Several dozen questions have come in over the months on the abuse of pastoral authority. Matthias is one such listener who wrote in to ask us this, "Pastor John, how do I know if my pastor is a spiritual bully? What does this look like?" This is an extremely delicate subject, because just to talk about it can signify in some settings on the one hand an over sensitivity to healthy pastoral authority that is not bullying at all, but someone might accuse a pastor wrongly of bullying just because they don't like his tone of voice or he seems to be a little bit more firm than they grew up experiencing by their dad.

On the other hand, there are bad shepherds. The Bible makes it clear that there are. Our experience today makes it clear that there are. There are bad, abusive shepherds who don't love the flock. We know this from prophets in the Old Testament. We know it from abuses in the New Testament.

They abuse their position, use it for an ego trip or the need for control or even more sinister and sick harm done to others. So the question is very, very important, and we can fall off the horse of truth on either side of minimizing it or maximizing it when it's not really there.

So I think the best approach is to ask, "Where does the Bible have an equivalent to bullying? What's the biblical?" I mean, the word bullying doesn't occur in the Bible, but the reality is there. The word is all over the place in the New Testament, and it might be helpful just to point out a few things that bullying is not, and see where we go from there.

It's not the rightful use of authority that sometimes today we call leadership. There's no such thing as leadership that doesn't lead or ruling that doesn't rule or governing that doesn't govern. There really is governing in the church. So 1st Timothy 517, "Let the leaders who rule or govern well be considered worthy of double honor," or 1 Thessalonians 512, "Respect those in the Lord who labor and are over you in the Lord and who admonish you," or Titus 215, "Declare these things, exhort and rebuke with all authority.

Let no one disregard you." So there's a place for strong leadership, even rebukes. People don't generally like to be rebuked. Titus 113, "Therefore rebuke them sharply that they may be sound in the faith," or 1 Timothy 520, "For those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all so that the rest may stand in fear." So the first thing to say is that we need a biblical, robust view of authority and leadership and even forceful words at times, lest we accuse a pastor of bullying when the problem may be that we didn't grow up in a family with any firmness in discipline and therefore we're hypersensitive to any tone of voice that's different than our mother's soft exhortations.

But let's do the opposite. Now let's turn to passages that describe the kinds of things that might be involved in bullying and how a pastor should not have them. So a pastor seeks to use his authority to build up, not tear down. 2 Corinthians 10:8, "Even if I boast a little too much of our authority, which the Lord gave me for building you up and not for tearing you down." Is authority in the church being used for tearing people down, belittling people, or is it clearly in the hands of love that is building the people up?

One of the reasons you have to rebuke one person in the church is because they're hurting the sheep, they're hurting other people, and out of love and the up-building of the other people you may have to get tough with a sheep herder or destroyer or a wolf in sheep's clothing.

He's patient and kind. He doesn't have a short fuse. 1 Thessalonians 5:14, "We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak, be patient with them all." Is the pastor a temper problem or is he patient with all? He's not quarrelsome, but gentle, a good teacher.

That is, he explains things to win people over. He doesn't just push his ideas through because there is ideas. He explains and tries to win people over. So 2 Timothy 2:24, "The Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness." This is the opposite of bullying, right?

God may perhaps grant them repentance, so he knows God does repentance producing. He doesn't do it, he can't make it happen by his forcefulness. "That they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been captured by him to do his will." So the great work of deliverance in the church is done by not being quarrelsome, being kind, teaching, patient, endurance, gentleness in all things.

He has a joyful willingness to lead by example without domineering. 1 Peter 5, "Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, but not under compulsion, but willingly as God would have you, not for shameful gain." Does this pastor love money and is he abusing people as he lines his pockets?

But eagerly, is he eager? Does he love his work in a humble, God-exalting way? Not—here's probably the closest thing to bullying, verse 3, 1 Peter 5—not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. Does the pastor get down and live alongside his people, giving examples to them, or is he always pompously pronouncing with a domineering sense of, "I'm the big shot in this church and you guys ought to toe the line"?

That's bullying and that's the opposite of what God calls his shepherds to be. He has an eagerness to heal and rescue and seek the straying. This is one of the most indicting texts in Ezekiel 34, 4, where it says to the shepherds, "You have the weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them." So there's a perfect description of what bullying would—loveless bullying, uncaring bullying—would look like.

The pastor has a desire to produce joy in the church by rejoicing with the church. 2nd Corinthians 124, "Not that we lorded over your faith, we're workers with you for your joy." There's the beautiful picture. He comes alongside his people. His whole goal is a happy church, happy in God, and he models that happiness and he gets alongside his people in happiness.

He takes no pleasure in loading people down and watching them struggle. He wants to give necessary loads. There is a burden to be borne, but my yoke is easy and my burden is light, because the pastor's giving a burden-lifting gospel with every load he puts on the people for obedience.

He gives burden-lifting help with the promises of God. The opposite of that is Matthew 23, 4. "They tie"—he's talking about the Pharisees and the lawyers here— "they tie heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with a finger." That's a perfect description of one who uses his preaching or his teaching to bully his people by laying burdens on them, but there's no gospel-lifting.

There's no joy-giving promises to help them live out with success the burdens he's putting on them. And he is, finally, self-controlled, not violent, supreme love for Christ from 1 Timothy 3, "Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, a husband of one wife sober, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money." So in a word, my answer is to how do I know if my pastor is a spiritual bully?

Go to the Bible, especially the New Testament, use all of it to form a well-rounded picture of what biblical leadership and biblical shepherding is, and then measure your pastor by that. Every pastor has strengths and weaknesses. Be careful that you don't accuse him of bullying when there may be an aspect of his ministry where he's sincerely growing and improving, and always be aware of your own fallibility of possibly forcing a view of leadership that fits your preferences rather than fitting the Bible.

But I'll end with this. If you see a pattern of serious shortcomings along the lines that we've just developed, seek him out first. Share your concerns. His reaction to you will tell you a lot. Thank you, Pastor John. And to turn the tables, we recorded an episode on the Congregations' Responsibility to Godly Leaders.

That was episode number 201, titled "How Do I Obey and Submit to My Leaders?" Find this episode and almost 500 others in the podcast archive, maybe most easily found in the free Ask Pastor John app for Apple and Android devices. And if you don't have the app, you can also find previous episodes at DesiringGod.org.

For now at least, you go to the home page, click on "More" at the top of the page, click on "Interviews," click on "By Series," and click on "Ask Pastor John." So go to the home page at DesiringGod.org, click on "More," click on "Interviews," click on "By Series," and click on "Ask Pastor John." If you get lost, you will find something edifying at least.

We're working to make the episodes easier to find on the website, and tomorrow we close out the week with a doozy. Looking at religious violence in the Middle East, ISIS, and comparing it to the Old Testament, one listener asks, "Did God commission terrorism in the Bible?" I'm your host Tony Reinke.

Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.