the next church, pretend like, "I can just go on with my life." 00:15:16.000 |
We don't need to talk about this one too much. 00:15:18.000 |
But if it gets far enough, it can go to that side. 00:15:22.000 |
On the spectrum, we're going to be looking at the right side now. 00:15:28.000 |
Peace breaking, peace breaking, assault, litigation, and murder. 00:15:31.000 |
So, these are attack responses aside from the escape responses. 00:15:41.000 |
So, assault is using various forms of force or intimidation, such as verbal attacks. 00:15:49.000 |
Physical violence or efforts to damage a person financially or professionally. 00:15:57.000 |
This can also be done under the guise of venting. 00:16:03.000 |
You're going to assault someone, but you're doing it in a godly way. 00:16:09.000 |
And so, it's gossiping, it's slandering, these kinds of things. 00:16:13.000 |
Like, a bunch of you guys are licking each other. 00:16:19.000 |
Whatever the case, there's obviously no thought of God. 00:16:22.000 |
You're just sharing because it's heavy on your heart. 00:16:25.000 |
You're not even thinking of the other person's well-being. 00:16:28.000 |
You're just saying, "I'm struggling with this." 00:16:33.000 |
By the way, you can assault someone while you're smiling. 00:16:39.000 |
You could just pass by them, pretend like everything's okay. 00:16:42.000 |
But it's not, and you are assaulting them in many different ways. 00:16:46.000 |
I think the majority of peace-breaking scenarios fall into this category. 00:16:53.000 |
This is very rare in most church circles, but I've seen it happen. 00:16:59.000 |
Coming from a Korean church background, I've seen it happen to a lot of Korean churches around me. 00:17:04.000 |
But litigation has happened where it goes to the court system. 00:17:07.000 |
And then lastly, I know it jumps really quick, but a murmur. 00:17:19.000 |
As humans, we've seen things like this happen all over the news when conflict gets to that point. 00:17:27.000 |
You're thinking peace-breaking and peace-breaking and peace-breaking, 00:17:31.000 |
and trying to see where the white category is. 00:17:34.000 |
We're like a generation where we love ISFJ, IDMT. 00:17:38.000 |
We like that kind of stuff. Don't categorize it. 00:17:43.000 |
And it's going to be this thing where with a person that you're closer to, 00:17:48.000 |
or maybe someone that you had a relationship with pre-Christianity, 00:17:52.000 |
or it could be a family member, or it could be a new co-worker. 00:17:55.000 |
You could be peace-breaking and just going all over the spectrum. 00:18:01.000 |
Instead of peace-making, which is kind of in the middle. 00:18:06.000 |
You could be someone who denies, and then you'll flight, flight, flight, flight, flight, to a point. 00:18:13.000 |
And then finally, it just gets so out of hand in your mind and heart that you're going to assault. 00:18:18.000 |
And then you leave the church. You flight again. 00:18:21.000 |
These things, you can kind of characterize it into however works for you. 00:18:32.000 |
That's right in the middle, and this is where we want to design. 00:18:36.000 |
You don't want to go to this side. You don't want to go to that side. 00:18:39.000 |
And what we talk about for the rest of today is going to be about that. 00:18:44.000 |
Now a question for you. Don't answer it for real. 00:18:56.000 |
As we said, the difference in opinions or desires, or even simple miscommunication, 00:19:02.000 |
these things can create that rough of a temptation. 00:19:06.000 |
And that in and of itself, what comes out of our hearts might be sinful, but the conflict itself might not. 00:19:13.000 |
I like this. I'll meet you. I like this. I'll meet you. 00:19:23.000 |
So what we want is to seek unity in our relationships, not uniformity. 00:19:29.000 |
We're not asking everyone to say, "Okay, then we all have to just kind of bow to our own desires and say, 'Whatever you want, go listen.'" 00:19:37.000 |
And so Ephesians chapter 4, verse 1-13, next passage, 00:19:41.000 |
it's kind of a parallel passage to Philippians chapter 1-27, very similar thoughts. 00:19:46.000 |
In verse 1, it says, "I therefore, Christian for the Lord, urge you to watch him and awardly the call of the Lord which you have been called." 00:19:52.000 |
And it kind of describes what that looks like. 00:19:54.000 |
"With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace, 00:20:00.000 |
there is one body and one spirit, just as you were called to, one hope that belongs to your call, 00:20:04.000 |
one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. 00:20:08.000 |
For grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift." 00:20:12.000 |
So it talks about what it looks like to walk in a man worthy of a calling. 00:20:17.000 |
If the gospel that's been talked about in chapters 1-3 is real to you, then there cannot be division within the church. 00:20:23.000 |
And then it talks about the differences in people. 00:20:26.000 |
So we have all these different people, different types of people doing different types of things, 00:20:30.000 |
all doing the work of equipping different types of people. 00:20:43.000 |
Now before we go to the first one, let's look at some passages in Matthew. 00:20:48.000 |
Okay. I'm just going to have to describe it to you. Do I have that there on your... 00:20:55.000 |
So in Matthew chapter 5, verses 21-24, you can just write that one down. 00:20:59.000 |
But peacemaking there is necessary in moving the entrances to your church. 00:21:03.000 |
That's the passage where it says, you're at the altar, you're trying to offer up an offering. 00:21:07.000 |
And it says, if you have something against a brother, what are you to do? 00:21:10.000 |
Leave it at the altar, go to your brother, reconcile, come back, and then offer it. 00:21:16.000 |
And you know that when you gave your offering at church? 00:21:21.000 |
But it says that peacemaking is necessary in removing entrances to worship. 00:21:26.000 |
Now you could be tempted to just say, I'm not going to think about it, I'll just think about the character of God and worship Him. 00:21:31.000 |
But then there's going to be a big discount for your life. 00:21:34.000 |
Because if He is the God that you're worshiping, that has demands on your life, 00:21:40.000 |
Because you're thinking, you have forgiven me of my sin. 00:21:43.000 |
Praise the Lord, and you're singing with tears flowing down on your face, 00:21:46.000 |
saying, thank you for forgiving me of my sin, thank you for reconciling with me. 00:21:50.000 |
And then you turn to your brother, and this guy is far from you, 00:21:53.000 |
and you have no desire to go and reconcile with this guy. 00:22:00.000 |
In Matthew chapter 18, verses 15-17, this is another thing. 00:22:04.000 |
Peacemaking is a command given to reconcile and restore. 00:22:08.000 |
It is a command that ultimately is a tribulation, eventually, as we kind of go. 00:22:14.000 |
But it is a command that we need to reconcile with each other, 00:22:17.000 |
and then restore for all our brothers and sisters. 00:22:20.000 |
And the third one comes from Matthew chapter 5, verse 9. 00:22:23.000 |
This is the one where the attitudes, where it talks about blessing, are the peacemakers for, 00:22:31.000 |
If you kind of go through, step by step, through the Beatitudes, 00:22:34.000 |
you will see that peacemakers being called sons of God, 00:22:37.000 |
that means, if you want to be seen as a child of God, you need to be a peacemaker. 00:22:44.000 |
Or if you flip it, conversely, by being a peacemaker, 00:22:47.000 |
by pursuing a reconciliation, a peace with everyone that we have conflict with, 00:22:52.000 |
they are going to say, that person looks like a Christian. 00:22:55.000 |
I see God in that, I see Christ in that person. 00:22:58.000 |
Something very different than what the world looks like. 00:23:01.000 |
And here are the six categories of peacemaking. 00:23:06.000 |
In Proverbs 19, it says, "A man's wisdom gives patience, it is his own to overlook an offense." 00:23:13.000 |
So in peacemaking, sometimes it is okay to just overlook it. 00:23:17.000 |
Sometimes, there are going to be things like someone, 00:23:21.000 |
there was this guy, there was this friend that I had, 00:23:27.000 |
I wanted to sniffle all day, like that, right? 00:23:32.000 |
And so, you look at that, it's like, well, it's not, you know, 00:23:36.000 |
this is probably, I just came up with that example, that's a bad example. 00:23:39.000 |
There are little things that drive you crazy, that like, 00:23:42.000 |
that's not his fault, and that's why I just said that example. 00:23:47.000 |
There are little things that might come up that you can just, 00:23:50.000 |
well, it's okay, it's not that big of a deal, I'll overlook it. 00:23:56.000 |
And in an overly sensitive culture like today, 00:24:02.000 |
If someone did something, they said something a little bit, 00:24:06.000 |
Okay, that might have happened, and if that happens again, 00:24:10.000 |
But if it was just a passing comment, and they really didn't mean any harm, 00:24:17.000 |
people always go after you, like a vigilante. 00:24:20.000 |
I don't know, you don't have to be like this person, like, 00:24:22.000 |
it is my job to track down every single person who says something 00:24:26.000 |
that will, you know, bother anybody, and kind of call them out on it, 00:24:30.000 |
and say, "That's not encouraging like Ephesians 4 says." 00:24:34.000 |
But we can't imagine a church like that, oh my goodness. 00:24:37.000 |
So sometimes it's okay to overlook an offense. 00:24:45.000 |
If an offense is too serious to overlook or has damaged the relationship, 00:24:49.000 |
we need to resolve personal and relational issues through confession, 00:24:59.000 |
Colossians 3.13 says, "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." 00:25:04.000 |
That command is, you know, that's just one command. 00:25:07.000 |
But imagine the consequences of that in our lives. 00:25:13.000 |
Think about the person you got into conflict with. 00:25:18.000 |
This is going to change the way you live and the way you relate to people. 00:25:27.000 |
And then even if we successfully resolve relational issues, 00:25:30.000 |
there might still be some material issues to go over. 00:25:32.000 |
You know, like we might say, "I forgive you." 00:25:37.000 |
But afterwards, like that condition is still going to be there, right? 00:25:41.000 |
There's still going to be some residual effect. 00:25:45.000 |
Hey, next time, maybe if you say it this way, 00:25:52.000 |
then you can kind of think about it and say, "Remind me of what we talked about last time." 00:25:58.000 |
So negotiating is going to be the next step after reconciliation. 00:26:04.000 |
There's going to be times when you guys are just-- 00:26:08.000 |
you can't come together with agreement, right? 00:26:12.000 |
Kind of hear both sides and say, "Hey, you're being crazy here. 00:26:19.000 |
You'll see examples from that in Matthew 18, 16, 00:26:25.000 |
And then number five is going to be arbitration. 00:26:28.000 |
When you and an opponent cannot come to a voluntary agreement on a material issue, 00:26:32.000 |
you may appoint one or more arbitrators to listen to your arguments 00:26:36.000 |
and render a binding decision to settle the issue. 00:26:38.000 |
And that sounds a little bit like legalese stuff, but this is kind of talking about now-- 00:26:44.000 |
maybe there needs to be someone who says, "Hey, can you just make a decision for us?" 00:26:49.000 |
In a kind of a simple example, there are two people that are dead set. 00:26:54.000 |
One person wants to go to Ruth Chris, one person wants to go to Panera, 00:26:56.000 |
and like everyone--they're just dead set on it, right? 00:26:59.000 |
And then the third person comes in and says, "Hey, you've got to make a decision for us 00:27:03.000 |
And then the third person will make that decision. 00:27:16.000 |
This is the step-by-step kind of road that you can take-- 00:27:21.000 |
if we go to the next slide here--to pursue peacemaking. 00:27:30.000 |
All right, so the first is going to be glorify God. 00:27:32.000 |
Second, it's going to be get the log out of your own eye. 00:27:42.000 |
Now, this is from a guy named Ken Sandy, who kind of has a ministry all about reconciliation. 00:27:49.000 |
And so this is where all of this material is coming from. 00:27:52.000 |
So these 4 G's, I've used them many, many times in my own life to help me, 00:27:57.000 |
I believe it's very biblical, and I believe that God is glorified through this process. 00:28:09.000 |
All right, so drop down the verse here, please. 00:28:11.000 |
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 00:28:18.000 |
I think we looked at this, and sometimes we say, 00:28:20.000 |
"Well, it can't really mean do everything for the glory of God." 00:28:28.000 |
So even conflicts, they are to the glory of God. 00:28:31.000 |
Conflict provides opportunity to glorify God. 00:28:35.000 |
In every conflict that you come across, whether there's sin involved or whether it's just differences, 00:28:48.000 |
I got that, like, you know, 15-year-old Nathan, I thought, like, that guy was, like, rebellious and stuff. 00:28:53.000 |
Even now, when my parents use a certain tone of voice, rebellion erupts in my heart. 00:28:58.000 |
And I'm convinced that no matter how old we get, even though we grow in appreciation and we mature a little bit 00:29:04.000 |
and the gospel has wonders to transform our hearts, there are just certain things. 00:29:13.000 |
So it's not easy to be peacemaking with them. 00:29:18.000 |
Remember, just denying that a problem exists, that's not enough. 00:29:22.000 |
Sometimes the older you get, it gets better at being denied. 00:29:25.000 |
It gets better at, like, just sweeping things under the rug because it's, like, too far gone. 00:29:31.000 |
There's nothing that's going to change me in this situation. 00:29:37.000 |
And we can glorify God as long as we don't keep running from that situation. 00:29:44.000 |
Now, so with this example of parents, you can have a natural inclination to rebel against them. 00:29:48.000 |
Again, when they use a tone of voice, maybe when they bring up a sore topic. 00:29:53.000 |
Maybe when you look at how hypocritical they are, you're like, "Whoa, you're like this." 00:29:58.000 |
Maybe it's the fact that they didn't take time to understand you. 00:30:01.000 |
Like, "Why do I have to glorify God in this situation? 00:30:05.000 |
They're not even trying to understand my point of view." 00:30:07.000 |
We might have these justifications behind it. 00:30:12.000 |
But your sole goal in your relationship, in this relationship that you have with your parents, if there's a conflict, your sole goal is God's glory. 00:30:24.000 |
Like, it's sad that, like, I have to remind myself of that, but that's the truth. 00:30:30.000 |
When we talk to our parents and it's making me feel something and sin is starting to come up, what's your goal? 00:30:41.000 |
Glorifying God is the first step in peace making. 00:30:48.000 |
It could be a comment about you still being single. 00:30:56.000 |
Because you're like, "Oh my gosh, is this going to happen again?" 00:30:59.000 |
Like, auntie's going to say this again or whatever. 00:31:06.000 |
It could be about your weight or your appearance. 00:31:09.000 |
It could be that you think you're too opinionated at the expense of your life. 00:31:19.000 |
And these things can cause, you know, even these good things. 00:31:22.000 |
"I know I'm right. I shouldn't be going to church. I shouldn't be committed to church." 00:31:26.000 |
And if there's sinfulness coming out, maybe you are not glorifying God, even though you're doing it in the name of God. 00:31:34.000 |
You have an opportunity in those moments to glorify Him. 00:31:37.000 |
Or, if you're not glorifying Him, what's happening? 00:31:47.000 |
This is step one in the most important in Legionary Conflict. 00:31:55.000 |
Pastor Aaron talked about it a little bit today. 00:32:02.000 |
What does that mean? To bring attention? To display Him? To reveal His perfection? 00:32:06.000 |
His other attributes? That's what it means to glorify Him? 00:32:09.000 |
Basically, it's with your own life, it becomes like this compass that points up to God all the time. 00:32:18.000 |
What does that mean? When people see us, they see Him. 00:32:23.000 |
If you've ever driven a new car, you don't hide it, right? 00:32:29.000 |
So, what happens? You get in this car, and you get that first stop light. 00:32:41.000 |
You want to glorify Him. You want to bring attention to Him. 00:32:44.000 |
You want to draw eyes to Him through your life and in this conflict. 00:33:05.000 |
I want to, in this conflict, to make that other person and everyone around us see who He is. 00:33:11.000 |
Secondly, next one, what does it mean to bring glory to God? 00:33:15.000 |
It's to please God. That's another way glorifying God happens. 00:33:21.000 |
How can I please God? How can I honor God in this situation? 00:33:24.000 |
If you are enamored in that conflict of pleasing yourself, 00:33:28.000 |
to get some kind of twisted gratification of yourself, 00:33:32.000 |
then you are glorifying yourself and not God. 00:33:43.000 |
You will emulate the one you desire to glorify. 00:33:48.000 |
When you see these people, when you see this thing happening, 00:33:51.000 |
and you are worshiping, there is an aspect of glorifying happening here. 00:33:58.000 |
I have a passage, I was thinking whether we should go through it or not. 00:34:05.000 |
You can either emulate God, or if you're not emulating God, 00:34:08.000 |
you're emulating something that's not of God. 00:34:10.000 |
You can think about it as worldly or demonic, satanic. 00:34:18.000 |
it talks about the wisdom that comes from above. 00:34:20.000 |
And this is in the context of not just your tongue, 00:34:26.000 |
but also in the context of what's causing division amongst the church. 00:34:36.000 |
By his conduct, let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 00:34:40.000 |
But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, 00:34:45.000 |
This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, 00:34:50.000 |
And what is saying here in the Little Old Conflict? 00:34:52.000 |
It's saying you can have a heavenly perspective and a heavenly heart, 00:34:57.000 |
or you can be looking like something that is demonic and worldly. 00:35:09.000 |
that God will be glorified in a situation like that. 00:35:14.000 |
Looking at God. That's what it means to glorify. 00:35:23.000 |
That is the action of what glorifying will do. 00:35:26.000 |
Glorifying will make it so that you stare at that thing you're glorifying Him. 00:35:30.000 |
I think John Cooper uses a term that I really love. 00:35:38.000 |
the temptation is to not look at God, but what happens? 00:35:42.000 |
First thing that probably happens, you're staring at yourself. 00:35:51.000 |
You look at the cause of the person that made you feel that way. 00:35:57.000 |
And then lastly, or if not all, eyes look at God. 00:36:03.000 |
in any conflict what you do is you look at God, 00:36:23.000 |
And in that we're breaking the laws and the prophets, right? 00:36:26.000 |
We're breaking what it means to exist as a Christian. 00:36:29.000 |
I love myself and so I'm going to fight for what I want 00:36:32.000 |
instead of saying, "Love God, not love yourself." 00:36:52.000 |
I have on there for you the trust part, trust in Him, 00:36:56.000 |
We're going to come to these helpful questions. 00:36:58.000 |
These are some things that will help you kind of think through things. 00:37:01.000 |
So number one, who are you estranged with and why? 00:37:07.000 |
are there people in your life that you have conflict with? 00:37:10.000 |
Secondly, has the peace and unity of the Christian community 00:37:15.000 |
So if you're thinking about a dispute with anybody, 00:37:18.000 |
a conflict with anybody, even here at church, 00:37:20.000 |
has the peace and the unity not been broken because of that? 00:37:24.000 |
Thirdly, what effect might this dispute have on the reputation 00:37:32.000 |
and you were to describe to them this conflict, 00:37:35.000 |
what's going to happen to the reputation of Jesus? 00:37:38.000 |
Fourthly, how would your feelings and attitudes and behavior change 00:37:44.000 |
if you started to see the conflict as an assignment from God? 00:37:48.000 |
If God were to say, "Here's what's on your plate, 00:37:53.000 |
If that happens, how will your attitudes and feelings, 00:37:56.000 |
what will your behavior, what's going to change about it? 00:37:58.000 |
Fifthly, this is the last one we want to take, 00:38:02.000 |
What good might God be trying to bring into your life 00:38:16.000 |
Next slide, and we're going to go on to the second one. 00:38:29.000 |
You want Him to be exalted and be set in His majestic place. 00:38:36.000 |
and kind of go digging into your heart to see what's going on. 00:38:42.000 |
You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, 00:38:44.000 |
and then you will see clearly to take the speck 00:38:51.000 |
Don't go to the next passage, just read the whole thing. 00:38:55.000 |
In Matthew 7, it says, "Judge not that you not be judged. 00:38:59.000 |
For with the judgment we pronounce you will be judged. 00:39:01.000 |
And with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 00:39:04.000 |
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye 00:39:06.000 |
but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 00:39:13.000 |
You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, 00:39:15.000 |
and then you will see clearly to take the speck 00:39:20.000 |
about not taking the speck out of your brother's eye. 00:39:23.000 |
It says you take the thing out of your own eye 00:39:25.000 |
in order for you to restore your brother as well. 00:39:36.000 |
and then that person can get what he's got free. 00:39:47.000 |
this is talking about premature judgment and correction. 00:39:56.000 |
if you have your own sin clouding your vision. 00:40:36.000 |
But this passage is not talking about something like that. 00:41:14.000 |
Here are two logs to look out for in the next slide. 00:41:44.000 |
Now my daughter, Annie, has been driving me crazy. 00:42:41.000 |
And she was crying about the one that she dropped. 00:43:09.000 |
It's a place where I was being overly critical of Annie, 00:43:15.000 |
So in this, you can actually overlook certain offenses. 00:43:36.000 |
I could have left out what I could have said. 00:43:42.000 |
But in my frustration, "She's been doing this all day. 00:43:58.000 |
Now, as we think about this, we have to actively, 00:44:06.000 |
in places of conflict, be able to analyze our heart 00:44:15.000 |
The second one is actual sinful words or actions. 00:44:21.000 |
So, the temptation in a conflict is constantly to look at 00:44:33.000 |
And you've got to be able to look at your own life. 00:44:45.000 |
If there's anger there, if there's frustration there, 00:44:58.000 |
And so in that, we can think about the bitterness 00:45:05.000 |
Are you clamming up in a situation like that? 00:45:08.000 |
Are you seething inside with words that you want to say? 00:45:15.000 |
of the wrong behavior and face up to the root cause. 00:45:28.000 |
I could have been like, "I've got to stop being angry. 00:45:32.000 |
But if you do that, it's not going to help you. 00:45:35.000 |
Because you're going to just stop trying to use words 00:45:43.000 |
You do that, and she keeps going on a certain point, 00:45:52.000 |
and ask yourself, "Why is this causing me anger?" 00:46:11.000 |
craving to be understood, craving to be loved, 00:46:15.000 |
These are okay, but you've elevated to a sinful demand 00:46:33.000 |
Here are some four questions that you can ask 00:46:45.000 |
Is it seriously hurting the offender himself or herself? 00:46:48.000 |
So if you look at this, if it's no, no, no, no, no, 00:46:51.000 |
you can consider maybe this is something that you can overlook. 00:47:00.000 |
This isn't a time where you stay silent for a moment, 00:47:10.000 |
You're deliberately deciding not to dwell on it. 00:47:15.000 |
And you're motivated by the character of God. 00:47:33.000 |
"The beginning of strife is like letting on water, 00:47:37.000 |
All right, let's go down to the back two steps-- 00:47:42.000 |
Oh, boy, I don't know if we're going to do this. 00:47:50.000 |
we were going to do through Philippians 4, 2-9. 00:48:17.000 |
All right, so Paul talks about rights in 1 Corinthians, 00:48:25.000 |
And then he says, "At the end of all of that, 00:48:27.000 |
so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, 00:48:33.000 |
just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, 00:48:43.000 |
"Be in it, here is a need, that I am of Christ." 00:48:45.000 |
He's saying this is the type of Christ that we serve. 00:48:57.000 |
Where would we be if Jesus held on to his rights? 00:49:07.000 |
how can we ever say, "My rights are so important," 00:49:10.000 |
to keep other people from something like that? 00:49:32.000 |
And that means you do not need to hold on to your rights 00:49:43.000 |
it addresses actually a core root of idolatry. 00:50:13.000 |
And then fourthly, what happens in your heart then is I punish. 00:50:39.000 |
before you're able to go and address another person. 00:50:44.000 |
avoid if, but, and maybe you know that well, right? 00:50:46.000 |
You say, "I'm sorry, but if you didn't say that, 00:50:57.000 |
Don't say, "I'm sorry for making you feel bad about it." 00:51:00.000 |
Say, "I'm sorry for," and go deep down into specifics 00:51:03.000 |
of what you did wrong and how you offended them 00:51:17.000 |
So make sure that you're changing as you come, 00:51:20.000 |
you're confessing, or else it's not a real confession. 00:51:24.000 |
This is all before you're able to go and address 00:51:34.000 |
On your sheet, I gave you guys a list of possible laws. 00:51:40.000 |
and it ends in good things you want too much. 00:51:45.000 |
and then I don't know, one day maybe we could do the final two. 00:51:49.000 |
I will end this prayer, and then we'll go to the next one. 00:52:03.000 |
"We're doing this because you are a God of peace