Pastor John, here's a good question that we get all the time and it's worth addressing frequently in this podcast. It comes from a listener named Jacqueline who writes, "Hello Pastor John, I have a follow-up question to episode number 897. I appreciated your answer to the question, 'Is love fake if it's motivated by a reward?' As a follow-up I want to ask this, is love fake if it's only motivated by duty?

I'm thinking of relationships where the believer acts lovingly, as in Philippians 2.4 and in 1st Corinthians 13, but without the feeling of love, often due to ongoing sin in the life of the beloved. Is it enough to love because I am supposed to if I know in my heart it is not tied to the desire to know and glorify Christ as you mentioned?

Does the motivation for reward fuel love in that episode?" Well let me start with an illustration. I read this years ago in Edward John Carnell's book, oh the name just slips my mind, Christian Commitment. That's the name of it. He says, "Suppose a man asks, 'Must I kiss my wife goodnight?'" Carnell gives the answer, "Yes, but not that kind of must." That's very profound.

It really affected my Christian Edenism. What did he mean? What did he mean? He meant that the man who asked this question misunderstands the nature of duty. He thinks that duty only relates to the external behavior of kissing, and if he kisses his wife he's done his duty. But Carnell's point is that Christian duty is deeper than physical acts, always deeper than physical acts.

Our duty includes not only the external physical acts that are appropriate, virtuous, but also a right heart or a right disposition or right set of affections, emotions. So yes, it is a man's duty to kiss his wife, but that includes the duty of feeling affection for his wife. Now I think Jacqueline might be making the same mistake as the husband in that illustration.

Maybe. I might misunderstand her, but let's see if this helps. She asks, "Is love fake if it's motivated by duty? Is it enough to love because I'm supposed to?" That sounds like she conceives of love as a set of external behaviors which one can will even if one does not feel any gladness in the act of love.

But is that the biblical duty of love? Does not love, biblically speaking, include more than mere physical behavior? Always include more than mere physical behavior. So I want to argue that our duty is more than deeds, always more than deeds. The duty to give, for example, includes the duty to rejoice in giving.

So giving or loving out of duty when there is no delight in giving is really only doing half our duty. God's will, as revealed in the New Testament, is that our loving behavior, deeds, should always include gladness in God that overflows in the hope of including other people in it.

I'm gonna say that again because that is an absolutely crucial ethical sentence for me. The biblical duty to love, that is the very meaning of love, always includes gladness in God that overflows in the act, the behaviors of love, in the hope of including others in it. That is, in our gladness in God.

I get that definition of love from 2nd Corinthians 8 verse 2 and 9 verse 7. Here's what it says, "In a severe test of affliction there," that is the Macedonians, "abundance of joy and their extreme poverty overflowed in a wealth of generosity," giving, loving, "on their part." Notice carefully, the subject of the verb "overflowed" is joy.

"Their abundance of joy overflowed in generosity." In other words, love was the overflow of joy in God—you can go back to verse 1 to see that—joy in God, in God's grace being poured out on them, that aimed to bless others and thus include others in that joy. That's what love does always.

And notice also there were two huge obstacles standing in the way of this generosity—a severe test of affliction and extreme poverty. In other words, it was very costly—you might even say painful—for Christians to show generosity when they themselves were hurting and poverty-stricken. If there ever was a time when a person might say, "Surely all that is expected of us here is dutiful deeds, not heartfelt joy," this was that time.

But in fact, what marked these deeds of generosity as love was the abundance of joy in God that was overflowing in love in the hopes that others would be included in that joy. Now we know we're on the right track here because in chapter 9 verse 7 of 2nd Corinthians, just a chapter later, Paul makes it a principle.

He takes this behavior and he makes it a principle. He says, "Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion." That's another way of saying mere willpower duty. "For God loves a cheerful giver." Now that's the clearest statement—that doing good things for people generously without any delight in the doing is only half our duty.

So let me restate Jacqueline's question the way I would ask it because there's a real problem. There's a real problem she sees. She's right. She's right to see the problem and I'm just complaining about the way it was asked. And I hope something really important is being seen. Here's the way I would ask the question for John Piper.

What does a Christian do when he is confronted with the opportunity of a helpful good deed that he doesn't feel like doing? That's the issue. Because that's real life. Perfect love to God will always delight perfectly in doing God's will. But until we reach perfection, which none of us does in this life, we are an embattled people.

Satan and sin corrupt our will so that we feel disinclinations to do the loving thing. And that's reality. And this is why Jesus said, "Whoever would come after me must deny himself." In this fallen world where sin and Satan disincline us to love, self-denial will always be a part of the duty of love.

So how does this work in the moment when there is an opportunity to do good and we don't feel like doing good? And here's the difference between... I'm going to give you two options to do here. And people line up on these two options. I mean most line up on the first one, I'm afraid.

The difference between a Christian hedonist, my understanding of our duty at that moment when we don't feel like doing the good we ought to do, and those who think emotions don't count. They're marginal. They're not essential at that moment. That group says, "Just do it. Just do it. Do the right thing because it's the right thing." All the while ignoring the biblical teaching that doing it cheerfully is part of the right thing at that moment.

You can't just say, "Do it" as though it were your whole duty. It's not. It's half your duty. But the Christian hedonist, therefore, does four crucial things at this moment. Because I'm admitting John Piper, the imperfect, fallen, selfish Christian hedonist doesn't always want love, delight to do what he ought to do.

So here's here are the four things we ought to do. Number one, admit honestly to God and to yourself you don't feel like doing the good thing. Admit it. Number two, confess this to God as sin and tell him that you're sorry for your heart not being more loving.

Three, ask God in that moment to restore the joy, the fullest joy of your salvation and an overflowing gladness in grace that can be shared with other people. Ask him to restore your joy. And four, now go ahead and act. Do that good behavior. Do that half of your duty.

Do the good deed, hoping, expecting, believing. You've asked, you've prayed that in it, in it, joy will be awakened and you will actually, before you're done, be delighting in the love before you're even finished. The loving behavior, now you're glad you're doing it. I, Tony, I have seen this happen in my life as a pastor over the years again and again and again.

I would be, I would be on my way to the hospital when I didn't feel like it. And some saint is in trouble and I repent to God. God, I wish, I wish I had more compassion. I wish I felt more affection. I wish you were more fully in charge of my heart right now.

Please restore to me the joy of loving my people. And how many times have I walked into that room and either before I get to the bed or as I put my hand on some dear saint's arm, God awakens gladness in being there. Gladness in being able to share the word.

Gladness in being an instrument of their hope. Gladness in hoping that some of my gladness in the Lord would sustain them in their trial. So my answer to Jacqueline's question is that the duty of love always includes more than willpower behavior. It includes the gladness in God that overflows in the hope of including others in it.

When the behavior and the gladness are both there, the duty is being performed. And when the gladness is not there and we confess it and repent and pray for forgiveness and act in hope that God will restore it, that too is our duty. Yeah, so helpful and carefully nuanced.

Thank you, Pastor John. Well, we're gonna break for the weekend and return on Monday to hear from a listener who wants to know, "What are we supposed to do with the verses in the Bible to talk about God regretting things and repenting of things?" Oh, such a great question, and that is next.

If you missed any episodes from the week, catch up this weekend at our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn. I'm your host, Tony Reiki. We'll see you on Monday.