(upbeat music) - Welcome back to the Ask Pastor John podcast. Well, gossip is no small problem, even for Christians. Spreading damaging reports about others, it feels so good and it comes so naturally to all of us. But why? Why is this impulse so natural? And how do we fight against this natural impulse that we feel to speak damaging things about other people behind their backs?

That's the question today from a listener to the podcast named Amber. Hello, Pastor John, and thanks for this podcast. I'm wondering how God defines gossip. What's the difference between gossip and simply sharing information about another person? And how do I avoid becoming a gossiper? - Here are my three keys for not becoming a gossiper.

Number one, humility that does not need prominence. Number two, love that does not hurt others. And number three, large hearted purposefulness that is not empty or aimless. Now, let me show where I got those three earlier today when I was pondering this from the scriptures. Number one, consider Proverbs 26.22.

The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels. They go down into the inner parts of the body. Just a side note here, the Greek words translated gossip in 2 Corinthians 12.20 and Romans 1.29, at root mean one who whispers. Now, that may affect this translation from the Old Testament.

So I think when they say a whisperer, they mean somebody kind of lowering their voice and saying things, which we call gossip. But here's the point. There are whispered words about other people which taste really good, like a morsel. It's going down into the inner parts of the body.

And I think that means that the person who speaks them has eaten them with relish. And now the person who's listening, who's hearing, is eating them with relish. And we all know, we know what this feels like. There's a pleasure that comes from being one of the first people to hear some juicy piece of news about someone.

And we can hardly wait to let others know that we're in on the know. We've heard the news. And we may be the first one who could tell somebody else about it. And of course, gossip like that can be of two different kinds. It can be what I would call hard gossip, which means you really are mean and you want to hurt somebody.

Or it can be soft gossip, which is what I think Amber is really asking about, where you may not have any intention to hurt another person. It just feels so good, so delicious to be in on the scuttlebutt and to be able to tell somebody who doesn't know yet.

And now the question is, why does gossip feel so good? What drives this thing? Why does hearing something before others hear it and telling someone as the first person that's told them, that is, they're hearing it from you for the first time, why is that so delicious? And I think at least part of the answer is found by looking at the context in 2 Corinthians 12 20.

It goes like this. I fear that perhaps when I come, I may find that there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, disorder. Now, when I look at that list of eight destructive forces in the Christian community and try to fit them all together and find out which one of them is at the bottom giving rise to all the others, I think at the bottom would be the word conceit or the reality conceit, being puffed up.

I think this is why gossip is so delicious, why it tastes so good. It's because it feeds pride, which is endlessly hungry. You got the news first. You get to tell somebody else before anybody else can tell them. In the chain of gossip, you have become center stage for a moment.

You got the news, you give the news, aren't you something? So I conclude, number one, that the key to not being a gossiper is humility, humility that doesn't need prominence. You have a deep, humble contentment in God and you don't need to feed your craven ego with delicious morsels of being the first to hear and the first to tell the juicy bit of gossip.

That's number one. Number two, the second key to not being a gossiper, love that does not hurt others. Here's Proverbs 26 20, "For lack of wood, the fire goes out. And where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases." And Proverbs 17 nine, "Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends." In other words, if you put to death the pride that craves prominence and are willing to get no credit whatsoever for being in the know, and if you deny yourself the delicious pleasure of hearing and telling news that may stoke the fires of quarreling or dissension, you are acting in love.

You're doing what you can do to keep from adding hurt to others. For lack of wood, the fire goes out. Covering an offense is the pursuit of love. So the key question is, are you being motivated by love or pride and by the pleasure of being seen as in the know?

So the second key to not being a gossiper is love that does not hurt others. Number three, "Large-hearted purposefulness that is not empty and aimless." Here's where I get that. This was new for me, a new insight as I thought about this particular context. Paul cautions young widows in the Christian community who've had their ordinary patterns of purposefulness in life ripped away from them in losing their husbands.

He urges them not to become, quote, "idlers," going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies saying what they should not. Now, notice, on one side of gossip is the word "idler," and on the other side of gossip is the word "busybody." An idler is someone whose heart is empty and aimless.

They just have nothing purposeful to do. More time on their hands and no purpose, no vision, no great dream for their life. They're just coasting from day to day, and the result is they become busybodies, meddlers. They don't have any significant affairs of their own, and so they nose into the affairs of others.

And sandwiched between emptiness and aimlessness on one side and intrusiveness on the other side, busybodies, is gossip. So my conclusion is that the third key to not becoming a gossiper is large-hearted purposefulness that's not empty and not aimless and doesn't need to poke its nose into other people's business or promote oneself in the spreading of what belongs to somebody else.

So Amber asks, "What's the difference between gossip and simply sharing information?" And my answer is, to answer that question, ask these three questions. Number one, is the sharing of this information a mark of humility that does not need prominence, or is it motivated by pride that loves the delicious feeling of being in the know?

Number two, ask this, is the sharing of this information motivated by love that wants to avoid hurting others, or is it indifferent to what the destructive effects may be? And finally, third question to ask, is the sharing of this information part of my large-hearted purposefulness in life or simply an echo of how empty and aimless I really am?

Three very helpful diagnostic questions. Thank you, Pastor John. And such a really good dive into soft gossip and hard gossip. Man, so much of the Christian life is just holding our impulses, our natural impulses in check by God's grace. Thank you for listening and making the podcast part of your week.

Three times a week we publish, and you can subscribe to our audio feeds and search our past episodes in our archive. You can reach us by email with a question of your own, even questions related to relationship issues that you may be facing. You can do all that through our online home at desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn.

Well, when we return, we have a question about how we take personal criticism from others and apply it to ourselves for the betterment of ourselves, which is a nice little tie-in to this episode. That's next time on Wednesday, and I will ask you, Pastor John, how you process personal criticism yourself.

Until then, I'm your host, Tony Reinke. We'll see you then. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)